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Re-Introductions/Me ranting about myself I guess

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I don't even know when was the last time I wrote on this board, nothing shows up in "what I follow" meaning it's been over a year and honestly that isn't too terrible surprising.


I'm not 100% sure even when I joined.

So I'm not 100% sure when I fell behind the promises I made to myself.


I know I was getting on board with it back in 2016, to the point my body was rebelling! I was so sick most of the time!  It was a nightmare, and sadly my employeers totally agreed and had to let me go.  So while I gave into my body's want of junk food for comfort, I also got my old job back and was supporting both my fiance (at the time, now just significant other) and myself.


It was enough to drive me into the arms of my paranoia, anxiety, and depression.  All lovely symptoms of my childhood PTSD reacting to my worry about all the uncertainty.  To be clear, I don't know of any other way to be, but I'm working towards not having it in such a negative fashion in my life.  Those feelings exist and are real, but they're just knee jerk reactions to things and most likely not true.  Probably. 






During this stressful time I gave in and started playing otome games on my phone.  From there I fell in love with one in particular "Guard Me Sherlock" and realizing there wasn't a blog dedicated to it I started one.  From there things have spiraled..... in a good direction.


Since starting that blog I have:

  • Reconnected with an old best friend, she and I maybe DON'T talk to each one day every two months
  • Started writing more than I ever did when I was in school for writing
  • Found that writing was more effective for dealing with stress and my mental health
  • Discovered my real writing process
  • Been offered a job writing a visual novel game for an 'in the works' visual novel company (may not make any money depending on how well the company gets off the ground BUT HEY!!!)[also note that the job was offered because of my fanfiction, cool right?!]
  • Become haunted by the characters I love so much from these games that they are almost constantly fidgeting in the back of my imagination and making comments about what's going on.  (Hey I'm not hallucinating, my imaginary friend's are just active.)
  • I've also co-created a character with said friend and her story has people actually and continuously concerned for my health because if I go so do my stories and the characters I work with.
  • Slowly I'm also getting better at talking with people, mostly online, but I'm working towards getting over the idea of "I can't talk to them because I'm bothering them" mentality.  You never know until you hit send.


However... somethings have come up....

  • Carpal Tunnel
  • Shortness of Breath
  • My half orc body is able to take the mild electrocutions and keep going, my human heart but not recover as fast
  • Carpal Tunnel
  • How happy Vegetables make me when I can actually get them in my diet
  • The fact that my own imaginary friend's are concerned
  • Carpal Tunnel


Okay so the main pain is carpal tunnel... meaning that there are times when the characters are loud, but I can't write it down.  Doctors are saying 1. change your job and 2. lose weight.


Okay so I got point #1 in the works, company is moving me to a different location that should be easier on my body.... but that means #2 is waiting in the wings, tapping it's foot, and constantly checking it's watch.  The universe may have been dropping hints that it's time for a change for a while, but I've given it the barest of acknowledgements... now it's given me these fantastic things.  Working towards being a storyteller, a bard.  However it now seems that if I don't start making changes I'm going to lose the things that I hold dear.


My current goals:

  1. More Sleep/Better Sleep
  2. Getting outside and walking more
  3. Having a set writing schedule
  4. Stretching
  5. More variety of foods


Long term goals:

  1. Muderella
  2. Half my tops being stuff I made
  3. Having my writing out there for people to see
  4. Feeling comfortable in what I wear
  5. Having a decent collection of recipes I don't mind sharing


I've spent so much of my life scared, worried someone was going to kill me, worried that people didn't like me, believing that there was nothing to like at all. And as one of my new friends have told me, "You remind me of MC".  And honestly I think it's about time I let myself be the MC of my own story.


There's so much more to say but... I could probably write a novel on the insanity lol




Carpal Tunnel is threatening to take away my writing which is really something I cherish, love, and is good for my mental health.  Gotta change my lifestyle if I want to keep it at bay. 




  1. Pokemon
  2. Otome Games
  3. D20 Modern/D&D
  4. Voltron
  5. Gravity Falls/Mysteries in General
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Welcome back, newbie here too sounds like you have a lot going on. My daughter writes fan fiction, never read anything, but she has characters and writes stories and loves online gaming. Glad you found your way back and good luck with everything. Would one of those dictation programs help with your writing, obviously not able to use it in public, but at home, could maybe help so you aren't typing so much.  Looks like a good plan to get you started on your short and long-term goals.

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