Seabright's 2018 Battle Log of Awesomeness

[Seabright]

Sat & Sun - weekend summary

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - stumble on Sat morning. pressed for time and ate sugar.
• Lunch - stumble on Sun. exhausted, didn't feel like hitting the grocery store, spousal unit brought home crap.
• Dinner - pretty good both days, except champagne on Sat, beer on Sun.
• Snacks - jamba juice at one point, 1/2 a 70% choc bar at another.

Overall, could have been worse. I stuck to one drink each day with friends. The sugary Sat morning was definitely an anomaly for me--not that good, and was hungry again right away.

 

Daily exercise

• Sat - 90 mins of yoga! breathing, standing poses, and hip openers.
• Sun - rest.

Taking time

• This was hard to find, but spent a few mins in the garden with the kitties.

Bravery & Patience

• Found myself reliving something that happened at work on Friday throughout the weekend. 
• I think it was because it felt personal, and really rankled. 
• Never really found a solution, but played out possible scenarios multiple times (we all know how satisfying/not that can be).
• Finally arrived at, 'The episode says more about the other person than it does about me.' My attempt at moving on.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Tons of mandolinist with friends on Sat night.
• Hey! i picked out a few  melodies on the spur of the moment! It felt like i was actually jamming.
• Sun was spent lying on the couch reading most of the day.

Act like a leader. 

• Planning my conversation with the director on Monday.
• I'm going to start with,, 'I think MC told you this, but i just wanted to follow up with you about that and get your perspective. How real is that as a possibility? Would I actually be considered for such a thing, and if not, what skills would you like to see me work on in the meantime?'

Side challenges: 

• Update my resume. Ye gods.
  • Update #1: Started. Pulled out the old one, and looked at what i want my next career step to be. Started gathering info from existing job descriptions on LinkedIn, looking for key words and phrases, or a consistent skill that I'm missing. Marked up current resume, noting opportunities to change focus and tighten up. It might be time to drop that Seagate role...it's been 10 years since that one.
  • Update #2: No additional progress. Meetings all day, side-tracked by job discussion. This challenge is coming at a good time, since it's really forcing me to think deeply, and make a forward-looking decision. To-date, most of my job moves have been to run away from something, as opposed to running towards a goal (other than, you know, more money). Would like the next job change to be strategic.
  • Update #3: Thinking about this a lot. Nothing actually written down, but I've decided on an approach. Will find some quiet time this weekend (Sunday morning) and execute. At least a draft, anyway.
  • Update #4: Incomplete. I thought about this, but never executed. It's back on my radar, though, and I've made a note to revisit this next month.

[Seabright]

Monday, July 2

 

This is the week I thoroughly explore that lateral move opportunity, and what it might mean for me long-term. Plus, my pants fit a tiny bit better today. :-)

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs, onions, red bells, spinach, very small handful of almonds and currants.
• Lunch - big ol' salad with chicken. 
• Dinner - seasoned chicken breast and veggies.
• Snack - nuts.

Daily exercise

• The Plan: yoga when I get home tonight.
• The Results: 25 mins of yoga, very slow sun salutation.

Taking time

• Nice walk over to building 6 for lunch. Nice day, and not too hot. 
• Noticed, not for the first time, that other people on this floor hang out, play ping pong, watch the game, etc. Starting to think I'm too uptight. 

Bravery & Patience

• Met with the Director today! And had a meaningful conversation!
• Left feeling good about the ambiguous future and what that might mean for my ambitions to lead a small. team. I put it out there, and she sounded happy to know there was someone on the team who felt ready. It gives her more options as she looks at how to organize her group in the future.
• So, yay!

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Done!
• Started Shucking the Corn. Hard. Didn't get very far.

Act like a leader. 

• Executed on my conversation plan. Actually wrote out a script and practiced, so that it would sound, you know, natural and not-scripted. ;-)

Side challenges: 

• Change my language -> Change my mindset -> Change my actions. 
• Finish the Crimson Berets Special Ops. I get to! It's going to rock! Great alone time opportunity, and a chance to feel good, too. Woo hoo! 
• TIL
• Research William F. McGill (and email Lev). DONE!

[Seabright]

[Stuff I'm thinking about in terms of Should or Have to] ---> [Changing the language]

 

I have to do yoga every morning. --> I love doing yoga every day because it makes me feel great. 

I have to eat right. --> I just eat right, plane and simple. It gives me energy.

I should quit drinking coffee. --> I stay away from caffeinated drinks. I like feeling calm-minded and serene.

I should walk more. --> I like to walk because it gives me time to think about things. 

I should finish the tidying up exercise. --> I can't wait to do my tidying up stuff. I know it will make me feel great. 

I should open up that new pressure cooker. --> I can't wait to unpack the new pressure cooker. 

