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Ensi

Ensi: The Beasts Of The New Year

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I had a year off between my undergraduate and master's degree but I don't recall having this problem.  I must have done something wrong. 

 

1 hour ago, DrFeelgood said:

Maybe that's how I'll feel when they are grown.

I keep hoping. 

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3 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:


This is so accurate. I have definitely been dealing with that for the last year or so. I still don't know what to do with myself half the time
 

 

 

True! Then again, I am starting to think about other possibilities. Possibly creating a unique career for myself? Just enjoying my time alive (while making sensible plans, of course)?

 

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3 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

Y'all need to have a bunch of kids. :lol:  I never got that after-school break.  Maybe that's how I'll feel when they are grown.

 

Ooooh little Ensleses! They would be wonderful people, I'm sure. Anxious little crybabies. I'd love them.

 

I actually heard that there are two huge changes: when a kid is born, and when they move out. Have fun while waiting for that! :D

 

1 hour ago, LadyShello said:

I had a year off between my undergraduate and master's degree but I don't recall having this problem.  I must have done something wrong. 

 

Hmm... Maybe you still had that master's degree waiting for you, in a way? I'm not exactly sure where I'm going from here, but I'm currently happy with where I am. I guess I'm just doing the things I like, and hope that it'll take me somewhere good :P I actually realized that I would really like to develop library services in the future. I'll find out what it takes, and take that to consideration while I study computer science a bit more. I think the library branch is pulling me in...!

 

**

 

It's been a good day! I was tired last evening, so I went to bed at 8:30 PM, woke up for a while at 10:30 PM, and then slept all the way to 6 AM. Work was good, and I did a light workout when I got back home. Then I spent some time online, until I went to spend some time with a friend. No studying or reading (so far), but ehh, it's good to take a day off every now and then :) Food's been so-so. I should do some meal prepping, but I'm lazy and out of ideas. Maybe I should check out some Youtube meal prep videos to get some ideas... That counts as studying, actually. I'll do that :P

 

Even though I still think about what I could study in the future, I must admit that I'm happy with how things currently are. I like to take some time to just work, get some experience, and see how the world works. I really enjoy spending time in the new department, and I'm starting to get the hang of how things work there. I have a lot of fun with Vinnie, even though we're really different: he has a ton of tattoos,  and he smokes, drinks, and plays in some bands every now and then. Then again, he has a wonderful sense of humour, and he treats people well. We also talked about the colleague who passed away, and he was really sensitive about it. He's very carefree and seems to handle every situation at work, and I guess I just rarely see people like that :D I've been surrounded by uncertain university students, so it's somehow relieving to hang around with someone who is way past that phase (I don't think he's even studied at university, though). He's pure rock 'n' roll, and it soothes my soul. It's easy to just joke around with him, but I do my very best to focus on the work u__u And there will be a lot of work ahead with rearranging all the books in our department (that's a ton, let me tell you...!), and moving the 2017 magazines to the warehouse. Whoot!

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Alright, I need to think about some changes. I've been tired lately, and I wake up hungry during the night. I usually take a small snack and sleep OK after that, but I want to change something to prevent waking up in the night... I don't want to make snacking at night a habit x__x I also have issues with my stomach: I feel bloated and uncomfortable all the time. The rash is also acting up... I see a few reasons why I'm in this situation:

 

  • stressful autumn
  • starting a new job
  • falling out of listening to my body's hunger signal, falling into diet mentality
  • eating too many sugary foods

 

Well, the autumn and the new job are now taken care of, and I'm working on the diet mentality. What I would like to do next is to take two weeks to see, how I would feel with less sugar and dairy. I'm gonna do my groceries after work, and do a very simple meal prep. I'll keep goat cheese on the menu, but I won't buy any more dairy for the rest of the challenge. What I need now is:

 

  • develop ideas for lunches and snacks
  • have a small snack at 9:30 AM, and a proper snack at 2 PM

 

That's it, basically. I really want to see if some changes in my food choices could help me with this constant blerghness x__x :D Just some small adjustments, you know! If you have any recipes you're loving at the moment, I'd love to hear from them :)

 

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It was a good day at work. There was an older man, who seemed grumpy at first, but I remained professional and helped him find a magazine that I had to pick up from my workroom. In the end, he was so happy that he wrote me an appraising letter that I should now take to the new library chef :D I was very flattered, and the note is now on my desk. I also took the beasts to the walk, and now I'm just chilling. I'm gonna solve one math problem, but that's it :P

