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Ensi

Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

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2 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

 

Dude!  That IS awesome. :)  You should be proud.

 

3pOzFV0.gif

 

Thanks :) I wasn't the smoothest French speaker ever and I did a couple of mistakes, but he didn't seem to mind at all! Neither did I - I was just super pumped to be able to speak French. And it reminded me how enthusiastic I used to be about studying languages... I'm gonna come up with some ways to include more languages in my days!

 

40 minutes ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

I'm so glad <3 :)

 

Thanks <3

 

48 minutes ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

This, this THIS. I need to remember this often

 

It's hard to remember it...! But I want to believe that you can become better at it with some time and practice. And it's not like I'm going, "I'm so awesome even Batman ain't got nothing on me", it's more like taking a moment to observe where I am at the moment and direct a kind thought towards myself. Today I was sitting at the reception, and there weren't any customers, so I just sat there and thought, "I'm doing a good job, and my colleagues and the customers seem happy with how I'm doing. Now's a nice, calm moment for me to take a breath and maybe read some nice online magazine for a moment." Instant relaxation!

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12 hours ago, Ensi said:

I was able to serve a customer in French! He was really happy to get service in his own language :D And there was some Finnish lady, who told me that it was amazing to hear me switch to French after I had just helped her in Finnish. I couldn't help feeling awesome about myself. Just a bit.

Hey, I feel you are pretty awesome too :) 

 

12 hours ago, Ensi said:

maybe I'll start working on becoming fluent at French and Russian.

Russian is tough.  I got pretty good at it once, but of all the languages I have worked on it was by far the hardest for me.  I bet you could do it though.

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11 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Hey, I feel you are pretty awesome too :) 

 

Hey thanks!! It's easy to seem cool online (especially when you have Scarlett Johansson in your profile pic lololol), but I think I also share some pretty non-cool things here. Maybe a bit too much, but then again, nah. This feels like a safe place to journal, especially since I'm anonymous. Except for those who have found me on FB. Whoooops.

 

11 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Hey, I feel you are pretty awesome too :) 

 

Russian is tough.  I got pretty good at it once, but of all the languages I have worked on it was by far the hardest for me.  I bet you could do it though.

 

Nice! What do you think was the hardest part? I should spent some time just reading texts in Russian to practice the cases (dative, accusative, what-have-yous). Not the easiest language I've studied, for sure, but I like it very much!

 

**

 

Ah, it's Friday evening, and I go to work next time on Tuesday! I've felt a bit sick today (I'm starting to be done with this flu season), but my mood's good. The decision to stop losing weight has, weirdly enough, made me make healthier choices than I've done in the past few weeks...! My cravings to eat chocolate disappeared pretty much completely. A colleague of mine celebrated his birthday today, so there was cake and some chocolate. I enjoyed them and then continued my day as usual; no restriction or anxiety about anything. Yaaay!

 

I met a new colleague today, and he's great! We have a very similar sense of humour, and it was nice to talk about all the movies and tv-series we've both watched. He's a musician and plays in different kinds of bands all over the world, and he's approximately 100 % rock 'n' roll :D There was also a customer that was very happy with how I helped her find an article online, which saved her from going through several copies of newspapers. All in all, I'm starting to feel like I can handle my job pretty OK! I just had dinner, and now I'm gonna read something nice and relax. I hope the flu symptoms will leave my system during the weekend... I'll drink a lot of tea, sleep enough, and do some light yoga. Have yourselves a lovely Friday!!

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30 minutes ago, Ensi said:

Nice! What do you think was the hardest part?

Oh, the grammar for sure.  Prior to Russian, the only language I had done was French, so I was wholly unfamiliar with most of the cases, and it took me forever to understand perfective/imperfective.  According to the US government, Russian is only a category 3 language while some of the others I have done (Chinese, Japanese, Korean) are category 4.  Even so, I still thought Russian was harder, but I think part of that may have been environmental (classroom vs in country).  Regardless, I still give major props to anyone can learn Russian.  No easy task for sure.

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28 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

Oh, the grammar for sure.  Prior to Russian, the only language I had done was French, so I was wholly unfamiliar with most of the cases, and it took me forever to understand perfective/imperfective.  According to the US government, Russian is only a category 3 language while some of the others I have done (Chinese, Japanese, Korean) are category 4.  Even so, I still thought Russian was harder, but I think part of that may have been environmental (classroom vs in country).  Regardless, I still give major props to anyone can learn Russian.  No easy task for sure.