I have to learn how to use that new pressure cooker. --> I'm excited about the new pressure cooker and I can't wait to start using it. 

I should buy some jicama for those paleo home fries. --> I'm going to pick up some jicama during my next grocery run. 

I should learn a new fiddle tune. --> I love having the direction of learning new fiddle tunes. 

I should find a slow jam and go to it. --> I want to try out the last-Sunday-of-the-month jam in the park, because it could be a great place to get to play mandolin with others in a non-judgmental environment. 

 

 

 

[Seabright]

Tues, July 3

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - apple. Then, later, veggie omelet.
• Lunch - salad.
• Dinner - chicken breast and veggies. bottle o' beer.
• Snacks - apple and handful of nuts.

Daily exercise

• Finally did the recruitment test.
• Warmed-up, did the thing, cooled down.
• Done!

Taking time

• Strolled in garden with kitties around my ankles.
• Got the car washed. 
• Got a little chair massage.
• Walked around Macy's and looked at stuff.

Bravery & Patience

• Knocked off at 2pm and gave myself a break. 

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Nada.

Act like a leader. 

• Solved a big-ass gnarly problem by persevering, being patient and positive.
• Feel like I rebuilt the bridge a partly destroyed last Friday.

Side challenges: 

• Change my language -> Change my mindset -> Change my actions. DONE!
• Finish the Crimson Berets Special Ops. I get to! It's going to rock! Great alone time opportunity, and a chance to feel good, too. Woo hoo! DONE!
• TIL
• (Self) Judgement Day - Day 1. 
  • Situation - trying to unpack the pressure cooker.
  • Thought - I am so lame.
  • Type  - Beating up.

[Seabright]

Wed, July 4

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs w/veggies and 2 strips bacon.
• Lunch - chicken strips. could have been worse. 
• Dinner - turkey burger with salsa and steamed broc.
• Dessert - blueberries, blackberries, and strawberries in a bowl with sliced almonds and shredded unsweetened coconut.
• Snacks - apple and a big glass of lemonade.

Daily exercise

• None.
• I always feel blech-y all day when I don't do anything.

Taking time

• Gardened a bit.
• Went to the movies with the spousal unit.

Bravery & Patience

• None really.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Done!

Act like a leader. 

• Nada.

Side challenges: 

• Change my language -> Change my mindset -> Change my actions. DONE!
• TIL
• (Self) Judgement Day - Day 2. 
  • Situation - looked at the newly unpacked slow cooker on the dining room table (multiple times throughout the day). 
  • Thought - What the hell's wrong with me? Why can't I whip it up to try this thing out? Why did I spend money on this? Where am I going to put this thing?
  • Type  - Beating self up. Lots and lots of beating self up.

[Seabright]

Thur, July 5

 

Feels like Monday, but it's really Thursday. 

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs and bacon
• Lunch - salad with turkey chunks. shared with Emma. ;-)
• Dinner - turkey burger lettuce wrap and a handful of sweet potato fries.
• Snacks - apple, handful of cashews.

Daily exercise

• Warm-up, then 25 mins yoga.
• Standing poses. These really kill me. 
• Cool down.

Taking time

• Sat outside to take my calls. 
• Lovely afternoon in the garden, after chilly morning.

Bravery & Patience

• Did Kenna's thing. Once I got started, it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be!

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Forgot. Lame

Act like a leader. 

• Was kind to others.

Side challenges: 

• Change my language -> Change my mindset -> Change my actions. DONE!
• TIL. DONE!
• (Self) Judgement Day - Day 3. 
  • Situation - looked at the slow cooker, which i keep thinking of as the 'pressure' cooker, still sitting there on the table, untouched 
  • Thought - It's not the slow cooker itself, it's the title, 'Slow Cooker'. Bad connotations. Will think of something else. 
  • Type  - Beating self up. Ish. Moving away from that and acknowledging that it is what it is. It's okay to be in just-get-things-done mode, and not have to be thinking ahead every second of the day. Gave myself points for cooking dinner the last 2 weeks, rather than doing fast food every night.
  • Gold star for me.

[Seabright]

Fri, July 6

 

Boy. Tough to stay focused when so many folks at work are out on vacay. Note to self: take time off, too. ;-)

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs and bacon
• Lunch - salad with chicken.
• Snacks - apple.
• Dinner - gorgeous evening. I mean, really beautiful. And it's Friday! treated self and spousal unit be going down to the brewery for dinner. Had 2 small margaritas (instead of splitting a pitcher of beer), and had the salmon spinach salad (no cheese, no bread). Made the conscious choice to treat self with the cocktails with no regrets. 

Daily exercise

• Warm-up, then 20 mins yoga.
• Strength and balance poses.  
• Cool down.

Taking time

• Spent time in the garden. 

Bravery & Patience

• Grabbed my laptop and went into the living room to finish the thing.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Done!