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It's been another good day. I slept OK, but the positive stress from starting the work has made me a bit tense. I worked out to get that tension out of my system: 40 minutes of strength training exercises! I also tried reversed plank to see what @DrFeelgood is crying about, and now I understand what DrFeelgood is crying about :D I'm gonna start tracking my exercises, and work slowly towards getting back to where I was before the flu season started. I've avoided excess sugar, and prepared some frozen veggies and sweet potato to go with chicken and BACON! I haven't had bacon in ages :D The worst bloating is somehow subsiding, and my stomach feels a bit better. I borrowed a book about how to take care of hormones (especially for women), and I'm gonna see what it has to say...!

 

I have work tomorrow, and I'm meeting some friends in the evening. Sunday is for going through some final theory for my math exam, which is held on Monday morning. After that, I will have an extra shift at the new department (they needed their regular staff elsewhere), and I happen to have a shift with Vinnie. And we work together almost all day on Wednesday.

 

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Well I'm somehow better with having these feelings than mourning after HC - which, to be honest, I'm starting to quit. Hurgh who wants to buy my feelings? I accept payment in chocolate.

 

Current earworm:

 

 

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To be fair, I'm crying about myself being old and weak.  I think the reverse plank is going to be a fine exercise if I'm ever actually strong and flexible enough to contort myself thusly. ;)

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7 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

To be fair, I'm crying about myself being old and weak.  I think the reverse plank is going to be a fine exercise if I'm ever actually strong and flexible enough to contort myself thusly. ;)

 

It's a tough exercise, though! I thought that all the yoga and push ups I've done would have helped me, but nah. I'm gonna keep practicing it, too...

 

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**

 

My hormonal issues and such under the cut. If you're not interested in this area, scroll down for a manly gif.

 

 

 


 

OK so the book I'm reading is Lara Briden's Period Repair Manual, which caught my eye yesterday. So far, the book is telling me that I do not need hormonal contraception to take care of my hormones, which is reassuring. I was put on the pill when I was a teen (because my period went on for weeks), and stopped about three years later. I've been mostly regular ever since, but I have PMS, my energy levels go up and down, and there's a red rash that always comes around mid-cycle and lasts until I have my period. On the worst day, I can barely get out of bed, and I'm tired and brain-foggy. Whenever I've seen a doctor about my period pain, I've been recommended to go on the pill, but I hate the idea - I want to believe that my body can function without hormonal medicine, and I've seen this happen when my stress levels and nutrition have been in check. I don't even need contraception right now, because I'm not in a relationship (one of my doctors told me, "well, find yourself a boyfriend!" Like, thanks). The alternative is always "stress less and eat healthy", but without exact information on how my hormones and cycle actually work, which Briden's book is doing. I hope that this information helps me to understand my system better!

 
 

 

 

OK, that's about it. What am I gonna do to take care of my hormones, then? Well, I think I am currently in a healthy environment: I have a job, and my colleagues are all lovely, and I feel like I'm up to the task. This is definitely the most stable time I've had in a long, long time, and I think now's a good possibility to focus on taking care of my hormonal health :) The book I borrowed discusses a couple of foods that might cause inflammation, and it was really smart about it: it didn't encourage strict dieting, but only offered some guidelines to follow. I already decided to drop dairy for the rest of the challenge, and that's the only change I'm gonna make for now! I finished the yogurt I had in the fridge this morning, so now all I need to do is to skip the dairy section at the store. I'm still going to have goat cheese, though, because I've heard from several sources that it doesn't affect your hormones the same way as cow milk does.

 

I'm actually very curious about this experiment...! I feel like I'm ready to do it: it's been over six months since I stopped thinking about food in such a black-and-white manner, and now I understand that this experiment doesn't have to be perfect. I can have a small portion of dairy every now and then, and it doesn't "ruin" anything :) Let's see how I'll feel in a couple of weeks!

