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Bean Sidhe

Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos - The do-over

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First off, a bit about me for those just joining us.

 

Spoiler

I am a mom to 2 Agents of Chaos (Eldest and Youngest), and 3 fur agents (Agent Black (kitten), Agent Feline (older cat) and Agent K9 (dog)). I am married and I work part time. I also go to college while being that mom that helps at the school and is the first one teachers call when they need something. I garden and could almost call it homestead somewhat with canning food to last the year.

Things are not easy sometimes (most of the time). I am trying to balance everything while still maybe finding something for me in the process. I am learning to try and juggle all the things while still helping here at home. There is no "go to the gym" time with kids in activities 4 nights a week and my work and schoolwork. The semester has started, and the chaos and time spent studying has increased more than I expected.

I don’t always do things the easy way, I don’t always make the best choices, and please remember, while I have more flaws than anyone here will know, I am doing the best I can with what I have. Lately, I have been feeling uprooted/unbalanced and it’s affected more than a few things. It’s not a sense of not knowing me, not being in touch with myself, but more a disconnection from my surroundings. I am struggling to find a balance between all the things I do and all the people I interact with.  Some days, the balance is easier to find, other days, I am fairly certain I have landed on my face. Especially since the universe has been throwing some really random and large things my way of late.

Long term goals: Return to a more balanced feeling, Get healthy, Have more energy, Have quality time with my family, get control of the chaos so It’s less chaos, and either avoid or learn to handle the rocks being thrown at me better.

 

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The chaos won last round and I lost my path. I was doing good, I was on the road to doing what i needed to be doing, then the homework got screwy, then I got sick. Sicker than I have been in years, and then when I was well enough to get back to school, I was still so tired, I just never got to back to the challenge. Somewhere in all of that, I stepped off the path, then walked farther and farther away, until the path was gone, and while the snow is finally melting, I am still lost.


The fact I still feel... ungrounded/uncentered isn't helping. Too many things got pushed to the "do later" list and now, the list seems unfixable. However, I can't live here. I need to get back to being me. I need to feel like I am in control of SOMETHING somewhere and that starts with me. I need to be involved with the Agents and Hubby,  and my family. I need to feel like Mom again, not like the lady that drives places and then gives up.

There are still things I can't fix or stop. I need to be realistic with that. But I need my energy back, I need my strength back. My back started acting up earlier this week and it hasn't been like this in MONTHS. The stretching, the exercises need to happen.

So step one is to get this up. Step 2: to get my spreadsheet together, Step 3: get my dragon bullet journal out. Step 4: start facing the world.  I may do a part B list, I may not. I have no idea what even needs done, or where we are besides living day to day, sometimes hour to hour, trying to figure out what the next thing will be.

This challenge is all about Finding Bean Sidhe. Finding the scary warrior woman I know is in there, and start looking for my path. The path to where I want to be. No more whining or crying or letting the stress win. Time to do this. All I hope, is that it will happen, and I don't give up entirely.

My goals are fairly the same, except I brought my soak up the sun back. Its finally getting nice enough to do this, and it may help the anxiety over doing all the things.


 

Life and Family (6.5 pts)

·         Spend time with Agents (1pt)I need time with the Agents. They miss time with me, and they are getting so big.

·         Plan (1pt) – Our lives need a plan. What needs done, and what else can get done every day. Time to get back to that.

·         Be in bed by 11:30 each night(1pt) – Because apparently I need sleep. Or at least that is what I am told.

·         One Good Thing (1pt) – I need to remember to see the good even in the worst of days. This will help me see it.

·         Soak Up the Sun (1 pt) - This is as simple as sit outside for just a few minutes and try to find some peace. The garden will be waking up and it always helps to just sit outside and enjoy it.

·         Check Seedlings and plants (1/2 pt) – The houseplants need love, and I need to get seeds going to be ready for spring. It doesn’t take much, but a few minutes a day will help

·         Check Kermit list (1 pt) – This is something new to hopefully combat the anxiety I now admit to having. I am trying to keep a little notebook with me and whenever I start to worry about the to do list, or I think of something that needs done right now, I can write it down. Then nightly Hubby and I will sit down and add it to the master list and see if there is anything Hubby can do for me.

