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Severine Should Start Listening...


Severine

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17 hours ago, Severine said:

Super short report: I'm home! We were supposed to come home tomorrow morning, but this afternoon my friend texted me and asked if I could sit her dog starting tomorrow and I got guilt-tripped into saying yes even though I don't want to. Long story behind why I don't want to, but anyway. So we decided to come home tonight both to beat traffic (Cape Cod traffic on Saturdays is insane in the summer) and also so I could have some time to get settled at home tomorrow before I have to go off dog sitting. 

 

 

Sorry your coming home early. Hope that you can still enjoy tomorrow even if its not where you wanted to be. I would call it a staycation day..

 

17 hours ago, Severine said:

Got a text from my grandmother this morning. It made me wonder what she'd think if I told her I based a challenge around her. I'm going to have to ponder whether I want to tell her.

 

This is something I do wonder about. I mean aside from basing it on a person you know (would they be flattered or upset that you based it on them) but does anyone tell anyone IRL that they are here, besides Significant Others obviously or do you just keep it a secret?

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1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

This is something I do wonder about. I mean aside from basing it on a person you know (would they be flattered or upset that you based it on them) but does anyone tell anyone IRL that they are here, besides Significant Others obviously or do you just keep it a secret?

I've mentioned to friends and such, I am here. None of them have been that interested so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I might have mentioned it to my parents or so, but really, most people I know don't care about forums and/or barely know what they are.

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Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

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2 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

This is something I do wonder about. I mean aside from basing it on a person you know (would they be flattered or upset that you based it on them) but does anyone tell anyone IRL that they are here, besides Significant Others obviously or do you just keep it a secret?

The only one IRL I really talk to about NF is my therapist.

 

I have talked about it in the past with my parents. I think the first time was around when the book came out. And then my mom went and bought the e-book. Which is how I got to read it (we share an amazon account). But that never translated over to them joining the forums. Though I did suggest it a couple of times.

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On 8/26/2017 at 0:50 AM, Kvedulf said:

Yeah, I kind of drifted away a bit and am fighting to bring myself back here properly. I don't have a challenge yet. My current "challenge" is simply to come here everyday and post something, somewhere. Don't have a thread yet. But don't worry, I intend to spam the threads of a few people :P

 

Excellent! I just got back from vacation so I have some catching up to do on other people's threads, so hopefully we'll cross paths. Definitely let me know if you make a thread, though, whether it's a challenge or a battle log or whatever. I'm in suspense to know how things are going with you and the family and the horticulture saga.

 

On 8/26/2017 at 5:15 AM, Dagger said:

Guilt-tripping sucks a lot. Like a huge amount.

 

That sunrise morning sounds great. It sounds like you might have been sleeping better? Or is that just me projecting onto your words?

 

Yeah I'm kicking myself for agreeing to do it because ultimately I'm the one who allowed her pressure tactics to succeed. I could have said no, but I let my social discomfort overrule my brain. I need to work on this.

 

And yes, I have been sleeping better! I was worried vacation would mess me up again because it was a different bed, different place, etc. but it turned out mostly okay.

 

19 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

This is something I do wonder about. I mean aside from basing it on a person you know (would they be flattered or upset that you based it on them) but does anyone tell anyone IRL that they are here, besides Significant Others obviously or do you just keep it a secret?

18 hours ago, Dagger said:

I've mentioned to friends and such, I am here. None of them have been that interested so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I might have mentioned it to my parents or so, but really, most people I know don't care about forums and/or barely know what they are.

16 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

The only one IRL I really talk to about NF is my therapist.

 

I have talked about it in the past with my parents. I think the first time was around when the book came out. And then my mom went and bought the e-book. Which is how I got to read it (we share an amazon account). But that never translated over to them joining the forums. Though I did suggest it a couple of times.

 

I definitely don't keep it a secret but I also don't talk about it much. It sounds like my situation is similar to Dagger's - most people I know don't really use or care about forums, so talking about it in detail just wouldn't make sense. Usually when I do mention it, it's in the context of explaining where I heard about an article or video or something, or explaining how I know a person (like when I told people Dagger was coming to visit me, or when I mentioned that I was planning to run the Fenway sprint with people from NF).

 

It has of course occurred to me that people I know IRL could stumble across NF and figure out who I am - there's definitely enough detail to confirm it's me. And while I'd feel weird about that (I don't love the idea of coworkers reading my posts about my body image, for example) it wouldn't be the end of the world and the forums provide a really useful space for me to explore those issues so I think it's worth the risk. As for stuff I've sad about individual people, my general internet policy is never write something about someone you wouldn't say to their face, because you never know whether they'll see it. So like, my friend J - I've talked on here about how much I love him and also about how he sometimes hurts me and drives me insane - all are things I have said directly to him, so it's not like they'd be a surprise. When writing about other people I do try not to include details that'd make it easy for them to be identified. 

