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RogueLibrarian

RogueLibrarian needs a new sleeve

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1 hour ago, Happienumber said:

Nice! What's it about?

 

It's kinda Leverage meets The Count of Monte Cristo. The fantasy city is inspired by colonial New Orleans. Murder. Disguises. Rampant bisexuality. Art fraud. Riverboat heists. 

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4 hours ago, raptron said:

Enjoy the conference! (Assuming it is of the kind that are enjoyable.)

 

Thanks!

 

I'm here, found a falafel salad for lunch that wasn't bad. The weather is shitty and gray and wet, so no outdoor exercise. I'm going to write for a few minutes, go to the gym after lunch settles, there is an early evening dinner meetup. There is probably going to be a hang in the hotel bar this evening, but  I think I'm going to avoid drinking on this trip and opt for no-pants TV time and an early night instead.

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Fortunately I'm in easy walking distance of the downtown market area with  ALL THE RESTAURANTS. 

 

The hotel gym sucks, nowhere to use my suspension straps! But I biked for half an hour and pumped some iron. 

 

Okay, time to make myself go socialize....

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The trip's good, and I'm two days for two on working out (I skipped an afternoon conference session to exercise and get some decompression time alone in my room). Writing will not happen today or tomorrow most likely, but, oh well, maybe that was unrealistic? 

 

Meeting some awesome people, learning stuff, gonna go get fed for free tonight. I am eating reasonably healthy and haven't had a drink (might have one to two beers tonight). I am pleased with myself for making a couple of conference buddies instead of just being a hermit as I sometimes do at these things. It'll definitely be an early night though.

 

Home tomorrow (and will defniitely be a rest day workout-wise). I miss my cats and my own bed, as usual when I am traveling alone.

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On 2/27/2018 at 10:39 PM, RogueLibrarian said:

Now I am starving so I'm eating a pear.

That sounds so disappointing. If anything a pear would make me even hungrier!

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7 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

That sounds so disappointing. If anything a pear would make me even hungrier!

 

A pear might make me less hungry, but good luck convincing me-when-I'm-hungry of that.

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On 2/28/2018 at 8:16 AM, RogueLibrarian said:

 

It's kinda Leverage meets The Count of Monte Cristo. The fantasy city is inspired by colonial New Orleans. Murder. Disguises. Rampant bisexuality. Art fraud. Riverboat heists. 

 

YOOOOOOO that sounds amazing. If you ever want a beta reader....

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14 hours ago, Happienumber said:

YOOOOOOO that sounds amazing. If you ever want a beta reader....

 

I couldn't find this fantasy heist revenge book about bisexual thieves on Amazon so I am having to WRITE IT MYSELF LIKE A CHUMP so I can read it

 

I have gotten some very nice compliments about my professional nonfiction writing work recently -- like a friend wants me to read her manuscript so I can write a back cover blurb for her book because she thinks I have "cred," and a couple of young librarians introduced themself to me at the conference to thank me for a recent email conversation in which I had given them some publishing advice. If I hadn't done a lot of that sort of writing first, I would not have the confidence to finally attempt a novel. (And if I didn't have librarian friends who had written professional books before me, I wouldn't have had the confidence to try that.)

 

19 hours ago, tei_ said:

A pear might make me less hungry, but good luck convincing me-when-I'm-hungry of that.

 

On 3/2/2018 at 8:24 AM, Mad Hatter said:

That sounds so disappointing. If anything a pear would make me even hungrier!

 

I have gotten very good about my "fruit as snack" habit. I bring a piece of fruit to work in my lunch just about every day. I genuinely like fruit and veg, so it doesn't feel like a sacrifice (especially once I got out of the habit of buying candy bars and cheese & crackers from the vending machines).

 

I am a little wiped out from conferencing and travel yesterday, so I'm not going to kickboxing class today but I do plan to go tomorrow morning. I didn't write the last two days, but I did meditate every day while I was traveling. I forgot to do it yesterday before I checked out of my hotel room, but at conference breakfast I remembered that they had set up a quiet chill-out room with a white noise machine and yoga mats and coloring books. So I slipped in there and did a five-minuter.

