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Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos - Back to the path


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Yesterday was good, then it wasn't.

Upside, I finally am starting to get a sense of how homework needs to go so I am not killing myself. Downside the car is acting up again (well the light is on again) that we fixed LAST Friday. I am kind of hoping it runs okay today since I have a ton to do today, and then we can get it in tonight and things go okay from there.

I took a few pages in my new awesome Dragon bullet journal and wrote out the things I keep saying "You know it would be good if I did these for challenges" Hopefully this will make next challenge easier because I can pick and choose.

 

I did walk a bit to pick up Youngest, but not enough to be a walk. I did manage to force myself on the treadmill however.

 

Oh and just weighed in, I am down 5 lbs since the 18th, so yay.

 

Goal

Description

1/31/2018

Nutrition

120 oz water

y

Strength

Leg lifts

15

 

sit ups

40

 

Reverse sit ups

10

 

Push ups

21

 

Balance Ball push ups

20

Flexibility

Wrist Extension Stretch

y

 

Upward dog/Child pose

y

 

Butterfly

y

 

Ballet/toe Touch

y

 

Meditating Groot

y

Life and Family

Spend time with Agents

y

 

One good thing

y

 

Plan

y

 

Be in bed by 11:30

y

 

Check seedlings

y

Fight Chaos

Pennisula/Island

y

Clean all these daily

Table

y

 

Desk

y

 

Bathroom up

y

 

Bathroom down

y

At least 5 minutes per room (at least one)

Bedroom

y

 

Computer room

y

 

Basement

y

 

Clean Half wall

y

Walking

Walk 10500 steps

13195

 

Walk 15 minutes a day

y

 

Walk to Mordor

y

 

Total points for day 15/15

Total points for entire challenge 332.8/405

 

Bonus Goals

1/31/2018

Eat dried apricots

y

Eat Banana

y

Eat yogurt

y

 

Total Bonus points for day 3/3   

Total bonus points for entire challenge 74/81

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55 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

Or maybe I am just the side character that has the tragic backstory that makes someone else into a superhero. Batman's parents for one.

 

Nope. That would only be the case if you're unimportant, and we all know you aren't. If you are a side character at all, you're one of the critical ones that the heroes can't quite function without, like Alfred or Pepper. But you are definitely not someone who died before the main plot even started. :P 

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On 1/31/2018 at 7:44 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

White noise bugs me. Growing up where I did, white noise just sounds like the cable went out which is an issue so I have to wake up and deal with it. S

 

Dude! Yes! I remember looking up “calming sounds for sleep” and found an article about white noise,  I didn’t know what it was. But then when I heard and was like “what the hell???!!! Damn tv noise!”

 

but for for people who dig it, it must work. 

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23 minutes ago, Butternut said:

I remember looking up “calming sounds for sleep” and found an article about white noise,  I didn’t know what it was. But then when I heard and was like “what the hell???!!! Damn tv noise!”

Same! It just sounds like TV static to me, my brain immediately goes “oh no something is broken must fix it!” :P

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Nope. That would only be the case if you're unimportant, and we all know you aren't. If you are a side character at all, you're one of the critical ones that the heroes can't quite function without, like Alfred or Pepper. But you are definitely not someone who died before the main plot even started.  
This!!! when I was reading Bean's post I thought: if she is not a superhero the only alternative is she is Fury or Coulson, the person who keeps all superheroes together and without whom there will be a global war. But I am still convinced you have powers, and trying to hide them as one DCU tv character I won't name because spoilers...
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23 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

Nope. That would only be the case if you're unimportant, and we all know you aren't. If you are a side character at all, you're one of the critical ones that the heroes can't quite function without, like Alfred or Pepper. But you are definitely not someone who died before the main plot even started. :P 

 

You guys put too much faith in me. But thank you

 

23 hours ago, Butternut said:

 

Dude! Yes! I remember looking up “calming sounds for sleep” and found an article about white noise,  I didn’t know what it was. But then when I heard and was like “what the hell???!!! Damn tv noise!”

 

but for for people who dig it, it must work. 

 

Thank you, I am not the only one who thinks this. I feel better now.

