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Korranation

Korranation's Quest for Self Knowledge

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Greeting fellow rebels and new recruits!

 

(I know the new challenge doesn't start until the new year, but why not start early? Besides, life is a continuous challenge and you can't exactly put that on hold.)

 

A little bit about me:

(sorry for everyone using tapatalk and unable to have spoilers hide the spoilers)

Spoiler

(Start spoiler)

I'm Korra. I've been here for four years starting this new year. Since then I've gone through college, graduated, and started my first real out of college job which always has its pros and cons. 

If you go through those all those links to my past challenges you'll see that:

  • my gif game is lit
  • college is tough
  • I'm living pretty close to a Cinderella story
  • And I've got codenames for most of my family members
    • stepmom = maleficent
    • stepsister = Lilith
    • Stepsister = mini-me
    • Dad = fatherlord
    • Grandfather = Uncle Iroh 
  • I've got a heck of a lot of inner demons to deal with

 

I haven't really lost much weight. In fact, I put on some during the stress of finishing college. And more weight while looking for a job. And more weight while at my new desk job where everyone tries to boost morale with donuts, tacos, and all things carbs. 

But I have gained a few other things. I gained an amazing community when I joined, and amazing accountability group, and a bomb support system when I signed up for the academy.

(End spoiler) 

 

 

As my title says, I am on a journey for self-knowledge. 

I decided to go down this rabbit hole after listening to an internet video from the school of life titled "The Dangers of Thinking Too Much; And Thinking Too Little." 

A certain passage really stuck out to me since I personally relate to it and the illustrated person in that little excerpt looks like my internal self.

 

Here's the blurb:

we deploy knowledge and ideas that carry indubitable prestige to stand guard against the emergence of more humble, but essential knowledge from our emotional past.  we bury our personal stories beneath an avalanche of expertise. the possibility of a deeply consequential intimate inquiry is deliberately left to seem feeble and superfluous next to the supposedly grander task of [insert [insert pompous topic]
 

 

I'm not sure if it's the posh accent or the large words, but it really struck close to home. I listen to too many podcasts about the past and present social world. And I listen to those at work when it's too quiet at work and I'm too afraid to be left with my thoughts. So this time I'm going to face these inner thoughts head on instead of filling it with non-self-knowledge. 

 

Also, I'm really disappointed in the forums lack of mental health section. I notice a lot of rebel mention the words "mental health," but there's no general place within the forum to turn to. I've looked up the phrase in quotations and gone through most of the topics and did the same. Either I completely overlooked it or there's nothing really here. Both of which is a shame.   

 

I'm going to be seriously editing my quests before the new years so these are just a rough draft:

I'm completely leaving out the phrasing of "goals" since that means an end and physical and mental health are continuous processes. It's not like some master cleanse where you diet for 4 weeks and go straight back to old habits. 

 

Quest 1: Nutrition

I'm going back to the smoothie drinking since I already know how to make a bomb drink, it's easier to eat than my normal meal prep lunches, and it's faster to consume so there's more time for me to do other things at work like journal prompts or reading a book. 

  • no bread or sweets
  • no fast food
  • track food on MFP

giphy.gif

 

Quest 2: Workout

Last year I was really into my workouts. I really liked the 7-minute workout even though it turned into more of a 28-minute workout with the storyline quests. And the Fit for Battle app was super great at helping me build up my stamina. As much as I want to go to a gym it would be bad timing since the new year is starting 

  • Walk dog at least 5 times a week
  • get step count in daily

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Quest 3: Mental health

Maybe I'll start writing journal prompts so I can map those inner thoughts and find those patterns. Or maybe I'll do something with my bullet journal. Or just read a book or online article mention it here and write about how I can apply that to myself or my mental health routine if I can ever settle on one and repeat it long enough to call it one. 

  • journal prompt x5 weekly
  • meditate for 5 minutes
  • unlock the hidden mystery that is the counselor 

7HIzoT5.gif

 

Quest 4: Level Up Your Life

I'm going to practice Spanish every day and met my exp quota. 

