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Teros 38: If I fail, I quit NF forever


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On 11/5/2017 at 1:53 AM, GregT. said:

I would like to be a Alchemist please.

Ok: 2 Alchemists, then.  Seems we have 1 Dr, 2 Alch, 1 Paranormal, 3 Destitute.  I didn't pick one for me yet, because I wanted to see how this went.

 

On 11/5/2017 at 1:53 AM, GregT. said:

Be careful man, you may fuck around and get a real job

 

They hire internally, so if this goes well; that could be the case.  Getting *paid* to do this would be so goddamn nice.

 

On 11/5/2017 at 1:53 AM, GregT. said:

leaders and that field does not seem to attract them.  Your Charisma must be a 15 at least. 

 

I rolled and got a 16, so I stuck with that.

 

On 11/5/2017 at 1:53 AM, GregT. said:

a better image for controller

 

100% accurate, actually.

 

Image result for intj palpatine

 

On 11/5/2017 at 5:29 AM, StarlordPhoenix said:

it amazes me

 

:redface:

 

On 11/5/2017 at 9:40 AM, WhiteGhost said:

I am going to play this as an obnoxious prick who respects only wealth and talent

 

That's perfectly acceptable and can work.

 

So I have been ridiculously strict for a very specific reason.  This week I will be SLIGHTLY LAX, but by Friday, it's back to MEGA STRICT.   Read on.

 

November 4 Day 13 (Saturday)

 

Woke up in Little's bed and told her that I was getting breakfast at Whole Foods.  That's literally the only place that is Whole30 approved: because I can get plain as fuck eggs, sausage, and sweet potato hashbrowns there.  After breakfast, I give Little a kiss and split.  No one knows about what's about to happen this weekend except for my sister and her husband.  I drive with them about mid-day and end up in Somerville, Massachusetts. I had to pop some dramamine to get there because it was over an hour drive.  I get ridiculously car sick if someone else is driving.  We reach our destination:  A Holiday Inn.  They have a room down the hall and I have a little room near the elevator.  I can barely think because of how badly the dramamine affects me.  I brought my laptop with me and I try to connect to the internet, but it's *not* happening.  So what the hell am I going to do the rest of the night?

 

 

Worry.

 

That's what I'm going to do.  I play a vaporwave album that I downloaded a while back.  I've been using this to try and fall asleep since the challenge started (because of the youtube ban- I used to watch videos and pass out).  I play around with all of the lights.  There's frigging 3 in the bathroom and 6 in the bedroom.  So here's what I brought with me for this weekend:

 

-Laptop

-Phone

-Cords for both

-Toiletries

-Plastic container filled with ground beef

-Plastic container filled with spaghetti squash

-A sweet potato wrapped in paper towel

-A frozen bag of broccoli

 

What I didn't bring:

-Sanity

 

I decide that I should eat something.  I look to find a place to put my food.  My room doesn't have a mini fridge.  Or a freezer.

Image result for michael bolton office space gif

 

So am I supposed to eat this potato raw and broccoli frozen?  I head downstairs to the front desk and speak with a woman.  I ask her if there is a communal microwave.  She says there is: it's behind the vending machine in the lobby.  Fuck yeah.

 

I go back to my room and grab my potato.  Stuffing it in my pocket, I make my way to find the microwave.  It only nukes in 3-minute intervals so I heat it.  Then heat it again.  Then heat it again.  The whole lobby smells like sweet potato.  I dare not even look at the receptionists that could see me pacing for my potato.  After it's been cooked for 9 minutes, I stuff it in my pants and go back up to my room and grab my broccoli.  I come back down.  Nuke. Wait. Nuke. Wait.  6 minutes later and the lobby stinks of broccoli.  Sorry.

 

Upstairs, I have my feast.  I eat as much of the beef as I can, all the broccoli, the whole sweet potato, and try to get a bunch of the spaghetti squash done finished.  Then I find out my sister's room has a mini microwave hidden in a cabinent.  I put the remained of beef in her fridge and lay down.  Her and her husband go out to dinner.  I don't join.  I can't fuck up tonight.  If there was ever a night to not fuck up: it's right now.

 

I can't sleep.  Memories rush through my brain.  Failures. Successes.  What it means to be me.  What it means to be Teros. 

 

I barely slept Friday night and now I'm barely sleeping Saturday night.  I keep playing my fucking music and tossing and turning.  I write in my journal a little bit.  Still no internet action: I can't even post about how scared I am.  I have really bad stomach cramps.  A lot of running to the bathroom.  "You can do this.  You can do this." I keep telling myself through the night.  I keep feeling this intensity inside of me to run away.  To just lie about doing this.  To pretend.  To quit before I have a chance to fail.

 

"You can do this.  You can do this."

 

November 5 Day 14 (Sunday)

 

I'm wide awake before 4am.

 

My sister texts me and tells me there is a breakfast buffet that I should check out.  I tell her that I can't. I'm going to just starve, rather than risk the chance of crapping myself with nerves.   The hours tick by and I'm laying in my bed, waiting.

 

6am

 

7am

 

8am

 

9am

 

10am.  Finally my sister texts me and says that we should head out now.  I need to be ready in a few minutes.  I grab my backpack which has my papers, water bottle, wallet, phone, and a pair of shorts.  My plan is to put everything in the shorts pocket, then wrap that around it, and then stuff the shorts into the backpack.

 

The 3 of us take a shuttle from the hotel to a subway station.  While waiting, I see a woman that is a little shorter than me, with pigtails and two kids.  They are waiting for the same stop as us.  I tell her how nervous I am.  It turns out, she's doing the same thing as me.  "Oh I'm going at 12:30, how about you?"  12:30 as well.  The subway gets there and we all get in.  The screeching and rocking of the subway makes me even more sick than I've felt in the past 12ish hours.  I arrive at 11:30am.

 

Image result for Fenway stadium

 

My stomach is sinking and my hands are shaking as I get off the subway and up the stairs.  I walk a couple blocks and that's when my sister tells me that she's heading out and wishes me luck.  I hug her and make my way in line.  I do the bag check-in, get a wrist-strap, and pace around.  I need to make a decision: do I bring my water bottle?  I decide that I should just in case.

 

I find a group of people that are waiting in another line inside the stadium.  I talk to a dude with a big orange beard.  He tells me I'm supposed to be right here.  I hear an announcer call up people for 12:30.  Winding around a small wall and then getting into position, a man with a microphone starts saying a "speech".  It's not inspiring in the slightest.  He's calling us all 'warriors' and stuff.  Just shut up dude.  Let me go forward.  He swings his arms downward:

 

GO

 

Surrounded by about 12 people I don't know, I start jogging up the stairs in front of me.  They spiral around and around.  This is it:  I'm about to do a Spartan Race...by myself.

 

 

We head up the winding stairway multiple times until we reach the top of the stadium.  We jog across and then back down.  Then we have a ton of stairs with bungee cords all tangled around.  We need to crawl on our hands and feet up the stairs, underneath the cords.  The order of these things is a blur but I know roughly when certain things happen.  And I encounter a brand new obstacle that I FUCKING HATE:

 

There are a row of little metal plates with tiny wheels on them.  The metal plate is a little bigger than both of your hands put together.  There is a wheel in each corner, almost like a rollerskate.  You need to get into the pushup position.  Then you put the tips of your toes on this metal plate.  Then you need to crawl and pull yourself forward.

 

*looks at list*

 

What I didn't bring:

-Sanity

-Gloves

 

I don't have time to be scared. I just start pulling myself forward.  My legs drift to the right for some reason so I'm sort of pulling diagonally.  I don't know if one of the wheels was jammed or something.  I'm panting really hard as my palms start getting shredded on the bumpy concrete.  I manage to wheel over and get told that we can walk the metal panels back.  Oh thank god.  I bring my metal wheely thing back and keep going.

 

More stairs.

 

More stairs.

 

More stairs.

 

Go up the stairs.

 

Go across.

 

Go down the stairs.

 

Go zig-zag the stairs.

 

Go up the stairs.

 

Next obstacle:  Water jug carry.  I remember this last time: my fucking hands are too big to slip into these things so I have to rely purely on finger-grip strength.  Seriously, I don't think babies can put their hands through these fucking handles.  Maybe it's a blessing since my palms are scratched up.

 

"WOMEN TAKE ONE, MEN TAKE TWO!" the volunteer yells.  I grab my two water jugs and starts stomping down the stairs.  I keep going.  Keep going.  Then we walk around a bend and go back up the few ramps again.  I needed to stop twice because of the cramping.  I shook my hands out and then kept going.  Once at the top, I drop my water jugs in the pile.  A volunteer yells at me, "GO GO GO!"  Wait, what?  Ok, I guess we have to do this twice?  I stomp down the stairs yet again, then go around the bend, then trudge my way back up the ramps.  I drop my water jugs and I realize that no one goes twice...the motherfucking volunteer wasn't paying attention and thought I just got there.  I did the water jug thing an extra time FOR NO REASON.

 

Image result for hnnnnnggg

 

SONUVABITCH REALLY?

 

Whatever. I head to the side tunnel area that everyone else was going.  Stairs.  Stairs.  Stairs.  Stairs.  Stairs.  Stairs. Stairs.  My water bottle is slamming into the stadium chairs and then whipping back and hitting the back of my thigh.  I decide to hold onto it when I go through these cramped places.

 

More Cords to duck under.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.

 

I then make it to the medicine ball slam.  Oh thank god, something I'm awesome at.  "JUST PICK IT UP AND SLAM IT TO THE GROUND TWENTY TIMES!  TWENTY TIMES!"  the volunteer yells.  Pick up.  SLAM.  Pick up.  SLAM. Pick up SLAM.  My abs are starting to cramp up around this point.  That rollerskate thingy took a lot of effort to try and keep in a planked position and I'm feeling the after-effects.

 

Moving on along, I get to the heavy jumprope.  It's not a normal rope: it's that heavy duty boat anchor rope.  Twenty or twenty-five of those.  Last time I did this, I had to count one at a time.  This time, I could do 3 jumps in a row.  A light went off in my brain.  "You're doing better now than before.  You can do this."

 

I keep pushing forward.  More zig-zag stairs and cutting between stadium seats.

 

Fuck.  Here comes the first thing I can't do:

Monkey-bars.

 

I don't even attempt them.  The last thing I need is pulling an arm out of my socket because I'm so fat.  I go to the penalty box and start doing my burpees.  The girl next to me is pissing me off: she isn't even doing the pushup.  Bitch, that's the HARDEST PART.  I drop down and a huff of air kicks up a bunch of pebbles and dust in my face.  I keep going.  I got to 20-something and lost count so I did 3 more and kept going.

 

Oh DOUBLE-FUCK.  Another one I can't do.  This stupid wall grab thing.  These things piss me off.  It's a wall with some wooden blocks nailed to the top and bottom.  You need to move from block to block.  The problem is that I literally can't press myself against the wall enough: there's too much... 'me' that's lopsided so I instantly fall off.  And I see a small wall right after that.  Burpees.  Burpees.  Burpees.  My stomach is churning.  I think that I'm keeping my abs tight constantly (which I'm supposed to do: stable core) but it's taxing me big-time.  Out of everything on my body, my abs are getting a beating in this event.  My arms can handle the carrying and lifting.  My legs are doing just fine with the light jogging and stairs.  No burning.  But if my abs had eyes, they would be crying.

 

Next event after more stairs and walkways:   Boxjumps.  I can't jump.  At all.  There's a woman's table to jump on and a men's table to jump on.  Last time, I was told I can do step ups- basically huge lunges.  So that's what I do.  Even with that, because I'm so off balance and tired, I stagger backwards and lean into the nearby wall.  Dudebro next to me and yelling and jumping.  "HHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEE-YAAAH!" *SLAM*  "HHHHHHHHHEEEEEE-YAAAAH!" *SLAM*  Meanwhile, I'm trying to not *fall*.  We go around the bend.

 

Sandbag carry.  Fucking FINALLY something that I'll handle easily.  I grab my big fucking sandbag and get ready to do stairs.  I cradle it like a baby and sort of lean it against my hip.  Then I alternate which hand carries it.  I get through with relative ease.  At least there's no jackass that yells at me to do a second round of it, right?

 

I look at the scoreboard at the stadium and suddenly something clicks.  The sign reads:

 

 

1 PM HEAT TO STARTING LINE

 

I get fuzzy.  Wait a minute....I got this far in only 30 minutes?  I had to actually stop walking and think for a second.  I don't have my phone and I ever wear a watch.  I don't see anywhere that has a clock for the time.  It has to seriously only have been 30 minutes since my racing time started at 12:30.  Emotionally, I start to break down.  Something clicked in my brain.  "I'm going to beat this.  No matter fucking what, I'm going to beat this." 

 

The first Spartan I tried and failed at, I was outside for 4 grueling hours and I didn't complete it. I got maybe 3/4 through it.  The last one I did with people from NF, it took well over two hours but I beat it.  This time, by myself...I can beat it; and I can do it faster.

