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annyshay

Annyshay's Intentions Wrought with Ws

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2 hours ago, annyshay said:

Apparently her full name is Shayanna Summer Wolf. HAHAHA. Mom didn't want to yell Summer across the pasture, so she decided "Shay" was close to Shannon and would work. So, kinda?

I keep thinking your name starts with Shay... lol and then your name here is Annyshay, so I became really blonde :D She has the first part of your name, so yes!

2 hours ago, annyshay said:

Mom's rule is that you have to fall off three times before you're a real rider. We told Carissa she was closer now. :)

Yah! I'm a real rider :D You and your cousin look very alike, and I like the look of Spring. I have to, have to organise an outride for the boys and I. After Adam was on the horse at the circus he almost begged me to organise something soon.

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what a gorgeous first outing! Except for the fall, of course, but your description of the park alone sounds magical and the pics are full of joy and sun and mmmmmmmmh :)

 

This 4thewords thing looks so very shiny :love-struck: Thanks for the share and keep rocking it! What an awesome start into your new year!

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7 hours ago, Wolfen said:

Sounds like it was an awesome adventure @annyshay. Glad you got the experience. I haven't ridden a horse in years, and I really miss it.

Yay horseys!

 

7 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

What a wonderful time. I think cottonwood is super pretty but I am so allergic to it. It makes my eyes water like crazy

We were commenting about how glad we were that we weren't allergic because it was everywhere.

 

6 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

Following from almost the beginning this time!!  :D  I love your goals and I'm excited to follow along!

 

I also just went to 4thewords.com, having never heard of it before; and the first question on the homepage - "What is this new, magical place?" - is exactly what went through my mind. WHAT. THE. WHAT. This is beautiful and incredible and WHOOOA. Also, I saw you on the news feed!  :) 

All credit goes to @Bouncer the Resilient for introducing me. I bet it spreads around the Rebellion soon. :D

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5 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

Yah! I'm a real rider :D You and your cousin look very alike, and I like the look of Spring.

Hehe, congrats! Thanks, I used to think she looked like a beauty queen, so that's quite the compliment. Spring is a lovely Arabian. Mom has a tendency to find very pretty girls. :)

 

4 hours ago, lucky fire dragon said:

what a gorgeous first outing! Except for the fall, of course, but your description of the park alone sounds magical and the pics are full of joy and sun and mmmmmmmmh :)

 

This 4thewords thing looks so very shiny :love-struck: Thanks for the share and keep rocking it! What an awesome start into your new year!

It was lovely. Glad you enjoyed! Come play.

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41 minutes ago, Chris-Tien Jinn said:

Great start to a new year.  You're inspiring me in so many directions!!!  That writing app looks stellar; I'll do nearly anything for an achievement!

Me. Too. 

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1/2/2018

Walk - went for an 8 minute walk around my mom's property as tomorrow is my last day here. Got a look at her desert yard and then went to say goodbye to each of the horses. Warm sunshine was very welcome. 

- took a second walk with Mom down the canal that feeds her street, total of 1.07 miles

Write - I've been on a winter frizi hunting binge trying to get the last few treasures before the end of the Winter Wonderland on January 3rd. My streak is in tact, and I'm on the hunt for an item that will let me fix the one day I missed, which would give me a much longer streak and probably some sweet reward items.

Weave - I got the same mission from Rising Heroes today. Yesterday I remembered our waitress' name, Cayenne, which was easy because I just thought of the spice. Today I remembered the name of the man fixing my mom's truck, Marty, and the man who fixed her internet, Jesus. Feeling very grateful for the people that serve my mom.

 

1/3/2018

Walk - enjoyed a few last short walks with Mom on the way into the Musical Instrument Museum in Phoenix (amazing, go check it out at http://mim.org)

Write - 11 day streak (!!!) and got the last two frizi to complete a mission despite it being a LONG travel day

Weave - spent a lot of time with Mom in the car (3 hour drive to Phoenix) and then at the museum, also had pleasant interactions with my seatmate on the plane who seemed a bit nervous flying

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22 hours ago, Chris-Tien Jinn said:

Ice bucket exercise??  Um ..... brrrrr??  

