[Mad Hatter] Many shiny, such log!

[Mad Hatter]

10 hours ago, @mu said:

yes indeed! I have no idea about climbing, so I'm not sure it is the same but it has typically happened to me with deadlifts when weights were getting closer to my 1RPM. I have had  "neurological blocks", wanting to lift quite badly but my brain would just blank out and not send the information to the muscles somehow. It is a very weird feeling.

Yep, that happens in climbing too. It's super weird. How did you overcome those blocks?

 

10 hours ago, @mu said:

  so you are starting to get in the habit of waking up a bit earlier? I used to train in the afternoons / evenings. But it was getting difficult (work+commute = too tired). It took me a while to get used to train in the morning. At first I always had the annoying feeling to have to rush to make sure I leave in time for work - still have it a bit. But it has advantages. It definitely wakes me up and I feel more bouncy during the day

I'm tryyyying to, but I keep messing up my sleep pattern. But I loved my morning pole classes, last year for example, I felt so good afterwards! Training at home is always a bit harder, it takes me a while to get going. Especially when I know there's warms and books and tea in bed.  But it's still more likely that I'll train in the morning than in the evening, unless I'm going to the climbing gym so that's why I want to switch things up.

 

[Twilight]

What we need is a time capsule for sleep; stay up as long as we want, and then sleep as long as we want because it's in a time bubble so we can sleep for 12 hours but in the real world no time has passed at all. Perfect!

[@mu]

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Yep, that happens in climbing too. It's super weird. How did you overcome those blocks?

 

By taking the weights down a little bit, not much, just a bit below the scary number. And I went back to it the following deadlift session. They rarely happened more than twice in a row.

And once I managed by walking straight to the gym, listening to  "I'm so mean that I make medicine sick" in a loop (whatever works for you hey ), quick warmup, not thinking about anything, following habits, sort of like an automaton, or you could say a powerful meditative state, as you wish , I put the full weights on, still not thinking about it and bam, bam, bam. Then it was so bloody exhilarating.

 

3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Training at home is always a bit harder, it takes me a while to get going.

 

Yes me too. A bit more coffee, reading news....answering e-mails.... and then it's too late, I have to go to work....

 

Now I have built up a routine: coffee, light breakfast, mail check but no answering, getting dressed, writing down the time on my training log (then I feel that I can't rewrite my starting time every 5 minutes...it's written you have to start now), and I do my trigger move, shoulder rotations.
I know you should start by warming up the bigger muscles first and then the smaller ones, but shoulder rotations totally get me started. It completely wakes me up for a start. Get me focused as well. Brain starts wondering if next rotation should be forward or backward and how many I have done so far. By then, I'm in.
Usually these days I get on just fine, but every so often,  the start of the day feels a bit "meh", then the power of habit really helps.

 

[WhiteGhost]

12 hours ago, Twilight said:

What we need is a time capsule for sleep;

I desperately need one of these!

[Mad Hatter]

18 hours ago, Twilight said:

What we need is a time capsule for sleep; stay up as long as we want, and then sleep as long as we want because it's in a time bubble so we can sleep for 12 hours but in the real world no time has passed at all. Perfect!

 

6 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I desperately need one of these!

Me too!
 

16 hours ago, @mu said:

And once I managed by walking straight to the gym, listening to  "I'm so mean that I make medicine sick" in a loop (whatever works for you hey ), quick warmup, not thinking about anything, following habits, sort of like an automaton, or you could say a powerful meditative state, as you wish , I put the full weights on, still not thinking about it and bam, bam, bam. Then it was so bloody exhilarating.

 

Brains are weird. 

 

16 hours ago, @mu said:

Yes me too. A bit more coffee, reading news....answering e-mails.... and then it's too late, I have to go to work....

Hmm that doesn't sound familiar at all...  

 

I like your idea of a trigger move. Maybe I can try just doing my generic warm up in the mornings and if I feel like it I can continue doing whatever. Though that still requires me to get my ass out of bed in the first place, which is proving to be soooo hard right now.  

[raptron]

The good is SO GOOD in your update though.

 

What messes up your sleep pattern? Just getting down the rabbit hole on things during the week? 

[Mad Hatter]

1 hour ago, raptron said:

The good is SO GOOD in your update though.

While it lasted...

 

1 hour ago, raptron said:

What messes up your sleep pattern? Just getting down the rabbit hole on things during the week? 