 

Tears start to well up in my eyes.  Let's fucking do this.

 

I huff through more stairs.  There's a cool breeze which wakes me up a bit.  I get through more cords that are blocking the way and then a duo of events:

 

The cement block carry and the spear throw.  I grab my cement block.  Maybe 40 pounds?  I see the girl next to me that is trying to grab the women's weight.  Her ass is literally touching the floor and she has the biggest look of pain on her face.  I tried not to laugh at her.  I bend down, tip my block a few degrees, slip my fingers under, and scoop it up like it was nothing.  I carry my cement block over to the next spot, do the 5 burpees I'm supposed to do, then scoop my cement block and put it back where it belongs all in about a minute.

 

Then it's the spear throw.  Now, in previous times; you get ONE CHANCE to throw the spear. If you fuck up, you do burpees.  Yet I see people doing multiple throws and failing.  I'm waiting in line for a spot to open up.  After 7 or 8 tries, the person in front of me has the spear stick.  The volunteer waves me over.  He tells me to have an even balance on the spear.  He also tries to bend the spear tip back to normal but it's seriously crooked.  This is gonna suck.  I throw my spear and it veers to the right- the direction of the tip.  I grab the rope and pull it back. 

 

I look at my target again.  The chest panel thing is all ripped to shreds. There's also a spartan head right above it.  I want to try and hit directly in the chest. I line up my shot, toss...

 

And it stabs the helmet.  The volunteer screams, "FUCK YEAH!  HEADSHOT!  THAT TOTALLY COUNTS!  FUCKING AWESOME DUDE!"  and I continue on my way.  Some guy is panting and leaning against a railing and asks me how I'm doing.  "I'm ok.  I just got a headshot" I tell him.  The guy nods at me, "My first time I got this one" and we part ways.

 

The white tape leads back into the stadium.  I turn a corner and I see the pulley.

 

Ah the pulley.

 

The first Spartan race I did, I lifted the weight on the pulley system and that was the last straw.  That was everything in my tank.  Right after that is when I had to stop.  The previous one I did, I remember everyone struggling with this and it was pretty tough, but I still felt like a badass when I pulled the weight.  Here it is again.

 

I see a row of people all struggling: maybe 7 or 8 people.  I ask the volunteer which rope I'm supposed to use.  He tells me the white ropes are for the men.  I see a guy sitting on the ground, his feet pressed against the guard railing (which is cheating, by the way) and he's huffing and grunting.  There's a *choir* of grunts as people are struggling.  I look at mine rope...is it going to be that bad?

 

I rub my scraped palms together and grab the rope.  Pull. Pull. Pull. Pull.  My weight goes soaring upwards - more than double the speed of anyone else.  It reaches the top.  I then ease on the rope and slide it downward and I place it right back.  My entire weight/pulley was done in literally seconds.  I showed up, finished, and left before anyone even got their weights to the top.  I feel fucking godly.

 

I know I had a smirk on my face as I headed to the next thing.  We go outside, around the chairs, and then back down.  I see a female volunteer that's not at an event: she's just cheering.  I ask her, "Hey how much of this is left?"  She goes, "Back inside and then the victory lap."

 

I'm floored.  Really?  I look up at the same sign as before:

 

1:30 PM HEAT TO STARTING LINE

And hour?  A FUCKING HOUR AND I'M ALMOST DONE!?
 
Image result for super saiyan god yell gif

 

I make a dash inside to see what's left before my victory lap outside.  Two guys, one with a megaphone, yelling, "I NEED TWENTY PUSHUPS AND THEN YOU HEAD OUTSIDE!  TWENTY PUSHUPS!"

 

I get about 12 of them and then my chest/abs give out.  I need to breathe for a couple seconds.  Smelling the gross rubber mats, I wake up and do a couple more, wait a few seconds, and then finish my pushups.  One of the guys yells at me, "GOOD WORK MAN GO GO GO"

 

I walk up the cramped stairs and suddenly the whole stadium is open in front of me.  I'm hit with sunlight and a punch of air as I look to the side.  My victory lap.  There's obstacles but as I scan side to side, I see the finish line.

 

I'm hit with every emotion all at once.  I'm going to do this.  I'm going to finish it.

 

I try and hold it together and swallow hard as tears rim my eyes.  I head to the left to the cargo net climb.  This obstacle was terrifying when I did it before.  I remember @alienjenn and I remember how difficult it was to get *off* of the cargo net.  I start to make my climb upwards.  I go 20, 30, feet, and higher.  It's shaking and wobbling as other people are scrambling up these shitty elastic band nets.  I get to the top and I don't know how to get over the very tip.  I'm frozen in fear for a second as I look straight down. Oh Christ, how do I land on the other side?

 

I start taking panicked breaths and then.... I stop thinking.

 

I literally jump over the top, put all my weight on my right hand (which is over the side) and land my right foot into one of the bands.  I hold on for dear life and my left hand has a deathgrip.  I made it over the goddamn cargo climb by fucking jumping.

 

Now I'm on the other side and I try to pace myself.  Adrenaline is rushing.  I know what's left and I'm going to fucking finish this.  My hands, arms, chest, abs, and legs are all shaking and wobbling by this point.  I count to myself as I take steps.  Right hand down. Right leg down.  Left hand down.  Left leg down.  Right hand down, etc.... I'm calling out what each body part should do, in order, to keep a rhythm going.  I make it to the bottom and breathe a sigh of relief.  I look around.... somehow everyone was gone.  There was no one for 50+ feet in front of me.  No one behind me.  It's like I was somehow lost.  It was surreal.  I see a couple of wooden walls to get over.  There's a heavy-set woman that I catch up to, who is right at the walls.  There's also a scrawny little dude volunteer.  I look at her and go, "I'll boost you over and you boost me over?"  She shakes her head 'no'.  She's not doing the walls.  She walks right past all of them.  Oh, uhm.... ok.

 

I talk to the volunteer and ask him, "Hey can you boost me over the wall?"  He says, "Yeaaahhhhhh uh I'm not allowed to do that.  You need to have someone else help you."

 

I look behind me.  There's a lull.  Seriously NO ONE is behind me.  I try scaling a wall.  I can't do it in the slightest.  I really wish that woman wouldn't have quit: we both could have done these walls.  I eventually have to just walk around the rest of them.

 

The next thing is the rope climb.  *This* is where everyone is stuck at.  Since there's no way I can even do this one, and in addition to the walls: I have an idea - I'm going to go to the penalty box and do as many burpees as I can.  I see the rubber mats all lined up in a row with some people struggling to do knee-pushups.  I'm so angry.  I know I shouldn't judge: I mean, I'm not some sort of athelete.  But do REAL pushups.  Do REAL burpees. Even if you can only do half the amount, at least give FULL effort for the few that you do, goddamn it.

 

This anger only makes me want to do these burpees now.  I see the last thing and the finish line as I drop to the ground.

 

 

I do as many as I can.  I go until I can't remember what number I'm on.  I go until other people have come and gone with their half-assed burpess and half-assed pushups.  I go until my arms are tired and broken.  I go until my abs are screaming.  I go until I feel myself choking on the dirt plumes on the rubber mats.

 

Then I get up and walk to the end.  There's rows of punching bags in the way.  The volunteer yells, "GO STRAIGHT THROUGH! YOU DID IT!"  I stomp through, shoving all the bags out of my face.  I'm handed my medal and the tears start to rim my eyes again.  I wander because I'm looking for the free t-shirt I'm supposed to get.  I get told it's up the stairs.  As I head there, two volunteers cut my wristband that has my time listed.  I ask them what time it currently is.

 

 "Well it's a little after 1:30."

 

With no filter, I look the woman dead in the eyes and go, "I beat this in a little over an hour.  Fuck yeah." and walk off.

 

 

 

Ok... now I am crying.

 

I was terrified of doing this alone, but I did it.  I needed to prove to myself that I deserve to be called Teros.  I have to hold myself to a high standard.  I ran a Spartan Race all by myself and in about an hour, I FUCKING BEAT IT.

 

Keep in mind the mentality I had with my first post in this challenge.  I was broken. A miserable fuck, suicidal, hating everyone, getting fatter by the week, stressed, depressed, overwhelmed.  Look what I've done in ONLY THREE WEEKS.

 

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my internship.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my classes.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my food.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my exercise.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my socializing.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my goals.

 

ALL OF THEM

 

I needed to commit 100%, and put myself in a position of 'do or die' because if I didn't, I would have just had yet another shitty challenge in a long long long string of shitty challenges.

 

Related image

 

 

 

 

I'm not dying today.  I did it.  My shield:

 

Spartan2017.jpg

 

@Heidi @DarK_RaideR @ravnos  @EricMN @wildross @ChristArtist @T2sarahconnor @Terinatum @Thom Ulfhedinn

 

 

I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I ever left this place.  I'm sorry I was so overwhelmed that I just disappeared.  I'm sorry that I let myself start to slip down and fall, caught up with IRL attention from disasters and shit-shows.  I'm sorry that school consumed so much energy that I had nothing left to give on here.  But I fucking refuse to go quietly into the night.

 

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21 minutes ago, Teros said:

Keep in mind the mentality I had with my first post in this challenge.  I was broken. A miserable fuck, suicidal, hating everyone, getting fatter by the week, stressed, depressed, overwhelmed.  Look what I've done in ONLY THREE WEEKS.

 

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my internship.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my classes.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my food.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my exercise.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my socializing.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my goals.

 

ALL OF THEM

Dude, you are an amazing beast!  You totally killed that Spartan, man, I am seriously impressed.

 

Image result for 2 thumbs up gif

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27 minutes ago, Teros said:

I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I ever left this place.  I'm sorry I was so overwhelmed that I just disappeared.  I'm sorry that I let myself start to slip down and fall, caught up with IRL attention from disasters and shit-shows.  I'm sorry that school consumed so much energy that I had nothing left to give on here.  But I fucking refuse to go quietly into the night.

 

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Dude

I haven't read the whole thing (this challenge is 8 pages long)

I'm proud of you and finishing the Spartan. And so fast? And solo? That's epic level shit there.

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Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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DUDE!   Well done.  Great Job.  You are kicking the shit out of this man!  I know you have a youtube ban on but the title should do it.  You are the Firestarter, getting others fired up, yourself fired up and Burning through this.

 

 

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TANSTAAFL!   

 

What is not gained through labor is paid for in pride!

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On 11/7/2017 at 11:06 AM, Teros said:

I was terrified of doing this alone, but I did it.  I needed to prove to myself that I deserve to be called Teros.  I have to hold myself to a high standard.  I ran a Spartan Race all by myself and in about an hour, I FUCKING BEAT IT.

 

Keep in mind the mentality I had with my first post in this challenge.  I was broken. A miserable fuck, suicidal, hating everyone, getting fatter by the week, stressed, depressed, overwhelmed.  Look what I've done in ONLY THREE WEEKS.

 

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my internship.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my classes.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my food.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my exercise.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my socializing.

I'm utterly rocking the shit out of my goals.

 

ALL OF THEM

Congrats on the Spartan! You are slaying this challenge. 

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Chaotic-Neutral, Elven Bladesinger (Apprentice)

Current Stats: STR 11 || DEX 11 || CON 11 || INT 15 || WIS 16 || CHA 12

Goal Stats: STR 14 || DEX 17+ || CON 14 || INT 18+ || WIS 18+ || CHA 14

"To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily; to not dare is to lose one's self". - Søren Kierkegaard

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On 11/7/2017 at 11:32 AM, WhiteGhost said:

Dude, you are an amazing beast!  You totally killed that Spartan, man, I am seriously impressed.

 

Tyvm :)

 

On 11/7/2017 at 11:35 AM, Heidi said:

 

On 11/7/2017 at 11:06 AM, Teros said:

 

 

 

I have this song in my car and every time I hear it, I think of you.  :redface:

 

On 11/7/2017 at 1:41 PM, juliebarkley said:

Dude, now *I* am crying, too. Well done, Teros! You are amazing.

 

Thankee :)

 

I can't rest on prior accomplishments.  I need to move forward and keep doing this.

 

23 hours ago, EricMN said:

Damn proud of you, Brother.

 

I check in time to time and idk if I'll ever catch up to beast status like yourself.

 

17 hours ago, alienjenn said:

I'm proud of you and finishing the Spartan. And so fast? And solo? That's epic level shit there.

 

Ty.  I really wish that woman helped boost me over those last walls because it was literally only me and her at that obstacle.  Maybe after beating this challenge, she'll want to do better like I want to.

 

16 hours ago, GregT. said:

I know you have a youtube ban on

 

What I did was installed 'LEECHBLOCK' on Firefox.  I can set the days/times for being blocked.  If I post a link here (or you do) then I can watch the video.  However, if I click any of the other links *after* the video, it auto-directs to youtube, which then has the ban.  I lifted the ban this week so I could post some stuff; but after this weekend, I'm enabling the ban again.  Actually, since I'm able to do that; I think I'm going to post a video that would help me fall asleep:

 

 

My problem (and reason for the ban) was because I would have Youtube video binges.  With posting a link here and enacting the ban, I can see the 1 video and then that's it.  No binge.  So posting youtube videos on here is totally ok. :)

 

16 hours ago, GregT. said:

Burning through this

 

2015:

PP25.jpg

 PP26.jpg

Ashes.jpg

 

I'm trying to look at this as having gone on hiatus: I never really stopped being this person. I just needed to be reminded.  Like I had a year-long amnesia or something.