8MIvXzt.gif

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14 hours ago, Korranation said:

life is a continuous challenge and you can't exactly put that on hold

 

Very profound and very true.

 

I'm glad you're sticking with it and have an optimistic attitude about your success. As always, let me know if I can help in any way.

 

And yes, your gif game is epic level.

 

 

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Very profound and very true.
 
I'm glad you're sticking with it and have an optimistic attitude about your success. As always, let me know if I can help in any way.
 
And yes, your gif game is epic level.

Thanks!

I gotta have some sort of attitude about success, so mine it's better to stick a smiley face to it.
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Following!  This looks like a great way to start off the year! 

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So I'm going to be spending week zero getting my ducks in a row. I still haven't decided what happens to make concrete. There's nothing for me to follow if there any guidelines. I'll more than likely edit my first post shortly after posting this.

Challenge prep

For nutrition, I need to make several points. Smoothies alone aren't going to cut it. I was going through some old emails from Steve and found an old article about someone who lost over 50 lbs without seriously working out. And it was said that diet is 90% of the battle. This really set off some bells after my doctors visit. After some blood work they said my triglycerides were high and recommended me to eat less:
* carbs
* processed foods
* (especially anything deep fried
And to eat more things with good fats like:
* pecans
* almonds
* salmon

So I need to research the best kind of canned salmon I can eat. And then find some recipes that aren't deep fried patties.

And I'll need to avoid almost all the food in the house. I still live with my folks so I can pay off my tuition faster and save up for an apartment. But right now they went on a cookie baking spree. And we have six big runs filled and no one to give them to. I'm tempted to drop them off at the nearest fire station or drop by work during my vacations so I can give them to the kids.

I'll also need to figure dinner out. The family usually sticks to three options.
One is my dad cooking which is usually a lot of Mexican food and sometimes involves a lot of freeze or carbs.
Two is my stepmom cooking which means it's all carb or all red meat in a mystery sauce. Both of which flare up my acid reflux. And I am not a fan of food talking back.
Three is eating out or ordering in. They're usually fast food places Greek, Italian, BBQ, or just Whataburger. Most times I'll just excuse myself from that and say I've already eaten or that I'm busy.


For my workouts, I think I'll stick with walking my dog in the evening. My neighborhood had a steep incline that helps me meet my stairs goal. And the length of the walk helps meet my active heart rate quota too.


For mental health, I'm going to invest in a counselor. I've already spent an entire day in psychology today's site going through everyone in the city that meets my criteria and putting their info on a spreadsheet. So far I've got their name, address, distance from my house, distance from my work, min and max pay, and a bitly link to their profile.
But now I've hit a bump. I am clueless on the type of orientation they give. I left out those that focus on spirituality though. I've heard one too many horror stories and I'm very skeptical about that approach.
And once I get some more knowledge about the kinds of orientation and what style might work best for me I'll have to start making some uncomfortable phone calls and ask some awkward questions like:
* if they got their degree from an accredited place or some 3-hour online coaching certificate.
* How did they get their specialization
* etc etc

And during all this research and phone calls I need to find out what I really really want to get out of these sessions and make journal prompts accordingly. Heck, I might start pulling old threads that I've written here to use as references for what I've felt in the past. Because there's an implied tone I put in some of my posts and the pics and gifs I add usually help me remember where and when exactly I was when I posted it. My memory palace is wired weirdly like that.

For my level up quest, I'm not sure how I'll remember to practice my Spanish. I know I need to change the daily reminder time. And also work out a pseudo schedule for the rest of this week zero. Because I love my structure and rituals.

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Following. Another option is to take those cookies to a police station. The firefighters get all the love but Cops are people too. PM me and I can tell you where your closest substation is. Also on the counselors I can help you weed those out too. I don't blame you for avoiding the spirituality based ones. I've been to one of those as well and the guy spent too much time talking about how his scriptural approach was better than psychology, more so than actually doing any counseling.

