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Bean Sidhe

Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos - Back to the path

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I'm sorry you had a rough weekend! Many hugs for you. I hope you all feel better soon.

 

Regarding the kitty, there are lots of reasons he might be trying to go outside the box that could be very fixable, so don't despair. Even kitties have off days. :) If he continues trying to do it, and you know it's clean, you might want to start with a vet check-up to make sure it's not related to any health issues, then work your way back from there. You always want to check for medical issues first when a behavior problem pops up so you can treat the actual problem (direct quote from my animal behavior class!). It might be something as simple as a twisted ankle (true story--my cat twisted hers and went outside the box for a whole day).

 

Deep breaths! It's a new week, and you've got this. :) 

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On 1/20/2018 at 11:19 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

Last night, I just couldn't take one more thing. I was done and I didn't handle it well, and I am sorry. None of you needed to deal with that. I acted like a giant spoiled brat and well, lets just say I am not pleased with myself.

 

On 1/20/2018 at 11:30 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

And If anyone read this far, I hope no one is mad I have a crybaby moment last night. That was bad, and kinda doing a "now they all hate me" thing. I am sure I am wrong, but if I did offend anyone, please forgive me.

 

OMG if that’s your definition of a “spoiled brat” or “crybaby” tantrum, you need to recalibrate! That was just some usual venting during a tough time. Don’t apologize for having feelings, feelings is what makes you human and alive. Even if that hasn’t been your experience in real life, everyone here at NF is down to hear both the best AND worst you go through. <3

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Hey y'all, let's remember that Bean was told endlessly that her feelings don't matter, etc. It's really hard to change those patterns and it takes a lot of courage to try to reach out for support when you don't feel like you deserve it or have no right to it. Compassionate responses do a lot more than "tough love" in this kind of situation, especially if the latter could be misinterpreted.

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14 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Thank you for this. I know its not, I just got drilled into me no one wants to deal with my BS so I shouldn't have any. Again, something I am working on since I tend to bottle until I have a little explosion of emotions (usually tears), and then return to some semblance of normal.  I just grew up with everyone having a different standard than I did, so it really does seem normal to me to have one set of rules for me and one for everyone else.

I've had the same experience of "hey, be my therapist and listen to me vent," followed by "you're not allowed to feel that way" or "but I have it so much worse than you!" Which is really the other person imposing two sets of rules on us, and the more you hear it, the harder it is to break free from it. (And I was taught by other kids really early on that crying isn't allowed (even if no one else sees it), so I bottle a lot of stuff up, and feel bad when anything escapes from that bottle.) 

 

14 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

The rest of you out there are allowed to be weak and need help, because you can't help it. You aren't expected to be perfect, because we both know you can't. I, on the other hand, could be perfect if I tried harder than I do now... unlike everyone else in the world. It makes perfect sense to apply higher standards to myself than to all of you. I, unlike you losers, could actually meet them, superior as I am.

Twisting this around again...

 

Others are allowed to be weak and need help, because their feelings are more important and more valid than my own. Others are allowed to be imperfect, because everyone will still love them despite it. I need to be perfect, because if I'm not, no one will like me. I need to apply higher standards to myself because everyone else is already superior to me. If I don't meet them, all of my friends will leave me for better people. [Nothing in this paragraph is true. But there's a difference between knowing something, and believing it.]

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9 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

Twisting this around again...

 

Others are allowed to be weak and need help, because their feelings are more important and more valid than my own. Others are allowed to be imperfect, because everyone will still love them despite it. I need to be perfect, because if I'm not, no one will like me. I need to apply higher standards to myself because everyone else is already superior to me. If I don't meet them, all of my friends will leave me for better people. [Nothing in this paragraph is true. But there's a difference between knowing something, and believing it.]

 

That's not twisting. That's the existing starting point. The point of twisting is to find alternative perspectives, but based on everything posted so far, this isn't a new perspective in any way. It's an old and inaccurate one.

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24 minutes ago, scalyfreak said:

 

That's not twisting. That's the existing starting point. The point of twisting is to find alternative perspectives, but based on everything posted so far, this isn't a new perspective in any way. It's an old and inaccurate one.

Technically, it was untwisting. Which is still twisting when you start at the alternative perspective. Which was a new, but inaccurate one.