 

1 minute ago, StarlordPhoenix said:

Congrats on the Spartan! You are slaying this challenge. 

 

Thaaaaaaanks :)

-------------

November 6 Day 15 (Monday) 

 

After beating the Spartan Race, I had some chicken, tried a block of Aztec chili chocolate, took a looooooooong shower, and went to bed.  The shower in my room was handicapped: there was a separate shower head and there was also a bench...

 

You don't know how grateful I was for this fucking bench.  So many suds, and I was able to actually sit down when my legs were cramping and finish washing everything.  The shower was huge, too.  It could fit three people comfortably.  I think if there's a way to request handicapped showers, I'm doing that every time.

 

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Monday morning, I woke up fucking early and ready for breakfast.  I was SO ready for breakfast.  My sister told me that it was a pretty good buffet, but my sister eats almost nothing, so I can't take her word on any food-related stuff.  Breakfast starts at 6:30, so I waited until 6:48 (I set my alarm for this) that way I didn't seem *too* excited for breakfast.

 

Eggs.  Zaw-zige. Little potatoes. And most importantly...

 

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They had those little cartons.  The old-school ones....from school....old time.  There were 4 of them in the mini fridge.  I tried to make it look like I didn't even *care* about these mini chocolate milks.  I grabbed two, my plate of food, and sat down.  It's like liquid GOLD.  I went up to get a teeny tiny scoop of eggs.... and the other chocolate milks.

 

While Kid ShowbusinessTM and Ronald Stocks McBondsCo were enjoying their boring ass bacon, coffee, and ill-fitting suits at 7am, I was enjoying the ever-living FUCK out of my chocolate milk. Sweet sweet chocolate milk.  I realized after downing 4 chocolate milks that I should have an everything bagel.  I get up to toast it and a black guy comes from out of the back room, looks at me with my bagel, points, and goes, "You took all the chocolate milk!"

 

Yeah... yeah I fucking did.  What are you gonna do about it?  It was almost accusatory and then he gave me a fucking grin.

Related image

 

"I'll put more in the fridge!"

It was at that point, I realized he knew my plight.

 

I enjoyed my bagel and within 10 minutes, as I was going to contemplate getting a tiny cinnamon danish, there they were....

 

Four more chocolate milks.  I slyly looked behind me to make sure no one was watching.

Image result for turn around gif

  I snag two more.

 

My sister and bro-in-law come downstairs and they eat.  I'm basically all set. I have my stowed away chocolate milk.  The table waiter also points at me and mentions chocolate milk.  Jesus, these people never seen a person that really enjoys his chocolate milk?

 

I clean the room, pop some dramamine, and have the car ride back.  I took one of my vacation weeks from work because I didn't know how physically broken I would be.

 

Dramamine really fucks with me.  I get super spaced out.  I don't bother with other drugs.  I avoid taking any sort of headache medicine unless it's been at least 12 hours and there's been no improvement.  I NEVER take cold/flu medicine.  I've dealt with depression and anxiety without taking medications because the side effects are way worse.  I'll deal with 99.9% of my shit naturally.  Motion sickness is fucking terrible, so Dramamine making me feel drunk-ish is the lesser of two evils.

 

I am supposed to have class this evening, and I'm supposed to meet one of my teachers to discuss my most recent monthly reflection.  Apparently, I touched a nerve with the teacher.  Here's my October monthly reflection.  Also note: you can tell that I don't give a fuck- I'm bluntly honest with everyone, everywhere:

 

-----You can skip if you want----

''It has become apparent to me that there is a very big separation between textbook social work and real social work.  Between my classes, internship, and interactions with clients and coworkers/co-interns; I have realized there is a very big divide between what the school wants to teach us social work is and how it functions, versus the truth of the matter.  When learning about certain assessment tools and how to collect information, it comes off extremely robotic and uses tools that people in the field have admitted are never actually used.  They might be practical resources overall to understand the concept, but in everyday practice; it seems like these tools are not used.  I’ve also noticed the mindset of a lot of people is very different.  There is an ‘us versus them’ that seems to take hold.  I try to not get involved in any sort of clique but it seems inevitable.  There are people that are pro and anti for each establishment.  I hear good and bad things about PPPPP, about KKKKKK, about MMMMMMM, about IIIIIIIII, about PPPPPPPP, about The JJJJJJJJJ, etc.  I hear good and bad things about teachers, supervisors, and interns.  I also hear good and bad about clients – clients that once I was able to work with; seemed extremely responsive to me and not difficult at all.  It’s difficult to try and sort out the agenda or bias that each person has.  What baffles me is how blind most people are to it.  I don’t judge anyone right away: I always give people the benefit of the doubt, multiple times if possible.  And yet I hear rampant bad-mouthing and negativity about every agency and person at one point or another.  Maybe it’s because I’m above this drama, but I can see where the person is coming from but don’t necessarily agree with it until I have examples and proof of my own.  The biggest rift that I see is my internship/interns versus my classmates/classes.  Despite preaching not to have sex with clients, I know of a person that was in a relationship with a client years ago.  I know that despite being told to have self-care, no one that I know does it.  I have friends/interns/classmates that are having panic attacks, drinking until blacking out, and having extreme levels of apathy in their job/internship/classes.  I feel like the “school” version of social work is extremely sterilized and doesn’t capture the true mixing of biases and dilemmas that I’m witnessing in the field.  I also think that because people have the best of intentions in school, that they have rose-colored glasses before their internships start.  Once people finally get a taste of “the real world”, it doesn’t match up with their cheery optimism of saving the world.  Instead, people get overwhelmed, emotional, and because they don’t have self-awareness or take care of themselves properly, they crash and burn.  It’s disheartening to hear people that I am friends with tell me how apathetic they are in what they are doing.  I’ve been trying to keep my social worker self and my personal self fairly balanced.  I am picking up multiple projects to work on my internship placement with the XXXXX residence through xxxxx (which is overwhelming to my social work self) but I’m trying to balance it by going to the movies with a friend and doing some creative writing and mma (personal self).  The problem that I’m running into is there isn’t enough time for both.  Let’s say I have 30 hours.  If I have 24 hours of social working to do, that leaves me with 6 personal.  I know that I can’t handle only having 6 personal which leads me to feeling ‘rushed’ or worrying during my personal time.  That totally defeats the purpose since the social worker self is taking over.  I think this would be much easier if there were some simpler things going on in my personal life which add more drama.  I have a really bad attention span and I technically am supposed to have a disabilities services sheet for teachers to sign, but I honestly don’t want that to be a cop-out on certain assignments.  It would make me feel like I need a crutch when I know other people don’t have that luxury.  I know that I beat myself up and hold myself to an extremely high standard.  I know that I’m a perfectionist.  I know that I have severe depression, anxiety, adhd, and other issues: all of which I’m doing without medication.  I’ve been on medication previously and it has turned me into a zombie.  I also don’t drink any alcohol, smoke cigarettes or pot, do any drugs, and I also don’t drink anything with caffeine.  Yet everyone I interact with is abusing one or more of those things.  I’m trying to work out, batch cook my meals for the week, and stay on top of homework – but there simply isn’t enough time in the week to decompress.  The social work self is taking over the personal self.  I heard that I’m supposed to already know what I’m doing for an internship for next year and I’m still drowning in *this* year’s stuff.  I don’t know what my policy project for my learning contract is supposed to be.  When I’m allowed freedom and no restrictions, I’m able to think clearly.  The more that I am shoved inside a box, like a cog in a machine, the more I actively fight it.  It’s like my brain refuses to cooperate.  This is one of the main reasons that I have such an interest in art therapy as a healthy coping mechanism.  It allows me to express myself and be open, rather than stuck in a rigid confinement.  I see everyone around me cracking under the pressure and abusing unhealthy coping mechanisms, being overworked and underpaid; and I can see how obviously there is burnout in this profession.  When there are people that think the profession is a joke, when people have the ‘culture shock’ of textbook social work versus real world social work, having a string of failures in the profession, not getting enough training, etc; it’s easy to see why people end up quitting the profession after a couple of years and never look back. ''

  ------End Reflection---------

 

I head to class early because the meeting is before the class.  I wait.  And wait.  And wait.  An hour and a half later, I text a classmate and we were doing an *online* class this week.

Image result for ugh

 

 

And I guess the teacher didn't remember when he told me to meet on Monday at 3pm. *sigh*  I go home.  JJ wants me to hang out - I told her about the Spartan Race.  We both want to celebrate.  We have some Kahlua and I sleep over her place.

 

November 7 Day 16 (Tuesday) 

 

No sleep.

 

Please, please someone tell me to STOP sleeping over women's houses.  I don't ever sleep and it royally fucks with me.  I have a very specific sleeping pattern and people lying on my arm in spoon positions, or cranking up the heat to 800 degrees makes me restless.  Also: get better pillows.  These have no substance. 

 

Your blankets suck

Your blankets smell

You have too many blankets

 

And WHY DOES EVERYONE SLEEP NUDE?  Am I the only person in the world that wears clothes when I sleep?  The thought of any sort of grossness getting on sheets utterly disgusts me.  Like, people don't wear the same shirt multiple days in a row: why is that?  Because you accumulate sweat and overall human 'filthiness' that rubs onto your clothes.  So do you think when you get nude and under a bunch of blankets, that your personal grime doesn't rub off on your sheets?  Where is the logic in a person adamantly taking a shower and wearing new clothes every day ALSO not washing their blankets/covers every day?

Image result for philosoraptor blank

 

Instead, I wear my clothes to bed, and then shower and put on new clothes- that I will wear to bed.  This means that my filth is contained to the *current* set of clothes that I wear and will not be on the blankets.  My logic is flawless.

 

Regardless, I don't sleep.  Early morning: some Kahlua.  Big mistake.  I feel like garbage and I've barely eaten anything bad.  I decide that because I need to make cookies for a bake sale, I will taste-test those and then I'm strict right afterwards.  Saturday morning:  I'm back to 100%, no exceptions.

 

I get a message from BigFace.  It's a text message, asking me to call her back.  She needs to speak with me about something important.  I'm a little worried.  My first instinct is to think I did something wrong (although I have no idea what).  I give her a call back before I go to my evening Outreach.

 

One of my residents is dead.

 

This is the same resident that I saw before my Spartan Race, that I tried talking to and who didn't want to be bothered.  I feel like I'm hit with a brick.  This one wanted to grow peppers in the gardener's club thing.  This one was excited to do Superbowl chicken wings.  This one was very quiet and calm.  This one was also young.

 

22.  Only 22 years old.  My heart sinks as BigFace is telling me this news.  My first instinct is to drown sorrows with food.  I know that won't really do anything though. I have to just stew with this information.

 

Fast-forward a couple hours. I have my internship evening Outreach.  It's cooler out tonight: Upper 40s/Low 50s.  Windy.  A lot of rain.  I don't have a jacket: I had thrown on my gray flannel overshirt. My group talks to a couple people.  Then I meet a woman in her early 40s, shivering in a doorway.  Now, the group that I do Outreach with consists of:

-Tall Will.  He's from one agency.  They just give out socks and water.

-2 Brown University interns.  They are just there to hang out.  They don't *do* anything, really.

-Me.

 

This woman starts talking about how she's freezing to death and grabs my hands for warmth.  She sort of tucks my hand into her bundled up arms.  It's true: her hands are ice cold.  She tells me that she needs to get out of here, in a frantic manner.  The other people in the group can't do anything: it's on me, in a sense.  I ask her some questions.  I bring up the agency that I internship at.  She tells me that she was working with 'Peeka', (which is actually 'Pika', said 'pike + uh') and her caseworker quit and hasn't heard anything.  She was on a list for section 8 housing for almost 2 years now and has heard nothing.  She doesn't want to freeze on the street. She starts crying.  This?  This right after I heard of my 22 year old resident dying?  Not today.  Please, not today...

 

I get her contact information, ask where she usually hangs out, and offer to pick her up as a new client.  I tell her that I will fill out the VI-SPDAT (Vulnerability Index which assesses your barriers for housing) and see about getting all her ID and then see about filling out housing apps.  "Please call me.  Please.  Please." she says, frantically.  I'm squatting down so I can be eye-level with her (she's sitting on the 3rd stair in this doorway) and tell her that I'll talk to my supervisor and see about when I can meet with her.  I'll probably be calling her this weekend to set up a time on Tuesday.

