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Morag

[Morag] haz another challenge about taking care and drinking tea

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I continue to struggle -thoroughly- with the same things over and over and over.

So again: Selfcare and taking breaks. Kinda boring, isn't it?

 

more soon

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Nope, not boring.  VERY important!!!   When simple works it is beautiful, powerful and amazing.  You are beautiful, powerful and amazing!!!

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Pff, selfcare never is a boring matter.
Casbin! Hey
Yeah, yeah... I am not entirely sure I agree. Not because selfcare is boring, it is not I grant you, but I have been doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...
And I must admit I am a bit bored with myself and my lack of weight loss and physical improvement.
Not boring - simple! Simple is good
Hey, Raxie. Simple. Yes, simple is good. I will try to do something this time around that removes the boredom. Not entirely sure what yet, but stay tuned...
Nope, not boring.  VERY important!!!   When simple works it is beautiful, powerful and amazing.  You are beautiful, powerful and amazing!!!
Terra, hey. Thank you dear. We got this!
Sounds familiar. 
 
I'm always working on this myself.  What are you thinkin'?
Hey Leimanu,
welcome aboard. Good to have you here.

My challenge is starting to form in my head, it is all very exciting. And though I am semi-bored with all the same terrain where I am here mentally, I do see that I traverse my life by a spiral road, yes the view may be indistinguishably similar, but the road under my feet is by far not the same as it was.

Here are the cliff notes:
* I am a c-licensed fitness- and health sport trainer for adults and elderly - I will eventually try to figure out if it is feasible to get the b-license. While I will not get the training this challenge, hitting the books and asking my fitness club about it may (and maybe should) happen this next month.

* I am a licensed trainer for Lübecker Modell Bewegungswelten, which is a science accompanied training program for people living in care facilities (elderly homes and such) we do an hour of training twice a week, in a seated circle. The training is heavily focussed on training for autonomy, balancing on one leg (yes with a handhold), training to stand up eventually with arms crossed in front of chest. And thirdly it is always a story, we always have a theme, like "walk in the woods" or "visit at the beach" or "day on a farm" or something along those lines. We've bent down collecting mushrooms, we've tied ropes together to get across a rope bridge across a chasm in the mountains, we've nibbled on prunes after harvesting a field of potatoes and cut hay with a scythe. All imaginary of course, and yes sometimes dementia is a limiting factor. But it is a lot of fun, and this week 3 of my participants stood up for the first time, arms crossed, no help, no hands. And we only started in January.

* I am active in the Kreisturnverband. One of these days I have to properly translate that. And getting voted into the board of that is a huge deal and scary but I do believe I can help out a lot there.

That is the professional side of me. You know, what people from the outside see.

* I am a mother of two boys, 7 and 14. Both with their own struggles.
The little one started school last summer and he has bouts of anxiety about things. That may just be normal growing up stuff, but he does need me to hold his hand a lot right now. Part of it is that he, of course, even though he can't say what is scary all the time, he can feel the things that are going on, and it makes him not always happy.
The older boy is hit by puberty, and psycho-somatic tummy aches. He's got headaches, diarrhea and vomiting occasionally too, but the tummy aches are consistent. He's also too heavy for his height and socially awkward, like we all know, so he struggles. But we did try therapy, that did not have the results we were hoping for and the constant feeling of "no one can help me" ate away at him. We had an appointment in a clinic where he would stay 4-6 weeks and get the help he needs.
First though he is interning/shadowing for a week in the IT department of the city we live in, then after that, this Sunday, he will go to France for a student exchange programme and even though he barely speaks a word of French. And once he is back home with us (28th) we will talk with the clinic and make an appointment for when he goes into the clinic.