 

I would be pretty unhappy about the idea of my mother joining NF, so @zeroh13 probably has a much different parent/child relationship situation than I do :D 

 

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54 minutes ago, Severine said:

I would be pretty unhappy about the idea of my mother joining NF, so @zeroh13 probably has a much different parent/child relationship situation than I do :D

Probably. I have a weird relationship with my mother. Though at the time I was suggesting it to her, I wasn't posting that much personal stuff (life, mental health, etc). I was more just thinking that it could benefit her a lot and she'd really fit in here (nerd struggling with creating a healthy lifestyle who also reads a lot of self-help books).

 

Though we do have the thing where she'd act more like an older sibling than a parent. Thankfully she wasn't too irresponsible. Just really not the best when it comes to being a parent. Part of it is probably cause she was 18 when she had me.

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22 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

This is something I do wonder about. I mean aside from basing it on a person you know (would they be flattered or upset that you based it on them) but does anyone tell anyone IRL that they are here, besides Significant Others obviously or do you just keep it a secret?

I was a bit more of an evangelist when I first joined the forums and brought it up with a couple of people, but none of them really seemed interested. My former boss came up to me one time and was like "hey so I found this super cool online thing you might like it" (turned out to be NF Academy), so that was amusing. She's not on the forums though. 

 

Aside from that, since I do most of my socializing here, of course it comes up in conversation from time to time. But I try to be casual about it: "A friend from my forum was saying," "I saw on that forum that..." etc. 

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Late to the conversation but re: telling people about this - I would tell my family or friends I frequently went out to dinner with if I was changing something in my diet (eg going veg) so they'd have a heads up. I talked about it at work if it came up (I was vegan when valentine's day rolled around and everyone kept trying to get me to eat the donuts we had in the office) and occasionally would mention going running that morning or something, but I didn't volunteer it. I don't like to tell people "hey I'm actively trying to get healthier/lose weight" because I just don't want their input. Here is fine, but I hate that once you announce your intentions everyone is an expert on what you should be doing.

 

As far as NF goes, my family, roommate, and therapist all know it as "that fitness site I'm on." I did tell my therapist the name in case she wanted to send anyone this way (not sure if she did, but I know she told a few other clients about Habitica after I mentioned it once) but no one else really cared. If a natural place ever comes up in conversation for it, maybe I'll drop it. Who knows.

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Random dog sitting thoughts:
 

Spoiler

 

Not sure if I mentioned it, but the dog sitting also includes a bonus cat. Except that it's really a demon in a cat body and hates people, so other than feeding it twice a day and scooping out the litter box I don't need to pay attention to it. And I'm sitting here on this couch and the cat is sitting across the room under a fern just staring at me. Like no changing positions, no movement. Just sitting and staring. Going on forty-five minutes now. Creepy, creepy cat.

 

Also, can I just say how baffled I am at people who don't have blinds or drapes or any other window coverings?? I guess they either wear normal clothes at home all the time, or don't care if neighbours and randos walking by see them in their pajamas or whatever. But yeah I am looking forward to getting back to my place where I can march into my kitchen wearing a blanket cape and make some tea, fearing no judgement.


Their dog is adorable, though. When you put his harness on to take him for a walk, he grabs the handle of the leash in his mouth and carries it around excitedly and it's the sweetest thing ever. He's like, "here I've got it for you! Just take it and we're ready to go!"

 

I thought it over and I think a lot of why I'm bothered about doing this is because of what happened when this woman and I were business partners. I guess I'm still out of sorts about how flaky and unreliable and downright volatile she was as a co-owner, and how much more work I ended up doing. And the way this all went down just seems a small reprise of all of that drama and disorganization. Because normally I am happy to house sit or help out in general. Usually I feel nice about helping a friend, whereas this time I feel kind of...I don't know. I am glad I could help her out, and I do care about her, but there's also something else it's hard to articulate. Anyway, so it feels a little better somehow just to understand why I feel this way. And I'm done as of tomorrow morning so I'm eager to finish and move on.