Act like a leader. 

• Whoa. Very challenged after a horrible meeting led by the new product guy (to be referred to in the future as 'The Spanking Machine') not to dish the dirt with my design partner. 
• Failed. Dirt was dished.
• Later I realized that his argumentative and punitive behavior says more about him than it does about us. More to be pitied then censured. Extended sympathy to him mentally.

Side challenges: 

• Change my language -> Change my mindset -> Change my actions. DONE!
• (Self) Judgement Day - Day 4. 
  • Situation -  Realized that I never made time to play my mandolin yesterday.
  • Thought - Felt totally lame and like a huge loser. What's wrong with me?!
  • Type  - Beating self up. Wow, that's a pretty huge reaction for missing a little 15 minute practice. Looking at this makes me realized how much stress I'm carrying around. It surfaces in some weird and extreme ways. 

[Seabright]

Sat, July 7

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs w/veggies
• Lunch - crispy chicken strip fail.
• Dinner - seasoned chicken with veggies. split a beer with the spousal unit instead of getting a six pack.

Daily exercise

• Geez. Woke up with a very stiff and painful-about-to-go-out back. Yesterday's strength and balance session? Dunno, but scary.
• Almost bailed on yoga, but girded my loins.
• Very slow, gentle yogaing for 20 minutes. Focused on just moving, loosening back, lower abdomen, and inner hips.
• Felt better.
• Then went out and sawed down a bunch of huge tree branches. Lots of walking back and forth. Didn't capture steps, but there were a lot of them.

Taking time

• Took the long way home back from Dad's. 
• Volunteered to go to the grocery store.

Bravery & Patience

• Patient with Dad, who was a tad out of sorts this evening.
• We've been at this long enough, now, that I recognize the symptoms. Took our time, was very gentle, and got him out in the garden with the sun on his face.
• All was well when I left.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Done!

Act like a leader. 

• Showed leadership when I refocused a conversation to picking out garden furniture for when we're in the chips next year. ;-)

Side challenges: 

• Change my language -> Change my mindset -> Change my actions. DONE!
• (Self) Judgement Day - Day 5. 
  • Situation -  Beer with the spousal unit with dinner.
  • Thought - Geez, this is only going to make me fat and flabby. Overwhelmed by despair, thinking I can never have a beer on a hot evening again. 
  • Type  - Self-loathing. And ridiculous. A beer on a hot evening isn't going to derail things that much, since it won't be a habit like it was before. We have very few warm evenings here, and it's okay to celebrate them. (Next time, though, maybe I can have lemonade instead of beer. Note to self: buy some lemonade on the next hot day.)

[Seabright]

Sun, July 8

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs w/veggies and 3 strips bacon
• Lunch -  salad w/chicken
• Dinner - teriyaki chicken bowl w/1.5 egg rolls.
• Snacks - jamba juice.

Daily exercise

• 40 minute yoga session. Slow sun salutation and back bend-y stuff.

Taking time

• Lots of garden time. 

Bravery & Patience

• None.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• None.

Act like a leader. 

• Took the day off.

Side challenges: 

• Change my language -> Change my mindset -> Change my actions. DONE!

[Seabright]

Mon, July 9

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs w/veggies, plain bagel later in the morning.
• Lunch -  chicken and egg plant.
• Dinner - turkey burger and broc.

Daily exercise

• 15 mins of yoga - more back bend-y things.

Taking time

• Drove through the main part of Los Gatos, instead of sneaking around back. Much slower, but pleasant to window shop at 5 mph. 

Bravery & Patience

• None.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Done!

Act like a leader. 

• Fail. Complained (bitterly) about the new PD biz lead. In front of others. And invited them to join in.
• This situation is going to be a challenge for me. A real leader would just ignore the attitude and move on. I didn't, instead savoring the negative situation and prolonging it with gossip.
• Not cool. 

Side challenges: 

• 20 seconds of courage. DONE! Finally opened those boxes and tried stuff on. 
• TIL.
• Cold shower.
• Measure progress. 
• Outer judgement - day 1
  • Situation: horrible product review comments.
  • Negative judgement: the new PD biz lead is a big jerk.
  • Mental optics: the new PD is insecure and hasn't learned how we work yet.

[Seabright]

Tue, July 10

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs and veggies.
• Lunch -  salad w/chicken (<- huge win. walked right by the post-meeting lunch of enchiladas covered in cheese, beans, rice, and desserts, and went down to the cafe and made a little salad). 
• Dinne - chicken and veggies.
• Snacks - apples and handful of nuts n' dried fruit.

Daily exercise

• 40 mins of yoga - focusing on hip openers.
• Done in the evening, instead of the morning.
• I like doing yoga after work, but it does cut into time for other things.

Taking time

• Yoga, baby.

