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Escape to Reality


naarasleijona

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Have you ever seen those movies where the hero or heroin is at the bottom of low, trapped in some dirty wet prison being tortured, and the moment of escape has finally arrived.   They put all of their last energy into getting free, climbing out of the hole in the ground.  They are dirty and broken both physically and mentally.  Beyond exhausted.....

 

Sometimes I feel like that is where I have been.  My world is noting but first world problems, but I was trapped in a psychological prison of my own making.  I've been working really hard to break free from the fog of my misperceptions and my addictions (not chemical, but unhealthy habits none the less - again with the first world problems).  I finally got help from a therapist, and I've  figuratively walked through fire and fee like I've been broken down to my very core.   I feel psychologically and emotionally raw and exhausted.   But I also feel a sense of freedom and hope that I haven't experienced in a very long time.  

 

I have a lot of work to do to get back on my feet.....

 

It's been a long time since I was last here.  People have changed, I've changed.  I just finished a 4week challenge over in the rebel camp.

 

 But now, it's time to come home.

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Welcome back to the Ranger Corps. I'm glad you made it home, we've got your back.

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Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52,53,54

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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It's ma birfday, it's ma birfday...... :)

was going to have a fu* it attitude and do the cake and icecream thing...But  I decided that that wasn't the way I wanted to start the next year.  So I made a really healthy, and surprisingly super yummy, dinner and had fruit salad instead of cake and icecream.....

 

 

the the only reason I mention it here is because making and eating dinner with my family is one of the goals I'm working on.

 

i averaged a 77% success rate with my last challenge.  I'm really happy with those results, because it's 77% of something that I've never done for myself before.   Anyway, the point is, I'm gonna stick with the same goals this challenge.  They aren't very Ranger-y, or athletic, but I did mention that I have to work my way up from the lowest I've ever been... 

 

Today just proved that some of those habits stuck!  Maybe they don't always stick, but I'll get there!   (I'll need to remember this day the next time I'm feeling pressured to let it all go to sh*t again.   These small moments are what make lasting changes possible).

 

these are the challenges I'm working on:

1) sit down with my family for dinner at least once a week.

2) workout MWF 

3) walk Ellie every day (if a rainy day, play inside for 20 minutes)

4) chores.  Using MoMo app, complete at least three daily, and one "today" chore every day.

 

For my last challenge, I had several family dinners, but didn't quite make the goal of at least once a week.  It may not seem like such a significant thing, but I'm trying to build up a regular habit, and accept my responsibility as a parent to model good habits for my kids. I have a history of sucking at being responsible.

 

i only missed one workout during my last challenge... I think I'm on a good track there, but who hasn't ever replayed a level just to see that perfect score.  I'm not gonna beat myself up if I don't get there, but it would be fun to see a perfect score

 

i need Ellie and Ellie needs me.   Despite the physical issues I have,  the walk is good for me, and this puppy needs to burn the energy.  The only thing that got in my way the last challenge was my own mental laziness.   We're going to aim a little higher this time ;) 

 

And chores....I have yet to learn to like chores/housekeeping/maintenance.   I can usually get by with the dailies....it's the "today ones that get me".  I've made some progress though.  Things I used to dread aren't as bad anymore.  I'm more mentally neutral about them.  This is going to be the most challenging for me.

 

 

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Your goals exist for one person, and one person alone, you. No one else's goals matter. If those are the goals you need right now, then they are the best goals in the world.

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Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52,53,54

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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Welcome back to the Ranger Corps!  Those look like solid, achievable goals.  I can't wait to see you kick butt!

 

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  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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Happy Belated Birthday. Sounds like you celebrated it very nicely. Kind of interesting (and one of the reasons we are all so unhealthy) how we think everything has to be celebrated with sugar.

Wisdom 21   Dexterity 11   Charisma 14   Strength 18  Constitution-12

Elastigirl Endeavors, Experiments, , and Explains - Current Challenge: May 9 to June 12 - Nerd Fitness Rebellion

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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doh! Almost forgot that yesterday was the start of the challenge! 