 

 

Anyway. The vacation was pretty okay in the end, but I'm not sure we're going to rent a house on Cape Cod again. D's mum loves it there and will basically always assume she's going to join us for half the week, which after this year I have no desire to repeat. But there's no way to tell her she can't come without seriously hurting her feelings. She does not take boundary assertions well at all and she doesn't understand anyone who wants to limit the time spent with their family. It's a lot easier to just go somewhere else where she won't try to join in.

 

The good thing about the vacation, goals-wise, was all the exercise. And L and I had so much fun walking in the mornings together that we decided to make it a regular thing before work. I'm happy about this because we can support each other in our health goals and and I know from experience that starting my day with light exercise improves my mood and helps me stay on track with food choices throughout the day.

 

Speaking of food, that was the bad part of the vacation. Ugh. It was unrealistic of me to think I'd be able to eat well when so much of our food was from restaurants. And I forgot my food scale, which meant I wasn't tracking even with homemade food, which always makes it easier for me to rationalize bad choices. 

 

I did my meditation every day, though, and I did have a lot of moments where thinking of my grandmother helped me muster the oomph (as my grandma would say) to do some little task like wash the dishes or run to the grocery store or listen politely to a tiresome story. 

 

Another good thing is that this challenge is helping me identify with certainty the area of my greatest weakness and the thing I need my next challenge to be about: food. Everything else (exercise, meditation, therapy, productivity) happens most or all of the time, but yeah, vacation is not the only thing that throws it off. Almost everything throws me off with food. So am beginning to brainstorm about that.

 

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Just did some Latin translations for the listserv translation group I joined and feeling really content about it.

 

Also the new Headspace pack I just started, on the topic of regret, wants me to make a big list of all the things I can think of that I regret. And then spend 30 seconds thinking about each item before putting a line through it (not that just putting a line through it makes it go away, but just as an exercise). And ugh. That does not sound like a fun way to spend time. But I started the damn pack for a reason so yeah, I should probably do it.

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Just now, Severine said:

Also the new Headspace pack I just started, on the topic of regret, wants me to make a big list of all the things I can think of that I regret. And then spend 30 seconds thinking about each item before putting a line through it (not that just putting a line through it makes it go away, but just as an exercise). And ugh. That does not sound like a fun way to spend time. But I started the damn pack for a reason so yeah, I should probably do it.

I might steal this exercise. But like, that will take hours. Maybe days. (also wtf did they decide to come out with better packs once I cancelled? D: )

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3 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I might steal this exercise. But like, that will take hours. Maybe days.

 

Hah, exactly.

 

3 minutes ago, fleaball said:

(also wtf did they decide to come out with better packs once I cancelled? D: )

 

If I can keep my streak until 90 days, I get a new friend code, which you'd be welcome to. Which technique did you say annoyed you? I can see how many of the new packs are using it.

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2 minutes ago, Severine said:

If I can keep my streak until 90 days, I get a new friend code, which you'd be welcome to. Which technique did you say annoyed you? I can see how many of the new packs are using it.

Light pouring into your body from your toes and filling you up? Or something like that? I just couldn't get into it. I appreciate the offer but I'll pass on the code. I did like the theme setup but right now I prefer the freedom to pick whatever I want on Insight Timer.

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Light pouring into your body from your toes and filling you up? Or something like that? I just couldn't get into it.


Ah okay. Only one I've encountered with that so far is the "end of day" single. But I haven't tried that many.

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54 minutes ago, Severine said:


 

 


Ah okay. Only one I've encountered with that so far is the "end of day" single. But I haven't tried that many.

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I think one of the mini meditations used it too, I forget which one. I know I've encountered it, and I haven't done the "end of day" single. I think I'll just skip that one... I have trouble with the more abstract visualizations.

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I forget which ones it was in, but it seemed like it was every new one for a while. Maybe self-esteem and generosity? ( @NeverThatBored help? Am I crazy?)

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1 hour ago, fleaball said:

I forget which ones it was in, but it seemed like it was every new one for a while. Maybe self-esteem and generosity? ( @NeverThatBored help? Am I crazy?)

 

So many of them! Sleep, I think. Maybe kindness? It's gotten hard to remember which uses which but there definitely are a bunch of them. I'm not a huge fan of that one either, but I've gotten used to it. 

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Thanks for all the input guys. I guess I am like flea, I don't want anyone's input, partially because I know I will be mocked for it by some people.

Anyway, sorry to backtrack. The regrets thing could be interesting, or I could just bring up old pain for no reason. I guess it would depend on my mood. May be interesting to try when I am in a better headspace than currently

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17 hours ago, fleaball said:

As far as NF goes, my family, roommate, and therapist all know it as "that fitness site I'm on."

