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Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos: Entering the Library


Bean Sidhe

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22 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

Your planned weekend is lost only if you actually go to the party. Will someone's life be ruined if you don't? 

 

Kinda, this is the couple who lean very heavily on us. I hate to say it, but the last couple of times they had a party, last minute I was asked to bring plastic for tables or decorations or whatever. They are good people, but they don't think ahead much.

 

 

22 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

Planning ahead is not a superpower. I doubt everyone has the kinds of lists you do (or the need for them!), but most of us have some notion of how much advance notice friends and family need for things.The ones with two toddlers and lots of social obligations need to be told about parties several weeks before they happen. The ones who are single and have no children are can usually make it on less than a week's notice, but it's still rude not to give someone more time. Just because they aren't a parent or a social butterfly doesn't mean they don't have plans they don't like having interrupted.

 

I don't know, It is starting to feel like it. I mean this is like the 7th (I Had 2 more hit while i was at work yesterday) in a week. I was really ready to tell them I need a written request 1 week in advance. I won't tho, I am a pushover.

 

22 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

The phrase, "I'm really sorry, but I already have plans for that weekend and I can't change them on this short notice", seems to work well in these situations. It may not be possible for you to use it in this birthday party scenario, but it might be worth your while to prepare it and keep it at hand for other poorly planned requests?

 

I am trying to. Hubby is better at saying "Nope, they can deal" and then I get "Oh no, they will be mad" and yeah...

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

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21 hours ago, farflight said:

I've got a few friends (surprising) who when asked "How's it going" or "How are you" ALWAYS respond with "Going crazy" to which I've started replying a couple of ways either 1) "Well you've been going crazy for awhile, you must be taking you sweet ass time" or (my fav) 2) "could you hurry it up, the voices in my head are getting bored!"

 

Most of my friends really are a but nuts. So WE are fine being crazy. And this is kinda me. I won't lie, right now, the burn out is strong and the panic for finals/Christmas/birthday has me more than a bit on edge.

 

21 hours ago, farflight said:

Yea, the "non planners" need to get the shit together. Happens all the time with my brother in law..."Oh, you 30 miles outside of memphis? Let me drop everything so I can cater to your fat ass." 

 

My MIL would call and say "I am driving through town unexpectedly, I am coming over?" Uh what??

 

21 hours ago, farflight said:

This seems so rude and unnatural in today's society, its been really hard for me to say no to people in the past (especially if it's something I kinda wanted to do or it helps me put off something I didn't want to be doing). Personally, I'm getting better at it, along with not being a rescuer of others. I used to pester people until they told me what was really bothering them, now, I ask once "Whats wrong? Is everything alright?" often they reply in a very frustrated/exasperated tone "I'm fine!" to which I now simply reply with something like "Okay, I'm going back to cook dinner, lemme know if you need/want me" or "Alright, I'll be taking the dog for that walk now, I've got my phone."

 

It is, and then I have the fun tendancy that no one likes me unless I am useful. No seriously, when I was snipped at thanksgiving with the whole "whose fault is that your so busy, you need to learn to say no!" but I was never allowed to say no to you, so when was I suppose to learn that.  I mean, "YOu need to be helpful to get people to like you" kinda sticks.
 

21 hours ago, farflight said:

Part of the responsibility DOES lie with them to ask for what they need, its not my job to do everything for everyone else (I have enough of my own demons and OCD tendencies to worry about)...shhhh...the voices are calling! EXCELSIOR!

This is one of the things I am trying to learn.. trying.. And you have voices too. Cool, I have friends too. Except Blarg the troll. hes kinda mean.

 

21 hours ago, farflight said:

It'll get better Bean. I'll be praying/sending happy voices your way. Something to consider, divide and conquer? Send hubby Agent and little agents to the party and you could have some quiet time at home to do the stuff you need to do without them being underfoot

 

We talked about it. Still talking a bit. It may come down to a game time decision. However, I don't want one half of the couple to get stuck doing everything alone, so I kinda feel I need to be there to help, and well see above.

 

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21 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

We are discovering a fundamental difference between our two personalities... :P

 

In my mind, the person who expects me to drop everything to cater to their inability to plan ahead, is the rude one. To take for granted that I can and will drop everything else to cater to their whims, is actually a bit insulting. That doesn't mean telling them that I'm too busy and they need to give more advance notice in the future is easy or enjoyable to do, especially not if the people in question are family, or friends who have been acting this way for decades. All of a sudden, now it bothers me?

