What's Great for a Snack and Fits on Your Back?

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

10 minutes ago, DrFeelgood said:

I made an appointment to have the windshield replaced on MFG's van--it sustained a crack last November that's recently gotten much worse. 

We all know how important it is to your physical safety to have as strong a windshield as possible on your minivans.

[DrFeelgood]

1 minute ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

We all know how important it is to your physical safety to have as strong a windshield as possible on your minivans.

 

Middle-aged Dad mundanities.  The crack is expanding in the line of sight, which is ticketable, and I like heading off problems before they arise for MFG.

 

But I'd much rather have spent the money on something more fun.

[DrFeelgood]

Wednesday.  Ugh.  Try as I (half-heartedly) might I just can't seem to get back on track.  On the plus side I've got a sort-of mnemonic for my goals now:

 

The Three S's

• No Soda: failed - I had a 20oz Coke with my lunch.
• No Sugar: failed - I got hungry and ate my planned lunch for breakfast, so at actual lunchtime I had to scramble.  I ended up with a meatball sub and the Coke.  Then in the afternoon I ate a candy bar.  Then after dinner I ate three bowls of rocky road ice cream.
• No Staying Up Late: failed - I kept playing video games until well after bedtime, and even when I did finally quit I stayed up even longer eating ice cream and watching TV.  I think it was partly the afternoon soda and partly just implosive frustration at my rack of disciprine.

 

Otherwise it was a fine day.  We got the new windshield done on MFG's van just in time for our weekend road trip to visit my brother in Dallas.  After dropping the youth at church the rest of us did a quick family outing to the grocery store then headed home for some fun and games.  I didn't do any guitar practice or really any household chores at all other than help MFG with the last load of laundry after she headed upstairs for the night.  I just wish I hadn't been kicking myself for sucking at my goals all night because then all of that chillaxing might have been actually restful.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Pulling oneself out of a slump isn't easy, or more people would do so. Please don't beat yourself up for having a rough night, that will only make it easier to have a 2nd bad night in a row.

[DrFeelgood]

23 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Pulling oneself out of a slump isn't easy, or more people would do so. Please don't beat yourself up for having a rough night, that will only make it easier to have a 2nd bad night in a row.

 

This slump is dragging on so long I don't know if it's even fair to call it a slump anymore.

 

 

Thursday.  Meh. 

• No Soda: failed - I had a large Dr Pepper from the McD's drive-thru.
• No Sugar: failed - Had a McMuffin for breakfast.  Lunch was leftover chicken stir-fry, which I supplemented with a bag of chips and a KitKat.  Dinner was burrito bowls, after which I ate two more bowls of rocky road ice cream.
• No Staying Up Late: failed - MFG rented Justice League on a whim while she was shopping, so instead of going to bed at 9 like I originally planned I stayed up to watch it (meh) with her.  Then after the movie ended I was second-winded and too wired to sleep so I played RL for an hour until I was exhausted.  It was around 12:45 am when I finally got to bed.

I took care of a few household chores in the evening, then I did a 2-hour session learning and practicing "My Hero" (Foo Fighters) on guitar.  That song is so much fun that I actually played it on each of my guitars, which is part of why I spent so much time practicing.

 

Big 3-day weekend ahead; we're going to visit my brother in Dallas.  Hopefully we'll get to hit a bucket of balls with @Wolfpool while I'm in town.  We'll also get some big-city shopping done and take care of a few errands (MFG needs new eyeglasses) in between relaxing at the pool and chilling with my brother's family.  Plus I can give him some Rocket League lessons in person so we'll be able to rank up faster in doubles next season. 

 

I'm going to maintain this Battle Log as a more-or-less permanent journal, but I'm coming back to the challenge side of the forum for the next one.  I'm going to run with this whole Three S's thing along with participating in the Doodlie PVP.  Hopefully the competitive/cooperative aspect will help me find the low gear I need to get started with deliberate fitness again.

[Shello]

1 hour ago, DrFeelgood said:

This slump is dragging on so long I don't know if it's even fair to call it a slump anymore.