It's a part of the Wim Hof method. I've been doing it since @zenLara started it. Basically, stick your extremity in ice water for 2 minutes. Remember to breathe. Cursing acceptable.

 

14 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

Your foot looks swollen and RED! You are brave, girl.

That's all the delightful blood going back in to warm my foot up. It actually feels really good at that part. NOT when in the ice. That hurts like *insert expletive of choice*!!

 

46 minutes ago, CallunaTook said:

I don't know what ice bucket exercise is, but I LOVE that mod Star Trek fabric with the atomic bursts on it. 

Torrid. Her Universe. Star Trek collection. A++ loot.

 


For more Wim Hof shenanigans, check out my battle log. I ramble about it there at length. 

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1/4/2018

Walk - in addition to the 40+ minutes I spent fighting my car to unlock early this morning in the -3 degree F weather... I went for a 5 minute walk around my block this afternoon. I'm not in Arizona anymore, brrr. I spent some of this time without gloves on as a substitute for more of the ice bucket exercise for Wim Hof. It wasn't that bad, actually.

Write - 12 day streak on 4TW, over 1000 words, journaled a bunch about the new program I'm starting with Amy Clover of Strong Inside Out (her bootcamp, woot)

Weave - had a really interesting discussion with my Uber driver at 1am. He was a surgeon in Somalia before he came to the US. Crazy stories and a strong example of why I have such a problem with a lot of the discussion around immigration lately in our country. His name was Jamal, which counts for the third remembering a stranger's name quest on Rising Heroes, woot.

- went out to brunch with one of my friends from work after my big stressful meeting, which was a great way to debrief and catch up with each other about our constantly evolving work drama

- called my other friend from work this evening to talk about evolving work drama and ended the conversation with some positive discussions regarding swing dancing and other fun events

 

It has been a whirlwind return from vacation, as is often the case. I think I have caught up with the absolute essentials. Tomorrow morning I have therapy and then I have clinic, so... lots more work to do. I will update you guys with some fun vacation stories and maybe info on what's going on at work if I can get some time this weekend. 

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what an awesome run on your writing woot woot!!

Glad you had such a lovely time on your vacation :)

 

And you totally are a beauty queen - with lots of sparkle on top! I love how your eyes shine with so much LIFE on any pic of you and that smile :love-struck:

 

Wish I could play with you on the 4TW for sure!! But I made an agreement with hubby that we will only spend any money for necessities right now and I can't realllllllly call it a necessity ;) Oh, I could do the free trial run! Silly me

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12 hours ago, lucky fire dragon said:

Oh, I could do the free trial run!

 

That's dangerous.  I started the free trial, and it is really fun ... enough to get me writing on some projects that I've been avoiding .....

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17 hours ago, lucky fire dragon said:

And you totally are a beauty queen - with lots of sparkle on top! I love how your eyes shine with so much LIFE on any pic of you and that smile :love-struck:

 

Wish I could play with you on the 4TW for sure!! But I made an agreement with hubby that we will only spend any money for necessities right now and I can't realllllllly call it a necessity ;) Oh, I could do the free trial run! Silly me

:flustered: D'aw. Thanks, LFD!

 

Watch out. That's how they hooked me. ;)

 

4 hours ago, Chris-Tien Jinn said:

 

That's dangerous.  I started the free trial, and it is really fun ... enough to get me writing on some projects that I've been avoiding .....

Exactly. :D

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1/5/2018

 

Walk - took a lap around my block before I came inside after work. In case you were wondering, Minnesota is VERY COLD right now.

Write - 13 day streak, wrote a bunch this morning and planning to do a bit more now.

Weave - spent some extra time with my patients today, which always makes me a happy doctor. Also had a longer-than-usual chat with the delivery man. Minnesotans like to discuss the weather when we can say something beyond, "well, it's a bit cold." ;)

 

Today was therapy and clinic. I got all my clinic documentation sorted before I finished today. Woooooo! That means more time for catching up on here and writing this weekend. Woot woot.