Walking (3.5 pts)

·         10,500 steps (1pt) – I was doing okay, then this backslide hit and I haven’t hit goal in too long. I need to hit goal to feel better and I sleep better when I hit goal.

·         Walk 15 minutes every day (1pt) – I need some sort of cardio. It can be outside or on the treadmill, but dedicated walking time needs to be a thing.

·         Walk to Mordor (1/2 pt) – I really need to up my distance a day here or the ring will never get to Mt. Doom. It’s a stupid easy goal, but I need to add my mileage in and it’s something that is a good “that’s done” goal

Strength (2 pts)

·         New strength exercise (1pt) – Knee to elbows I am hoping to try this new exercise on top of my others each day. My plan is to aim for 30 (15 per side).

·         Continue other exercises (1pt)  Only works if I keep it up and the goal I hope to reach.

o   sit ups – 50

o   reverse sit ups – 30

o   leg lifts 50

o   pushups.   30

o   Balance ball push ups – 30

Flexibility (3 pts)

·         New stretch (1pt) –   Standing forward with hands clasped and shoulder stretch/sitting fix darebee  – I have been having some really bad shoulder pain due to stress and work and computer time, I am hoping this will help. And hopefully all of this will help my back as well.

·       Continue other stretches (1pt) I need to do these daily, they do help

o   Butterfly

o   Ballet bar (with the half wall)/ Toe touch

o   Wrist extension,

o   2 Yoga (dog, child)

o   Meditating Groot

Fighting Chaos (3 pts)

·         At least 5 minutes in at least one room (1pt) one of the larger battles to declutter the world around me. It’s slow, but it’s showing signs of progress.

o   Computer room,

o   bedroom

o   basement

·         Keep current surfaces clean (1pt)- This keeps working so keep it up

o   Island and peninsula,

o   bathroom up sink

o   bathroom down sink

o   my desk

o   Half wall

·         New cleaning spot (1pt) Dresser in our bedroom – This has been becoming a new catchall spot and I am tired of fearing for the cats climbing on it, time to keep it clean.

Fueling the body (3 pt)

·         Eat at least one of each every day 1 pt

o   dried apricots – for potassium

o   bananas  - For potassium

o   yogurt  - for my stomach

o   at least 1 serving of veggies

·         No eating after dinner 1 pt – This is to curb the late night snack and then crash when I wasn’t really that hungry to begin with. Time to knock this habit back out

·        Drink 120 oz of water a day. 1 pt – I feel better doing this (and I forgot a point)

·         Cut back tea bottles (expensive and too much caffeine) 2 a day (1pt) – I have been getting bad. I am not drinking water like I should be, and its showing. I need to go back to water and let tea be a special thing.

 

Here is to hoping that now that spring is beginning to arrive, I can get out of the creepy forest and into a much nicer/friendlier one

I am starting today, If I don't post my daily updates, nudge me. Otherwise, I will just blow it off.

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I'm not dead! ;)

 

And I still think you're awesome.  We all get dragged off course sometimes and your perseverance here despite the many many attacks of life inspires us all.

 

Anyway I'm back for this challenge and I'll be following along ready to nudge when needed. :)

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On 3/15/2018 at 1:42 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

One Good Thing (1pt) – I need to remember to see the good even in the worst of days. This will help me see it.

·         Soak Up the Sun (1 pt) - This is as simple as sit outside for just a few minutes and try to find some peace. The garden will be waking up and it always helps to just sit outside and enjoy it.

·         Check Seedlings and plants (1/2 pt) – The houseplants need love, and I need to get seeds going to be ready for spring. It doesn’t take much, but a few minutes a day will help

 

Mr. Butternut and I were talking about that yesterday. Catching yourself when being negative. You know you have a choice not to worry, get angry, etc., but when your in the moment you kind of... forget.

 

Sunshine, Gardening, seeds OH MY! I’m so excited! Next challenge you and I should post picture of our garden!

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On 3/15/2018 at 6:42 PM, RevQu said:

I'm not dead! ;)

 

REV--- I am so happy to see you. I will go follow you in a second. I missed you.

