Hiroro #16: Making Space

[Hiroro]

Priorities

Last weekend's sermon was about saying no to good things to make space for great things. There are so many ways I want more of this theme in my life -- in our house (as we slowly buy home items to make it somewhere I feel pleased inviting people into, but also purge), in my day (staying an extra half hour or hour unpaid at work, watching too much TV), in my diet (too much wine and sweets). I've lost my meditation habit, and I miss it. I have time in the morning, but this month I shouldn't need to be at work particularly early - so I can get back to a good morning routine without waking up earlier.

 

Goal #1 The Perfect Morning

Obviously not every morning can or will be 'perfect', but I've always had this routine in my mind:

1. Meditation
2. Prayer
3. Short to-do list
4. Eat breakfast

Half the time I drag my feet so much I don't get to early, but still haven't done anything worthwhile with my morning.

When my alarm goes off at 5:30, I will say no to random internet reading (or even reading my current book), pressing snooze, and leaving for work early.

 

Goal #2 Workouts

I am tempted by the Spartan Stadium plan, but not sure I want to start it when I know I'll have to interrupt for vacation. So for now this means workout 5x/week. Spin, run, yoga, spartan workouts, made-up gym circuits all count. As the weather gets iffy and cold I need this more than ever.

I will say no to social engagements if needed to make time to work out. I will also not watch TV by myself (sports/movies with fiance are allowed AFTER my workout).

I will say yes to workouts that sound fun, even if they cost money, especially if someone else will join me.

 

Goal #3 Track Every Bite

Here or in my battle log, along with how I feel.

I will say no to wine in the evenings, endless-unaccounted-for carbs and sweets, and eating when I am not hungry.

 

Thanksgiving Recap

Last week was ugly nutrition-wise. I was at my future in-laws, and even though they are wonderful it was draining for me trying to make a good impression, and make frequent conversation. I coped with the stress with food. I felt constrained diet-wise by being in someone else's house, but I still could have made much better decisions. The discomfort of not being in my own space combined with forcing myself to talk to parents/family/friends was so much ugh. But especially as fiance's dad is elderly, we will likely be visiting them more frequently in the future -- this is very important to fiance, as my parents are practically next door but we are not able to see his parents very often (a couple hour flight, or 12 hour drive). I want to support him in this but find that I resent spending vacation time to take trips that are not restful. 

 

On the flip side, I ran/walked 3/4 days that we were there. And the morning after getting back, I showed up to spin class. I know the workouts aren't enough to offset my eating, but it's nice to have something positive to report. More than anything it was a chance to escape and have some "me time".

 

Update on the Feels

Aside from the stress and anxiety of Thanksgiving, I have generally been feeling a bit better over the past couple weeks. Less episodes of wanting to lie on the floor forever. Can't say why, but I'll take it while it lasts.

[Elastigirl]

8 minutes ago, Hiroro said:

saying no to good things to make space for great things

I love this! Awesome challenge

[Hiroro]

Actions today in the spirit of making space:

• Removed a few optional events from my calendar
• Changed my calendar view to not show my 'local events' calendar (to reduce mental overwhelm)
• Signed up for work volunteer event (get paid to volunteer during work hours, while my workload isn't heavy? with free lunch? YES)
• Making workout dates 
• Will pass on the spin class specials and instead buy a class pass for yoga (I love spin but crave yoga -- also, it will fit better with Spartan training)
• Signed up for ONE volunteer session at church over the holidays (as opposed to all the days)
• Plan one week of workouts at a time

[Fonzico]

Priorities
Last weekend's sermon was about saying no to good things to make space for great things.

This... Kind of blew my mind, TBH. I need some time alone with the concept, I think

I'm so happy you're here! Let's have a wonderful pre-Christmas challenge!