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On 1/5/2018 at 11:45 AM, lucky fire dragon said:

And you totally are a beauty queen - with lots of sparkle on top! I love how your eyes shine with so much LIFE on any pic of you and that smile :love-struck:

I agree!

Sorry it took me a bit to catch up.

On 1/5/2018 at 4:09 AM, annyshay said:

He was a surgeon in Somalia before he came to the US.

Wow... was a surgeon, now a driver... Life... :(

Would like to know how things at work are going, if you want to chat about it. Glad you had some good conversations with your friends lately, catching up and getting so much done!

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Weekend Update!!!

 

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Vacation

 

I tried to give you guys more of an idea of things as I went along this time. I hope you enjoyed the pictures that I shared. This vacation was SO necessary. 2017 was a really humdinger of a year for me. My toxic work environment is a constant source of stress. Dealing with it has been one of the hardest, scariest things that I've done - like worse than running codes on patients in cardiac arrest and lasting MUCH longer. It was such a blessing to spend this time with my family in beautiful Arizona. My cousin who is going to Vet school flew down with her boyfriend. I didn't know they were coming, and they picked me up at the airport in Phoenix, so we had several hours to revel in a good surprise and catch up with each other. For the 4-5 days they were in Yuma, we had nightly family get togethers rotating through houses (Mom, Aunt, and another Cousin all live in Yuma). We played ridiculous games every night and had a great time despite more than half of us having colds. Once most of the family went back to work, Mom and I were able to have some delightful lazy days together. She's a teacher and doesn't go back to work until 1/8, so we were quite relaxed. There were some days that I spent entirely in pajamas. We got her internet and media player fixed. I introduced her to Stranger Things. I spent a lot of time with her 4 horses, 3 dogs (1 is a new puppy who LOVES to nose boop us), and 2 cats. I rode twice. She cooked for me quite a bit. I drank a ton of tea. I wrote a lot. I spent almost no time thinking about work. It was grand!!!

 

Travel Day

 

Did I whine about my travel day yet? Probably some, but I bet that I skipped over a lot of good moments and juicy details. 1/4 I had a flight scheduled out of Phoenix at 7:40pm. Mom and I got up at a reasonable time and on the road by 9. I love road trips with my mom. We talk more and enjoy each other's presence quite a bit. We stopped for lunch and made it to the Musical Instrument Museum a bit after noon. That place is NUTS. They have galleries organized by continent with instruments and other music related items as well as corresponding audio clips that play automatically if you get close to the TVs interspersed throughout the visits. I LOVE music and was enthralled. We spent a bunch of time in Europe, USA (which had a ton of awesome indigenous and less mainstream music included), and Asia. I took SO many pictures. We needed to stop for food right before the museum closed and still hadn't touched Latin America, Africa, or Oceania. I can't wait to go back. Oh! Downstairs they have an experience room where you can play with some of the instruments. It may be meant for kids, but Mom and I were the last ones in there. ;)

 

From the museum, we headed to Sky Harbor airport and said our goodbyes. The traffic was crazy, but security moved surprisingly quickly. My flight had been delayed to 8:40pm, so I had a leisurely dinner with a margarita. I did some stretches and meditation while waiting for the plane. The flight was quite pleasant, and I actually got some sleep which is still such a new phenomenon for me. I never used to be able to sleep on airplanes. We landed in the Twin Cities a bit after midnight, so it was about 12:30 by the time I got into an uber with the driver who was a surgeon in Somalia. I think I got to my house around 1am. My apartment has a key to the outside that cannot be replicated and we are only allowed one, so my friend that was watching Dragon left my house keys in my car. My car locks were frozen solid since it was -3 deg F. I spent a half hour or so trying to warm them up with my body heat by pressing my hands into the metal (btw, no gloves and layers but not my warmest coat since I was coming home from the desert). I called a locksmith who said it would be at least 45 minutes. :( About that time a car pulled up to a neighbor's house. I cautiously approached and explained my predicament to a kind woman. She agreed to come over and tried the lock, which finally opened up. I was soooooo grateful. After settling Dragon and getting stuff into safe places, it was 2am before I was in bed.

