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Helloooo there!! My third challenge as an Assassin begins :) Last challenge was slightly underwhelming, yet overwhelming. I was physically sick, then itsy bitsy depressed, and now I'm ready to start a new little chapter in my life.

 

I created the Fox-Box during the last challenge: it's a box with journals, stickers, and all sorts of items that make me feel positive. I also found a base for my self-therapy: a combination of logotherapy and working on my life traps. As I'm writing this, I'm feeling very hopeful about the future, and leaving the past behind seems easier with all the possibilities that are ahead of me.

 

This challenge is all about picking myself back up after feeling depressed, and of course, GETTING THEM PUSH-UP GAINZ!!!

 

1. Re-calibraining

 

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This goal is all about changing. Re-calibrating my brain, if you will. I have lived with pretty toxic thoughts, and now those thoughts have been making my life more difficult than it needs to be. I'm continuing with the self-therapy, and now I have a new tool: affirmations. I started using this technique last week, and it just works for me now. If there's something I can't change and I feel bad about it, I tell myself, "I'm fine with this". And then I start coping with it. That's to put it simply :D Look at all these lovely affirmations. After feeling lost and numb for a long time, I'm now creating myself anew. I love this feeling of change happening, and I am letting go of what no longer serves me. 

 

This goal is just the daily habit of using the tools I have, and journaling. I'm thinking of planning more Introvert Pampering days so that I have enough time to chill.

 

2. Food!

 

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Whenever wherever When I was depressed, I didn't have much energy to prep proper meals. I'm getting better now, and I want to start getting my veggies and healthy carbs back in. I'm using affirmations here, too: "I am not a person who eats chocolate". "I do meal prep, and enjoy as much healthy food as I need and want." I know that I don't need to count calories or be too cautious about what I eat. It's about balance: listening to my body, but also using my knowledge to pick the foods that make me feel good.

 

3. Push up!

 

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This is it! I'm back! I am going to train push ups three times a week, according to the program of startbodyweight.com. I am currently at the three quarters push-ups + 5 seconds eccentric part. Last workout, I did 5 - 5 - 5, so next one will be 6 - 5 - 5, and so forth, until I hit 8 - 8 - 8. With steady progression, I should get there by... let's see... by November the fifth? That's possible, but I am not stressing too much about it. I'd like to get to 8 - 8 - 8 by the end of this challenge :)

 

REWARDS??

 

My challenges always lack rewards... I think the goals themselves are rewards, but hmmm. I need to think of something. Like a massage?

 

**

 

That's it. Let's have ourselves a good challenge! I am happy to be here with you all :)

 

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Following! 

 

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Race: Amazonian Ogre Princess | Class: Ranger | Profession: SuperHero

Level: 19 Ranger | STR 36 | DEX 29 | STA  35 | CON  43 | WIS 35 | CHA 23|

 

Spoiler

 

Epic Quest Avatar Lifting profile | D&D Character Sheet

Accountibillibuddies: Doodlies setting the world alight

Roadmaps: 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021

 

I am not saying I am Wonder Woman. I am just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman together in the same room.

 

Current Challenge: Shello Finally Fitnesses (sort of) and does some other things

Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 789, 10, 11, 12 , 131415, 1617181920, 21, 2223242526272829303132, 33, 3435, 36??

Starting weight = 290.4; Current weight = 269; Total pounds lost: 21.4

 

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16 minutes ago, LadyShello said:

Following! 

 

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I can hear him go "NYANYANYAYANYANYA"

 

9 minutes ago, SomeGuyFromScotland said:

Booya! Go, Ensi!

 

YEAH!!!

 

4 minutes ago, DrFeelgood said:

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:DDD THE HOOD FLIPS BACK !!!

 

**

 

It's been a good day! I took care of myself by taking a hot shower and a bath for my feet, and then I cooked food! Now I have ready meals in the fridge. I've seriously neglected meal prepping while I've been sick, and I realized that cooking takes time and effort. But it's totally worth it! I'm happy with my food choices today :) I made a soup from frozen veggies, which was convenient, and prepared sweet potato chips in the oven with some onion. Now I just need to eat. That's easy.

