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ElvenEngineer Feels Feelings


elvenengineer

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Well, this will be a different challenge for me. It should maybe be in a different section, but.... I'm still lifting, and this feels like home. And that's nice. And I miss you peoples.

 

As many of you know, I struggle with depression, and not wanting to feel feelings has always been a thing for me. For a lot of my life I was pretty sure I didn't have any.

Therapy and meds have helped, and now I feel all the things, which I'm told is good. And I have a lot of little moments now where I just think - I'm really happy right now! and that's great, and that never used to happen. But when bad things happen, those are a lot more intense as well.

 

I wasn't even going to do a challenge this time around, but then I saw Spezzy's, and I thought that if she can do it, so can I. Even if I am starting late.

 

So here's the thing: My uncle passed away last Friday. And not a blood related one, one that I had by choice. I loved him, and I miss him, and I am going home in a couple weeks and was SO excited to see him and others while I was there, but he was definitely one of the ones on my "MUST SEE" list. It's been a couple years since I've seen him, and now I have all the regrets that I didn't make the trip earlier, that he left before I had a change to tell him how much I appreciated his presence in my life (I've been working my way down a list), that I'll never get one more hug. And then I'm also just.... sad.

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

 

So, a challenge. Not just whining.

 

Self-Care: Every day, do something Future Elvie will be happy Past Elvie did. I've been working to expand my definition of self-care, and this is my favorite one. Sometimes that's lifting, sometimes it's choosing not to lift, sometimes it's paying a bill, sometimes it's doing laundry... etc.

 

Eat a full meal with a fruit or vegetable every day.

 

Post here every day (I found "weekly" was too vague last time, and I just kept saying that I'd do it later haha).

 

I'll post lifty stuff here too, of course

 

 

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Goal: Deadlift a (Female) Wookie (100 kg): 65.8%

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ELVIE!

 

We missed you too!

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. The relatives we have by choice always seem harder to lose. The Self care challenge is tough, you're just doing it at a higher difficulty level. 

Hug GIF - Hugs Hug GhostHug GIFs
 
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"You're going to be amazing." 

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HELLO AND HUGS. <3 

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Raptron, alot assassin

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Daily Post: 1/17/2018

 

Self-Care: Mailed two important things I'd been procrastinating

 

Meal with fruit at lunch - I didn't eat it all, but I ate most of it and I wasn't hungry after. Meal included three clementines.

 

Post - here :D 

 

Swing dancing and zumba tonight!

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Goal: Deadlift a (Female) Wookie (100 kg): 65.8%

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Liked for the heart and that I love you. Here if you need <3 

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so sorry to hear of your loss <3 i think your challenge is a good one and will help you through grieving.

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11/18/2017

 

Self-Care: not yet

 

Food - subway for lunch! filling and involving a vegetable

 

Post - here!

 

Salsa is tonight, but I think I'm going to stay home and paint the wood for my robotics' team's table. And play some video games. Which will probably be my self-care :)

 

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Goal: Deadlift a (Female) Wookie (100 kg): 65.8%

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On 1/17/2018 at 10:28 AM, elvenengineer said:

Well, this will be a different challenge for me. It should maybe be in a different section, but.... I'm still lifting, and this feels like home. And that's nice. And I miss you peoples.

 

As many of you know, I struggle with depression, and not wanting to feel feelings has always been a thing for me. For a lot of my life I was pretty sure I didn't have any.

Therapy and meds have helped, and now I feel all the things, which I'm told is good. And I have a lot of little moments now where I just think - I'm really happy right now! and that's great, and that never used to happen. But when bad things happen, those are a lot more intense as well.

 

I wasn't even going to do a challenge this time around, but then I saw Spezzy's, and I thought that if she can do it, so can I. Even if I am starting late.

 

So here's the thing: My uncle passed away last Friday. And not a blood related one, one that I had by choice. I loved him, and I miss him, and I am going home in a couple weeks and was SO excited to see him and others while I was there, but he was definitely one of the ones on my "MUST SEE" list. It's been a couple years since I've seen him, and now I have all the regrets that I didn't make the trip earlier, that he left before I had a change to tell him how much I appreciated his presence in my life (I've been working my way down a list), that I'll never get one more hug. And then I'm also just.... sad.

 

 

 

 

I have a lot of the same feelings, being far away. 

 

Seeing pictures of my grandmother when she was younger, from a time I didn't know her. That I never learned about her. Why not?