Maybe you are trying to come back to quickly with strict goals.  Is the 1 DRP from yesterday better than how much you were having a month ago?   Are you eating less ice cream?   If you are improving I would argue that you are already on your way out of the slump.  

[Sloth the Enduring]

Is this a slump or reversion to the mean? If it’s the later, what helped you level up the first time? Do you think there are depression issues? I only ask because that,s what kicked my butt out of gear this year.

 

For most people I’d suggest focusing on just one thing at a time, getting your workouts in, no soda, whatever, and do a habit snowball.

[Terah]

I agree with Shello and Sloth. You are making improvements

Just focus on one thing at the time. Pick one main thing that is a base off all that goes as you want it to something small to give you momentum. 

For me it's laundry. If things start to fall apart I focus on getting all laundry done, and when I find my rhythm in that again, everything else slowly falls into place. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

Today I ate fruit with my breakfast, and sprinkled sugar on it. And I said "Good enough!"

 

I'd argue that you are coming out of Slumpyville because you care about how well you're doing. Remember when you didn't care? This is a great improvement.  I've noticed a couple things in your challenges and here in this log. One is you compare yourself to your past self a lot. Past You didn't have the same life experience that you have now. For me, when I try to follow the "old path to success" I end up almost in tears and feeling like an utter failure. Forging a new path is hard, but at least I'm not curled in a ball wishing I was dead

 

The other thing I've noticed. You "fail" a lot. Which is SO HARSH, BRO. You chose to eat ice cream. Enjoy it! Ice cream is fun, it's cold, and just sweet enough. You're sucking the fun out of your choices by calling them failures. You keep having one soda a day, is that an improvement? One a day sounds pretty awesome. Then you can cut down to one every other day. And so on until one day you don't really miss it. I have a soda once a month. And then I fart a lot and remember why I don't drink more pop. LOL  

 

Be kind to yourself. It's hard enough to lose weight and get fit without beating yourself up over it. <4

[deftona]

Once again, Snarky is full of wisdom. I agree you should stop fighting yourself. No food is inherently bad or good, and even super healthy foods are toxic in huge amounts. A bit of ice cream is not going to kill you, and it's not going to make you fat. Honestly, I eat something "naughty" every single day and I have never been more successful with weight loss than I am right now. Like today - I went out for hot cookie dough and ice cream but that's ok because I am going to do a huge workout later so the damage will be minimised. It's about making choices - to paraphrase a very wise man "you can eat anything but you can't eat everything". If you are "failing" so much, that says your method is wrong. Just sayin'. 

 

You'll work it out and I can't wait to watch you back on your A game, whatever that will look like when you've found your groove. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Snarky's right. Beating yourself up and being harsh with yourself after a "failure" isn't working. In fact, I suspect it's exacerbating the problem. That's how it went for me.

[Snarkyfishguts]

I like it when people agree with me. 

[DrFeelgood]

On 5/25/2018 at 11:22 AM, Shello said:

Maybe you are trying to come back to quickly with strict goals.  Is the 1 DRP from yesterday better than how much you were having a month ago?   Are you eating less ice cream?   If you are improving I would argue that you are already on your way out of the slump.  

 

On 5/25/2018 at 2:21 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

Is this a slump or reversion to the mean? If it’s the later, what helped you level up the first time? Do you think there are depression issues? I only ask because that,s what kicked my butt out of gear this year.

 

For most people I’d suggest focusing on just one thing at a time, getting your workouts in, no soda, whatever, and do a habit snowball.

 

On 5/26/2018 at 4:30 AM, Terah said:

I agree with Shello and Sloth. You are making improvements

Just focus on one thing at the time. Pick one main thing that is a base off all that goes as you want it to something small to give you momentum. 

For me it's laundry. If things start to fall apart I focus on getting all laundry done, and when I find my rhythm in that again, everything else slowly falls into place. 

