Yasha's Feb March

[Yasha92]

It’s taken me almost a whole week to write up this challenge, but the mini has been keeping my head above water by being allocated to the yoga/meditation group (good call @Tanktimus the Encourager ).

Keeping it as manageable as possible. Even the below seems tough ATM.

Food is fuel: I haven’t been bothered to eat, and when I’ve eaten it hasn’t been good. I will eat one fruit or veg a day, minimum. I will take my multivitamin.

Self care: haven’t been sleeping so well, and have been having dark and downward spirals. At least 5mins meditation/day. Grounding in bare feet whenever possible.

Nose to the grindstone: Go to work and cause no trouble (keep careful notes). Do uni homework.

Survival: Daily check-in with mood scored out of 10. 2/10 or lower calls for an additional self-care item.

[Yasha92]

Wk 1 Thurs

 

Fregg: 5 grapes. Multivit yes.

Meditation yes, grounding yes.

Went to work. No homework (but put in a job app).

Mood check: 4/10.

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I'm glad the mini has been helpful. I hope things get better for you.

[jonfirestar]

We're here if you need us. 

[TGP]

glad to see you post a challenge...

I'm a duck out of water with yoga; but I agree it has a calming effect that other exercise's don't.

 

NOW, i just have to SLOW down. Lol.

I'm doing a sequence a website says takes 30 minutes; in 3.5.

[Elastigirl]

Glad you posted a challenge. Sorry it's been so rough.

[Yasha92]

I'm glad the mini has been helpful. I hope things get better for you.

Thanks Tank, me too.

We're here if you need us. 

I do, and I appreciate it.

glad to see you post a challenge...
I'm a duck out of water with yoga; but I agree it has a calming effect that other exercise's don't.
 
NOW, i just have to SLOW down. Lol.
I'm doing a sequence a website says takes 30 minutes; in 3.5.

Slooooooooooow doooooooown.

I usually do it with a YouTube video to guide me for how long I should be spending in each pose.

Glad you posted a challenge. Sorry it's been so rough.

Thanks EG, I’m looking forward to getting a bit of a break from all the ‘meh’ that’s been hanging around me lately.



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[Yasha92]

Wk 1 Fri

Freg: a green apple
Meditation: about to do it before bed. So, yes.
Went to work, left early at about 2 because I felt super nauseous. I was feeling sick enough that when the manager offered to give me a lift home so I didn’t have to wait for the bus I took it. Then she asked me if I was pregnant and I kind of wished I hadn’t...
Mood check: 3/10. I was able to keep the food I ate down, so that was a small win.


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[TGP]

lol.

thankx Yasha.

 

about the SLOW-mo yoga.  after lunch today I intend to take my yoga.com approved sequence and do it right!  

with a timer! if I have to

 

at least ONE yoga session this week needs done properly.

----------------------------------

from https://lovemeditating.com/how-long-to-hold-yoga-pose/

 

"  Since you are interested in developing flexibility, strength, balance, and endurance, you need to hold the poses for longer.

 

On a general basis, you need to hold the yoga poses for about 10-12 breaths.

With practice, you can also go up to 30 breaths. It will help you hold the pose for around 3 minutes.

It is best to count the time in breaths (one breath cycle is one deep inhalation followed by complete exhalation).

Connecting the poses with your breath keeps the mind engaged and focused.

When you combine yoga and meditation, you need to hold the poses for longer"

----------------------------

so I will count breaths making sure to get full inhales and exhales.  and we'll see how long that takes

[Sloth the Enduring]

I was wandering about you; glad you’re still here.


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[Elastigirl]

Ugh, I hate feeling nauseous. Hope you feel better soon.

[Yasha92]

lol.
thankx Yasha.
 
about the SLOW-mo yoga.  after lunch today I intend to take my yoga.com approved sequence and do it right!  
with a timer! if I have to
 
at least ONE yoga session this week needs done properly.
----------------------------------

How did you go with your yoga?

I was wandering about you; glad you’re still here.


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Good to see you Sloth. Too stubborn to quit (too good a community to lose).

Ugh, I hate feeling nauseous. Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks! I felt much better once I got home and horizontal.

[Yasha92]

Fregg: A banana. Multivit yes.
Meditation yes, just about to before bed.
No work. No homework. It’s the weekend.
Mood check: 7/10. Had a weird hour or so of just complete body loathing, very hateful inner monologue which would have been about a 2... made myself eat dinner despite the nasty voice, then watched a couple episodes of the new queer eye for the straight guy on Netflix... the pure love they were showing those people, regardless of how they looked, was good for me to see.


