Gonna post on here while I am on my first acid trip

[ShadowEye]

I am smirking as I typed that, I just know that people are going to click on that because they're gonna think "what the fuck" but I honestly am having my first LSD experience right now, I took it sometime this morning id guess around 10 or 11, and have spent most of my day just typing in a journal all my thoughts, feelings, and emotions I am having right now. I can honestly say that I am in a much better place right now than where I was when I started this morning. I have been listening to music the whole time on full blast with my headphones, right before I started typing this I had just finished listening to all the Nirvana albums and as I started typing this I am listening to Songs for the Deaf by Queens of the Stone Age, definitely listen to full albums, not individual songs, I am having a great time relaxing in my living room typing this right now and I feel like as far as what drugs can do for you this is putting me in a pretty good place. That is looking at it from the view that drugs are horrible and can do no good I am saying I feel like I have a much greater understanding of myself right now as I have spent most of my day blasting my favorite music typing all of my thoughts and feelings out.

I feel like there are not a lot of people on here that will be able to relate specifically to someone taking an acid trip and most people reading this will probably do it for entertainment and just see what is going on inside this crazy dudes head. I honestly normally never do this sort of thing as far as posting on a forum and reaching out to people and trying to make new friends. I have spent a lot of my life judging people and taking shit about people because I had people who were doing the same to me and it basically just turned into me becoming more and more reclusive over time and as I type this I feel something inside myself literally like I cannot explain it to you. Whoever is reading this I would definitely not want to put something out on the internet saying that my experience was great and it changed my life and you should go do it even though I am sure there are people out there who have said those things. Everyone can have different experiences and don't expect yours to be anything like mine if you decide to do something stupid like try to copy something you read on the internet. I have had this for a while and no time felt like a good time to take it until today and I am so glad I did today. I have had a broken leg for weeks now and I am thinking tomorrow when I go to the doctor he is going to tell me I am good to go back to work and I can walk and everything. While I am looking forward to things getting back to normal I am not exactly looking forward to returning to a job that I don't love doing.

For someone who might not have done acid before and thinks that you have to be visualizing something to have a trip I would love for you to go read everything I just typed out all day. I am really coming here to find people who might have similar feelings as me, people who feel stuck and wasting their time day day by day not doing the thing inside them that I described earlier as the little kid inside me telling me all things to do to truly be happy and the adult almost 21 year old man is telling that kid everyday to shut the fuck up and what you want doesn't matter and I have to go to work and do something I am miserable at every single day. I was about to start crying typing that again but I didn't I am done crying about it. I am that kid inside myself and I can do the things I need to do no matter what the stupid adult me who actually wanders through life everyday just working a job being completely miserable for some money so I can go home and try to convince myself that I can buy myself the things I need to make me happy. I need to experience things in life and make a positive impact on someone else's life hopefully by me sharing my story, I never thought I would be this person sitting here typing right now but I am.

I am typing this in hopes of maybe meeting someone who can relate to me in the slightest way and might want to be my friend because I am tired of making excuses to not do the things to make me really happy and one of those things is making new friends. I really hope someone reads this and might actually want to talk to me but I don't expect it. I just am kind of trying to say that if there is someone that thinks I might be able to help them in any way I am completely open to that. I am just having a lot of thoughts and emotions and it seems pretty dumb to be typing all this shit out on a forum for a bunch of people to read but fuck it. I have realized now that I don't have to be afraid to do things anymore because I am afraid of what people are going to think. I guess its that thing that a lot of people say but you don't really get it until you get it and I didn't really get it until right now. I have spent my whole entire life up to this point worrying what everyone else is going to think about me for anything I do in any situation I am just constantly worried about being judged and what other people would think.

 

Not anymore.

[TaoistPunk]

Hey! I clicked on it because I was like "Congrats!" to the acid trip AND to joining up. (I'm over 6 trips in, but they were many years ago and I lost count...)

 

Good on you for just living your honest life. Whatever it is, so long as you aren't hurting anyone, you'll find those you need in your life at the time you need them. 

I'm so excited for you to be making so many firsts - boundaries, discussions with the little-kid-you inside, NF, acid, not worrying about what others think! 

 

My ONLY advice is that if you could try to not be so hard on that little-kid-you.. he's just you after-all. Be his friend, his "big brother" and listen to him. He probably has a lot of good insight. 

 

Okay, part two of that advice: Maybe you can brainstorm over the next couple of days to see if there is a meeting place between work and fun. They don't have to be exclusive of one another, tho in my experience, the work doesn't matter so long as the people around you are funny and easy to talk. 

 

Best of luck in your endeavors and enjoy the ride!