 

I walked to the town in the afternoon, and did some studying after I got back home. I finished proofreading the thesis, so... I'm gonna send it tomorrow. WHAT EVS. Later on, I did a deep stretching video with Adriene and it was sooooooooo good x__x I relaxed completely, and I'm not as panic-y about the meeting tomorrow. Now that I mentioned it, though, I'm a bit panic-y. Whoops. But more enthusiastic than panic-y. :D I'll just go there and be my own radiant self.

 

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Omg this Skeletor twerk. I LOVE. 

  • Haha 1

Raptron, alot assassin

666564636261605958 575655545352515049484746454443424140393837363534333231302928272625242322212019181716151413121110987 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1

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10 minutes ago, raptron said:

Omg this Skeletor twerk. I LOVE. 

 

Yes!! Here's some spooky music for it:

 

 

4 minutes ago, deftona said:

Following for Ensi and Skeletor because name me a more epic duo. 

 

I'll wait. 

 

You and me. Duh.

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10 hours ago, deftona said:

 

*remembers the official friendship declaration*... 

 

Oh yeah ;)

 

With your wits and my fabuolous non-He-man hairstyle, we're unstoppable!!

 

9 hours ago, Terah said:

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**

 

I had breakfast, went for a walk, and then did a 40-minute workout (including warm-up and cool-down). Push-ups progressed as hoped: 6 - 5 - 5, and I started going through squat progressions. I jumped to the Bulgarian split squat, because legs are my strongest area and I can do 20 + deep squats. The Bulgarian split squats looked pretty intimidating, and I wasn't sure how I would hold my balance, but... just one word: yoga :D I've practiced the runner's lunge for hundreds of times, so lowering myself down went rather easy - it was fun, actually! I did 5 - 5 - 5, and I'm going to keep progressing slowly. I don't want to get cocky and break myself in the process.

 

I took a shower, and now I'm gonna send the thesis away and then study for the statistics exam I have on Friday. After I meet the Computer Science Sensei (CSS - haha!), I'm having coffee with a friend. In the evening, I'm going to a comic book group meeting with the friend I messaged last week. So, it'll be a busy day and a lot of socializing and excitement, but...

 

bcd06510065e6080c6feb92bb89f8590--affirm

 

Breakfast and post-workout snack were healthy foods. It feels wonderful to take care of myself.

 

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Mwahahaaa I panicked for no reason at all :D Computer Science Sensei was super relaxed and kind, and he gave me a lot of help and ideas. He listened to me, was encouraging, and suggested that I could apply for the master's degree in computer science this spring - I have studied so much that he says it's very likely that I would be accepted. You know what that means? I wouldn't have one, but TWO master's degrees. And I really, really want to do this. It's a degree that's focused on interaction and technology (communications, game design), and it's possible to apply for all sorts of design/development jobs with that degree. And I could already take some courses this winter... I need to send him a message and ask for the exact courses I need to have in my degree. I would study for another two years, but I believe it would be worth it. Besides, I love studying, so...

 

I'm proud of myself for doing something scary, and I feel calm now. I can keep working at the library and study at the same time, and maybe take some other job to earn some money. I'm starting to get back on my paws...! I haven't actually felt this strong about myself ever?? It's been six years since I moved away from my parents, and the learning curve has been huge. I'm taking the responsibility of my choices, and I will keep studying for a bit longer. I'm not done!

 

 

I sent the thesis to my instructor for some final feedback this morning! It's almost finished. After meeting CSS, I had a cup of coffee with a friend, and I'm gonna go to the comic book group meeting in an hour :) I feel good after working out, and I'm curious to see if I can progress to beginner shrimp squats in a few weeks... Have a lovely Wednesday, ya'll!