 

Or we can look at the accurate perspective:

 

Everyone is allowed to be weak and need help, it's a part of being human. No one should be expected to be Perfect, because it's an impossible goal that only causes pain no matter how hard anyone tries. Those who say I need to be perfect, and those who say I never will be perfect, do so because they didn't live up to the unrealistic expectations given them and still cling on to those expectations. The same standards that apply to everyone else, apply equally to me, no matter what anyone says otherwise. We all have different starting and ending points, but we do our best with whatever circumstances life has given us.

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4 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

Technically, it was untwisting. Which is still twisting when you start at the alternative perspective. Which was a new, but inaccurate one.

 

 

Good point. Though since you twisted it into another inaccurate one, a better term might be retwisting?

 

Personally, I think we should have different standard for different people, because we all do have different starting and ending points, but the purpose of those different standards should be to support and help, not to tear each other down. There's no excuse for doing that to someone.

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As some of you know I live pretty close to where the big fires were going crazy in California a few months ago. There are a couple of slogans that came about as part of the recovery effort, one of them being "the love in the air is thicker than smoke" and the other being this one: 

171110201029-04-california-coffey-park-w

 

Bean said her tree was knocked over, and I wanted to check in and ask how everything is going, but I also thought maybe a slogan like this -- or even a mantra, if you will -- that ties into her analogy could be a fun thing to have. Thinking about being uprooted and of sayings naturally made me remember this: 

C8ztOm6UQAAhd5U.jpg

 

But even it isn't a perfect fit.

 

Idk, maybe it's a cheesy thought, but does anyone have any ideas? We're about midway through this extra-long challenge, so I think it's time for a little extra push, right? 

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I have nothing of actual value to add to the conversation, but since you're talking about trees and said it was cheesy, my brain decided cheesy trees = broccoli and cheese? And now I want that? idk, maybe someone can laugh at this.

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1 minute ago, fleaball said:

I have nothing of actual value to add to the conversation, but since you're talking about trees and said it was cheesy, my brain decided cheesy trees = broccoli and cheese? And now I want that? idk, maybe someone can laugh at this.

I 100% ate that for dinner last night (there was pasta present as well, but it was mostly broccoli. I ate an entire bag of frozen broccoli -- heated up of course -- in one sitting. WHAT.) and it was fantastic. You should totally have cheesy trees. 

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1 minute ago, Wobbegong said:

I 100% ate that for dinner last night (there was pasta present as well, but it was mostly broccoli. I ate an entire bag of frozen broccoli -- heated up of course -- in one sitting. WHAT.) and it was fantastic. You should totally have cheesy trees. 

I have vegan cheese, but I forgot to buy the trees went I went to Aldi the other day. :\ Maybe tomorrow, because I'm sure by now the shelves are decimated. (My local supermarkets are pretty terrible about restocking the frozen veggies during the day. Or at least the ones I want.)

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2 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I have vegan cheese, but I forgot to buy the trees went I went to Aldi the other day. :\ Maybe tomorrow, because I'm sure by now the shelves are decimated. (My local supermarkets are pretty terrible about restocking the frozen veggies during the day. Or at least the ones I want.)

Booooooo. Well... it takes more work, but just to let you know you can always buy fresh broccoli and cut it up and toss it in a freezer bag yourself. It's actually often cheaper that way, but it does require enough counter space to put a cutting board, and a decent knife, which based on what I know of your kitchen situation might not actually be possible. 

 

The whole concept that a grocery store could run out of vegetables in a day is totally foreign to me, btw. It seems really natural when I write it out like that, like, of course you want to sell as much of your stock as possible?? But it never really happens here. Damn, I'm going to have to be way more on the ball about grocery shopping if I move to Japan, aren't I? I hadn't even thought of that. Good thing I'm developing a post-morning-run grocery store habit. 

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Just now, Wobbegong said:

Booooooo. Well... it takes more work, but just to let you know you can always buy fresh broccoli and cut it up and toss it in a freezer bag yourself. It's actually often cheaper that way, but it does require enough counter space to put a cutting board, and a decent knife, which based on what I know of your kitchen situation might not actually be possible. 

 

The whole concept that a grocery store could run out of vegetables in a day is totally foreign to me, btw. It seems really natural when I write it out like that, like, of course you want to sell as much of your stock as possible?? But it never really happens here. Damn, I'm going to have to be way more on the ball about grocery shopping if I move to Japan, aren't I? I hadn't even thought of that. Good thing I'm developing a post-morning-run grocery store habit. 

The fresh produce at the two closest stores is questionable at best. Even on a good day. 