 

22 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

Same! It just sounds like TV static to me, my brain immediately goes “oh no something is broken must fix it!” :P

 

Yep, this is how I work too. My parents slept with a TV on, so the white noise was a sign the cable went out and everyone needed to get up to deal with it.

 

20 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

Staticky white noise always bugs me like crazy but sometimes I can find a whooshing white noise that's a little better? I usually go for rain, though. 

 

https://rainymood.com

 

Never tried that, its a thought. Then again, sitting watching rain can be soothing, listening not so much since we do live in tornado alley.

 

19 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

I get my white noise4 from a box fan.

 

If that was not an option, waves rolling up on a beach would be my next choice. :)

 

Honestly, I think I have been to an ocean beach 3 times in my life.  so ocean noises again mean something is wrong. I dunno, I think the air blowing around the room upsetting critters would be a downside. I know my Cuddly Agent Feline would not put up with it.

 

14 hours ago, Diadhuit said:
23 hours ago, scalyfreak said:
 
Nope. That would only be the case if you're unimportant, and we all know you aren't. If you are a side character at all, you're one of the critical ones that the heroes can't quite function without, like Alfred or Pepper. But you are definitely not someone who died before the main plot even started. emoji14.png 

This!!! when I was reading Bean's post I thought: if she is not a superhero the only alternative is she is Fury or Coulson, the person who keeps all superheroes together and without whom there will be a global war. But I am still convinced you have powers, and trying to hide them as one DCU tv character I won't name because spoilers...

 

OKay, first off, I don't know the DCU since we are not really DC fans. That being said, this I might be slightly more inclined to agree, but again, you guys are putting WAY more faith in me. Sometimes I do not handle stress situations well.

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26 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Then again, sitting watching rain can be soothing, listening not so much since we do live in tornado alley.

My husband will fall asleep so fast at the sound of light rain, but it keeps me up! I don’t understand why people find it soothing! I am unfortunately one of those people who needs more or less silence to fall asleep, even a quietly ticking clock will attract my attention.

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so yesterday was't bad. but there were a number of near misses and I am really tired of the "Oh look, this happened."

I did spend some time working on the next challenge, I have a few idea for it, but I really want to find something to be a "balance" point. Something to help with the uprooted/ungrounded feeling I have been having. Its slowly getting better but I still feel like the near misses and the hits are making it worse. If anyone knows how to make Karma/whatever gods we offended less upset, I would love to hear it.

 

Anyone got ideas on trying to ground myself? Especially one that is something I can do daily but isn't a huge time suck?

 

I also need to come up with some stretches and things, so maybe my challenge isn't coming along as far as I thought.

 

I dunno, I am in a funk this morning. Hopefully it goes away.

 

One good thing yesterday was the car wasn't as bad as we were afraid of.

 

Agent time was time cuddling.

 

 

Goal

Description

2/1/2018

Nutrition

120 oz water

y

Strength

Leg lifts

15

 

sit ups

20

 

Reverse sit ups

5

 

Push ups

15

 

Balance Ball push ups

13

Flexibility

Wrist Extension Stretch

y

 

Upward dog/Child pose

y

 

Butterfly

y

 

Ballet/toe Touch

y

 

Meditating Groot

y

Life and Family

Spend time with Agents

y

 

One good thing

y

 

Plan

y

 

Be in bed by 11:30

y

 

Check seedlings

y

Fight Chaos

Pennisula/Island

y

Clean all these daily

Table

y

 

Desk

y

 

Bathroom up

y

 

Bathroom down

y

At least 5 minutes per room (at least one)

Bedroom

y

 

Computer room

y

 

Basement

y

 

Clean Half wall

y

Walking

Walk 10500 steps

10750

 

Walk 15 minutes a day

n

 

Walk to Mordor

y

                                                                                                                                                     

Total points for day 14/15

Total points for entire challenge 346.8/420

 

Bonus Goals

2/1/2018

Eat dried apricots

y

Eat Banana

n

Eat yogurt

y

 

Total Bonus points for day 2/3   

Total bonus points for entire challenge 76/84

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2 minutes ago, Plazmotic said:

My husband will fall asleep so fast at the sound of light rain, but it keeps me up! I don’t understand why people find it soothing! I am unfortunately one of those people who needs more or less silence to fall asleep, even a quietly ticking clock will attract my attention.