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[Hiroro]

I am happy to be here! Thanks for the warm welcome back

 

Week 1 Day 1

Breakfast - bagel with butter, coffee

Snack - coffee, apple, handful of gochujang almonds

Lunch - ham, green beans

Snack - 1 mini peppermint patty, spoonful PB, bit of cashew butter

Dinner - 1 pc potato, scrambled eggs with cheese, tofu with rice, soy sauce, sesame oil

 

Workout - spin class

 

Nutrition was better than the day before. I got very hungry mid- morning (probably thanks to my all-carb breakfast), but being "trapped" at work without unhealthy foods worked in my favor. After getting home, I took a quick nap to recharge before spin. I felt pretty blah but read on the bed and mostly kept my snacking healthy to refuel for my workout. I felt AMAZING after spin, but later in the evening the endorphin high wore off and I got a bit down in the dumps. Working out is clearly great for my mood, I just wish the effects were longer lasting -- exercising every few hours isn't really a practical solution.

 

This morning's mediation had a line that stuck in my head: "stress is increased by the idea that this thing should not be happening to you". Even though my mood swings are internal rather than external, I realized that I've been stuck in this thought pattern...when I feel depressed, I have lots of thoughts, but one of them is "why does this happen to me?" coupled with "what is wrong with me?" and "why can't I be normal and happy?". Those thoughts contribute to the downward spiral -- if I can convince myself that I'm not doing anything wrong to bring it on, it may help ride it out.

 

I'm still thinking about ways I can make more space in my life -- the complete theme was about making space for joy and wonder in a season that often becomes about busyness.

• I am releasing myself from the feeling of obligation to give gifts if nothing (simple and easy) comes to me
• I have made my volunteer commitments and will not make any more
• I will not give to charity outside of my planned giving (though I may make a donation in lieu of gift for my mother who has everything, I won't agonize over the various requests for donations that never end at this time of year). I will participate in the angel tree at church and the one at work.
• I like the idea about thinking about food this way -- I'm still struggling with mentally labeling foods as "bad" and contrarily wanting to eat them all. But I need to make space for more nutrients on my plate (I would LOVE to not get sick this winter).
• Reclaiming that time before work as "my" time. This morning I woke up and did my "perfect morning" routine, and even though I got in a bit later to work nothing negative came of it.
• In general I don't think I have too much trouble saying no to time commitments, but I tend to make a mile-long to-do list even though I know it isn't realistic. Choosing 3 things to do each day (in my free time) means that I can do more if I have time and have energy. Plus I can feel like I have succeeded/finished after completing those things. Really, how many things can't wait until tomorrow?

 

[Xena]

Great job re-claiming your mornings. I think that's a huge step that will really help.

[Hiroro]

Week 1 Day 2

Breakfast - avocado toast, coffee

-felt good

Snack - PB chocolate Kind bar

-started eating it, realized I was eating out of boredom, waited until I actually felt hungry to finish

Lunch - salad with goat cheese, turkey, candied pecans, apples, apple cider vinaigrette

-this made my stomach churn for some reason

Snack - 2 spoons PB, chocolate chip cookie

-felt tired, blah

Dinner - frittata with spinach, ham, cheddar

-felt much better

 

Workout - ran a few miles with a friend - 2/5 complete

Food - 2/2 tracked

Morning - 1/1 (missed the morning before I set my goals, but I won't count that against myself)

 

It feels weird to sit down and eat breakfast after months of not taking that time. I'm trying to just sit and eat instead of giving in to my multitasking instincts. I'm okay with writing my 3-item to-do list because that's a contemplative task. I want to avoid  distracting myself with reading or internet.

[Fonzico]

Man, eating without distraction is hard to do... I just... Never do it, unless it's like a social situation. Let me know if you figure out any good tips on that one!

I really enjoyed your thoughts on reducing stress and increasing the joy in the holiday season. I love this time of year, but so often make myself crazy! I think it's a great idea to take a step back from all the commitments and find a way to enjoy the time and the people and not run ourselves ragged...

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[Hiroro]

I think last challenge I posted a picture of the wedding dress, but neglected to post my picture of ME in the dress:

 

As it's strapless, I would love to have more definition in my arms and shoulders to show off by the time my wedding rolls around next July.