 

And here's a manly gif for us all:

 

tumblr_n2b89ekNgi1tohycao1_400.gif

 

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22 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

FTFY

 

so... manly... can't... function... x______x

 

**

 

It was a good day at work - busy, but good! I got to speak Russian with a customer, who turned out to be a Russian tutor - she gave me her number and told me that she could give me lessons in speaking Russian. I'll think about it :'D It was nice to realize that I understood her a lot better than I expected to...! After work, a couple of friends came over, and we cooked some food together and just hanged out talking. I had some ice cream in the evening, and some cream cheese with my morning snack, but that's about it...! There's no dairy left in the fridge, and I'm keeping it that way :) Goat dairy is fine, but no more protein puddings, ice creams or full-fat yogurt for the end of the challenge. My starting point was having some dairy on every meal. I might be imagining it, but I already feel somehow better and less-bloated... But there are so many other factors that I can't say it for sure. I need more data! :P

 

It's Sunday, and I finally have a day off. It's really beautiful outside with all the snow, but it's also really cold...! I'm gonna go through my kitchen to map out how much food I currently have, and then make a low-budget plan for next week. I don't get paid until the 31st, and I'm running pretty low on money. Not impossibly low, though, and I trust that I can survive, if I just stay smart (oh no). It's only 10 days :P Mom asked me if I'm OK and that she can send me some money if I need it, but I told her that I'm OK. I want to make it on my own, because it makes me feel better about myself. I also feel like Mom is a bit too curious about my things sometimes, and I just want to keep some things private. And now that I type this, I realize that privacy is exactly what I need.

 

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I'm gonna rest, do pilates today, and revise for the math exam tomorrow. Yay!!

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*dashes into the room with a pile of papers* WE GOT IT!! BIG NEWS!

 

... it's about my hormones again, and the weird rash and other symptoms I have. I think I found out what it is.

 

I was reading the Period Repair Manual last night, and it presents different ways you can take care of your hormonal health. There's a section called Histamine intolerance. Symptoms of histamine intolerance: "... can cause or worsen headaches, anxiety, insomnia, brain fog, hives, nasal congestion, [...] period symptoms such as acne, PMS, and period pain."

 

giphy.gif

 

I have all of these symptoms, more or less, and then: "Histamine intolerance is more common in women, and is often worse at ovulation and just before the period. ... that's when the estrogen is high, [...] and estrogen increases histamine." That's the exact pattern I've recognized with my symptoms. And suddenly it hit me: what meds do I take that alleviates the symptoms? Antihistamines that my dermatologist prescribed for my hives. 

 

tumblr_obp9s3okjT1qd4rf5o6_400.gif

 

I don't know about you, but this makes a whole lot sense to me. I knew that OK, there's some allergic reaction that causes me hives, and that's why my doc prescribed me antihistamines - but we didn't discuss why my histamine levels are high. She said that my hormones might still be finding balance (I had just lost 20 kg), and that's what I've been thinking ever since. I've tried to go off meds a couple of times, but the symptoms always creep back on.

 

I read on: avoiding dairy and high histamine foods, such as red wine, can help treat the symptoms, as well as taking vitamin B6. Now that I've been dairy free three days, the weird bloating is gone, my stomach doesn't hurt, and I haven't had to blow my nose several times a day (I've had to blow my nose several times a day for a few weeks now. I thought it was just the flu, but the congestion went away two days ago - maybe it's been histamine related?). So, now I know that it could be the foods I eat that cause the high histamine levels. I'm going to keep avoiding dairy and other high histamine foods. I actually believe (as does Briden in the book) that dropping just dairy should already bring about a lot of improvement to my symptoms.

 

It felt so great to find a diagnosis that explains my symptoms. I've told my doctors that I've noticed that the symptoms get worse around ovulation and just before my period, but they've just said "that's weird" and haven't looked more into it. I've asked several times if it could be related to my hormones, and I've been told that no, it shouldn't. BUT IT IS! Or could be. I'm not sure if I'm histamine-intolerant, but I'm gonna keep experimenting with my food choices :) In any way, I feel a lot better now than I did a couple of days ago. If this means that I could, at some point, stop eating the meds and manage my symptoms with my food choices, I'd be extremely happy.

 

Alright, that's about it. It's Monday, and my exam starts in a couple of hours. Have yourselves a lovely day!

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That's excellent news that you've found a likely reason behind your issues!  It's often disappointing when your doctor can't figure these things out but I guess there's an awful lot that a general practitioner needs to know..  

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On 22.1.2018 at 9:30 PM, LadyShello said:

That's excellent news that you've found a likely reason behind your issues!  It's often disappointing when your doctor can't figure these things out but I guess there's an awful lot that a general practitioner needs to know..  