* Hubby and I are happily married, will have been for 15 years next week on March 21st. We had our struggles in the past but we started being honest about needs and desires some years ago, and communication saved our marriage. He works full-time as a clerk in the bookshop in central station here in town, but because it's a train station and they have long hours he and all his colleagues work in weird shifts. The shifts repeat on loop every 4 weeks, but still it is shift work.
This week it's Mon-Sun early-off-late-late-off-early-early.
Next week it's going to be early-off-middle-middle-late-late-off.
And yes, I almost always have to look it up. But oftentimes so does he.

* Creatively I am all over the place, I have bouts of knitting, spinning, rarely crochet, I bujo, I draw and paint, sometimes there's arts&crafts, last autumn I made a lantern for the little one, and painted Xmas cards and gave them to charity. It all sounds very official and like I have a plan, I don't. Currently I stress-knit a lot. I visited my doctor and got a transfer to psycho therapy. Now I just have to find a therapist I can stand on the human level who has capacity to take me on. I have winter depression, when it is darker out there I decline towards depression. I have a daylight lamp, and it helps. I got it handled, but as I had to learn last winter sometimes, you take care of yourself perfectly, you dot all the i's and cross all the t's and shit happens anyway.
So with all the stress for my professional life, and the kids and all that, I do need support, some proper strategies for better burnout-prevention and stress management and someone to tell me it'll be okay, and how I do well, and to point me where I do need to work.

Because I am stressed to breaking some times and it has to stop. And I worry about the kid, and I need someone, who knows what he is going through, to hold my hand and coach me on how to help him... and especially how to not make it worse for him because I worry and fret too much.

So that's me in a nutshell. I think I will do a grading system this time around so I post more often and more consistently, while reducing the wallposts to occasional ones.
When I post, and I post on and off, when I do talk about the things on my plate, I tend to type and type and type, that takes a long while to write as well as to read... And I do enjoy reading about you all, and as my search for a therapist suggest, I have a need to talk about shit, but I also want to get things done, so there has to be a balance.

I am in the last 70 pages of this current journal, and I think I will buy another one, use the one hubby gave me the other day, for board meetings and work stuff, and get the copper coloured one I really really want to have for myself for personal bujo-ing. Yes I will continue to log my appointments in my journal, but I think, work is quite involved, especially with being voted onto the board and all that. I think, not having to search through shopping lists and doodles to find notes from meetings will be beneficial, because even with an index (and I am not very good with my indexes i admit), it is borderline impossible. And it would look less unprofessional. Which is to be considered.

For this challenge I will make a checklist of things I want to do daily, weekly and one-off and I will post here and with a photo of the bujo page, and maybe I will make a copy/paste thing that I can just fill out at the end of the day. Be patient with me, I have to learn to be as well.

I am unhappy about my weight, I am obese class one, at 95kg to 165cm of height. I need to log my food and make good choices about satiety.

So stay tuned for knitting pictures, maybe some food porn (no promises), therapy talk, kids, and bujo goodness. And for the easter weekend hubby and I have booked grandma to take the kids and will go hiking. A 10k or something, just a bit of soaking up the rays and looking at green things. For the soul, you know.


If you have read all the way through to down here, you are more amazing than anyone has a right to be! Thank you.


TL'DR Morag is stressing over all the things: being board member, being trainer, being mom, kid going into clinic, weight going anywhere but down, stress knitting is a thing and there will be some form of checklist setup for this coming month.



With Love

Katrin

---

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.
-- Charles de Lint

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6 hours ago, Morag said:

For this challenge I will make a checklist of things I want to do daily, weekly and one-off and I will post here and with a photo of the bujo page, and maybe I will make a copy/paste thing that I can just fill out at the end of the day. Be patient with me, I have to learn to be as well.

All of what you share above is so lovely.  But this ^ really caught my eye.  I am trying to come up with something like this for myself and the family, but I'm not so artistic an you.  I am so looking forward to seeing what you come up with...  

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12 hours ago, Morag said:

I am unhappy about my weight, I am obese class one, at 95kg to 165cm of height. I need to log my food and make good choices about satiety.

.....

If you have read all the way through to down here, you are more amazing than anyone has a right to be! Thank you.
 

