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22 hours ago, Super Starling! said:

I love that you are putting your emotional priorities first. (Even though, of course, you're trying to look great for your wedding, which I get. Though I must say you look great to begin with.) 

 

Is the book on top a Redwall book? Or am I just imagining seeing some kind of furry creature there? 

 

What sets off your digestive system, usually? I did a Whole 30, and when I came off it, I realized I hadn't thrown up the ENTIRE TIME. When I went back onto eating normal foods, I went back to barfing. It turns out I can't handle dairy super-well after sunset, wine is a disaster (though I can handle beer & hard liquor, go figure), greasy foods are Satan, and drinking soda on an empty stomach is a stomach lining dissolver. 

Aw, thanks. It's actually a Chrestomanci book :)

I've done a few Whole 30's, and while they gave me more energy they didn't really fix my stomach issues (though the W30 people would probably say I just needed to do it longer). Raw veggies and beer have definitely been triggers for me. Dairy/gluten are okay as long as I don't overdo it.

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9/25 WEEK 2 DAY 2 Monday

Breakfast - coffee and a donut

Lunch - coffee

Snack - chocolate chip cookie

Dinner - 2 empanadas, stew with meat and corn

Workout - strength circuit at home

 

#1 Work out: 1/5

#2 Mindful eating: 1/2

#3 Meditation: 2/2

 

So...yeah. This is a tough week for me work-wise, and I clearly let it get to me during the day. Dinner was delicious and I don't regret it at all - I passed up the wine on special, and thoroughly enjoyed the company of friends at a restaurant I hadn't tried before. 

 

Today (Tuesday) was shaping up similarly, but I am currently forcing down a healthy lunch. The coffee/stress combination tends to make me not hungry during the day...then later I'm ravenous and all I want is carbs and cheese.

 

This morning my boss decided that my project (which I had planned to finish Friday) should be finished tomorrow, so that's making my day/week suck a little extra. I likely will not finish until Thursday or Friday anyways (which is FINE with the customer), but now I get to do it with him riding me. Yay.

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10 minutes ago, Hiroro said:

Aw, thanks. It's actually a Chrestomanci book :)

I've done a few Whole 30's, and while they gave me more energy they didn't really fix my stomach issues (though the W30 people would probably say I just needed to do it longer). Raw veggies and beer have definitely been triggers for me. Dairy/gluten are okay as long as I don't overdo it.

When I quit dairy and wheat it only took a couple of weeks to see the change. Which is me saying if people saying you just should have done it longer they are wrong. 30 days is enough to get it out of your system. If  you did it for 30 days and it didn't help your stomach, than doing it for even longer most likely wouldn't help either

Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27

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Things got a little hairy last week. Work stress definitely got to me in the food department - ate a fair amount of carbs and cheese, and consumed plenty of wine. But I resisted the popcorn, chips, crackers/cheese pitfalls so it could have been worse. Last Monday I randomly messed up my shoulder (I was lying on my back half asleep in bed and scooched over a couple inches and my neck/shoulder/back area sort of seized up. Yes I realize this is embarrassing for an under-30 person in reasonable health.) so I took a break for the rest of the week. No regrets there, except for wishing I hadn't been hurt in the first place - every morning I woke up with intense aching, and over the course of the day it would loosen up and hurt less...but by afternoon the ache spread to my lower back. I was doing a fair amount of walking at work, but otherwise rested.

 

One good thing is that I kept up my meditation! Not sure how much it helped with my work stress...but it certainly didn't hurt. 

 

Today my shoulder is feeling better, and I hit a project milestone Friday so work should be slightly less stressful for a bit. Things are looking up for Week 3 :)

 

Particularly because on Saturday I ground out a couple hours of meal prep:

  • Cut cucumbers
  • Spaghetti squash casserole 
  • Pizza frittata (hat tip: Fonzico) - but fiance doesn't do mushrooms so I subbed in broccoli and chicken sausage
  • Broccoli cheddar stuffed potatoes
  • Steamed broccoli, steamed green beans

I also stocked up on some convenience foods, ranging from healthy-ish (deli meat, cheese, bread, avocados for sandwiches) to less healthy (pizza ingredients). Still seeking balance.

