J3nn - Gets Stuff Done

[J3NN]

My last challenge was a success, so of course I'm late to getting this one started. GISHWHES was last week, it was worth it, but now I feel in the hole.

 

I have three categories this time: Fitness, Mastermind Group, Marie Kondo my bedroom

 

Fitness

Two workouts per week

Bonus workout - either a Fitness Marshall workout, a hike, or some other such thing.

 

Mastermind Group

Each Friday we set a list of goals for the coming week, so this will change on a weekly basis.

This week my goal is to write a blog post about GISHWHES

 

Marie Kondo my bedroom

Many of you will know I've been going through a kitchen remodel. Our next installation date is August 22nd when we'll finally get the counters installed. After that, we still have to replumb all the water things, and add the tile backsplash. And for 2018, new floor. This has been going on since early June with a medical emergency detour and a summer vacation too boot. So, for the last two and a half months I've been living in a walk pantry. It's taking it's toll on me. I need somewhere to call a sanctuary, I'm going to make that my bedroom.

tldr

Spoiler

What most of you don't know is that Labor Day weekend 2015 we had a very sick kitty who had surgery. We were able to bring him home for the night, but it had to be last thing. So we watched a movie and all piled into the truck to run to the vet's to bring him home. When we left there were two kids walking around (9:30 on a Saturday night) and they saw us leave. We were gone 15 minutes, 20 minutes tops. We drove up to the house and my daughter asked why the side gate was open. My husband went to check it out and we went in the front door. As we go in the front door I hear my husband yell HEY!. Which is odd, because the house should be all closed up, but that's when I realize the lights on and the back door is open. To make a very long story short...we walked in on the two kids robbing our house. One was in the backyard with stuff and fled over the fence when he heard my husband. The other was in my bedroom. My daughter (she was 23 at the time, so it's not like was a little kid) walked in on him and tried to grab him and hold him. I get on the phone with 911, my husband runs in and tries to subdue the guy, but it turns out he's high and has super human strength, so he gets away after a couple good blows from my husband. Cops show up, they start the proceedings and we discover that they dropped their personal belongings. One their iPhone, another his wallet. They're known so the cops track em down. Forensics show up and does their stuff. My daughter and husband go and identify them and hours later we have our house back. Our poor kitty had to stay in his carrier the whole time, thank goodness he was medicated. Our house was trashed. They went to all the good stuff immediately. They found our backpacks and started loading up, ipad's first. They left the laptops. They went through my family bible, three generations old. They didn't damage it thankfully. They went through all our drawers, and he was going through my jewelry and had a bunch of it already.  Nothing was broken, but nothing was the same.

 

We picked stuff up. Put it away. We got an alarm system. We burned sage. We stopped jumping at every noise (well maybe). We became less  paranoid when the doorbell rang (again maybe). We forget to set the alarm once in a while now. Life  is pretty much back to normal. Except that, after all that time, my bedroom became something that had become unclean, but it felt like it wasn't worth cleaning it up because at anytime some crazy could walk in and mess it up again. I've had some mental challenges with this. To this day I've never untangled all my necklaces, I've never re-paired all my earrings. I don't even know if some of them were ever found. They're tiny little things.  I want to live in a place that brings me joy. I want to have a retreat for me and my husband to enjoy together.

 

It's time.

 

So, I'm going to jump to the chapter on bedrooms in The Magic of Tidying Up and I'm going to work through my bedroom this challenge.

 

I'll find the book and update my challenge specifics with that later. But I at least wanted to get in and say I'm here and let's do this!

 

No points this time, that worked really well for me, but I want to do the things this time because I want to and need to, not because the points are pushing me. I hope that makes sense.

[Plazmotic]

So sorry about what happened to your house, that is some scary stuff! I can totally see why it might cause a mental block with keeping things neat and organized, good luck with your cleanup.

[PollyannaAgain]

How scary! I hope the Kondo thing will help. I've seen a lot of people who really enjoyed doing it.

[zeroh13]

I've also heard a lot of good things about the book & method. Hoping it helps!

