Thanneth Stormdancer Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 The Dragons of Disorder: Anxiety, Depression, and Disordered Eating. Mae govannen! I’m Thanneth, a lvl 0 newbie getting less newby every day. I started the 4-week challenge two weeks ago, but failed to be bestowed with instant discipline. I know, silly of me to expect it, but one can hope, right? Enter Life to throw a wrench in the works. This past weekend was hellish as far as mental health goes, and I didn’t complete a whit of the Challenge. I’m back up now, and raring to go. But with caution this time, not to get ahead of myself and focusing on building up the small things. This is a Google doc detailing my 3 Ages Plan to run a full mudder in September. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O44YhXVRQpkjo6FlkajDhggwOiEnB6Lx_PUc6sqoQ78 Starting out: Shin splints, aching feet, upper body strength equal to a smallish goat, have never even run a 5k (lthough that’s coming up soon). This summer I was in the best shape of my life, and rocked the Boundary Waters repeating one 90 rod portage 3 times, once with a canoe, once taking a pack from someone who was halfway through, returning to help another person with a kayak that was never intended to be carried long distances (we called it the Blue Whale) and all the way back to get my waterbottle which I forgot the first time round. I paid for it later, but I did it, so I’m not technically at square one. Technically. That was in August. I think its an ambitious goal, but for the first time in years and thanks to this community, I have hope that I’ll finish it. Kinda like this. 1 Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted December 12, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 Monday December 11, 2017 Apologies in advance, this post was written in great haste so that I could fulfill my goal of getting 8 hours of sleep. As you may know, last week was the second installment of the 4-week challenge. I failed to muster any grit whatsoever, and entered the second half of the challenge with a good ol’ fashioned mental meltdown. Nothing like it for...something.... Melt-downs must be good for something, right? Anyway, I want this week to be better. I have a plan, it’s long and complicated, with lots of little diagrams and indicator lights but I’ve broken it down into three “ages” like the three ages of Middle Earth, all leading up to the fourth age where Aragorn is crowned king and Sam and the other hobbits rid the Shire of the various maladies that had been scourging it. I’ve put in aplaceholder post until I can put that up here. The First Age: Get it done! Do one thing everyday Meditate Exercise (preferably x3 per week) Take The dog for a (reasonably long, 45-60 minute) walk It doesn’t matter how, it doesn’t matter what, just do it. Track all intake for two weeks (until the end of the challenge) Get 8 hours of sleep per night Today I tracked my intake, I’m going to meditate for 20 minutes now and then go to bed to catch 8 hours. I hope I can maintain this momentum. Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted December 13, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2017 Tuesday December 12 Track intake Complete Beginner’s Bodyweight Workout Bonus! Drink 64 ounces of water Complere warm up and cool down routines All in the space of an hour! Great energy all the way though visualizing myself as my alter-ego, Ecana. I think I got the energy because I’m making sure I get plenty of good fats, avacados, nuts, meat, in my diet. This also helps me stay full so that I don’t go on a snack rampage! No out-of-control snacking for two days! Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted December 16, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2017 Now it’s almost Saturday, weekend before finals. Yay! Everything has been very bad. I’mnot going to whine so I won’t go on, so I’ll just say I’m not proud. However, I drank 32 ounces of water today and danced with friends for 30 minutes. Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted December 16, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2017 Just now, Thanneth Stormdancer said: Now it’s almost Saturday, weekend before finals. Yay! Everything has been very bad. I’mnot going to whine so I won’t go on, so I’ll just say I’m not proud. However, I drank 32 ounces of water today and danced with friends for 30 minutes. Tracked intake Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
TheGreyJedi-Ranger Posted December 19, 2017 Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 Hello friend! Those dragons are ferocious, I've battled them a time or few myself. All three of them actually. So you're definitely not alone. Sometimes the challenges overlap badly with Life™ and things get rough. It happens. I love your idea of dividing out things based on the ages of Middle Earth! That's such a unique way of dividing out your goals. I hope finals treat you okay Quote Grey Jedi Ranger Jedi Becomes Her Own Hero Jedi Battle Log “Keep Calm, Carry On, and Don't Freeze Up!” - Oboro Shirakumo (Loud Cloud), My Hero Academia Vigilantes Challenges: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12. #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23, #24, #25, #26, #27, #28, #29, #30, #31, #32, #33, #34, #35, #36, #37, #38, #39, #40, #41, #42, #43, #44, #45, #46, #47, #48, #49, #50, #51, #52, #53, #54, #55, #56, #57, #58, #59, #60, #61, #62, #63 Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted December 25, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 25, 2017 On 12/19/2017 at 10:44 AM, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said: Hello friend! Those dragons are ferocious, I've battled them a time or few myself. All three of them actually. So you're definitely not alone. Sometimes the challenges overlap badly with Life™ and things get rough. It happens. I love your idea of dividing out things based on the ages of Middle Earth! That's such a unique way of dividing out your goals. I hope finals treat you okay Thank you! Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted January 3, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2018 Hey, I'm back. What's the point of a daily battle log if it isn't daily? I've missed a lot, and continue to make the same choices that put me into this place of dissatisfaction. Happy new year. I have a new challenge, and wish to refer back to the gif at the top of this page. Just some positive imagery. Today Finished eating by 9pm Meditated >5 min. No gluten Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted January 5, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2018 Yesterday I got nothin’. Today A good long sunrise cry Beginner’s bodyweight workout, warm-up and cool down. No gluten Studied for >10 minutes Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted January 10, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 Today: Just some stuff Got three different types of exercise this weekend between skiing, dancing, and ice skating. no bodyweight exercise for three days. I think I have to do it in the morning. I will benefit from it all day, and won’t have the “excuse” of wanting to spend time with my family as we are all usually up late. I’m considering upping my game early when it comes to exercise due to the body of research connecting activity to decreased symptoms of depression. If anyone is struggling with depression right now, or later, whenever this post gets read, I’d love to talk with you. I’’m very lucky to have the support I do, and I know that the support of anyone helps. I’d love to share that support with anyone who needs it. 1 Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Lueretius Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 Greetings fellow warrior I've met with many of the dragons you're battling and thankfully they all have respawns because I have (and will most likely continue to) been met with defeat on many occasions, but keep up the good work because you are moving in the right direction, forward. Quote Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted January 11, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2018 Today Full Bodyweight workout with warm up and down. Walked the dog (15 min) Ate normally and unrestrictedly throughout the day Meditated 10 min 1 Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted January 20, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2018 I’m going to try and make a post every day, using a Habitica daily to keep myself in line. I’m just tryung to make sure that progress is being made and recorded, nothing fancy yet. Today Bike Cave 30 min. 1st gear because I only found out how to add resistance at the end. Rowing: 2000m in 13:11 min. Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Lueretius Posted January 23, 2018 Report Share Posted January 23, 2018 You can do it! Don't forget to update today even if you don't feel like it. Quote Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted January 23, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2018 2 hours ago, Lueretius said: You can do it! Don't forget to update today even if you don't feel like it. Thank you for this. Today 5min eliptical warm up 2000m row in 10:35 min 10 squats/45sec wall sit/30 sec plank/10 jumping j’s/25 crunches/35 sit-ups I also did 10 “push ups” which I am not proud of, formwise. At the time I was struggling to maintain momentum at all, so I allowed myself to do less than my best (not an excuse). 1 Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Lueretius Posted January 24, 2018 Report Share Posted January 24, 2018 Good work! Quote Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted January 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2018 Yesterday No formal work out yeasterday. Instead I went to the local YMCA with an aspiring crossfitter who is a friend of mine. We spent about an hour and a half exploring shared interests on teh floor and on the track and making plans to meet again next Wednesday. I’ve been looking for a gym buddy for a long time and I’m thrilled that this finally worked out (no pun intended). While we do have separate intesests (she’s a warrior or ranger, I’m a assassin or adventurer) we can agree on a love of physical activity that keeps us grounded and moving forward. To adventure! 1 Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Lueretius Posted January 28, 2018 Report Share Posted January 28, 2018 Good work, its great that you're getting a work out buddy. Don't forget to post today Quote Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted January 30, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2018 Hey guys! Just back from a lovely episode of the flu this weekend. 5 min warm up walk___forward + side leg swings x10___Run/walk 20 minutes___Long cool down (I stopped timing, 5+minutes) Not at full strength yet and a little dizzy so I kept things slow. Tommorrow... first calisthetics-style workout! I’ll post the full write-up then, its one I’ve been looking at for a long time. I’ve absolutely abandonned my 5-week challenge set, choosing instead to focus on the 9-month plan. I’m slowly building consistency into my life. The past few months have been an emotional rollercoaster and I haven’t been as active here as I would like. Still, I can’t thank this community enough. Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Lueretius Posted January 30, 2018 Report Share Posted January 30, 2018 Sickness sucks, but don't let it beat you down! Take a health potion and a deep breath then come back refreshed and better then before for having overcome an obstacle in your path! Quote Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted February 8, 2018 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2018 Just checking in. Happy to report that I am still alive! Officially diagnosed with binge eating disorder and attendant anxiety/depression. I’m going into IOP therapy. Also worried about exercising and getting back to the place I was at a few years ago (heck, even last year). I’m fearful (I ackowledge this fear) that I’ll never be as athletic as I was. I can’t just say, screw eating disorders and a messed up body image and hop back on the bandwagon. I’ve tried that. It didn’t work. It might have made my “laziness” worse. I would love any input or comments from fellow Nerds who have experienced similar disorders. No one has to be alone here. Just keep swimming, Thanneth Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