 

I think in my case it's less that they've run out and more that they just don't care/don't want to pay people to keep up with it during the day. Even when I worked at one of them I don't remember there being people stocking the frozen section? Yeah you're gonna need to get on top of that. Grocery shopping was such a pain when I was in Europe. 

 

Have Bean teach you how to grow things!

 

giphy.gif

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1 minute ago, fleaball said:

Have Bean teach you how to grow things!

Oh believe me I'm gonna be hitting up garden masters Bean and Sev like nobody's business. But only if I luck out and get a place with a yard. That's... ahem... not exactly standard in Japan, depending on where you end up. (It'd totally be a thing if I end up in the boonies somewhere, though. Also if I can ingratiate myself to the community properly the local farmers will just give me thank-you food all the time. Yussss. My host mother taught calligraphy and she was paid in fresh fruits and vegetables half the time, it was great.) 

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Sorry all, Homework had me swamped for a few days.

Okay, now I want broccoli cheese casserole.

 

I can so get you started growing things Wobbegong. Garden master I am not, but I can get you growing fun things like these broccoli.

Alaska-Remple-Farms-Broccoli-Romanesco-D   Purple-Sprouting-Broccoli-web.jpg

 

Although I will say that we love growing this sweet pepper. Its pretty and sparkles kinda

 

Pepper-Violet-Sparkle-LSS-201.jpg

 

I wanted to grow these, but the seeds are a bit expensive at $4 for 15 seeds.

 

ENHANCED-IMAGE-BW-NO-blur-vignette-Tomat

 

Our stores its like that with fresh produce. Sometimes its there, sometimes its not. We changed stores for the produce, and then the new store was great for about a year and now its switching back. But this store doesn't overwater the produce so it goes bad in the fridge 2 days after I buy it.

Oh and in other news, I already had my good thing for the day. Youngest handed me a note this morning. It was suppose to be in my lunch yesterday,but I didn't get lunch. The note reads

"Did we ever tell you how much we appreciate you? If not for you the house would fall down!. So I just want to thank you" and she got her brother to sign it with her.

I have a dumb grin already. Oh and Youngest asked how much reading i had for the week and then broke it up to show me how many pages of reading I need to do to have everything done in time, and a chart to show her if I am doing all my homework or not. I love the help, I hate the answer of "Read 20 pages a day, while doing all the videos and writing assignments and coding and discussion boards." But as she put it "now you have a a plan, and since you show me how to do things, I want to help you."

Okay off to do homework and work again. I know I am behind on updates, at some point I will get to it. Challenge has run pretty well. And I updated my spreadsheet to calculate percentage for me, so that was nice.

Oh and now I remember I need to do the "What if spreadsheet" for my class.

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26 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

"Did we ever tell you how much we appreciate you? If not for you the house would fall down!. So I just want to thank you" and she got her brother to sign it with her.

I have a dumb grin already. Oh and Youngest asked how much reading i had for the week and then broke it up to show me how many pages of reading I need to do to have everything done in time, and a chart to show her if I am doing all my homework or not. I love the help, I hate the answer of "Read 20 pages a day, while doing all the videos and writing assignments and coding and discussion boards." But as she put it "now you have a a plan, and since you show me how to do things, I want to help you."

That's so sweet! <3

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1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I have a dumb grin already. Oh and Youngest asked how much reading i had for the week and then broke it up to show me how many pages of reading I need to do to have everything done in time, and a chart to show her if I am doing all my homework or not. I love the help, I hate the answer of "Read 20 pages a day, while doing all the videos and writing assignments and coding and discussion boards." But as she put it "now you have a a plan, and since you show me how to do things, I want to help you."

This.

 

This is what proves that you're doing what's important. If you're raising a kid to think and act like this, you're doing everything right, even if it seems like everything is chaos around this moment, it's all good. :)

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21 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

That's so sweet! <3

 

She is a good kid.

 

20 hours ago, J3NN said:

This.

 

This is what proves that you're doing what's important. If you're raising a kid to think and act like this, you're doing everything right, even if it seems like everything is chaos around this moment, it's all good. :)

 

The world is chaos all the time. I think at this point I Need to just admit that it is a thing. And maybe that will be my secret. I am always in chaos.

But the important thing is, I have a good kid who gave me a huge smile.

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On 1/24/2018 at 9:16 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

Oh and in other news, I already had my good thing for the day. Youngest handed me a note this morning. It was suppose to be in my lunch yesterday,but I didn't get lunch. The note reads

"Did we ever tell you how much we appreciate you? If not for you the house would fall down!. So I just want to thank you" and she got her brother to sign it with her.

