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annyshay

Annyshay's Intentions Wrought with Ws

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oh, darling. we love you, and we want to help you carry the burden any way we can. don't worry about burdening us. we are here for you. and if what you need is a cheerful supportive NF full of cat GIFs? you got it. if you want some constructive strategies? you got it. if you just want to blow off steam every now and then? you got it.  thank you for trusting us!

 

reading your cut text - you are so GREAT. seriously great at everything. I know you're walking a difficult line right now but I can't tell you enough how impressive your boundaries and strength are!

 

STAY WARM!

tenor.gif?itemid=4931555

 

 

AND BEAT THE DARK SIDE!

tenor.gif?itemid=5483839

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You are all the sweetest human beings, and I am so grateful that you are in my life. *BIG GROUP HUG* You are supporting me perfectly just the way you are. Mostly I think my fear of being a burden is actually covering up a deeper fear. I don't want to cave in to the Dark Side of supreme negativity as I've definitely struggled with depression a ton before. Currently, I'm very aggressively trusting Jesus to protect me. Without Him I am not brave at all. He is the only reason I can act on my beliefs and values, like these...

 

"All that is required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." ~Edmund Burke~

and

 

silence-is-evil.png

 

 

Mostly at the moment I just feel supremely anxious and out of control. So, I'm focusing on surrendering the outcome and trusting that God knows better than me. This is SUPER HARD for me and also really important. Basically, I will keep telling myself this. And breathing. Breathing is good.

 

b20ce1e1ff63804b14a1ee5803bae6b3--aslan-

 

Also, I'm going to see The Last Jedi again with my friends in about an hour. :D 

 

DMt8aGiUIAA5Ids.jpg

 

"Something inside me has always been there, but now it's awake and I need help."

 

I'm sure this will prompt a lot more musing. Oh! I have been reading A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. I did not expect to like it at all, but I've been staying up WAY too late *cough* 2am *cough* reading it. I found it at the perfect time in my life as a lot of the descriptions of the main character's magic feel VERY MUCH like how my emotions are. Remind me to talk more about this at some point, yes? Until then... May the Force be with you.

 

 

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Thank you @annyshay for your openness about some of your struggles at work. A toxic work environment can be really tough to deal with. I taught in a school for four years in which I was not wanted by administration or some of my colleague's. I switched teams and it got a little better, but the new principal despised me (not sure why, but I think it was because she wanted someone else in my position). Like you, my faith in Jesus kept me strong, and I remained professional and even kind to my colleague's and my administrator. A new door finally opened for me, and I took it. I was surprised to learn at my first interview that my administrator had spoken highly of me.

 

Hang in there, do your job to the best of your ability, and keep your faith strong.

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9 hours ago, Wolfen said:

I was surprised to learn at my first interview that my administrator had spoken highly of me.

That would indeed be very surprising. Thanks for the support!

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1/6/2018

 

Walk - went on brief walks to and from a local music venue

Write - 14 day streak, over 3000 words

Weave - spent a lovely evening with my friends, we went out for Japanese food and then to the Cedar Cultural Center to see Ukelelezaza and Dan's Cafe Accordion Orchestra. Excellent excellent music with great people. :D

 

 

1/7/2018

Walk - went on a mini trip around the block after taking my grocery bags back to the car and getting the mail

Write - 15 day streak, many words

Weave - went to see the Last Jedi with my friends from work, such fun, had different responses to some parts but not the main story... which is still amazeballs. Rey 4 EVAR, basically.

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Week 1 Summary

 

Walk - 100%

Write - 100%

Weave - 100%

 

100PercentAwesome_1600x1200.gif

 

Killing it, basically. I seem to have found good goals that are not a problem to maintain every day despite a chaotic return home. I'm doing a lot of other things outside of these three goals, so I've been having a strange amount of anxiety about what things are actually important and whether or not I should have a more rigid system to ensure that I'm doing everything I possibly can. And then I stop and go, nah. I'm awesome. I'll do what I can when I can to take care of my body and mind. More rules and structure is my perfectionist brain talking, and we've tried that way far too many times before. So, if Wim Hof happens, great. If I do some super sweet workouts with Rising Heroes, awesome. That doesn't mean that I HAVE to do anything. Go. With. The. Flow. Shannon. Sheesh. Now I'm off to write, and maybe do some more work. ;)

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1 minute ago, annyshay said:

Walk - 100%

Write - 100%

Weave - 100%

YESSS!

 

1 minute ago, annyshay said:

Go. With. The. Flow. Shannon. Sheesh.

Indeed, don't fix what ain't broken.

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1/8/2018

Walk - took a few extra minutes outside at various times as I was decluttering my collection of shipping supplies after Christmas

Write - 16 day streak, 3600 words and counting

Weave - spent a few minutes after our research seminar catching up with friends and comparing notes on Star Wars. I also set a boundary and made sure to catch the shuttle instead of waiting around until the conversation naturally stopped. Double win.

- reached out to my former roommate and asked if she wanted to watch Avatar: The Last Airbender together. We watched it together when we lived together, so it holds a special place in our hearts. I bought her the complete series for Christmas, so we could both play it and g chat through the episodes. We're starting at the beginning, so today was The Boy in the Iceberg. So many good moments in that episode. Sokka calling Appa a "fluffy snot monster" was the funniest to me today for some reason. I guess it's appropriate for flu season? Glad I'm not sick at the moment.

 

tumblr_mhzai149Sz1rfqu12o1_400.gif

 

 

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1/9/2018

Anybody else feel like 2018 is flying already? I can't believe we're almost to double digits...

