Diadhuit's time to regenerate

[Diadhuit]

 

2017 has been a great year, I switched to a more fun job, got my period back (I know, it doesn't feel always a good thing, but it's healthier), became godparent of a friend, had a summer love story, got the slimmest I have been in 8 years, got my medications reduced, been happy.

Basically I achieved my wildest dreams and now don't know what to desire next... I know, I should not complain... yet I feel something missing and I cried a lot in the last few days, and I feel all is already seen, and I don't know what I want for this challenge.

Then I saw the doctor Christmas special (spoiler free post, but references and a quote will be made) and I felt the struggles of letting go of a life full of adventures, even for making space for new adventures.

 

I'll start my challenge the 9th as I'll be back home after a whole f#cking month.

I will not 'earn points' for the keep it up tasks (kiu)

 

Laugh hard

Make a list of friends (1 laughing point, this is because when I'm down I think I have no friends, but I discovered that having a list makes me rely on more people without feeling a bother)

Meet friends at least once/w (meeting means irl, skype, email depending on where they are, max 4 laughing points)

Go to a comedy evening (1 laughing point, can cumulate with previous goal)

 

Max points: 6

Passing grade: 4

Loot: 6

 

run fast

Walk to work everyday / walk to mordor (kiu)

Physio exercises (kiu)

Daily dare (kind of kiu)

Pilates on thursday (kiu)

Start the zombie run c25k 2/w (ideally Mon and Fri-Sat, one running point each started training, if yellow weather warning or worse I can subtitute with a darebee workout)

To help this goal I'll kiu the food regimen I have (2.4+ water, 3+ vegetables, 10- sugars)

 

Max points: 8

Passing grade: 3

Loot: 5

 

be kind

Meditation dance on Wednesday (kiu)

Examen each day (kind of kiu)

Lectio on Sunday (kiu)

Do an act of kindness each day (1 kind point each)

No electronics after 10pm each day and in bed by 10.30pm each day (1 kind point each)

 

Aww brilliant!

Now I have to redescover what I want

Write down 150 wishes (not expecting to be finished in this challenge, 1 brilliant point each, counting the ones I already have, no duplicates)

Be open to the unexpected (anyone has ideas on how to make this measurable?)

 

Max points: 150

Passing grade: 75

Loot: 100

 

[zeroh13]

2 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Be open to the unexpected (anyone has ideas on how to make this measurable?)

That's a hard one. Maybe something like how many times you do something spontaneous?

 

Good luck!

[Diadhuit]

That's a hard one. Maybe something like how many times you do something spontaneous?
 
Good luck! [emoji4]

Thanx, but... how do I define spontaneous? How many times could be my goal?
Aaand I am down the rabbit hole of planning...

I think this would work as a diary thing? But I am shite at that too...

And I would like to notice the openess, even if nothing unexpected happen.

And I would like to ehance my openers, but don't have a clue how.

And...

Not really a S.M.A.R.T. goal... is it?

[Bean Sidhe]

I love your goals but the be open to the unexpected is going to be  a hard one. Could you see how many times someone offers you something outside your plan and then see how many times you take it?

Or how many times you go "I would love to do X" and then go do it?

 

I do love the idea of making a list of friends so you can remind yourself you have them when your feeling like you don't That may be something I do too since I get stuck in that spiral with the Troll Grog (Hes the troll in my head that says "no one likes you, they are just too nice to tell you to leave them alone")

Great challenge, I am looking forward to watching you rock it.

[Wobbegong]

I agree with Bean. I think you should redefine the goal itself to make it possible to make it SMART. Basically, ask yourself what's the purpose of being more spontaneous. It sounds like you already have a bunch of social goals in your Laugh Hard objective, but does being spontaneous tie into those? Are you trying to say yes more often to social invitations? To be more open-minded? To try new things? To challenge your comfort zone? Being spontaneous covers too wide a range of potential things, and that's not necessarily a problem -- you can include as many as you want under that heading. But it would help if you knew what qualified as spontaneity. Then make each of those things into SMART goals. 

 

For example:

• Say yes more often to social invitations --> If you don't have a starting point, make it a proportion. Say yes to greater than 50% of invitations and follow through. 
• Be more open-minded --> Read internet articles about social justice. Go to events targeted at people outside your usual groups. Find someone who has different political or religious views than you and have a conversation with them.  
• Try new things --> Make a list of things you want to try and haven't, research ways to do them, and do a couple. 
• Challenge your comfort zone --> Figure out the boundaries of your comfort zone, identify some things outside it, and do them. Record how it goes. Do it again. Did it get easier or harder? Watch your comfort zone expand. 