 

I also get news of the 'Touchy' client that Will and I know being back in the hospital.  I bring up with him that considering she isn't oriented at all, she might have early onset dementia.  He perks up and starts nodding.  It makes sense.  One week she told me about 6 dead sisters.  The next time, 4 alive sisters.  She told us she was born in Massachusetts, then said she was born in Providence.  She says she has no friends and hates people, then talks to people and makes friends.  She told my supervisor that a male caseworker touched her inappropriately (she's like 60 years old) and the only male caseworkers are Will and me: and obviously we never did anything.  She thinks she's going to move to Louisiana and be on Pit-bulls&Parolees and be a reality star.  She's not there mentally.  The problem is that we can't FORCE her to get assisted living.  She has to break down and finally accept working with us and elderly care.  In the meantime, she's just suffering.

 

After all of this, Little wants me to hang out with her.  Since it's 'lax week' because of the Spartan, I head over there.  She wants to have a 'serious talk'.

Image result for oh shit

 

I get to her place and need to lose my overshirt and t-shirt because they are soaked through.  She tells me the following:  "This has never happened to me before.  I have feelings for you, but I also like the fact that I can have random sex.  I don't know what I'm doing."

 

She wants to have her cake and eat it too.  She wants a more serious relationship with me, but according to her; she wants to 'whore around'.  She explained that having sex in random hookups was 'empowering' to her.  But after that birthday party situation about two weeks ago, she isn't sure anymore.  She asks me what *I* want.

 

I wrote a minute ago that I was blunt to everyone about everything.

 

I explain that I'm looking for someone smart, caring, kind, considerate, passionate, motivated, artistic, etc.  I list off a bunch of traits.  She asks me, "No, I mean what do you want in a relationship?"

 

For the first time, in a very very very long time, I'm stunned.

 

I don't know.   I know that *type* of person I want.  I thought that's what mattered.  What should matter is the quality of the person you are with.  I figured the relationship developed from there.  I mean, if you want someone 'caring', then you expect 'caring things' to happen in the relationship.  Am I wrong in this thinking?

 

I'm thrown through a loop.  I don't know how to respond.  We talk a little bit more and she tells me that she's embarrassed about talking about these things. That's fine.  I use that to my advantage and we slowly change the subject.

 

She wants to lie down because it's pretty late. I don't even get there until after 9pm.  She puts on her little overhead projector thing.  She strips down and then hops into bed, scooting her butt against me in a little spoon embrace.  I watch the tiny stars and moons circle around the room in the dark until she flips over and nuzzles her head under my chin.  I run my fingers through her hair and I hear a little moan/purr.  We don't say anything for a while.  I feel that maybe it's time to open up more about the woman I *wish* would talk to me again.  I say the following as I pet Little:

 

"You know...you asked me what I wanted in a relationship and I don't know anymore.  I know the traits that I want.  I know the person that I want.  And I thought that I found her but she disappeared. I still try to talk to her from time to time and it pains me that she doesn't respond.  Sometimes I think about what would make me happy and most of the women that I've dealt with don't even have half of what I'm looking for.  Everyone is a disaster that is confused.  I know that when my arms are wrapped around you though, that I want to help you.  I want to protect you.  I want to make sure no one ever hurts you.  You told me the other week that you had feelings for your abusive ex, and that you were 'complicated' and confused.  Well, you're not the only one.  I'm in love with a woman that doesn't even want to talk to me.  Maybe we're all broken, just looking to find someone."

 

I kiss Little on the forehead and I hear a big exhale from her as she nuzzles closer.

 

Stars and moons spiral slowly in the room.  I have never missed someone more in my life, than I miss Lyn.

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I can only hopee1bbff53041488a172a6ace5b6e444b2.jpg

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Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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A little late, I see. 

 

But congratulations on the Spartan! And on all of your other amazing accomplishments. It's really inspiring. 

 

Other notes. I've never been able to do a single full push-up with good form. I can do them with crappy form. I've always been told it's better to do what you can well than do what you can't crappy, especially when it comes to body mechanics. So I had to go back to knee push-ups, after doing years of bad-form full push-ups.

 

I totally used the stairs all day today instead of taking the elevator, because I thought to myself that if you can do a Spartan, I can take the damn stairs. I even took the stairs while I was wearing my tool backpack. I never do that, cuz it's kinda heavy, but it was not bad.

 

I'm really very sorry about your resident.  :(  That sucks. 

 

I'm curious to see how your professor responds to your reflection essay.

 

There are several possibilities as to why one might sleep naked. Some people sleep hot, but young women usually don't. Young women usually sleep cold. Sleeping naked is also a form of flirting/foreplay/afterplay, and these women have motivation to do all of those things with you. That seems like the most likely scenario to me, especially if there are a lot of them who are doing that. Another possibility is that people who roll or toss a lot in bed (like moi) find it easier to roll and toss with less clothes on because the clothes will create friction, twist, and get tangled. (I do wear sleep clothes, but they are minimal, for that reason).  Or, maybe they just need to do laundry. Har. Some people just like being naked in general, and most people don't get much opportunity to do that in day to day life, so bed is pretty much the only chance. My money is on flirting, though. 

 

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5 hours ago, Teros said:

I feel that maybe it's time to open up more about the woman I *wish* would talk to me again. 

 

Good decision Teros.   I hope it works out, with someone.  But keeping something like that inside away from someone you might be starting a real relationship with would be just toxic.  I know you know that I know that you know you know this. 

 

The resident passing away sucks.  Especially since it looked like you were making progress.  However, starting the path to help the other woman is just how it is done man.   He passed away, and you know you had too little time for more on your plate, but immediately another person that desperately needs your help is there.  When you are ding the right thing there is no end.  If you continue in this field you are going to lose more clients, and I just hope that another is there to take advantage of your talents and compassion as quickly as this one was.  Stay Strong, the waves may wear the rock, but they only take it down to it's essence and remove the crags that allow all of the bad things to stick.

 

 

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TANSTAAFL!   

 

What is not gained through labor is paid for in pride!

STR 8/DEX 4/CON 6/INT 8/WIS 8/CHA 6

BATTLE LOG: GREG T and The Temple Of Fe

Greg T. Proclaims " To mediocrity and Beyond! 2018"

GregT MFP Food Diary

GregT's Spotify Lists

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First of all - I am so proud! I was going to come up and to the race, but it worked out with the people I was running with that we didn't. Had I realized you were going, you know I would have run with you!

 

14 hours ago, Teros said:

While Kid ShowbusinessTM and Ronald Stocks McBondsCo were enjoying their boring ass bacon, coffee, and ill-fitting suits at 7am, I was enjoying the ever-living FUCK out of my chocolate milk

 

Hey now! I answer to Goddess of the Pipeline. Thank you very much. But this is a very accurate description of mornings at the hotel.

 

14 hours ago, Teros said:

And WHY DOES EVERYONE SLEEP NUDE?  Am I the only person in the world that wears clothes when I sleep?

 

No, you are not the only person in the world that wears clothes. But I figure if I take a shower in the am, it takes care of any lingering sheet funk - so I sleep in whatever I want!

 

14 hours ago, Teros said:

I feel that maybe it's time to open up more about the woman I *wish* would talk to me again.  I say the following as I pet Little:

 

So I was just reading this thing about settling in relationships. And someone said, we all settle, because no one is perfect. What matters is that you settle on the little things, not on the big things. 

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On 11/8/2017 at 6:01 PM, Teros said:

And WHY DOES EVERYONE SLEEP NUDE?  Am I the only person in the world that wears clothes when I sleep?

 

Sleeping in clothes, for me anyway, means I wake up drowning in sweat and usually tangled up in my shirt straps so badly I've cut off circulation to one or both arms... If I sleep in nothing, or just a cheap sports bra and some shorts I wake up cool, dry, comfy and with two functional arms :P I usually deeply regret sleeping in clothes, and with my gf and I both being horrible space heaters when we sleep, adding clothes to the mix on my part = soggy bed sheets, pillows and blankets which means I need to get 4 more sets of sheets to make it until laundry day, or do laundry every single day.

 

Grats on the spartan ^_^

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Been a while since your last update.  You haven't quit on us have you?

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HUNTER OF ALL THINGS SHINY

Intro Thread    Bodyweight Exercise Library

The Arruvia Conspiracy Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 567, 89, 10 

Other Challenges: 12345, 6, 7, 89, 10, 11, 1213, 14, 15 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28Mardi Gras [Current]

Level 2 Ninja

Strength: 13 Intelligence: 14 Wisdom: 6 Dexterity:14 Constitution: 12 Charisma: 11

 

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On 11/8/2017 at 9:19 PM, alienjenn said:

I can only hope

I hope so, too.  She looked really beat and because it was the last 5% of the course, I think she wanted to get it over with.  I totally understand that feelings as I was doing burpees and looking at the damn finish line.

 

On 11/8/2017 at 10:26 PM, CallunaTook said:

I've never been able to do a single full push-up with good form. I can do them with crappy form. I've always been told it's better to do what you can well than do what you can't crappy, especially when it comes to body mechanics. So I had to go back to knee push-ups, after doing years of bad-form full push-ups.

 

Incline pushups then.  Knee push-ups do not engage your core usually and because of that, progress can be slow (or even nonexistent).  If you can lean against a wall and keep your abs tight and can manage a wall-up, then awesome.  That's all I was able to do at 360 pounds.  Once you can drop down to a lower incline (let's say a kitchen countertop or a table that won't move), then do those until you build up sets/reps.  The most important thing, I think, is staying straight and not letting your stomach/back slouch towards the ground.  It's a pain in the ass.  After a bunch of reps are built up *that* way, then lower the incline (say, a footstool or a couch).  Repeat.  Then once you have a bunch of that reps, it's only a matter of time before you can do regular pushups.

 

What happened with me, is I didn't know *how* to do proper pushup form when I first learned.  I see videos now about people with their elbows tucked in and stuff.  I didn't feel balanced at all when I did my wall-ups, so I essentially trained myself to do wide-grip pushups.

Image result for wide grip push ups

 

Pictured: not me.

 

On 11/8/2017 at 10:26 PM, CallunaTook said:

I thought to myself that if you can do a Spartan, I can take the damn stairs.

 

Thank you.  :)  Knowing stuff like that makes me want to keep moving forward.

 

On 11/8/2017 at 10:26 PM, CallunaTook said:

I'm curious to see how your professor responds to your reflection essay.

 

Yeah me too. I basically slammed the entire school of social work so for all I know, we might have a 'serious talk' about it.  Always honest.

 

On 11/8/2017 at 10:26 PM, CallunaTook said:

I'm really very sorry about your resident

 

Yeah, the funeral is soon.

 

On 11/8/2017 at 10:26 PM, CallunaTook said:

find it easier to roll and toss with less clothes on because the clothes will create friction, twist, and get tangled

 

This happens if I wear an overshirt to bed, but never has happened with shorts/t-shirt.

 

On 11/8/2017 at 11:52 PM, GregT. said:

Good decision Teros.   I hope it works out, with someone.  But keeping something like that inside away from someone you might be starting a real relationship with would be just toxic. 

 

It's how I've started most conversations when I meet a woman for the first time: I just don't go into detail.  I tend to say something like, "I'm looking for friends right now because after a lot of disasters with women, I would rather get to know someone a lot."  Then as time goes on, I will say some details.  I'm pretty up front with all of this.  I mean, I talked to a woman about a month ago and after me being that honest, she told me that she is about to have an abortion and is an emotional mess.

 

Some people appreciate honesty and others are repulsed by it and run away.  I can't choose how people react, which is why honesty is a blanket-statement for me.  Those that appreciate it will stick around and rise to the top.  Those that are put-off by it will leave.

 

Image result for macho man cream of the crop

 

On 11/8/2017 at 11:52 PM, GregT. said:

When you are doing the right thing there is no end.

 

That's fucking beautiful and true.

 

On 11/9/2017 at 2:39 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

oldschool Teros

Image result for macho man hulk hogan handshake gif

 

On 11/9/2017 at 8:19 AM, Sylvaa said:

First of all - I am so proud! I was going to come up and to the race, but it worked out with the people I was running with that we didn't. Had I realized you were going, you know I would have run with you!

 

I kept this as a secret on the down-low because I wanted to prove it to myself.  When I did the previous Spartan with people, I felt like I was slowing people down.  I also had certain parts where I couldn't physically do burpees anymore.  I feel like, although I gave it my all, that it still wasn't good enough.  So, that lead to me making the choice to do this one solo.  Other ones I plan on being more vocal about.  Speaking of, I need to look at upcoming Spartans so I can use my coupon....  ;)

 

On 11/9/2017 at 8:19 AM, Sylvaa said:

Goddess of the Pipeline

 

Image result for we're not worthy gif

 

 

Hey I know that.

 

On 11/9/2017 at 8:19 AM, Sylvaa said:

So I was just reading this thing about settling in relationships. And someone said, we all settle, because no one is perfect. What matters is that you settle on the little things, not on the big things.

 

But I feel like a broken record at this point: what the hell takes priority if 'settling' is what happens?  I mean, the whole reason I ended things with my ex was because I was settling and because I wasn't happy for so long.  If I found someone that 'righted' the 'wrongs' in that previous relationship, I still feel like it wouldn't be enough.  It's a pretty low bar to get over.

