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Treva

Treva Sings--When you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up

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On 30.3.2018 at 12:57 AM, Treva said:

Being kind to myself and ignoring the folks at school.  I've been so self involved I didn't realize I am just as good as they are at plenty of things, sometimes I am better! Doing weights!  Love my kettlebells.  I should name them.  That would be such a good idea.  Will probably name them after bells in the Abhorsen series.  Yeah.  That's a good idea.

*Hug* (if you're into that stuff)

 

I totally get the feeling of feeling alien or isolated among the other students. I'm back at university for three days now and I already miss the time, when I could quietly learn and write on my own. It's totally frustrating. And it's even more frustrating that some of the teachers seem as superstitious as the students. I don't care. I won't ware make up and I really don't care about their weekend. So could we please just get it on and finish group homework qickly? I don't know, but in my opinion the answers I give are more important than the blouse I wear, but todays lecturer talked ten minutes about apropriate clothing for the exams... O____O

 

When I'm feeling down because of people, I try to get some time for myself. Enjoy some time alone or with my bf and just remind myself, that not everybody is like this. It's just harder to ignore the loud people. Good you had some good days around easter. :)

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On 4/8/2018 at 9:14 PM, Teirin said:

Congrats on being a good corrupting influence.  Prioritizing sleep and good food is critical self care, especially for what you're doing.  Good work!  So is watching happy movies.

 

Congrats again on impressing your Attending!  the success journal is a good idea.

 

Kishi was making a Jezebel joke :-)

 

yeah!  although, I've found it's really important sometimes to eat chocolate, especially when working at a level 1 trauma center.  

Thanks!!!! I haven't been great with the journal as much as I'd like, but I have it started, which is somehting

oh.  I'm dumb.  

 

On 4/10/2018 at 1:15 PM, Kishi said:

 

Nice. Way to get people to sit up and pay attention.

 

 

I mean, perspective is good. Keeps problems smaller and more manageable.

 

 

On the whole, it sounds like you're doing a lot better. I like that you're willing to reframe things that happen to you to successes and opportunities to grow. Because that's really what they are, more often than not. And I like that you're focusing on doing better and being better rather than fitting the mold.

 

You're doing great! Finish this challenge strong!

 

Thanks.  Thanks!  THANK!  Doing better and being better rather than fitting the mold is a lot easier, now that I've found the people I work with like me better when I share the unique things about me.  Now that I'm less worried I'm going to be taken down for things I can't change about myself, I can focus more on growth.  

 

On 4/10/2018 at 6:11 PM, Mistr said:

 

Rest has to come first. The gym is great for working off stress and making your body feel better. Sometimes your brain and spirit need the restoration more than your body. That is fine.

 

Good for you for setting a good example for your coworkers!

 

 

Excellent that you are getting recognition for knowing stuff! I'm glad you are getting good experience doing your trauma rotation.

 

Having an emotional restoring video is great. I have a go-to CD in my car for when I need to chill. Positive coping mechanisms are GOOD.

 

 

Great idea!

 

Yeah.  this last block of work, particularly on transplant, has been an example of when there is absolutely no way I would be able to get to the gym or do any working out.  

Thanks!!!! The trauma rotation was great, and now that I'm on transplant I have been keeping the pace.  My interns and fellows have been impressed with that even though I don't want to go into surgery, I'm throwing myself into the situation anyways.

 

Yeah I totally need the emotionally restoring videos and books.  Is it lame to reread the same thing a million times?  Maybe.  but I stlil need it.

 

On 4/11/2018 at 3:12 PM, Luciana Valerosa Culming said:

*Hug* (if you're into that stuff)

 

I totally get the feeling of feeling alien or isolated among the other students. I'm back at university for three days now and I already miss the time, when I could quietly learn and write on my own. It's totally frustrating. And it's even more frustrating that some of the teachers seem as superstitious as the students. I don't care. I won't ware make up and I really don't care about their weekend. So could we please just get it on and finish group homework qickly? I don't know, but in my opinion the answers I give are more important than the blouse I wear, but todays lecturer talked ten minutes about apropriate clothing for the exams... O____O

 

When I'm feeling down because of people, I try to get some time for myself. Enjoy some time alone or with my bf and just remind myself, that not everybody is like this. It's just harder to ignore the loud people. Good you had some good days around easter. :)

  *hugs* (totally good for them, thank you for asking).