 

Yesterday I signed up for Class Pass (Cincinnati is soooo much cheaper than New York or LA) so I'll get to try out some new and different things...I still have quite a few credits for yoga/spin/etc though to work my way through.

 

Tonight I'm taking a Bounce class! I was thinking it would be fun and maybe not too hard but this video has me concerned...mostly I am hoping that I don't fall off and/or injure myself.

 

I can probably manage about 20 seconds of this before I collapse:

[Elastigirl]

That dress is lovely! And so are you.

[Hiroro]

19 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

That dress is lovely! And so are you.

Aw shucks it's also sooooo comfy I didn't want to take it off.

 

22 hours ago, Fonzico said:

Man, eating without distraction is hard to do... I just... Never do it, unless it's like a social situation. Let me know if you figure out any good tips on that one!

I really enjoyed your thoughts on reducing stress and increasing the joy in the holiday season. I love this time of year, but so often make myself crazy! I think it's a great idea to take a step back from all the commitments and find a way to enjoy the time and the people and not run ourselves ragged...

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk
 

Well I'm only a couple days into it, ha, and it's so hard to ignore the impulse to do something...anything. Thinking about what I want to get done (personal, not work tasks) seems to be good for me.

 

There are a billion articles out there on being less stressed during the holidays, but there is also so much pressure to do all the things. I feel like all the "positive" media can actually make things worse because it's all SLOW DOWN AND BE JOYFUL but also APPRECIATE YOUR LOVED ONES and DIY ALL THE GIFTS and WOOHOO DECORATIONS, plus all the ads that are co-opting the words 'joy' and 'love' and using them to hawk their wares. So no matter what there's this nagging feeling that you're not doing it right.

 

One thing I found as I cleared out my calendar and stepped back to pare down my commitments is that I didn't have that many official commitments, BUT I had a lot of lingering "maybe I'll do this" or "I should really participate in this" events. I almost always end up not doing them anyways, but by not saying no in advance I carry that mental "should" weight around for weeks! I just keep the invite on my calendar or in my inbox, or worse, in the back of my mind where I keep remembering and thinking "oh right I was planning on maybe doing that -- don't want to forget just in case!". So I have that worry that I'll forget, and the self-pressure to do more things, and then the last minute decision not to go. When I could just save myself the trouble by handling these things as they come up -- or after a few days to check my calendar or consult fiance..

 

The other thing I've learned in just the first few days of the challenge, is that my 3-item to do list is actually proving difficult...because it's hard to come up with 3 things! Obviously a lot of this is thanks to not having kids, but as I think about my day and what NEEDS to get done, the list is actually pretty short. Yesterday it had 2 items - working out, and making bread - and I ended up deciding not to make bread. I'm actually keeping 2 lists now...my short list (NEED to do + what would make this a great day?) and my long list (fun extras and things it would be nice to get done but not urgent/important).

[Hiroro]

Week 1 Day 3

Breakfast - avocado toast, coffee

-felt fine

Lunch - turkey and stuffing, chili

-this was maybe a little too much food but I finished it anyways. I didn't feel like I needed an afternoon snack though, so I guess it worked out

-I started cramping in the afternoon and felt blechhh

Dinner - fried rice, green beans, tofu with soy sauce

-felt a little happier after working out but became very irritated with minimal provocation. Yay hormones.

 

Workout - Bounce class - 3/5 complete

Food - 3/3 tracked

Morning - 2/2

 

The trampoline class was fun! The time flew by, I did have a little bit of foot pain but would try the class again for sure. I was FEELING IT in my legs afterwards.

 

[Elastigirl]

2 hours ago, Hiroro said:

There are a billion articles out there on being less stressed during the holidays, but there is also so much pressure to do all the things. I feel like all the "positive" media can actually make things worse because it's all SLOW DOWN AND BE JOYFUL but also APPRECIATE YOUR LOVED ONES and DIY ALL THE GIFTS and WOOHOO DECORATIONS, plus all the ads that are co-opting the words 'joy' and 'love' and using them to hawk their wares. So no matter what there's this nagging feeling that you're not doing it right.