Bravery & Patience

• Held my own in a meeting full of loud voices.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Not done. Home late, yoga, dinner, then tv'ing.

Act like a leader. 

• Semi-fail. Started in again with gossip and complaining from yesterday, but this time to someone else. 
• An hour later, shame set in. What would this sound like to someone I respected? Would Ariege (cool leader) or Brad (another super-cool leader) behave like this? I don't think so. No. They would not. 
• Lifted my head, took it out of my a$$, and decided the only behavior that I could control was really my own. A real leader wouldn't act like this. 
• I feel like I found a way to move on. Gossip is self-indulgent, and only makes you look bad. 

Side challenges: 

• 20 seconds of courage. DONE! Sat down and wrote the content for that one thing. Finally.
• TIL. DONE! Slow cooker research.
• Cold shower.
• Measure progress. 
• Outer judgement - day 2
  • Situation: Porsche going too slow in the fast lane going over Hwy 17 on the mountain.
  • Negative judgement: That driver thinks they're so great, they don't care about any other driver on the road.
  • Mental optics: This driver is really insecure on this scary road, and probably never has driven it before during rush hour. They are more to be pitied then censure. 

[Seabright]

Wed, July 11

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs and veggies.
• Lunch -  chicken teriyaki bowl and an egg roll.
• Dinner - seasoned chicken and veggies. berries for dessert.
• Snacks - apple.

When I work from home and the spousal unit is here, too, I don't go to the salad bar, for some reason, and get fast-food instead. That sh*t cannot stand. 

 

Daily exercise

• 35 mins of yoga. Breathing and twisting.

Taking time

• Had a myofascial massage. Holy smokes! It was awesome!

Bravery & Patience

• Sent that design manager writing samples and a link to my wiki.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Not done. 
• Similar situation to the lunch fail. For some reason, I'm reluctant to do my own thing when the spousal unit is around. There's definite pout-age happening when I announce that I need a few minutes to myself. 
• This is on me. The pout-age will go away if it's simply ignored and I get my stuff done. If I'm doing my own stuff, I'll be happier, and a little bit of spousal-unit-related pout-age will be super-easy to shrug off.

Act like a leader. 

• Gave kind feedback to a colleague.
• Gave kind feedback to the intern.

Side challenges: 

• 20 seconds of courage. DONE! Used it to start putting up writing samples, and then powered through until done.
• Cold shower. DONE! Sort of snuck into it. Took my regular shower, then slowly turned the hot water waaaaaay down
• Measure progress. Not done. I weighed myself earlier in the week, and that's all I'm willing to do right now. I made progress with weight, I don't really want to have everything else thrown in my face. Also, I just don't have time mid-week, and if the flash mission expires before the weekend, I don't have the desire to push to get it done. 
• Outer judgement - day 3
  • Situation: Spousal unit wanted to talk while I was cranking out an assignment, and got bent when I said I was busy.
  • Negative judgement: What a big baby. Can he not see that I'm working? I'm not on vacation, at his beck and call.
  • Mental optics: Jeez, lighten up. He just wanted to tell me something. 

[Seabright]

Thur, July 12

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - veggie omelet and bacon.
• Lunch - salad with grilled chicken.
• Dinner - turkey  burger lettuce wrap, handful of sweet potato fries.
• Snacks - apples and handful of nuts and dried fruit.

 

Daily exercise

• 35 mins of yoga. Gentle unwind. 
• Feeling and not-feeling the effects from yesterday's myofascial session. Will have to see how this all shakes down, physically.

Taking time

• Drove through Los Gatos again, just for the slowed-down-window-shopping opportunity. 

Bravery & Patience

• Pushed back and lost.
• I fought the good fight, though.
• Made the changes...hopefully with good grace.
• In other news: I have sort of an interview today. Let's see how it goes.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• None. See yesterday's comment.

Act like a leader. 

• Worked with a teammate to address her concerns and solve a problem.
• I feel like overall I'm failing in this area, though. I notice that I'm consistently on the edge of losing it in meetings. 
• Drinking too much coffee is part of the problem, since it puts me on edge. Another thing is that I've spent a LOT of time on the freeway in the past few months getting vehicularly bullied by people in Teslas and big, shiny, brand-new trucks. I'm unwilling to take it in person when I get in the office.
• Do I need to work on my behavior in meetings, though? I notice that the guys don't have a problem with raising their voices, talking very fast, and staunchly defending their opinions. Why should I feel like I'm out of line when I do the same?

Side challenges: 

• 20 seconds of courage. DONE! Went to the meeting, asked questions, listened, and then sold myself a bit, even though I'm still not sure I want it.
• Cold shower. DONE! Same as yesterday, but a little colder for a little longer. 
• Outer judgement - Day 4
  • Situation: Confrontation in a meeting.
  • Negative judgement: I hate everybody.
  • Mental optics: I wish I could stay calmer in meetings. I need to stop drinking coffee if I'm not going to get fired.