 

Right?  Don't you miss being able to just run solo and not have to talk to anyone?  Exactly how I felt at the beginning of med school when I tried to talk to my classmates.  NO I do not care about "the cool band" you happen to know a member of, and I don't care about what you and your hubby did, and I don't care about the latest makeup you bought (I call mine warpaint, thanks, because i'm an arteeeeest).  It was just another form of grumble-bragging, trying to one up each other in a really catty fashion.  Your blouse is only important in so much as people perceive you based on what you wear, and at university it doesn't really matter right then.  Other than probably no pajamas for exams.  

 

Time alone, or with other people that are not my classmates, would be great.  It is hard to feel like not everyone is like this when I'm the only one striking out!  But it does convince me that I need to try to be someplace else for the next stage of my training

 

 

End of Challenge Wrap Up

Food: eat as healthy as I can, spend money if I have to.  Check and check.  Was it hard?  Absolutely, and I definitely had fallback points.  One night on trauma we got hot dogs and I couldn't help it.  But lately I've been good about buying salads at work, and I've even been able to hydrate more (something that's super hard to do when you're expected to be in the OR without leaving for 6+ hours)

 

Sleep: So working on yogic sleep actually has helped me fall asleep faster.  It helped me observe the physiologic patterns and how falling asleep should feel, so I know how to replicate them and I stop freaking out about "oh my god my body isn't asleep yet!!!!" I'm also really tired from work, so I don't have to try to hard to sleep.

 

Exercise: yeah this rotation worked gREAT up until I started doing transplant.  but it allowed me to be flexible.  I even got to the gym, went out and ran, and took adbantage of the time as it came to me.  

 

Music: I did much better with this, again being prepared by always having music with me, and taking advantage of the instruments I had around me.  I was even able to work extra hours at my school so I could take lunch on a weekend day to lead rehearsal.  Which was great because 1) transplant recognized I am a Musician and I am allowed to be that, and 2) I got to do my music!!

 

Overall Treva Feelings

Spoiler

I do feel more confident then I did when I started this challenge.  I thin that's really important for me to recognize.  Part of it was enforcing simple self care from this challenge, part of it was figuring out how to reframe how I was looking at the world, and part of it was being around people who, frankly, didn't doubt my abilities.  My last night on trauma I ended up being involved in the management of a hit (normally we just stand and watch), and basically didn't move until I felt uncomfortable about the amount of responsibility I was about to have.  I've done other stuff on transplant and trauma that I really shouldn't even talk about because it's rare enough that I wouldn't want privacy laws to be violated.  
I've even been feeling like my brain is my own again.  The information comes back to the front of my mind easier, and I don't have to overwork my brain to learn things.  

I still haven't posted to everyone else's challenges as much as I'd like to.  I am realizing, though, it is a bit of "get your own oxygen mask on first."  It may not be the most egocentric thing in the world if you're focused on getting through seeing some gruesome stuff every day that being supportive of everyone else has to wait until you're through the 12-24 hour days first.  

 

I'm looking forward to the next challenge though!!! Got some great ideas already.  

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3 minutes ago, Treva said:

yeah!  although, I've found it's really important sometimes to eat chocolate, especially when working at a level 1 trauma center. 

 

I maintain that dark chocolate is very good for the health of everyone around me :-D  Can't criticize there.

 

You're not.  You're tired.

 

Rewatching/reading things is very relaxing.  It's a great thing to do for yourself when you're stressed. 

 

Glad you've been able to be yourself more, and are feeling so much better for it!