 

I hadn't really thought about this before, but you are so right. And there are so many other areas where this is true too.Parenting is the big example I can think of. It's really important to know why you do things, and not take on false guilt. As for Christmas, yeah, I 've been caught in that trap of trying to do the "perfect " amount of stuff. 

 

I also like your idea of decideing what commitments you want to make, and then not having the mental clutter of trying  to remember the others. 

[Hiroro]

Week 1 Day 4

Breakfast - oatmeal with PB and choc powder, coffee

-felt fine

Lunch - sandwiches, potato chips

-free lunch with volunteering -- if I had known it was going to be Jimmy John's I probably would have eaten in advance, because the carbs weren't really worth it but I had to eat. I did combine two sandwiches to make one, which tastes better in addition to decreasing the bread

Snack? - cake tasting, fillings, icings

-this was fun, my fiance couldn't make it so I took my dad

Dinner - pho with beef and meatballs

-felt like I was coming down with something. Noodle soup was nice.

Post-dinner - a few bites of icing and cake

-felt wretched. Ate some of the samples I brought home for fiance.

 

Workout - rest day - 3/5 complete

Food - 4/4 tracked

Morning - 3/3

 

Annnnnnd I'm sick.

[Fonzico]

Oh no, I'm sorry you're sick!

I prescribe more pho.

The trampoline class sounds like SO much fun though. One of my little cousins, who had energy to burn and burn, had one of those mini-tramps and would bounce on it while he watched TV... And the kid had a freaking 6-pack! Which is just hilarious on a 7 year old.

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[Hiroro]

On 12/1/2017 at 9:01 AM, Fonzico said:

Oh no, I'm sorry you're sick!

I prescribe more pho.

The trampoline class sounds like SO much fun though. One of my little cousins, who had energy to burn and burn, had one of those mini-tramps and would bounce on it while he watched TV... And the kid had a freaking 6-pack! Which is just hilarious on a 7 year old.

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I like that prescription! Yeah I totally wanted a trampoline as a kid, but it is harder than it looks. 

[Hiroro]

Week 1 Day 5

Breakfast - 2/3 huge donut, coffee, a little leftover oatmeal with PB and choc powder

-felt awful and gross and sicksicksick

Lunch - more pho!

-this was amazing, it cleared me up for mayyybe an hour

Snack - cake, fillings, icings

-was feeling sucky, I know sugar wasn't the answer, but *sigh* it did make me feel a bit better

Dinner - sandwich with cheese and a bit of butter, ham and cheese sandwich

-still feeling kind of depressed and tired and sick

Post-dinner - red wine/cider mulled (1 cup)

-this was really nice, and combined with the Benadryl to knock me out good

 

Workout - sick day - 3/5 complete

Food - 5/5 tracked

Morning - 3/4

 

Ugh I missed the morning routine. I just woke up feeling utterly sick, and going to work and toughing out the day took all the energy and willpower I had. I have so much respect for people who actually have to do more than that while sick - like taking care of kids.

 

BUT then I slept ~12 hours and as of today am feeling dazed but a bit better.

[Elastigirl]

Sorry you are sick. We call it the plague protocol around here, meaning we gave ourselves permission when we are sick to slow down and get the rest we need to recover and have absolutely no guilt about it, because we are taking good care of ourselves. So, take care, and feel better soon.

[Hiroro]

Week 1 Day 6

Breakfast - rice porridge

-Still sick but rested

Snack - 3 mini York patties, 1 mini 100 grand bar

-feeling blah

Snack - cake, coffee

-enjoyed the cake tasting even though I still felt sick

Pre-dinner - glass of wine

-was annoyed with fiancé over inequity in wedding planning responsibilities

Dinner - roast beef and pork with bearnaise, shrimp and grits, potatoes au gratin, salad, lobster bisque, roll with butter, ~2 glasses wine, Brussels sprouts

-buffet dinner with parents - AMAZING. Still felt sick but enjoyed dinner nevertheless

Dessert - partial chocolate cake mousse thing, a few bites of other chocolate desserts

-felt full, tired

 

Week 1 Day 7

Breakfast -PB and apple, coffee

-felt irritated because fiancé didn't want to go to church with me. I went by myself

Lunch? - leftover cake

-this did not sit well in my stomach. Still irritated at fiancé. sick.

