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The Silver Archer: Heart of Purpose


SkyGirl

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Congrats on the promotion Madam Ambassador.

 

I'm so excited!!! :D  :D  :D 

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SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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14 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, and I admit I may be overreacting, but consider this. If you ask him to back off what will happen? He will, and then slow down and move at your pace, showing he respects you and is worthy of your time. He decides to give up and move on to the next person, which shows he didn't care about you the way he said he did. He won't back off and will keep pursuing, showing he is either dangerous or disrespectful, either of which precludes him from being acceptable. In other words, taking it slow will either delay a good thing or prevent a bad thing. If this all comes from a place of immaturity, rather than personality issues, he is immature and not ready for a real relationship yet. Trust me, I was in his shoes once upon a time.

 

Also, I took your (and my mom's) advice and wrote to the young man tonight to ask him to slow things down  ... he texted me earlier to say that he noticed I seemed uncomfortable around him today, and wanted to know why; so I worked up my courage and told him I was feeling uncomfortable with how he was talking to me, and that I wanted to back things off and just be friends for a while longer. I'm nervous to see what he will say and I hope I don't hurt his feelings, but I really feel it's for the best. I'm not ready for that level of commitment to anyone, and especially not to someone I've only talked to seriously for a few days. If he's really that interested in me he will wait.

 

Thank you and @Shadri again for your brotherly and sisterly advice. I confided in a couple of IRL friends, and they said they thought I was making a mistake and would regret it; but you guys and my mom heard and validated my discomfort, and that means a lot to me. 

 

giphy.webp

 

Now to get some sleep and try to fight off this low-grade fever I can't get rid of ... I don't have time to be sick right now ...

  • Like 3

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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Congrats, fellow Ambassador! :D 

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“All You Have To Decide Is What To Do With The Time That Is Given To You.” - Gandalf

 

Current Challenge: A Bold New Year

 

 

Spoiler

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|2728 29|30

The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Dúnedain Ranger: Vol I, Vol IIVol III, Interim| Vol IV|Vol V 

 

 

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2 minutes ago, Rhovaniel said:

Congrats, fellow Ambassador! :D 

 

And congrats to YOU, my fellow Ambassador!! :D 

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SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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6 hours ago, Shadri said:

Ayiii congrats! And good for you for talking to that boy about your discomfort. I hope things turn out well. :)

 

Wellp, I woke up this morning (well, and then went back to sleep, and woke up, and went back to sleep ... got 10 hours of feverish sleep last night/this morning/this afternoon) and the young man had replied and said he completely understood, and he appreciated my courage in telling him what I needed and he was happy to be just friends if that was what I was ready for right now. So I think he's a good egg.  :) 

 

EucIfYY.gif

 

I'm feeling a little on the sad side about it, both because I realized last night that I've been so anxious about the whole thing that I didn't really pray about it much at all, and also because I'm really hoping I didn't hurt his feelings or burn any bridges ... but I prayed for forgiveness and thanked the young man profusely, so now I just need to refocus on my work and life, and give the whole thing to God in prayer, and just be the best friend to him that I can. 

 

Today is going to be a rest-and-work day ... I finally crawled off to bed at 2AM this morning and slept until after noon, so now I need to get enough done that I keep my professor reasonably happy. I skipped class and am working from home, so that will help.

 

Tonight I want to write a bit of narrative, if there's time ...

 

dun-dun-dun-gif-19.gif 

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SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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I'm so glad your young man understood. It sounds like he's respecting your needs and the boundaries you're putting in place. :) 

“All You Have To Decide Is What To Do With The Time That Is Given To You.” - Gandalf

 

Current Challenge: A Bold New Year

 

 

Spoiler

Previous Challenges: 1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13 1415|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|2728 29|30

The Chronicles of Rhovaniel, Dúnedain Ranger: Vol I, Vol IIVol III, Interim| Vol IV|Vol V 

 

 

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2 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

I've been so anxious about the whole thing that I didn't really pray about it much at all, and also because I'm really hoping I didn't hurt his feelings or burn any bridges

This is where the codependency is coming in. You are not responsible for his feelings. You are not responsible for how he feels based on you doing something healthy to protect yourself after he did something unhealthy. He pushed on your boundaries, and you held firm. Nothing about this situation is your fault. Even if you two were further along in a committed relationship, you would not be responsible for his feelings.