 

The French grammar is lovely and simple, isn't it? :) Oh yes, perfective/imperfective are somehow still a bit mysterious...! But I think the French imperfect/passé composé helped me to find a way to understand what the difference between them might be like. Finnish is also a pretty complicated language... I'm not sure if that has helped me with other languages, but goddarn I'm happy I don't need to learn Finnish as a foreign language! O__o Whenever a foreigner even attempts to speak Finnish, I feel a huge amount of respect :D

 

20 minutes ago, LadyShello said:

I love the way Russian sounds.  I think it is a beautiful language.  Learning it is on my bucket list.  

 

Doo iiiiit! :D I'm gonna keep practicing by listening to Disney songs in Russian on Youtube. It was one of my favourite ways to study languages back in high school :P

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11 minutes ago, Ensi said:

Whenever a foreigner even attempts to speak Finnish, I feel a huge amount of respect :D

 

...or uses Google Translate to leave a comment on a Facebook post. ;)

 

Jos on lusikalla annettu, ei voi kauhalla vaatia.

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13 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

 

...or uses Google Translate to leave a comment on a Facebook post. ;)

 

Jos on lusikalla annettu, ei voi kauhalla vaatia.

 

That, too :D The admin of that FB page was super lovely in their answers to you, though! It was nice :)

 

image.thumb.png.2991590fb692e1475b21c07b33772976.png

 

:DDDD This is extra fun, because... Well, check the third one here.

 

**

 

Alright, today is for relaxation and such. I notice that it's not wise to plan too many activities for my evenings, because work takes a lot of time and energy, and it's no fun to come back home and have a ton of stuff I need to do...! I'm gonna modify my goals a bit, and allow myself to complete them mostly during the weekends. Sure, it's easy to do some yoga and reading in the evening, but if I'm not always up for studying or coding, it's fine to pass them. I've been slightly under the weather, so I've prioritized sleep and rest. Nevertheless, I feel like my goals aren't overwhelming: they're so small that they don't require too much effort, but they still encourage me to do just something small every day :)

 

I've been reading Brain Over Binge, and I'm modifying its ideas to other areas of my mental health, as well: The book presents that we have "two brains", the other one being our rational human mind, and the other one a primitive brain. This primitive brain does it very best to keep us alive, but sometimes we don't react to its messages in the way that would actually be the best for our wellbeing. Then again, when we become aware of how our minds work, we can make rational and healthy decisions with our rational brain, and ignore the primitive brain's messages. I thought that maybe I could extend this theory to my people pleasing tendencies: my primitive brain thinks that I need to please other people in order to fit in and be accepted in the "tribe". In other words, to survive :D So, when I was talking with Vinnie (the rocker boy - he talks like he's Vinnie from the Finnish version of Biker Mice From Mars :DD I could actually talk for an entire day about how wonderful the Finnish dub is, but anyway), I realized that I liked him a lot, so I paid some attention to my thoughts and feelings. He's that loud type that seems to have everything under control and he makes a lot of jokes, but I don't know if that's really the case - I don't know him yet. Nevertheless, it felt great to talk with someone who had the same dark sense of humour as I do, and he's a bit of a prankster. But if I hadn't seen a film he hyped about and showed me the poster, I told him that "I don't really watch that kind of movies a lot, but the posters look great", and allowed myself to, well, be honest. You know, instead of just laughing along and maybe binge-watching a ton of those movies during the weekend to know what the eff we're talking about :D Then again, we talked a lot about the Alien movies and the new season of Black Mirror, and he advised me to take tattoos only when I was a bit older, because "a person changes a lot during their 20's" and such. I wish to see him weekly, because he's a lovely counterbalance to the collected and calm people I'm usually surrounded by (and who sometimes take my every joke seriously - Vinnie realized right away when I was just joking about something, and even kept joking along. so refreshing). It's a richness to be surrounded by all types of people, and I actually think it could be good for my mental health. I sometimes feel like a wild oddball, especially when I was studying Finnish at the university. I could use some rock 'n' roll in my life :D

 

I'm gonna keep reading now. I'm currently hooked on Torey Hayden's Ghost Girl. She's written several books about the kids she's worked with, and I've read Murphy's Boy years ago. I can barely put the book down x__x Have a lovely Saturday, everyone!

 

ETA; I don't meant that I'm gonna start being rude to people, but I just wish to be mindful about my typical people pleasing urges, and ignore them when they arise.

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1 hour ago, DrFeelgood said:

 

Now Imgur is lying to me (#7), too. :D  I give up--I just need a proper Finnish instructor.