 

WEEK 2 Summary

#1 Work out: 1/5 due to sleep injury

#2 Mindful eating: 2/7 this is a guess

#3 Meditation: 7/7
 

10/1 WEEK 3 DAY 1 Sunday

Breakfast - coffee, Brazilian cheese puffs

Lunch - a bit of spanakopita, hummus, cucumber, pita

Dinner - cheese pizza, wine

Workout - rest for screwed up shoulder

 

#1 Work out: 0/5

#2 Mindful eating: 1/1

#3 Meditation: 1/1

 

Can't believe it's already October. I just ate some spaghetti squash casserole for lunch and it's SO GOOD. Very very roughly based on this recipe. Except I only used 1 squash, I replaced the crushed tomatoes and tomato sauce with a 28oz can of peeled tomatoes with juice, skipped the Stevia and basil, didn't have 'italian seasoning' so threw in some spices that sounded right, and subbed fresh mozzarella for the drier kind - didn't use a whole cup either. I added chicken sausage and bacon. Clearly I treat recipes as suggestions, haha. This is what happens when I have a squash and google a recipe but want to use ingredients I already have! But it's yummy and pretty cost effective so I'll probably make it again...or some variation at least.

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10/2 WEEK 3 DAY 2 Monday

Breakfast - coffee, breakfast sandwich

Lunch - spaghetti squash casserole

Dinner - 2 squares cheese pizza, pizza frittata

Workout - rest 

 

#1 Work out: 0/5

#2 Mindful eating: 2/2

#3 Meditation: 2/2

 

According to my meditation app I'm on a 16-day streak, and that's a record for me! I was considering getting back into working out yesterday but ended up not sleeping enough (my own dumb fault) and working a long day so just ate dinner and crashed. But TODAY IS THE DAY I'm getting back in the gym.

 

The coworker who's trying to convince me to do the Trifecta next year just announced they're having a baby in April (well his wife is), so I really have no excuses. Having a baby > getting married as far as time crunch and stress so If he can do that then I can do it. I love drawing up training plans, but I suck at following them due to spontaneous laziness and/or desire to do something off-plan. But this month I'm going to keep it simple -- do the Spartan WODs, modifying as necessary for my fitness level. If I hit the next 9 workouts I'll buy something (new running shoes are high on my list, but I'm also tempted by this mini-training program with a local running shop).

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10/3 WEEK 3 DAY 3 Tuesday

Breakfast - coffee, pumpkin yogurt

Lunch - spaghetti squash casserole

Dinner - bread, cheese, ham, butter

Workout - modified Spartan WOD

 

#1 Work out: 1/5

#2 Mindful eating: 3/3

#3 Meditation: 3/3

 

Modified Spartan WOD:

1/2 mile walk

Warm-up

2 Rounds
40 Jumping Jacks
30 Body Weight Squats
20 Plank Shoulder Taps
10 Sit-Ups

Athletic Stamina Set:

Part I - I did this with a 20lb medicine ball instead of a Pancake, and did the beginner version of 7 sets instead of the 'regular' 10 sets
Pancake Squat To Overhead Press 7 x 5 
Pancake Sit-Ups 7 x 5
Pancake Straight Leg Deadlifts 7 x 5
Pancake Slams 7 x 5
Rest 1 minute

Part II
Run/walk 2.5mi (was supposed to run 3mi, but mostly walked)

 

I hit a wall and realized it was probably due to not enough food earlier in the day. BUT it was a solid workout, and I'm sore afterwards.

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I had been looking forward to a slower period at work after last week being stressful, but then one of my projects suddenly popped up and became flaming hot. So the next week or so I'm going to be working full steam. At least I get paid for overtime, but I'm getting fed up with sudden urgent situations - some of them just due to chance, but some of them due to requirements being added at the 11th hour. I have a hard time staying cool also, I find I get stressed out and worked up very easily - completely internalizing the outside pressures. Part of it is that I have minimal power over major factors, like how many mechanics choose to work over the weekend and the caliber of the mechanics who do work. 