[Seabright]

Fri, July 13

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - bacon and eggs.
•  

Daily exercise

• 25 mins of yoga. Slow sun salutation with lots of pose-holding.

Taking time

•  

Bravery & Patience

• Taking Dad to the doc today. I don't think there's really anything wrong, but it will probably make everyone feel better to hear that from the doc (you know, again).
• I think it's hard for people to understand that we're nearing the end, or at least, the beginning of the end. There's only so much that can be done.
• It's weird to think that I'm the one who needs to explain this to them, but with the recent management change, this may actually be the first time the new guy has had this type of responsibility. It's okay to do a doc visit to keep everyone centered and feeling okay. Not the end of the world, and can't hurt. Who knows? There may be something that can help, so let's check in and find out.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

•  

Act like a leader. 

• Working from home today, and this is making it much easier to do the thing.
• Gave calm, helpful feedback (as opposed to yesterday's reaction).
• Did the thing and patiently explained why. If I get additional push-back, will just shrug my shoulders and make it so. Not worth anything more, and not worth the stress this is causing. 

Side challenges: 

• 20 seconds of courage. DONE! Took Dad for a little drive through the yacht harbor, even though it was tempting fate. 
• Cold shower. DONE! A little longer, a little colder.  
• Outer judgement - Day 5
  • Situation: Barely acknowledged by the girl behind the desk at TL when I arrived.
  • Negative judgement: Boy, she's arrogant and self-absorbed.
  • Mental optics: Actually, she just doesn't speak English that well and she's super-shy.

[Seabright]

Sat & Sun - weekend summary

 

I wish I had done detailed tracking this weekend, because I made some smart eating decisions and was really proud of myself. The spousal unit was pretty sick, and it would have been easy to slack off, but, well, I didn't. 

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - All good.
• Lunch - All good. Especially proud of Saturday - was running late, and instead of gross stuff from Jack-in-the-Box, i ran into Shopper's Corner and bought a packet of lunch meat to nosh on.
• Dinner - Stellar. Very proud of Saturday's self, when at the family reunion dinner I had salmon served with parsnip puree and morels, skipped the canolli and had coffee for dessert. 
• Snacks - Apples mostly. On a tough-ish morning I bought the latest John Grisham instead of a candy bar. Late in the weekend, I had almond-macadamia-pomegranite Kind bars, instead of Snickers. 

Overall, could have been worse, and was proud of those decisions. Alcohol-wise, I had ONE AND ONLY ONE margarita with the fam, and a little bit of red wine last night with dinner.

 

Daily exercise

• Tons and tons of gardening, but nothing official.
• Was really physically exhausted by Sunday afternoon, though, so lots of effort spent...just no way to really measure.

Taking time

• Really thought about this over the weekend. Went into the garden with the kitties, but did it mindfully and savored the moments.
• Also drove through the yacht harbor on the way back from Dad's. 

Bravery & Patience

• Found myself thinking about the prior week. Bravely looked at my behavior. Bravely decided I could have handled things better, but that the guys behaved exactly the same way. 
• But decided that I don't want to be like 'the guys'. 
• A friend recommended reading 'Lean in', but all copies were checked out of the library. On waiting list for when one is returned. 

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Bits here and there. 
• I'm learning how to just grab it off the wall and play a few tunes while dinner is cooking. Not ideal, but getting something in.

Act like a leader. 

• Thought about my pro/con list for the job change. Will formalize today and actually write stuff down. 

[Seabright]

Mon, July 16

 

Woke up a tad out of sorts. Hard to get going today.

 

Update: Was thinking about it, and realized the source of the out-of-sortness was seeing some pics that someone sent around of the family dinner. i think my vision of myself as someone who is making progress, contrasted with the visual evidence of how far I have to go, was a bit of a bummer. I hate to think that I let myself get to the point where I felt bad...but I guess I did. To the point where I kicked off my day with a chocolate croissant on the way to work, instead of waiting to get in and go over to the cafeteria for a real breakfast.

 

Next time I'll be more prepared for this type of thing. Maybe not look at pictures for a while. :-)

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - All bad. Chocolate croissant, followed by a poppyseed bagel, followed by a little chocolate truffle. Fail. 
• Lunch - Followed the rule 'Never two in a row'. Turned things around with a nice salad with grilled chicken (still warm!)
• Dinner - Turkey burger lettuce wrap, and, like, 4 sweet potato fries. 

Daily exercise

• FORCED myself to do a little yoga-ing. Mostly stretching, but at least I got moving.
• 20 minute walk mid-day. Trying to take back some time at work.

Taking time

• When I realized I didn't have any meetings for a change, I went for a walk along the marshland trail. 