 

Thanks! It's been like solving a puzzle, but I've had to gather the pieces from different places: "this doctor says S, this one says H, this one says I, and this one... T!" :P So far, so good, and I'm curious to keep experimenting!

 

**

 

It's been a lovely day! I was a bit nervous to start working in the new department a couple of weeks ago, but now I think I prefer it to my old one :D I went to do a couple of things to my old department today, and there was this one colleague, who always interprets my words/actions in the worst possible way. I was really pissed off when I went back to the new department, but after spending 20 minutes with Vinnie and the others, I felt great again. I don't have to pretend to be anything else than what I am, and they understand my jokes. Even if I don't want to spend the rest of my life working in the new department (my job mostly consists of customer service, helping people printing pages and what not), but now I know what kind of people I want to surround myself with. Another good thing in my job is that I get to see people from all walks of life. I've been mostly surrounded by university students during the past few years, so I'm happy to get out of the university bubble :D

 

When I got home, I rested a bit, talked on the phone with Mom, and then worked out! I did some yoga and kettlebell circuits. My muscles feel a bit weak, so I'm keeping exercise light for now. Kettlebells seem perfect for my current situation: I get warm and I'm out of breath, but it's not too straining. Excellent <3 Shark Week should start on Monday. I'm still feeling better, but I was really stressed out about my finances and taxes yesterday. I've taken care of it all now, and I should be OK. It's 8:30 PM now, and I'm gonna start reading a Swedish book my friend recommended me.

 

While working out, I had to stop my last kettlebell circuit, because I started to listen to the lyrics to this too carefully and broke down laughing (NSFW, would be a wonderful ringtone, though):

 

 

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Gosh, I have to admit that it's been a rather long week! :D I've had a lot to do and I've been running back and forth between the two departments x__x But I like it, in a way! I like the feeling of urgency and getting stuff done. But I've been doing customer service four hours a day, and today was especially hectic. I've been irritated with some people, and I notice that I just need some me-time. I also chatted with Woodkid and had to encourage him with his stuff (as usual), and it drained me a bit. I was so tired that I snapped at Mom on the phone, but I sent her a text message later on and apologized. I think part of this is Shark Week shenanigans, though. Uurgh, pampering, please!

 

OACGPamper.gif

 

For the past couple of days, I haven't bought anything. Today, I bought some chicken and frozen veggies, but I've made good use of all the ingredients I have in my fridge and cupboard: I have rice, chickpea noodles, oats, and a lot of other ingredients ready at home, so I don't have to buy as much food as I usually think I do. I actually enjoy being more careful with my money. I've spotted a few completely useless grocery items I buy every now and then... I hope that this would be a good starting point for learning how to life with a bit less.

 

I am also a bit worn out emotionally. I've been really happy with spending time with Vinnie, but it also makes me sad. I don't really know why. I'm still trying to figure out what I want from dating and relationships, and what makes sense to me, is finding a partner. I don't really feel that scared about the idea of committing myself to someone anymore, but I just want to make sure I dodge some bullets that have hit me in the past. I can already see a couple of red flags in Vinnie, so I know we're just gonna keep having fun the way we currently are. But for now, I just want to isolate myself in my apartment and maybe read a book. It's Friday tomorrow, and I should have a lot calmer day coming up :) Have a lovely evening, y'all!

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14 minutes ago, Ensi said:

I am also a bit worn out emotionally. I've been really happy with spending time with Vinnie, but it also makes me sad. I don't really know why. I'm still trying to figure out what I want from dating and relationships, and what makes sense to me, is finding a partner.

 

That's how I always approached dating.  The (perhaps) unfortunate side-effect is that I spent long periods alone in between short bursts of relationships until MFG and I got together.  It wasn't always pleasant, but it worked out extremely well for me.

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13 minutes ago, DrFeelgood said:

 

That's how I always approached dating.  The (perhaps) unfortunate side-effect is that I spent long periods alone in between short bursts of relationships until MFG and I got together.  It wasn't always pleasant, but it worked out extremely well for me.

 

It makes sense to me now, too. But I'm in no hurry. I've spent many years dealing with trauma and feeling like my body doesn't belong to me, and I'm only now "taking the ownership" of my own life, so to say. You and MFG seem to have a good thing going, and I believe that it's only a matter of time until I find someone to have a good thing with, too! But, as said, no rush. I appreciate the time I have to get some work experience, study some more, and spend time with all kinds of people :) Which reminds me: a friend of mine from the Swedish university's library asked me today, if I could work there this spring...! Well, that's impossible for me now, but I'd love to try working in a scientific library sometime in future. I'm glad she asked me, if I'd be interested, though!