 

You were actually right, and Google Translate was wrong...! "Jos on lusikalla annettu, ei voi kauhalla vaatia" is correct. Don't give up, just drop Google Translate and ask me, instead :P

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A day in short:

 

  • coding happened
  • I went for a walk to the town, tried on some new clothes, and bought some food
  • I've read almost 200 pages of Ghost Girl because I really want to know how it ends
  • a very light workout happened, plus yoga
  • I'm still slightly flu-ish, but ehh
  • I'm happy with being able to listen to my hunger signals now that I dropped the intention to lose weight
  • I just had an evening snack (blueberries with quark and some protein powder), because lately, I've woken up at 4 AM feeling very hungry. I hope this helps me to sleep better. Better sleep -> being more in tune with hunger signals and being more foxy in general
  • Woodkid sent me a message that he's paid the commission :) My first official commission is done, hurah!
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Language update: I'm now very excited to revise French and level up in Russian! I found a couple of online sources (fluentin3months.com and pa-russki.com) for learning the cases, and I realized that my approach has been very difficult: I have focused on learning how the endings of the words change, but the online sources I found advise to focus on the meaning first, and rules second. This makes sense, so I'm going to approach the matter from this perspective from now on :) I'll start studying with Savannah once our math test is behind us! Somehow the French customer reminded me that I used to be a huge language nerd, but I lost it somewhere for a few years. I'm now very excited to go back to learning more. I even looked up a couple of language courses that are arranged in Russia (Moscow or Saint Petersburg) next summer... I'll think about it.

 

Sleep was OK, even though I notice that I'm slightly tense. It could be the lack of exercise - I noticed yesterday during my workout that the flu season has taken a big toll on my strength levels, but I don't mind. Being healthy is what matters, and I know that I will go back to regular exercise as soon as possible, because I like it :) I'm actually getting interested in starting pilates! Pilates and yoga would be a wonderful combo. At this point, I'm not really looking to achieve some specific results with my workouts: I just want to build a solid foundation after the tolling autumn. Pilates + yoga would be great for this, combined with some kettlebell and light bodyweight exercises. I'm gonna try a video on blogilates today, they sound fun! :P

 

My brother comes to visit today: it's his birthday, and we'll go out and have lunch together. I'm gonna take a quick nap now and do some pilates + yoga, so I'll be all set! Have a lovely Sunday, everyone :)

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Alright, pilates is tough, and I love it :D I started with the following PIIT28 (Pilates Intense Interval Training) video, and did the circuit twice:

 

 

... after which I was pretty dead :D I finished with a BOOTY WORKOUT:

 

 

... after which I realized that my muscles were DONE. :D I'm gonna keep doing this same workout for two or three times a week, until I can complete the PIIT28 circuit three times. Sure, the PIIT28 workout wasn't maybe beginner friendly, but I could follow through the workout and the exercises were pretty similar to yoga. I did my best to stay mindful about my body, and keeping my core activated, and I actually had some fun :) I really liked the dancing dog (moving from downward facing dog to upward facing dog), and I think this is exactly what I've been looking for: mindful, yet challenging! 

 

I really like working out these days, because I don't have an exact plan and a bunch of goals I need to reach. I can keep surprising my body with all sorts of exercises, and pick the intensity that suits me on the day when I'm working out. Then again, I'm gonna keep practicing push ups once the flu is completely gone... So many things to try out!!

 

We had Chinese food with my brother, and I've eaten when I've been hungry and stopped when I'm full. Some mid-cycle shenanigans + the pilates workout made me hungry in the afternoon, but I just had a bigger snack than usually, and carried on. I'm gonna keep reading now, and hopefully get a good night's sleep :)

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So Blogilates is awesome :) I'm glad to hear good things from you, friend! Pilates is a majorly awesome workout. And Cassey makes it so fun ^_^ 

 

It's so great to hear that your intuitive eating is going well!! 

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13 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

So Blogilates is awesome :) I'm glad to hear good things from you, friend! Pilates is a majorly awesome workout. And Cassey makes it so fun ^_^ 

 

It's so great to hear that your intuitive eating is going well!! 

 

At first, I wasn't sure if I liked her style (she's very energetic and positive, which hits my melancholic Finnish soul like a sun ray hits a vampire), but she's a wonderful instructor and I liked the exercises, so I have nothing to complain about :D It's the following morning now, and I can definitely feel that I've been exercising, but it's not too bad. I'm gonna do some light exercises today, as well :) Not pilates, but maybe some kettlebell and yoga. The flu seems to be finally leaving my system...!