 

I slept until about 8am, which was actually quite restful. I tried to go about my usual routines and prepare for the big research meeting I had at 10am. When I went out to my car around 9:35... I couldn't get the ignition to turn. It was like that lock was frozen too. This research meeting happens twice a year and is basically where they decide if I am on track to finish my fellowship. I did NOT want to be late. So, I texted my boss (not THAT one) and ordered an uber. I got to the meeting within 2 minutes. Not exactly how I wanted to enter a stressful meeting, but I killed it. We'll talk about the details of that to come, but let me finish the travel woes. My co-fellow was willing to drive me home and we had brunch after the meeting. It was a great time to catch each other up on life. She helped me figure out how to wiggle the ignition just right to get it to work afterwards. So, that was harrowing but with help I was able to rise above all these obstacles.

 

Ok... Work Update. Warning: here there be monsters and all kind of triggering things. Enter at your own risk.

 

Spoiler

I know I've been teasing you terribly with vague allusions to the chaos at work. I think it's possible to update you some at this point, but I have to stay fairly vague. I am in a fellowship that is combined between two departments. The program director of one of these programs is emotionally, financially, and verbally abusive and has bred a toxic environment that has been very challenging to endure. I have almost reported various behaviors several times but been discouraged from doing so by other members of my program because of past instances with more egregious behaviors that did not result in him being fired or losing any power in our department. I have been seeking support from several channels all of whom agreed that I needed to report his behaviors. I was very reluctant to do so because our program is so small and I am very afraid of retaliation. Eventually a process to investigate his behavior was begun. The process has been slow, secretive, and included several instances of inappropriate disclosure of confidential information that have put me and my colleagues at risk. I have been having 2-3 meetings most weeks with various levels of the administration trying to express our fear and desire for some concrete actions to protect us. I cannot discuss this with most people I am working with even though it taking up huge swaths of my time and energy. It has been very hard to continue to fulfill my duties without revealing anything inappropriately. 

 

So, I went in to this research evaluation meeting not knowing if this program director would be present. The meetings involve three parts. We start with what I call the tribunal. The board room is full of around 10 senior members of the departments including my mentorship team. My mentorship team is not supposed to talk as I explain my progress in research and clinical duties since the last meeting. This lasts about 25 minutes. I then leave the room to let them discuss me in private. I call this phase awaiting sentencing as we are supposed to stand in a back hallway of the university and not freak out. This is usually 10-20 minutes. Often there are fellows in the hallway who will go later, so it's kind of like waiting to give your final performance for the gamemakers in Hunger Games. This time I was the only one there, so I couldn't even engage in distracting small talk. Finally comes the sentencing, where I return to the room with the tribunal and they tell me their decisions. This is usually short and along the lines of "you need to do a lot more of these things that I think are important for your career". Then it's over. A few days later we get a written version of the sentence to sign. 

 

As some one with social anxiety and performance anxiety, this is a very close approximation of torture. But it is necessary torture to advance through my current program. Add to that the uncertainty of my abusive boss's presences and all the travel hiccups described above. Despite all this, I entered the room. My mentor was sitting across from me. My abusive boss was present but out of easy eye shot. I made some jokes about the weather as I prepared myself to present my case. I used this meeting to propose a change in my funding mechanism for the next year. This would shift many of my responsibilities towards my supportive mentor away from the distant researcher that currently has control over my salary. This will take me off of the more traditional "research" path, so I was nervous that there would be a lot of resistance to the idea at the meeting. I spent a few days over vacation writing out a detailed outline of my arguments in order to prepare. Thankfully, the room seemed generally supportive. My abusive boss made some flowery statements about how he would be happy to help me in any ways possible and all I had to do was ask. I'm sure this sounded very supportive to the people in the room that don't know the further context, in fact one of my mentors sent me an email praising his statements. I saw it as empty posturing at best or attempts to manipulate me back in to dependence on him in the worst case.