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I'm sorry about the work stress :/ not fun at all. It sucks being responsible for things out of your control.. but try not to let it get to you! *Hugs* easier said than done, I know.

Good job getting the workout and endurance test in! And amazing job with the mediation! I bet it's helping more than you realize :D

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Race: Wood Elf

Level 20

Class: Ranger

Strength: 45 | Dexterity: 15 | Stamina: 44 | Constitution: 29 | Wisdom: 35 | Charisma: 28

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Funny thing about this job...I find myself thrilled that it's going to be a rainy weekend, because that means we'll get more mechanics accepting overtime on the weekend.

 

10/4 WEEK 3 DAY 4 Wednesday

Breakfast - coffee, avocado toast

Snack - full fat Greek yogurt

Lunch - spaghetti squash casserole

Dinner - broccoli and cheese toast, ham and cheese toast, crackers and hummus

Workout - Spartan WOD

 

#1 Work out: 2/5 - Spartan WOD

#2 Mindful eating: 4/4

#3 Meditation: 4/4

 

Two solid workouts in a row! Ran (with loooong breaks waiting at crosswalks) ~2mi, strength circuit, sprints. I got cramps yesterday but didn't let it stop me...though day 2 is always worse...I'm signed up for a Thursday spin class, to be followed by a Thursday cupcake.

Almost skipped the squat-overhead presses (why would they put those two days in a row? doesn't seem right) because I was sore from Tuesday, but they actually felt okay.

 

I'm watching Spartan race videos for inspiration. These people are so fit, and watching them push through the pain (and do a Super in the time it took me to do a Sprint) is really motivating. Also listening to the Spartan Up podcast while I run.

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Image result for happy bike gif

 

10/5 WEEK 3 DAY 5 Thursday

Breakfast - coffee, pizza frittata

Snack - full fat Greek yogurt

Lunch - spaghetti squash casserole

Post-workout - apple

Dinner - dumplings with soy/rice vinegar sauce, green beans with butter

Workout - Spin class

 

#1 Work out: 3/5 - Spin class

#2 Mindful eating: 5/5

#3 Meditation: 5/5

 

Image result for happy exercise gif

10/6 WEEK 3 DAY 6 Friday

Breakfast - coffee, turkey, apple

Lunch - spaghetti squash casserole

Snack - full fat Greek yogurt

Dinner - pancakes with butter, bacon, potatoes, scrambled eggs

Workout - Spartan WOD

 

#1 Work out: 4/5

#2 Mindful eating: 6/6

#3 Meditation:6/6

 

Modified Spartan WOD

10 burpees
5 knee push-ups (supposed to be 10)
5  TRX rows (supposed to be pullups)
10 squats with medicine ball held at chest level
Row 1000m (supposed to run 1/2 mile)
Repeat 6-7 times (supposed to repeat 10x) 

 

I lost count of my rounds...pretty sure I did 7 but not positive. I planned to do 6 and added an extra at the end just in case. Because that's what Spartans-in-training do.

 

That's 4 WORKOUTS IN A ROW! The Spartan WOD had Thursday as a rest day, which I subbed for spin class (because I took Monday and Tuesday off). So I subbed rowing for today's running in anticipation of Saturday's endurance run. Then I'll do something rest-like on Sunday.

 

In terms of mindful eating, I noticed after eating dinner that I actually felt it was a touch greasy for me - which was crazy because usually the greasier and richer the better for my palate. Before I went to the gym I told fiance I was thinking about breakfast for dinner, and lo and behold I returned from the gym him cooking a full breakfast spread. Nothing makes a girl happy like coming home to the smell of bacon *swoon*.

 

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10/7 Week 3 Day 7 Saturday

Breakfast - coffee, ???

Snack - 1/2 regular cupcake, 1 mini cupcake, 1 pumpkin cookie

Lunch - ???