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[TGP]

per the web I held each pose for 10 breaths;

EXCEPT the warriorpose to triangle which I felt was just dynamic to remain "stuck" in

 

maybe I shouldn't have done that?  I had 22 poses and got them all done in 16 mins.  so the question is do I slow down EVEN MORE, add more poses, do it twice

 

or just move on - bringing stretches back to the 3-5mins they've always taken.

 

this is like the last day for the mini.& 

I will try to be particularly slow, today when I do them.  but after that honestly- come sunday I'm prolly just going to remind myself that yoga is not my thing.   

[TGP]

8 minutes ago, Yasha92 said:

Fregg: A banana. Multivit yes.
Meditation yes, just about to before bed.
No work. No homework. It’s the weekend.
Mood check: 7/10. Had a weird hour or so of just complete body loathing, very hateful inner monologue which would have been about a 2... made myself eat dinner despite the nasty voice, then watched a couple episodes of the new queer eye for the straight guy on Netflix... the pure love they were showing those people, regardless of how they looked, was good for me to see.


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Yasha

I think EVERYONE feels self-conscious about the way they look.  and If I can add my honest opinion here...

its worse for women.  I see women often evaluated quite conspicously on the way they look.

 

this is wrong.

if you have clean, good clothes, and you've done a basicly decent job of grooming

you should be seen as the same as any other person.  and beautiful in your own way..

 

rant is over.Jason

[Emerald Eagle]

Glad you're here, sorry that you're struggling. Here to follow and support however I can. 

[Yasha92]

19 hours ago, TGP said:

Yasha

I think EVERYONE feels self-conscious about the way they look.  and If I can add my honest opinion here...

its worse for women.  I see women often evaluated quite conspicously on the way they look.

 

this is wrong.

if you have clean, good clothes, and you've done a basicly decent job of grooming

you should be seen as the same as any other person.  and beautiful in your own way..

 

rant is over.Jason

 

Thanks TGP, I think the societal pressures are super loud towards women, but toxic towards everyone. I'm working on my mentality, the sort of stuff I say to myself I would never, ever say to my best lady who is a similar body shape to me. I haven't necessarily been super successful in changing that inner voice, but I have got better as recognising it and calling it out. 

 

9 hours ago, EmeraldEagle said:

Glad you're here, sorry that you're struggling. Here to follow and support however I can. 

 

Thanks EE, good to see you. I feel like if I can manage to plod along with the basics even when I'm deep in the grips of stinking thinking I can make my way back to the light sooner and in better shape.

[Yasha92]

Week 2 Sunday~

Fregg: A half cup or so of minted peas. Multivit yes.
Meditation: just about to before bed.
No work. No homework. It’s the weekend.
Mood check: 7/10. Had people over for DnD, and while I felt a big disconnect from the game itself I was ok about having people over, the house was clean enough to not be stressful (best lady came over on Friday night, so we had already cleaned recently). Mr and I had a good chat about communication. I'm completely exhausted from the idea of going to work tomorrow, so I'm going to bed early enough that I'll be in bed for at least 7.5 hours.

[Emerald Eagle]

12 hours ago, Yasha92 said:

Week 2 Sunday~

Fregg: A half cup or so of minted peas. Multivit yes.
Meditation: just about to before bed.
No work. No homework. It’s the weekend.
Mood check: 7/10. Had people over for DnD, and while I felt a big disconnect from the game itself I was ok about having people over, the house was clean enough to not be stressful (best lady came over on Friday night, so we had already cleaned recently). Mr and I had a good chat about communication. I'm completely exhausted from the idea of going to work tomorrow, so I'm going to bed early enough that I'll be in bed for at least 7.5 hours.

 

7/10 is great! I hope you had a restful night's sleep.

[Yasha92]

9 hours ago, EmeraldEagle said:

 

7/10 is great! I hope you had a restful night's sleep.

 

I like the weekend methinks...

 

I slept ok, but I would like to have had some more.

[jonfirestar]

16 minutes ago, Yasha92 said:

I like the weekend methinks...

 

Weekends are the best  

[Yasha92]

Week2, Monday~

Fregg: A banana

Meditation: just about to get into the bath and put on a meditation/mindfulness video

Worked, had training all day which was good and not so good... good because I was out of the office and learning something interesting... not so good because it's a really big week this week and I feel guilty for not being on the floor available for my staff. I'm planning to go in earlier tomorrow to try and do some emails and things before I have to head to training... I also have my first extended probation meeting (did we talk about this? I feel like possibly not because I've been too upset about it... short version - my probation period got extended because I 'wasn't performing in line with the expectations of the role', which has really shook me and my faith in my ability, spiraled me into this depression which I feel like I can't talk about or take time off for because it 'proves' that I'm not cut out for this job etc etc), which I would really like to prepare for by printing some examples and thinking things through. Homework: not a speck... I'm considering dropping the subject, I have until Sunday to decide. I feel like I shouldn't drop out, because work is paying for it and why not get something as a trade for my current level of misery and also it gives me something non-work to focus on and an approved half day one day a week, but I feel like I should because I worry about what is happening at work in those four hours I'm not there and because there is a group assessment AND an exam, and when I deadpan asked my two group members what their goal marks were they said 50 and 65-70 respectively... where my goal mark would be 80+. I have the rest of the week to decide and I will take my time and try not to rush into a decision in a bad headspace... If I am continuing, I need to get on the homework train though. ASAP.