 

1) No family meal.  We all agreed on pizza this week, but I put my foot down and stipulated it had to be homemade.   - At least then I've got some control of what goes in their mouths ;). 0/4

2) Not a workout day 0/12

3) Walked Ellie.  1/28

4) Did my chores.   1/28

 

:) 

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Good day today! 

 

1) on a whim I decided to make dinner for everyone: Mac and cheese, peas and salad.  Not the healthiest choice, but better than eating an entire thing of Mac and cheese by myself.  It didn't take too long to make, but making meals sure takes a lot more time than my usual "5 min or less grab whatever is available."  I think everyone appreciates getting together as a family, even if it's only for a few minutes.  1/4

2) did my workout this morning.  Was especially tired this morning.  Ellie got me up at 4:30 :( but it was more than that.  Just felt really drained.  I pushed through, but I was really glad when it was over.  1/12

3). Ellie was walked after work. Tried to make it back before the rain, but ended up getting caught out in a light shower.  No worries though.  As the saying goes, "some people just get wet, others feel the rain".  I love a good summer rain ;) 2/28

4). Chores and then some were done. (Still avoiding vacuuming like the plague!). 2/28

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WELCOME HOME!!


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Level 75 Wood Elf Druid

Druid: || 59 | 60 | 61 | 61.5 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 ||

Ranger: || 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 ||

||Char/RPG||
STR: 57 || DEX: 59 || STA: 52 || CON: 47 || WIS: 59 || CHA: 59

 

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1) no dinner yesterday 1/4

2)  really enjoyed my workout.  I think I've got to get some heavier weights for my dumbbell rows.    2/12

3). Walked Ellie. 4/28

4) just enough chores done 4/28

 

i enjoyed spending time with my family yesterday.  Spent time talking to my hubs, and helped my oldest with some homework.  It was a surprisingly social evening for us, considering we're all usually separated into the four corners of the house doing our own thing.  So even though we didn't do dinner together, it was a nice evening. 

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Finished early today :)

 

1) not a meal day 1/4

2) not a workout day 2/12

3) took Ellie for a walk.  Really  didn't want to go, but we went anyway. I don't really think of this as my daily 20 min of exercise, but until I can find out what's wrong with my ankle/foot/legs/hips, I guess it will do.  Walking isn't really strenuous for me.  I miss being able to run! 5/28

 

4) chores were done.  Every now and then I catch myself being critical that I don't do everything on the list, but I'm getting better at shutting down the negative thinking, and focusing instead on the progress I'm making.  The whole point of this goal is to create a new habit of making chores a regular part of my life.... I'm ok with baby steps right now. :P 

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3 hours ago, naarasleijona said:

 I miss being able to run!

 

I understand exactly how that feels.  I hope you can get back to it soon!

 

You're doing fine; keep up the good work!

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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1) not a meal day 1/4

2) did my workout.   Alarm didn't go off in the morning, so I overslept 30 min and was absolutely exhausted.  The workout was difficult, even though I've done the routine several times before.  Was shaky and hungry afterwards.  Don't know why it was particularly different from any other morning....3/12

3) walked Ellie.   It was a really hot day, so I waited until later in the evening when it was cooler.  It was a nice walk. 6/28

4) minimum number of chores were done..  It was Friday, and I felt like chillin'. 6/28

 

my sleep schedule is f'ed up.  I go to bed early.i usually wake up after a dream cycle around 4am.  I have a hard time getting back to sleep, and when I finally start to doze, Ellie gets up before 5.  My alarm is supposed to go off at 5.  But I realized after this morning that getting up at 5:30 still gives me plenty of time.   I just wish I could take advantage of the time to sleep, but it seems like all the cards are stcked against me :(.   Maybe it's something to work on next challenge......

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Sorry about the sleep deprivation.  No fun at all.  Good job getting the workout done!

 

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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1) not a meal night again.  1/4

2) not a workout day 3/12.  I did have to take my monthly measurements.  Nothing changed except my body fat % , which went down one point.   I'm not completely thrilled, but I know exactly why.  I've been tracking what I eat, but haven't exactly been eating healthy food lately.  I know ill overwhelm myself if I try to change too many things at once, but it's something to think about for my next challenge.