 

On 11/9/2017 at 9:52 AM, EricMN said:

Always remember you're not competing with anyone but yourself.

 

Hence why I needed to do one of these on my own, completely under the radar.  I'm still in sort of a 'Spartan High' right now where I'm more motivated to do even more.

 

14 hours ago, Leigh said:

tangled up in my shirt straps so badly I've cut off circulation to one or both arms

 

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Do you do this in your sleep? Wtf?

 

14 hours ago, Leigh said:

Grats on the spartan

:rolleyes:

 

11 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Been a while since your last update.  You haven't quit on us have you?

 

Dear God no.  This has been the best challenge I've had in well over a year.  I'm also not taking the week off between challenges.  Read on!

 

November 8 Day 17 (Wednesday) 

 

Because I took the week off of work, my days have sort of blended into each other.  This happens anytime I take a vacation.  My brain wants to have things more orderly.  The day was spent catching on sleep, going for a 5 mile walk, and doing lots and lots of chores and cleaning.  It felt good to not feel like I was rushing anywhere.  I also at one point had a short appointment with one of my supervisors about a couple of my client cases.  Nothing else to write about: I'm a mix of elation from the Spartan still, I feel awful about the resident passing, my food has been lax in celebration this week, and I've been doing catch-up.  Oh!  One thing to mention: I made cookies with Little.  My sister is friendly with a woman from a local church who brought up how there was a big bake sale on Saturday.  My sister casually mentions my cookie prowess and also how I'm looking for donations for my residency pantry.  There's a bargain:  I'll make some cookies for this church thingy and Church Lady will see about getting donations.  I made chocolate chip cookies with Little, but I used some almond extract instead of vanilla.  Subtle difference but it was good.  Little was drinking a tiny bottle of candy vodka that I made a few months ago.  She was dancing and hopping around like a kid (hence the nickname Little) and said she wanted to make more of this.  I told her that in a week or so, we'll go to a specialty candy shop and get some things to make more candy-infused drinks.

 

November 9 Day 18 (Thursday) 

 

Repeat of Wednesday, but I also had my evening class.  So, I'll be honest: I wanted to gloat.  I felt like a fucking badass because of this Spartan Race so I made sure that my Spartan shirt was worn and I also brought my medal with me: stuffing it in my backpack.  I also started wearing my new sneakers: since the previous ones were beat up and I retired them after my Spartan.  I think that's going to be a 'thing' now for me:  I get new sneakers after a Spartan race.

 

I walk into class like a Beegee.

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  And I chat with Beth.  We're talking and I say how I didn't make dinner with the residents on Sunday.  I was busy... doing THIS *puffs out chest*.  I talk to her for a couple minutes until Sabrina comes into class.  And then two other people.  I talk about what it was like.  I show off my medal, get told how impressive I am, and sit at my seat.

 

Another thing: on Spartan Sunday, I also buzzed the back and sides of my head.  I also buzzed down the beard to stubble.  I have had my hair up in a ponytail since school started.

 

Half the class is missing because of random chance: some people have other obligations, other was sick, etc.  Very odd atmosphere.  The teacher stops class after a minute, points at me and says, "Hey you changed your hair!"  I told her I buzzed it down after my Spartan race.  Her ears perk up and takes a few steps towards the middle of the room.  She wants me to talk about it.  Ok, so I *still* am an introvert: nothing is going to change that.  And in a group of 3-4, I'm fine talking; but now the entire class is looking at me while I talk about the experience.  She asks me what obstacles there were, how I did, yadda yadda.  I show her what a burpee was (for some reason most people know *of* burpees but don't remember the name).  This went on and on as she asked follow up questions.  Maybe 15 minutes of classtime.

 

The teacher said that because we are missing a bunch of people, we are going to do less of the lesson plan, and focus on the paper and do some checkins.  Beth brings up the passing our of mutual resident client.  Also, everyone brings up how they don't feel like they can express themselves in their other classes.  I'm not surprised in the slightest.  I mean, this was part of that reflection that I literally JUST wrote last week.

 

The rest of the class went fine.  We have an extension on our paper (fuck yeah).

 

We have break and because of the class bringing up grief and how people cope, I decide to talk to the teacher one-on-one.  She asks me how I'm doing.  I tell her that I'm fine and I don't understand why it's being hammered home that people need to process the information with people.  I started thinking about NF.  I told the teacher that I write more of a journal-style about what's going on, but I process a lot of it in my brain since I'm always thinking.  I don't ever switch off.

Image result for hot fuzz switch off

  I told her that I wrote a reflection about the sterilized school social work versus the real social work.  I start telling her about how I hear all about these certain "rights" groups and how in HBDO (human behavior and diversity), there is always such a focus on if a person is black or gay, but not if they lack money.  I tell her the dynamic isn't simply power dynamics of oppression based on looks our outlook, but on the fact all of these special interest groups are fighting for crumbs of money from big government.  I tell her that not working *together* with all interest groups ends up dividing us when it's supposed to be empowering us.  And I also tell her that we are being bred to have a condition of learned helplessness.

 

I might have blown her fucking mind.  The next 3 minutes was the most praise I think I've ever gotten in such a short time-span.

 

She tells me that everything I said was perfectly right, that I'm extremely smart, that the rest of the class could learn something from me and how I process things.  The rest of the class would be lucky to hear all of this information.  I'm supposed to say ALL of this in class and she wants to have a longer conversation with me.  She tells me that I would be a "gifted macro student" because I understand how all the pieces of society fit together and that I have an amazing insight.  She had such a genuine smile while talking to me about all of this.

Image result for stop it you

She keeps talking to me and then hears some noise in the room so we get distracted and go back to finish class.  After class was over, I chatted with Sabrina more.  She told me that she's upset with herself for not working out this year and she wanted to know if we could be 'workout buddies'.  She didn't want to be forceful and make me sign up to her gym, but she says, "I think it would be really fun and awesome to spend more time with you!"  :redface:

 

I ask her if she's ever done geocaching.  Turns out, she fucking loves it but no one wants to go.  Well then, it's settled. :rolleyes: During the Christmas break, we're going to figure out some sort of workout we can do together, geocache, and hang out a bunch.  I'm stupidly-excited for this.

 

  November 10 Day 19 (Friday)

 

With the youtube ban lax this week for the Spartan, I can do this!

 

 

 Friiiiiiiiiiii-day. Friiiiiiiiiiiiii-day.  These kids are 10 years old.  How are they driving!?  Anyways.

 

Since the choc chip cookies aren't enough for this huge bakesale, I had planned on doing more cookies with JJ.  With the holiday, she has today off.  Also because of the holiday, no MMA and no meetings.  So I grab all my cookie-based stuff and head to JJ's in the morning.  While there, we finish the series

 

 

Because it's time for:

 

 

So I covered Resident Evil 1, Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse, Resident Evil 3: Extinction.  Up next is Resident Evil 4: Afterlife.

 

To recap the previous 3: There was an outbreak in an underground facility for the t-virus, an airborne virus that turns people (and dogs) into zombies.  Then it spreads to the above city: Racoon City, which then has Alice (who's DNA bonded with the t-virus and made her basically Neo) and a group look for a scientist's girl before the city gets firebombed to contain the outbreak.  The firebombing doesn't help, and the tvirus goes global and kills almost everyone, creating a worldwide wasteland.  A new(ish) group finds another underground facility, kills Jora the Scientist, and blows it up.  And now, onto movie #4: Afterlife.

 

I actually started writing the next movie because I forgot this entire movie happened.  That's so telling.  I'm going back and writing this movie synopsis now.  Jesus.  I got them all muddied up.

 

Alice and a few of her Alice-clones had hunted down Cory Hart.  Cory injected her with something that removed the t-virus, thus making her 'normal' again, rather than Neo.  I should point out that is changes nothing that she does in the movie.  She's still leaping around buildings, because every human being is capable of doing standing somersault flip-kicks from 20 feet away and getting dozens of headshots with a machine gun.  What, you can't?  Well then you must suck or not be a human because that's what I do every Thursday when I go to McDonald's for a filet-o-fish sandwich with extra tar-tar sauuuuuce.

 

I'm still at large.

 

It starts off with Alice being Neo and there being bullet time.  She infiltrates Evil Co base (again) and then we realize there are multiple Alice clones that are working together to bring down this facility.  One of the henchmen says, "She in the facility" and Cory Hart just shoots him in the fucking face for no reason.

 

Alice dies and then there are three more that start running in bullet-time.  They do this move where two of them jump down an elevator shaft and have their feet tied to cables.  They are upside down, shooting dozens of henchmen in record time.  Cory Hart keeps getting mad, but not mad enough to ever take off his sunglasses.  Alice(s) start throwing little grenades, running up walls, and dodging billions of bullets.  I don't know why henchmen go down with a couple of bullet when they are all wearing SWAT gear with bulletproof vests.  Shouldn't they not be dropping like flies?

 

Cory is trying to escape on a helicopter (like most of these movies: for some reason this series has a helicopter fetish).  Alice gets on the helicopter/plane and Cory stabs Alice (I guess just one now or maybe she's the main one?  There is no explanation where these other Alices are - there was a massive facility with tons of Alice(s) in pods but I guess Alice ran out of all of her clones?)  All the other Alice(s) die or disappear. That's all the matters.  The main Alice is with Cory on the plane.  Cory stabs her in the neck with the antidote of the t-virus, thus making Neo-Alice, just plain Alice.  He says that he's infected and he's a super saiyan now.  Then because of all his chattering and stabbing, they crash into a fucking mountain.  That should have been it.  They should both be DEAD by now.

 

Now there's a fade to black.  They didn't die?  Did they get separated?  Where did each of them go?  It turns out that it's been 6 months that Alice has been on the surface, wandering and looking for people.  She is scavenging and can also drive a tiny plane.  She is looking for a place that has not been infected: a place in Alaska called 'Arcadia'.  She goes to Alaska and there's no one there.  Well, big whoop.  She also can't seem to find her original group (well everything always resets in each movie, so I'm not surprised by that).  Apparently Jill Valentine was taken and a chest spider was put on her.  It's mechanical and injects a serum that has her have amnesia.... woah ok? (Alice doesn't see any of this. The audience figures this out at some point.)

 

Alice is looking around an abandoned plane yard and finds CROWS!  Jumpscare! I almost pooped myself? No I didn't.  Alice also finds Claire Redfield that was from the group.  She has a chest spider. Alice gets it off of her and the two of them are flying by LA.  There's fires everywhere.  Who's setting off these fires?  It's been like 3 years since the whole world died, yet it's more like a cheesy dystopia.  Random skyscrapers are burning.

 

We have Alice notice a 'HELP' sign on top of a building.  A few survivors start yelling and waving.  Alice decided to basically crash her fucking plane onto the roof.  The best scene in this movie is about to happen.  Consider is the 'flame crows' scene of the previous movie.  There's a tall, jacked, bald, black guy that refuses to wear sleeves.  The plan skids on top of the rooftop and starts to tip over the edge.  Michael Jordan (because fuck his real name) decides to jump 20 FEET IN THE AIR AND SLAMDUNK THE TAIL OF THE PLANE.  This stops the plane from moving and tipping over.  He basically stops a plane with his basketball magic.

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Alice with Claire get out of the plane.  Jordan says, 'nice landing'.  Alice replies, 'Technically, it's called crashing'.

 

Here's the survivors for this movie:

-Boring Asian Man

-Michael Jordan

-Rat Face (he has a tiny thin mustache and bad hair.  He's obviously a bad guy.)

-Vague European Man

-Boring Woman

-Alice

-Claire Redfield

 

Alice says that Jordan looks familiar. I shit you not, he replies with, "You a sports fan.  You like basketball?"

 

I CALLED IT!   I CALLED HIM MICHAEL JORDAN BEFORE THIS SCENE AND HE SAYS THAT?  I'M A PROPHET!

 

The survivors ask about Arcadia.  Alice doesn't get it: LA isn't near Alaska.  Turns out there's a big cruise ship off the coast that is broadcasting a signal, calling itself Arcadia.  The premise of the movie is now: Alice + the new gang need to get onto that cruise ship.

 

While talking, they head downstairs and the group has some guy in a cell, that looks like a melty-faced version of Dean from Paranormal @Countess D'If  .  He has beady little eyes and a smartass voice.  He's in this like... Hannibal Lector enclosure with plastic breathing holes.  There was no hamster wheel for him to jog on, though.  He tells Alice that the group locked him up and that he didn't do anything wrong, but no one trusts him.  Jordan confirms: the guy is probably a killer.  How does Jordan know?  "He looks like it"

 

Don't doubt Jordan, please.

 

After flailing about for 15 minutes, Jordan tells Alice she can take a shower.

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She puts the water on and then the tile floors start breaking.  There's zombies that have tentacles in their mouths.  Idk why.  Alice shoots them in the face instead of getting nekkid.