 

On 5/26/2018 at 8:24 AM, Snarkyfishguts said:

I'd argue that you are coming out of Slumpyville because you care about how well you're doing. Remember when you didn't care? This is a great improvement.  I've noticed a couple things in your challenges and here in this log. One is you compare yourself to your past self a lot. Past You didn't have the same life experience that you have now. For me, when I try to follow the "old path to success" I end up almost in tears and feeling like an utter failure. Forging a new path is hard, but at least I'm not curled in a ball wishing I was dead

 

The other thing I've noticed. You "fail" a lot. Which is SO HARSH, BRO. You chose to eat ice cream. Enjoy it! Ice cream is fun, it's cold, and just sweet enough. You're sucking the fun out of your choices by calling them failures. You keep having one soda a day, is that an improvement? One a day sounds pretty awesome. Then you can cut down to one every other day. And so on until one day you don't really miss it. I have a soda once a month. And then I fart a lot and remember why I don't drink more pop. LOL  

 

Be kind to yourself. It's hard enough to lose weight and get fit without beating yourself up over it. <4

 

On 5/26/2018 at 8:43 AM, deftona said:

Once again, Snarky is full of wisdom. I agree you should stop fighting yourself. No food is inherently bad or good, and even super healthy foods are toxic in huge amounts. A bit of ice cream is not going to kill you, and it's not going to make you fat. Honestly, I eat something "naughty" every single day and I have never been more successful with weight loss than I am right now. Like today - I went out for hot cookie dough and ice cream but that's ok because I am going to do a huge workout later so the damage will be minimised. It's about making choices - to paraphrase a very wise man "you can eat anything but you can't eat everything". If you are "failing" so much, that says your method is wrong. Just sayin'. 

 

You'll work it out and I can't wait to watch you back on your A game, whatever that will look like when you've found your groove. 

 

On 5/26/2018 at 9:25 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Snarky's right. Beating yourself up and being harsh with yourself after a "failure" isn't working. In fact, I suspect it's exacerbating the problem. That's how it went for me.

 

Thanks for your insights, all.  There's a lot there to think about.

 

Bottom line is that for whatever reasons my psychology was aligned for weight loss the first time around (which was actually my second attempt, but it was the first time I decided to get truly serious), so it was easy.  Now it's not aligned, so it's not easy.  I honestly don't know what to do about that.  Being harsh to myself hasn't worked.  Being kind to myself hasn't worked.  Being rigid with my disciplines hasn't worked.  Being lenient hasn't worked.  Being moderate hasn't worked.  I just don't think I"m properly geared for it yet this time around.  My only motivation is that I hate how I look, how I feel, and how I've wasted all the good work I did before (not to mention the money on clothes I now can't wear).  I've lost any semblance of the love and enjoyment I once had for the process of taking care of myself.  Is it worth the effort?  Am I?  My honest answer right now is I don't think so.  I've been in panic mode and throwing everything I can think of at the wall to see what sticks.

 

Nothing.  Nothing sticks.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

4 minutes ago, DrFeelgood said:

Bottom line is that for whatever reasons my psychology was aligned for weight loss the first time around (which was actually my second attempt, but it was the first time I decided to get truly serious), so it was easy.  Now it's not aligned, so it's not easy.  I honestly don't know what to do about that.  Being harsh to myself hasn't worked.  Being kind to myself hasn't worked.  Being rigid with my disciplines hasn't worked.  Being lenient hasn't worked.  Being moderate hasn't worked.  I just don't think I"m properly geared for it yet this time around.  My only motivation is that I hate how I look, how I feel, and how I've wasted all the good work I did before (not to mention the money on clothes I now can't wear).  I've lost any semblance of the love and enjoyment I once had for the process of taking care of myself.  Is it worth the effort?  Am I?  My honest answer right now is I don't think so.  I've been in panic mode and throwing everything I can think of at the wall to see what sticks.

Ok brother. This isn't about fitness and diet anymore. Time to go see a counselor. There is something in you that needs to be brought out into the light and your current situation is a symptom of that. You need someone to talk to you and help you figure out what that is so that your efforts at fitness and health will no longer be in vain. Don't give up and stop trying to work out and eat well, just know this is something bigger than self control.

 

I love you brother, and I hope you can figure out what you need.