 

My intuitive eating issues were fixed pretty much instantly when I dropped the intention to lose weight. When eating only has the goal of making me "not hungry", I can really listen to myself and decide what I need. Intuitive eating is challenging, but at its best, it allows you to learn these kinds of things about yourself and your body, right? :)

 

 Today's to-do list is boring:

 

  • visit the laundry to pick up my work shoes
  • visit the tax office to ask about a couple of things
  • book a doctor's appointment
  • pay a couple of bills

 

ewwwwww

 

To counterbalance:

 

  • have lunch at my favourite university restaurant
  • do yoga
  • journal to find things that inspire me

 

That'll do for now... I'm gonna finish watching a weird Finnish film from 1952 that Vinnie recommended me, and then I'm gonna take the bus to the laundry. Let's do this!!

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11 hours ago, Ensi said:

 

At first, I wasn't sure if I liked her style (she's very energetic and positive, which hits my melancholic Finnish soul like a sun ray hits a vampire), but she's a wonderful instructor and I liked the exercises, so I have nothing to complain about :D It's the following morning now, and I can definitely feel that I've been exercising, but it's not too bad. I'm gonna do some light exercises today, as well :) Not pilates, but maybe some kettlebell and yoga. The flu seems to be finally leaving my system...!

 

My intuitive eating issues were fixed pretty much instantly when I dropped the intention to lose weight. When eating only has the goal of making me "not hungry", I can really listen to myself and decide what I need. Intuitive eating is challenging, but at its best, it allows you to learn these kinds of things about yourself and your body, right? :)

 

 Today's to-do list is boring:

 

  • visit the laundry to pick up my work shoes
  • visit the tax office to ask about a couple of things
  • book a doctor's appointment
  • pay a couple of bills

 

ewwwwww

 

To counterbalance:

 

  • have lunch at my favourite university restaurant
  • do yoga
  • journal to find things that inspire me

 

That'll do for now... I'm gonna finish watching a weird Finnish film from 1952 that Vinnie recommended me, and then I'm gonna take the bus to the laundry. Let's do this!!

 

I liked the energy because it kept me going throughout the entire workout. I'd have given in without her energy I think. I tried following her beginner program once, but I was in a tiny dorm room with barely enough room to lay my yoga mat down.

 

That's such a good mindset <3 I want to work toward that. It's actually super weird. My new ADD medicine has the side effect of making me not very hungry. Yesterday I ate like 1/2-3/4 of my usual single-day intake. Just because I wasn't hungry. I'm not really going to complain, but it's definitely weird. Hopefully I can use this time to help learn my actual hunger signals and learn to eat when I'm hungry only. It's almost like I'm bypassing some of the retraining my body temporarily so I can retrain my mind. 

 

Hope you have a great day and enjoy your day! Enjoy your lunch and your yoga and your journalling <3

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50 minutes ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

That's such a good mindset <3 I want to work toward that. It's actually super weird. My new ADD medicine has the side effect of making me not very hungry. Yesterday I ate like 1/2-3/4 of my usual single-day intake. Just because I wasn't hungry. I'm not really going to complain, but it's definitely weird. Hopefully I can use this time to help learn my actual hunger signals and learn to eat when I'm hungry only. It's almost like I'm bypassing some of the retraining my body temporarily so I can retrain my mind. 

 

Hope you have a great day and enjoy your day! Enjoy your lunch and your yoga and your journalling <3

 

It is weird...! I remember when I started intuitive eating. It was like switching off the autopilot and actually learning how to drive the car o__o And it's interesting that you mention the affect of the medicine...! Have you read Brain Over Binge? (I almost wrote "bread over binge" lololol) The author discusses how a medicine she took at some point took away her urges to binge, and this helped her understand that the urges weren't necessarily caused by psychological problems, but physical aspects. Maybe check it out at some point :) And thanks, it's been a lovely day!

 

Well, I didn't get all the stuff done on my list: mid-cycle shenanigans made me really tired...! I stayed in bed and took a nap. After all, it was my day off :P But I took the bus to the laundry and got the rest of my stuff from there in the morning, and then I paid the bills :) I'm gonna take care of the doctor's appointment tomorrow, and visit the tax office on Friday. I also studied math today, and sent some emails about a couple of courses. I spent an hour in the afternoon doing exercises with the foam roller, and then some light stretching and yoga. I think I've achieved enough today!

 

Woodkid and I have been chatting during the past few days. I notice that I have no expectations about this situation at all, but it's nice to chat with him - maybe I've finally gained some experience, and I don't stress about dating or such as much anymore :) And it's not even dating, we're just chatting. I think I'm starting to get comfortable with my current situation, and find my own way to date or not.