Mood check: 3-4/10. I have non-stop tummy gurgles about going to work, it's making it hard to eat (hence the fregg goal) and I'm not loving it. But- I had almost no shitty self talk today and while I often thought "I just want to go to bed" it wasn't followed by "and never get up again", so I guess that's a bit of a win. Learning this new system is interesting, and I like learning new things and having the opportunity to ask questions which will make it a better system in the long run. I also taught a lady in a different department a shortcut to send a bulk message to students instead of sending them one-by-one, so while she wasn't super excited about it or anything I was pleased that I will have permanently lightened her load by sharing some knowledge, made me feel like I was worth something.

I went to the gym and did some deadlifts but with the 'trap bar' - I lifted pretty well and worked my hands into some brand new blisters. I also told my trainer that I am struggling to eat and that my headspace is shiiiiiit. He agreed that adding a scoop of protein to an iced coffee just to get some nutrients down is a good first step. I need to buy more protein. He also lent me two kettlebells so I can use them for the mini once that week rolls around, which was nice of him and beyond the calling of standard PT duties I feel.

[TGP]

I have been FIRED at work before

 

it sucks rotten eggs.

 

when things happen its never seems very fair. 

 

RESIST! resist and resist till the bitter end!!! and .... you might want to get your resume "out there".  seriously SO much better to leave for a better Opportunity than to get the box and the walk of shame.

 

now saying that, I have no idea where you truly are in your job.  surely every employer is different and so is every job.  I sense its a new job, which makes the implied dissaproval that much more intense.  and maybe your employer is giving you a skinny little road to "Meets Expectation" or even better.  I always tried to have a direct pointed chat with the boss when things start to sour-- the problem is only half of them tell the truth.

 

some will claim your fine; just do this a little better,etc  all nice and pleasant until the Last day.

 

this comes back to the "unfair" part of the process I was talking about.

 

But every job is different.

 

[Salinger]

Hey Yasha, sorry about whats going on at the moment. Hoping you start to feel better soon. Can you chat to your boss about performance etc? x

[Yasha92]

I have been FIRED at work before
 
it sucks rotten eggs.
 
when things happen its never seems very fair. 
 
RESIST! resist and resist till the bitter end!!! and .... you might want to get your resume "out there".  seriously SO much better to leave for a better Opportunity than to get the box and the walk of shame.
 
now saying that, I have no idea where you truly are in your job.  surely every employer is different and so is every job.  I sense its a new job, which makes the implied dissaproval that much more intense.  and maybe your employer is giving you a skinny little road to "Meets Expectation" or even better.  I always tried to have a direct pointed chat with the boss when things start to sour-- the problem is only half of them tell the truth.
 
some will claim your fine; just do this a little better,etc  all nice and pleasant until the Last day.
 
this comes back to the "unfair" part of the process I was talking about.
 
But every job is different.
 

I have been in the role for 6months (and was acting for 2before that) but in the workplace for four years. I was under the impression I was going well enough in this role(if struggling a little with juggling a huge workload with staff dropping out sick at a rate of up to three per day over the last three months), the feedback I’d been getting verbally seemed like I was on the right track, right up to when I got warned that I wasn’t going to pass my probation period, I picked myself up from that shock and worked even harder (I thought) and it was still not enough and my probation got extended for another 3 months. I feel awful and now I’m constantly questioning myself. It doesn’t help that my direct supervisor is really new to the whole institution and we are very different personalities, so we often don’t see eye to eye. I’ve put in one app for something else already, but if I get a different job I’ll lose my sponsored place in my masters (which is only given out to 8ppl/year) and any semblance of security- though while I’m on probation they only have to give me a weeks notice so technically I don’t have the security I thought I had anyway. It stinks.

Hey Yasha, sorry about whats going on at the moment. Hoping you start to feel better soon. Can you chat to your boss about performance etc? x

Thanks Sal, I had a meeting with my boss today to discuss. It’s tough to take her feedback because I strongly disagree with most of it (when I’m not wrapped up in the horror of being told that people don’t like me).


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