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annyshay

Annyshay's Intentions Wrought with Ws

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16 hours ago, annyshay said:

Yes. But what book?!?! So many possibilities...

No way am I able to help! I struggle to choose between books myself :D

On 1/19/2018 at 3:47 PM, annyshay said:

I am so scared you guys. If I leave, I lose everything I dreamed. If I can last 1.5 years more... I might get through. I keep telling myself it will get better if... but I don't know any more.

 

55 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I’m pretty sure your dreams didn’t include panic attacks and getting treated like crap. This is more than a dream at stake, this is your life and your health.

Sorry, some how I missed this. What M.H. is saying! I don't think you'll totally loose your dream, but 1.5yrs more of this nonsense! Honey, you'll go stark crazy or loose yourself, especially if there is now light of change shining at all in the foreseeable future. You said you spoke to the new lady, and tried to make her understand how serious the situation is. What are the chances of her affecting any change in the near future? Maybe 6months? Giving you time to see what happens where you currently are, but also time to actively look for other opportunities or fields of change?

55 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I don’t want to steer you in any direction, but I do want to point out that there will always be more opportunities. They might look different from now, and sure it’d be scary, but you have so many skills and so much to offer you won’t struggle to find something that inspires you. 

What other opportunities are there to start with? And then just reiterate what M.H. said: the opportunities might look different, start out different, but eventually can lead to other paths and opportunities. Something that can happen soon on a safer (health and mental levels), more calm, flat footing. And again, you are SO, SO, SO talented.

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Seconding Hatter and Elize in that it could be a good idea to open your eyes extra wide for alternatives, though I guess you are already doing that.

How was your weekend? Did you get to unwind somewhat?

 

Here's to a fresh new week of possible miracles 

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I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. :-\   It's not fair.  I hope it all gets worked out. I wish I had something helpful to say. 

 

Spoiler

Look!  I did the spoiler thing you taught me!  

 

Science Friday has done a couple of pieces on the challenges women face in science, specifically tied to the extra challenge of harassment from (usually) male superiors and advisors who have so much power over their careers. You can listen to them online if you like; one of them is here: https://www.sciencefriday.com/segments/how-sexual-harassment-and-bias-undermine-womens-access-to-scientific-careers-2/    I have no idea if it will help or not but apparently, it's not just you. It's a big problem. I think I remember hearing on one of those pieces that there is some sort of nonprofit legal fund for women in this circumstance. Which hopefully you won't need - but if you do - I think it exists, although I don't remember for sure exactly where I heard about it or what the name of it was. 

 

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1/21/2018

Walk - yup, to and from the grocery store

Write - 29 day streak, so close!

Weave - caught up with friends at church then did the group call for SIO Bootcamp at noon time, which was emotional and awesome as per usual... I got offered a bunch of hugs. Love those ladies!

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Thanks for the support ladies. I may look into those podcasts later, @CallunaTook but sadly I am well aware this garbage is rampant.

 

I hear you all about looking elsewhere, but I have this feeling that running isn't the answer. I'm actually trying not to focus on it too much at the moment because it sends me back into a panic spiral. Also, you should know that if you talk about it any more I will probably go straight into rebellious child mode. Hehe. So, I hear you. I'm thinking about it all the damn time, believe me. I'm working through the possibilities with my therapist and my coach and such. I hope this helps make what I need in the moment clearer and doesn't come off as obnoxious? I'm still working on this boundaries thing, yo.

 

My therapist and I are meeting later this morning. I talked to her on Friday and she basically told me to be super chill all weekend and we would start teasing stuff apart soon. Of course, that means that today dawned with me expecting that I will sort everything out, have a plan, and be ready to do it without hesitation at the end of the day... what Brain? Seriously, do you even know what chill means?! And by the way, I have a bunch of important research meetings tomorrow morning, so I also feel like I should be able to get all sorts of work done today despite the time that my emotions are still tender. Maybe typing out these ridiculous expectations will get them out of my brain? Here's hoping.

 

Anyway, prayers, chill, and good vibes appreciated.

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15 hours ago, annyshay said:

I'm working through the possibilities with my therapist and my coach and such. I hope this helps make what I need in the moment clearer and doesn't come off as obnoxious? I'm still working on this boundaries thing, yo.

Good that you can discuss it there too, I wasn't sure whether you could or would, w.r.t. possible other options or staying, or such. I for one see this as clean communication, because I don't always know exactly what is going on, so don't know the ins and outs, and you talking clearly about what you actually need, helps me to understand and then give that to you :P;)

I prayed for you this morning, for clarity, grace to face each day, strength to carry you through and more Gryffendarling ROAR-power to roar and move on.

