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Bean Sidhe

Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos - Back to the path

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1 hour ago, Wobbegong said:

Another thing you can do for grounding that I don't think has been mentioned is just take a second to do a sensory check in with yourself. You said before that even while you're walking you're rushing, but you can totally do this then anyway. 

 

All you need to do is run through your list of five senses (you know them, right? taste, smell, hearing, vision, and touch) and think of one thing for each sense. Right now I taste the water I just drank, I see my computer screen, my legs feel a little too hot and my palms feel the pressure of the laptop they're resting on, I hear the music playing, and as for smell: it's the smell of my home. I can hardly tell it's there because I'm so used to it, but I can think of what it smells like to return when I've been away, so that's what I'll say I'm smelling. 

 

The more you do it, the more quickly you'll be able to get out of whatever crazy headspace you've been wrapped up in and feel re-centered in your own body and experience. The point isn't to meditate or focus or clear your mind, just to remember where you are (in your body) and that everything coming to you is being filtered through your experience (grounded through the senses). 

 

See the self checkin - I see as being hard to monitor and record. Half of this is "how do I track it" since I know that pt or whatnot will be reminding me to do it at first.

I Get the idea, but again, its not that I don't feel connected iwth myself. I know the creaks of my bones, but its more, I just don't feel connected with those around me. Its more like I am just kinda here and not really where I need to be. And Maybe I should do something more to help combate the anxiety, but I don't know how. its that fun "I have it, now what to do with it" space

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See this is pretty much it. I am not in a head space where I think it would work. I am sure it would, but it goes into that "Will learning it right now, take more effort than it will return?" Does that make sense. It may work, but its not that I am not aware of who I am, or where I am, its that I don't know where down is anymore, or up. I  keep getting hit by things I have no control over, and i know there is no control over them. But I usually have a good sense of "I am here, this is what is going on, and" to sound really druidy "I have a connection with the earth below my feet and roots to hold me in place during hte storm." The problem is, right now, those roots are in the air, and there is no shelter from the wind and the storm. So I need to re-root and shore myself up. Mostly its more about I don't feel connected in my life. Does any of that make sense?


And that's ok too. Aknowledging that this is not the right moment is perfectly good. It means you are not loosing your time focusing on something that won't work for you.

And all you say does make a lot of sense, believe me. I normally find refuge in (angry/crying) prayer when I feel like that, but that too doesn't apply here.

I would like to be of any help, but I have to admit defeat. Yet, I want you to know you that it you need workers to re-root yourelf give me the direction and I'll be giving you a push. It will get better! This 2018 started with difficulties, but now days are getting longer (I think where you are is winter, right) and things will get easier!
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4 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

And that's ok too. Aknowledging that this is not the right moment is perfectly good. It means you are not loosing your time focusing on something that won't work for you.

And all you say does make a lot of sense, believe me. I normally find refuge in (angry/crying) prayer when I feel like that, but that too doesn't apply here.

I would like to be of any help, but I have to admit defeat. Yet, I want you to know you that it you need workers to re-root yourelf give me the direction and I'll be giving you a push. It will get better! This 2018 started with difficulties, but now days are getting longer (I think where you are is winter, right) and things will get easier!

 

 

Thank you and if there is anything any of you can do, I will let you know. After talking with Hubby last night, I think I have a plan, I just need to write the challenge up adn get it in my bullet journal. I am kinda hoping to do that today.

One thing I want to try is carrying around a small notebook. I am sure I have at least one running around. And in it, I will put anything that pops into my head to start a spin (The "OH, I need to do X, I need to remember to y" And once a night, Hubby and I are going to sit down and go through it. We can either add it to a master list (List of doom) or go "okay, that is already on there, next". This way, he can help with things I May not get to and hopefully it will help with the anxiety and that will help me feel more apart of things.

The other thing is that as a bonus goal, I need to decompress a bit. I need some downtime. So either I will try and spend 5-10 minutes a day playing a video game or reading or something not school, work, mommy related. However, Hubby asked if he could get to play the "You need to take a break, your just spinning" card once a day and I agreed. I know I spin, but I get freaked out that it won't get done, and then the spin gets worse and yeah.


So that is part of my plan. Wish me luck
 

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That sounds like a great plan! I'm so glad your husband is so supportive and willing to pitch in and help with this stuff, he sounds like a great guy. I'm also SUPER DUPER PROUD OF YOU for agreeing to let him play the "you're just spinning" card once a day and also for making the decision to use a journal and bringing your husband in on it so you actually do use it. It's great that you have a support network and are using it to take care of yourself, one step at a time. Keep it up, Bean! 

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23 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

That sounds like a good plan. Good luck! :)

 

 

Thanks, not to write it all up and make it official. I have been kinda working on this, but time is not my friend of late.

 

20 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

That sounds like a great plan! I'm so glad your husband is so supportive and willing to pitch in and help with this stuff, he sounds like a great guy. I'm also SUPER DUPER PROUD OF YOU for agreeing to let him play the "you're just spinning" card once a day and also for making the decision to use a journal and bringing your husband in on it so you actually do use it. It's great that you have a support network and are using it to take care of yourself, one step at a time. Keep it up, Bean! 

 

Thank you. Hubby is wonderful and I am very lucky. He helps out more here than I think I make it sound like. I wouldn't call the Kermit list (Because Kermit the frog flails when he is panicked)  journalling, but more just list making. Its a way to get some of these things out of my head and hopefully to a place they can get dealt with. THen again, I guess I associate Journalling as more of a "here is how I am feeling/what is going on" thing. And maybe this will make list of doom easier too. Maybe. I am trying to care for myself, I just tend to put me at the very end of the list, since well, I am me.

 

16 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

That is really great! I believe you'll rock the challenge and you'll get back in the ground!
Good luck :)

THank you, I am going to get a challenge up and hopefully all of this helps me get back on track.

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SO I guess should close out this challenge. Overall, I ended up with an 82.6% on my regular challenge goals. Although I did kinda give up about the 1st. I don't know if the challenge was too long or if life just got in the way one too many times.

Do I feel I could of done better, yes. Especially since I missed my walking goal too many times in that challenge. But part of that was not working the first few weeks. I also need to find my rhythm with homework again, and with life. This is not my worst challenge, but I just see things I should have done better on. I think the big thing is, I am just ready for this whole month to be over and hopefully have some things turn around in Feb. Especially since my birthday is the day before the new challenge starts.

Here is to doing better

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