[deftona]

1 hour ago, DrFeelgood said:

Is it worth the effort?  Am I?  My honest answer right now is I don't think so.

 

You are definitely worth the effort but no amount of telling you that will be heard until you're ready to hear it. Tank is right. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

We’re here for you, buddy.

 

 

[Terah]

((hugs)) 

I agree with Tank

((hugs)) 

[DrFeelgood]

20 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Ok brother. This isn't about fitness and diet anymore.

It never was, even from the beginning.  But fitness is a significant part of being the best me that I can be, and it's the part I want to focus on here.  I have other challenges to tackle, and those will happen offline; but they're also all going to be helped by getting my self in order physically.

 

18 hours ago, deftona said:

You are definitely worth the effort but no amount of telling you that will be heard until you're ready to hear it. Tank is right. 

That depends on the amount of effort required.   Lately it's just been way too much.  So I'm stripping it down to the accessible basics.  I'll be making other life changes as well, and those may or may not feature in my log/challenge.  I'm pretty naturally an open person, but I don't always want discussion about everything either.

 

16 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

We’re here for you, buddy.

Thanks, I really just needed to hear that after venting.

 

10 hours ago, Terah said:

((hugs)) 

I agree with Tank

((hugs)) 

Those hugs helped a bunch; thanks, Terah.

 

I spent the rest of the day yesterday just pondering things--mostly letting thoughts and feelings run free without trying to derive any conclusions or solve any problems.  I'm absolutely not happy with where I am (in SO MANY ways), but I'm ready to take some baby steps in the direction I want to go.  Nothing about it seems easy, but for the sake of my next fitness challenge it will definitely be simple.

 

 

[DrFeelgood]

Welp, now's as good a time as any to end a hiatus, I suppose. 

 

Quick synopsis of my down time:

1.  The house we bought (Oct 2019) stressed me out until I thought I was going to die--that's not as much exaggeration as you might think since our celebratory dinner after moving in gifted me with the worst case of food poisoning I've ever had.  It was so bad that it permanently altered my system, and I've spent the last year and a half trying to find and eliminate the things that cause me new griefs.  And while in the throes of that first day I still had to install laundry machines which led to the discovery that our new house has foundation heave issues.  MFG and I still haven't fully recovered from the emotional beating, but we're definitely in a better place now than we were 18 months ago.

2.  Our household may have gone through a mild bout of covid at the end of 2019 before the pandemic was in full swing.  Hard to know, but certainly not beyond the realm of possibility given that this is a military basic-training base with people coming to visit from all over the country pretty much every weekend.  Whatever it was, that week-or-so was pretty unpleasant around the house while everyone took their overlapping turns with a really "bad flu".  OTOH we've had no issues at all since then.

3.  The wrist I broke (almost exactly) two years ago took for-freaking-ever to feel like it was getting past like 60% recovery.  A few months back it finally started to feel like its old self again.  For a little while I was thinking about returning to the barbells at the gym; but, you know, covid.  Also, gyms. 

4.  I started building guitars as a new hobby.  I like it, and I'm going to keep doing it.

5.  I also got back in to golf.  It's been fun (especially the round I got to play with my brothers two weeks ago), and I've determined that it will be my only competitive athletics for the rest of my life.  No more team sports--I can't afford the injuries.

6.  I'm still playing Rocket League but less of it.  It's fun, but my dreams of going pro have met their conclusion, and it doesn't contribute much to my goals.

7.  Work is still the same.  We've been very blessed and grateful to have suffered no disruptions at all during the pandemic.  I've been teleworking a lot since last March, but starting next week we're going back to full-time in the office.  The network there doesn't like the Cloudflare thing that NF forum does now, so I'll just have to get my updates during unpaid down time like a schlub.  

8.  Kids are getting huge!  Two of my boys are taller than I am now, and the youngest isn't far behind.  Bubbles has been learning to drive, got her first job at Chick-fil-A, and is preparing to buy a car.  Teaching her hasn't been too stressful, she's a good student and a naturally careful person.  I'm less optimistic about teaching my boys, but I've still got a little time before that starts.

9.  Jan 2021 hit me with another pinched nerve, but instead of resolving itself after 3 days like usual this one has stuck around for months, making arms ache and fingers go numb.  Doctor ordered an MRI and the preliminary diagnosis is mild-to-severe cervical spondylosis.  Several of my neck vertebrae discs are desiccated, so I've been referred to a neurosurgeon in The City for treatment.  I'll get up there for the first time next week, and in the meantime I'm getting a second opinion on the MRI, not necessarily for doubt's sake but just to verify the initial findings.   While he was at it Doc also referred me to a dermatologist, who informed me that none of the skin stuff I have is threatening in any way, all of it is hereditary (as opposed to resulting from my periodic-yet-prolonged heaviness), and that he could easily and quickly remove a bunch of skin tags that I've wanted gone since the first time I got in to Wolverine shape.  Better late than never, I suppose.

 

That brings us up to the last few weeks, when I finally decided to make some more substantial course corrections.  As you can imagine, going rudderless for a couple of years means I've drifted back in to pretty sorry condition.  The scale kept me informed as to the numbers, but the mirror has been lying its ass off at me again.  Even so, I was not pleased with the numbers, so at the beginning of 2021 I got to work ditching sodas again, which has been a good and successful start.  I legit didn't realize how bad my bodyfat had gotten until the week before my brother's wedding when my tux arrived and I had to try it on.  The measurements I gave were good, but the fit was still a bit snug, so I spent a week disciplining my eating and dropped several bloat pounds.  By wedding day it was fitting much more comfortable.  But family I hadn't seen in 10+ years made several comments about my weight, and that frankly bummed me out.  I didn't let it ruin my weekend (which was awesome!) but it was a stark negative that stood out as the only thing I hated about the whole trip.  Well that, and the return drive (crossing Arizona SUCKS!).

 

So I've been going pretty strong for about 3 weeks now.  Sodas are under control--I have one every now and then, and 9 out 10 of those are caffeine free.  Eating is conscientious without being too restrictive, though I've had to cut out all ice cream.  Sleep is getting back to deliberate and regular, helped in no small part by a nerve-pain med I'm on while I wait for my neurosurgeon appointment.  I'm not "exercising" but I've made a point of being a little more active during my evenings and weekends.  Bodyweight is moving down and I'm feeling a little more hopeful about the prospect of getting in better shape, despite feeling about as bad about my current appearance as I ever have.  Part of that is my customary Week-3 doldrums, but I really do look pretty terrible.  Good news is that I'm ready to work on it.

 

I've missed you guys terribly and I'm looking forward to participating with y'all again.  I'll be joining up with the Rangers for the next challenge to see what I can accomplish in the coming weeks.  And if you do happen to see this then please spotlight your significant happenings for me in replies--I've tried to keep up a little bit in my absence but I'm sure there's so much I've missed, and I'd really love to know how y'all are doing as I dig back in to the forum.

[Shello]

It is very nice to hear from you!  I have seen a few guitar pics on the facebook and I'm glad to see you love the hobby.   I'm very glad to hear your house hasn't killed you.  Are you still in it and fighting back or have you moved on?   Also boo to family for asking about weigh gain.  So rude!  I'm looking forward to seeing your first challenge. 

 

 

I've recently-ish respawned myself.  I started struggling with keeping up with 2019 challenges and then basically disappeared in 2020 entirely except for a few challenges I started and then ghosted.  This year has gone really well as I babystep my way back to healthy habits.   My 2021 roadmap/battlelog has been really helpful, more so with this comeback than ever before (linked to the left)  I have 2 new drivers in my household so I can definitely relate to you.  My oldest has had his permit almost 2 years! and I finally forced him to get his license.  It's scary to have him out there driving but it's more scare sending him off to college without enough experience behind the wheel.  Peach is still in the learning phase and she has clearly inherited my lead foot.   I'm not sure what I was doing when you were last around but post divorce life is treating me well and DDG is a constant character in my mostly boring updates.  

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I've stuck around NF but lost a lot of fitness and gained a bunch of weight.

