Jump to content

Heidi

Recommended Posts

Zen+Grounded.jpg

 

#Focus 

  • Sleep In the wake of the Relationship Strife, sleep has been elusive and fitful. I persist in the routine, though, and that helps. There are a lot of physical ailments coming about, and all together the symptoms seem to be pointing to a resurgence of chronic fatigue. I'm not happy about this, I can assure you.
  • Legal The Big Honking Court Date is October 4 -- review of custody, visitation, support and divorce matters, all thrown in together. It would be lovely to have a resolution that is supportive of Vivian and her interests.I will be doing as much praying about this as I will paperwork. 
  • Daily Sauna or hot bath 
  • Daily Writing a few pages each day, hopefully finding something that can get worked on well enough to turn in for the submission due on October 1. 
  • Weekly Therapy because a week without it would be tragic.
  • Daily Craft Reading Even if it is only a page or three, this will help hold my writing and my headspace, making what I write that much better along the way.

 

 

#Acceptance leads to #patience.

#Patience leads to #balance.

#Balance leads to #harmony.

#Harmony leads to #peace.

  • Like 6

&,
Amazon of the Way

Gypsy Druid Paladin

Ranger Year 1: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 

Druid Year 2: 8 | 9 | 1011  | 12 | 13 |Year 3: 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |Year 4: 1920 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |Year 5: 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 |Year 6: 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 |Year 7: 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53| 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 |Year 8: 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 |

Local Foods Guru | Financial Freedom Fighter | Minimalism Yoda | Smaug-Slayer
Heidi Chronicles My NF Character Sheet | @theheidifeed | Amazon of Awesome | MySlashdotKarmaIsExcellent

Link to post
  • Sleep I am starting to see how this Way will open for me if I allow it. It's a case of getting out of the way, which is a different activity altogether from what I htink of as an activity per se. FitBit thinks I was asleep from 9:30 until 4:45, and that's right in the target. 
  • Legal Two legal meetings this week: Wednesday strategy meeting and Thursday hearing with the board of trustees for the bankrutpcy filing.
  • Daily Sauna or Hot Bath I didn't do this yesterday, and I wish I had. That should be the best reason of all to make certain I do it today.
  • Daily Writing I wrote a lot yesterday, creatively and soulfully, with a few pages of processing as well. I am not quite back in the writing structure of it all, but I can see it from here.
  • Weekly Therapy because a week without it would be tragic.
  • Daily Craft Reading: Yesterday I started Yann Martel's Beatrice and Virgil, and I'm fetched by it so far. I confess that it is exacerbating my love of the language, rendering me more lyrical and less linear. While I usually love this effect, I have finanlly chosen what I'm going to write for my submissions for October 1, and that has nothing lyrical about it, really. Well, maybe. We'll see.
  • Literary Magazine: This week the review of Round 1 submissions is due, a simple up/down vote to choose two of thirteen works to proceed to Round 2. I feel a little pressure, since I'm the only reader of the baker's dozen works on my desk -- what if it's pulitzer material and I'm just not feeling it because I'm in a bad mood or something? So two readings are required, I think. Today is reading one, with gut-level margin notes, and then a slower, more thoughtful interaction with each piece is in order for the rest of the week, with final selection on Friday before I go get Vivian.
  • I continue to put out proposals for freelance work. This is particularly tedious right now, since I haven't ever had a contract through the upwork site. It's maddening, and most contracts require a minimum number of hours, the freelance equivalent of experienced candidates only.

I was at a spiritual retreat from Friday to Sunday, [random aside: is a three day retreat a druid experience point thing??] and I learned a lot about myself as a spiritual being having a human experience. This is really important to me and fostering it is the only way forward for me. I also learned a lot about what connects me to my community and my self, and what doesn't, both of which are powerful tools along the way. I don't know if it's possible for me to be in a relationship right now, a blending of two spirits on a single path. This is also food for thought. I realized I'm having a monstrously difficult time receiving love and support, and that I feel most familiarly comfortable seeing myself as of conditional worth and with the expectation of perfection. This is not, in fact, how I would like to continue walking my path.

 

I am feeling some Brene Brown in my future.

 

Speaking of books, there is a group of us getting together from the retreat to read about deepening our spiritual experience in daily life. We are starting with Brother Lawrence's Practicing the Presence of God, a 17th century text. It arrives on Thursday and we have our first dinner meeting on Wednesday the 27th to discuss it. I'm looking forward to the community and connection as well as the reading and practice.

  • Like 2

&,
Amazon of the Way

Gypsy Druid Paladin

Ranger Year 1: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 

Druid Year 2: 8 | 9 | 1011  | 12 | 13 |Year 3: 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |Year 4: 1920 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |Year 5: 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 |Year 6: 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 |Year 7: 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53| 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 |Year 8: 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 |

Local Foods Guru | Financial Freedom Fighter | Minimalism Yoda | Smaug-Slayer
Heidi Chronicles My NF Character Sheet | @theheidifeed | Amazon of Awesome | MySlashdotKarmaIsExcellent

Link to post
On 9/12/2017 at 5:38 PM, Heidi said:

I was at a spiritual retreat from Friday to Sunday, [random aside: is a three day retreat a druid experience point thing??] and I learned a lot about myself as a spiritual being having a human experience.