Basically I'm pooped after work, come home and flop and do nothing, but when I'm supposed to go to bed I'm not tired anymore  because I've been effectively resting all afternoon/evening. The next day I might compensate by getting to bed early but then I sleep for too long instead, and then again I'm tired during the day but can't sleep at bedtime. Plus small random things, like I'm too cold or too hungry, or I'm too hyped from late training or it's too light and I wake up too early, things that are not usually a problem but they keep throwing me off lately...

[Mad Hatter]

STUPID BRAIN IS STUPID. Y U SABOTAGING EVERYTHING?!!!!

 

Aaaall the shit feelings came back during today's climbing session - I was nervous, I was freaking out, my body wasn't cooperating and basically I had a near complete meltdown. I was at the gym less than an hour before giving up, my brain was completely out of control. Stupid.

[@mu]

 

 

7 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

STUPID BRAIN IS STUPID. Y U SABOTAGING EVERYTHING?!!!!

 

Aaaall the shit feelings came back during today's climbing session - I was nervous, I was freaking out, my body wasn't cooperating and basically I had a near complete meltdown. I was at the gym less than an hour before giving up, my brain was completely out of control. Stupid.

 

Do you know what freaked you out exactly? is it something very specific or a general feeling?

Were you alone or in a group?

 

I have had periods of deep fear with aerial. There were different from the feeling of blanking out on deadlifts. Maybe because deadlifts are on the floor, and the only thing I have to be sure of is that my back can take the weight. But aerial is different. Doubt is a killer when you are high up and all a sudden you start wondering if your grip will hold that move (ok there is a crash mat, but it is still a fall!). Even for the simplest things, doubt can become completely overwhelming.

Maybe you need to find an alternative strategy for those moments. Something you can do with confidence, focus on doing it even better?

 

The second thing is that you're really tough on yourself. I mean this is not about being lazy or simply not being able to, because you know you can, you have done it. There is something else at play. If you beat yourself up, you are re-enforcing the negative aspect of it and making it even a bigger thing. With fear / nervousness, this is a vicious circle.  The shitty feelings will pass if you don't let them have a grip on you (sorry for the bad pun).

 

Sometimes it happens after progress or an achievement oddly enough. I remember when we performed on the 8-meter silks (which we didn't have access to for training, just for rehearsal...), I managed and I was really happy, but it totally freaked my brain out for a while after that, even on the smaller ones. 

Another time, I fell on a simple move. I made a mistake. I'm still afraid of that move. I didn't hurt myself, I managed to do it again after the fall. But I still fear the fear so to speak.

 

[WhiteGhost]

11 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

STUPID BRAIN IS STUPID. Y U SABOTAGING EVERYTHING?!!!!

 

Aaaall the shit feelings came back during today's climbing session - I was nervous, I was freaking out, my body wasn't cooperating and basically I had a near complete meltdown. I was at the gym less than an hour before giving up, my brain was completely out of control. Stupid.

Aw man, that sucks  Hopefully you can go back and nail it next time

 

Show that stupid brain who's boss!

[Twilight]

That sounds really frustrating. I'm sorry you're feeling like that.

[Echoceanic]

12 hours ago, @mu said:

The second thing is that you're really tough on yourself. I mean this is not about being lazy or simply not being able to, because you know you can, you have done it. There is something else at play. If you beat yourself up, you are re-enforcing the negative aspect of it and making it even a bigger thing. With fear / nervousness, this is a vicious circle.  The shitty feelings will pass if you don't let them have a grip on you (sorry for the bad pun).

 

I feel like I need to frame this paragraph. 

[Mad Hatter]

9 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Aw man, that sucks  Hopefully you can go back and nail it next time

 

Show that stupid brain who's boss!

 

2 hours ago, Twilight said:

That sounds really frustrating. I'm sorry you're feeling like that.

Thanks guys!

 

41 minutes ago, Echocheanic said:

I feel like I need to frame this paragraph. 

Me too.

 

13 hours ago, @mu said:

Do you know what freaked you out exactly? is it something very specific or a general feeling?

Were you alone or in a group?

I was with the regular crowd. I've no idea what caused it, but now when I've thought about it more rationally I think it was a combination of little things.

• I had the teeniest amount of sensation in the place where I got injured the day after the previous climbing session, it wasn't even close to pain but it was enough to act as a reminder
• I felt emotionally weird during the day, I was sort of spacing out during lunch and I had to take long breaks in the afternoon because my head was just not with it. 
• I didn't eat enough, I only had a token breakfast and lunch was accidentally low carb/calorie. I did have snacks just before climbing but I need more throughout the day.
• During my warmup my elbow (the one I crunched a bit) felt a little sore, my shoulders felt a little unstable when I did side planks with shoulder rotations and generally I felt quite stiff.
• I find that particular gym a bit stressful, there's a lot of people and it's not designed very well so you constantly have to watch your back for other climbers
• Too much pressure on myself, I've been progressing so fast lately and clearly we can't have that so my brain decided to bring me back to earth. I have two 6c projects that logically feel like they might be within reach, but then my brain goes pfffft now that's just silly talk. I mean who the hell am I kidding, I can't even climb 6a's. And then I couldn't climb 6a's.

I did try and do easy climbs that I've done before, but when I couldn't even do those or they felt difficult I just got more upset. One thing that I think would be good for me is to repeat more climbs so I have more to climb on my off days. When I have an off day everything looks too hard, and before getting on any climb I question whether the time I did succeed was just a fluke, but if I know I've climbed it 2-3 times then chances are quite high I'll be able to do it again. Other than that I don't know what to do. It's ridiculous, my logic brain simply shuts down and it feels like there's nothing I can do.

 

I'm beginning to feel better about the situation now though and hopefully I'll be able to climb tomorrow.  The thought of even trying my project still fills me with anxiety and sense of impossibility but we'll see. No pressure, just climbing. I hope.

[raptron]

20 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I'm beginning to feel better about the situation now though and hopefully I'll be able to climb tomorrow.  The thought of even trying my project still fills me with anxiety and sense of impossibility but we'll see. No pressure, just climbing. I hope.

I think you have some really good reflection up there about why the freakout might have happened. NO PRESSURE, JUST CLIMBING is a good mantra to take with you tomorrow. Your expectations seem to have a way of coming back and really hurting you so having an expectation free focused day will be really good, I think. Maybe do the repeaters or some conditioning type work or stretching fun if the problems aren't happening for you. 

 

[@mu]

10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I was with the regular crowd. I've no idea what caused it, but now when I've thought about it more rationally I think it was a combination of little things.

 

Indeed and quite a combination!

 

10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

 I question whether the time I did succeed was just a fluke

 

And how about this: the time you did NOT succeed was ALSO just a fluke. The reality might be somewhere in the middle. I don't know, a bit like handstand? That one long hold might just be a fluke at first, then it comes more consistently. And then one day, despite a newly acquired consistency, you bum the whole session. Bloody frustrating! But it's just a local event, not the trend (unless you stop there because you are not allowing yourself to fail some).
 

 

10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

No pressure, just climbing. I hope.

 

Yes! Enjoy!

 

[@mu]

11 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

It's ridiculous, my logic brain simply shuts down and it feels like there's nothing I can do.

 

I wanted to add also: you are not alone in this. I don't know anybody training for a good amount of time who hasn't had days like this, of just feeling utter crap, and not being able to get through practice because of self-doubt.

[Mad Hatter]

13 hours ago, raptron said:

Your expectations seem to have a way of coming back and really hurting

Heh yeah this is not exactly the first time this happened... One would think I'd figured it by now, but nope, not even close.  

 

2 hours ago, @mu said:

And how about this: the time you did NOT succeed was ALSO just a fluke. The reality might be somewhere in the middle. I don't know, a bit like handstand? That one long hold might just be a fluke at first, then it comes more consistently. And then one day, despite a newly acquired consistency, you bum the whole session. Bloody frustrating! But it's just a local event, not the trend (unless you stop there because you are not allowing yourself to fail some).

Oh the famous middle ground. Nooo my brain doesn't go there.  It's all or nothing. If I'm on a good streak I expect to keep it up and if I'm on a bad streak everything's stupid and I'm the worst, it can't possibly be a fluke.  I'm getting better at understanding the bad now at least, but it doesn't help during the session. 

 

It's weird though, it's only with climbing that I get such big meltdowns. With handstands I get grumpy and do some conditioning and come back the next day, no big deal. I wonder why that is. Maybe because pretty everything with handstands feels impossible haha. Or it's just less noticeable because I don't do it as regularly and my session lengths is directly proportional to how good my day is.

 

2 hours ago, @mu said:

I wanted to add also: you are not alone in this. I don't know anybody training for a good amount of time who hasn't had days like this, of just feeling utter crap, and not being able to get through practice because of self-doubt.

Good reminder.  