Bravery & Patience

• The walk thing was actually brave. I need to get over feeling like people are watching how I use my time. They really really aren't.
• Patiently waited for my turn to comment, instead of bursting out right at the beginning. Had to literally sit on my hands.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• None.

Act like a leader. 

• Made my pro/con list.

[Seabright]

Lateral move: pros and cons

 

Pros

• Would get a new manager.
• Would have a whole new team, and possibly feel refreshed. I'm currently feeling a little jaded.
• Writing for a new audience, with a new set of problems = new challenge.
• Would show that i can do more than write for accountants.
• Would keep me from being pigeon-holed, and demonstrate that i can work broadly.
• Would give me the opportunity to do different types of writing work. Currently I'm very label-heavy. ;-)
• Expose me to more people...including other decision-makers on the team.
• Might help when it comes time to put myself out there for a team leader role.
• I would come out of the 'partnership' area, and move into the core product (read: revenue stream).
• Product I'd be going to is new.
• I'm currently waaaay overworked, being the only content person on a huge suite of products, trying to support multiple teams and projects. While this is also a product suite, it's less mature with fewer moving parts. 
• Currently frustrated with a change in product leadership, and I see things going south as far as team dynamics and cross-functional partnerships

Cons

• I have a great relationship with this design manager, and I don't need to proved myself anymore. With a new team, I would have to start over. 
• Rumors that the design manager of the group I'd be going to is very difficult to work with (workaholic, micromanager, in your face).
• I have great relationships with my interaction and visual designers, and we work well together. I would have to establish new relationships, and may never achieve this level of collaboration.
• I'm comfortable where I am...they like me, I like them, I can work from home without issues, and generally set my own schedule. This may not be possible with the new team.
• I would be moving into the unknown. It could be horrible. 
• While my current manager isn't awesome, I"ve found a way to work with him. My new reporting manager could actually be worse. 
• No additional money, so why take the risk?

 

 

I'll add to this list as I think of things, but when I look over this, I see 'fear of the unknown' as the biggest con.

 

Ain't that always the way?

[Seabright]

Tue, July 17

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - Scrambled eggs and bacon.
• Lunch - Caramel frappuccino and chicken strips.
• Dinner - None.

 

The dentist appt was 2 hours of hideousness. Came out and 'rewarded' myself with the frappuccino. I thought i would be mad at myself later for it, but I was in so much pain when the novo wore off that I didn't care.

 

Daily exercise

• 10 min warm-up, then 20 mins of standing poses. This is officially the hardest of the mid-week sequences I do. 
• Because it's hard, sort of hurts, and is hard, too, as well, also.
• Here was another day when I just plain did not want to do it. But this time I did. Bonus points!

Taking time

• Left the dentist and drove out the West Cliff. Took the slow way along the coast line back to the house.

Bravery & Patience

• Have to get a new crown this morning. Dentist = bravery.
  • Update: Listen to your gut. My dentist was on maternity leave, so I got the sub...who looked like he just stepped out of dental school in June. Everything in my head was screaming, 'Cancel! Cancel now and get out!' but I just went in and sat in the chair. While he drilled and drilled and drilled and drilled. 2 hours later, he was still struggling to put the temporary crown on my tooth. Never. Again.
• Also on deck: need to reach out to the hiring manager about last week's 'interview' with the design partner. I think I can help the team, which makes me more excited about making the move.
  • Update: At the end of the day, sent a note. No response, so that's not actually a good sign. I did it, though. 

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Done!
• Learned something new when my lesson video wouldn't load. 
• Practiced for a long time, and tried singing a new song while frantically chopping.

Act like a leader 

• On deck: curb the negative trash talk about the new PD lead. Not. Cool.
• I mean, really. Not. Will report back at the end of day to see how I did.
• Update: Curbed. Took a couple of deep breaths.

RPG awareness training 

Deep breaths when I feel the negative trash-talk-y nasty judgement-y thoughts coming on - of myself or others.

• Day 1: Took deep breath when thinking about the new product biz lead. Didn't make me feel better, but perhaps broke the cycle. 

 

[Seabright]

Wed, July 18

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - Eggs and veggies.
• Lunch - Nice salad with chicken.
• Dinner - Fail but not really. Ate a little bit of dinner with Dad with TL. The wonderful wonderful Aaron had made a lovely casserole and was very proud of it, plus, it's just a super-nice thing to eat dinner with Dad. So, just a very small bowl of meet/pasta/cheese casserole. It was delicious. Followed-up later with an Amy's non-dairy enchilada.

 

Daily exercise

• 10 min warm-up, then 20 mins of strength and balance yoga. Boat poses and straight-arm side planks are hard!
• Walk at lunchtime.
• 5,000 steps. 