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15 hours ago, Treva said:

yeah!  although, I've found it's really important sometimes to eat chocolate, especially when working at a level 1 trauma center.  

 

Music: I did much better with this, again being prepared by always having music with me, and taking advantage of the instruments I had around me.  I was even able to work extra hours at my school so I could take lunch on a weekend day to lead rehearsal.  Which was great because 1) transplant recognized I am a Musician and I am allowed to be that, and 2) I got to do my music!!

 

I still haven't posted to everyone else's challenges as much as I'd like to.  I am realizing, though, it is a bit of "get your own oxygen mask on first."  It may not be the most egocentric thing in the world if you're focused on getting through seeing some gruesome stuff every day that being supportive of everyone else has to wait until you're through the 12-24 hour days first.  

 

I'm looking forward to the next challenge though!!! Got some great ideas already.  

 

Great progress report on your challenge! So many good things.

 

Give yourself a break on posting on other people's challenges. We have a similar conversation here from time to time about not letting posting get in the way of exercising. Right now you have Work > Sleep > Exercise/self-care > Social interaction. And that is just how it is. You will get done with this phase and have different priorities then. For now you are doing a fine job of coping.

 

13 hours ago, Teirin said:

I maintain that dark chocolate is very good for the health of everyone around me :-D  Can't criticize there.

 

Rewatching/reading things is very relaxing.  It's a great thing to do for yourself when you're stressed. 

^^^^^^^^^This

I totally agree. Dark chocolate is a lovely, tasty, affordable, legal mind-altering drug.

 

You have to spend plenty of time reading school stuff to learn new things. You spend hours every day expanding your mind. Your relaxing reading does not have to do those things. No guilt.

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19 hours ago, Treva said:

Food: eat as healthy as I can, spend money if I have to.  Check and check.  Was it hard?  Absolutely, and I definitely had fallback points.  One night on trauma we got hot dogs and I couldn't help it.  But lately I've been good about buying salads at work, and I've even been able to hydrate more (something that's super hard to do when you're expected to be in the OR without leaving for 6+ hours)

 

Well, that's typically how it works. There's no point in trying to be perfect. Perfect and real life do not mix well. However, that doesn't mean that you can't do well with what you have in front of you, right?

 

19 hours ago, Treva said:

Sleep: So working on yogic sleep actually has helped me fall asleep faster.  It helped me observe the physiologic patterns and how falling asleep should feel, so I know how to replicate them and I stop freaking out about "oh my god my body isn't asleep yet!!!!" I'm also really tired from work, so I don't have to try to hard to sleep.

 

Wow, that sounds like an amazing skill to have, and something I could learn from too. Excellent!

 

19 hours ago, Treva said:

Exercise: yeah this rotation worked gREAT up until I started doing transplant.  but it allowed me to be flexible.  I even got to the gym, went out and ran, and took adbantage of the time as it came to me. 

 

Nice! Glad to hear it worked with what you have to work with. Sounds like something you can continue to practice with even past this rotation, hm?

 

19 hours ago, Treva said:

Music: I did much better with this, again being prepared by always having music with me, and taking advantage of the instruments I had around me.  I was even able to work extra hours at my school so I could take lunch on a weekend day to lead rehearsal.  Which was great because 1) transplant recognized I am a Musician and I am allowed to be that, and 2) I got to do my music!!

 

Aw, that's so great that they got off you for that. I hope that's a pattern from them going forward, and I'm sure the extra practice will be good for you. :)

 

19 hours ago, Treva said:

I still haven't posted to everyone else's challenges as much as I'd like to.  I am realizing, though, it is a bit of "get your own oxygen mask on first."  It may not be the most egocentric thing in the world if you're focused on getting through seeing some gruesome stuff every day that being supportive of everyone else has to wait until you're through the 12-24 hour days first.

 

Yup. Can't help others if you can't help yourself, and if you're not helping yourself it'll compromise your ability to help others. It's okay to take care of yourself for that. :)

 

Way to end the thing strong! Very nicely done.

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