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Haha oh noo, I talked with Cunt Tutor today! He told me that before hiring me, my boss had asked him, if I would be a good match to work at the new department, because "it requires a certain type of a person", and CT had recommended me wholeheartedly :'DD What my boss meant is that the new department is a lot more hectic, and the humour is darker. People at my old department are a lot more quiet and reserved, and I understand that many of them wouldn't find the new department all that nice. Nevertheless, I'm happy have made such an impression during my internship in the summer! :D

 

It is Friday! I'm glad, because I had another incident with the annoying colleague in the morning, and I've been pretty snappy all day (I didn't show it to anyone, obviously, but just smiled and took care of my business). I know that I'm not usually this easily provoked, but it's been a very hectic week. I'm happy to spend the weekend taking care of myself :) I'm gonna study for an exam, though, and finish the Google Developer Course. I still have a couple of sections left - I'm almost done! I haven't been very active on the forum, though, so I don't know if they're gonna pick me for the second round. I don't mind, though, since I have a lot of other things going on.

 

I bought eggs and frozen fish, and I should now have enough food to make it until Wednesday. I told Mom that I'm a bit low on money, and she almost made me accept some help from her, but I refused - and now I see just how easy it is to spend a little less money on food! I still have enough money to do some grocery shopping on Monday, if I want to, but I'm fairly sure I don't need to. These few days have been a wonderful lesson :) I still have a can of coconut milk and chia seeds, so I can make pudding for snacks, and nuts/PB + eggs. I have frozen veggies, rice, chickpea noodles, chicken and fish for main meals, and I could bake another carrot cake baked oats for breakfast. I bought a bar of chocolate to keep at work, but I don't have any treats at home - I have snickerdoodle and chocolate flavoured protein powders I can use for baking, if I want to.

 

I borrowed Bram Stoker's Dracula on blu-ray, and I'm gonna watch it in the evening. I also just learned something upsetting, but I managed to accept it pretty quickly as nothing too big. Thank goodness it's Friday :D I'm gonna rest, do my laundry, clean up and work out. It'll be all me, me, me. Have a lovely weekend!

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Carrot cake oat bake

 

  • 4 eggs
  • a couple of carrots
  • 1 dl snickerdoodle protein powder
  • 1,5 dl oat flour
  • 0,5 dl oats
  • 1 dl almond milk / any other milk
  • (0,5 dl apple purée, if you want)
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • cinnamon
  • cardamom
  • ground ginger
  • salt

 

Preheat the oven to 200 degrees C / 290 F. Shred the carrots and combine with eggs. Mix the dry ingredients together, and combine with eggs and carrots. Once they're mixed, pour in the milk of your choice.

 

Put a baking paper on the bottom of a baking pan, and pour the paste in. I like to sprinkle some granola and oats on top to make it look pretty :D Put it in the oven for approximately 30 minutes - to be honest, I have no idea how long I kept mine in the oven exactly. I kept an eye on it, and tested it by sticking a fork in it every now and then.

 

That's it! Very simple, but the seasoning makes it delicious :) I like to top it with cookie dough dip and banana. Yum!

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It's been a good day! I did my laundry in the morning, worked out for 30 minutes, took a nap, went for a walk, made some vegetable soup, and now I'm studying. Phew!

 

Shark Week started yesterday. I've been pretty pissed off during the past couple of days, but other than that, I notice that my other PMS symptoms are pretty mild (besides, being pissed off might be just a natural cause of working hard and being exposed to annoying people ;)). I'm not having painful cramps - actually, no cramps at all. On the second day of Shark Week, which is today, my symptoms always get a lot worse. I usually need to take a nap, and when I wake up, I feel groggy and foggy in the head. I took a nap today after working out and doing my laundry, and when I woke up, I had that familiar feeling in my head. I think it wasn't as bad as it usually is, though! The rash flared up a bit, as usual, but I definitely am not as tired as I usually am. My dairy consumption has gone down to maybe 10 % of what it used to be. I'm not sure if that's the reason I'm seeing all these changes (and a couple of more that are a bit tmi for y'all), but I'm curious to see, how I'll be doing a month from now...!