 

On 8/14/2017 at 0:09 AM, J3NN said:

No points this time, that worked really well for me, but I want to do the things this time because I want to and need to, not because the points are pushing me. I hope that makes sense.

It makes complete sense to me.

 

Good luck!

[J3NN]

Yesterday was my daughter's birthday (she's a quarter of a century old, OMG) so I took the night off from updating. However, I did lurk in the forums and hit some likes so I was still engaged.

 

I did draft the blog post yesterday, so it's ready for cleanup. I think tomorrow I'll work on a template for lessons learned blog posts and then use this one to test it.

 

Today was a gym visit. I'm looking for a tracker, but I have something I'll use for now. I think I'll go lurk in the Assassin's to see how they track workouts. Here's mine for now https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1fzYlx_QrKGBwfqpNZocYpdh_7qq8nu7KA4w8dyL1z78/edit?usp=sharing If anyone knows of anyone that's got good stuff I'd appreciate a point in the right direction. Thanks in advance.

 

I'm exhausted, it was a long day, so much time at my desk that my neck and back were screaming by the end of the day. I had to roll out to stretch before I could even do my workout. But I'm glad I went. Now some lurking or reading my novel or, just bed...

[juliebarkley]

Yay! Konmari with me! What happened to you would spook anyone, and I hope that reconnecting with your own joy will let you feel safer in your own home, and you can get rid of things that remind you of bad times.

 

What are your workouts like?

[J3NN]

7 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

What are your workouts like?

I have two workouts I do. I have a gym membership as a benefit from my work. I was able to take some classes led by a personal trainer and she taught us to use all the equipment the right way. The class leveled up to more HIIT stuff which I love, but I can only do two classes a year, so right now I'm just trying to keep my momentum going and a friend and I meet at the gym twice a week for accountability. Here are the two workouts I do. Typically 3 reps of 15 where you see weights, and I've started tracking the weights so I actually challenge myself and move up over time. On the weekends I try to get in some cardio/hiking with my family. Usually not far, maybe 2 miles, but it's something.

 

Upper Body/Core

Bicycle forward

Bicycle reverse

Squat

Core cross, left

Core cross, right

Abs

Overhead press

Low pull

Press

High pull

Lower Body/Core

#15 seated leg press

#12 seated leg curl

#20 leg extension

#4 outer thigh

#5 inner thigh

#11 glutes, left

#11 glutes, right

[Jlailin]

Good luck with your challenge!  I'm sorry about what happened to your house and your poor kitty!  Having a personal space violated like that sounds traumatizing.  Best of luck with the Konmari!  I've wanted to do that to my place as well, but I just haven't gotten myself to get started. (I'm also ridiculously sentimental, so I have a feeling I'm going to pick up everything something I really should get rid of and say that it brings me joy because of all the memories.)  I will be rooting for you!  

 

 

[J3NN]

What day is it? Who am I? What have I done this week? Right, nothing. Sometimes that happens I guess. My plans for blogging last night were consumed by trying to get HBO Now to work on our TV, which it never did. So we all piled around the biggest laptop screen we have and watched two episodes of Season 7 GOT to start getting caught up. That was important right? So bummed the thing wouldn't work on our big screen though. :/

 

So I'm having a bad week motivationally. (Red underline, just because you don't think it's a word doesn't mean that people won't understand what I mean...really). More about my lost motivation in the spoiler.

 

Spoiler

Apparently this has been brewing for a while, but I'm very cyclical in that this always comes around... Not usually this time of year, but it happens with pretty normal frequency. I go through these mini life-crisis periods where I wonder if I'm doing the right thing with my life, why I'm not happier, how much I screwed up my daughter raising her as a child myself, etc. etc. etc. I think right now things are just coming to a head in multiple areas of life so it seems like it's off cycle and worse than normal. (It always seems worse, but truly they're almost always the same) Sometimes if I write stuff down I feel better for at least getting off my chest, so pretend you're just reading my diary or something.