Also late to the conversation here, but I don’t think I’ve told anyone about NF. Most of my close family are not Internet People except for my sister, but it hasn’t come up in conversation with her yet.

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Little thing I am proud of today: I got a letter from the city of Cambridge saying that I had an unpaid parking ticket from July and I owed them $35. But it's bogus - I always pay using the app, which means the meters don't show that you paid, and I guess some of the meter enforcement people aren't used to it yet or something so sometimes you get bullshit tickets. So I know I don't actually owe the money but I have to pull up the receipt in email and lodge a dispute. My first instinct was ugh fuck this, I'll deal with it later. But then I realized that it'd only take five minutes and there was no good reason to put it off, so I sucked it up and just did it because that's what my grandma would have done. And felt way better once I did.

 

Also as of this morning I'm done with sitting the dog and demon-cat! Woo! 

 

Monster headache today and I am exhausted. So potentially an early bedtime (early for me, anyway) because tomorrow morning is the first day of my plan to walk for 30 minutes with L before work. Unfortunately due to schedules, the walk has to be from 6:00 - 6:30. Normally I'm up around 7 so this will be an adjustment. For someone who spent years waking up at 5:15 for farming I've become kind of a wimp about early wakeups.

 

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Some things I am worrying/thinking about this morning:

  • I need to buy new running shoes (my existing ones are literally falling apart) but I'm a supinator a.k.a. underpronator and most shoes are made for people with the opposite of my problem. I've never found a shoe I really love so this happens every time I need to replace my shoes: I read a zillion reviews and articles and don't know who to believe because there's no consensus. Previously what has always happened is I buy something and it ends up being only just okay, but by then I'm so exhausted and demoralized with ShoeQuest that I just suck it up and wear them anyway.
  • I have weird tingliness or quasi-numbness (like I don't actually lose sensation but it feels like the start of when a limb falls asleep) of intermittent severity in my right lower arm/hand and the right side of my right calf/ankle. I sort of have a hint of it on the left side too but nothing nearly as severe. This has been happening on and off for years and has previously been diagnosed as carpal tunnel or Reynaud's, but I feel like it's getting worse, and I'm not convinced the previous doctors really figured it out. This is the same leg where I had fairly serious peroneal nerve damage from a work injury years ago (many many hours harvesting strawberries in this position in the fields resulted in severe numbness and the complete inability to lift my foot, which made walking very hard, but then it got better with time/rehab) and I'm not sure if that old injury is exacerbating whatever other problems I have, or if it's all somehow related and that injury happened because of another issue. I'm worried I have some kind of serious nerve issue and am mildly freaked out.
    • Previously this got a lot better when I lost weight so that's definitely some added motivation. But I still worry about whatever underlying issue there might be.
  • I'm thinking of focusing specifically on mobility and stability and stretching for the next little while, partially because I feel so stiff and fragile compared to back when I was farming, and partially because I think it might help whatever nonsense is going on with my nervous system. To that end I am pondering buying/starting Elements because I've heard a lot of good things.
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Silly question, but have you tried going to a running store to get fitted/see your options? I got my first pair of shoes from Marathon Sports and they were great at helping me figure out what I needed. (Disclaimer, apparently I don't pronate or whatever so it was pretty easy for me.) I also just got the newest issue of Runners World in the mail (not sure why tbh but okay) and they've got reviews of new shoes if you want me to look for that kind for you. 

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23 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

Also late to the conversation here, but I don’t think I’ve told anyone about NF. Most of my close family are not Internet People except for my sister, but it hasn’t come up in conversation with her yet.

 

Yeahhh, I always just refer to people here as "internet friends" if they come up in conversation. I kind of worry that if I tell the wrong people about NF they'll come stalk me here and then I won't feel comfortable talking freely about things related to those people. 

 

46 minutes ago, Severine said:

Some things I am worrying/thinking about this morning:

  • I need to buy new running shoes (my existing ones are literally falling apart) but I'm a supinator a.k.a. underpronator and most shoes are made for people with the opposite of my problem. I've never found a shoe I really love so this happens every time I need to replace my shoes: I read a zillion reviews and articles and don't know who to believe because there's no consensus. Previously what has always happened is I buy something and it ends up being only just okay, but by then I'm so exhausted and demoralized with ShoeQuest that I just suck it up and wear them anyway.

 

Ughhh I feel you so hard on this. I'm currently in shoe review limbo reading about OCR shoe options since I need to replace mine. Honestly, the best thing you can do is go try shoes on and find a pair that feels comfortable without worrying about what the shoes are actually designed for. Most running stores will let you do some running in or around the store to try them too. They also often have pretty generous return policies. 