 

I did a kettlebell workout: a 6 min circuit 3 times, and then did some push-ups and lunges. I'm slowly recovering from the flu season, and I do love getting in some exercise :) Later on, I went for a walk, and now I'm gonna spend the evening nerding out. Unfortunately, the sound system of my new laptop broke down...! That's a bummer. But I already contacted the store, and I'm thinking that if I need to return the laptop, I might throw in a couple more hundred euros and get a better laptop. I'll see how it goes... Nevertheless, I bought this laptop from Winterfell, and the closest store of the same chain is in Helsinki. I might need to travel next weekend ;) I get paid on Wednesday, hooray!

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Sleep was good, and I finished all the Google Scholarship assignments yesterday! As said, I doubt that they're gonna pick me for round 2 due to being so inactive on the forums, but the course has helped me a ton and I've learned a lot of new things. I will have other options :)

 

As another food experimentation, I would like to cut down on eating nuts. I like to snack on them, and I might mindlessly have a bit of peanut butter from the jar several times a day. I'm gonna use nuts exclusively for baking or cooking, and skip snacking on them. I read that certain nuts might release histamine, so that's another good reason to cut down a bit. I'm not gonna follow a strict elimination diet, because I think that cutting down on dairy consumption is already a huge change, but being mindful with my food choices and finding better options could be beneficial. I'm aiming for simplicity in my diet: basic ingredients, an optimal amount of every macronutrient, and a curious attitude. Not being able to go and buy every single thing I've wanted during the past couple of days has made me look at my usual behaviour in a whole new way, anyway, and I hope to keep things going this way...!

 

As for my mindset, I think I'm doing OK. I don't feel like I'm restricting myself, nor do I have a black-and-white "I have to eliminate this food from my diet entirely forever!!" vibes. I feel like I'm the only one I need to be accountable for, not some outside force (like when I'm doing a strict diet). It's been a long way here, though, and the diet mindset still gets to me every now and then. But that's OK, too :D

 

I got 2/5 from the statistics exam. Not completely happy with it, but still, I passed! :) And I have an exam today at 5 PM (it's an online exam I can take on any weekday, so of course I'm taking it on Sunday...). I'm gonna revise a bit for it, but other than that, it's a rest day.

 

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Have a lovely Sunday, everyone!

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Wow, you've been BUSY, lady.

It's nice to see how you build your own way to happiness and wellbeing, day by day. 

Sorry about your co-worker, though. I don't know if you were close, but it's shocking anyway :(

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*emerges for a while from the depths of work to do some spying on Ensi* This challenge is almost over, but who cares - must catch up again! :D

There's so much always going on for you, Ensi! Ups and downs, and everything in between... And always experimenting.

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On 1/26/2018 at 11:50 PM, Ensi said:

Carrot cake oat bake

 

Yumm.  This looks tasty.  This is going in my keeper files to try later. 

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10 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

2/5 is a passing grade?  

image.jpeg.c31838bf85f34e589c501b6b4a13c37e.jpeg

 

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On 28.1.2018 at 11:38 AM, zenLara said:

Wow, you've been BUSY, lady.

It's nice to see how you build your own way to happiness and wellbeing, day by day. 

Sorry about your co-worker, though. I don't know if you were close, but it's shocking anyway :(

 

Thanks, Lara <3 Day by day! I think the problem with the co-worker was that he wasn't close to anyone :/ It was impossible to approach him and have a chat, because he didn't answer. I don't know. We're carrying on OK, and life goes on.

 

9 hours ago, Alarion said:

*emerges for a while from the depths of work to do some spying on Ensi* This challenge is almost over, but who cares - must catch up again! :D

There's so much always going on for you, Ensi! Ups and downs, and everything in between... And always experimenting.

 

Haha hello!! Experimenting's exactly what I'm doing, currently. Whiii! I hope you're having a good time at work :) I've enjoyed the library, for sure!

 

2 hours ago, LadyShello said:

Yumm.  This looks tasty.  This is going in my keeper files to try later. 

 

The spices make it heavenly <3 I suspect the grated ginger gives it a lovely, light sting. ... need to bake more o__o

 

**

 

I have a very lovely feeling about things, currently! I did a kettlebell workout and some light strength training exercises. I'm a bit tired, but working out seemed like a good way to feel better :) I'm getting paid tomorrow, and I'm gonna do my groceries and congratulate myself for surviving without getting help from Mom. Hooray!