 

I read it all!  Yay Amazing Me!

 

I think we have very similar measurements - I may be about 7cm taller, but that's it (if I used the Google conversion correctly).  Yeah, it really does sit there, huh?  Comes on easy, but doesn't like to budge the other way.  We keep trying because it's important to us :) 

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23 hours ago, Morag said:

Casbin! Hey
Yeah, yeah... I am not entirely sure I agree. Not because selfcare is boring, it is not I grant you, but I have been doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...
And I must admit I am a bit bored with myself and my lack of weight loss and physical improvement.

 

Two sides of the same coin, related but not the same.

Being kind to yourself will releave a tiny bit of pressure -> more room to work on habits.

 

You talked about the spiral and your professional side already, I presume this is ok to be said.

When you pushed me over here you were a fulltime mom and housewife, now you did do a OCR, got your C-license and are teaching classess twice a week; that is a big transition.

You placed your focus there and are going back to splitting your attention, it will work, YOU will make it happen.

 

I'm looking forward to see what you are cooking up, see you soon.

 

My playlist just prompted me to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZafNu7ORXI

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On 3/15/2018 at 4:41 AM, Morag said:

My challenge is starting to form in my head, it is all very exciting. And though I am semi-bored with all the same terrain where I am here mentally, I do see that I traverse my life by a spiral road, yes the view may be indistinguishably similar, but the road under my feet is by far not the same as it was.

 

Love this! Not boring at all.

 

On 3/15/2018 at 4:41 AM, Morag said:

he will go to France for a student exchange programme and even though he barely speaks a word of French

 

I vaguely remember that the second part is his own fault! Can remember if he decided not to take French class this year or refused to study, or what, but it was at least partly his own decision. I hope he has a fantastic time anyway!

 

I'm glad your husband thought to buy you a journal, even if it wasn't the one you most wanted. And I'm glad you are getting the one you really want. Those journals are obviously special to you.

 

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Leaving to take the kid to the bus for the trip to France. Adrenaline systems online.

 

 

 

ETA Kid got onto the bus fine, he's going to be fine. He promised.

 

---

 

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.

-- Charles de Lint

 

 

 

 

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The Kid has urvived the 20h bus ride and even seen the outside of Versailles. He said he is feeling okay-ish and on the question of everyone being nice to him, he said yes.
Apart from that, he doesn't have the patience to tell his mom how he is doing, but I am guessing that is normal teenager behaviour. Le sigh.

Apart from that the day was nice, not warm-warm yet, but definitely an improvement over the weekend's storm/almost-blizzard. Sunshine was soaked up and I even took my coat off for 5 mins or so.

The little one has "I'm not going to school!" days more often right now. Brother gone, main teacher sick, schedule out of whack, things are I turmoil and he has to cope somehow, so he tries to blackmail and pressure me. That's okay. But I admit it is tiring.

For the first time in FOREVER I have no major things going on. Hubby, little boy and I had Raclette for dinner, bit of impromptu deliciousness. I walked a whooping 19000+steps today. Had a café visit and chat with dear@Casbin, tried on workout shirts and got appreciative looks and compliments from hubby, followed hubby around when he made an appointment for new ID thing in town hall, and picked up the kid after school, also together.

I EVEN GOT A 2H NAP IN.
BOOOYAAAHH!

So, yes, I am looking at my long term goals and onto what I want to focus my attention. It is a difficult area to navigate right now, and I have no decisions made yet. But I have a feeling pushups will be a part of it. And a list of saved up meals... stock meals so to speak, to make logging easier.
And smile practice. As you can see: I need to whittle this down some more, having consistently too much on my plate and all, but I am looking at it.

Now it's bedtime for the little rascal and 7days2die for hubby and me. Valmod, it's tough, but fun, I need to get sh*t done so I can learn to make concrete, that's the next goal...