I have a dumb grin already. Oh and Youngest asked how much reading i had for the week and then broke it up to show me how many pages of reading I need to do to have everything done in time, and a chart to show her if I am doing all my homework or not. I love the help, I hate the answer of "Read 20 pages a day, while doing all the videos and writing assignments and coding and discussion boards." But as she put it "now you have a a plan, and since you show me how to do things, I want to help you."

How precious! That made me tear up at work!

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9 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

And maybe that will be my secret. I am always in chaos.

Does this Hulk shoutout mean you're finally acknowledging you're a superhero? :D

 

Bruce-Banner-Is-Always-Angry-Gif-In-The-

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22 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

Please tell me someone has a recipe.

 

I have one, but its not a healthy one. it has cheez-whiz.  (sorry, copied it over from my electronic version). I do kinda want to find a healthier version.
 

BROCCOLI CASSEROLE

 

INGREDIENTS:

          ¾ cup of chopped celery

          ¾ cup of chopped onion

          1 stick of butter

          1 can of Cream of chicken or cream of celery soup

1 jar of cheez-whiz

1 cup of rice

1 package of broccoli cuts

DIRECTIONS

Sauté celery and onions

Melt butter

Mix all ingredients together

Place in casserole dish

Bake for 45 minutes at 350º

 

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21 hours ago, PollyannaAgain said:

How precious! That made me tear up at work!

 

Not going to lie. that was the best part of that day. She is a good kid.

 

14 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

Does this Hulk shoutout mean you're finally acknowledging you're a superhero? :D

 

Bruce-Banner-Is-Always-Angry-Gif-In-The-

 

No, because well. I am still no doing anything that amazing. But the shout out just seemed to make sense there.  and remember, I said "maybe". I think it should of be "Maybe should be my secret"

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So quick challenge update.


Tuesday yet another major fire happened. Still working cleaning that up. My car's check engine light went on. With our luck, it could mean the car would blow up. So its in the shop today. Hopefully its something small.

 

Losing a car has thrown a few things into chaos, and then add that work was horrid. Who thought that maybe we should try this before we use it for all the classes. Hmmm.. needless to say, it didn't work. I am not shocked, however dealing with that has me so far behind at work. I am worried.

Homework is intense this week. I am start to feel like its either do homework or all my challenge stuff. I am hoping to get through the next few days and restart next week with a better system. I took what a month off for Christmas and its like I forgot how this works. Ugh. 

Not going to lie, I lost track of when I updated last, so here is the last few days. Sorry if they are repeats.

 

Goal

Description

1/22/2018

1/23/2018

1/24/2018

1/25/2018

Nutrition

120 oz water

y

y

y

y

Strength

Leg lifts

25

25

20

20

 

sit ups

60

60

40

40

 

Reverse sit ups

20

18

10

10

 

Push ups

14

20

0

20

 

Balance Ball push ups

12

15

0

0

Flexibility

Wrist Extension Stretch

y

y

n

y

 

Upward dog/Child pose

y

y

n

y

 

Butterfly

y

y

n

y

 

Ballet/toe Touch

y

y

n

y

 

Meditating Groot

y

y

n

y

Life and Family

Spend time with Agents

y

y

y

y

 

One good thing

y

y

y

y

 

Plan

n

y

n

n

 

Be in bed by 11:30

y

y

n

n

 

Check seedlings

y

y

y

y

Fight Chaos

Pennisula/Island

y

y

y

y

Clean all these daily

Table

y

y

n

y

 

Desk

y

y

y

y

 

Bathroom up

y

y

n

y

 

Bathroom down

y

y

n

y

At least 5 minutes per room (at least one)

Bedroom

y

y

n

y

 

Computer room

y

y

n

n

 

Basement

y

y

n

n

 

Clean Half wall

y

y

y

y

Walking

Walk 10500 steps

11751

10830

9525

10575

 

Walk 15 minutes a day

n

y

n

n

 

Walk to Mordor

y

y

y

y

 

Total points for entire challenge 290.8/360

 

Bonus Goals

1/22/2017

1/23/2017

1/24/2017

1/25/2017

Eat dried apricots

y

y

y

y

Eat Banana

y

y

y

y

Eat yogurt

y

y

y

n

 

Total bonus points for entire challenge 65/72

 

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55 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

its not a healthy one. it has cheez-whiz.

Oh dear. Fun fact: I tried cheese whiz once as a child and never ate it again. This sounds delicious thought, so I’m sure I can find a substitute!

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