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10/11 Week 3 Day 4 Wednesday

Breakfast - coffee, quiche, apple

Lunch - beef curry with rice

Post-WO - apple

Pre-dinner - cake (tasting)

Dinner - tater tots and chicken nuggets with a bit of cheese, mayo, ~1 glass wine

Workout - Strength circuit

 

#1 Work out: 4/4

#2 Mindful eating: 4/4

#3 Meditation: 4/4

 

Blitzed through the workout (did the beginner version for brevity) to finish and shower in time to go taste cake before the DJ meeting. I now realize this day was rather devoid of vegetables, whoops.

 

My brain is aflutter with wedding planning, but being on the verge of signing the DJ/coordinator contract helps. Plus fiance finally filled his family addresses to our spreadsheet so now it's my turn. Youngest sis is just about done designing the save the dates. Now just have to lock in dessert and a florist and I'm done with vendors.

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13 hours ago, Fonzico said:

Criticism is so hard to take. It's something I've acknowledged as a major growth area for myself for a long time, and have been actively working on and improving on. It's gotten better in work scenarios but damn is it difficult with significant others! "You're supposed to love me no matter what, so if you want me to change, you must not love me!".
At least I don't literally think he's going to leave me every time now.

Anyways, just saying, the issues you are having are normal, and the fact that you guys are talking about it is a fantastic sign. For us, anyways, things have only gotten better with time as we've learned how to communicate and serve each other better. You can love someone with your whole being and still have a lot to learn about the inner workings of their mind...

Agreeing with this 1,000 times

Funny, hubby and I have been married 30 years, and we communicate a lot better than we used to, but I am still have a lot to learn about the inner working of his mind.

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Late to the wrap-up, but it's been a strugglebus lately.

 

The depression/anxiety combo has just been knocking me out. I'm hit or miss on the working out, even though I KNOW it helps. It's weird because these tiny bad things happen, and then I go on a crazy negative spiral -- for example, I painted pottery with friends which was so fun, but I made last-minute additions that I wasn't happy with, and the rest of the night I was completely down in the dumps even though it wasn't a big deal.

 

I would say overall the last challenge was a success. I was consistent with my meditation, and workouts barring the injury. But as soon as the challenge was ending I went of a cliff with the eating, and even stopped meditating as often. I don't know if it's winter setting in, or work/wedding stress, but it's starting to feel like every day is a bad day mood-wise. I can't shake it or fight it. The weight just settles onto my chest and I feel trapped, knowing that my life is pretty wonderful but unable to feel happy about it. I had my birthday last week and my coworkers and fiance were so sweet, making me feel special. 

 

Wedding Planning Rant

Last night I broke down crying, angry that my mom won't host the pre-wedding party. If my mom was willing, we would do holidays periodically on the West coast with extended family, but since my grandmother passed two years ago Mom hasn't wanted to go. She has this feud with her sisters. It feels like the wedding is my only chance to bring everyone together, or at least try to do that. I'm spending thousands of dollars and hours of time and so much stress over it, and Mom won't even invite her family into their home when they're in town. My house isn't big enough, or I would try - but I was hoping my parents would host to take something off my plate (Dad is totally on board). It isn't about the work or time or money - my dad said he'd hire caterers and cleaners to do ALL the setup and cleanup - it's about Mom not wanting to bear the stress of hosting. So instead I'm struggling to figure out  what to do...we have a backup restaurant plan, but because the wedding venue can't give us a definite rehearsal time until a week before the event, I'm worried about signing a contract (for post-rehearsal cocktail party) that could conflict. I so badly want to spend more time with family while they're in town, but *sigh*

 

And this spirals into "why don't we just get married at the courthouse or elope" because based on my Mom's behavior, family isn't that important anyways so why do I need them at my wedding. Why should I care if we're never all going to be together again. Based on her relationships with my sisters, I may as well give up on my sisters and figure we're going to grow apart and possibly hate each other eventually so why have them at the wedding. 