 

On 3/15/2018 at 6:42 PM, RevQu said:

And I still think you're awesome.  We all get dragged off course sometimes and your perseverance here despite the many many attacks of life inspires us all.

 

Thanks, I am glad someone deos. I got knocked around so bad last challenge, I am not going to lie, giving up did (and still does) sounds like a good idea. which is not helping since the lack of doing things to make me healthy does give me one less thing to stress about. Not sure I inspire anything, but thank you. I will try to remember that.

 

On 3/15/2018 at 6:42 PM, RevQu said:

Anyway I'm back for this challenge and I'll be following along ready to nudge when needed. :)

 

Glad you are back> I will need the nudges. I just missed day one so on to today. Right?

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22 hours ago, Casbin said:

Just saying that I will be here for watching your heroic organisational skills.
If you talk chaos it's real.

 

I wouldn't call them heroic organizational skills. More like controlling organizational skills. I am trying to fight the chaos, which means getting things back under control. I have to have all the hats on, not just one or two.

Thanks for the support. I appreciate you being here.

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19 hours ago, Butternut said:

 

Mr. Butternut and I were talking about that yesterday. Catching yourself when being negative. You know you have a choice not to worry, get angry, etc., but when your in the moment you kind of... forget.

 

Its not just catching the being negative. Some days, my depression only sees the bad things that happens. Forcing myself to find one good thing, something that still happens no matter the other stuff and no matter how small, reminds me there is good too. These are to combat the anxiety by just taking a minute to be outside and recharge and to combat the depression that well..

 

32bdab12b66158c6d6290d7f81a7ae11.jpg

 

19 hours ago, Butternut said:

Sunshine, Gardening, seeds OH MY! I’m so excited! Next challenge you and I should post picture of our garden!

 

That would be awesome. The seedlings are doing so well in the front room. Sadly, Youngest's Agents Sparkle purple peppers are not starting, but I just put new seeds in so hopefully that helps.  IT will be so nice when I can just go outside and get food that is good for me. What are you growing this year.

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Description

3/15/2018

Knee to Elbows

0

Leg lifts

15

sit ups

10

Reverse sit ups

5

Push ups

0

Balance Ball push ups

0

Wrist Extension Stretch

n

Upward dog/Child pose

n

Meditating Groot

n

Butterfly

n

Ballet/toe Touch

n

Sitting Fix/Shoulder stretch

n

Soak up the sun

Y

Spend time with Agents

y

Plan

n

Be in bed by 11:30

y

One good thing

Y

Check seedlings

y

Update Kermit list

n

Pennisula/Island

y

Table / Half wall

y

Desk

y

Bathroom up

n

Bathroom down

n

Bedroom

y

Computer room

y

Basement

y

Clean our dresser

y

Walk 10500 steps

6,392

Walk 15 minutes a day

y

Walk to Mordor

y

No eating after dinner

n

< 3 bottles of tea

y

Eat Yogurt Daily

n

Eat Bananas Daily

y

Eat dried Apricots

y

1 serving of veggies

n

120 oz of water

n

 

Total points for day 10.7

Total points for challenge 10.7/20

3-15

One good thing; Partially cleaned out the herb bed and the flower bed

Time with agents: Cuddles with sick agent

The first day of the challenge went okay. I was relaxed, even with a getting sick Agent and I cleaned out the herb bed in the front of the house because it was nice nad I wanted to sit out there. Honestly, I forgot I had started the challenge later in the day, so not as much got done as I wanted, I wish I did better, yes. but after being off the horse for so long, forgetting to get on again is a bit hard.

But I need to do better.

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Description

3/16/2018

Knee to Elbows

0

Leg lifts

10

sit ups

25

Reverse sit ups

10

Push ups

0

Balance Ball push ups

0

Wrist Extension Stretch

n

Upward dog/Child pose

n

Meditating Groot

n

Butterfly

n

Ballet/toe Touch

n

Sitting Fix/Shoulder stretch

n

Soak up the sun

y

Spend time with Agents

y

Plan

n

Be in bed by 11:30

y

One good thing

y

Check seedlings

y

Update Kermit list

n

Pennisula/Island

n

Table / Half wall

n

Desk

n

Bathroom up

n

Bathroom down

n

Bedroom

y

Computer room

n

Basement

n

Clean our dresser

y

Walk 10500 steps

7901

Walk 15 minutes a day

y

Walk to Mordor

y

No eating after dinner

y

< 3 bottles of tea

y

Eat Yogurt Daily

n

Eat Bananas Daily

y

Eat dried Apricots

y

1 serving of veggies

n

120 oz of water

y

 

 

Total points for day 12.1

Total points for challenge 22.8/40

 One good thing: I got a good start on my Extra credit assignment for my midterm

Time with Agents: Stardew Valley time where Youngest Agent helped name a new cow.

This day was slightly better challenge wise. It wasn't rock star level, but it was better than the day before. However, I am starting to get sick. Last night, I started coughing really bad and getting some wheezing when I cough. not horrid, but I am trying to not let it get a good hold. Part of why challenge ended when it did was I went to bed early. I need to do better, but that also involves not coughing up a lung when I try to do anything.

I feel like I am letting myself off easy, and I should be mad at myself. I need to stop excuses and start doing something. Ugh, I dunno. Time to keep moving forward.

 

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I don't think you're letting yourself off easy.  Take time when you're sick or you get sicker and get further off your path.  Resting is ok, just get back at it when you're able!

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On 3/15/2018 at 1:42 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

This challenge is all about Finding Bean Sidhe. Finding the scary warrior woman I know is in there, and start looking for my path. The

Just want to chime in to say that even if you look for yourself and find the warrior woman isn't there anymore, she's someone else, that's okay! People and their priorities change, as long as you find someone you are happy and proud to be that's all that matters.

 

Your goals are so epic! Following!

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That is taking care of yourself, that's not slacking.

Who is going to control the chaos advancement if you are going down?

I've been seeing a trend there in your statistics; you'll grind your way in if you can keep sickness away

See you soon
Casbin

Send from mobile

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Can I first say, THANK YOU ALL, for the lift up> I didn't think anyone would respond to this. Thank you all for following and cheering.

 

10 hours ago, RevQu said:

I don't think you're letting yourself off easy.  Take time when you're sick or you get sicker and get further off your path.  Resting is ok, just get back at it when you're able!

 

Thanks, I kinda did, (update in a minute). it was a weird weekend and yeah, I am officially sick. "Sorry, dead, try agian later" but Breathing isn't a given all the time at the moment. But I got the important things done.

 

10 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

Just want to chime in to say that even if you look for yourself and find the warrior woman isn't there anymore, she's someone else, that's okay! People and their priorities change, as long as you find someone you are happy and proud to be that's all that matters.

Thank you. No, I know she is in there. I see her in my more stubborn moments. When I was that warrior, the Bean Sidhe, I was strong, I had confidence, I wasn't afraid or anxious or scared no one liked me. I may not get back to thin part of her, but I want to get back to where I felt okay being me. That is who I was then (Maybe without the hot head.. I could live without the Bean Sidhe rages).

Ideally, the more nurturing side of me and her will find a way to work together and make me not better, but what I hope to become.  But for right now, I am going to try. Thats all I can do.

 

10 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

Your goals are so epic! Following!

 

I don't see epic. I see, Tuesday. but thanks for the follow. The support is huge.

 

9 hours ago, Casbin said:

That is taking care of yourself, that's not slacking.

Who is going to control the chaos advancement if you are going down?

I've been seeing a trend there in your statistics; you'll grind your way in if you can keep sickness away emoji6.png

 

Taking care of myself is still kinda new. Its a bit weird actually. But after the flu I had 2 weeks ago (3?) I will take it a bit easy to stop going down like that.

Chaos is sneaky man. You give it an inch, 30 miles down the road your still playing catch up. You can't let your guard down. Fortunately, I put in a good sub (hubby) who kept it back mostly.

The trend ended over the weekend. New start today, and Already doing better than I was.

 

2 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Bean you are storm!
PsPxp7
You control the uncontrollable, chaos.
I do wonder how exhausting can it be though. I hope you will allow chaos to drive you sometimes :)

 

I wouldn't say the storm. But thank you.

I don't think I control Chaos. Although now I keep thinking of myself as Dr. Horrible. 5062b2d8f02e4f29d382bcf4e76b933d.jpg

 

Basically, hes a wannabe supervillan that doesn't do very well at it. One of my favorite songs is the one where he thinks he is actually winning and he talks about how society is falling apart, and he will run everything,  which actually says " . Heroes are over with. Look at him – not a word. Hammer, meet nail. Then I win – then I get. Everything I ever. All the cash – all the fame. And social change. Anarchy – that I run. " (http://drhorrible.com/dr-horrible-lyricsliner-notes/slipping/) But through it all, hes too worried about the girl he likes seeing him finally kill the superhero (who is a jerk). Its a Nathan fillion/Josh Wedon/Neil Patrick Harris/Felicia day Web Series.

Now, I am singing all of it. Excuse me while I fall down a Youtube hole.

 

 

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Maybe one day I should do a Dr. Horrible Challenge... Anyway... Focus...

 

Ooh, soundtrack for the post...



Over the weekend, I  fell completely off challenge. To the point of just doing a restart. Mostly because my midterm was Sunday and  I was a bit stressed out over it. I mean it plus final is 50% of my grade in that class.  Although the best part of the weekend was I was studying for the midterm and Youngest Agent wanted to learn how to convert from Decimal (base 10) to Octal (base 8) to Hexadecimal (base 16) to Binary (base 2). That was fun because she really understood it and it made her so proud.

So today is a new start.  (Will be good and not post a link to A Brand new day. (okay, not that good)  )

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Can I first say, THANK YOU ALL, for the lift up> I didn't think anyone would respond to this. Thank you all for following and cheering.
 
 
I wouldn't say the storm. But thank you.

I don't think I control Chaos. Although now I keep thinking of myself as Dr. Horrible. 5062b2d8f02e4f29d382bcf4e76b933d.jpg
 
Basically, hes a wannabe supervillan that doesn't do very well at it. One of my favorite songs is the one where he thinks he is actually winning and he talks about how society is falling apart, and he will run everything,  which actually says " . Heroes are over with. Look at him – not a word. Hammer, meet nail. Then I win – then I get. Everything I ever. All the cash – all the fame. And social change. Anarchy – that I run. " ([url=]http://drhorrible.com/dr-horrible-lyricsliner-notes/slipping/[/url]) But through it all, hes too worried about the girl he likes seeing him finally kill the superhero (who is a jerk). Its a Nathan fillion/Josh Wedon/Neil Patrick Harris/Felicia day Web Series.

Now, I am singing all of it. Excuse me while I fall down a Youtube hole.

 
 
I I'm not sure if my favourite song is my eyes or laundry day :)
The ending is just so good!!
Yes, I can see you as dr. Horrible, a sweet Billy smashed by life, that wants just their place in the world. Be careful of 'Everything you ever...' though! I am sure you can avoid that :)
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3 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

I I'm not sure if my favourite song is my eyes or laundry day :)
The ending is just so good!!
Yes, I can see you as dr. Horrible, a sweet Billy smashed by life, that wants just their place in the world. Be careful of 'Everything you ever...' though! I am sure you can avoid that :)

 

I was in a girlfriends wedding 2 years ago (almost) and during dinner the DJ played Laundry day. 2/3rds the head table and half the room sang along. Youngest Agent loves Laundry day.

Here is to hoping that the Everything I ever doesn't go that route.

 

Here is to hoping today is less of a smashed day.

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Description

3/19/2018

Knee to Elbows

10

Leg lifts

20

sit ups

30

Reverse sit ups

10

Push ups

10

Balance Ball push ups

5

Wrist Extension Stretch

Y

Upward dog/Child pose

y

Meditating Groot

y

Butterfly

y

Ballet/toe Touch

y

Sitting Fix/Shoulder stretch

y

Soak up the sun

y

Spend time with Agents

y

Plan

y

Be in bed by 11:30

y

One good thing

y

Check seedlings

y

Update Kermit list

y

Pennisula/Island

y

Table / Half wall

y

Desk

y

Bathroom up

y

Bathroom down

y

Bedroom

y

Computer room

y

Basement

y

Clean our dresser

y

Walk 10500 steps

9,537

Walk 15 minutes a day

y

Walk to Mordor

y

No eating after dinner

y

< 3 bottles of tea

y

Eat Yogurt Daily

y

Eat Bananas Daily

y

Eat dried Apricots

y

1 serving of veggies

y

120 oz of water

y

 

Total points for day 19

Total points for challenge 19/20

One good thing:  I got a 97 on my midterm.

Time with Agents:

Cuddles with sick Youngest

 

So yesterday started out weird. Youngest Agent has had this weird cough for a few days, and woke up sobbing yesterday.  The cold finally caught up with her, the problem was that I couldn't be home since I had major stuff going on all week. so we had to call her dad home from his job 30 minutes away, but she didn't want to call him home since it didn't seem fair that he just got there.  I asked if he coudl come home by like 10. He showed up 5 minutes before I had to take Eldest to school which meant I could go to work right after and I got most everything done.

Homework wise: I didn't get much done besides organizing my homework for the week. I now have all my assignments together and I am hoping that it may be a lighter week.

Habit wise, the day went much better. I did get almost everything done. I gave myself the point for walking since I set a timer on my phone and walked laps of the house for 15 minutes instead of playing video games while I was waiting on dinner to get here (dinner broke, this was backup plan). The only one I didn't get was my step goal, and by the time I at dinner at 9:30, I felt horrid and I wanted to get to bed. It did feel good to do my stretches and exercises even if both showed I haven't been doing them and I need to get back at it.

I am still sick, but we are back in the "no more rest, time to go" mode, so this is me, trying to stay with the chaos.

 

Today isn't starting off great (running behind, so morning exercises may not be a thing) but I will try to make them up later.

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11 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I don't see epic. I see, Tuesday. but thanks for the follow. The support is huge.

Well just to let you know, you get more done on a random Tuesday than I do in a full two weeks. :o

 

11 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Although now I keep thinking of myself as Dr. Horrible

Yay for Dr. Horrible Singalong! My fave songs are Freeze Ray and My Eyes.

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Well the good news is yesterday was the 'official' start anyway, so a do-over is totally do-able! ;)

 

Sorry your little one is sick too!  Sending germ-free vibes your way

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7 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

Well just to let you know, you get more done on a random Tuesday than I do in a full two weeks. :o

Don't count yourself short. I am sure you get more done than you think

 

7 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

Yay for Dr. Horrible Singalong! My fave songs are Freeze Ray and My Eyes.

I love this place. I can make Dr. Horrible references and people get it.

 

 

4 hours ago, RevQu said:

Well the good news is yesterday was the 'official' start anyway, so a do-over is totally do-able! ;)

 

Okay, good since I kinda felt like I was cheating a bit. But I needed the "and start" to actually do it.

 

4 hours ago, RevQu said:

Sorry your little one is sick too!  Sending germ-free vibes your way

thanks, She and I are fighting it. Youngest Agent went back to school today. So at least things got better there.

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11 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

o yesterday started out weird. Youngest Agent has had this weird cough for a few days, and woke up sobbing yesterday

 

Poor wittle peanut. :( And your daughter too!! Hehehe

 

bit seriously I hope your both feeling better

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I was in a girlfriends wedding 2 years ago (almost) and during dinner the DJ played Laundry day. 2/3rds the head table and half the room sang along. Youngest Agent loves Laundry day.

Here is to hoping that the Everything I ever doesn't go that route.
 
Here is to hoping today is less of a smashed day.
Who-hoo! Now I want to have been at that wedding too! That must have been a fun one :)
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12 hours ago, Butternut said:

 

Poor wittle peanut. :( And your daughter too!! Hehehe

 

bit seriously I hope your both feeling better

 

Thanks she is better and went to school yesterday. Overall, we both cough still, but its not as bad. I still feel not great, but I should be use to that now. really, I could use a spring break, oh wait, I had mine.

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