Dinner - ham and cheese sandwich, pork gyoza

-feeling emotionally a bit better, but physically exhausted

 

Workout - 4/5 complete

Food - 7/7 tracked

Morning - 4/6

 

I did go for a short run Saturday (after a glass of wine...) because I was in such an annoyed state with fiancé that I didn't want to be in the house with him anymore. Plus I was hoping that the sunshine and sweat would boost my mood. It did, but I was still displeased with him.

 

Since figuring out that fiancé is a Rebel (per the Gretchen Rubin Four Tendencies) I've periodically felt a combination of anger and despair - because it is simply his personality to only do the things he feels like doing. As an Obliger (person who is motivated by external requirements), this makes me very concerned that I'm going to carry more than my share forever and ever. This is exacerbated by the stress of wedding planning. I booked the florist and I'm going to book the cake this week, so then all that's left is details (because all the vendors will be booked: venue, caterer, cake, florist, photographer, DJ). Still have to put in our ice cream order and figure out centerpieces. His attitude is that he doesn't want to handle anything that he doesn't care about (flowers) and that if it were up to him we would have just booked the very first cake place we tried (which was NOT good in my opinion). Since I worry/think about what will make everyone else happy and help them have fun, it's frustrating when he says it's the guests' responsibility to enjoy themselves. Part of my effort is also because we're spending so much money, I want to make sure it's worth it.

 

Upon re-reading sections of the Four Tendencies book, I am trying to adjust my approach - instead of trying to make him care about how the wedding guests feel, make it about how I feel. Because my happiness is important to him - so instead of being upset that he doesn't naturally do what I want, I have to ask. Framing it as "this would help me not be stressed" or "it would make me happy if you did this" and as a request is better than just railing at him. This seems to be working better with chores as well. Because he feels like it is entirely up to him. It galls me to ask him to do things that I feel like he should volunteer for, but as long as the outcome is the same then eventually I'll come to terms with it.

[SkyGirl]

On 11/30/2017 at 8:18 AM, Hiroro said:

One thing I found as I cleared out my calendar and stepped back to pare down my commitments is that I didn't have that many official commitments, BUT I had a lot of lingering "maybe I'll do this" or "I should really participate in this" events. I almost always end up not doing them anyways, but by not saying no in advance I carry that mental "should" weight around for weeks! I just keep the invite on my calendar or in my inbox, or worse, in the back of my mind where I keep remembering and thinking "oh right I was planning on maybe doing that -- don't want to forget just in case!". So I have that worry that I'll forget, and the self-pressure to do more things, and then the last minute decision not to go. When I could just save myself the trouble by handling these things as they come up -- or after a few days to check my calendar or consult fiance..

 

I am rather late coming to your challenge, but wow, this absolutely gobsmacked me ... I do exactly this same thing. You are so right that I could free up so much space in my mind by just saying "no" in the first place. Way to go on recognizing that and taking steps to start putting it in practice!

 

13 hours ago, Hiroro said:

Upon re-reading sections of the Four Tendencies book, I am trying to adjust my approach - instead of trying to make him care about how the wedding guests feel, make it about how I feel. Because my happiness is important to him - so instead of being upset that he doesn't naturally do what I want, I have to ask. Framing it as "this would help me not be stressed" or "it would make me happy if you did this" and as a request is better than just railing at him. This seems to be working better with chores as well. Because he feels like it is entirely up to him. It galls me to ask him to do things that I feel like he should volunteer for, but as long as the outcome is the same then eventually I'll come to terms with it.

 

Again, way to go on approaching the situation constructively, especially when you're sick and tired and stressed! I'm incredibly impressed!