 

The truth (not anxiety-spiral thoughts, the actual truth) is that I'm having the big wedding because I feel obligated to our family, and to my grandmother who passed away, to try to hold the family together. It is not what I had planned on before we got engaged, and if we were doing frequent holidays with the relatives I'd have gone with the original plan -- small local wedding, then a dinner/party on each coast with respective families. Cheaper, easier, possibly more fun. 

 

Mostly in my depressive/anxious modes I feel like I'm going to cry or scream but can't -- but lately it's been more actually crying (though not screaming). I don't know if I'm going to participate in the current challenge...sort of like working out, it feels like I should be just can't. Fiance is sweet but he doesn't have a lot of feelings and doesn't understand.

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Oh Hiroro, I'm so sorry!

*The biggest hug the internet can deliver*

I know that your brain is not letting you believe this right now, but whatever decision you make with all of this - it is going to be okay.

I promise.

Your family is going to do whatever they are going to do - you can't force them. It's great that you will be able to celebrate your wedding with so many people you love... But don't feel like there is pressure on you or the event to make this about anything other than you getting married.

I know it's hard to come to terms with when it involves the people you care about the most, but you do not have the ability NOR the responsibility to monitor or change their relationships with each other. All you can do is love them the best you can, and when they are being hurtful or spiteful or otherwise adding to your stress and depression ... Then sometimes that means loving them at an arm's length.

And it hurts and you have to fight the guilt, but I swear, it is okay.


I also definitely get the whole thing where a challenge just creates even more stress and guilt, so no worries there.
However! I feel like you might need some words of encouragement from rebels who are 1000% on your side at all times so remember that you can:

Start a battle log - it can just be a place to vent or ask for understanding!
PM me.
Or even better, if you need instant access to Internet hugs (most) any time of day, install Voxer on your phone, and pm me and add me and I'll be like a little hug Genie in your pocket.

Rebel-love!

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^ Honestly, this person said everything I was thinking in my head about not being able to control other people. If your mom doesn't want to host people in her home, there's not much you can do to control her. I think that you should use her relationship with her sisters as inspiration for how not to treat your own -- so perhaps you can avoid that happening to you. 

 

It does sound like perhaps you're a little depressed. Do you have Seasonal Affective Disorder? Whenever the nights start gobbling the days like this, I slide into misery. Then there's almost a different version of me that thinks things that regular-me doesn't. Are these thoughts (your concerns about your sisters, your desire to avoid your family, your belief that your partner doesn't have emotions) common even in your happy moments? Have you considered seeing someone or looking into the possibility of medicine? 

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Hugs, sorry. Fonzico said  it all very wisely. We are here for you. Whatever decision you make on how to have your wedding it is alright. Give yourself permission to do what works best for you and your fiancé. The alternate plan of a small wedding and then a dinner party with family sounds very nice.  How is your relationship with your sisters? Can you talk to them and tell them you would really like to have a get together but are having difficulty with the details and ask for ideas? 

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Eep sorry I never came back to receive all your internet love. I am mostly moved on, having given up on the Saturday welcome party because my stress over it was just getting to be too much.

 

On the other hand, I have taken charge of the bachelorette party because my MOH/youngest sis is flakey and my bridesmaid/middle sis/local to bachelorette area is too busy and resents having to do MOH responsibilities. So put down one big rock, pick up another.

 

You guys are so great, thank you thank you thank you.

 

Starling, yeah I've been in sporadic therapy over the last year and recently started considering antidepressants. But even though I knowwww it's a valid option it still feels so drastic and I want to find non-medication ways to handle my moods. At least for a little longer. I think I'll be focusing on this over my next couple challenge cycles and if nothing improves I'll go down that path.

 

I'm going to revive my battle log and see if journaling more helps as well.

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Welcome back! Seems like maybe you are working really hard to please others (the bridesmaid who resented too many responsibilities flakey sis in law) which is fine if you want to.But if you don't, then you have other options.Make the bachorlette party super easy to plan, just all go out to eat or  skip the party if you'd rather,or let your flakey sis plan it and just roll with what ever happens, . You don't have to throw a party because other people expect it and you have to meet their expectations. Do what you want. This is not a rock you have to pick up.:)

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