Dinner - Japanese restaurant ate so many things I don't remember them all YUM, ~3 glasses wine

Workout - run/walk 4 miles

 

Yeah I can't remember what I ate for the life of me. My body was definitely not feeling that run, but I'll put it down to stringing together 5 solid workout days.

 

WEEK 2 SUMMARY

#1 Work out: 5/5

#2 Mindful eating: 6/6

#3 Meditation:6/6

 

WEEKS 1 & 2 & 3 SUMMARY

#1 Work out: 11/11 (not counting the 4 days I missed during Week 2 for injury)

#2 Mindful eating: 17/21

#3 Meditation: 20/21

 

10/8 Week 3 Day 1 Sunday

Breakfast - coffee, ham and hummus I think

Snack - cupcake

Late lunch - red robin burger with guac and bacon and cheese on lettuce bun, almost 2 helpings sweet potato fries, garlic aioli, unsweet iced tea

Evening - ~3 glasses sparkling wine, one truffle

Workout - Rest day

 

It felt like I ate all the things because I ate SO MUCH at Red Robin when I went to get my free birthday burger...but looking at the day overall I guess it's not the worst (still better than butter-drenched popcorn for every meal)

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Happy birthday?! Was it actually on Sunday? I'm sorry I missed it! Sounds like your meal was appropriately delicious :)

You are doing great with all of your goals! I'm particularly impressed with the mindful eating one - that is so much harder than it sounds.

Race: Wood Elf

Level 20

Class: Ranger

Strength: 45 | Dexterity: 15 | Stamina: 44 | Constitution: 29 | Wisdom: 35 | Charisma: 28

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Whoops! My mom's birthday, not mine :)

My birthday is coming up though, October 19th!

 

Yesterday I may have lost it a bit on the mindful eating. I was (and still am) in a funk over an argument with fiance. But I could FEEL it - my emotional state pushing me to want to drink and eat ALL THE THINGS, but KNOWING that it wasn't going to make me feel better for long. I recognized that after my big, late lunch I was actually not hungry, and it was easier and more sensible to just not eat dinner. 

 

But I am so proud of hitting all of my workouts last week. The crazy thing is, yesterday when I was feeling blah I was thinking "I want to work out to feel better" and had to hold myself back, because I knew my body really needed that rest. Looking forward to getting back to the gym today.

 

Also I weighed in this morning and I'm down a pound. Slow and steady.

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Woot for hitting all the workouts! And another woot for recognizing when you were emotionally eating. When I recognize that, I try and step back and ask what would help. Sometimes it's just a matter of actually letting myself feel the sadness and work through it. 

The medicine workout ball workouts sound tough but fun!

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Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27

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I read somewhere that if you're thinking about eating your feelings, you should ask yourself "what would I give myself in a perfect situation?" The answer, as it turns out, is almost never food. In your case it might be "a conversation to clarify my argument & apologise to my partner", for example. Or in other situations the answer might be "a raise" or "a dog that's not barfing" or "a quick walk around the block" or a "ride on a unicorn" or etc. It's partially a distraction and partially a way to realize the problem isn't food related. 

 

And if the answer IS food, go ahead. 

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Ohhh Starling I like that idea. Seeing as I'm still in a funk that's needed advice.

 

I'm going to describe the 'argument' here just because it's my most convenient journal type space, and I don't really want to talk to my coworkers (almost all guys) because I doubt they'd understand. Also, because I guess venting on the internet is what I do for myself in this situation, hahaha.

 

A few times in the past weeks, fiance has made comments that go like "You wouldn't like it if I did/said something like that". A few times this happened when I made jokes at his expense, and then on Saturday when during dinner with parents I suggested we go over for board games. On the way to my parents' house (parents in separate car), I asked if I should have talked to him about it before suggesting games. His response was something like "that would have been nice but it's fine. But you wouldn't like it if I did that". This brought up the previous times he's made similar comments, because he never gives me examples. So I asked him straight up "when have you said things that I indicated bothered me" and his response was "you just give me a look". (!!!)