 

(And your dress is absolutely lovely!!   )

[Xena]

On 12/1/2017 at 9:01 AM, Fonzico said:

I prescribe more pho.

 

On 12/2/2017 at 10:21 AM, Hiroro said:

Lunch - more pho!

-this was amazing, it cleared me up for mayyybe an hour

 

So sorry you've been sick, but absolutely support this course of treatment!

 

Love the picture of you in your dress. You don't have to become more anything. You look great! But I think you like exercising...so keep at it :-)

 

I also appreciated your insight about the rebel vs. the obliger. Haven't read the original stuff, but suspect I have strong "obliger tendencies" and never really knew what to do about it.

[Fonzico]

I have loaned the 4 tendencies as both an audio book and an ebook.. I really need to read them!

What you say makes perfect sense though. I have a similar personality split between me and my hubs, and it occasionally drives me nuts too. But the combination of simply asking him to do what I want him to do and helping him realize that his unsolicited help (particularly with household chores) makes me SO much less stressed out has made this situation improve dramatically in the last year or two.



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[Hiroro]

On ‎12‎/‎5‎/‎2017 at 12:54 AM, SkyGirl said:

 

I am rather late coming to your challenge, but wow, this absolutely gobsmacked me ... I do exactly this same thing. You are so right that I could free up so much space in my mind by just saying "no" in the first place. Way to go on recognizing that and taking steps to start putting it in practice!

I'm glad you got something out of it  I'm definitely still processing, and learning to not let things linger. It's hard to balance the desire to do ALL THE THINGS and take advantage of opportunities, etc vs being realistic about how many activities I actually enjoy having scheduled in my free time. Fiance is actually a good influence on me in this area because he schedules almost nothing in his free time, and has no apparent regrets of any kind!

 

14 hours ago, Xena said:

 

So sorry you've been sick, but absolutely support this course of treatment!

 

Love the picture of you in your dress. You don't have to become more anything. You look great! But I think you like exercising...so keep at it :-)

 

I also appreciated your insight about the rebel vs. the obliger. Haven't read the original stuff, but suspect I have strong "obliger tendencies" and never really knew what to do about it.

Aw shucks. Supposedly more people fall into the obliger category than any other -- it's mostly an analysis tool for forming better habits, but there are interesting communication tips in the book as well.

 

12 hours ago, Fonzico said:

I have loaned the 4 tendencies as both an audio book and an ebook.. I really need to read them!

What you say makes perfect sense though. I have a similar personality split between me and my hubs, and it occasionally drives me nuts too. But the combination of simply asking him to do what I want him to do and helping him realize that his unsolicited help (particularly with household chores) makes me SO much less stressed out has made this situation improve dramatically in the last year or two.

Ha well I already knew I was an obliger, so I only read the sections relevant to me and fiancé. I've commiserated a lot with a friend who is also an obliger, recently married to a Questioner (always wants to know WHY he should do something). What still surprises me is how I can mention a chore to him, and he'll put it off for weeks, but sometimes I'll bring up a 'maybe we should do <some home project>' and a few days later he's all 'yes lets do this right now'. Single-occurrence tasks (like rearranging furniture) are much more appealing than recurring tasks (vacuuming). Systems (I've suggested that we have 'assigned' chores) are not met with enthusiasm (I LOVE systems), and an analytical approach doesn't always work even though he's an ISTJ (I tried making a list of chores I was doing and how much time I spent per week, but his solution was for me to do less without him doing more). One thing I'm working on is to be more supportive of his ideas - I tend to have a specific plan/result in mind, and if his idea does not jive with that my instinctive response is immediately negative. His general approach to housework of "I'll do it when I feel like it" still grinds my gears; it would be different if we were in a rented crappy college apartment, but this is a home that we own and years of neglect can actually lower the value!