 

Work

Things have been crazy at work, I've talked about that over my threads, but I thought it was maybe about to turn a corner. Then on Friday my boss described this epiphany he had. I get it, we all want the same things he wants. Time to reflect, time to do the work that comes out of meetings, time to plan ahead and lead and grow the team. The organization doesn't really support that. Somehow he's going to try to change that, for him personally, and expects that to have a trickle effect down to all of us. He's going to decrease frequency of some meetings, he's going to delegate, he's going to have a task list and only check email once a day. He's going to spend time working with his three teams to find ways to collaborate and work together better. He set this goal and committed to it at some point, I can't remember the exact wording, but he has a strategic plan he paid a consultant to write, and in it the plan was to bring the teams together. For the past three or four months (maybe longer) he's had me (as his process guru) trying to bring the teams together in a single project management platform with a new process for project review, assignment and status reporting. (On top of doing a job he never gave me the title for, operations director, project managing our complete overhaul for all our web properties, and doing my original job of running the intranet)  So slowly but surely I've been chipping away at this and we're close to piloting this, and now all of a sudden he starts talking about a new process... different than the one I'm working on. Excuse me? Aside from that, he calls me yesterday and he asks me to pull together a meeting because one of my peers, another director here, isn't doing his job, so why don't I just do it for him. Really? That's how we're going to play this? I'm so frustrated. I'm about to have my own epiphany. I think it's time to start saying no.  Today is our big day too... we're releasing the first wave of redesigned sites. No stress around here. None at all.

 

Home

Kitchen Remodel. Need I say more.  10 weeks of this... At least one more to go. If not more. And that's just to get the counter installed. Then there's still hooking up the oven, and the plumbing for the sink and dishwasher. Then the backsplash. And finally the flooring. Baby steps. We're getting there. By the end of the month maybe I'll have my workable kitchen. I don't know if that will make life better, but I think it would be nice to have normal food routines. Apparently we were weird in that we actually cooked dinner four or five times a week... 

 

Personal

Rituals are missing. I saw this announcement and ad on Facebook and it keeps showing up. I wonder if it's just subliminal, or if I'm really missing something. http://www.thedragontree.com/2017/07/05/rituals-for-transformation/ I know with all the craziness at work and the stuff at home, my normal routines have been out the window, except for going to the gym. I also have felt over the years that my life is lacking ritual. I'm not religious, I don't have any special ceremonies, but I crave them, that sense of connection. I keep thinking I can make my own, but nothing sticks. I used to write morning pages (a la Julia Cameron), I read a daily devotional from Saran Von Breathnach (been through that twice), I've tried holiday rituals, but there just isn't something that makes my heart sing. I want that. 

 

Parenting

I am a sucky parent. My daughter turned 25 Monday. I had her when I was 17. I feel older than I am because my daughter is so old and other parents with kids that age are older than me. I've always been in this weird limbo place. But that's not the point. The point is, she is talented and beautiful and completely has no aspiration that drives her at all. (I wonder where she gets that.....)  She suffers from anxiety and depression. She's an extrovert, but she hates crowds and people. She's on her third or fourth career plan. She's been attending community college for six years. She's had one real job that she held down for one year. That ended the week of Mother's Day. I did do a good job to raise her to be ambitious or to be accomplished. I took the easy way out. Helping her with homework was hard for me. I could not figure out how to help her understand. Her brain doesn't work the same way my brain does and so homework was an utter fail, for both of us. Eventually we just gave up. She had a boyfriend that she claims emotionally abused her, it ruined her for years. She went to a therapist, after years of fighting against it and he was a waste of her time. She didn't like his suggestions or methods and left him after only a couple months. She's been on and off meds to help her sleep and help her cope. I have a hard time letting her be her and understanding how she can be happy doing what she's doing and sometimes I say it out loud in not very nice ways. I just want her to be able to take care of herself. I want her to have what she needs. I want her to find her way in this world. I don't know how to support her since what she says meets those requirements looks so different from what I think it should look like. Does that even make sense? Anyway, last week she found out after talking to her school counselor that she's finally at the end of the programs at community college. She has one class left to earn her Associate's Degree in History. With two more classes after that she will have an Associate's in Social Sciences. Then she can move on to a certificate program in emergency management to set her on the path for being an Emergency Management Specialist (not as in medical, as in coordinating disaster plans for companies). When she called to tell me she was obviously super excited. She was so proud that she was close to having two degrees. And what did I say, because I'm incapable of keeping my mouth shut? I told her yeah, but you should already have your bachelor's degree. I bit my tongue and didn't say anything about it not being a good idea to take the EMT classes, that's medical based because they're not the same thing. But it was too late, I'd already blown it. Apparently, she went home and locked herself away and cried for a while because I wasn't proud of her. She never said anything to me, my husband told me late that night. So of course I felt sick, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus on anything. I just kept thinking about what an awful mom I am and how I've failed her from the very beginning and that it's too late to do anything about it now. I apologized to her, I sent her a message, and she never replied. At least I tried.