 

"Maybe I could have visited more. Put more effort in."

 

I found a postcard I had addressed but never mailed.

 

Why couldn't I have put the effort in to get to the post office?

 

But we can't beat ourselves up about these things. We can't change the past. What we can do is make sure that we optimize our current relationships so we don't feel regrets in the future.

 

<3

 

giphy.gif

 

 

 

 

 

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Spezzy, the Arcane Skirmisher
Chaotic Good Quarter Elf Slayer/Magus
STR: 21 / DEX: 17 / CON: 14 / INT: 15 / CHA 15
“There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
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11/19/2018

Self care- scheduled a massage for Monday, texted two people I want to connect with when I go back to LA

Food- I ate 2 decentish meals but no fruits or vegetables

Post - here from under three blankets

Did not gym even though I was schedule to :(


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Goal: Deadlift a (Female) Wookie (100 kg): 65.8%

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11/20/2017

Food - was bad about this today, had a burger and a granola bar total. Will do better tomorrow hopefully

Self-care: was cognizant of my limits, did not go out dancing tonight even though that was the original plan. Lots of socializing happened earlier and I’m worn out

Post- here!

Went to the zoo today and saw lots of animals including 🦒[emoji210][emoji196][emoji191][emoji204][emoji247][emoji234] but sadly no [emoji882]


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Goal: Deadlift a (Female) Wookie (100 kg): 65.8%

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(((HUG)))

Your definition of self-care is now my new favorite. And choosing to pay attention to yourself and not socialize when you are too tired to socialize - brilliant. #totallyawarrior 

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“Writing is thinking. To write well is to think clearly. That's why it's so hard."

-David McCullough

 

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Since I wrote that snazzy self care definition, thought I’d check in today on if I am appreciative of the self care choice I made last night and the answer is YES. I feel so much better today, both physically and mentally. Needed some rest!

I ate a full breakfast, so that’s good.

Plans include laundry and paying a bill.

And here I is, posting!


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Goal: Deadlift a (Female) Wookie (100 kg): 65.8%

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1/22/2018

 

self-care: had a massage, paid a bill I'd been procrastinating on

 

food - ummm I had three granola bars and a coffee today.  I may go cook something real quick. Didn't realize how bad it was, whoops

 

posting

 

still haven't done laundry

 

went to the gym yesterday! will post numbers maybe tomorrow, I is tired

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Goal: Deadlift a (Female) Wookie (100 kg): 65.8%

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yay! vegetables!

Instagram | pinterest

read harder challengeBattle LogNROLFW

Challenges: 13-1 | 13-2 | 13-3 | 13-3.5 | 14-1 | 14-2 | 15-1 | 15-2 | 15-3 | 15-4 | 15-5 | 16-1 | 16-2 | 16-3 | 16-4 | 16-516-6 | 16-7 | 16-8 | 17-1 | 17-2 | 17-3 | 17-4 | 17-5 | 17-6 | 17-7 | 17-8 | 17-9 | 17-10 | 18-118-2 | 18-318-4 | 18-5 | 18-6 | 18-7 | 18-8 | 18-9 | 18-10 | 19-1 | 19-2 | 19-3 | 19-4 | 19-5 | 19-6 | 19-7 | current

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3 hours ago, Grumble said:

I would recommend more than one, but that's just me.

 

I mean... depends...

 

q3niUnz4Swcf3wcT6Ig5PryAZwc=.gif

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I thought of you today. Miss you!

A coworker was talking about FIRST and nationals, so I decided to pop in here.

 

 

Sorry for your pain. 

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On 1/23/2018 at 9:49 PM, elvenengineer said:

1/23/2018

I ate food and a vegetable today!!!!

Self care was laundry and picking out my next cross stitch project

Posting here :)


Sent from a small communication device, somewhere in space

Wins all around!! Ps love the signoff line.

 Ballroom dancer, data nerd, calisthenics dabbler

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23 hours ago, Grumble said:

I would recommend more than one, but that's just me.

 

Two. Eat exactly two.

 

20 hours ago, RedStone said:

 

I mean... depends...

 

q3niUnz4Swcf3wcT6Ig5PryAZwc=.gif

 

TOMATOES ARE FRUUUUIIITS NOT VEGGIEEEESS! AAAARRRGH!

 

 

...sorry.

 

Pedantry for life (hashtag, yolo, and whatever else the kids say these days).

 

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