 

See if its too quiet, I won't sleep. If its too loud I won't sleep. Part is, Hubby snores really bad, but its soothing to me. Which is probably weird to most.

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3 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Hubby snores really bad, but its soothing to me. Which is probably weird to most.

Hah, my hubs snores too and it is DISRUPTIVE AF towards my sleep quality. Heck, I even sometimes wake up if he ~breathes too loud~ LOL. I make him wear those breathing strips to reduce the snoring, and he has to face away from me when we go to bed.

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Just now, Plazmotic said:

Hah, my hubs snores too and it is DISRUPTIVE AF towards my sleep quality. Heck, I even sometimes wake up if he ~breathes too loud~ LOL. I make him wear those breathing strips to reduce the snoring, and he has to face away from me when we go to bed.

 

See, I have gotten to the point that if hes is not home, I won't sleep. Although I do admit I may of put a pillow on his face once or more than once. I just place it there.

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On 2/2/2018 at 8:10 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

 

See if its too quiet, I won't sleep. If its too loud I won't sleep. Part is, Hubby snores really bad, but its soothing to me. Which is probably weird to most.

Maybe because to you it's a familiar sound, and familiar sounds help you sleep? Like, for some people, the sound being familiar is more important that how loud it is. And for other people, it's the opposite.

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On 2/2/2018 at 5:09 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

Anyone got ideas on trying to ground myself? Especially one that is something I can do daily but isn't a huge time suck?

I don't know if this is way off base given the temperatures where you are, but, have you considered starting plants in a greenhouse. Working in the soil, growing something (which you do anyway) and connecting with the earth in that sense may be good for you.

 

Have you ever heard of rewilding? Again, since it's cold there, it may be hard, but here's a good site on it. https://learn.wearewildness.com/p/rewildyourlife Even if you don't sign up  you could just work in reading the blog and practicing some of the techniques offered there. Maybe you could even just work in listening to this podcast as you walk to give your mind something else to focus on ... http://www.danielvitalis.com/rewild-yourself-podcast/ On both of these sites are links to others, so if they don't work for you one of the other's might.

 

Just a thought...

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Meditation, perhaps? It can be done in as little as five or ten minutes in a day.
Even less if you want. And it can be spread within the day.
You could start the day with a grounding affirmation (1 min)
I am trying to practice a sensation feeling (like a bodyscan but concentrated to my mouth or feet) while brushing my teeth or walking (no additional min)
And a lovingkindness after lunch (https://www.mettainstitute.org/mettameditation.html) but for now I do only the me part, not ready for the rest (2 min)
Are you ever in boring 'I don't need to be here' meetings? Sneak in counting your breaths, check in with your body, without closing your eyes, this is important ;)

Also, belly breathing is supposed to be grounding but never got around it. Now I found a guide that suggest to exhale first, completely, no counting, then relax.
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On 2/3/2018 at 11:11 AM, zeroh13 said:

Maybe because to you it's a familiar sound, and familiar sounds help you sleep? Like, for some people, the sound being familiar is more important that how loud it is. And for other people, it's the opposite.

 

Pretty much, and at this point its been there for 16 years, so is as much as being home and safe and content as anything else. not to mention I can't sleep int he quiet anymore since it means something is wrong.

 

On 2/3/2018 at 4:00 PM, Diadhuit said:
On 2/2/2018 at 7:21 AM, Bean Sidhe said:
 
See, I have gotten to the point that if hes is not home, I won't sleep. Although I do admit I may of put a pillow on his face once or more than once. I just place it there.

Record his snoring and play when he's not home...it might work!

  This is an idea. At this point, we leave a smelly shirt on the pillow and it helps a bit, but not the same.

 

 

15 hours ago, J3NN said:

I don't know if this is way off base given the temperatures where you are, but, have you considered starting plants in a greenhouse. Working in the soil, growing something (which you do anyway) and connecting with the earth in that sense may be good for you.