 

See where I grew up with someone doing this more often than not. So I just kinda expect it, but I have gotten to the point it annoys me  now.

 

21 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

These kinds of conversations require considerably more tact and diplomacy than I naturally posses.

 

My tact and diplomacy is more "Just let them say what they want, then do it because that is who I am"

 

21 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

@Bean Sidhe Dividing and conquering the way Farflight suggested seems like a great compromise. Is that something you can do?

 

This is being discussed. I am just dealing with the "Will they be mad I don't go since I help" Or "will they be okay with out me?"

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

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1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I am just dealing with the "Will they be mad I don't go since I help" Or "will they be okay with out me?"

 

What is the worst thing that can happen if you don't go?  Maybe start by looking at that and decide how (if?)  you can deal with that situation, and go from there?

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2 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

then I have the fun tendancy that no one likes me unless I am useful

Just a reminder, that isn't reality...thats the darkness speaking.

 

I had similar internal messages..."earn daddy's love on 3!" "Make my parents proud", "earn affection." I have to remind myself that if I have to "earn" the affection, then that isn't a friendship, I'm a prostitute for affection (bad image but it works for me). It's one thing to want to do something for others, its another thing to be able to do something for others. 

 

Something I often hear/say in my recovery journey is a turn on the "golden rule" (raised christian). In my faith tradition it states "treat others how you would wish to be treated," which is pretty easy, "don't be a jackass," "try to be helpful," "listen to others" etc. I like to turn it around and remind myself "treat myself the way I treat others." That means I need to be gentle with myself (at times), be patient with myself, be understanding of my limits, love myself. It's unnatural at first, but you'll get better at it.

 

The last real tenet that helps, again borrowing from my personal journey, "make direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others" (make right past wrongs unless it hurst others in the process), my therapist would often remind ME that "I count as others." What he was telling me was really to stop being a martyr. 

 

As I stopped being "useful" to others, I found out who my real friends and family were. I'm not always useful, but I've ALWAYS got those friends (and I did lose some along the way, which was sad, but I'm still alive and probably better for it)

 

Chin up, you're not alone in this fight!

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Fitbit username: farflight   (would love to have more people on there)

Getting life in order is a challenge worth doing.

 

Happiness is the journey, not the destination (took me forever to learn that)

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36 minutes ago, farflight said:

As I stopped being "useful" to others, I found out who my real friends and family were. I'm not always useful, but I've ALWAYS got those friends (and I did lose some along the way, which was sad, but I'm still alive and probably better for it)

 

A real friend finds you "useful" when you do nothing at all.

 

Those are rare, and that's probably how it's supposed to be. That makes us appreciate them more.

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29

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Wow you're moving fast this time. I turned around and was two pages behind! I guess with Flea taking a back seat this challenge you're our new ringleader. Congrats. 

 

On 11/23/2017 at 6:02 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

Trust me, the more you follow, the more I am not as amazing as everyone makes me out to be. I am just trying to get by most days.

This is an old post but I just wanted to say... it's totally the opposite. The more I follow, the more in awe I am. That's why everyone keeps making you out to be amazing, Bean: the impression doesn't fade with time, but grows. 

 

1 hour ago, farflight said:

As I stopped being "useful" to others, I found out who my real friends and family were. I'm not always useful, but I've ALWAYS got those friends (and I did lose some along the way, which was sad, but I'm still alive and probably better for it)

Plus once you've weeded out all of the people who are only keeping you around to be useful to them, you have far fewer obligations and much more time and energy to attend to the things that matter to YOU and YOUR life. But it is super hard to learn for those who've been taught only to give. 

 

27 minutes ago, scalyfreak said:

A real friend finds you "useful" when you do nothing at all.

 

Those are rare, and that's probably how it's supposed to be. That makes us appreciate them more.

QFT. With your real friends, your "use" is in being an ally: a friendly face, and opportunity for socialization and meaningful connection, and a full person with whom a mutual exchange of support and kindness can occur. Your true friends find you useful when you do nothing at all because your true use to them is in being yourself, in the way that naturally "fits" with them; sometimes they'll need your support, but sometimes they'll be the ones supporting you, and sometimes no one will need support and you'll just be basking in each other's company and mutual regard. This exchange isn't always valued highly in our society, but its value is real and not to be dismissed. Find your true friends and prioritize them, and let them help you prioritize yourself. Everyone else can wait. 