TheGreyJedi-Ranger Posted February 8, 2018 Report Share Posted February 8, 2018 9 hours ago, Thanneth Stormdancer said: Officially diagnosed with binge eating disorder and attendant anxiety/depression. I’m going into IOP therapy. Also worried about exercising and getting back to the place I was at a few years ago (heck, even last year). I’m fearful (I ackowledge this fear) that I’ll never be as athletic as I was. I can’t just say, screw eating disorders and a messed up body image and hop back on the bandwagon. I’ve tried that. It didn’t work. It might have made my “laziness” worse. I would love any input or comments from fellow Nerds who have experienced similar disorders. No one has to be alone here. Okay so I was never formally diagnosed with anything, but I went to therapy for what I called "eating issues" and also bad anxiety. I couldn't stay with it (because I lost my job and source of income and insurance) but even a little bit was so helpful. And I've also read the heck out of "Intuitive Eating," which has a lot of comments on that sort of thing. Basically, before you can worry about exercising, you have to focus on your relationship with food and your body. If exercise is something that triggers you, you should take a break from hardcore exercise. I took a break from working out for a while because my mindset had become "Gotta work out so I can eat actual food" or "have to work out otherwise I'm awful" and those aren't really good mindsets. I've made it a personal rule to never do intense work outs when my brain says "you need to do this so that you can burn off those calories of what you just ate because it was too much" whether too much was eating a single cupcake after lunch or if it was eating an entire sleeve of crackers, 2 Little Debbie cakes, and a container of pudding for a snack. If you can find something to do to keep yourself active that's less intense (walking outside, doing light yoga/stretching, going to a park or a dog park and watching people/animals, wandering around a shopping mall- especially an outdoor one, etc) it can probably help the anxiety/depression (if that helps you, sometimes activity doesn't help people). In regards to your athleticism fear: maybe try to figure out why you're scared you won't be as athletic? Is it because you have a sport/exercise that you enjoy that you want to be able to continue to perform in? Or is it an aesthetics based issue- AKA is the fear related to your body image? Or is it something else entirely? Just something to keep in mind. Hopefully this helps you <3 Quote Grey Jedi Ranger Jedi Becomes Her Own Hero Jedi Battle Log “Keep Calm, Carry On, and Don't Freeze Up!” - Oboro Shirakumo (Loud Cloud), My Hero Academia Vigilantes Challenges: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12. #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23, #24, #25, #26, #27, #28, #29, #30, #31, #32, #33, #34, #35, #36, #37, #38, #39, #40, #41, #42, #43, #44, #45, #46, #47, #48, #49, #50, #51, #52, #53, #54, #55, #56, #57, #58, #59, #60, #61, #62, #63 Link to comment
Thanneth Stormdancer Posted February 8, 2018 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2018 I went for a long time without thinking that I had an eating disorder, I just thought it was "normal" to worry about what I was eating as much as I did and being as anxious about my body as I was am. I've heard a lot of positive things about intuitive eating, and I've been doing my own research. So far it seems that, against all intuition, stopping worrying about my weight/shape is the only way to make sure I don't go off the deep end, and not worry about exercising in order to make a recovery. But when I try to remember what I feel instead of what I think, I realize that I love sports. I don't like exercising very much, but I love moving and climbing over things and jumping around. It keeps me in touch with my childhood self and gives me something to release nervous and competitive energy. And that's what I'm afraid to lose. How do you tell when your exercising because you really want to and when your doing it as a punishment? Sure there is body image mixed up with it. I know it may hinder my "recovery", if one ever actually dismisses that kind of thing, but I love to move so much, even just turning up whatever is on the radio and flailing randomly, that I just might take that risk. And that's scary too. Having written this out, I think what I need to do is find ways to move that aren't conventional exercise. I know my dog would love to get one more walk a day! I definitely like to people watch too, so maybe just wandering around the city where I live is one way. Results of a quick google search on movement not exercise: http://www.benmedder.com/movement/ Anyway. Long story short: More self investigation is required. Quote “Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.” Aragorn II, Heir of Isildur and Cheiftan of the Dunedain Current Challenge Battle Log: Thanneth faces the Dragons of Disorder Link to comment
Lueretius Posted February 20, 2018 Report Share Posted February 20, 2018 Glad to see you're making progress on this journey of self discovery. I've always found mindfulness helps immensely. I look forward to seeing more about what you're doing and how you're doing Quote Link to comment
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