 

First of all, I can't really control my expression (terrible, terrible poker face). Second of all, he's judging me (as part of this debate he said it bothers him when things seem hypocritical) based on his interpretation of those facial expressions. I make LOTS of faces - I may have just been giving him a mock disgruntled face and he took it as a real disgruntled face? This spiraled into a conversation about how people should be treated. To him, the fact that I (supposedly) can't take the kind of jokes I make about him is a violation of the basic Golden Rule philosophy (treat others as you want to be treated). To me, of course all people should be treated with equal respect and compassion, but that's doesn't mean you treat every person as if they are identical - that's just ridiculous! Part logic, part social norms - it isn't typical to ask a healthy, strong young man if he needs help carrying his grocery bag - it isn't acceptable (in general) for a guy to smack a female acquaintance's rear end during a sports game - you don't treat strangers with the same affection as a family member.

 

There are a couple reasons why this has really stuck with me, and caused a multi-day rift.

 

Hearing him say that my expressions/jokes/comments were hypocritical without clear reasoning behind it makes me feel like I can't relax around him -- all this time I've let myself be vulnerable and said whatever I was thinking, being completely myself when we are alone. As an awkward turtle, even with friends I often feel anxiety and pressure to figure out what to say (small talk struggles), and fiance and my parents are the only people I don't feel that with. And apparently he's been internally analyzing and criticizing me. So I've been spending more time by myself, because I can only be relaxed when I'm alone.

 

The other thing is that fiance is not a verbally expressive person. It's like pulling teeth trying to get him to compliment me or spontaneously express positive feelings towards me - which is tough on me as someone who craves verbal affirmation, and we've had conversations around this. I've made it clear to him that his lack of verbal affirmation makes me suspect that he doesn't think he's lucky to be with me, or that I'm beautiful, or that he truly loves me. But that isn't motivation enough for him to make an effort, apparently.  So the negative comments hurt doubly, because it feels like he can't find it in himself to notice or say anything nice about me...but he can tell me I'm hypocritical? He will occasionally trot out "you look nice" as a generic response to me wearing a dress -- but even that seems forced. 

 

I can't help but wonder if his main issue is that even though he says he's fine with the jokes at his expense, they actually bother him. Mostly it's about how slowly he moves -- you guys, he is the most deliberate person I've ever met, and he NEVER speeds up, no matter how late we are. I have kidded him about this now and then over the course of the last few years. 

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Update: I caved and talked to one of my coworkers about it. His response was that Dave was probably upset/hurt by my comments/jokes and didn't want to admit it. Getting that sort of agreement from a guy's perspective makes me think that's likely. Perhaps we were both taking things rather personally.

 

ALSO RANDOM NEWS

MY BOSS RESIGNED TODAY! I had heard a rumor that this was going to happen, and turns out it's the real deal.

It will be interesting to see who they bring in to replace him.

 

Despite his speedy exit (they have to walk you out of the building if you accept an offer from a competitor), I spoke to the HR guy and my promotion offer should be coming through in the next week or two! So that is exciting.

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Congrats on the promotion.

 

My thoughts on the argument:

 

I agree with your co-worker, your fiancé is probably hurt when you joke about him. Tending toward the snarky side, I have to be careful with this. My husband and I tease each other, but there are some things that I try not to tease about. If something is really bothering me, and I tease him about it, he can tell. And it's hard to deal with that, someone is teasing you , so you are supposed to laugh, but it's something that is bothering them, so it is serious. I'm trying to work on not nagging by teasing. If something bothers me,I need to tell him that, not tease him.

 

On the verbally expressive, things like that are really hard to change, so you may have to change your expectation. A really good book to read is The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley. It would be cool if you both read it. It talks about showing love to people in the language they hear it (verbally) Caveat though, if your read it, it has to be for you to work on how you show love to him, so that you could do it in his language, There isn't a way for you to make him speak your love language.

 

And lastly, I think your fiancé telling you he feels you are hypocritical is a good sign of your relationship. It says that he is feeling safe around you and can share how he feels. Just as it's important for you to feel safe, it is for him too. That may mean some messy, uncomfortable conversations (or arguments)Since he isn't the verbal type, he may not voice his feelings about it in the best manner (it's probably a new skill for him) but just the fact that he trusts you enough to tell you means he trust you.

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Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27

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Thanks @Elastigirl for your thoughtful response. We've actually both taken the five love languages quiz, and talked about our results. His top two are quality time and physical touch. But you're right, it's definitely more constructive to approach it from the "giving" side -- which is, I suppose, the hardest and best part of working on a relationship. If I'm being honest, I definitely don't take criticism well. I've always internalized negative feedback very strongly, which I realize is something to work on for growth purposes. On the flip side, a little bit of positive affirmation can send my spirits through the roof.

 

10/9 Week 3 Day 2 Monday

Breakfast - coffee, greek yogurt, apple

Lunch - ham and cheese

Dinner - fish, rice, and a salad - greens/vinaigrette/goat cheese

Workout - Strength circuit and a couple treadmill hills

 

#1 Work out: 2/2

#2 Mindful eating: 2/2

#3 Meditation: 2/2

 

 

 

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Level 18 Pixie Ranger

 

 

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Last night fiance and I talked it out, and all is well again. Though it was sort of a crazy conversation, because I told him maybe he was reading too much into my faces, and suggested he try making the jokes and I'll tell him if it actually bothers me. This is when he reveals that he's actually referring to YEARS AGO because he has stopped teasing me that way -- apparently I would be disgruntled and give him the silent treatment -- tbh this sounds like something I would do, though I think I'm much better about it now. I still  may 'go dark' for up to a couple days, but I'm internally processing and figuring out my own feelings and deciding what I want to say to him, rather than just being upset and sure that he's wrong. My tendency to shut down is something that my dad pointed out as a growth area in our wedding recommendation letter required by our church (he wasn't being harsh, honesty and noting stumbling blocks for the couple are encouraged).

 

10/10 Week 3 Day 3 Tuesday

Breakfast - coffee, greek yogurt, ham

Lunch - beef curry with rice, cucumbers

Post-WO - hummus with crackers

Dinner - beef and carrot stew with egg noodles, ~2 glasses wine

Workout - Strength circuit and a more treadmill hills

 

#1 Work out: 3/3

#2 Mindful eating: 3/3

#3 Meditation: 3/3

 

I finally buckled down and did some major cooking. I had forgotten how labor intensive this stew is (SO good though), and I made a bacon/sausage frittata for breakfasts. I also burned myself on the frittata pan. Later last night I'm on the phone, fiance shows me a video of a funny squirrel and then starts brushing my arm in imitation of the squirrel while I try to wave him off so he doesn't touch my burn. Ridiculousness.

Image result for squirrel trying to hide nut in dog gif

Full hilarious video here

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Current Challenge

Battle Log

Level 18 Pixie Ranger

 

 

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23 hours ago, Hiroro said:

Thanks @Elastigirl for your thoughtful response. We've actually both taken the five love languages quiz, and talked about our results. His top two are quality time and physical touch. But you're right, it's definitely more constructive to approach it from the "giving" side -- which is, I suppose, the hardest and best part of working on a relationship. If I'm being honest, I definitely don't take criticism well. I've always internalized negative feedback very strongly, which I realize is something to work on for growth purposes. On the flip side, a little bit of positive affirmation can send my spirits through the roof.