 

I received a very sad piece of news in the evening, though: a colleague of mine has committed suicide :( I knew him, and I'm very sorry to hear that he couldn't find another solution to whatever his situation was. It feels really weird to know that he's never gonna be at work again. I hope you all have a lovely Monday, you're super important to me <3

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45 minutes ago, Ensi said:

 

It is weird...! I remember when I started intuitive eating. It was like switching off the autopilot and actually learning how to drive the car o__o And it's interesting that you mention the affect of the medicine...! Have you read Brain Over Binge? (I almost wrote "bread over binge" lololol) The author discusses how a medicine she took at some point took away her urges to binge, and this helped her understand that the urges weren't necessarily caused by psychological problems, but physical aspects. Maybe check it out at some point :) And thanks, it's been a lovely day!

Yeah, same here! Brain Over Binge is on my to-read list but I haven't gotten my hands on a copy yet. It might be really interesting to read it :)

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18 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Yeah, same here! Brain Over Binge is on my to-read list but I haven't gotten my hands on a copy yet. It might be really interesting to read it :)

 

Yup, I recommend it. It offers some interesting views on eating disorders. It has two parts: in part one, the author tells about her own struggles, and the second part is theory and such. I'm now reading the second part... But I advance slowly, because I suddenly have a ton of books to read! What a positive problem :D

 

**

 

It's been a good day! We were naturally sad about the colleague, but other than that, the day was fine. I would like to do a light workout in the evening, even though my muscles can still feel the pilates :DD I might need something a bit more different today, maybe some kettlebell exercises. I might try pilates again tomorrow :D

 

 I am also attending a course on graphic user interface design! It's a university course, and there's a group project. I posted a thread to the course's online platform to find a group for myself (I can't make it to the lectures), and a couple of hours later a friend of mine, whom I met in the autumn, sent me a message: she's taking the course, too, and invited me to join their group. Phew! Now I know that I have a hardworking and active group :D I'm gonna go through some of the course material in the evening, and keep practicing some math. I studied an  hour yesterday - I'm not sure how the exam will go, but I'm not too stressed out about it. The language tech team also sent me a message back: there are some small tasks I could do in exchange for credits. I'll see how much I'll have time to do, because I still need to have enough time for my own nice things :P

 

Right now, I'm a bit worn out with the idea of studying, though. It's not the studies, though, but the environment. I walked in the campus yesterday and went to study in the library, and I keep expecting to see HC somewhere, and I just have so many memories about so many places that it hurts a bit to be there. I tried to be extra kind to myself, and decided to make new memories to replace the old ones, and make the places my own again. Then again, maybe the idea of studying in the autumn is tiresome now that I have a job. But I need to remember that my job ends at the end of June, and educating myself a bit more will give me a lot more opportunities in the future. Then again, I notice that I am really excited about this GUI course! :)

 

Time to read a bit, and then work out and study. Enjoy your Tuesday!

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On ‎1‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 9:05 AM, Ensi said:

I'll see how much I'll have time to do, because I still need to have enough time for my own nice things :P

 

Smart!  I spent too many years trying to do everything for everyone.  It was a hard lesson, but I did eventually learn to say "no" to other people. :)

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Just now, DrFeelgood said:

 

Smart!  I spent too many years trying to do everything for everyone.  It was a hard lesson, but I did eventually learn to say "no" to other people. :)

 

Hmm there's also the lesson of learning to say "no" to yourself. I struggle with this :DD No one's exactly asking me to do these things, but I love getting myself involved in different places...! Which is why I have now decided not to get involved in anything else :D Instead, I should take a day off every now and then, travel to Helsinki, have fun, and such! I think I have started to appreciate these things more after I finished the thesis. Gosh, life post-university is weird. It's not so busy and I don't feel such a pressure to do things all the time.

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Gosh, life post-university is weird. It's not so busy and I don't feel such a pressure to do things all the time.


This is so accurate. I have definitely been dealing with that for the last year or so. I still don't know what to do with myself half the time

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

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9 minutes ago, Ensi said:

Hmm there's also the lesson of learning to say "no" to yourself. I struggle with this :DD No one's exactly asking me to do these things, but I love getting myself involved in different places...! Which is why I have now decided not to get involved in anything else :D Instead, I should take a day off every now and then, travel to Helsinki, have fun, and such! I think I have started to appreciate these things more after I finished the thesis. Gosh, life post-university is weird. It's not so busy and I don't feel such a pressure to do things all the time.

 

4 minutes ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

This is so accurate. I have definitely been dealing with that for the last year or so. I still don't know what to do with myself half the time.

 

 

Y'all need to have a bunch of kids. :lol:  I never got that after-school break.  Maybe that's how I'll feel when they are grown.

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