 

J3NN, no this is an idea. I do find playing in the garden right now to be a wonderful help. The problem I am having is that it is stupid cold right now. I do want a greenhouse (because real tomatoes and cucumbers in Jan) but not in the budget right now unless its a real building kind. the little plastic cover things will freeze. I am actually a bit overdue to start seeds, so I am hoping it helps, but it won't be the same till I can sit outside in the sun and care for things.

 

15 hours ago, J3NN said:

Have you ever heard of rewilding? Again, since it's cold there, it may be hard, but here's a good site on it. https://learn.wearewildness.com/p/rewildyourlife Even if you don't sign up  you could just work in reading the blog and practicing some of the techniques offered there. Maybe you could even just work in listening to this podcast as you walk to give your mind something else to focus on ... http://www.danielvitalis.com/rewild-yourself-podcast/ On both of these sites are links to others, so if they don't work for you one of the other's might.

 

Just a thought...

These could be interesting. The biggest headache is I don't have much "wild" around us since outside of town is nothing but corn for about 30 minutes each direction. The podcast  probably won't happen. I actually have never heard a podcast in my life. I don't get the idea of them, and it takes brainpower and time I don't have.  (there is the crutch people, that darn T word).

 

10 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

Meditation, perhaps? It can be done in as little as five or ten minutes in a day.

 

I tried the meditation thing what 2 challenges ago. It was an attempt to slow down and maybe help me sleep better. I never got more than 2 minutes with it. The lack of being left alone was horribly infuriating. Even if I did it when I was alone from humans, Agent K9 would get worried by my lack of movement or sound and start thinking I was sick. If I closed him in another room, he started panicking. And I didn't see much improvement from the sleep aspect. And at some point, the act of trying to get to a "calm" point was frustrating that I couldn't figure it out.

 

 

3 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Even less if you want. And it can be spread within the day.
You could start the day with a grounding affirmation (1 min)
I am trying to practice a sensation feeling (like a bodyscan but concentrated to my mouth or feet) while brushing my teeth or walking (no additional min)
And a lovingkindness after lunch (https://www.mettainstitute.org/mettameditation.html) but for now I do only the me part, not ready for the rest (2 min)
Are you ever in boring 'I don't need to be here' meetings? Sneak in counting your breaths, check in with your body, without closing your eyes, this is important ;)

 

It could be interesting, but  I dunno.  Usually as I am brushing my teeth, I am rushing to either wait for a kid to be dropped off, or wrangle children into being ready to get us out the door or get into bed when I am so tired, the act of standing there is a bit hard. Plus I am trying to remember to clean the sink. And the walking is usually a hurried (Hey, I need to get this done) walk with the next 3 steps playing out in my mind. 

I don't usually get lunch unless its in my car on the way home from work to pick up Youngest. And the upside of my job, no boring meetings. Well, no meetings ever really. Apparently, being as low on the totem pole as I am, no one invites me to things, or even tells me about the department pot lucks or news.

 

3 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Also, belly breathing is supposed to be grounding but never got around it. Now I found a guide that suggest to exhale first, completely, no counting, then relax.

 

Belly breathing... not sure what this is. Honestly, it sounds like something I did when I was having kids.

Sadly, this is why I am not a druid. I have never been that "be calm, be one" personality.

 

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42 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

The podcast  probably won't happen. I actually have never heard a podcast in my life. I don't get the idea of them, and it takes brainpower and time I don't have.  (there is the crutch people, that darn T word).

Whenever I listened to podcasts, it was while I was doing something else that didn't require much brainpower. Like when I'm at work and I have a bunch of menial tasks, or doing chores at home. Or commuting. It gave my mind something better to do than repeatedly going over all the stuff that still has to get done and all the stuff that is annoying me. The stuff that needs to get done is on a list so I don't have remember everything, and ruminating on the annoying stuff is just gonna keep me annoyed. (Thanks brain, I got the message the first dozen times, can you stop now?)