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4 hours ago, Ensi said:

I'm proud of myself for doing something scary

I'm proud of you too <3 

 

And those skeletor memes.... I think I'm addicted :D 

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  • Like 2
Doodlie for life, Pancake by choice
Spoiler

 

Challenge 12, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 

Challenges 2017: 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

Challenges 2018: 29, 30, 31, 32, 3334, 35,

Challenges 2019: 36, 37, 38, 39, 40

 

Challenges 2020: 41, 42, 43, 44, 45

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12 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

Outstanding work, Ensi!  You're crushing it! :)

 

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Thanks!!

 

8 hours ago, Terah said:

I'm proud of you too <3 

 

Thank you :) Mom sounded a bit weird when I told her I would keep studying. She called me back later on and said something like "well, it's not like you're just keeping to yourself and studying. You go to work and all", and I was really confused about what she meant with it. Later on I realized that she probably thinks that people with TWO degrees are usually "weirdos" who live in an academic bubble :D She's told me to focus on working in the library because the IT branch is "stressful and eww", and that I should keep coding just as a hobby. She's said that "some people just go to work, and it's boring for them, but that's just how it is". She sees work as just something that pays the bills, whereas for me, work and studies are a big part of my identity. It felt amazing to talk with CSS yesterday and get support to keep studying - I even told him that I work at the library, and he agreed that if I studied more I could work with the library's information systems. I get that Mom just wants me to be happy, but she seems to have a different idea of what being happy is - I'm more like Dad in many ways. But, as I decided in the previous challenge, I'm no longer getting worked up over what other people say and think. I'm going to be "selfish" and do what feels right for me - and remain respectful, of course. Mom only wants me to be happy, and I know that she will support me <3

 

**

 

The comic book group meeting was lovely! We drew and chatted about stuff, and it was very relaxed. Two hours flew by! I'm definitely going again :) I listed the computer science courses I still need to take, and I'm gonna ask CSS about them today. Then I'm going to study for tomorrow's exam, and meet a friend for a cup of coffee in the evening. It was a bit hard to fall asleep last night after all the excitement of working on the thesis and meeting CSS and new people, so I'm going to assign some time to Introvert Pampering today. I'm not going to do anything in the morning, just play some Tomb Raider and maybe watch a silly movie :D Have a lovely Thursday!

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Just my two cents, Ens. Life is very short, and you'll spend a huge chunk of it working - if you can at all avoid it, don't ever settle for a job that makes you miserable "just to pay the bills." It's a rat trap, and it's no way to live. I am that soldier. If you can find a way to get paid for doing something you love, you'll never "work" a day in your life. Do that. Always do that.

 

You rock, Foxy.

  • Like 5

~~ VALHALLA, I AM COMING! ~~

Season 1 (2015): #0 #1 #2 #3 #4 #5

 Season 2 (2016): #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12  #13 #14 #15 

 Season 3 (2017): #16 #17 #18 

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3 hours ago, SomeGuyFromScotland said:

Just my two cents, Ens. Life is very short, and you'll spend a huge chunk of it working - if you can at all avoid it, don't ever settle for a job that makes you miserable "just to pay the bills." It's a rat trap, and it's no way to live. I am that soldier. If you can find a way to get paid for doing something you love, you'll never "work" a day in your life. Do that. Always do that.

 

You rock, Foxy.

 

Thanks for the support, Scotty :) You're right, and I understand it...! It would be foolish not to continue studying, especially since I'm very interested in computer science and such. I feel like I've always done what I've been expected to do, and it's been good, but now I want to do things for myself. Besides, I've had to deal with a huge bunch of mental illness during my university years (I cared so little about myself when I started that one time when my apartment's lock broke down and I got locked inside, I didn't even call for help because I figured no one would care - goooossshhhh), so I think I'm only now getting started :D Thank you again, Scotty, your words mean a lot <3

 

I went for an hour's bike trip in the morning, and when I got back home, I checked my email. My instructor had given me some final feedback on the thesis this morning, so I made some alterations to it, and turned it in. It's out of my hands now. I don't really want to tell anyone, for some reason. I'm tired of talking about my stuff, and now I just want to gather my thoughts. Maybe my introvert batteries are empty after yesterday's socializing, but ehh. I'm gonna go take a second nap, and drink tea :)