 

Later that day, I was informed via a two sentence email that a meeting has occurred with our program director, but it is clear that there have been no plans to remove him from his supervisory roles at this point. I believe the wording was "we are working on a transition plan". This has been going on since at least November. We still have clinic and several conferences with him every week. He still has the power to determine if we have completed our fellowships and whether or not our research endeavors are supported financially. We are supposed to report any retaliation the moment it happens. I understand the necessity of this course of action on the administration's part, but is very hard to set aside the feeling that I am being used as bait. I am having a very hard time not flashing back to my parent's divorce and am reliving more emotions from that time than I ever wanted to. I think this is actually harder than my parent's divorce because I am an adult and more aware of everything that is happening as well as having my own emotional baggage to deal with. Thankfully, I have an amazing counselor, a strong social network, and my deep relationship with Jesus. Otherwise, I'm sure that I would have completely broken down already.

 

I think I've also been reluctant to share all of this because I don't want it to change the vibe here on Nerd Fitness. You all are such a source of hope and strength for me. I want to be honest with you, but I also don't want you to be overwhelmed with the things I'm struggling with. This is probably a reflection of my own growing work with boundaries, actually. So, I am trying to be open to sharing my struggles and receiving any support that is offered. Anyway, life is basically really intense for me right now even above my usual crazy work busyness. Through the intensity, I know that I am healing and opening up in new ways, so I'm actually strangely grateful for the process. Most of the time, I'm just plain exhausted though, which makes complete sense. Hopefully this helps you guys know a bit of what's going on in my head. It has certainly helped me to write it out. If you read all this, you have my thanks and admiration... even more than before. ;)

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15 hours ago, pureleeawesome said:

Look at you smashing your goals! Nice work :)

Thanks.

 

7 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

I agree!

Sorry it took me a bit to catch up.

Wow... was a surgeon, now a driver... Life... :(

Would like to know how things at work are going, if you want to chat about it. Glad you had some good conversations with your friends lately, catching up and getting so much done!

Thanks love and never worry about catching up. You're always here at the right time. See above re: work drama. Thanks for being patient with me.

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So glad you had an awesome time with your family. Ahd woohoo for killing it at the research evaluation meeting. Wow, those do sound stressful. I'm not sure I could do that. On the spoiler content, thanks for trusting us enough to share, we are always here to support you. So proud of you for doing the difficult thing and reporting it. Praying that actual action takes place, and the boss faces consequence, and for peace and strength for you.

psalm-29-11.jpg

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7 hours ago, annyshay said:

I think I've also been reluctant to share all of this because I don't want it to change the vibe here on Nerd Fitness. You all are such a source of hope and strength for me. I want to be honest with you, but I also don't want you to be overwhelmed with the things I'm struggling with. This is probably a reflection of my own growing work with boundaries, actually. So, I am trying to be open to sharing my struggles and receiving any support that is offered. Anyway, life is basically really intense for me right now even above my usual crazy work busyness. Through the intensity, I know that I am healing and opening up in new ways, so I'm actually strangely grateful for the process. Most of the time, I'm just plain exhausted though, which makes complete sense. Hopefully this helps you guys know a bit of what's going on in my head. It has certainly helped me to write it out. If you read all this, you have my thanks and admiration... even more than before. ;)

 

First of all, I'm super glad that you had a wonderful vacation!

 

Secondly, work boundaries are awesome and super important, regardless of the situation you are in. So good for you! I am super proud of you that you have been able to continue to improve your life with all the stress you have been dealing with. Thank you for giving us some more insight. <3 

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9 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

Through the intensity, I know that I am healing and opening up in new ways, so I'm actually strangely grateful for the process.

This! That was exactly what I found now looking back at the stuff with my mom. I'm so glad that you can see and feel that something good is already coming from this.

I'm glad that you trust us enough to share and admire you so much for what you stood up for and how you continue to gracefully do what you need to do. You are so courageous, and God ARE with you every step of the way. I pray that things are being done in the background that change will be made possible. I pray that you will be protected, because you are not just coming up for yourself but also acting on behalf of others.

Just take one day at a time. You have enough grace, strength, hope and love to see you through this day :love_heart:

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