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22 minutes ago, Wobbegong said:

Your true friends find you useful when you do nothing at all because your true use to them is in being yourself, in the way that naturally "fits" with them; sometimes they'll need your support, but sometimes they'll be the ones supporting you, and sometimes no one will need support and you'll just be basking in each other's company and mutual regard. This exchange isn't always valued highly in our society, but its value is real and not to be dismissed. Find your true friends and prioritize them, and let them help you prioritize yourself. Everyone else can wait. 

 

QFT.

 

Again. :)

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29

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12 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

What is the worst thing that can happen if you don't go?  Maybe start by looking at that and decide how (if?)  you can deal with that situation, and go from there?

 

I am going to try. I am working on the reprogramming of me. Sadly, I thought Java GUI was hard to code.

 

12 hours ago, farflight said:

Just a reminder, that isn't reality...thats the darkness speaking.

 

I know, I just in a not so great place lately and I am trying to fix it the hard way.

 

12 hours ago, farflight said:

Something I often hear/say in my recovery journey is a turn on the "golden rule" (raised christian). In my faith tradition it states "treat others how you would wish to be treated," which is pretty easy, "don't be a jackass," "try to be helpful," "listen to others" etc. I like to turn it around and remind myself "treat myself the way I treat others." That means I need to be gentle with myself (at times), be patient with myself, be understanding of my limits, love myself. It's unnatural at first, but you'll get better at it.

 

See, I treat people the way I want treated, that they matter. However, part of it is also I have baggage and I am not yet at a place where I am as good to myself as I should be. Sad part is, I am better than I use to be

 

12 hours ago, farflight said:

As I stopped being "useful" to others, I found out who my real friends and family were. I'm not always useful, but I've ALWAYS got those friends (and I did lose some along the way, which was sad, but I'm still alive and probably better for it)

 

Fear here is, I won't find anyone there. Dumb fear, but I have been in that situation where I didn't have anyone to lean on in the end, and while I trying to fix other tendencies, the useful one is one that is harder to reprogram.

 

12 hours ago, farflight said:

Chin up, you're not alone in this fight!

 

Thanks, I am trying. I am just tired of fighting. Especially with myself.

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

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11 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

A real friend finds you "useful" when you do nothing at all.

 

Those are rare, and that's probably how it's supposed to be. That makes us appreciate them more.

 

I know, I just don't know how to not be useful. If that makes sense. Since i was little, I was always told to be useful.

 

11 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

Wow you're moving fast this time. I turned around and was two pages behind! I guess with Flea taking a back seat this challenge you're our new ringleader. Congrats. 

 

I don't think I have become flea. I think its more I have the interesting issues to discuss of late

 

11 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

This is an old post but I just wanted to say... it's totally the opposite. The more I follow, the more in awe I am. That's why everyone keeps making you out to be amazing, Bean: the impression doesn't fade with time, but grows. 

 

Thank you, I just try to hide the baggage, the flaws, the not amazing part, so when they pop up, I get weird and I worry everyone is well, going to see the fact I am a fraud. Make sense?

 

11 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

Plus once you've weeded out all of the people who are only keeping you around to be useful to them, you have far fewer obligations and much more time and energy to attend to the things that matter to YOU and YOUR life. But it is super hard to learn for those who've been taught only to give. 

 

Its a process, I am just not at a place where I feel strong enough to do this yet. I know that sounds weird, but I need to be better with myself before I feel I can judge someone else on their "worthiness" or "usefulness to me". THat sounded better in my head.

 

11 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

QFT. With your real friends, your "use" is in being an ally: a friendly face, and opportunity for socialization and meaningful connection, and a full person with whom a mutual exchange of support and kindness can occur. Your true friends find you useful when you do nothing at all because your true use to them is in being yourself, in the way that naturally "fits" with them; sometimes they'll need your support, but sometimes they'll be the ones supporting you, and sometimes no one will need support and you'll just be basking in each other's company and mutual regard. This exchange isn't always valued highly in our society, but its value is real and not to be dismissed. Find your true friends and prioritize them, and let them help you prioritize yourself. Everyone else can wait. 