Taking time

• Lunchtime walk
• Garden time with the kittens
• Oceans of private mando time

Bravery & Patience

• First thing this morning, I mean, like, FIRST thing, was another something from the new biz lead. 
• So, this is what I decided to do: give up. This is a HUGE act of bravery for me. 
• Note: I think I'm only able to do this because I think there's still a chance I might get that job. This morning there still wasn't a response from the hiring manager, but I decided to go ahead and let myself dream, if it makes getting through today easier. ;-)
• Update: Meeting set for noon about the thing. Practiced my smiling acquiescence in the bathroom mirror to make sure I come off super-engaged and totally up for it.
• Update on the meeting: I did it! So glad I thought through my responses in advance. I feel that I came off understanding, probing, measured, and mature. For the first time in a while, I was proud of the way I acted in a difficult meeting.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Done!
• Lots and lots!
• Returning to 'Shuckin' the Corn'. Holy smokes! I love playing this tune! Just barely getting started, but it sort of feels like this is coming a little bit more easily than it did a while ago.

Act like a leader 

• On deck: Chin up. The whole day. And practice keeping my mouth shut.
• Update: Done. See bravery entry.

RPG awareness training (3 days)

Deep breaths when I feel the negative trash-talk-y nasty judgement-y thoughts coming on - of myself or others.

• Day 1: Took deep breath when thinking about the new product biz lead. Didn't make me feel better, but perhaps broke the cycle. 
• Day 2: Took ANOTHER deep breath when thinking about the new product biz lead.  Update: just took another deep breath, thinking about the same thing.

[Seabright]

Making a case for the 10-day Yosemite Trail Ride in 2019

• It's less than half the cost of the 28-day ride.
• 10 days is still a good long time in the saddle.
• We'll have time to save the cash-ola.
• Shorter time away means fewer days of cat-sitting expenses.
• It's in August, so it won't be so cold.
• While the 28-day ride is something I've always wanted to do, this one would also be fantastic, and wouldn't in and of itself preclude the longer ride in a year or two (landmark birthday, perhaps?)
• We can drive to the trail head in one day. No need for airfare or additional travel time.
• Saving up 10 days of vacation is easier than  saving 28 days of vacation.
• We could reserve our spots now, and have a year to get in shape. 
• It would give us something real to look forward to in the middle of hard times.
• It tempts fate a little less than being out-of-pocket for 28 days.

 

Arguments against and responses:

• Something bad could happen while we're gone.
  • Something bad could happen while we're here, too. We can't control the future. 10 days feels less not-possible than 28, but in any case, we need to stop putting things on hold just in case. We've let our world become too small. Time to stretch things out again.
• The cats would miss us.
  • The cats will assume we've been killed by predators and will start to grieve. They will be stoked when we get back (although they'll be mad at us for making them worry).
• We'll miss the cats.
  • I know! We can take lots of pictures to show them when we get back.
• What if something happens to Emma? Maybe we should wait until she's moved on her journey.
  • This is a rough one. Do we want to worry while we're gone? Do we want her to spend some of her last precious time worrying about us? This is the most cogent of the arguments. 
  • We could book and plan, and do a judgement call closer to the time. Reminder: we also have a fantasy OFI reservation for 2019 (see below). 
• We already have a fantasy booking at the Old Faithful Inn in 2019. What if we kept that and added a ride out there?
  • The Thorofare is also something I'd like to do, but this is longer, for less money, and closer, with no additional travel expenses and travel time. OFI can easily be canceled at this point without penalty. But, we can keep the reso 'til the last second, too.
• We're not in shape.
  • Yah. Agreed. Booking in 2019 gives us a year to improve our general condition, and also take riding lessons. We would make that part of the travel budget.
• I'm afraid.
  • Hahahahahaha! Oh, wait, you were serious? Being afraid is not an argument.

[Seabright]

Just re-read the above.

 

I've convinced myself. 

 

I checked the pack station web site, and they're not booking for 2019 yet. Made a note on my calendar to check later in the year, and another note to save any dollars coming my way for this.

 

Also, continuing to play the lottery, because $65,000,000.00 would really help right now.

[Seabright]

Thurs, July 19

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - Eggs and 1 sausage patty, 1 sausage link, 3 pieces of bacon.
• Lunch - Salad with chicken
• Dinner - can't remember

 

Daily exercise

• Quick warm-up, followed by yoga back-bending stuff. You know, baby bending.

Taking time

• None, really.

Bravery & Patience

• None, or at least none that I can remember. 

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Not going to be on-my-owning it, tonight. I need a strategy for getting in my practice time, but do it without any, you know, oversight.
• To try: Arrive at home, decompress for a few minutes only, announce I'm going to practice for a bit, grab my mando, and then go outside. Like, way way outside.
• Update: So, I did exactly that. And then, was followed outside. Doh!