 

 

Suddenly, a Cave Troll appears.  He's like a 15 foot mega zombie that has a burlap sack on his head, and it has a half sledgehammer-half axe.  This creature is my hero. Please kill everyone.

 

He starts smacking at a gate outside.  Alice says there's no way to get out to the cruise ship unless they let out Hannibal/Dean/McSquintyFace.  They let him out.  Turns out his name is Chris Redfield (brother to spider-chest woman who was in the plane with Alice on the way here). Family reunited.  AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

 

What a pointless coincidence.  95% of the world is dead but bro and did are reunited in this tiny shitty building.

 

So Dean-Hannibal-Redfield says he knows where to go:  there's a garage with a massive tank thing with tons of guns and a water cannon.  Why the group never, you know, LOOK anywhere where they were stranded is beyond me.  Maybe *everyone* secretly has amnesia chest spiders because they're all so frigging stupid.

 

Meanwhile, Burlap Buddy is hammering the gate.  There's supposed to be a location for lots of guns that Dean-Hannibal Redfield knows about.  Alice and Chris go swim downstairs (bottom level is flooded) and then go to the armory, getting GUNZ.

 

Simultaneously, the rest of the crew looks for the tank.  There's no engine in it.  Waste of time.  European Man asks, 'What do we do now?'  Rat Face then shoots his head off.  Needless, but we need drama.  Asian Man and Rat Face go back to the plane.  They're going to try to fly it to the cruise ship.  Asian man backs down as the Alice+Chris meet them all on the rooftop (yeah it really is this convoluted).  Rat Face goes solo and flies the plane to the ship.

 

Zombies break the gate.

 

SLOW MO

ZOMBIE DEATH

ZOMBIES WALKING UPSTAIRS AT A SLIGHTLY BRISK PACE

RUNNING AND GUNNING

 

Alice then does the unthinkable.  The crew need to get off the roof and to the bottom floor.  Everyone but Alice gets in the elevator.  The electricity doesn't work. Alice throws a grenade and that blows up the elevator wire.  They go screaming down 200 floors and land perfectly safely at the bottom.  Alice grabs a rope and jumps off the roof and swings down to the first floor, meeting the elevator there.

 

I thought that she was injected with the antidote and that she wasn't Neo anymore?

 

At the bottom floor, there is an underground tunnel thing in the bathroom/showers.  They go down there.  Alice tells Asian Man to hop down the hole.  He doesn't want to.  If Glenn from TWD is any indication, Asians and tunnels don't go too well.

Image result for glenn walking dead well

 

While Asian Man is hesitant, he instead gets CLEAVED IN HALF by Burlap buddy!

 

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Pictured: Me watching a man get cut in half.

 

-insert generic rock music-

 

Burlap Boy smashes a water pipe.  Water is raining everywhere.  It's time for Claire Redfield to shine.  Burlap Boy breaks a urinal with one swipe of his mighty axe-sledge.  Claire does a 20 foot high spinning heel kick to his face.  He swings and misses a lot.  Then Claire grabs a shotgun filled with coins (right, I didn't mention that Alice had a bag of fucking coins that she put into the shotguns.  When you run out of bullets, use tokens from Chuck-E-Cheese instead.)

 

Burlap Boy gets his head blown off. :(  and coins go everywhere.  Anticlimactic.

 

Let's go in the tunnels.

 

Jordan found a storm drain.  They end up in another building.  It's super vague and probably on purpose.  They find a boat (offscreen) and drive to the cruise ship.

 

It looks abandoned.  They find Alice's plane that Rat Face stole.  A computer on the ship has that cruise ship Arcadia broadcast, lifeboats are gone, and there are 2 thousand crew members....somewhere around here.  They go downstairs.  Well look: it's an Evil Co cruise ship.  Surprised? Me neither.

 

There's a flashback that shows Clair and others getting Amnesia spiders put on them.  They open the door and it's a big white lab.  They press some buttons and they see a clear plastic pod with 'K-Mart' inside.  Yeah, a woman in the previous group was named 'K-Mart'.  There's actually dumb shit that I FORGOT.

 

Looking around the glass pods, we see Cory Hart sitting on a glass throne.  He has 2 zombie dogs (their faces are split sideways just to be creepy).  He narrates like any good villain does.

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Cory says he's super powerful.   Alice is about to shoot Cory but Rat Face appears with a gun!  Cory tells Alice to drop her guns.  Alice says something stupid but then Rat Face's reply is pure liquid GOLD.  Ready?  I rewound the dvd to check and copy this verbatim:

 

Rat Face - "Yeah I'm looking forward to playing with your pretty faaaaaaaaaace."

 

Masterful dialogue. 

 

As I'm reeling from this, Cory tells his new plan.  The t-virus brought Cory back from the dead, but he can't 'control' it like Alice can.  Since Alice bonded with the t-virus, his new plan (verbatim) is:

 

Cory:  "If I ingest you, I gain control."

 

WAT.

 

I need to pause it because I miss the reply to THIS which is even better.

 

Alice:  "There's only one problem with that....I'm not on the menu."

 

Image result for clapping gif

 

Fight time.

 

Zombie dogs Versus Alice while Cory fights Redfield Bro+Sis.

 

Cory then does the most controversial thing in this series:  He takes his glasses off, his eye turn red, he throws the glasses, then teleport-punches the kids, then catches his glasses to put them back on.  Dear god, I saw him without glasses for 4 seconds.

 

He has teleporting abilities and the amazing power of backflips being able to negate bullets.

 

Meanwhile a bunch of glass breaks off the ceiling in slo-mo, in massive chunks.  At this point, I was wide awake from the dialogue.  I literally sat up out of bed and started yelling at the screen:

 

"KICK THE GLASS!  KICK THE GLASS!"  I was having flashbacks to Daredevil and my brain instantly thought of the worst thing to happen next.  "KICK THE GLASS!"

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A dog starts charging Alice.  Oh boy oh boy....

 

Glass shards are falling.  C'mon c'mon...

 

Alice lifts a leg and does a push-kick to a massive glass panel.  I nearly lost my shit when it sliced the dog in half.

Image result for success kid

 

Somehow the Redfields get thrown into those stupid pods and disappear.  It's now Cory Hart vs Alice.  No more Wonderland games, Alice.  They have their final battle of ultimate destiny.

 

Cory gets shot in the face with the shotgun-filled-with-coins.  Over and over.  Wow boring.  Alice opens the pods for K-Mart and all the other people.  There was pods of the 2thousdand people on the cruise ship.  They are all free- and are all wearing white clothes.  It looks like a cult, to be honest.

 

Cory magically heals his shotgun mouthwash, runs away, and gets on a helicopter... AGAIN.  Alice and the others go outside to see him fly away...and explode.  Alice put a bomb on the helicopter.  How?  When?  Why? WTF.

 

The last scene is Alice and 2 thousand of Heaven's Gate standing like fucktards on top of the ship.  Cut to Jill Valentine with a chest spider in a helicopter, heading to the cruiseship, talking to soldiers, telling them to kill everyone.  The movie ends with more helicopters coming towards the cruise ship.

 

 

Film 5: Retribution

Important to note that this movie was filmed in:

 

3D

So the action is fucking you RIGHT IN THE FACE.

 

All of these bullets and running around and kicking things are now using Avatar's special 3d cameras for nonstop action.  That's what we need in a horror franchise....lots and lots of action.

Image result for resident evil retribution

 

This movie picks up 20 seconds after the last one: helicopters massacre the Heaven's Gate Cult on the cruiseship.  Alice falls in the water.  Fade to black.  Alice wakes up in another facility and being interrogated by Jill Valentine, who has a chest-spider on her which gives her amnesia/brainwashed.  Jill makes an irritating noise while Alice is locked up, asking things like, 'Do you work for Evil Co?' or "Is my hairstyle better than yours?"  When Alice gives the wrong response, loud annoying noises blare.

 

 

 The lights go out.  Massive power outage and a single drawer opens up in this Alice-Chamber.  It has her usual fetish gear that she slaps on.

 

Image result for resident evil retribution
 

Needs more buckles.  And she also needs a booty.

 

The power comes back on as Alice does her usual little fighting.  We're treated to a twist.  Another one in the series!

 

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  "Delicious" - M Night Shamma-Damms

 

Ada Wong (Asian woman in a red dress that's fairly attractive) and Cory Hart (sunglasses at night) have defected from Evil Co!  The reason?  The Red Queen (The little girl A.I. from the previous movies) wants Alice and everyone else dead.

 

...but why?

 

Who cares about WHY?  When does WHY in a story matter? What matters is Emergerd zermberz!

Image result for zombies resident evil

 

I don't think it's ever explained *why* they have these venus flytrap-ish mouths that come out of their normal mouths (like a shitty version of Alien).  Alice says the cliche 'why should I trust you'? trope.  Because there's no other choice.  OMG, long-time enemies need to work together and friends? 

 

 

I did NOT see this coming!  A sliding door opens and it shows a glass wall: it turns out this base is underwater and in Russia.  Cory says he has a team coming to help out Alice.  In the meantime, it's Alice & Ada as new BFFs. 

 

 

BFF Jill? NO, she has an AMNESIA CHEST SPIDER,

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While running around, the A Team (Get it? Ada and Alice?)  are in Japan.  Zombie outbreak.  Then they are in China (in a new room) and Moscow, and other places.  The storyline is a follows:

 

Evil Co created these underground 'dummy' locations to simulate an outbreak in China, Russia, etc.  They then would populate these locations with CLONES, IMPRINT THE CLONES WITH FAKE MEMORIES, then KILL THEM ALL, and then show this footage to rival countries.  Show this to Russia and say, "Hey, you can use this on America. See?"  Show it to America and say, "Hey, you can use this on Russia. See?"  Repeat with each country.  It created a weapon arms-race, and Evil Co raked in billions of money.

 

"Um.... hello?"

*raises hand*

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"Hi, I'm the average audience member.  I have some questions.  But Teros, if the outbreak killed 95% of the population, then why does is matter if Evil Co has all the world's money?  I mean...everyone's dead."

Image result for silence!

 

Shut up.

 

"But Teros, isn't the cost-effectiveness of this really stupid, too?  I mean couldn't Evil Co just make a new race of subservient anti-zombie people and imprint memories of Cory Hart being their god and them having Sunglasses at Night as their official patriotic national anthem?  Why go through the trouble of growing thousands of lives from scratch, giving them memories, then killing them so they could have countries give them money...which then they all died anyways?"

 
Stahp.
 

  "But Teros, it gets more convoluted.  Why is the Red Queen/Girl A.I. wanting to kill Alice?  Isn't Alice the only human that bonded with the t-virus?  Shouldn't that make her unique and worthy of study?  That would mean they shouldn't kill her at all.  She should be captured if they want to use her DNA to make zombie-resistant people.  Also, how the hell does Cory Hart inject Alice with an antidote if it's an airborne virus?  Couldn't she just breathe and then get reinfected?  It's like if you get a cold and then heal up, but then another person with a different strain coughs on you: you get sick again.  If the whole world has this mutation of the virus than isn't making an antidote impossible?  And also, how are other random people not infected? Like each of the groups that Alice works with in each movie?"

 

NO MORE LOGIC!  Silencio, por favor!

 

Leon, Michael Jordan, and some asshole in a Red Jacket are the 'taskforce' that are coming to help the A-Team.  They are on the surface of Russia and they plant a bomb that will go off in two hours.  No matter what, everything will explode.  They need to find the A-Team and leave.  A timer?  Just one more way to make this more suspenseful.

 

While running through other location-scenarios, Alice finds a little girl that thinks Alice is her mom. Why? Because Alice was a clone too.  Turns out this kid's mom was an Alice clone that died.  Ignoring the fetish gear that her new mom has, the A-Team + Girl continue with Cory Hart's little head-set instructions.  Ada also has a red thing in her boots.  She gives it to Alice.  It's a pair of red sunglasses.  And they give the location for where to go...

 

Then there's a gunfight and Ada and Alice get split up.  We are supposed to assume that Ada dies, but that's dumb to think that.  Alice + Girl meet up with the 'Taskforce'.  It's now:

-Michael Jordan

-Red Jacket

-Leon

-Headset Cory Hart

-Alice

-Girl

 

Versus:

-Jill Valentine (plus chest spider)

-The Red Queen (AI)

-Latina Woman with MachineGun

-Thugs with guns

 

Oh, also a giant monster with a long tongue makes a special guest appearance during this shitshow.  It chases the 'taskforce' at one point while they are driving a car.  This facility must be hundreds of miles wide.

 

Long-Tongue Monster scoops up Girl and runs away.  Alice chases after her.  Michael Jordan says, "I'm coming with you" then gets shot in the leg 2.5 seconds later and then can't go with her.

 

Red Jacket Asshole gets gunned down.  Alice finds the Tongue Monster and shoots it in the brain a lot until it dies.  Expect backflips as well.

 

There are these greasy sack-pods that Alice opens up and Girl is inside.  Alice opens the next pod and it's a soldier with some explosives.