 

I have some who do this, and who can really help me learn me. But its a matter of getting to a point where I am ready for these decisions. Part of me fears it takes brainpower and energy I don't have, where having the people in my life is easier because its a constant known quanitity right now.

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

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Totally feel you on the "people only like me if I'm useful" thing. It's so annoying. D: Allow me to be a bitch for a second. (Not at you, but in general.)

 

So obviously this is easier for me to say than it is probably for either of us to do, but if these people - 

 

14 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Kinda, this is the couple who lean very heavily on us. I hate to say it, but the last couple of times they had a party, last minute I was asked to bring plastic for tables or decorations or whatever. They are good people, but they don't think ahead much.

 

- suddenly stop liking you because you don't show up to this one party that they dropped in your lap and are probably expecting your help in executing... is it that terrible? 

 

I mean if they go off the deep end and want nothing to do with you ever again (which I hope is totally unrealistic, and if it's not then wow), will you lose anything? They can be good people but still be shitty friends, and that's not in your control. So if you tell them honestly that you already had plans that you can't change to accommodate their last minute invite, and they get mad, what do you lose beyond dead weight?

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Okay, so away from the crazy of the Bean


Weds was okay. I had another crummy day but I dealt with it. I got an extra walk to the school when Youngest forgot her lunch. So my steps were great. also I changed the spreadsheet to take in step count now. So that helps.

Problem was, once I got home from the last activity I was SO SO SO Tired. I could barely think or eat. I just was done. I know I am burned out, and what not and I really would like a break, but this was that "Done" that shut me down hard for about 3 hours. No homework was done, BUt I did get my stuff done, mostly because Hubby was the jerk I needed. He knows I do better when I do things.

So yeah, I am here. The crazy is put away (mostly) so on to worrying about the project due in not enough days.

 

Goal

Description

11/29/2017

Plan like Flynn

Plan

Y

Strong Like Eve

Leg lifts

30

 

sit ups

50

 

Push ups

16

 

Reverse sit ups

20

Flexible like Ezekiel

Wrist Extension Stretch

Y

 

Upward dog/Child pose

Y

 

Butterfly

Y

 

Ballet/toe Touch

Y

Focus on Family like Stone

Spend time with Agents

Y

Be Postive like Cassandra

One good thing

Y

Lady of the Lake

120 oz water

Y

Keep thing Tidy Like Jenkins

Pennisula/Island

Y

 

Table

Y

 

Desk

Y

 

Bathroom up

Y

Be Organized like the Library

Bedroom

Y

 

Computer room

Y

 

Basement

Y

Fly like Cal

Walk 10500 steps

14709

 

Walk 15 minutes a day

y

 

Total points for day 10/10

Total points for entire challenge 64.75/70

 

POstiive moment for the day: We had fun at Garden club at Youngest's school. The kids all got to design a dream garden and had fun with that.

 

 

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

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5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Totally feel you on the "people only like me if I'm useful" thing. It's so annoying. D: Allow me to be a bitch for a second. (Not at you, but in general.)

 

So obviously this is easier for me to say than it is probably for either of us to do, but if these people - 

 

This right here. Its easy to say. Harder to do. Especially when you go "eh, its fine" to everything,

 

5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

 

- suddenly stop liking you because you don't show up to this one party that they dropped in your lap and are probably expecting your help in executing... is it that terrible? 

 

I mean if they go off the deep end and want nothing to do with you ever again (which I hope is totally unrealistic, and if it's not then wow), will you lose anything? They can be good people but still be shitty friends, and that's not in your control. So if you tell them honestly that you already had plans that you can't change to accommodate their last minute invite, and they get mad, what do you lose beyond dead weight?

 

Okay, so they probably won't, but I also just don't want to deal with the drama. I just want things to go smooth, which honestly, the easier answer to me is to go, get it done, and deal with the attitude another day.

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4 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

See, I treat people the way I want treated, that they matter. However, part of it is also I have baggage and I am not yet at a place where I am as good to myself as I should be. Sad part is, I am better than I use to be

 

Oh no. Stop that right now.

 

Being better than you used to be is not a sad thing.

 

You've improved at something, and that is a good thing. You may feel like you're lagging far behind where you are supposed to be, but who cares? That matters even less than were yiou used to be, before you became better. 

 

You have become better at something that is important to you. Stop seeing that as a sad thing. Stop thinking "oh god I was such a disaster", and start thinking "oh wow, I have really come far. And I'm still improving!" You're a badass. You might not see it yet, but that's okay. We'll keep pointing it out until you do.