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1/22/2018

Walk - went on a walk through the blizzard to get doughnuts ;)

Write - 30 DAY STREAK! Wrote over 5K words also. 

- bought myself Daring Greatly by Brene Brown which will arrive tomorrow (yay loot!)

Weave - hoh buddy, therapy was a doozy... not sure I'm ready to share

 

16 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

I for one see this as clean communication

Good to know. It's always hard without non-verbal communication.

 

16 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

I prayed for you this morning, for clarity, grace to face each day, strength to carry you through and more Gryffendarling ROAR-power to roar and move on.

Thanks for ALL of this.

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1/23/2018

Walk - it was more like pretending to be a penguin due to the sheets of ice, but yes

Write - today will be day 31

Weave - had a few very successful research meetings and put plans in the works to apply for a new source of funding

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3 minutes ago, Leigh said:

Damn! I was just a little too late to recommend a good book. If you reward yourself again I cannot recommend this book enough: The Gargoyle

 

It is one of my favourite books ever.

Book recommendations are ALWAYS welcome here. They may get lost in the LONG to read list, but they're more than welcome. :) The blurbs sound fascinating for that one.

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1/24/2018

Walk - maybe? sort of? I dug my car out of snow so I feel like that should count.

Write - 32 day streak, over 3K words already and more to come

Weave - chatted with fellows at our core curriculum this afternoon

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Defin

5 minutes ago, annyshay said:

1/24/2018

Walk - maybe? sort of? I dug my car out of snow so I feel like that should count.

Write - 32 day streak, over 3K words already and more to come

Weave - chatted with fellows at our core curriculum this afternoon

Definitely counts. As does the penguin walk yesterday:)

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I've been away from your thread for a long time and am not 100% familiar with what all you're facing, @annyshay, but I do see that your work environment is toxic right now and it's interfering with your loftier goals and dreams and reasons for being in this field ... so I'm sending all the hugs your way. Medicine is a beautiful and noble calling, but sometimes I think that its massively demanding environment also brings out a lot of ugliness in people. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this and that it's making it hard for you to come to work at the job you love.

 

I pray that God would make your next steps very clear to you (whether that be to stay and look for ways to improve it, or to go, as others have offered), and that He would shield you from some of the worst ugliness so your spirit can get some rest.

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10 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

massively demanding environment also brings out a lot of ugliness in people

^^^ This.

 

10 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

I pray that God would make your next steps very clear to you (whether that be to stay and look for ways to improve it, or to go, as others have offered), and that He would shield you from some of the worst ugliness so your spirit can get some rest.

Thank you so much for your kind prayer. *hugs*

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23 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

I pray that God would make your next steps very clear to you (whether that be to stay and look for ways to improve it, or to go, as others have offered), and that He would shield you from some of the worst ugliness so your spirit can get some rest.

Almost word for word what I prayed this morning.

Sending you hugs and much love :love_heart: Just so you know that I'm thinking of you every day, even when I can't always pop in.

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1/25/2018

Walk - can't remember :P

Write - 33 days, baby!

Weave - survive my work conference and manage to express a few things that could have been contentious

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5 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

Almost word for word what I prayed this morning.

Sending you hugs and much love :love_heart: Just so you know that I'm thinking of you every day, even when I can't always pop in.

You two must be on to something. ;) Thanks, love!

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1/26/2018

Walk - yup, it was so much warmer so many errands happened, peppered with short walks

Write - 34 day streeeeeeak, wrote over 3000 words, this goal is in a good groove

Weave - text check ins with two friends

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1/27/2018

Walk - went on 1.4 mile walk down to the lake and back, there was a guy paraglide-skiing. There's probably a fancier word for that. Plus a bunch of cross country skiers on the lake. Lots of people out walking and jogging too. The temp goes about freezing and the Minnesotans are all out and soaking up the outdoors. I love it.

Write - 35 day streak, over three thousand words, cause I'm awesome

Weave - had a pretty lovely introvert day with a few online and text volleys with friends, gave lots of attention to the Dragon

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1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Are you still going barefoot everyday?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

No, just intermittently. I'm only 85% crazy. I actually went in the snow for a bit (like a minute) barefoot two days ago. :) 

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1/28/2018

Walk - some small walks outdoors to church and the grocery store

Write - 36 day streak, many words, many battles ;)

Weave - supported a friend online who was feeling under the weather 

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17 hours ago, annyshay said:

paraglide-skiing. There's probably a fancier word for that.

Was it a paraglider or a kite? He could've been snow kiting.

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7 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Was it a paraglider or a kite? He could've been snow kiting.

I think you're right. It looks like the images for snow kiting on the googles. ;)

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