Anyway. You be goot.f692ac125fbb4bf165b13d3e31d9b1eb.jpgd45605e1b09f0ab0d88fb1a20b7a06c4.jpg

---

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.
-- Charles de Lint

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beautiful! what a fun but very busy life.

calm goals seem sensible to me.

 

as far as self-care goes. this is ofc extraordinarily important; if you don't take care of yourself; who then does- with all the people look to you for strength?

 

so then the only question is how to do this... and please know you have our support in whatever way seems right to you.

 

 

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Gahhh!! Can't believe I am doing it again. It's been seven days since I last posted here! So not cool!

It's been a hell of a week, but I got some rest and that's really nice. I even saw my two best friends, one Friday and one Saturday evening, both for a movie and a chat, was really nice.

And hubby and I got a lovely Sunday, slept in, played MW:O and 7 days for hours, ordered food from hubby's favourite Greek place, watched Lucifer season 3 and went to bed semi-on-time. I even did a short yoga thing in the morning (extra credits door my owls) and hung up laundry... so there.

I have a half-full week ahead of me, but I am looking forward to that actually.

Excerpt from my to do list:
* call therapists - find one for me
* teach Monday morning LMB class
* teach Tuesday evening Fitness Class
* last day of school before Easter break is Wednesday.
* Thu: get kids to grandma's
* Thu: get the car and bring mum home
* Fri: teach LMB class
* Fri: catchup with hubby, finalize weekend plans
* Sat: drive out for a hike
* Sat: enjoy the day with hubby (hike)
* Sun: family day at in-laws' house

* Mon: teach LMB class
* Mon: get car to mum's and spend the day with her and the kids (hubby has late shift)

* bonus: start reading one of three fantasy novels
* bonus: leaf through one of two non-fiction books, decide to keep(=read) or let go

I have no idea when to buy groceries or silly stuff like that, but I'll figure it out, I always do.


I don't think I'm closer to a proper quick-list... or at least not that much closer... but hubby and I are thinking about a 30day challenge... the ones darebee has are awesome.
Last time I tried my hand at the ab challenge I just barely finished level one and a few days of level two before I dropped it again. And I do need to do something daily, just a small something that makes me feel like I am doing something, and hubby and I competing, yeah, that'll keep me on track. I'd rather be doing something push up related, but maybe I'll stick to one thing for a while.

So far from me, I will try posting once more before the weekend.

---

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.
-- Charles de Lint

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I am definitely a ranger. I have so. Much. Trouble just picking one of the exams this week again. #allzethinks_allzetime
 
I am to teach Tuesday night's class again, so in addition to the usual strength stuff I will offer agility, ground work, and almost ground exercises, and definitely some creative locomotion....
 
And yes, there will be vera verta on the side, because reasons. In addition I have a long(er) hike planned for the weekend so in preparation I shall do stretchy-move-y-things for legs, hips (walkin') and shoulders (backpack), may even think this through and post about it on my thread or here.... possibly.
 
 
(Training: tue+thu, work (my own class):mon+fri, hike sat.)
I know, right?! Wednesday is the only day I will not spend in workout clothes, apart from after-hike-Sunday, so there... I am cray-cray.
---
 
Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.
-- Charles de Lint
 




It turns out, I am not so good with "taking things slow" or "keeping things easy"... :facepalm:

---

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.
-- Charles de Lint

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0/1 Drink one bottle of water.
0/1 Knit one row. Tea is optional.
0/1 I do the darebee challenge to keep up with hubby.
0/1 I log at least one meal - no perfection required.
0/1 I eat something good - anything good.
0/1 I adult at least one thing.

0/1 I put water out for the next day.
0/1 I plan a snack or breakfast or lunch for the next day.
0/1 I sleep.

This is my preliminary check list... let's see how it goes.