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9 hours ago, Ensi said:

I get that Mom just wants me to be happy, but she seems to have a different idea of what being happy is - I'm more like Dad in many ways. But, as I decided in the previous challenge, I'm no longer getting worked up over what other people say and think. I'm going to be "selfish" and do what feels right for me - and remain respectful, of course. Mom only wants me to be happy, and I know that she will support me <3

It's not selfish to do what feels right for you! Your mom needs to stop looking at what would make her happy, and see how happy studying and coding makes you. She, or anyone else for that matter, does not need to understand it. You're your own person. Like my mom always told me: everyone is different, and that's okay. It would be boring if we're all the same.

 

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  • Like 2
Doodlie for life, Pancake by choice
Spoiler

 

Challenge 12, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 

Challenges 2017: 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

Challenges 2018: 29, 30, 31, 32, 3334, 35,

Challenges 2019: 36, 37, 38, 39, 40

 

Challenges 2020: 41, 42, 43, 44, 45

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Hello friend! I'm following! 

 

I have to agree on the whole job isn't just "something to pay the bills." thing. I absolutely love my job. There are days where I wanna tear my hair out, and days where people just make me wanna scream, and days where I can't focus, but I love going to work. I want that for absolutely everyone since I know how it feels to wake up and dread your daily routine (um.. college? Is that you?). 

 

It's so awesome to see you pick yourself back up. Keep being awesome Ensi. <3 And I'll keep using you as my inspiration to remind myself that the road to recovery is long and winding but will be so worth it.

  • Like 1

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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Following for love!! <3

 

You might be interested in the Ranger mini this challenge. @Tanktimus the Encourager is running a mindset challenge.

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Gargoyle Ranger | Level 46

2021 challenges:  46 (current)

2015-2020 challenges: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 || 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 || 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 || 43 | 44 | 45

 

My epic quest | MEATBALL WARS

You don't get better at anything unless you start doing it.

Being alive is heckn swell. 

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2 hours ago, Terah said:

It's not selfish to do what feels right for you! Your mom needs to stop looking at what would make her happy, and see how happy studying and coding makes you. She, or anyone else for that matter, does not need to understand it. You're your own person. Like my mom always told me: everyone is different, and that's okay. It would be boring if we're all the same.

 

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Adopt me You're right, it's not selfish - I have tried to do what I've expected people want all by myself. And I understand Mom and that she's worried because of the mental issues I've had, but things are very different now, and I have healed. (I don't want to paint anyone an "enemy" here, I just start to understand my own actions and beliefs better - I've sometimes made choices to make Mom feel easy.) Sure, taking care of my poor little head is a process, but I understand myself better now. I want a career, and I want to keep learning new things for the rest of my life :)

 

1 hour ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Hello friend! I'm following! 

 

I have to agree on the whole job isn't just "something to pay the bills." thing. I absolutely love my job. There are days where I wanna tear my hair out, and days where people just make me wanna scream, and days where I can't focus, but I love going to work. I want that for absolutely everyone since I know how it feels to wake up and dread your daily routine (um.. college? Is that you?). 

 

Whoot whoot welcome!! Hey I set up MAMP today! I had WordPress on my localhost, but I couldn't download plugins - something about transportation issues... I tried enabling curl and a couple other extentions in PHP, but it was no good. It works perfectly on MAMP, though, and I'm gonna keep practicing :D The document you made for me is very helpful!

 

Oh yes, work doesn't have to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but if it's mostly something you don't enjoy, then I think you owe it to yourself to look for other options...!

 

2 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

It's so awesome to see you pick yourself back up. Keep being awesome Ensi. <3 And I'll keep using you as my inspiration to remind myself that the road to recovery is long and winding but will be so worth it.