 

So I never set aside time for it. I never lost time for other things because of it. And it redirected my brain to something more useful. (I also never intentionally listened to a full podcast at once. Once I had something that required more brainpower, I just paused the podcast.)

 

57 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Sadly, this is why I am not a druid. I have never been that "be calm, be one" personality.

The meditation I know (mindfulness), isn't about forcing yourself to be calm. It's about "be present in the moment", because most people live in their heads the majority of the time, always thinking about the past or the future. Which pulls you away from enjoying the here and now. It's also about recognizing and being accepting of your thoughts and feelings, which in turn helps you let them go. No "calm" point or being alone required. :)

 

1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

And the walking is usually a hurried (Hey, I need to get this done) walk with the next 3 steps playing out in my mind. 

Do you need the next 3 steps playing out in your head, or do you know them pretty well already and just need to get to them? If you don't need to be thinking about them, you can still focus on how the walking feels no matter how fast you're going. And if you do need to be thinking about your next steps, would not thinking about it for a minute actually hurt anything? 

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9 minutes ago, zeroh13 said:

Whenever I listened to podcasts, it was while I was doing something else that didn't require much brainpower. Like when I'm at work and I have a bunch of menial tasks, or doing chores at home. Or commuting. It gave my mind something better to do than repeatedly going over all the stuff that still has to get done and all the stuff that is annoying me. The stuff that needs to get done is on a list so I don't have remember everything, and ruminating on the annoying stuff is just gonna keep me annoyed. (Thanks brain, I got the message the first dozen times, can you stop now?)

 

So I never set aside time for it. I never lost time for other things because of it. And it redirected my brain to something more useful. (I also never intentionally listened to a full podcast at once. Once I had something that required more brainpower, I just paused the podcast.)

 

The problem is, at work is when I am doing 75% of my walking right now. And that is just up and down the hallway and around rooms. And generally I am trying to remember why I am walking down the hallway or what I am trying to get done since I can walk down the hallway or across a room and get 4 more things thrown at me in the process. Yes, my stuff is menial sometimes, (filling droppers) but since I am in a common work area and people love to come in to ask me things, or have me do things, I don't know how long I would get to do anything. As it is, I am only allowed music on Fridays when almost no one is there.

 

And I honestly never saw the draw of someone talking. Maybe its from never doing them, but I never saw the appeal. My boss has bazillions of them and it just sounds like listening to a conversation I am not part of, or more classwork. Does that make sense? I know its a thing, but I generally don't have anything I want to hear about. Its would end up "one more thing" to keep track of. Its the same reason that we don't have a streaming service for TV. IT would make the TV one more thing I had to keep track of (which episode are we on. when can we get to it).

 

9 minutes ago, zeroh13 said:

The meditation I know (mindfulness), isn't about forcing yourself to be calm. It's about "be present in the moment", because most people live in their heads the majority of the time, always thinking about the past or the future. Which pulls you away from enjoying the here and now. It's also about recognizing and being accepting of your thoughts and feelings, which in turn helps you let them go. No "calm" point or being alone required. :)

 

I tried the mindfulness thing briefly. I did, and it just seemed like ti was taking too much "effort' to be in the moment. It wasn't easy, and I knew it wouldn't be, but it was another "right, now I Need to listen to the lab, listen to the kids fighting, listen to the cat's congestion" and it took the bigger picture out of the moment since all ti seemed to do was make me more aware of things not being okay. It caused more concern. When the sun was out in summer, I did something similar, and that did help, but not inside. This what kinda the sit in the sun goal. Sadly, way too cold for that now.

 

9 minutes ago, zeroh13 said:

Do you need the next 3 steps playing out in your head, or do you know them pretty well already and just need to get to them? If you don't need to be thinking about them, you can still focus on how the walking feels no matter how fast you're going. And if you do need to be thinking about your next steps, would not thinking about it for a minute actually hurt anything? 