For yesterday:
?/1 Drink one bottle of water. - no idea, drank multiple partially empty bottles
+/1 Knit one row. Tea is optional. Yes, at least 9 rows, I believe, no tea, but had a latte macchiato in the café by hubby's place of work, while I waited for him.
1/1 I do the darebee challenge to keep up with hubby. - Done.
1/1 I log at least one meal - no perfection required. Done, not perfect, will get used to this.
1/1 I eat something good - anything good. Had fish and pumpkin for dinner
1?/1 I adult at least one thing. Apart from working? I did go and pick hubby up at work and we went grocery shopping, that should count.

0/1 I put water out for the next day.
0/1 I plan a snack or breakfast or lunch for the next day.
0/1 I sleep.

I didn't do any of the prep-next day things, because I hadn't made those up yet, so that's all right. Sleep, I did sleep, but yeahhhhhh




Today I sat my sorry ass down and recalculated my tdee, and damn I hate numbers. God, no, I love math, but you know what I mean. I let math, because I was lazy. I used the tdeecalculator.net website, and there was quite a number of interesting... numbers.

At 95kg current weight, 167cm of height and 34 years of age it throws 1995kcal maintenance at me for sedentary activity level, or 2577kcal for active life. At ~500 kcal deficits that's in the neighborhood of 1500-2000kcal daily energy requirement. With my Garmin, and mfp not on premium, I am stuck to me adding my exercise automatically, so I will ignore the first 500 kcal and eat at 2000 for now.... and Yes, I am aware that I am over-thinking and should not think about limiting, but only about tracking, but I want to be focused and dedicated and lose weight, ffs, yes, no I am annoyed by myself too.

I will breathe and stick to my list up top for now, and we will see where it gets me. If these numbers are close to accurate, it would explain the lack of satiety when eating at 1350+exercise... maybe... but I struggle with food and eating so I'll breathe and try to relax for a bit.

---

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.
-- Charles de Lint

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Tuesday week 2 (is it?)

 

1.5/1 Drink one bottle of water. Though with the sweating it's still not enough.

+/1 Knit one row. Tea is optional. No tea, knit a fair bit, started in on the beads, WHAT WAS I THINKING? 1h+ 11 done 84 to go.

1/1 I do the darebee challenge to keep up with hubby.

2/1 I log at least one meal - no perfection required.

0/1 I eat something good - anything good. Not really.

?/1 I adult at least one thing. Worked. Subbed for my trainer 6:30pm-9pm fitness class with 2v2 volleyball afterwards. Sweaty and beat, but I can't really say that I adulted... maybe I'll hang this basket of laundry tonight, that could count, I folded a handful of things earlier and hanging the drying rack full again, that's one thing, right?

Ok, laundry is up, including my work(out) clothes

 

1/1 I put water out for the next day, purple rubber band

1/1 I plan a snack or breakfast or lunch for the next day. I am struggling to find something snackable in the house, this is such a sad situation. But I put the muffin tray out, and I will make some veggies and eggs tomorrow for snackage/second breakfast. Need to buy peanuts or peanut butter and seasoning schtuff soonest. Must remember.

?/1 I sleep. It's 10 pm through and I have not yet eaten, I was 2000kcal below my caloric goal, after factoring in the workout and even with the 500kcal grace range that just won't do. Could be healthier choices, but for tonight it is pizza baguettes and there is that. Ending the day at 909kcal below goal, 409 after reducing for grace. That's what I'll have to live with -not tracking perfectly, not hitting all the notes- consistency and direction. Not perfectionism.

 

Edited. Now food. Then bed

---

 

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.

-- Charles de Lint

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Anything laundry related is 4893210380% most definitely adulting.
Sometimes it takes a bit for me to notice what I did do and such...
Nice conquering of the lists :-)
Thanks dear. ;-)


Wednesday
1.3/1 Drink one bottle of water.
!/1 Knit one row. Not finished a row, but spent all day grinding and beading, it takes quite a while, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
1/1 I do the darebee challenge to keep up with hubby. Done before bed.
3/1 I log at least one meal - no perfection required. Done. Pretty thorough.
2/1 I eat something good - anything good. Made a smoothie for breakfast. And veggie-egg-thingies for snackage.
1/1 I adult at least one thing. Been a good parent and picked kid and suitcase up. France was great, I hear.