 

that's so sweet I can't even

 

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Haha you're my career inspiration! The road to recovery is long, but hey, the road doesn't need to be dull...! Keep loving yourself, and tell yourself that you deserve good things. It's been a very weird year for me, but last week, something changed. Now I want to take care of myself, and I believe that I deserve it. It's a lifelong journey, but I'm in a good company :D It will take time to get used to your new thoughts, just like it takes time for any new habit. Keep going, you're a cool person and you're very inspiring to me <3

 

57 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

Following for love!! <3

 

You might be interested in the Ranger mini this challenge. @Tanktimus the Encourager is running a mindset challenge.

 

Yay welcome!!!

 

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Ha, I might check the mini challenge out!

 

**

 

I went for a cup of coffee with a friend, and now I'm chilling. I've been a bit tired today after all the socializing I did yesterday, but other than that, things are going well :) Food's been fine, and I hope to get a good night's sleep! I took TWO NAPS today :D I should be studying for an exam I have tomorrow... But I have mostly studied the material, so I should mostly pass lol.

 

Ohh I looked more into the master's degree, and I could focus on interaction, game design and educational technology!! This all sounds super exciting. I also realized that I could apply for any other Finnish universities, as well... But I'd love to stay in my current town :P I'm waiting for CSS to answer a couple of questions I have, and I have planned out my studies for the rest of the year. I will have only two courses, but now I'm looking at a basic course on artificial intelligence that sounds pretty interesting... And I'm still thinking of contacting the Swedish university's library. The current one seems to offer me work twice a month, and I'd like to have more.

 

... but I'm gonna advance slow. I don't want to suddenly jump into doing too many things at once. I'm still recovering, so tomorrow I will rest after the exam :P Thanks again for support, everyone! I'm lucky to have you all :)

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6 minutes ago, Ensi said:

Adopt me

I always wanted a girl!

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Doodlie for life, Pancake by choice
Spoiler

 

Challenge 12, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 

Challenges 2017: 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

Challenges 2018: 29, 30, 31, 32, 3334, 35,

Challenges 2019: 36, 37, 38, 39, 40

 

Challenges 2020: 41, 42, 43, 44, 45

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Ahh, sleep was good! I listened to Fearless Rebelle Radio until I started to feel really sleepy. I'm gonna listen to the rest of the podcast now, the topic is very interesting: "health has gone from something that allows us to fulfill our purpose in life to being the purpose in life". That was pretty much me this spring...!

 

I kept looking at the computer science courses they offer this year, and I'm especially interested in a graphic user interface design course that I can attend in the spring: we will design and implement a GUI, which I could download to my GitHub account! There's also a course about gamification that starts in a couple of weeks, which would be a part of the master's degree. I'm so excited!! I'm super happy that I'm not in a regular job, because now I have enough time to study some more, and still make enough money to come by.

 

I've been thinking about my finances, and I seem to be holding steady: I get the support from social services that helps me with paying the rent, I make some money by doing odd jobs at the library, and I'm gonna get a big sum in tax refunds in December. It seems that I am doing fine, and I'm starting to trust that I will be fine :) I panicked a lot in the spring time, thinking that I'm gonna crash and burn in the autumn. But no, here I am, having my morning coffee! Nevertheless, I'm going to start making some plans on how to spend my money more wisely. Planning ahead, eating cheap meals at the university restaurant, and meal prepping are the key.

 

I am going to tell my boss at the library that I'm back to studying, but I'd love to keep working odd jobs. The thing is, though, that a couple of friends I had at the library said that they were working there every week after their internships, but I'm getting about two shifts a month. And actually, I'm OK with that...! I realize that I, myself, am completely fine with my situation, but I feel like I should explain myself to others who are asking me, "but what about the library job?" And I'm actually thinking about talking less about my plans with these people. I don't need validation for my plans: my own assessment is enough, and I'm taking the responsibility. I will get another job, if it seems like I'm starting to get poor in an alarming rate. Now I'm ready to make plans, work hard, and get some more education D8<

 

I have an exam in a couple of hours...! where's my education now???

 

anigif_enhanced-buzz-30965-1352415914-8.

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