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13 hours ago, Korranation said:

For mental health, I'm going to invest in a counselor. I've already spent an entire day on psychology today's site going through everyone in the city that meets my criteria and putting their info on a spread sheet. So far I've got their name, address, distance from my house, distance from my work, min and max pay, and a bitly link to their profile.
But now I've hit a bump. I am clueless on the type of orientation they give. I left out those that focus on spirituality though. I've heard one too many horror stories and I'm very skeptical about that approach.
And once I get some more knowledge about the kinds of orientation and what style might work best for me I'll have to start making some uncomfortable phone calls and ask some awkward questions like:
* if they got their degree from an accredited place or some 3 hour online coaching certificate.
* How did they get their specialization
* etc etc

I totally get where you're coming from on this.  I found looking for a counselor very overwhelming and I put it off for a long time.  My insurance is changing at the end of the year and now it seems I will have to start all over again.  :( 

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23 hours ago, Ensi said:

Following! :) Finishing college and finding a job is hard, congrats for getting pass those levels <3

 

Thanks! 

harry-potter.gif

 

15 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Following. Another option is to take those cookies to a police station. The firefighters get all the love but Cops are people too. PM me and I can tell you where your closest substation is. Also on the counselors I can help you weed those out too. I don't blame you for avoiding the spirituality based ones. I've been to one of those as well and the guy spent too much time talking about how his scriptural approach was better than psychology, more so than actually doing any counseling.

I didn't think about the police stations. The only two stations that come to mind is the one in Shavano and the other on Prue. 

And I'm glad you have some experience with counselors. But sorry to hear about your run-in with a bad counselor. 

Spoiler

A professional that uses their interpretation of spirituality is like a general surgeon interpreting what tool is best for open heart surgery. 

surgeon-simulator-your-free-now-rib-cage

1

 

 

9 hours ago, LadyShello said:

I totally get where you're coming from on this.  I found looking for a counselor very overwhelming and I put it off for a long time.  My insurance is changing at the end of the year and now it seems I will have to start all over again.  :( 

 

Sorry to hear about your insurance. 

Let's look for counselors together. It'll be like window shopping.

giphy.gif

 

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Following my quests are out the window for the rest of week zero. 

 

I went to eat out with my sisters and my dad(fatherlord) and grandpa(Iroh). 

I had the eggs benedict but replaced the had with crispy bacon, tossed the English muffins, and used some hash browns to sop up the egg yolk. 

So I can at least check off the no bread quests. 

 

We went to see a movie immediately after the meal and thankfully I didn't grab and popcorn or candy. 

So I can check off "no sweets" and "no fast food/junk food."

 

I felt like I didn't do much after that. 

I cleaned out my lotion drawer, took inventory of everything that I can use, tossed out empty bottles, and put all the heavily scented lotions in a bag to donate. I know the kids that stop by my work will be happy for those lotions plus the extra travel sized shampoo and conditioner bottles I emptied out from the bathroom. 

 

I started working on a habit tracker for my new bullet journal. I went through my old one to get some references on what I used to use in the past. It was so sad flipping through it and seeing a few abandoned and empty pages. 

After doing some spring cleaning I decided to clean myself. I took a long shower, put on a mud mask, took off the mud mask, put on a moisturizing face mask, and lotioned my very sad and very dry extremities. I like to pretend that my dry skin is the early stages of dragon scale from GoT, but where you turn into a literal dragon and not a zombie with dragon rabies. 

1828e6b16b13dde79e5c596ebc16b4d6--dragon

 

 

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Forgot to post about my day yesterday. But then again I never stated that I would make this a daily thing. But I would not not either. 

Well... technically I did post yesterday. But it was about the day previous to that. So I think it's a moot point. And I'm rambling... which is a weird thing to do on a forum since it's more common in conversations that eternal online convos. But I digress. 