 

You are responsible for YOUR ACTIONS, you are NOT responsible for anyone else's feelings.

 

You didn't do anything wrong, and if he doesn't like the consequences of his actions, that's his problem, not yours.

 

You are awesome and I'm proud of you.

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Current Challenge

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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6 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

This is where the codependency is coming in. You are not responsible for his feelings. You are not responsible for how he feels based on you doing something healthy to protect yourself after he did something unhealthy. He pushed on your boundaries, and you held firm. Nothing about this situation is your fault. Even if you two were further along in a committed relationship, you would not be responsible for his feelings.

 

You are responsible for YOUR ACTIONS, you are NOT responsible for anyone else's feelings.

 

You didn't do anything wrong, and if he doesn't like the consequences of his actions, that's his problem, not yours.

 

You are awesome and I'm proud of you.

 

THANK YOU for this, Tank, it came at just the right time ... he and I took a short walk this afternoon and had a nice talk that ended on affectionate terms; but all the old voices came back in force, whispering things like You should text him something funny to make sure he isn't mad at you ... You should make sure he got home okay, since he's on crutches ... You should bring him a treat tomorrow to make him smile. But because I read your message, I was able to confront myself and say, "Sky, you and I both know that this is not your kindness or your care for him that is talking. This is your fear. You're afraid that he might go away, or stop talking to you, or say something to hurt your feelings; and you're trying to control him and control the situation to avoid being hurt or dumped."

 

So I answered those voices with I am going to give him space to feel any emotions he chooses to feel, without my interference ... I am going to trust him to take care of himself without my help, like he's been doing for most of his life ... I am going to let him decide if he wants to see me tomorrow or not; he gave me space, and I will return the favor.

 

I chose to let go. I chose to not control, and to live with the discomfort of not knowing. I chose to honor him with the same space he gave back to me.

 

It wasn't easy, but it was empowering and exciting.

  • Like 2

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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6 minutes ago, SkyGirl said:

THANK YOU for this, Tank, it came at just the right time ... he and I took a short walk this afternoon and had a nice talk that ended on affectionate terms; but all the old voices came back in force, whispering things like You should text him something funny to make sure he isn't mad at you ... You should make sure he got home okay, since he's on crutches ... You should bring him a treat tomorrow to make him smile. But because I read your message, I was able to confront myself and say, "Sky, you and I both know that this is not your kindness or your care for him that is talking. This is your fear. You're afraid that he might go away, or stop talking to you, or say something to hurt your feelings; and you're trying to control him and control the situation to avoid being hurt or dumped."

 

So I answered those voices with I am going to give him space to feel any emotions he chooses to feel, without my interference ... I am going to trust him to take care of himself without my help, like he's been doing for most of his life ... I am going to let him decide if he wants to see me tomorrow or not; he gave me space, and I will return the favor.

 

I chose to let go. I chose to not control, and to live with the discomfort of not knowing. I chose to honor him with the same space he gave back to me.

 

It wasn't easy, but it was empowering and exciting.

Well done. I'm so proud of you.

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Current Challenge

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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You’re figuring this stuff out really freaking quickly, Sky. Amazing to watch. Thank you for sharing your process. (And huge props to this Tank angel on your shoulder.)

 

"First you decide what you've gotta do, and then you go out and do it. And maybe the most that we can do is just to see each other through it." -Ani Difranco

Current Challenge | Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

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3 minutes ago, EaseActivate said:

You’re figuring this stuff out really freaking quickly, Sky. Amazing to watch. Thank you for sharing your process. (And huge props to this Tank angel on your shoulder.)

 

 

Oh, it wasn't perfect - the young man did end up messaging me for a brief goodnight chat, and I was more effusive and submissive than I should have been. But I had a good chat with myself and I didn't message him first, and that is a huge victory. I'll take it for today.  :)  :)  :) 

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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