Welcome back!

[deftona]

DFG! It's so great to see you back! I've seen you a couple of times ghosting on the forums so I'm glad you're going to return for reals. 

Sorry about all the troubles you've been having but there is awesome stuff going on too! 

 

I have been here the whole while but that hasn't stopped me gaining a ton of weight. I'm having back issues too so I definitely empathise with the neck issues. We can get back to our fighting weights together. 

 

HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTT! 

[DrFeelgood]

8 hours ago, Shello said:

It is very nice to hear from you!  I have seen a few guitar pics on the facebook and I'm glad to see you love the hobby.   I'm very glad to hear your house hasn't killed you.  Are you still in it and fighting back or have you moved on?   Also boo to family for asking about weigh gain.  So rude!  I'm looking forward to seeing your first challenge. 

 

I've recently-ish respawned myself.  I started struggling with keeping up with 2019 challenges and then basically disappeared in 2020 entirely except for a few challenges I started and then ghosted.  This year has gone really well as I babystep my way back to healthy habits.   My 2021 roadmap/battlelog has been really helpful, more so with this comeback than ever before (linked to the left)  I have 2 new drivers in my household so I can definitely relate to you.  My oldest has had his permit almost 2 years! and I finally forced him to get his license.  It's scary to have him out there driving but it's more scare sending him off to college without enough experience behind the wheel.  Peach is still in the learning phase and she has clearly inherited my lead foot.   I'm not sure what I was doing when you were last around but post divorce life is treating me well and DDG is a constant character in my mostly boring updates.  

We are still in the house and dealing with it as best we can.  A lot of the newer houses here were built during the height of the last drought, but that's been over since 2015 and now the ground is moving a lot due to expansive clays and moist soils.  It's not an uncommon problem, I'm just super-pissed at myself that I missed it.  MFG is super-pissed at the previous owners for all they did to conceal it.  I've got some improvements planned that should help with the drainage, and we've already knocked out a couple of them.

 

Glad to see you're back, too!  I hope life grants you time, energy, and space for further successes!  I'm going to make efforts to carve out some of my own.

 

7 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I've stuck around NF but lost a lot of fitness and gained a bunch of weight.

Welcome back!

Younglings don't help too much with that.    We'll get after it again before too long!

 

7 hours ago, deftona said:

DFG! It's so great to see you back! I've seen you a couple of times ghosting on the forums so I'm glad you're going to return for reals. 

Sorry about all the troubles you've been having but there is awesome stuff going on too! 

 

I have been here the whole while but that hasn't stopped me gaining a ton of weight. I'm having back issues too so I definitely empathise with the neck issues. We can get back to our fighting weights together. 

 

HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTT! 

I believe we're still obligated to perform some kind of calendar photo shoot?  Though I'm a little fuzzy on the details of the butt-goings-through.  Eh, we'll work it out.

 

So sorry to hear about your back issues.  If my sister-in-law is correct then maybe we could both benefit from a round or five of Foundation Training.  Yeah, I'm not sure what all it entails either, which is only 10% of the reason I'm not doing it yet.  The other 90% is that I like my chair. 

___________________________

 

Well, I have the bigness again.  Recent peak was 255 before the wedding, but I've bailed about 10 of that.  That puts me just about where I was at the beginning of 2015 when I first joined the forum; only now I'm older, a little wiser, and a lot more busted.   Even so I'm actually looking forward to the coming challenge and an opportunity to be more deliberate about growing older with a bit more grace.  I'm not going to kick and scream against the ravages of time or anything, but I'm not going to let myself just decompose either.  Let's call Lean and Strong 6.0 (I gave up on 4.0, and 5.0 was a dud before launch) a positive way to ease in to my mid 40s with a moderately robust and resilient composition.

[deftona]

4 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

I believe we're still obligated to perform some kind of calendar photo shoot? 

 

I'm still game if you are! 

 

Well, gimme a year or so... 

[Snarkyfishguts]

BUDDY!

 

glad you are back and wow, you have been through A LOT!!!

 

and look at you , still awesome and stuff. 😁