 

Today's agenda: grocery store, don sweatpants for the rest of the day, meditate, write, homemade pizza for dinner, not much else.

 

How much I is TMI?:

Spoiler

An old friend recently saw me wearing some unspecified percentage less than 100% of my clothing, and gave me a um very enthusiastic compliment about how my fitness progress has affected my appearance.

 

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I feel like you have posted many times about friends complimenting your body? Your friends sound A+ and I need friends who stare at my ass more

giphy.gif

 

Well done on keeping up your habits at the conference, and for all the career cred you've accumulated!

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1 minute ago, tei_ said:

I feel like you have posted many times about friends complimenting your body? Your friends sound A+ and I need friends who stare at my ass more

 

Ehhh, maybe a couple of times? It always makes an impression on me when it happens.

 

Spoiler

This is a long-ago FWB so I feel like she has been paying attention over the years.

 

1 minute ago, tei_ said:

Well done on keeping up your habits at the conference, and for all the career cred you've accumulated!

 

I have gotten very intentional about keeping my habits going when I travel alone. This is partly because I have BLOWN IT many times in the past.

 

I have been thinking about the career cred thing not to brag (and I hope that's not how it came off) because ironically it tends to make my anxiety and imposter syndrome worse when it happens. I'm trying to do a better job of taking compliments on board and not letting it turn into me overanalyzing and doubting and feeling weird about it. I'M AN ANXIOUS MESS OF A WORK IN PROGRESS, FOLKS

 

(There was a session about imposter syndrome at the conference. They had to put it in the big ballroom because 100 people at a 300-person conference came)

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1 hour ago, tei_ said:

Your friends sound A+ and I need friends who stare at my ass more

 

PS: my friends are A+. I feel I should add that they are about 50% HEY YOUR ASS LOOKS GREAT people and 50% CAN WE PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT ASSES people.

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1 hour ago, RogueLibrarian said:

PS: my friends are A+. I feel I should add that they are about 50% HEY YOUR ASS LOOKS GREAT people and 50% CAN WE PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT ASSES people.

So what you're actually saying is that you're looking to replace 50% of you "friends".

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12 hours ago, RogueLibrarian said:

 

Ehhh, maybe a couple of times? It always makes an impression on me when it happens.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

This is a long-ago FWB so I feel like she has been paying attention over the years.

 

 

I have gotten very intentional about keeping my habits going when I travel alone. This is partly because I have BLOWN IT many times in the past.

 

I have been thinking about the career cred thing not to brag (and I hope that's not how it came off) because ironically it tends to make my anxiety and imposter syndrome worse when it happens. I'm trying to do a better job of taking compliments on board and not letting it turn into me overanalyzing and doubting and feeling weird about it. I'M AN ANXIOUS MESS OF A WORK IN PROGRESS, FOLKS

 

(There was a session about imposter syndrome at the conference. They had to put it in the big ballroom because 100 people at a 300-person conference came)

 

Yeah, compliments are hard. For me it’s a combination of “fear of success is fear of failure at the next level” (if I’m doing well, that means I’ll have to continue to do well, and eventually I’ll have to start doing well at harder stuff under more pressure, I can’t do that, I suck!) and also that the intimate knowledge that you have of your own performance and your inevitable failures and shortcomings can make it seem like other people aren’t trustworthy if they don’t pick up on the stuff you weren’t happy with. I wouldn’t want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member, etc.

 

I was lucky to have a colleague set me straight when I rejected his compliment earlier this year and I made a resolution to a. accept compliments gracefully even if I don’t think I deserve them and b. Resist the urge to seek absolution for my shortcomings by complaining about them/fishing for compliments from other people. Both of those things are so haaaard for me

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10 hours ago, tei_ said:

Yeah, compliments are hard. For me it’s a combination of “fear of success is fear of failure at the next level” (if I’m doing well, that means I’ll have to continue to do well, and eventually I’ll have to start doing well at harder stuff under more pressure, I can’t do that, I suck!) and also that the intimate knowledge that you have of your own performance and your inevitable failures and shortcomings can make it seem like other people aren’t trustworthy if they don’t pick up on the stuff you weren’t happy with. I wouldn’t want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member, etc.