This is just a small selection of things that you might or might not consider "being spontaneous." What does being spontaneous mean to you, and how can you break that into actionable goals? 

 

Good luck and let us know what you come up with! 

[Diadhuit]

@Bean Sidhe, @Wobbegong,@zeroh13 thanx for the suggestions, it is a good way to clarify what I want from that goal.
I think when I say 'open to the unexpected' means many different things, but the one that I want to focus on in this challenge is that I am too much of a planner (some of you already noticed how organised some of my previous challenges are) and I wish to be following life where it gets me. It's not spontaneity, but not been smashed down if my plan doesn't work (either in good or bad). Now for that is not reachable in one challenge, but I need to do first steps in that direction. And there is where my organisation stops me because it's impossible to plan lack/change of plan...

[Bean Sidhe]

7 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

@Bean Sidhe, @Wobbegong,@zeroh13 thanx for the suggestions, it is a good way to clarify what I want from that goal.
I think when I say 'open to the unexpected' means many different things, but the one that I want to focus on in this challenge is that I am too much of a planner (some of you already noticed how organised some of my previous challenges are) and I wish to be following life where it gets me. It's not spontaneity, but not been smashed down if my plan doesn't work (either in good or bad). Now for that is not reachable in one challenge, but I need to do first steps in that direction. And there is where my organisation stops me because it's impossible to plan lack/change of plan...

 

This I totally understand. I can be a bit of a planner to a fault as well. Sometimes it would be nice to see where life would take me.  I have had a couple people give me a hard time saying "Lord help you if you mess up Bean's plans" but in my case, that was in order to work on other things with the Agents. Now we are doing a bit more, changes of plans on purpose and as an oops to kinda work on that with Eldest (He has never taken to changes in the plan well).

I would say maybe this challenge track "number of times with the option to go off plan" and "number of times I went with off plan option"  Then you can see how often you do it now, then try in the next challenge to up that ratio/% by one or 2 times, and repeat.

[Diadhuit]

 

 

 

 

This I totally understand. I can be a bit of a planner to a fault as well. Sometimes it would be nice to see where life would take me.  I have had a couple people give me a hard time saying "Lord help you if you mess up Bean's plans" but in my case, that was in order to work on other things with the Agents. Now we are doing a bit more, changes of plans on purpose and as an oops to kinda work on that with Eldest (He has never taken to changes in the plan well).

 

I would say maybe this challenge track "number of times with the option to go off plan" and "number of times I went with off plan option"  Then you can see how often you do it now, then try in the next challenge to up that ratio/% by one or 2 times, and repeat.

 

I love this way! I might apply it looking back at the day though.

For zero week I had no choice but to go off plan, got gastroenteritis back [emoji20]

No walk, no laugh, no kindness, just bellyache, bad mood and bad thoughts.

Yesterday meditation helped, but still work to do.

At least with it I am losing (water) weight?!? this is the only highlight of the day, so I'm taking it

[Bean Sidhe]

2 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

I love this way! I might apply it looking back at the day though.

For zero week I had no choice but to go off plan, got gastroenteritis back

No walk, no laugh, no kindness, just bellyache, bad mood and bad thoughts.

Yesterday meditation helped, but still work to do.

At least with it I am losing (water) weight?!? this is the only highlight of the day, so I'm taking it

 

I am glad I could help. I really think that sometimes it does take someone standing outside to go "Does this work?"

I am sorry your not feeling great. Hopefully you feel better soon. and take the wins where you can.

 

[Diadhuit]

Ok, so today is the start of the challenge!
Yesterday I came back and realised I won't go for a run after work as it will be dark. So I am setting for a start of 1 run per week (aiming for 2) and maybe the carbon and dust training of darebee.
Wish me luck!

[Bean Sidhe]

Glad to hear you made it home. Good luck on the challenge. Looking forward to seeing how it goes.

And I get the running in the dark thing. I would probabaly  do the same. I think your set up well to start.

[Wobbegong]

12 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Ok, so today is the start of the challenge!
Yesterday I came back and realised I won't go for a run after work as it will be dark. So I am setting for a start of 1 run per week (aiming for 2) and maybe the carbon and dust training of darebee.
Wish me luck!

Good luck! 

 

I would never run after work whether it's dark or not. I'm always so impressed by people who have the energy to go work out after working all day. (These people usually tell me I am equally impressive for getting up at the crack of dawn to go running before anything else, so to each their own, I guess.) 