Act like a leader 

• On deck: Chin up. The whole day. And practice keeping my mouth shut. Let's keep this going another day.
• Update: Pretty good.

RPG awareness training (3 days)

Deep breaths when I feel the negative trash-talk-y nasty judgement-y thoughts coming on - of myself or others.

• Day 1: Took deep breath when thinking about the new product biz lead. Didn't make me feel better, but perhaps broke the cycle. 
• Day 2: Took ANOTHER deep breath when thinking about the new product biz lead.  Update: just took another deep breath, thinking about the same thing.
• Day 3: Not even on the road for 10 minutes when I already had negative thoughts about the product lead. Consciously took deep breaths and worked to shift my mental optics on this one. I realized after my breath that he was probably thinking about this not at all, and I was the only one taking it so personally and feeling attacked. Reflected on the Four Agreements, and focused on the second one as a way forward. 

[Seabright]

Fri - Sun - weekend summary

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - All good.
• Lunch - Only 1 was all good.
• Dinner - 2 of 3 were good.
• Snacks - Chocolate bar. doh!
• Alcohol note: wild cravings for a margarita on Fri and Sat. Shots of whiskey instead, but that's not so brilliant either. Bought a nice 1/2 bottle of red to share with the spousal unit on Sat (couldn't afford a full bottle and it's a nice way to limit consumption). 

 

Daily exercise

• Epic yoga session Sunday morning - 80 minutes. Incorporated all the hardest sequences into one mega sequence.
• Yay for me!
• A bit sore later in the day, so I know I worked...but not too bad.

Taking time

• Lots.
• Garden time, volunteering to go to grocery store, long way home.
• Also, one solo drive in response to something I'm still trying to work out in my mind. 

Bravery & Patience

• None. Hahahahaha.
• I mean, really. None. Lost my patience and but good at one point.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Wow. This has turned into an issue. Blew up on Saturday and still feeling unresolved. 
• Not sure I'm ready to talk about it, but I desperately need to figure out a way to practice out of earshot (and, apparently, eyeshot) of others. 

Act like a leader 

• N/A. 
• I don't have to be a grown-up on the weekend. 

 

[Seabright]

Mon, July 22

 

Eating paleo

• Breakfast - Eggs and 1 sausage patty, 2 sausage links, 3 pieces of bacon. Yes, it was meat-heavy, oh yes indeed.
• Lunch - Salad w/chicken.
• Dinner - Turkey burger, steamed broc, and, to shake things up, chopped roasted sweet potatos and grilled onions and bell peppers.
• Snacks - Apples, handful of nuts and dried fruit---I thought. Turned out to have teeny tiny choc chips in it. 

 

Daily exercise

• None so far and none on deck.
• Because I'm wearing a killer pair of high heels today, there will be no walking. 

Taking time

• Took some thinking time during lunch to figure out my practicing problem. Ended up with a (semi) plan.

Bravery & Patience

• On deck: Bravely take the high road in today's meeting. Remember my martial arts training...calmly deflect to overcome. 
• Update: I think I did pretty well. Stayed patient and laughed instead of cried.

Mando - 15 minutes a day

• Problematic. How am I going to get this done? I'm trying to avoid brining my mando to work and then stopping somewhere on the way home to play in my car, but it looks like that's where this is headed.
• Update: Found a great article on practicing written by a guy who ended up practicing in the back seat of his car in order to get some privacy. I walked around the building looking for a private spot, and found that all of our conference rooms have glass walls. Eventually discovered a small one on the 2nd floor in the corner, though. Still all-glass, but better.
• Plan: Leave for work early, bring mando, head straight to that little room, and practice for 20 minutes. Then start work. If it's early enough, i'll have some privacy.
• Talk about you 20 seconds of courage! Will try this on Wednesday.

Act like a leader 

Use my specialty team leader skill of encourager in daily life.

• Day 1 of 7: Spread oil on the waters all day. Thought about this, practiced the words, and think it came off pretty well.

Cravings tracker

Track the craving and identify the when and why.

• Day 1 of 7: Wanted a Diet Coke in the early afternoon. Triggered by something I needed to do, and wanted to procrastinate, but also wanted an energy boost. I went ahead and had the DC.

[Seabright]

So, mando practicing.

 

Found a great article about practicing on Jazz Advice: https://www.jazzadvice.com/creating-the-perfect-practice-environment/

 

This guy nailed it. All the things I'm considering and thinking they're extreme and impractical, sounds like he's done 'em. This alone made me feel better. Plus, the emphasis on the necessity for practicing where you can't. be. heard. How it changes what you work on. Already feeling this, because when I learn a new tune, I have to play the vid over and over and over again, in tiny little chunks, until I get it. This can literally take me a couple of weeks, just to get the framework down. If someone's around, I just play what I already know, and now, because of what happened on Saturday, I hesitate to even do that.