 

So yeah... everything's coming to a head... not to mention dealing with the emotional baggage of trying to clean up my bedroom. I've hit a complete block there and have made zero progress. 

 

I think Ugh sums it up.

 

Beyond that, well it's Thursday, I've got my tracker set up to go do lower body at the gym tonight. Tomorrow is the mastermind group check in. I also have a haircut scheduled. I'm two weeks overdue, and that's another long story. I'm trying someone new. Wish me luck. Saturday we're taking our season passes to Universal Studios Hollywood so that we actually get our money's worth out of them, and so we get to see the light show before it ends. That means no cleaning in the bedroom like I thought. Sunday is hike day, unless it turns out not to be with all the chores to get caught up on. We'll see. From here it's not looking that good.

 

[zeroh13]

5 hours ago, J3NN said:

What day is it? Who am I? What have I done this week? Right, nothing. Sometimes that happens I guess.

It happens.

 

5 hours ago, J3NN said:

So I'm having a bad week motivationally. (Red underline, just because you don't think it's a word doesn't mean that people won't understand what I mean...really). More about my lost motivation in the spoiler.

Spoiler

5 hours ago, J3NN said:

I'm so frustrated. I'm about to have my own epiphany. I think it's time to start saying no.

Yeah. It sounds like you already have a lot more responsibilities than you should. And your boss doesn't sound very smart. 

 

5 hours ago, J3NN said:

Kitchen Remodel. Need I say more.  

I think once it's done things will be at least a little better. I remember when my parents had the kitchen remodeled, and of course it took longer than the estimate they gave us, and we ate sooo crappy. My standard lunch became a banana with peanut butter. (They cooked dinner nearly everyday, ordering or eating out was usually a once or twice a month thing.) Getting things back to normal was sorely needed.

 

6 hours ago, J3NN said:

Parenting

So, I'm definitely not a parent. But parts of this I understand. My mom was 18 when she had me, about six and a half months after she got married. All of my friend's parents were always so much older than mine. And had a completely different parenting style. (My parents were a little too hands off. And acted more like my friend or older sibling.)

 

Maybe it would help to sit down and have a little heart to heart talk? It sounds like both of you might have trouble understanding where the other is coming from.

 

It's never too late to try and change things. I never heard "I love you" or "I'm proud of you" until I was around your daughter's age. Hearing those things didn't change the past, but it was a start in changing the future. We still aren't exactly close, but very slowly we've started opening up to each other more.

 

I hope your weekend turns out a lot better than your week has.

[Elastigirl]

Hugs, Just read your spoiler content about your daughter. I have a son 26,.I think in a way, parenting an adult is even harder than when they were kids. They are just starting down the road to adulthood, and we have all this experience we want to share with them, and really they just need to figure it out on their own. I've said things to my son that I'm pretty sure he was annoyed at.  Trying to learn how to just bite my lip, but I don't always succeed like I should.Tell your daughter you love her, and you are sorry you hurt her feelings.Tell her how excited you are for her to finish the degree. And then be there at her graduation with flowers.  You sound like a good, caring mom.  Her husband most likely told you because he trusts you, and knows that you want a good relationship with her.

[J3NN]

On 8/17/2017 at 5:14 PM, Elastigirl said:

Tell your daughter you love her, and you are sorry you hurt her feelings.Tell her how excited you are for her to finish the degree. And then be there at her graduation with flowers. 

Good sound advice. Thank you for reading through my whining and complaining, I appreciate it.