200_d.gif

 

The highlight of yesterday was running errands with my stepsister. You heard right. I went around the town with Lilith. She seems to be more manageable now that she has full-blown puberty. She's drowning in the hormonal concoction that all teenagers likely do and more self-conscious about herself and the self-imagined and self-inflicted embarrassment her inner psyche is creating. 

INSIDEMYHEAD.gif

 

We went to a small mom and pop bookstore where I purged all the paperback books I had in my collection that I no longer wanted and was never going to read again. Granted, most of them were bought for no more than a dollar at goodwills and public library sales. They all had amazing ratings on Goodreads and they were a good bargain when my shopping spree mood would kick in. Rather, it was a "treat yo'self" buy whenever I felt blue. And boy did I catch a case of the blues a lot. Anywhoo... with all those good quality books, I'm guessing (I honestly have no idea since I never read any of them), that bookstore owner is going have some very happy patrons in the future. 

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After the bookstore, we went to the dragon's lair for our nerdy side. I'm glad I gave Lilith a few mainstream nerdy trinkets when she first started high school. She hated them at first. But the second she saw the other kids fawning over those fandoms she dedicated her teenage life to them. So while I took my time with the pop funkos and board games I let her roam free. Albeit I knew her exact location from her fangirl squeals. As did everyone else. It wasn't a very big store. So with her ladybug book and my kingdom hearts merch in hand, we left the lair with our prizes. 

Dragons_Eye_View_3-21_1-280x300.jpg

 

I can't even remember what I ate yesterday. To be fair I didn't leave the house except for the errands I mentioned. I've spent the majority of this week-long holiday vacation indoors doing nothing. Or whatever I wanted. Whichever way you prefer to frame it. I didn't have much FOMO going on since most of my friends are still going to college full-time, my childhood friends I hang out with are busy with their families, and I'm a social recluse who shies away from any meaningful relationship because of some trust issues. So I spent it with my dog and family. 

c190f86ea98d90b0013b507c30ed1429--the-oa

 

Today I ran more errands. I got all my gift cards together and more gift cards that had been found while cleaning out the lotion drawer. Goodness knows why those were in there. And I set off for the thrift store. I checked with one of the girls at the register and two cards for their store exclusively had not been touched. The full amount was there. So I decided to go crazy. I got all the cutest blouses and dresses I could find. Nevertheless, my mini-me sister is out of town for the new years so I couldn't put on a fashion show for her. Also, she's my wardrobe guru. She usually makes me return half the stuff I bought anyways. It usually plays out the same. I was too distracted by the pattern, colors, or sparkle of the outfit to realize how it fit on myself. It either looks too tight on my chest and that makes others uncomfortable, it's too tight around the arms and I can hulk out of it if I flexed the right way, it hugs the stomach and shows off my fabulous flab, or it's too short in the back and sits on my bum. I can't go to work all dolled up, but looking like the hulk in a dress. 

hulk-princess-cake.jpg

 

I also forgot to eat today. Or at least for the first part of the day. I didn't get any food into my system until around dinner time. I woke up late, wanted to get some errands done, and lost track of time. And went crazy with the whole eating thing. I had some leftover pad thia and general tso chicken, and some air-popped popcorn. But even after that my sweet tooth kicked in so I went to the store and got some gummies and plums. I knew that if I was going for sweets I mine as well make it half healthy. And I finished off the plums and half the gummies to parks and rec with the dog. 

Netflix-square.jpg

just pretend the second pair of feet are doggy paws

 

 

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On 12/29/2017 at 12:50 AM, Korranation said:

I like to pretend that my dry skin is the early stages of dragon scale from GoT, but where you turn into a literal dragon and not a zombie with dragon rabies. 

 

Ugh, this time of year makes my dryness like 5x worse. Thank God for coconut oil lol. That's a good pretend thought so long as the end result is a literal dragon :) 

 

tumblr_inline_o5hbg8fb0H1t0ijhl_500.gif

 

Following!