 

Some days, yes. You would be shocked the frequency at work that things are changed. Heck, yesterday, we confirmed MIL on Weds, confirmed 3 hours prior the time, 2 hours early, she wants us to drop everything and meet her since she came up and refused to come to the house. Which meant the steps changed, which meant I had to stop, mid sentence in homework and deal with her because she was being a jerk and refused to budge (For the record, her thing was "The weather is bad, and I want to drive home with the sun up." But she knew less than an hour after we talked the last time that she was coming up early. But she didn't warn us, or ask if it was okay, she just did. And for the record, we had food on the stove and in the oven, and I was stuck trying to figure something out in the homework. No one was ready since we thought we had time. We pushed her back about 15 minutes, but that was all we could get before we had to leave).  The biggest problem is, the world is planned around here, but there is too much being thrown at us we can't prepare for, we can't prevent. We are constantly adjusting the plan and making it evolve, the problem is, that usually has a ripple effect in everything else.

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Belly breathing... not sure what this is. Honestly, it sounds like something I did when I was having kids.

Sadly, this is why I am not a druid. I have never been that "be calm, be one" personality.
 


Don't want to force meditation on you, I think it is one that has to be the right time for you... but today I was thinking of you instead of meditating. Thing is that everyone (yes even druids!) get distracted sometimes, but the trick is not beating yourself up about it (aaand that's the point I am stuck at!)
For me, it has been useful to do a course about meditation. It was on a Monday and each Tuesday when I was in the course, the day was so beautifully long! It seemed to be in the Matrix, I could see the bullets slow down. Multiple times in the day I would be surprise it was so early (e.g. finishing all tasks at work and it's just 11am). Then I never had a similar experience again, struggled a lot, and now I am doing a bit better. Maybe I should re-do the training!
Anyway, I know your schedule is crazy already, but wanted to share it.

Re belly breathing I mean kind of this:
(careful, some jumping moments in there, and a lot of boredom at the beginning)
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Another thing you can do for grounding that I don't think has been mentioned is just take a second to do a sensory check in with yourself. You said before that even while you're walking you're rushing, but you can totally do this then anyway. 

 

All you need to do is run through your list of five senses (you know them, right? taste, smell, hearing, vision, and touch) and think of one thing for each sense. Right now I taste the water I just drank, I see my computer screen, my legs feel a little too hot and my palms feel the pressure of the laptop they're resting on, I hear the music playing, and as for smell: it's the smell of my home. I can hardly tell it's there because I'm so used to it, but I can think of what it smells like to return when I've been away, so that's what I'll say I'm smelling. 

 

The more you do it, the more quickly you'll be able to get out of whatever crazy headspace you've been wrapped up in and feel re-centered in your own body and experience. The point isn't to meditate or focus or clear your mind, just to remember where you are (in your body) and that everything coming to you is being filtered through your experience (grounded through the senses). 

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2 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Don't want to force meditation on you, I think it is one that has to be the right time for you... but today I was thinking of you instead of meditating. Thing is that everyone (yes even druids!) get distracted sometimes, but the trick is not beating yourself up about it (aaand that's the point I am stuck at!)
For me, it has been useful to do a course about meditation. It was on a Monday and each Tuesday when I was in the course, the day was so beautifully long! It seemed to be in the Matrix, I could see the bullets slow down. Multiple times in the day I would be surprise it was so early (e.g. finishing all tasks at work and it's just 11am). Then I never had a similar experience again, struggled a lot, and now I am doing a bit better. Maybe I should re-do the training!
Anyway, I know your schedule is crazy already, but wanted to share it.

Re belly breathing I mean kind of this:

 

(careful, some jumping moments in there, and a lot of boredom at the beginning)

 

See this is pretty much it. I am not in a head space where I think it would work. I am sure it would, but it goes into that "Will learning it right now, take more effort than it will return?" Does that make sense. It may work, but its not that I am not aware of who I am, or where I am, its that I don't know where down is anymore, or up. I  keep getting hit by things I have no control over, and i know there is no control over them. But I usually have a good sense of "I am here, this is what is going on, and" to sound really druidy "I have a connection with the earth below my feet and roots to hold me in place during hte storm." The problem is, right now, those roots are in the air, and there is no shelter from the wind and the storm. So I need to re-root and shore myself up. Mostly its more about I don't feel connected in my life. Does any of that make sense?

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