[LouCarJo]

7 hours ago, @mu said:

 

I wanted to add also: you are not alone in this. I don't know anybody training for a good amount of time who hasn't had days like this, of just feeling utter crap, and not being able to get through practice because of self-doubt.

Definitely this, and this is also why I’m loath to respond as I think you’re way better than me at keeping your head in the right place and knowing how to move on when it goes awry.

 

So, what can I say?  Well, first that you’re doing great and have no objective reason to feel that way.  Of course you’re allowed to feel like that, I’m not saying that, just know you’re amazing and fabulous and your head’s playing tricks with you.

 

Also, your reasons all made sense to me.  Any of them, or the combination, would definitely put you in a less than good place.  Your point about having progressed so much recently jumped out to me in particular - you’ve pushed forward, now you’re just consolidating, maybe a little further back but that just means that your new easy and norm will be further forward in future.

 

Can you put in place a nice recovery day plan for tonight so you don’t continue to fret about it but do something that’ll be both enjoyable and welcomed by your body?

[Mike Wazowski]

Oh, I can so relate to your struggles - some days I'm just "off" with dance, and nothing goes quite right. Shrugging it off, especially right before a competition, is pretty tough.

[Mad Hatter]

7 hours ago, LouCarJo said:

So, what can I say?  Well, first that you’re doing great and have no objective reason to feel that way.  Of course you’re allowed to feel like that, I’m not saying that, just know you’re amazing and fabulous and your head’s playing tricks with you.

 

Also, your reasons all made sense to me.  Any of them, or the combination, would definitely put you in a less than good place.  Your point about having progressed so much recently jumped out to me in particular - you’ve pushed forward, now you’re just consolidating, maybe a little further back but that just means that your new easy and norm will be further forward in future.

 

Can you put in place a nice recovery day plan for tonight so you don’t continue to fret about it but do something that’ll be both enjoyable and welcomed by your body?

Thanks. Much appreciated!  

 

I do need one of those. That's not what I did today though.  

 

53 minutes ago, MikeWazowski said:

Oh, I can so relate to your struggles - some days I'm just "off" with dance, and nothing goes quite right. Shrugging it off, especially right before a competition, is pretty tough.

Oh yeah I imagine it being so much worse before a comp!

[Mad Hatter]

I woke up not feeling like death today! Yay!  It still took me forever to get out of bed, but I did spend some time foam rolling my legs and peanutting my shoulder and I feel much better for it. It's far from perfect but I'm glad I gave my muscles at least a little well needed love. 

 

I also felt generally a lot more positive and I actually looked forward to climbing!  I was still a little worried that it'd be a repeat of Tuesday, but I didn't really have any expectations. The only thing I did hope for was to at least get on my project once so it wouldn't grow into a monster in my head. But when we got there there were SOOOOO MANY PEOPLE, it was absolutely bonkers! I have no idea why but it felt like half of Helsinki was there. It really stressed me out so I tried to find a quieter corner, but the only place which was ever so slightly less packed had super old climbs which were ridiculously slippery and hard to climb. BUT I didn't freak out!  Even when I was trying the slippery scary stuff (and falling off said slippery scary stuff) I was fine. And my body was functioning and not seizing up.  (Ish. My elbow is still not very happy with me and I kept getting super weird cramps in both my elbows.) I managed all of one new climb, so it wasn't the greatest session from a physical achievement point of view, but I still call it a huge success in that my brain didn't have another meltdown!

[Mike Wazowski]

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

Oh yeah I imagine it being so much worse before a comp!

For. Sure.

 

Also, yay for headspace wins and giving muscles needed love!

[Twilight]

Yeeaah! You did it! Climb that wall!  

[RogueLibrarian]

On 1/25/2018 at 2:19 AM, Mad Hatter said:

Oh the famous middle ground. Nooo my brain doesn't go there.

 

Ohhhh yes I am familiar with this.

 

Heyyyy, buddy. I've been doing a terrible job of keeping up with friends' threads. I'm glad you didn't let one bad day kick your ass! You're awesome.

[Mad Hatter]

23 hours ago, MikeWazowski said:

For. Sure.

 

Also, yay for headspace wins and giving muscles needed love!

 

5 hours ago, Twilight said:

Yeeaah! You did it! Climb that wall!  

 

1 hour ago, RogueLibrarian said:

 

Ohhhh yes I am familiar with this.

 

Heyyyy, buddy. I've been doing a terrible job of keeping up with friends' threads. I'm glad you didn't let one bad day kick your ass! You're awesome.

 

Yaay thank you guys! You rock.