 

Wolf

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Your posts are such a treat to read. Speaking of dragons, in addition to Lord of the Rings, I'm also reading this on my new Kindle Fire:

 

31279046.jpg

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Ugh, this time of year makes my dryness like 5x worse. Thank God for coconut oil lol. That's a good pretend thought so long as the end result is a literal dragon  

 

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Following!

 

Wolf

Thanks for the follow!

 

Tis the season for moisturizing.

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Your posts are such a treat to read. Speaking of dragons, in addition to Lord of the Rings, I'm also reading this on my new Kindle Fire:

 

31279046.jpg

Thanks!

I try to break up the monotony with gifs and speak in similes and metaphors when I can. Comparing the daily drudgery to epic quests and references seems to be a forte of mine.

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Or maybe my head's wired differently.

b8a2c2836d21bb40a5448b7217880011.jpg

 

I definitely have to add that to my must read list. Any book with dragons is a must.

f18b3fed37117b8b3ec9e3885956780f.jpeg

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I welcomed the New Year differently.

The fatherlord was working on New Years, so my stepmom (maleficent) took the reigns. And we were riding by the seam of our pants. First, it was a hibachi grill, then Dave and busters where I got carried away with the new Star Trek game, and then we got spooked that it might snow - and being in Texas don't have the roads or experience for that sort of nonsense - so we dashed home to welcome home the new year.
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New Year's Day was uneventful. We went out for food. I had fish. And I learned that Lilith had too much rum and slept in her mums bathroom. At least she got that experience over and done with in a safe environment. And I know for a fact that she'll never have a taste for that specific kind of rum again.
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The rest of the day was spent cleaning up my room and getting ready for the next work day. There was meat loaf for dinner.

Today was more eventful. I got up early to make my smoothies for the day, threw some meatloaf in the slow cooker, and spent a half hour looking for my car key. It had broken off its key chain a while back and alway has a tendency to fall out of my purse even if I put it in a zipped compartment. I just texted my manager that my car was having trouble warming up and showed up ten minutes late. And the funny thing was that a lot of coworkers had the same idea. Maybe I'm finally syncing up with the hive mind of my job.
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I spent the entire workday at the front desk. And I spent that time doing my job, but switching between wifi and LTE to look up interview questions for a potential job and posting to NF. And for the first time in a log time I didn't feel lonely. I'm so glad to be part of the rebellion. I'm glad that I. Plus throw sass and shade and innuendos.
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Quest 1: Nutrition 

I bombed nutrition today. I was starting out well. I had made my smoothies and got seated for work when I  noticed a small tin of shortbread cookies. The problem is that shortbread cookies are my favorite. So I enjoyed the entire tin. I forgot whether it's healthier to feel guilt or shame for doing something unhealthy. I think it's shame. I remember an old NF article talking about getting rid of the term "guilty pleasure." It took a cup of coffee and two cups of decaf lemon zinger herbal tea to wash it down, but I enjoyed them. 

For the rest of the day, I was full in still trying to finish off my smoothies. 

For dinner we had meatloaf. I was hoping to have mashed potatoes from the box since they're fluffy and don't cost many calories, but my Iroh brought over his famous Papo beans. So we had corn, beans, and garlic bread. 

Any even after dinner my dragon brain (thanks for the rephrasing @Terah ) or amygdala kicked in. It's almost become a ritual to graze after dinner that I find myself doing so without thinking. And just a few days ago when there weren't any sweets, I drove to the store just to get some. My wizard pre-frontal cortex that stops these kinds of urges usually clocks out after dinner since it's a designated winding down time. And while my Hogwarts mind was away I gobbled up some popcorn, a few holiday cookies Iroh left, and gummies. 