Totally

Link to post
On ‎12‎.‎09‎.‎2017 at 4:38 PM, Heidi said:

random aside: is a three day retreat a druid experience point thing??]

 

Sure it is!

How many points will it be Guild Leader Heidi?

 

Welcome back!

Your plan looks great. I hope you find peace at October 4th. 

I like the Jedi style. So the fourth is already with you :)

  • Like 1

Fate whispers to the warrior: "You cannot withstand the storm."

 The warrior whispers back:
 "
I am the storm."

 

Link to post

Wow.

Where did the challenge go?

It was a hell of a month, with court being weirdly not the hardest at al, but instead all the little aspects of relationships and daily life and communication and . . . well, you know.

 

So the update:

Court went weirdly. Much effort was put in, and then we waited in the waiting room and the attorneys conferenced for forty-five minutes of eternity. Apparently there was a personal crisis and the scheduled judge wasn't able to make it. My attorney fought long and hard to get a continuance, because we don't want to start the case from scratch, and because the available substitute judge is a close friend of the opposing counsel. WHEW! I definitely felt as though there was some Force for good working for me that day. The new court date is December 19, which is after the school term is over and likely after I will have completed the co-mediation requirement for court certification. I am not nearly as upset by this as I might have been if I didn't have a healthy amount of perspective that I had been working on for over a year at this point. 

 

The relationship got worse. And then, with a huge dose of that JediMaster level of acceptance over two days of quiet, calm acceptance, it got better. Probably because there wasn't any fight left in me, and I simply said, "It's not working like this. You are clearly miserable. You are not honoring my boundaries in the process. I love you enough to say let's move on." And then real communication began, and things seems wholly different, as though a storm has cleared. It's nice. It also feels like a real relationship again. Who knew?

#Acceptance leads to #patience.

#Patience leads to #balance.

#Balance leads to #harmony.

#Harmony leads to #peace.

 

The MFA and Editing is going well:  

I turned in my October Piece, the first and second review for the literary magazine submissions, the review of my classmate's October pieces, and got the written review of my September pieces from the professor. Each step was a real nail-biter for me, and turned out just fine in the end. WHEW, again. Lots of energy and a lot of faith and trust involved here. Also, I am on hold with the web site, since the account I was given doesn't have admin permission (required to make changes to the look). I'll put a new site together from scratch if the old admin doesn't respond by the end of the term.

 

Health Situation: Chronic Fatigue has come back, and that's as demoralizing emotionally as it is debilitating physically. I'm working on the acceptance piece for this, and it's not easy, friends. I have applied for disability, but I'm more interested in making the mediation work as far as income goes. The disability will be nice to have for benefits though. Don't get me started on the current US healthcare situation.

Therapy is essential.

Meditation helps.

Sauna helps.

Not having too much crap on my schedule and ToDo lists helps.

It's hard to remember all this, some days.

 

Mediation: I wasn't able to attend the workshop on the 12th and 13th, but the good news is I have two co-mediations scheduled next week and one scheduled in the first week of November. I need five total, so this leaves me feeling positive about getting the certification in a meaningful amount of time.

 

Spiritual Formation: We met as a large group. We met as a small group. These meetings are core to my recovery emotionally and physically, which makes no logical sense and I couldn't care less. We have another meeting of the small group on Wednesday next week, and I'm so glad we do.

 

 Next Challenge will likely see a very similar format, and with any luck I'll have time and discipline to be able to log in. 

Wish me luck.

 

Hoping to see you around the ether!

Namaste, y'all.

  • Like 4

&,
Amazon of the Way

Gypsy Druid Paladin

Ranger Year 1: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 

Druid Year 2: 8 | 9 | 1011  | 12 | 13 |Year 3: 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |Year 4: 1920 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |Year 5: 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 |Year 6: 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 |Year 7: 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53| 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 |Year 8: 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 |

Local Foods Guru | Financial Freedom Fighter | Minimalism Yoda | Smaug-Slayer
Heidi Chronicles My NF Character Sheet | @theheidifeed | Amazon of Awesome | MySlashdotKarmaIsExcellent

Link to post
3 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Bittersweet taste in that update, but always glad to hear from you. Wishing you the best going forward, fingers crossed.

Thanks, DR.

Much love, as always.

&,
Amazon of the Way

Gypsy Druid Paladin

Ranger Year 1: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 

Druid Year 2: 8 | 9 | 1011  | 12 | 13 |Year 3: 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |Year 4: 1920 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |Year 5: 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 |Year 6: 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 |Year 7: 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53| 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 |Year 8: 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 |

Local Foods Guru | Financial Freedom Fighter | Minimalism Yoda | Smaug-Slayer
Heidi Chronicles My NF Character Sheet | @theheidifeed | Amazon of Awesome | MySlashdotKarmaIsExcellent

Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines