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Bean Sidhe

Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos - The do-over

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24 minutes ago, Diadhuit said:

Recovering from food poisoning takes time, and it is easier said than done. Please be gentle with yourself and reassest the challenge (i.e. Throw it out the window if it needs to be)
Sorry that your family is getting sick again, it will pass.
And take the victories where you can, so who cares how you got there, you are now 280 :)

 

 

I know it takes time but I really feel like the exhaustion is coming form lack of food going in. I dunno. I have never been good with the whole "your sick, rest" thing since growing up it was more "take a pill and go to school, I don't care if that was your lung" so I tend to go "I feel well enough to move, so back to full speed". I just look around and go "there is stuff to do, and I am not helping and and None of that is okay"

I am taking the victory, but worrying it won't stay. However, I am so cheering the blood pressure. It wasn't great, but it was enough that I am not messing with my meds. Hopefully I can really get back to things at some point.

This challenge is kinda dead. The do over will become Take 3 I think. Big thing right now is to do something to feel human. Maybe I will just make a list daily of what I did that was challenge and see if I can just add one more thing a day to it. That almost sounds like a plan.

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So In an effort to get back here and feel less like I have given up, my temp challenge as this point is to do what I can and record things that would more than likely give me points in the challenge. its not the challenge, but its something. I will say I felt better overall doing something, but eating is currently a challenge since I just don't want anything so its more a forced eating. I know it won't stay, but I need to find a better medium.

Here is how Friday went

4/6/18:  Today I did:

o   Watered seedlings

o   Updated walking to Mordor

o   Updated mini

o   Cleaned bathroom upstairs sink

o   5 minutes my bedroom (hair ties + kitten = clean it)

o   Cleaned off my desk

o   Cleaned off file cabinet next to desk

o   Found dragon bullet journal

o   ½ bottle of tea

o   Bed before 11:30

o  

60 oz of water

o   Check Nerd fitness

 

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So after the weekend of "this should be a quick like 2 hour job" turning into "ugh, 2 days later"

We got about 2/3rds the problems solved. now we just need to solve one Big one and some small ones. But it is much closer than it was.

And I had about an hour and a half last night where EVERY piece of my homework was done for both classes and I actually didn't have any. It was weird. Thats over now since the homework for this week started coming out overnight.

Here is my weekend in a nutshell. Saturday was kinda sideways and Sunday was coming up with more and more solutions.

 

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For some reason it posted instead of attaching my list. Lets try that again

4/7/18:  Today I did:

o   Update mini

o   Updated Mordor

o   Ballet Bar stretch

o   Toe touches

o   Shoulder fix

o   Soak up sun

o   Clean Island

o   Clean table

o   Clean Pennisula

o   Clean half wall

o   Clean bathroom upstairs sink

o   Nerd Fitness

o  

 

 

4/8/18:  Today I did:

o   Update mini

o   Update Mordor

o   Clean dresser off ours

o   Nerd fitness

o   Ate my banana

o   5 minutes computer room (organizing papers in my to do area)

o   Clean bathroom down sink

o   Clean table

o   Clean Penn

o   Clean half wall

o   Butterfly stretch

o   Shoulder fix

o   Side to side stretch

o   Dog yoga

o   Child yoga

o   Ballet Bar

o   Toe touches

o   Wrist extention stretch

o   Agent time – Playtest mom’s video game homework

o   Bedroom 5 minutes (work on PJ issue

o   1 bottle of tea

o   Clean upstairs bathroom sink

o   Bed by 11:30

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I'm not able to read through all your thread right now but I wanted to drive by and say hello and keep at it! I hope your challenge is going well and if not I just want to remind you that even when you feel like you've veered off the path, it might just mean you're trailblazing. 

 

Get it, Bean! 

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On 4/7/2018 at 1:41 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

So this is my weekend. At least we shouldn't die?

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I love the Martian :)

 

Nice work on trying to get refocused. I feel like that with my challenge this time too ;) 

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23 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

I'm not able to read through all your thread right now but I wanted to drive by and say hello and keep at it! I hope your challenge is going well and if not I just want to remind you that even when you feel like you've veered off the path, it might just mean you're trailblazing. 

 

Get it, Bean! 

 

 

HI Wobbegong

thanks for checking in when you can. The challenge has not gone well at all, but I have a way to work back up to fixing things for next challenge. I am well into the trailblazing "Where am I " state.

 

Thanks for encouragement. I needed the push.

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15 hours ago, Tateman said:

I love the Martian :)

 

Thanks, we started doing what should of been an easy bath vanity switch and it kept having more and more issues, and in the end, we had start solving problems to get it done. At one point, we looked at each other, more  than a bit overwhelmed when we had been without water for 4 hours (original plan said maybe 45 minutes) and just started listing problems then we both started quoting the Martian.

 

15 hours ago, Tateman said:

Nice work on trying to get refocused. I feel like that with my challenge this time too ;) 

Thanks, I am trying. I would love if it would quite snowing, everyone is healthy, and I could start making progress, but there is no point waiting for the perfect time. I am just trying to do something with what I have.

 

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Yesterday I was just tired all day. Tired and I had this weird headache that wouldn't go away. I couldn't even focus on my homework, so I need to make some work up today.  I did a couple of things tho.

4/8/18:  Today I did:

o   Update mini

o   Update Nerd Fitness

o   Update Mordor

o   Deal with pepper issue (started really late but maybe).

o   Clean off dresser

o   Walked to pick up, even with it being cold

o   Clean Island

o   Clean table

o   5 minutes my room

o   0 tea

o   Ate my yogurt

o   Cleaned half wall

o   Bed by 11:30

 

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Overall yesterday went better and worse. Not going to lie, I am tired and worn out. I am going to bed before 11:30 every night lately, but getting up at 5:15 is getting harder nad harder. Plus I am getting these killer headaches and with the lack of energy, I really hope this is not me getting sick again. I don't know how to make myself less tired. I am hoping since I only have about a month of classes back, I can just power through and maybe get some energy back before summer classes start. But really, there are days I don't think that is going to happen.

I do need to work on getting my exercises back on task. I haven't been doing them, but I have been stretching some. Hubby said he thinks I lost weight, but I think thats a given how little I have been eating. I just don't want food. Its kinda annoying. Food just seems "meh" to me lately

 

4/10/18:  Today I did:

o   Update mini

o   Update Nerd Fitness

o   Walked to drop off – took a slightly longer way back

o   Walked tgo pick up – still cold, took a slightly longer way back

o   Ate my yogurt

o   Drank 40 oz water

o   Did not call teacher naught words

o   Made plan this AM

o   5 minutes in my room (removing Youngest Agents stuff from my closet)

o   Ballet Bar stretch

o   Toe touch

o   Butterfly

o   Clean table

o   Clean Pennisula

o   Clean island

o   Clean half wall

o   Clean my desk

o   Wrist extention

o   Hit 10,500 steps

o   Drank 60 oz water

o   Clean bathroom downstairs sink

I only had 2 teas even with the headache

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19 hours ago, PollyannaAgain said:

I'm sorry you're feeling rough! I'm sending some positive vibes your way. *wiggles fingers* :) 

 

Thanks Pollyanna. Its been a rough few weeks.  I am hoping we are over the worst of it.

 

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So yesterday went completely sideways.

Work was crazy. I was late thanks to the kids school, adn then when I got in, the world exploded and no lunch, no siting down, not even a drink of water. Right before I leave, I get a garbled message about Youngest Agent falling and glasses. I called back, she fell, and bent her glasses all up. The secretary got them more straight than not, nad after a trip the eye dr they are mostly straight. however, they said she messes with them again, they will probably break, so time to look at new glasses.  She also started complaining of a headache last night, so I am watching for a concussion (She fell and someone pretty much landed on her and her head)

 

Oh and my homework that was suppose to be posted Monday @ 1pmstill hasn't been. Its Thursday at 7 am. I really hope this isn't due next monday night.

After that and the day I had and a few other things the day was a wash. I got a bit done, but not much.  Honestly, I think just surviving yesterday was a win.

 

4/10/18:  Today I did:

o   Update mini

o   Update Nerd Fitness

o   Update Mordor

o   5 minutes my room

o   Watered seedlings

o   Ate my banana

o   Walked to pick up

o   Walked to drop off

o   Cleaned off my dresser

o   40 oz water

o   Clean off half wall

Hit 10,500 steps

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On 4/11/2018 at 7:39 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

I don't know how to make myself less tired.

You eat. 

 

Tired? Worn out physically and emotionally? Can't pull yourself out of bed? Horrible headaches? Getting sick all the time or not really recovering all the way after being sick? That's your body telling you that it needs more food. And trust me, I know that this is way easier said than done! But it's still the answer. 

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On 4/13/2018 at 6:09 AM, Iceburner said:

Woah, sounds like a really tough day. So kudos to you for surviving that and still get things done. Hope your youngest agent is doing fine.

 

It had been and I was doing okay, then once I got through all of that, I kinda forgot about challenge stuff. Oops. Youngest agent is back to normal, now to hope we can all get back to healthy.

 

18 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

You eat. 

 

Tired? Worn out physically and emotionally? Can't pull yourself out of bed? Horrible headaches? Getting sick all the time or not really recovering all the way after being sick? That's your body telling you that it needs more food. And trust me, I know that this is way easier said than done! But it's still the answer. 

 

This is what i figured. I think I am going to need to go back to making "eat breakfast" and "eat lunch" part of the challenge. I have gotten back to eating before, it took scheduling food and eating, if I wanted it or not. But honestly, its soo much harder when everytime you look at something that  you normally love. something you normally would be all over eating and going 'I don't want that".

So yeah, I have ideas for next challenge. Its going to be a bit rough.

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I guess I can say this challenge was a flop. Not going to lie, Between the constantly sick and tired and the different problems life keeps throwing at us, I just couldn't keep up. Honestly, right now, I just want to say "Oh forget it" and stop caring. Not a joke. I have hit a "this is dumb and a waste of my time, its not helping." I lost more weight in the post food posioning "Food = bad" than from anything else I have done.  Heck, I lost in general. The rest of the time, I just didn't.

I am not going ot lie, this is what part of me wants to do. I want to give up and sit down where I am, or wander aimlessly and just stop caring about if the house ever gets clean, if I ever get to a healthy size.  I feel like I am just too drained mentally, physically, emotionally.
 

that being said, I know I can't. I can't give up, because that's how I get worse, how I end up becoming what some people tell me is inevitable. How I become that family member I have that honestly, I don't want to be.  But worse seems so much easier. Especially when it seems even mother nature is against me since it is SNOWING again.

I am going to have to think. But 3 weeks before finals is a terrible time to try and make big decisions. I dunno.

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Believe me, it gets a lot worse when you don't care at all. I gained over 100lbs back within a year, and it took me like 3 years before I could even get myself to try again. Maybe next challenge try a tiered type challenge goals. Like first week is 4 goals. You complete that, the week 2 you add in another sub set of goals. Continuing that until you are happy with the amount of goals you want. I know it might be "too easy" to start off small, but maybe mentally, it is worth it. It is why I took easier goal coming back to NF. Some challenge, but enough that I should be able to pass and establish the habits I want to be having.

 

Plus, you got those finals to deal with, why not have a more relaxing challenge. Maybe even focus just one goal. 

 

Whatever you decide, I and others will be around to help support :)

 

 

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4 hours ago, Tateman said:

Believe me, it gets a lot worse when you don't care at all. I gained over 100lbs back within a year, and it took me like 3 years before I could even get myself to try again. Maybe next challenge try a tiered type challenge goals. Like first week is 4 goals. You complete that, the week 2 you add in another sub set of goals. Continuing that until you are happy with the amount of goals you want. I know it might be "too easy" to start off small, but maybe mentally, it is worth it. It is why I took easier goal coming back to NF. Some challenge, but enough that I should be able to pass and establish the habits I want to be having.

The smart, logical me agrees with you, the stupid emotional, "Hey we have come so far, we can't fall back to square one now, our pride" is an idiot and argues that we can do it. besides, This means we are farther than we were before the surgery that took me from walking almost 20,000 steps a day to nothing and ruined all my habits. I am better with that, but moving forward is the key.

That being said, I Know I can do this. I have done it before. Heck, even a few challenges ago, I had it under control. then well, the world went sideways, and I lost footing somewhere. 

Plus the dr called today. My blood work came back fine except my bad cholesterol was still okay, but higher than last year, and my potassium was 2 pts under where it needs to be. Again. now, most of that was probably the not eating well since the food poisoning incident, but the dr gave me a month to get the potassium number fixed (stupid BP med not letting me absorb potassium). So eating became a priority, adn I would like to lower the LDL number if I can. Which means, time to get back to work.
 

4 hours ago, Tateman said:

Plus, you got those finals to deal with, why not have a more relaxing challenge. Maybe even focus just one goal. 

 

Actually, I am planning a bit of relaxing after finals. When I can take a day and maybe just sleep and recharge. But for now, the blood test is 1 month from now.  And maybe this is the kick I need to get back to it (well that and it to STOP SNOWING). 

 

So for right now, I am going to try a new challenge. Maybe give it the good old 0 week test (since this is one of those "Bean, are you crazy?" weeks) I got a plan together and I started already. I don't have it posted yet (but I will get there). I took out a few things and gave myself a few easy points. But we will see since this this week we have something just about every night and my family comes into town on Friday for the weekend so I need to get the house ready for 15+ people.  Hopefully I can get the challenge up in the morning. If not later on a study break.

And I think the Part B list needs to come back of all the things I need to do. My brain spins too much otherwise.

 

4 hours ago, Tateman said:

Whatever you decide, I and others will be around to help support :)

 

Thank you, This means so much. I am so far from all those people who do support me, I can get into my own head sometimes. Thank you for the reminder that people are here for me.

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6 hours ago, Tateman said:

Actual spring may start someday! :)

 

That's the rumor.

In unofficial terms. I started the challenge yesterday, but I didn't really push myself. I still got 13.4 out of 20 and that was without pushing myself to do too much, so I may be on the right track.

 

Today, I am going to try a bit harder nad see if I can get 15 (Lets be honest, the type A person in me is shooting for all 20).  I think part of me needs to remember that these points matter too. They may not affect my school grades, but they affect my health grades.

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You've had a really rough month my friend (and let's be honest, there haven't been a ton of 'easy' ones prior).

 

I totally understand feeling so overwhelmed and disillusioned you just don't want to bother anymore.  I have been there many times.

 

Maybe you should spend the next challenge working from a different mind frame.  Like, make your list of things you need to do and work on, and then...don't set fixed goals.  Go battle log style for a few weeks instead as you're dealing with finals and still getting better etc.  Do stuff every day.  Write it down.  Feel good about the fact that you did stuff, and don't sweat the stuff you didn't get to yet.

 

You have so much going on.  I feel like the points system becomes demoralizing when you have a life with so much unexpected stuff that pops up.  You should give yourself a little while to just feel good about how hard you work in ANY GIVEN DAY.  Pat yourself on the back for juggling more than many people could ever handle.  Some time to let the feelings of inadequacy go.

 

This is just my two cents from someone who has been in the same shoes oh so many times.  I have spent the last few weeks on a 'think less, do more' sort of level and I feel so much more relaxed and less stressed, and I'm getting more things done just by leaving the mental baggage somewhere off to the side.

 

i wonder if this makes any sense outside of my head. Lol.

 

If not, at least take this away from my rambling: you're a rockstar, and I admire your efforts greatly.  Life can't stay crazy forever (this is what I tell myself too lol).

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22 hours ago, RevQu said:

You've had a really rough month my friend (and let's be honest, there haven't been a ton of 'easy' ones prior).

 

I totally understand feeling so overwhelmed and disillusioned you just don't want to bother anymore.  I have been there many times.

 

Maybe you should spend the next challenge working from a different mind frame.  Like, make your list of things you need to do and work on, and then...don't set fixed goals.  Go battle log style for a few weeks instead as you're dealing with finals and still getting better etc.  Do stuff every day.  Write it down.  Feel good about the fact that you did stuff, and don't sweat the stuff you didn't get to yet.

 

You have so much going on.  I feel like the points system becomes demoralizing when you have a life with so much unexpected stuff that pops up.  You should give yourself a little while to just feel good about how hard you work in ANY GIVEN DAY.  Pat yourself on the back for juggling more than many people could ever handle.  Some time to let the feelings of inadequacy go.

 

This is just my two cents from someone who has been in the same shoes oh so many times.  I have spent the last few weeks on a 'think less, do more' sort of level and I feel so much more relaxed and less stressed, and I'm getting more things done just by leaving the mental baggage somewhere off to the side.

 

i wonder if this makes any sense outside of my head. Lol.

 

If not, at least take this away from my rambling: you're a rockstar, and I admire your efforts greatly.  Life can't stay crazy forever (this is what I tell myself too lol).



Rev


I love how you understand. It is so easy to just give up, but if I do, I will probably never restart. And I probably should reframe things, but I wouldn't know where to begin. The week I was suppose to just "list" what I had done, it lasted a day and since there was no list to work from, I just didn't.  It was too open ended for me. I need to cross things off and see progress, at least somewhere. Plus I had a hard time telling if I was doing any better than the day before or not.

As of this point, I am going to try my checklist again. So far, barely trying I have gotten 14 pts  both days. And that was with the root canal yesterday. But if it starts to fail, well, maybe I will try the list thing again.

So I guess I may be a bit insane (and sadly, I am okay with that)

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