 

Image result for michael bay

 

"Explosives, thank god.  We didn't have enough of those."  -Michael Bay

 

Alice and Girl get back with the 'taskforce' and then ride an elevator back up to the surface.  While this happens, the brand-new explosives Alice has get used, a glass window breaks, and trillions of gallons of Russian ice sea water flood in.  On the surface, the group gets in a car and speeds off in the snow.  Until....

 

Image result for absolut vodka

Pictured: Russian Ice Water

 

A submarine breaks through the ice.  It's Jill Valentine (with chest spider) and she has Ada Wong, and Latina with MachineGun is there, too.  Oh man, you know what time it is?

 

Final battle of the movie.

 

Latina grabs a vial and injects herself WITH A PARASITE.  And this parasite gives her superhuman t-virus strength.

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  "But I thought the virus was air-"

 

SHUT UP.  IT'S NOW A BUG THAT YOU STAB INTO YOUR NECK.  ALSO, ANYONE CAN BECOME SUPER SAIYAN!

We have 2 simultaneous fights:

 

Alice Versus Jill Valentine (with chest spider)  and Leon & Michael Jordan Versus Latina (with injected bug).

 

Alice has cool duo ice-pick things.  Jill (with chest spider) has a big stick, like Darth Maul.

 

Latina has the power of punching things.  Jordan and Leon have the non-power of guns.  They shoot her in the face and she pushes the bullets out of her fingertips, cracks her knuckles, and then start punching these two dudes in the chest a lot.  At this point, two things happen:

 

1) The movie rips off some Inception music.

2) The movie rips off Mortal Kombat x-ray vision.

Image result for mortal kombat x-ray

 

Jill (with chest spider) almost kills Alice but then Alice moves the chest spider.  She shoots it and it breaks.  Now, it's Jill (withOUT chest spider) and she's not evil anymore.  Latina breaks Leon's ribcage and then totally 5-finger death-punches Michael Jordan and he dies.  NO!  Michael Jordan!

 

 

Alice shoots at Latina.  Then she shoots at the ice.  Latina falls into the water and gets chewed to death by underwater zombies.  They were floating around.

 

No zombie sharks?  You had zombie crows and zombie dogs, but no zombie sharks?  0.5/10 for this movie now.

 

The last scene is mind-fuckingly baffling because the next scene is at the whitehouse.

 

Cory Hart is now, like, president in the oval office, which is where the last of humanity is.  Cory does a Matrix doge and stabs Alice in the neck, saying that she is RE-infected.  Cory needs her to be powerful again so she can kill all the zombies, everywhere.  It zooms out of the whitehouse with people on top of giant walls, using flamethrowers and rockets being shot at millions of zombies.  There's also big flying mutant zombie dragons...because why not?

Image result for wat

 

 

Exhausted.  One movie left.

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7 hours ago, Teros said:

She tells me that everything I said was perfectly right, that I'm extremely smart, that the rest of the class could learn something from me and how I process things.  The rest of the class would be lucky to hear all of this information.  I'm supposed to say ALL of this in class and she wants to have a longer conversation with me.  She tells me that I would be a "gifted macro student" because I understand how all the pieces of society fit together and that I have an amazing insight.  She had such a genuine smile while talking to me about all of this.

You clearly have a real talent for this. 

 

And way to go on rocking this challenge :) 

  • Like 2
HUNTER OF ALL THINGS SHINY

Intro Thread    Bodyweight Exercise Library

The Arruvia Conspiracy Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 567, 89, 10 

Other Challenges: 12345, 6, 7, 89, 10, 11, 1213, 14, 15 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28Mardi Gras [Current]

Level 2 Ninja

Strength: 13 Intelligence: 14 Wisdom: 6 Dexterity:14 Constitution: 12 Charisma: 11

 

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23 hours ago, Teros said:

Do you do this in your sleep? Wtf?

 

More or less yeah... I also have full on conversations with people and either beat the crap out of my bed partner or snuggle them so hard they wish to murder me before they die of heat stroke from the furnace that is I :P but yeah, rolling around in the same direction over and over again will twist a tank top up pretty badly. I had to literally yell until someone came to help me out of bed when I was a teenager, think it was one of the people who lived next door. I couldn't get up because my blanket had bound up my legs and both arms were completely asleep... >_> Scared the hell out of me and the lady from next door...

 

Also your reviews/impressions/what have you about the RE series are awesome :D I giggled a lot reading those posts.

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On 11/12/2017 at 2:17 PM, Teros said:

Incline pushups then.  Knee push-ups do not engage your core usually and because of that, progress can be slow (or even nonexistent).  If you can lean against a wall and keep your abs tight and can manage a wall-up, then awesome.  That's all I was able to do at 360 pounds.  Once you can drop down to a lower incline (let's say a kitchen countertop or a table that won't move), then do those until you build up sets/reps.  The most important thing, I think, is staying straight and not letting your stomach/back slouch towards the ground.  It's a pain in the ass.  After a bunch of reps are built up *that* way, then lower the incline (say, a footstool or a couch).  Repeat.  Then once you have a bunch of that reps, it's only a matter of time before you can do regular pushups.

 

What happened with me, is I didn't know *how* to do proper pushup form when I first learned.  I see videos now about people with their elbows tucked in and stuff.  I didn't feel balanced at all when I did my wall-ups, so I essentially trained myself to do wide-grip pushups.

 

You are right! I didn't feel like I was getting as much out of the knee push-ups. It was so frustrating. When I almost could do push-ups (but thought I was doing them) I was also doing them with my hands wide. So between going to my knees and moving my hands next to my torso, it was a huge (annoying, little-progress-made) challenge. I will try the way you suggest. Thanks! 

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On 11/12/2017 at 9:28 PM, Grumble said:

I feel like they could do a resident evil sexy fan fiction called Of Buckles and Booty.

  &

Image result for alice resident evil cosplay

 

If they can have a Game Of Thrones porno, and a shitty Twilight fanfiction can become it's own multi-million dollar franchise (50 Shades of Grey), then your idea is well within reason.

 

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--

 

On 11/12/2017 at 10:35 PM, WhiteGhost said:

You clearly have a real talent for this. 

 

And way to go on rocking this challenge

 

Thank you.  I don't feel like I am right now (next post)  but overall, this challenge has been fucking amazeballs.

 

On 11/13/2017 at 3:15 PM, Leigh said:

I also have full on conversations with people

 

Apparently *I* do this as well.

 

On 11/13/2017 at 3:15 PM, Leigh said:

snuggle them so hard they wish to murder me

 

Lol, ok.  Sure.

 

On 11/13/2017 at 3:15 PM, Leigh said:

my blanket had bound up my legs and both arms were completely asleep... >_>

 

So you...burrito'd yourself?

 

On 11/13/2017 at 3:15 PM, Leigh said:

Also your reviews/impressions/what have you about the RE series are awesome :D I giggled a lot reading those posts

 

Well good, because the final movie is coming up in a minute.

 

On 11/13/2017 at 5:26 PM, CallunaTook said:

So between going to my knees and moving my hands next to my torso, it was a huge (annoying, little-progress-made) challenge. I will try the way you suggest. Thanks! 

 

No problemo :)

 

--------

 

It's Resident Evil: The Final Chapter time.

Image result for are we done yet

 

Almost, Mr Cube.  Almost.

 

So it's the FINAL CHAPTER of this shitshow movie series.  I'm ready to watch the final movie and see how long the recap of the previous movies are.  Each movie seemed to increase the time as they tried to cover their convoluted tracks.  But this one hits a new low.

 

The recap at the start undoes like 83% of the previous movies.  You can tell what the storylines are in my write-ups.  However in The Final Chapter, roughly 3 of the movie's content was totally fucking erased, and chunks of the other ones were omitted or twisted.  This could have been a stand-alone movie with how badly they butchered the retconning.

 

 

Classic Diablo 1 Butcher.  Fucking love that game.  A true gem.

 

So here's what the Final Chapter un-does:  The second movie with the dad that needs his daughter rescued?  NOPE.  Instead, the Final movie tells us that Jora was the co-creator of Evil Co.  The daughter had progeria (again- no) and the dad created the t-virus which un-progeria..ed her?  Jora then murders the dad and becomes the daughter's caretaker.  She owns half the company and Jora owns the other half.

 

Sidenote:  How this is done is fucking HILARIOUS.  I'll paint the scene:

 

Imagine a nice fancy apartment with a brand new co-creator of Evil Co and Jora hanging out in the living room.  The daughter is in her bedroom or taking a shit.  I don't know.  Jora and NewGuy are talking.  NewGuy says that the t-virus is not safe.  Jora then motions to a dude that puts a plastic bag over NewGuy's head and suffocates him to death.

1) Poke a hole into the bag so you can breath, you fucknut.  Your mouth is open, just use your thumb and poke your mouth.  How hard is it to rip a grocery bag?  I checked, for science.

It's easy.

2) The NewGuy dies via asphyxiation within 5 seconds.  Omg my god, he must have teeny tiny little mouse lungs.  I know women can sit on me for like 45ish seconds before it becomes an issue, so I must have GOD LUNGS compared to NewGuy.

Image result for house md lungs

  House M.D. admiring my God Lungs.

 

3) The daughter comes out of the bathroom and Jora tells her that it's fine, they just had a little chat, and to leave.

 

Uhm....she sees her fucking dead dad sitting across the table, with a hitman there, right?  They didn't move at all.  This should all be within her line of sight!  What kid believes that any of this is fine?  Don't worry, child.  Jora and your Pappy are just playing that old school kid's game: cops and robbers victims.

 

The new premise is that Jora can't kill the kid (why?), but he will be the kid's caretaker so he will *technically* be in full control of Evil Co. (With this storyline, how Cory Hart gets involved beats me, but let's continue.)

 

Also in this new timeline, a random child was near the cured daughter and he dropped to the ground and became a zombie instantly (while they were all in a forklift ski-elevator thingy).  Why only this kid?  Why didn't Jora get infected?  Why didn't the other people in that elevator get infected?  Why not when she went to school or went food shopping or did anything that a child does that has them interact with the human race? 

 

Nahhhh, ignore all that.  Then the Outbreak in the first movie happens.  The 2nd movie didn't really happen because of this daughter/dad recap.  There's also no mention of Mr Derps/Nemesis (I'm sorry, you've been erased from the fucking lore). 

Image result for resident evil nemesis movie

 

Also no mention of any Alice testing of blood.  The only info from Resident Evil 2 is that Racoon City was bombed and it didn't stop the infection.  The virus was spread worldwide within days.  Then everyone makes a last stand at Washington (wait THAT part is true out of all of this shit?!)

 

Un-does the 2nd movie

Ignores the 3rd movie with Alice blowing crows

Image result for counting crows singer

  "She coulda blown me.  I've been looking for a girl like heerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" - Adam Duritz

 

 

Movie 4 was all at a prison and trying to get to the ship: ignored. 

And then the latest movie (5) is ignored except the bizarre last 3 minutes when Cory is El Presidente and there is a final stand.

 

But wait, even that little bit that was salvaged gets fucked up!   Alice says during this recap, 'But we didn't realize what we walked into was a trap' regarding Washington D.C.  Wait, going to Washington DC was a trap?  How? When? Trap by who?  If humanity had it's last stand in dc, then shouldn't everyone be dead?

 

Now that I am properly confused, it's time to start the movie.

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-Movie Starts-

 

Alice is all alone, again.  How, I don't know.  She is wandering in the wasteland and there's a flying dragon zombie.  Kind of looks like a mutalisk from old Starcraft.

Image result for mutalisk

 

This flying zombie dragon was in a building.  Alice startles it and runs away and the zombie dragon breaks out of the building and chases her.

 

Wait

 

ALREADY this is the first scene and it doesn't make sense.  How the fuck did a massive dragon zombie get INSIDE a building anyway? And then it was sleeping?  Under junk? 

 

Zombie Dragon tries to kill her.  Action sequence where Alice boosts a car and drives away, then they play chicken and she crashes the car into the zombie dragon, pinning it to another car.  She looks in the back seat.  You know what's there?

Image result for michael bay

"I have an idea" - Michael Bay

 

You're goddamn right: explosions.  What the hell else would be in every single vehicle and on every person.  This is less accurate than a videogame.  At least when there is loot from killing stuff in a game, it's not always the same thing there.

 

Then Alice hears an old dot matrix printer in a nearby abandoned building.  It types "HELLO ALICE HELLO ALICE HELLO ALICE" over and over.  It's the Red Queen (aka little girl A.I.)

 

The Red Queen says that there are 4 thousand people left in the world.  Somehow she, like, used satellites and did a headcount?  Red Queen says she wants Alice to stop her.  Huh?  The Red Queen wants Alice to stop the Red Queen's programming.

 

The Red Queen says that there's an antidote for the t-virus and it's been around this whole time.  However, in 48 hours, at the original facility under Racoon City, there is...something...that will kill....the last 4 thousand people?  Even with massively chopping MOST of the movie series out of the picture, this still doesn't make sense.  Why in 48 hours?  Why at that location?  How will the 4 thousand people dispersed around the world die?  What's the bad guy's plan here that needs stopping?