 

One run a week is a great place to start! If I recall correctly, you've been doing a lot of walking in your past challenges, haven't you? I know some of that was tied to jobs you've had and commuting, but it's definitely great to do a little light cardio on non-run days rather than just sitting around. I always get stiff if I don't follow up a run with at least a walk the next day. 

 

Everyone keeps mentioning darebee, maybe I should check it out... 

[Diadhuit]

Good luck! 
 
I would never run after work whether it's dark or not. I'm always so impressed by people who have the energy to go work out after working all day. (These people usually tell me I am equally impressive for getting up at the crack of dawn to go running before anything else, so to each their own, I guess.) 
 
One run a week is a great place to start! If I recall correctly, you've been doing a lot of walking in your past challenges, haven't you? I know some of that was tied to jobs you've had and commuting, but it's definitely great to do a little light cardio on non-run days rather than just sitting around. I always get stiff if I don't follow up a run with at least a walk the next day. 
 
Everyone keeps mentioning darebee, maybe I should check it out... 

Waking up at dawn?!? Here in winter would mean 8.30... I could do that
I am impressed by anyone that wakes up before 7 O_O

I do commute by walking, that makes me walk a little bit short of 10km per day. Running after that could be... challenging

Darebee is such a great thing! It has workouts, challenges and more!
These are my favourite:
https://darebee.com/workouts/right-side-bed-workout.html
https://darebee.com/workouts/anywhere-abs-workout.html
https://darebee.com/workouts/sitting-fix-workout.html

And there are daily challenges https://darebee.com/daily-dares/
With also a pvp here on the forums

I love how it allows me to be active whereever I am (I do some of the abs workout at work when I go to the loo ) and it's so easy to do when you can't have a home gym!

[Wobbegong]

8 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Waking up at dawn?!? Here in winter would mean 8.30... I could do that
I am impressed by anyone that wakes up before 7 O_O

This time of year around here dawn is about 7, so I get up at 6:30 to get ready and out to the trail a little before sunrise. Of course, it's getting earlier and earlier as we head towards summer... I'm not sure I'll be able to manage 5:30 dawn in a couple of months  But we'll see. When I was a barista I used to wake up at 4 every morning to open the store at 4:30, so I know for a fact I can wake up anytime if I really feel motivated. 

 

8 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Darebee is such a great thing! It has workouts, challenges and more!
These are my favourite:
https://darebee.com/workouts/right-side-bed-workout.html
https://darebee.com/workouts/anywhere-abs-workout.html
https://darebee.com/workouts/sitting-fix-workout.html

And there are daily challenges https://darebee.com/daily-dares/

With also a pvp here on the forums

 

I love how it allows me to be active whereever I am (I do some of the abs workout at work when I go to the loo  ) and it's so easy to do when you can't have a home gym!

Thanks for the links! Sounds great. Working out while on the toilet sounds like a genius way to multi-task, and equipment-free workouts are definitely my jam. 

[Diadhuit]

Quick update to say things are going on, struggling a bit with a bit too many things, got a run on Wed as my dance classes are cancelled until end of Jan.
Running was tough but good. Running in the park, in the dark, listening to zombie!run was... scary! I started thinking that I have no documents if something happens to me... I was afraid of falling as it was wet and uneven. But I made it!
There were so many other runners that would suddenly pop out of the dark like fast zombies!
And yesterday I had Pilates. I felt dizzy and in the evening I ate a lot to recover energies... Just not too much sugar, but a bit.
I need to talk to the GP about dizziness, it comes too often, they reduced my blood pressure pill and helped, but maybe it's nearly time to take it out completely? I need to loose another 3-4kg first...
Oh and yesterday I was meditating in bed and felt the whole body being shaken, like vertigo... laying vertigo? Is that a thing?

[Siferiax]

Hello friend.

Just popping in here to see who you are / what you're doing / how you're doing

 

I see Zombie!Run! Hooray!

I did that with walking when I was alone. I haven't played in forever as I walk with my BF now. 

BUT I know it's a lot of fun

So go you, but be safe in the dark

 

Sorry you're feeling dizzy

I often feel dizzy myself, so I know it sucks.

Usually mine is caused with problems of the ear variety. 

Everything so plugged up from a cold that it makes my ears stand under pressure and it makes me dizzy.

Or just my ears themselves infecting and going banana's  

Hopefully the doctor can help you out with your individual problems.

 

Don't know anything about shaking when laying down?!

I only have this mental spinning feeling sometimes.

[fleaball]

I haven't felt like my body was shaking before, but I've also felt like I was spinning on occasion. I've also felt like I was on a boat, which is weird too.

[Diadhuit]

I haven't felt like my body was shaking before, but I've also felt like I was spinning on occasion. I've also felt like I was on a boat, which is weird too.

The boat thing is the most similar to what I experienced... I described as shaking but it's more accurate to say like when you are on a plane tail in a high lateral wind that moves you left and right... ok I hope it makes sense without scaring anyone

[Diadhuit]

Week 1 (9-13 Jan)

 

Laugh hard

Make a list of friends (1 laughing point, this is because when I'm down I think I have no friends, but I discovered that having a list makes me rely on more people without feeling a bother)

Meet friends at least once/w (meeting means irl, skype, email depending on where they are, max 4 laughing points)

Go to a comedy evening (1 laughing point, can cumulate with previous goal)

 

Laughing hard points:  +1 (visiting the National Gallery tomorrow with two former colleagues)

 

 

I started the list of friends, but won't earn the point until challenge is finished as I am still adding people. Questions that arose: what is a friend? People that I would have coffee with but won't meet outside work count? People I share a deep bond with, but I won't invite for coffee count? Family counts? My flatmate? Also... it made strong feelings re-emerge, with people I really felt close to that I am not in touch with for months or years... I would like to call them friends, but maybe I have to recognise they are not. There are also people I would like to be friend with, but at the moment are more acquaintances, and my ex that I would like to have a friendship with, but ruined my chances going for a romantic thing that ended well but he finds awkward to have a friendship (ah, young people!). So a bit of a roller-coaster of a week considering it's the first one back in Dublin after a month living with my family and that brings another emotional baggage too.

 

run fast

Walk to work everyday / walk to mordor (kiu)

Physio exercises (kiu)

Daily dare (kind of kiu)

Pilates on thursday (kiu)

Start the zombie run c25k 2/w (ideally Mon and Fri-Sat, one running point each started training, if yellow weather warning or worse I can subtitute with a darebee workout)

To help this goal I'll kiu the food regimen I have (2.4+ water, 3+ vegetables, 10- sugars)

 

Run fast points: +2 (Run on Wed and today)

 

Going strong with walk, daily dare, pilates, allright with physio, food. Got my physical at work and found that I'm overall healthy but stressed and maybe in need of counselling! I took the news quite bad and got a very sugary dinner...  I also got good news (as my manager suggesting me that I could get his position quite quickly if I wanted to, implying that I passed probation) but obviously I focus on the only bad one... and is it bad? I found that my company offers telephone counselling for free so if I have issues ( she didn't do a diagnosis, just referred me to someone) I should be glad that I am not coping on my own, but has been noticed and something can be done! It reminded me of when I broke my leg. I went to the emergency trying telling doctors I had a bad sprain, and then when they told me x-rays showed a bad fracture I nearly started crying. I should have been glad that finding that it was the start of curing my pain, but I was upset by the fact that I was sick. Yes, I am crazy :/

 

 

 

 

be kind

Meditation dance on Wednesday (kiu)

Examen each day (kind of kiu)

Lectio on Sunday (kiu)

Do an act of kindness each day (1 kind point each, counting at the end of the day)

No electronics after 10pm each day and in bed by 10.30pm each day (1 kind point each)

 

Kindness points: +7 (evening routine)

 

No meditation dance classes this week and next, so I'm running on Wednesday and doing body scan meditation instead. Examen is going ok, no acts of kindness yet (not even toward myself), but going strong on no electronics!!

 

Aww brilliant!

Now I have to redescover what I want

Write down 150 wishes (not expecting to be finished in this challenge, 1 brilliant point each, counting the ones I already have, no duplicates)

Be open to the unexpected

 

Brilliant points: +21 (wishes) +5 (unexpected)

 

I decided to track the unexpectedness and how am I open from 1 to 10. But I found out that I am tracking if I like or not what happens, not if I am open, also I track only the "bad" things, not the good unexpected things... Will need to review this goal again! Also, tracking distracts me during what else I'm doing (like work). I think I should do that again at the end of the day...

[Diadhuit]

Ok, I get a +1 laughing as I am writing while at a comedy gig. The second performer described himself as the missing link between Harry Potter and Hitler, but was so hilariously nerdy that had a sung routine about file formats

Now waiting for the worrier princess... that so resonates with me... so happy to have come already, even if being alone at comedy shows is... weird!

[Diadhuit]

Things are continuing, but I think I'm going to drop the two more confusing goals for now because tracking is a pain in the arse:
Being open to unexpected and doing an act of kindness. I am trying to integrate them in my day review, but not successful right now.
I am disappointed at myself for dropping, but keeping and ignoring have the same effect.
I also replaced the examen everyday with alternating examen and bodyscan, because they are similar (scan the day or the body) and both are done in connection with God.