 

I was lucky to have a colleague set me straight when I rejected his compliment earlier this year and I made a resolution to a. accept compliments gracefully even if I don’t think I deserve them and b. Resist the urge to seek absolution for my shortcomings by complaining about them/fishing for compliments from other people. Both of those things are so haaaard for me

 

Yep. It's hard to do. I often feel like I'm faking my way through things -- work notable among them but not only that -- and when I get complimented on something, even something I worked really hard on, it's so easy to think "well, anyone could have done that" or "it's not as good as they think." I've at least gotten pretty good about consciously accepting compliments gracefully and gratefully out loud even if I can't always internalize it.

 

I did not go to kickboxing class this weekend and I feel shitty about that -- not only paying for classes that I'm skipping, but falling down on my good intentions. I was just tired again this morning and didn't feel like it. Ugh. I made a choice. (I did get three workouts in this week, so that's good. I'm realizing that I set a challenge goal of three per week but have been mentally holding myself to a standard of doing four.)

 

Making salad for lunch today.

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2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Meee too. 

 

For what it's worth, I find sometimes that saying it out loud robs it of some of its power. (Which is why I talked about it here and went to that conference session about it.) (And also one reason I have a therapist.)

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I lol'd at your vaguest TMI spoiler. BUT YEEEE, YOU'RE DOIN YOUR BODY GOOD. 

 

On 3/3/2018 at 1:04 PM, RogueLibrarian said:

I have been thinking about the career cred thing not to brag (and I hope that's not how it came off) because ironically it tends to make my anxiety and imposter syndrome worse when it happens. I'm trying to do a better job of taking compliments on board and not letting it turn into me overanalyzing and doubting and feeling weird about it. I'M AN ANXIOUS MESS OF A WORK IN PROGRESS, FOLKS

 

(There was a session about imposter syndrome at the conference. They had to put it in the big ballroom because 100 people at a 300-person conference came)

IT CERTAINLY DID NOT COME OFF BRAGGY. Also, it's okay to brag sometimes, but that I'm sure flies in the face of imposter syndrome foreva. I get it sometimes, but honestly put a lot of faith in taking praise (and criticism) at face value. No one knows all the behind-the-scenes things in your brain while you are doing work, so I like to accept that they are commenting on my outcomes. ...Okay, that doesn't sound helpful at all, but for some reason it helps me.

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19 minutes ago, raptron said:

I lol'd at your vaguest TMI spoiler. BUT YEEEE, YOU'RE DOIN YOUR BODY GOOD. 

 

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE READING THIS WANT TO BE PICTURING ME WITHOUT PANTS ON 

 

whoops sorry everyone that one was my bad

 

19 minutes ago, raptron said:

IT CERTAINLY DID NOT COME OFF BRAGGY. Also, it's okay to brag sometimes, but that I'm sure flies in the face of imposter syndrome foreva. I get it sometimes, but honestly put a lot of faith in taking praise (and criticism) at face value. No one knows all the behind-the-scenes things in your brain while you are doing work, so I like to accept that they are commenting on my outcomes. ...Okay, that doesn't sound helpful at all, but for some reason it helps me.

 

No, that totally makes sense. And thinking about my (our) reactions to all this stuff helps make the negative self-talk less reflexive and automatic. THANK YOU 

 

(I do also have a therapist)

 

Okay, I am eating spinach/beans/rice for lunch, going to write a little bit over my lunch break as soon as I'm done with foods, then this afternoon I'll get a gym break in (probably suspension bodyweight), and then eat a pear. I think I could probably make my suspension workout a little tougher? Being forced to use different exercise gear at the hotel made me push myself a little harder. Thinking about that.

 

 

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2 hours ago, RogueLibrarian said:

this afternoon I'll get a gym break in (probably suspension bodyweight),

 

NOPE I did rowing instead. Half an hour. It is difficult but it's sort of gratifying that I can do it.

 

2 hours ago, RogueLibrarian said:

and then eat a pear

 

DOING THAT NOW

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