 

I still live in the wonderful world of "not having a painful Shark Week". It's like I'm on pain killers, but I'm not O__o  I've been a bit anxious for the past week, though, and it's been hard to sleep, but I managed to relax today. I also checked my attitude and thoughts about "annoying co-workers", and decided to act smarter. Nothing wrong with checking your own attitude every now and then...! Nevertheless, I'm gonna keep prioritizing sleep and having fun. I feel a bit sluggish, physically, but I am certain that it'll get better as I get more active after the depression and flu season <3

 

Baww! Vinnie and I were supposed to have 4 hours of customer service together tomorrow, but I saw our work shift list today, and it showed me that I'm having the shift with someone else.

 

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I watched Vinnie make the work shift lists last week when we had a shift together, and he told me that we should totally have another day like that. And now we don't. This hurts my poor little soul more than I'd like to admit :D But I pushed my tears back in my eyes were they belong. I saw Vinnie a bit later, and he actually told me that he had to cancel our shift, because he was needed elsewhere. Like, he didn't even need to comment it in any way, but he did. It was a nice gesture, because I was really looking forward to it - it was so much fun last week! But I just told him that it's probably better for our mental health to be apart, and he just laughed (because he understood that it was a joke AAAASDRRRFFGGHHH). I'll be fine. For reals.

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It is payday.

 

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What y'all need to understand that this month, I made almost half the total amount of money I earned last year working (I've been getting by with student grants). This is ridiculous. I can't understand the amount of money on my bank account - even if some might say that it's still low...! And it was such a relief to get paid after a week of stressing out about if I'm gonna make it. I put half on my savings account, and the rest will be for paying the bills and such. After work (another lovely day!), I had dinner at town, did my groceries, got myself some vitamins and a good lip balm, and now I'm home. And then it hit me that I'm getting paid more next month. I can actually start saving money and making plans! I feel grateful about my situation. I made it here, even if it felt hard at times! Thank you all for always listening and supporting me :) This place has helped me get here. Love you all <3

 

So, I got myself magnesium and vitamin B6. They should help me with the histamine intolerance and PMS symptoms :) I also got myself a proper lip balm from the pharmacy, because the ones I've got this far have been pretty ineffective. I bought myself all sorts of good dairy-free foods, and I'm gonna do some meal prepping tomorrow morning - I have the evening shift, so I have some time in the morning to myself. I have the health check at 10 PM, where they just make sure that I'm healthy enough to work (but maybe they find out just how mental I am ;) ). I'm just gonna be open about my struggles, and I hope that it's gonna be a good conversation with the doc.

 

I'm probably gonna do some yoga later on, but for now, I'm going to watch Breaking Bad. Shark Week is ending and I'm a bit tired, but it might also be because I had a long day at work topped with grocery shopping. I got a good workout carrying home two heavy bags of food :D Have a lovely day, everyone!

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Ouch, the symptoms hit hard yesterday...! I had an evening shift at work, and it was really hard to focus on what the customers wanted O__o But I pulled through OK. I don't know if I ate something to make the symptoms flare up, or if my hormone levels are changing at the end of Shark Week. Whatever it was, I'm gonna keep a positive mindset and trust that there will be progress in the long run. I've had a hard time dealing with the feelings of being bloated and sluggish, but it's just not helpful to be frustrated about it. I also had the health check in the morning, and the doc was awesome :) She didn't make me step on the scales, and gave me positive feedback about my eating habits. She listened to me and was very understanding, and all in all, the health check went well. She even checked my hearing! I've been somewhat paranoid that I have some trouble with my hearing, because I sometimes need to ask people to speak up :D but it turned out that my hearing is perfect.

 

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All in all, I think my body is perfectly healthy, but stress makes it develop symptoms. I've felt a bit overwhelmed and powerless lately (perfectly normal when starting a new job!), but I'm gonna shift my mindset and take the reins again :) 

 

It was a long day, but I managed to go for an hour's walk in the morning to get some more groceries (just filling up the cupboard). It's gonna be another long day today...! I leave work a bit sooner to go to a group meeting with my university peers, and after that, I attend the opening of a comic exhibition of a friend of mine! I'm gonna stay there for an hour, and then come home: I have sauna booked at 6 PM!! I'm gonna do some relaxing yoga in the evening :) Enjoy your Friday, everyone!

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