 

If there's a specific brand of shoe you tend to like, it's often a good idea to try different shoes of the same brand because they have similar structural elements. 

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Sorry I've just been lurking up to this point, but, argh, ShoeQuest! I can't tell you how many times I've been "Can't I just go barefoot?" or "I wonder how hard it is to make your own shoes..." I hope you can find a good pair soon.

 

I've been thinking about Elements too. Is there something in particular stopping you, or have you just now started thinking about it?

 

There's a thread about it too this challenge if you haven't seen it yet: 

 

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5 hours ago, fleaball said:

Silly question, but have you tried going to a running store to get fitted/see your options? I got my first pair of shoes from Marathon Sports and they were great at helping me figure out what I needed. (Disclaimer, apparently I don't pronate or whatever so it was pretty easy for me.) I also just got the newest issue of Runners World in the mail (not sure why tbh but okay) and they've got reviews of new shoes if you want me to look for that kind for you. 

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Ughhh I feel you so hard on this. I'm currently in shoe review limbo reading about OCR shoe options since I need to replace mine. Honestly, the best thing you can do is go try shoes on and find a pair that feels comfortable without worrying about what the shoes are actually designed for. Most running stores will let you do some running in or around the store to try them too. They also often have pretty generous return policies. 

 

If there's a specific brand of shoe you tend to like, it's often a good idea to try different shoes of the same brand because they have similar structural elements. 

 

Yeah I think I need to suck it up and go get assessed at a store. I might try Marathon sports if you had a good experience there, Flea, because there's one not too far from me. My problem is that I get super self conscious about going to those places because I'm not a 'real' athlete and I use my running shoes for walking more often than running. I worry they won't take me seriously, or it'll just be super awkward, or...I don't even 100% know what I'm worried about, heh. Obviously I just need to suck it up and get over it, because no amount of reading articles on the internet can substitute for just trying the shoes.

 

5 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

Yeahhh, I always just refer to people here as "internet friends" if they come up in conversation. I kind of worry that if I tell the wrong people about NF they'll come stalk me here and then I won't feel comfortable talking freely about things related to those people. 

 

Yeah "internet friend" or "a person I met online" is usually my phrasing with people other than D and L and close friends. Because yeah, I don't exactly want to advertise to every acquaintance where they can easily read way more private stuff about me than I'd ever intentionally tell them. 

 

1 hour ago, PollyannaAgain said:

Sorry I've just been lurking up to this point, but, argh, ShoeQuest! I can't tell you how many times I've been "Can't I just go barefoot?" or "I wonder how hard it is to make your own shoes..." I hope you can find a good pair soon.

 

ShoeQuest is the worst game ever! 2/10, do not recommend. And yeah at home barefoot or slippers is 100% my preference. If only that wasn't painful and dangerous outside.

 

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I've been thinking about Elements too. Is there something in particular stopping you, or have you just now started thinking about it?

 

Nothing stopping me other than wanting to feel relatively sure it's a good idea before I dive in. I have a tendency to get super excited about shiny new things and I'm trying to get a little less impetuous and think before embarking on a new plan. But after everything I've heard from people here, and looking at the description on the site and who it's meant for, it really does seem like a very good fit for me. So I am going to go for it.

 

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There's a thread about it too this challenge if you haven't seen it yet: 

 

 

Thank you! I had no idea this existed. You're the best!

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9 minutes ago, Severine said:

Yeah I think I need to suck it up and go get assessed at a store. I might try Marathon sports if you had a good experience there, Flea, because there's one not too far from me. My problem is that I get super self conscious about going to those places because I'm not a 'real' athlete and I use my running shoes for walking more often than running. I worry they won't take me seriously, or it'll just be super awkward, or...I don't even 100% know what I'm worried about, heh. Obviously I just need to suck it up and get over it, because no amount of reading articles on the internet can substitute for just trying the shoes.

My father goes there all the time for walking shoes. I took my mother there to get proper shoes and insoles for her plantar fasciitis. Before I went to school in England I went over and I said I expected to be walking everywhere and could they please find me something so my legs wouldn't fall off. They just make you roll up your pant legs a bit and take off your shoes then walk back and forth while they watch you. They bring out a few pairs and encourage you to go out and walk/run around outside to get a feel for them on concrete. It's def worth it if you're having trouble doing it on your own. 

 

I need to go at some point and get a new pair for running and probably walking as well. If you want we can go together? (fwiw I def felt self conscious the first time because I was clearly not a runner so what right did I have to be there?)

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