3) went to the park with Ellie today.  We met some friends there, but I took her on a short hp i.e. unit hike before they got there.  It wasn't as long as our usual walk, but I'm counting it because it was deliberate.  7/28.

4) chores were done 7/28.

 

i took some melatonin and went to bed around 8:30.  Woke up around 1:00 after a sleep cycle.  Was restless, so I got up and let Ellie out.  Went back to bed and eventually fell back asleep.  Slept until 6:00!  I actually feel kind of rested!  Certainly not exhausted like I usually am.  I had so many dreams.....  Maybe I can actually get some other things done today! ;) .

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Dancing a happy jig today :) 

my neighbor who is a trainer for customs dogs, just showed me how to use an electronic collar for Ellie.   This thing works like a dream, and she learned it within literally 10 seconds.   This makes things so much easier and less stressful for the both of us!  It means I can walk without it being a hardship on my joints from pulling on a leash, and it gives her freedom to explore and run.....  I'm just so tickled pink right now! :) 

 

1) so, not a dinner night.  Planning for pizzas this week 1/4

2) not a workout day 3/12

3) Ellie and I had an awesome walk! :) 7/28

4) chores were done - but spent most of the day helping my son with his homework.  7/28

 

a very satisfyingly productive day.....

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17 hours ago, naarasleijona said:

a very satisfyingly productive day.....

 

It's a great day to be great!

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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Monday was a mixed bag.  All boxes checked on my challenge, but I fell prey to some negative habits when I got home so....yeah not feeling too happy with myself 

1) not a dinner night. 1/4

2) did my workout 4/12 

3) Ellie and I walked.  Lol, this time my hubs came along, and he was so anxious about the collar that it put a little stress on the mood.  He was worried about her bolting.   She didn't.  She had a good time exploring. 9/28

4) a minimum of chores were done. 9/28

 

it would have been a good day except for a couple of things that sent me into a tail spin.  My youngest son is staying home while the rest of us go off to school or work.  His school doesn't start until after Labor Day.  That isn't a big deal.  But 1) I forgot all about him in the sense that I picked up my eldest son from school which happened to be the perfect time to view the eclipse, which was great, but I didn't even realize until I got home that my other son didn't even have any opportunity to see it.  (We didn't get glasses or anything).  I felt ashamed of my self for not even thinking of him :( .   And then to add insult to injury, I wasted the whole night reading.  Now normally this wouldn't be bad for most people, but I have issues of addiction with reading - I tend to put everything else on hold, including all of my responsibilities, so instead of playing with my son when he clearly was asking for some company, I instead chose reading over him.   I now feel like a shit :( .

I've made a promise to myself that Tuesday will be different.   

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I totally get this feeling.  There have been plenty of times I've screwed up with my kids and fallen short of being the super-dad that I'd like to be.  Every parent does; you're totally not alone.  But, when I sit down and talk it out with them, it gives me the opportunity to model how to make an apology, which is a life skill they really need.  And it shows them that everyone's human, and making a mistake isn't a tragedy.  And they're very forgiving little people.  Anyway, that's been my experience.  

 

Good job resolving to make Tuesday a better day!  KBO!

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  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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Don't know where my log from last night went, so just gonna do a quick summary. :)

 

1) not a dinner night, but I've got everything to go for Wednesday 1/4

2) not a workout day. 4/12

3) Went for a walk with Ellie 10/28

4) did a couple more than the minimum for chores.  10/28.  

 

Had a good time playing Lego Avengers with my son.  All is well in the world again ;)

 

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Glad you got to play with your son! 100% agreeing with Cheetah on parenting. We all make mistakes. But when we apologize to our kids, and tell them we are going to work on improving, it helps them see how a person  works on improving

Wisdom 21   Dexterity 11   Charisma 14   Strength 18  Constitution-12

Elastigirl Endeavors, Experiments, , and Explains - Current Challenge: May 9 to June 12 - Nerd Fitness Rebellion

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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