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“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29

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22 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Thank you, I just try to hide the baggage, the flaws, the not amazing part, so when they pop up, I get weird and I worry everyone is well, going to see the fact I am a fraud. Make sense?

 

It makes perfect sense, I struggle with that every day. I try to remind myself that having flaws doesn't make me a fraud, it makes me human.... but I'm not very good at listening to advice even from myself.

 

Side-note rant: If I ever catch someone try to tell one of my nieces that she "has to be useful", I will corner that person and wave sharp stabby implement in their face, and demand they explain to me why the hell they think it's okay to tell a little girl that she's not good enough on her own, she has to "be useful" to be accepted and appreciated. She does not need people like that in her life.

 

Neither do we as adults, for that matter. Spend more time with those real friends instead.

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29

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14 minutes ago, scalyfreak said:

Side-note rant: If I ever catch someone try to tell one of my nieces that she "has to be useful", I will corner that person and wave sharp stabby implement in their face, and demand they explain to me why the hell they think it's okay to tell a little girl that she's not good enough on her own, she has to "be useful" to be accepted and appreciated. She does not need people like that in her life.

 

Neither do we as adults, for that matter. Spend more time with those real friends instead.

I was about to post something like this myself. Somebody dropped the ball with you, Bean, and it wasn't fair to you as a child and it's not fair now. 

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9 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

Oh no. Stop that right now.

 

Being better than you used to be is not a sad thing.

 

I am and I am not, and I know I am the only one so critical of me, but I also know that I am not since I still have those who are critical, but I can't cut them out.

 

9 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

You've improved at something, and that is a good thing. You may feel like you're lagging far behind where you are supposed to be, but who cares? That matters even less than were yiou used to be, before you became better. 

 

You have become better at something that is important to you. Stop seeing that as a sad thing. Stop thinking "oh god I was such a disaster", and start thinking "oh wow, I have really come far. And I'm still improving!" You're a badass. You might not see it yet, but that's okay. We'll keep pointing it out until you do.

 

Thank you. I was doing better, then had a thing that caused me to backslide and feel like a failure for the last year+. I am slowly trying to work my way back to where I was, but its not easy and once I hit that point (or the point where I don't feel so overwhelmed and tired) then I will probably do better.  But the reminders are helpful so thank you.

 

8 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

It makes perfect sense, I struggle with that every day. I try to remind myself that having flaws doesn't make me a fraud, it makes me human.... but I'm not very good at listening to advice even from myself.

 

Its a fun loop to be stuck in. I am human, but I am flawed and people think I got everything. If only they know. I am working on it. but yeah, it stinks.

 

8 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

Side-note rant: If I ever catch someone try to tell one of my nieces that she "has to be useful", I will corner that person and wave sharp stabby implement in their face, and demand they explain to me why the hell they think it's okay to tell a little girl that she's not good enough on her own, she has to "be useful" to be accepted and appreciated. She does not need people like that in her life.

 

Please do. Thats why I am trying to not teach my kids this. Downside is that Youngest Agent does it anyway since she likes to help me. so catch 22 there. At least I am not telling her what I hear as a kid.

 

8 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

Neither do we as adults, for that matter. Spend more time with those real friends instead.

I would love to spend more time with them. But being a half day drive away limits that time substantially.

 

 

  • Like 1

Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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8 hours ago, fleaball said:

I was about to post something like this myself. Somebody dropped the ball with you, Bean, and it wasn't fair to you as a child and it's not fair now. 

 

LOL. Oh hone, I know they dropped a ball. I know I am broken in many many ways. I generally work around it and just deal with the day. Right now, the broken part is more visible since it was poked and broken a bit more recently. In a bit, it will get put back together with duct tape or string and I will keep going. The holidays I am just around those who tend to do the breaking more so its a bit harder.

Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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12 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Especially when you go "eh, its fine" to everything,

I used to do this ALLL The time...now I just do it MOST of the time...the big problem with me saying "It's fine" is that, I know it isn't fine when I say it. I am typically just afraid to stand up for myself, and say "You know what, it isn't fine." I am terrified that If I point out the elephant in the room, people will hate me. There are some tough conversations ahead for me, and they scare me to inactivity, and with inactivity...nothing changes. "If I do the same thing time and time again, I'll get the same results" (Don't know who said it)

 

2 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

, it will get put back together with duct tape or string and I will keep going. The holidays I am just around those who tend to do the breaking more so its a bit harder

Try to realize (and if you don't realize/believe it, just pretend) that many/most (read: ALL) people are just as broken as you, me, and anyone else on the planet. Some people are just better at ignoring it, hiding it, or just being oblivious to it. Trust me on this, EVERYONE IS HORRIBLY BROKEN, and here is where your badassery comes in Bean...YOU'RE AWARE OF IT AND WORKING TO FIX IT AND FIGHT IT. I know for me, seeing a therapist has helped. I used to see one when I was suicidal in my teens/twenties, and now I see one every other week. Its a wonderful chance for an objective, non-judmental third party to weigh in on my life.

 

People can only break you if you let them. I used to LOATHE and DESPISE my entire family. I hated family gatherings because "these people hurt me" either intentionally or unintentionally. I realized about 3 years ago, 1) I have a car, 2) I drove myself to this gathering, 3) there are no guards on the doors, 4) I can freaking leave, 5) lightning didn't hit when I got in the car.

 

I'd suggest, next time you're going over to family, before you go, plan an exit strategy. I still do this with my wife. We plan to leave about 10 minutes after desert, if things are going well, we stay longer, if things are gong horribly wrong...we leave earlier (still haven't had the courage to say "We're leaving because y'all are dicks" but we typically can come up with a quick quasi legit excuse to leave).

12 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I am just tired of fighting. Especially with myself

Then stop. Try to be an ally for yourself. Think of it this way, if your BEST GENUINE Friend (not one of those "I like you cause your useful people") told you all the things you tell yourself, but about them (e.g. I come to you, tell you I feel a fraud, I'm a failure, I can't do anything right) what would you tell me? Do that for yourself. Its OKAY NOT TO BELIEVE IT AT FIRST. I still don't on most days. But pretend, try, strive. In an effort to get a smile:stuart_smalley.jpg

 

And if they don't like you...screw em. WE LOVE YOU

  • Like 3

Fitbit username: farflight   (would love to have more people on there)

Getting life in order is a challenge worth doing.

 

Happiness is the journey, not the destination (took me forever to learn that)

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4 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Thank you. I was doing better, then had a thing that caused me to backslide and feel like a failure for the last year+. I am slowly trying to work my way back to where I was, but its not easy and once I hit that point (or the point where I don't feel so overwhelmed and tired) then I will probably do better.  But the reminders are helpful so thank you.
 

 

If comparing yourself to how you were over a year ago makes you feel like a failure, why do it? Compare yourself to yesterday instead. Or one hour ago, or five minutes ago. For all you know, your memories of who and how you were over a year ago are incorrect... and comparing yourself to an ideal that keeps improving with every failure to live up to it, is not setting you up for good things.

 

54 minutes ago, farflight said:

I'd suggest, next time you're going over to family, before you go, plan an exit strategy. I still do this with my wife. We plan to leave about 10 minutes after desert, if things are going well, we stay longer, if things are gong horribly wrong...we leave earlier (still haven't had the courage to say "We're leaving because y'all are dicks" but we typically can come up with a quick quasi legit excuse to leave).

 

We do this as well. It's almost scary how much easier family gatherings and social obligations have become since we started planning our exit strategy before arriving.

 

54 minutes ago, farflight said:

And if they don't like you...screw em.

 

EXACTLY!

 

@Bean Sidhe If someone can't see you for the awesome person you are, just as you are, that's their loss. Take a moment to feel bad for all the great things they are missing out on by not knowing you, and move on to someone who does appreciate you instead. :)

  • Like 3

Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29

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2 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Going to deal with all of this later. I am kinda in a melt with panic and flailing bits. More later.

 

Take your time. We're not going anywhere. :) 

  • Like 2

Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29

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Hi Bean, just catched up with a bit of posts.
Look at how much you are doing! You have a family, a job, you study! You are living at least three lives at the same time, you are amazing!
And if someone says otherwise, screw them, they are jealous.
I look up at you, hoping that one day I can have a family without sacrificing a job I love and can't really even have a relation because I prioritise work (saying: it's the love of my life).
You are so good at juggle it all, there are no other words than superhero!
We'll be here when you have a little time :)

  • Like 1

Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

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