On Sunday I had a breakthrough the bad feelings and now I am at a high. Won't bore ye all, but it's in relation to John 1,35-42 and 1Sam 1,3-10 and how each (Samuel, Andrew, Peter) had multiple occasion to follow God and it was not 'ok, you got your chance and failed, byyye!' and that they had one person telling them 'hey, look! That's what is important and good!'
I think I needed to hear that, especially in relation to counselling... I know it seems obvious, but it was not for me...

[Bean Sidhe]

6 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Things are continuing, but I think I'm going to drop the two more confusing goals for now because tracking is a pain in the arse:
Being open to unexpected and doing an act of kindness. I am trying to integrate them in my day review, but not successful right now.
I am disappointed at myself for dropping, but keeping and ignoring have the same effect.
I also replaced the examen everyday with alternating examen and bodyscan, because they are similar (scan the day or the body) and both are done in connection with God.

 

 

I think this is completely fine. Remember, part of this is to see what works, adn what doesn't. And if it doesn't work, then why continue to fight something that won't work and find a way that will. (Similar to Why run into this wall 40 times when there is a door 6 feet down the wall).

 

6 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

On Sunday I had a breakthrough the bad feelings and now I am at a high. Won't bore ye all, but it's in relation to John 1,35-42 and 1Sam 1,3-10 and how each (Samuel, Andrew, Peter) had multiple occasion to follow God and it was not 'ok, you got your chance and failed, byyye!' and that they had one person telling them 'hey, look! That's what is important and good!'
I think I needed to hear that, especially in relation to counselling... I know it seems obvious, but it was not for me...

 

I will be honest when I say, I am not sure what the scripture is, but I am glad its working for you. Sometimes its about finding that one thing that gives you the "ah Ha, that how it works" moments.

Glad your feeling better.

[Diadhuit]

 
I think this is completely fine. Remember, part of this is to see what works, adn what doesn't. And if it doesn't work, then why continue to fight something that won't work and find a way that will. (Similar to Why run into this wall 40 times when there is a door 6 feet down the wall).

Could anyone please show me the door? Yesterday I hit another wall: I let a colleague anger me saying 'When you will marry, your priorities will change'. WTF man! Do you realise that is not ok assume I want to marry just because you are? And what if 'we' won't want/ can't have children? What if I like my job enough and want to f#cking not stopping having a career?
I'm trying to breathe here, but the IT industry is fucked up! I have been through worse, but I just don't accept even a thing like this anymore.
If I remember correctly@Athaclena you have been through similar shit successfully, but how did you? I can't remember... I would appreciate any suggestion that isn't 'punch them in the balls' that is what I would love to do now.

[Bean Sidhe]

If you find the door, start screaming so I can find it too.

*Hugs* I am sorry that someone had a stupid leak. I have too many people that I know will refuse to have kids. Some have already taken permanent steps. That being said, Some people are just dumb adn refuse to believe that everyone doesn't want what they want or what they have. Thats kinda when I do the "Okay, your dumb. You can go now."

hopefully you haven't killed them yet.

[Athaclena]

On 1/19/2018 at 3:01 AM, Diadhuit said:

I'm trying to breathe here, but the IT industry is fucked up! I have been through worse, but I just don't accept even a thing like this anymore.
If I remember correctly@Athaclena you have been through similar shit successfully, but how did you? I can't remember... I would appreciate any suggestion that isn't 'punch them in the balls' that is what I would love to do now.

I'm behind on my email and just saw this mention.

 

I have learned to listen, smile and nod or just say "I guess we'll have to wait and see" and walk away.  It really is hard. I know. I do still sometimes let this stuff get to me, but I shake it off (eventually). There is still one guy that I work with that TOTALLY presses my buttons. The best "revenge" I can tell you is to not let it get to you - and shine at what you do. Don't let everyone else take the credit, make sure when it's your work that "makes the project", they KNOW it was your work. And though it sucks, be prepared to find another job when you get locked into a position and can't move. It took me 16 years to get to a position I actually wanted and allowed me to utilize more of my skillset. That was probably 1/2 because I'm a woman and 1/2 because I'm a damn good developer and damn good developers are hard to find so I was "more important" to management churning out code than anything else it was perceived I could do. Take jobs\projects that allow you to stretch and find new skills and most important, make new contacts. Don't be afraid to fail - that's the hardest for women - I know. But it's how we learn. People laugh when I tell people that I fail, I just fail faster and learn from it. They think I'm kidding - but I totally do! Just remember to get up again - ok? Hang in there and we're here if you need us!