On the plus side, I tracked most of this on MFP.

f40ec5d642d26f22f8d7c934b25d6753.jpg

  • no bread or sweets
  • no fast food
  • track food on MFP

Quest 2: Workout 

I tried getting my step count in at the last minute. It was 25 minutes until midnight and I'm watching online videos while running in place. I was 1.3k shy. The weather is much too cold to take the dog and myself included for a walk outside. It will only hasten my dragon scale. I think I'll scrap walking the dog in the evening for this week due to the weather. I'll just set up some bird seeds and peanuts outside to entice the wildlife to come out and to get my dog to chase something around. The squirrels do love to tease him and it's been awhile since they've done so. 

LightRemorsefulDodobird-max-1mb.gif

  • Walk dog at least 5 times a week
  • get step count in daily

Quest 3: Mental health 

I completely forgot about this quest. I haven't done any journal prompting in the past few days or meditating. Or actively seeking out a counselor. 

I do start furiously start journaling and meditating and looking around for counselors pre-shark week. I hate that I follow these cycles, but I consciously know they're happening and why they are so I don't entirely drown. So I just bide my time until it passes and put up feeling like a sad Buttercup for a few days. 

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  • journal prompt x5 weekly
  • meditate for 5 minutes
  • unlock the hidden mystery that is the counselor 

Quest 4: Level Up Your Life

giphy.gif

  • Practice Spanish every day and met my exp quota
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On 1/3/2018 at 1:33 AM, Korranation said:

Practice Spanish every day and met my exp quota

 

Are you on Duolingo? What is your username? We can link up, I think.

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Are you on Duolingo? What is your username? We can link up, I think.

I go by the name "ThatOneLearner" and I'm I started an accountability group last year. All but one (not including myself) is still active. I can send you a link to our lil rising rebels group.

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Quest 1: Nutrition

  • no bread or sweets
  • no fast food
  • track food on MFP

It's hard to go without bread and sweets. Especially during the weekend. I know I had some sort of candy. And avoiding carbs is a lie.
And usually the only time I use MFP is during the work week since there's more structure, less snacking, and I have everything prepped. Now all I have to do is avoid snacking, or if I do snack, log it in as best I can.
 
Quest 2: Workout 
  • Walk dog at least 5 times a week
  • get step count in daily

It finally warmed up. I took my dog for a walk yesterday. Which was weird. Weekend afternoons are just streets with little kids and their parents. My dog and I weren't in a socializing mood. He was interested in sniffing everything and I was interested in getting some fresh air. And keeping that air in my lungs rather than prematurely expelling it for small talk.
 
Quest 3: Mental health
  • journal prompt x5 weekly
  • meditate for 5 minutes
  • unlock the hidden mystery that is the counselor 

I still need to update this quest. I don't do journal prompts and I still need to reach out to some counselors. I was trying the daily shine text, per recommendation from a tricerasister in the academy. But I keep forgetting to catch up. And one more day is just another day farther behind.

As for the counselors I have a list of twenty good ones. I'm about finished with my excel sheet of their info. I'm nervous about sending out those first emails since I might get some that want to do a intake and I'm not prepared to properly vocalize what I want. Or I didn't bring all the paperwork needed. Or it becomes a bigger hassle to schedule my break around a good time. But I'm overthinking. The first step is the key.

One of the counselor websites had some recommended apps. One of them that looked good was moodnotes. Even though I had to pay for it, it looks like a good investment. I might try to kill two birds with one stone here. The daily shine recommended I look back on the past year and take note of all the events that happened no matter how small. And I've Got a lot of info to go through in terms of NF posts, pictures, search history, FB posts, etc. and with enough data entry this moodnotes app can figure out some trends.
 
Quest 4: Level Up Your Life
I'm going to practice Spanish every day and met my exp quota. 
I'm kicking butt with my Spanish practicing. Even though past tense verbs are kicking mine. Thankfully I've been saving up some chat bot convos so I can get those extra points. Speaking in full sentences leaves me with a minimum of 25 instead of having to take two lessons and double the time and effort.
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