[J3NN]

It's been a crazy week, time to check in:

 

Fitness

2 of 2 workouts per week (Tracker)

 

Mastermind Group

Drafted post on GISHWHES, need to finish.

This week's goals:

• One more draft
• Pick date for relaunching my blog and create my plan

Marie Kondo my bedroom

• I cleaned the dust off my bedside alarm clock radio
• I found my book to make a list
• Goals:
  • Make the list
  • Start doing stuff on the list

I'm also going to go buy that book and start it so that I'll finish to coincide with new year and see if I can start off fresh.

They are installing the counters on Tuesday. FINALLY!

[fleaball]

Your daughter sounds like my brother to a certain extent. He just turned 27. And while I may not be his parent, I definitely get the thing about not being able to support your daughter because what you're trying to do doesn't match her needs because my brother is the same way. I think @Elastigirl's advice is spot-on and I second @zeroh13's suggestion of having a heart-to-heart. If you explain to her where you're coming from then maybe she can tell you what kind of support she needs from you so you don't have to keep guessing. And then it might feel awkward to do but at least you'll know you're giving her the kind of help she asked for.

[J3NN]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

maybe she can tell you what kind of support she needs from you so you don't have to keep guessing

Thanks Flea, I've tried this in the past to no avail. But seeing it from you and @Elastigirl gives me an idea.  But giving her the help she asked for is exactly the best way to do this, it works for me with my employees, and it's saved much drama over the years, so this just makes sense.

 

Thanks!

[J3NN]

On 8/17/2017 at 5:14 PM, Elastigirl said:

Her husband most likely told you because he trusts you, and knows that you want a good relationship with her.

Just to clarify, it was my husband that told me. My daughter still lives at home and has sworn of relationships after that one bad boyfriend.

[juliebarkley]

There are lots of free Konmari lists online to help you break down the "komono" section into more manageable pieces.

 

Yay for counters!

[Elastigirl]

On ‎8‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 2:53 PM, J3NN said:

Just to clarify, it was my husband that told me. My daughter still lives at home and has sworn of relationships after that one bad boyfriend.

Oops, misunderstood you.  Now I understand. 

 

Looks like last week you did a great job with your goals!

[J3NN]

You guys I have a kitchen counter and a sink (with no water for 24 hours)!!!!

 

Otherwise... this week was off to a roaring start and then came to screeching halt. But that happens.

 

I ordered the Rituals book, I'll start that Sept 14 to get through the 108 day experience. I may start it a week early to give me a week to reflect and plan some for 2018.

 

I skipped the gym today. I feel guilty about that. My gym partner wasn't going tonight and I worked remote today while they installed the counters, so going to the gym means driving to the gym from home which is a lot harder than driving from work. Also, I don't have the same tension I normally have from being in my work environment. Instead I got kitty love all day long and that seems to have countered any stress I did have from the work activities.

 

I stayed home from work Monday, yesterday, with a crick in my neck and a migraine. I've been fighting this neck pain for weeks and it finally resulted in the headache. My husband bought us new pillows and I rolled on our foam roller a couple times. I'm hoping that I'll be able to kick this, it's getting old.

 

Sunday I did get some stuff done. I updated my tracker. I made my konmari list. I got through two items, getting all of the trash and all the recyclables. It made quite a difference in my room, but it made me see how far I still have to go. I also made my blog launch release plan. And now I'm having second thoughts. 

Spoiler

I started my blog in April 2014. I did two posts a week. One was just for fun, one was meaningful content. At the end of March in 2015 I found it too hard to keep up with a full-time job, full-time school (Communications with a Journalism emphasis) and the blog, so I sacrificed the blog. I posted a few times over the period I was in school, some assignments, one travel blog. I finished school in January and I told myself I'd get my blog going again. I created a mastermind group that started in March with the hopes of keeping me motivated and give me that extra accountability. I had also joined the forums here and discovered the four week challenges.