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Red Queen says that Cory lured everyone to DC and pretended to give Alice her powers back with the injection from the last movie.

 

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"Was that another airborne thing or was that a parasite?"

 

STAHP

 

But now, today, something is going to happen in 48 hours to kill the last 4 thousand people.  Red Queen wont say WHY she is helping or give any direction.  Aha!  A mystery!  Like Clue.  I'm sure there will be a perfectly understandable and reasonable reason as to why the Red queen is going to omit this info.  You have complete trust in this movie series that it won't be a disappointing pile of diarrhea, right?

 

So now it's a race against time!  The Red Queen even fucks with Alice's watch and puts a 48-hour countdown timer.  That means that in 2 days, at, idk...maybe 4:51pm, the plan to kill 4 thousand people will happen?

 

Alice starts heading to Racoon City, where it all began.  On the road, Alice gets caught by some Evil Co thugs.  Needless to say, she kills them all with kickflips and guns. 

Image result for resident evil final tank

 

She tries to hop on a bike but it requires a thumbprint.  She presses it and gets electrocuted.

 

 

When Alice wakes up, she's inside a fucking army tank thing, chained up.  Guess who's in the tank? 

 

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JORA.  Although he died via lasers a couple movies ago, it turns out that was a Jora clone.  This one in the tank is the *real* Jora.  He apparently had a spare Jora.  Jora is driving the whole facility/army tank.  In this tank are a bunch of assholes that are chained up and look like prisoners.  Jora says that Alice's 'sisters' were a lot of trouble.  Then Jora opens a sliding door full of Alice clone heads.

 

So...he had a tiny meat locker/fridge installed in his Fun Tank just for this occasion?  Or was he doing something else with them?

 

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Jora says to the chained up people (I quote), "She's an unbeliever!  What do we do with unbelievers!?"  The dirty chained up people tell 'Cast her out! Cast her out!"  How come these dirty hobos are on Jora's side?  What the fuck are they doing tied up in a tank?

 

Alice then gets her hands tied and a rope tied around her, then thrown outside of the tank. 

 

I guess you could say that this is Alice.... In Chains.

Image result for alice in chains

 

 

*reaches hand to back*  Good job, Me.

 

 

She is tethered to the tank so she has to keep running, but the tank is going like 4 miles per hour so a brisk jog is fine. Or 6.43738 kmh for my non-American friends. Or 3.4759 knots for my nautical friends.

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As Alice is doing her light jogging, zombies on the road start seeing her as a tasty snack and start hobble-chasing after her.  They all are going at the very convenient exact same speed as her jogging. Meanwhile, Jora calls up Cory Hart and says, "Your plan at DC failed.  I hope there aren't other loose ends."

 

1) What other loose ends?  It's ONE woman with no powers, in the entire world.

2) What was the plan in DC anyways!?  How did the start of this movie transition from the end of the last movie!?  I DON'T GET IT.

 

What is this betrayal?  They don't explain.  They have the last movie with Cory Hart in DC and there being a final stand.  10 minutes after that movie ends...what is happening?  What did Cory do or not do?  Was the injection re-infecting Alice or curing her?  Was the plan for Cory Hart to kill Alice in DC?  Why didn't he just stab her in the fucking neck with a knife?  Why didn't he just shoot her in the head?  Why didn't he matrix dodge and beat her to death with a shovel?  Why are all the other Alice heads in a big ole fridge in Jora's personal spank bank but Cory couldn't walk up to and murder a woman with no superpowers in a place where she had no friends and surrounded by millions of zombies?  How did this just get ignored entirely?  How did she escape from DC?

 

Image result for escape from ny

 

*sigh*

Alice is able to run faster than 4 mph and hides along the back-end of the tank.  I won't even make a big deal about the dimensions of the tank because although it looks like a normal sized one in exterior shots, it's apparently fitting a dozen soldiers, dozen prisoners, and Jora's medical station there.  A guard gets out of the tank and is on the top/roof of the tank, looking for Alice.  She flings her legs up in a Sonya Blade movie and throws him off the tank to be eaten by zombooz.

Image result for sonya blade leg grab

 

 

Jora hears the noise and comes up to the top of the tank.  He grabs a knife and the 2 of them have a little fight.  She presses *something* and a motorcycle is dispatched on the side of the tank.  Jora laughs and says she can't use it because of fingerprints.

 

So she cuts his hand off, hops on the bike, and uses Jora's fingerprints.

Related image

  "Now I know how the Kingslayer feels" - Jora

 

Alice starts speeding FORWARD.  Let's think about this.  She's on a motorcycle and she wants to drive in front of a heavily armored tank?  Yep.  That's action for ya.  Cue the explosions.  She evades all the shots that the Asian Gunner is shooting at her.  He has terrible aim.  It's a fucking tank with rockets for god's sake.

 

Eventually, Alice gets to Racoon City. She's there way faster than the tank because of the whole 4 mile per hour thing.  Also, that tank has the zombie horde following it.  Alice sees a little light shimmer up on a tower and then gets hit with a swinging pipe.  It's a Home Alone-esk trap of a pipe that swings down and knocks her off the bike.  She is taken in by a group of non-infected (how are they not infected?) people.... and Claire Redfield.

 

Remember how 83% of the movie was cut?  Remember how BOMBING THE CITY was one of the few things that was *not* cut?  So why is there a fucking civilization living in a tower in Racoon City?

 

Claire says in a throwaway line that she was in a helicopter and crashed here at Racoon City.  Everyone crashes in helicopters.

 

Everything about this movie is just...

 

 

Alice warns her new group that Jora is coming with tanks (plural. I didn't see another one but hey, let's add more) and the zombie horde.  Jora has been after them.  He is?  I thought he was bringing Alice to Racoon facility base?  His plan was to kill this group of people in Racoon City with the zombies and he just happened to see an electrocuted Alice by the side of the road?  How convenient.  Is that the plan that is going to happen in 48 hours?

Related image

 

Alice thinks that there is a spy in the group.  The reason? She saw that glimmer of light before she was hit by a pipe so obviously there's a new Rat-Face here.  The movie cuts to Jora and Cory talking about how an 'informant' told him that Alice is with the group.  Jora yells at his tank operators "explosive rounds! no survivors."  Oh, also a random guard give Jora something to drink, says something, and Jora kills him with the knife.  Oh... ok.  Cool?

 

The group sees the tanks and the zombie horde.  Its nighttime, although in the previous scene it was day and Jora said they would be in Racoon City within an hour.  Nevermind continuity.  C'mon, your standards are way too high for this series if you expect cohesion and plot.

 

While we have zombie horde + tanks vs survivors in a fucking dilapidated tower + Alice battle, Jora has the brilliant strategy to throw a woman prisoner out of the tank and run to the group's base.  Alice yells to open the gate. 

 

Wait.  Isn't this one of the people that less than 2 hours ago said Alice was a nonbeliever and should be killed?

 

The group opens the drawbridge and start launching barrels that are on fire.  Then Jora shoots the prisoner woman and she died.  And he smiles.  The group tries to close the gate but some zombeez get in and they bite a cute girl with no name.

 

Then the group stabs a bunch of gas barrels and set them on fire and bathe the whole ground with fire.  So much fire.  Alice jumps on a zip-line and flies down 80 stories or so.  Alice starts shotgunning zombies and running towards the tank.  She pours in some gas and throws a flare inside.  Blows up the Jora tank.  And yet no one in the tank dies because...

 

...Asian Gunner that couldn't hit a fucking barn earlier gets out of the tank.  And he knows martial arts.  Because ALL Asians know martial arts in the world of cinema.  Hand to hand battle with Alice.  Asian man's future:

Related image

 

There's also 2 more armies of the undead that are hobbling to racoon city.  Alice tells the group they need to get to the underground facility ASAP.

 

Cory tells the Red Queen to 'unleash Cerebus".  Oh, this better be good.  This needs to be better than Burlap Boy.  Please.

 

Instead, a bunch of fat mutant dogs are running around outside and start attacking the group as they make their way to the facility.  Once at the tunnels to head down, the zombe dogs back off. Cory has the facility sealed.  The group sees the red queen.  Oh, it's time for an explanation.  Ready?

 

Red Queen says that there was a secret meeting where Evil co was having a plan to kill 99% of everyone and 'reboot' the world.  The red queen can't kill any Evil Co employees because of her programming, but Alice can.  So Red Queen wants Alice to kill Cory but Red Queen is having orders barked at her by Cory.  Just so we're clear.  This is the scenario moving forward.

 

The group moves through a broken giant fan.  Cory tells Red Queen to turn the fan on.  It vacuums up a woman.

 

 

She turns into red chowder.

 

Then the group wanders through some air ducts.  But there are trap doors in the air ducts that drop people into the center of the world?  Some guy falls through a trap door and then falls forever and dies. I really don't get it.  There's no orientation to space and time with this movie series.  It's fucking bizarre.

 

Another trap door opens up and Alice + Generic Character fodder wander a dimly lit facility.  They encounter a new mega zombie and they throw chains and bullets at it until it dies.  The Generic Character dies.  Then some other people from the group meet up after Alice kills the Bid Bad Boring Zombies.  I don't even know how many PEOPLE are involved with this fucking movie.  It's falling apart at a rapid pace.

 

Claire fell into a trap door and is now in a clear cube of some kind, somewhere.  The pacing and direction is atrocious.

 

Meanwhile, Jora's tank is starting to stall and break.  He jumps out of his tank and then start running for the facility, waving for the zombie to come get him.  Thousands.  Millions. 

 

 Alice and the 1 other guy are almost to the core of the facility.  She sees all of the FOUNDERS OF EVIL CO in cryogenic freezers.  One of the founders is the ORIGINAL JORA. He's there and he tells Alice that she's a clone.

 

Yeah, we all knew this.  But maybe this is news for someone with an amnesia chest spider attached to them?  Also, the 1-handed Jora running around outside is a clone.

 

Here's the big reveal and almost end of the movie:

 

It turns out that the original little girl who was the co-founder's daughter, was what the Red Queen A.I. was modeled after.  Ok, we knew that from the 2nd movie.  But Alice is that girl grown up as a mid-30s sex symbol.  Ok, interesting.  And ALSO, that little girl is all grown up and an old woman.

 

Old Woman Alice (real name: Alicia) comes wheeling out in a wheelchair and says that the Red Queen is modeled after her as a child, and Alice is a clone of her. 

Image result for m night shyamalan smile

  "So much twist!" - M Night Shamwow

 

Jora refers to them as the 'trinity of bitches, united in their hatred'.  HAHAHA WHAT? 

 

Also, Evil Co's master plan was to kill the world because it was overpopulated....

 

 

Then Cory Hart shows up and he has Claire at gunpoint.  Alicia (the Old woman that red queen/alice is modeled after) says that Cory Hart is fired.  And what does that mean?  That the Red Queen can kill him since he's not an Evil Co employee.  A big door slams down and crushes Cory's foot, and Claire sprints away.

 

Alice is then told that she has 4 minutes to get the t-virus antidote to the surface and release it.  If not, ALL of the leftover human bases across the world will die.  How?  Why in 4 minutes?  I don't. Fucking.  Know.  They never tell you.  They never explain anything!

 

Original Jora and Alice have a fight, but Original Jora has cybernetic enhancements and super speed.  Does the battle matter?  She beats him.  Alice gets to the surface and is about to break the antidote vial. 

 

But then Original Jora shows up (he didn't just die apparently) and stops her.  Then we see 1-handed Jora with the pack of zombies running at them!  He has a brain meltdown and the two Joras have a little bickering.  1-handed Jora says,

Image result for eminem

 

'Cuz I'm Real Jora, yes I'm the Real Jora, All you other fake Joras are just imitating, So won't the Real Jora please stand up, please stand up, please stand up"

 

Or maybe not.  Maybe I imagined that part.

 

And then 1-Hand Jora stabs Original Jora.  Then 1-handed Jora gets eaten by zombies.

Related image

 ;)

 

Alice breaks the vial, and all zombies everywhere breathe in the antidote and fucking die.  Oh, and the Evil Co underground base explodes, with Alicia and the Evil Co founders as well.

 

Alice thought that because she was bonded with the t-virus, she was going to die when she broke the antidote.  Apparently not: the virus just, like...died inside of her and she's cured for real this time.  Joy.

 

One last thing: Alicia, the founder, put all of *her* memories into a little pod (like, uploaded her memories into the matrix, uh I mean 'cloud') and gave it to Claire Redfield, who then ran out of the facility before it all blew up.  Clair showed Alice the zip drive and watched it all- assimilating all of Alicia's memories.  Now Alice is a real human with memories and stuff.  AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw. So she's like a pseudo A.I. girl/old woman founder reincarnation.

 

Last  shot:  Alice says that it will take a while for the antivirus to spread via the air so although lots of zombies are gone, there might be some more out there to kill.  And she's gonna kill them.

 

CREDITS ROLL

 

 

Christ, that was the whole series.

 

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