 

A while ago I read "Make Your House Do the Housework" by Don Aslett, and am slowly incorporating some of their solutions to make our house easier to clean. I bought a larger shoe rack on Amazon (because fiancé spontaneously switched from coming in through the side door to the front door, so now there are lots more shoes by the front door, but he won't commit to permanently mostly using the front door, so we still need the shoe rack/coat rack/table by the side door *sigh*). The area by the front door is now cleaner all the time, which makes me happy, and it doesn't require more effort. Also looking into adding a larger entry floor mat.

[Hiroro]

Week 2 Day 1

Breakfast - rice porridge, coffee

-sick and not productive at work

Lunch - broccoli cheddar soup with ham

-bored at work

Dinner - 6 popovers, chili

-tired

I may have eaten something else on Monday but I can't remember.

 

Week 2 Day 2

Breakfast -??? Can't remember for the life of me

-sick

Lunch - icing/frosting, 2 grilled cheese sandwiches. 1 mini York patty. 1 mini 100 grand bar, 12 popovers

-sick.

Dinner - so much popcorn

-clearly I was spiraling here. The sugar made me feel better temporarily, but I know that feeding my body more nutritious food is better for healing.

 

Workout - 0/5 complete

Food -2/2 tracked

Morning - 1/2

 

I took yesterday off work to rest and try to get better, but was definitely tanking on the good food choices front. This is what happens when I don't meal prep. On the bright side, I'm finding that keeping the fridge lean helps prevent food wastage.

 

I am having trouble finding balance between being frugal and making healthy choices...I got a bunch of buns free at work, thus all the cheese sandwiches (even though I KNOW bread is cheap...not worth it). I bought a gallon of milk intending to make yogurt for a coworker, but making food gifts while sick seemed like a bad idea -- thus...all the popovers. In my crazy irrational sick brain spiral yesterday, I was thinking MUST SAVE MONEY AND EAT FOOD WE HAVE ALREADY...but then I went out and bought $6 worth of Skinnypop and ate it ALL. Fiance is working long hours so doesn't have the time/energy to cook much. Being sick brings out the whiny little kid in me... I wants someone else to take care of me, please.

 

Having to document my poor choices is indeed galvanizing me to make better ones:

Tonight I will make egg drop soup for dinner, and frittata for fiancé (and for leftovers). I will at least go for a walk to catch some mood-boosting sun.

Tomorrow I will make stir-fry with beef and broccoli.

I may still make more popovers/pancakes/dutch babies to use up some of the milk, but will set aside the amount needed for fiancé to make mac and cheese for coworker party Saturday (thus also saving us from buying more milk)

 

TWO AND A HALF WEEKS UNTIL SPAIN!!!

[Elastigirl]

12 hours ago, Hiroro said:

Ha well I already knew I was an obliger, so I only read the sections relevant to me and fiancé. I've commiserated a lot with a friend who is also an obliger, recently married to a Questioner (always wants to know WHY he should do something). What still surprises me is how I can mention a chore to him, and he'll put it off for weeks, but sometimes I'll bring up a 'maybe we should do <some home project>' and a few days later he's all 'yes lets do this right now'. Single-occurrence tasks (like rearranging furniture) are much more appealing than recurring tasks (vacuuming). Systems (I've suggested that we have 'assigned' chores) are not met with enthusiasm (I LOVE systems), and an analytical approach doesn't always work even though he's an ISTJ (I tried making a list of chores I was doing and how much time I spent per week, but his solution was for me to do less without him doing more). One thing I'm working on is to be more supportive of his ideas - I tend to have a specific plan/result in mind, and if his idea does not jive with that my instinctive response is immediately negative. His general approach to housework of "I'll do it when I feel like it" still grinds my gears; it would be different if we were in a rented crappy college apartment, but this is a home that we own and years of neglect can actually lower the value!

This is really interesting. I've listened to Gretchen on a podcast. But she was talking about it more in terms of goal setting, not communication. I really need to read the book. Not sure what type my husband is. I know that I care WAY more about what others think then he does. What others think is not a motivation for him at all. I have learned to care a bit less about what others think from him, which is a good thing. You are doing a good job of learning how to communicate with your fiancé.