 

I wrote the blog because I wanted to be a writer. I thought it would be cool to make an income on the side. I love to write, or at least I love to put words on paper. I don't find myself lost in story worlds wanting to bring characters to life. I also don't find that I have a great voice that connects with people in a non-fiction manner. I find writing cathartic. I'm an introvert. I'm a thinker. Writing gives me the chance to reflect, to plan, to figure out what's really going on and to come up with solutions. Writing is so good for me, I wanted to share that with people. But I haven't found that.  In January we had a work retreat and in an icebreaker. I confessed to the group that I wanted to write. The group was really interested and asked a lot of questions. As I described it, one person said like a life hacker? And that really resonated with me. From that point I tried to change my focus. I wanted to write blogs that would share tips and tricks, things I have personally learned that make my life easier. I don't know how long I can keep that up, I'm not sure I really have that many tips and tricks. I have some good ones, but I fear that I'll run out of ideas pretty quick, even if I just post once a week.

 

Then yesterday I saw this video from Facebook. I didn't understand it, and I can't find it now, of course, but it was a video saying that you need to stop what you're doing. And that it's too late to reverse the actions of whatever it is you're doing. It was a public health PSA, but I didn't get the whole message somehow. I wish I had, but the message I got out of it was that we're workaholics and that we do too much and that we need to knock it off. I'm not even sure that was in the video, but sometimes you see what you need to see right?

 

So that has been going through my mind, and I keep thinking about how I need to feel like I'm accomplishing something with my life and how I thought my blog would do that for me. But I have accomplished things, I am accomplishing things. Why do I need a blog for that? Why do I feel guilty for working a full time job, leading a department every day, and coming home and wanting to just read, workout, watch tv, cook and eat enjoyable food? Why isn't that enough? Should I be more focused on being more fulfilled at work? Is being fulfilled even a thing?

 

Can't I just be fulfilled by making incremental progress on me here in these four week challenges. One level at a time? Even the challenges have epic goals, but I think I don't know what my epic goal needs to be yet. I need to explore and try more and do things to find out where my level is. I've tried writing, and it hasn't provided that for me, so when do I say enough is enough? Recently I've been wondering about writing fiction, but I haven't let myself even try it because I don't have time to spend on two kinds of writing. Maybe I should do that though. I have a violin I never learned to play. It's past time to do that. How do I find the time to do all the things the challenges are inspiring me to do and to write a blog too? I don't even know what I want to accomplish with my blog. I can't come up with a product to sell. I haven't figured out how to monetize anything. I'm really not that passionate about it... I just feel like I SHOULD. I started this so many years ago. I want to be able to have an income like I see all those bloggers bragging about. If my husband gets a wild hair and wants to move to Hawaii or Montana, or wherever, I want to be able to go wherever and know I can keep making an income. My skills aren't very transferable, finding a regular day job outside of a big city is going to be a challenge for me. All the places we talk about moving are not big cities. But then I think that all that talk of moving is just lottery dreaming and will never actually happen. I can just finish my career out through retirement age, then retire in our house that will be nearly paid for and then do whatever retired rebels do.

 

Ugh. I'm really just talking myself out of this. But I'm already down with all the things going on this challenge and over the summer. I shouldn't be making any life decisions in this state of mind.

 

 

[J3NN]

Here's a pic of the kitchen as it stands now!

[juliebarkley]

Pretty! And what a lovely view!

[Dagger]

How does pursuing the blog make you feel? How have it made you feel in the last few months? How did it feel before school interrupted it?

 

What do you want pursuing/working on the blog to feel like? What is the feeling you are seeking?

 

Things change. Maybe the blog gave you what you needed before, but doesn't any more. Perhaps as you said right now isn't a good time to make decisions.

 

What is the feeling you want from life in general? Joy? Happiness? Contentment? Excitement? Nourishment? Fulfillment? Ease? Or a million other emotions/feelings?

 

If the blog feels hard right now, perhaps it is the right time to step back for a bit and figure out what you want. Why did you start it and is that still true? Does it still give you what it once did and whether yes or no, is that still what you want?

 

What would you regret doing or not doing the most? Are you holding on to the blog because it was something you once did and you don't want to "fail", or are you holding on because it is still something that means something to you and it is something you want to grow?