 

10/9 Week 3 Day 2 Monday

Breakfast - coffee, greek yogurt, apple

Lunch - ham and cheese

Dinner - fish, rice, and a salad - greens/vinaigrette/goat cheese

Workout - Strength circuit and a couple treadmill hills

 

#1 Work out: 2/2

#2 Mindful eating: 2/2

#3 Meditation: 2/2

 

 

 

That's awesome that you both took the  5 languages quiz! Have you read the book? I bet you would find it interesting. I think we all find it hard to take criticism. But, it looks like to me that you have taken the time to think about what he said and what your response should be

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Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27

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That quiz really helped me figure out what to do for my husband. I found out he likes... time. He just wants to literally hang out. He doesn't want presents, or compliments, or to be touched all the time. He wants to be in the same room as me 24/7. Once I realized that I could please him just by showing up, our entire relationship got easier. I stopped freaking out over not getting him the right presents, or not being a natural-born cuddler. I say "wanna take a walk?" and we yap for an hour and he is THRILLED. 

 

I personally like compliments and actions. TELL ME I'M PRETTY THEN DO THE DISHES. 

 

giphy.gif

 

The "Love Languages" thing sounds like a gimmick, but is surprisingly effective. 

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Criticism is so hard to take. It's something I've acknowledged as a major growth area for myself for a long time, and have been actively working on and improving on. It's gotten better in work scenarios but damn is it difficult with significant others! "You're supposed to love me no matter what, so if you want me to change, you must not love me!".
At least I don't literally think he's going to leave me every time now.

Anyways, just saying, the issues you are having are normal, and the fact that you guys are talking about it is a fantastic sign. For us, anyways, things have only gotten better with time as we've learned how to communicate and serve each other better. You can love someone with your whole being and still have a lot to learn about the inner workings of their mind...

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Race: Wood Elf

Level 20

Class: Ranger

Strength: 45 | Dexterity: 15 | Stamina: 44 | Constitution: 29 | Wisdom: 35 | Charisma: 28

BATTLE LOG   EPIC QUEST  CHALLENGE

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15 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

That's awesome that you both took the  5 languages quiz! Have you read the book? I bet you would find it interesting. I think we all find it hard to take criticism. But, it looks like to me that you have taken the time to think about what he said and what your response should be

I honestly can't remember whether I read the book (I read so much, Goodreads has been amazing for helping me start keeping track) but I just added it to my library requests :)


 

9 hours ago, Super Starling! said:

TELL ME I'M PRETTY THEN DO THE DISHES. 

YES THIS haha. Thank you for sharing your experience with the love languages...knowing his languages are time and touch, it's still hard for me to BELIEVE that compliments don't matter to him. 

 

8 hours ago, Fonzico said:

Criticism is so hard to take. It's something I've acknowledged as a major growth area for myself for a long time, and have been actively working on and improving on. It's gotten better in work scenarios but damn is it difficult with significant others! "You're supposed to love me no matter what, so if you want me to change, you must not love me!".
At least I don't literally think he's going to leave me every time now.

Anyways, just saying, the issues you are having are normal, and the fact that you guys are talking about it is a fantastic sign. For us, anyways, things have only gotten better with time as we've learned how to communicate and serve each other better. You can love someone with your whole being and still have a lot to learn about the inner workings of their mind...

So true. My instinctive anxiety spiral naturally sends me to the nuclear option (internally) "If we are having this sucky situation now and it's going to repeat into infinity I'm going to be miserable forever maybe we just shouldn't get married". I find that constructive negative feedback at work is usually paired with positive feedback (performance reviews) - but I have a really hard time dealing when someone flips out at me at work - those are the times I cried on the way home.

 

Yesterday we met our first DJ, and were so impressed that we're going to go ahead and book them (met the guy but it will be him and his wife)! Yay for one more vendor settled. I was really impressed by how comprehensive their services are, so even though the price is higher than we planned, since they will do ceremony and event coordination I don't need the day-of-coordinator. Which is less expensive overall. It sounds like they really prioritize making sure the wedding goes smoothly and as we envision it, from helping with last minute hair emergencies (they're both former hairstylists) to helping with bouttonieres, to making sure Dad is where he's supposed to be when the father-daughter dance starts, to making sure we get drinks. And he even admitted that our venue doesn't really need any of the "extras", most of which are lighting.

 

My venue (Rhinegeist brewery's event room)

Image result for rhinegeist wedding

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Current Challenge

Battle Log

Level 18 Pixie Ranger

 

 

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