Walk - took a few brief walks outside that count for this to and from various lectures and study spots

Write - 17 day streak, journaled some during the group call for SIO Bootcamp tonight too

Weave - worked at a tea shop with a co-worker and had lunch together

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1/10/2018

Walk - around my block this evening, it's raining and warm today but a cold snap is headed our way

Write - 18 day streak, going strong here

Weave - clear boundaries with co-workers

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In addition to these goals, I've just finished my first week of Strong Inside Out (henceforth SIO) Bootcamp on the Rise Up track. This is another of Amy Clover's programs. I spent most of last year with her working in Intentional Eating, so this was the next step for me to continue to get support and get moving in a loving way that is more consistent. The Rise Up track is targeted towards beginners and/or people who struggle more with depression. Amy suggested I do this one even though anxiety and stress are my biggest issues at the moment because it would be less likely to trigger perfectionist thoughts. 

 

Each week includes a workout schedule with a video for a strength routine based on a particular intention or mantra and a mindset challenge. For me, week one had two strength workouts, one cardio workout, and 7 days of gratitude journaling. The strength workouts were based around the mantra "this is perfect". Seems an interesting choice to this perfectionist, but it was basically that showing up is exactly what we need to do and that this moment is not what we will feel like forever. Gratitude journaling is writing down three things I'm grateful for each day. My cardio day I just put on a bunch of music and danced around for 20 minutes. There's a facebook group that is quite active and supportive. Every two weeks we do a group call with 10 minutes each for one on one coaching with Amy. That happened yesterday and took about 2 hours. Group calls make me nervous ahead of time, but are one of the most helpful parts of Amy's programs for me. It's great to get some focused attention, but the best thing is just seeing how we are all struggling with similar things. We are not alone! My personal assignment was to ask myself questions when I feel like I want to over-protect my co-workers or do something "more". The main question is "what will this cost me?" I started playing this game today and am keeping notes in my journal. 

 

Tomorrow starts my week 2, which continues with gratitude journaling. There will be a new strength workout to do twice as well as two cardio sessions. I sat down and wrote these out in my BuJo because the worksheets assume you started on a Monday and that will drive me nuts, hehe. I'll let you guys know how it goes. At the moment it is dovetailing nicely with Rising Heroes.

 

hsj-riseup.jpg

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49 minutes ago, annyshay said:

I'll let you guys know how it goes.

 

It sounds amazing. Keep us posted. Glad you're doing well.

 

50 minutes ago, annyshay said:

At the moment it is dovetailing nicely with Rising Heroes.

 

Don't you just love it when certain things come together so nicely?

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11 hours ago, annyshay said:

Anybody else feel like 2018 is flying already? I can't believe we're almost to double digits...

I was actually feeling it was going a bit slower than last year, until you reminded me that it is double digits already... But I still feel like I have time to do the things I need to get done still.

That sounds like a great programme!

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On 1/10/2018 at 1:44 PM, Mad Hatter said:

Oh yeah.

 

14 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

I was actually feeling it was going a bit slower than last year, until you reminded me that it is double digits already... But I still feel like I have time to do the things I need to get done still.

That sounds like a great programme!

Hehe. That's true. I'm getting what I need to get done done, but I feel like it was just Christmas!

 

20 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

You are awesome! That class sounds very helpful.  Love the mantra of I'll do what I can when I can to take care of my mind and body.

I should probably put it in my signature... actually...

 

19 hours ago, Wolfen said:

 

It sounds amazing. Keep us posted. Glad you're doing well.

 

 

Don't you just love it when certain things come together so nicely?

 

18 hours ago, CallunaTook said:

That sounds great! Interesting program. Good luck.

 

Yes! Helpful programs are helpful. ;)

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1/11/2018

Walk - took a few walks to/from various hospitals in the softly falling snow :)

Write - 19 day streak, already over a thousand words and finished my clinic notes from yesterday

Weave - offered to be available to a friend to debrief after an important meeting

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Woke up a bit earlier than my alarm, so I had time to do my workout before my shower.

 

SIO Bootcamp - Week 2 Strength

Mantra = "I choose change"

Warm Up (soldier kicks, side lunges, hugs, arm circles, butt kicks)

Circuit 

- 10 wide BW squats

- 10 bird dog crunches per side

- 10 split squats per side (this is a sneaky name for lunges... which I don't love)

- 10 bent over rows (5 lbs per arm)

- 15 jumping jacks

Rest, repeat once.

Stretching (hamstring, hip flexor, butterfly, glutes, shoulders straight behind back, shoulders on a doorway)

 

I also did a bunch of deep squatting in between things when websites were loading. Drank a 750mL of water, about. Good. Stuff. Yo. I wanted to do some cold shower time because my body was making so much heat. I choose change!!!

 

Now it's off to therapy and clinic. Happy Friday, all!

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1/12/2018

Walk - walked to and from various health care buildings... in the -10 deg F morning weather and the balmy 4 deg F afternoon weather

Write - 20 day streak, not my wordiest day but consistent!

Weave - therapy, chats with friends through text, and got to meet my attending's husband after clinic

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1/13/2018

Walk - ventured into the cold to get groceries

Write - 21 day streak - woooot that's three weeks of writing every day, I've written over 4500 words already and it's not even noon yet, much journaling AND I finished all my clinic notes from yesterday... basically, I'm on fire :D

Weave - sent one of my besties a love letter on facebook disguised as HP joke

 

My night - BBQ pork ribs, baked sweet potato, kitteh snuggles, and Stranger Things 2

 

stranger-things-2.png

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