 

If you had six months to live, what would you do? Learn violin? Start up the blog again? Let go and realize there is no shame/guilt in coming home from work and doing what feels good and makes you happy? Forget what society asks you to do. Forget what is the "right" thing to do. What would you want to do? What would you love to do?

 

If you had only five more years to live, what would you do? Would you grow a side business, reduce your hours at work and/or quit, and move somewhere else? Would you lean into your hobbies, learn violin or write the blog or try fiction writing or try many new things? You'd still definitely need an income to live, but how could you earn that? How would you want to earn that if you tried to change it?

 

The principles I try to follow goes something like this:

• Live today like tomorrow will never happen.
• If I only had six months to live, what would I most love to do?
• If I only had five years left to live, how can I change my life so I spend as much time as possible doing what I love? I would want to waste as little time as possible on things I dislike or hate or that angers me or makes me depressed, etc.
• What do I actually want to be great at (1-5ish things)? Or do I want to be "just" good in many things (5-15ish things)? Is there one thing/skill in the world that means more to me than all the others?
• Let go of what society thinks. Let go of what my family thinks. Let go of what anyone/anything have ever told me and dig deep inside myself and answer what I think, what I want, what is right to me, where are my boundaries, where is my joy?

These are not selfish things. Doing something whole-heartedly is right for you and everyone else.

 

EDIT for below: I am not suggestion you have a broken relationship with your daughter here. I'm sorry for my clumsy example.

Repairing your relationship with your daughter (or anyone else for that matter) because you sincerely want to will most likely bring better results than doing it because society says that not doing that is being a bad mother. I'm neither saying you should or shouldn't repair your relationship with your daughter, I'm just trying to illustrate something. There are so many concepts in our minds that we've been taught from all directions that clash with the inner most thoughts we ourselves have about things, and it is hard to figure out what you want, or how to do something, if all those ideas try to happen at once.

 

I went off on a tangent here, oops. I only want to suggest some questions I ask myself when I'm wondering if I'm on the right path. I didn't mean to share my life philosophy too. I hope I didn't offend in any way, it wasn't meant that way.

[J3NN]

3 hours ago, Dagger said:

I went off on a tangent here, oops. I only want to suggest some questions I ask myself when I'm wondering if I'm on the right path. I didn't mean to share my life philosophy too. I hope I didn't offend in any way, it wasn't meant that way.

Thanks, this is a lot to take in but has some very good things to consider. I will reply more tonight after I've had time to process.

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[J3NN]

Pretty! And what a lovely view!

My husband had made that view with years of effort, the green backyard is a favorite especially in drought ravaged So Cal.

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[Plazmotic]

12 hours ago, J3NN said:

I keep thinking about how I need to feel like I'm accomplishing something with my life and how I thought my blog would do that for me. But I have accomplished things, I am accomplishing things. Why do I need a blog for that? Why do I feel guilty for working a full time job, leading a department every day, and coming home and wanting to just read, workout, watch tv, cook and eat enjoyable food? Why isn't that enough? Should I be more focused on being more fulfilled at work? Is being fulfilled even a thing?

Man, I totally get these feelings. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to share what brings you joy! But monetizing your joy is a whole ‘nother can of worms.

 

I am by nature a laid back person, easily content and not ambitious. Most days I am fine to do the bare minimum at work, come home to browse on social media, and chill with my husband until it’s time to go to bed. But even as a child a voice whispered in my head: “What will your legacy to the world be? What will live on after you’re gone?” For years I thought that legacy would be raising good children, but as I got older I realized I had to be the owner of my legacy.

 

I know my legacy is to write, but writing because you love it and writing because you want to be rich and famous are two completely different things. They’re hard to separate but I’m trying. Obviously having hordes of people adore my novel and turn it into a movie franchise would be fantastic, but my essential dream is to finish the trilogy I’m writing and publish it, keep it on my shelf and look at it every day with a sense of pride and accomplishment.

 

And who knows, this might change over time. I don’t have kids and don’t know if I’ll be able to have them (I want to but no luck yet) but there’s all kinds of possibilities that something else will supplant this one dream I have.

 

Just thought I’d share.