1/1 I put water out for the next day.
1/1 I plan a snack or breakfast or lunch for the next day. Smoothie again, and leftover egg-thingies.
1/1 I sleep. In bed by 9pm and not an overly early morning. Kids on Easter break, will bring them to my in-laws tomorrow.



---

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.
-- Charles de Lint

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5 hours ago, Morag said:

!/1 Knit one row. Not finished a row, but spent all day grinding and beading, it takes quite a while, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

 

I love the use of the exclamation point in your scoring system!

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I love the use of the exclamation point in your scoring system!
The knitting thing, yes, maybe I should switch to an easier WIP... but I have a feeling if I do that I won't ever finish this... And I am almost halfway through (after 2 full days working on it in between gaming.... it's only 95 beads... I can do this... next time I use beads for anything I must remember to buy beads that my teeny tiny crochet hook fits into... or at least a sewing needle, these are just too tiny!!

Threading sewing thread around stitch, threading thread through bead, pull bead onto stitch, put stitch back onto needle, pick up any dropped stitches (again), make sure yarnover is in place, knit beaded stitch, repeat. x95
But as I said I am almost halfway, at least more that 2/5, through... And I only upended the bead jar the once and all the beads were good little beads and stayed on the desk waiting to be put back into the teeny tiny jar.

It's all good, I can do this. I am doing this.

Thinking about more beads on the frill, and why would I? and about how much frill I want... That's the fun part about designing something as you go: options!

Anyway first day of Easter break. It looks like a winter wonder land out there and it is still snowing, what the actual..., hubby and I have hiking plans for Saturday...

Anyway. So much from me, staying in bed longer and sorting out the spreads for my new bujo and being all lazy and relaxed. Then driving around in the snow and getting the kids places and rarara, we'll see how that goes.b17c51bf4e764b0cfdf5bcd430906986.jpg

---

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.
-- Charles de Lint

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Hahah I'm glad you have good little beads to work with XD

 

The snow looks so pretty!

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Thursday:
2/1 Drink one bottle of water.
!/1 Knit one row. Tea is optional. No tea, but I did bead to the middle of the shawl, and I started on a swatch 5 patterns wide to try out how the border will look. I increased to 200% stitches, and it does look kinda dull, but I need to finish 36 rows of border to get to the end of one pattern, so it takes a while to be able to see how it will look. Entirely not sure. May have to double stitches again to have the amount of grill I'd like... I'll finish a bit more on the swatch and then I'll decide.
1/1 I do the darebee challenge to keep up with hubby. Thursday was restday: 20 of everything. Easy.
3/1 I log at least one meal - no perfection required. Quite thorough again, though I have no idea what the sweets are worth...
1/1 I eat something good - anything good. Had another delicious smoothie.
1/1 I adult at least one thing. Groceries again. Plus driving the kids to grandma's and all of that and yeahhhh...

1/1 I put water out for the next day. Purple rubberband again.
2/1 I plan a snack or breakfast or lunch for the next day. There's leftover egg thingies, there's more smoothie ingredients and there's a roast to be baked up when I am done at work.
0.5/1 I sleep. Sleep was had, eventually. In bed early, lots of talking and things going on, sleep was had before midnight but barely.




Friday. So today I'll work, I'll cook a bacon wrapped pork roast for myself, (forgot to buy mushrooms :sad panda: ... ) and eventually hubby and will hang out and possibly even plan out the Saturday.

Saturday will come and go. We may go hiking, or do something else.

Sunday we'll pick up my mum, hit the first flea market of the season, and then drive out to hubby's parents' and spend Easter with the fam.

Monday I work (in the a.m.), hubby has late shift, and life is back to normal, kinda.


That's my plan so far.
Hope you have a wonderful, interesting and blessed Easter.


With love
Katrin

---

Stay strong. Dream true. Walk tall.
-- Charles de Lint

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