Scalyfreak moves forward by standing still

[Scaly Freak]

The drawback to staying hidden underneath branches and leaves for several hours, is that there is nothing to do but think. Think, and remember, and reflect on the past. On the early stages of the game, when it was so much more fun than it is now. Even boss fights used to be fun! They used to be something fun to look forward to… something to anticipate eagerly. Careful preparation for the battle was a goal in itself, and even the grinding was enjoyable, because it had a bigger purpose. And afterwards…

 

After the boss fight, there was celebration and pride. There was genuine joy and a sense of accomplishing something great. There was none of this exhaustion and sense of dread that the next boss fight will be here far too soon.

 

Scalyfreak frowns in the dark, and wonders what why this changed. What happened to make the game a chore and a hardship? What went wrong? What corrupted the game so thoroughly that it simply isn’t fun anymore?

 

Scalyfreak thinks hard on this. And thinks, and thinks, but no matter how many time she tries, she keeps coming to the same conclusion… the game itself has changed. It is forcing her to go in directions she doesn’t want, in ways she does not enjoy. And this is not making sense to her.

 

The advantage to staying hidden underneath branches and leaves for several hours, is that there is nothing to do but think…

 

 

So this is the big challenge where I make next to no changes at all to anything while I try to figure out where to go from here. My goals are to successfully continue what worked in previous challenges, and to essentially turn those things into (hopefully) lasting habits.

 

1. Gym three days a week.

Between injuries and illness I lost the habit of working out three evenings every week, and I need to get back to that. I’ll never get back to Stronglifts until I do, and it’s better for me in every way to visit the gym and commune with the weights on a regular basis.

 

2. Keep up with the other challenges I’ve joined.

I’m currently in three additional challenges, Walk to Mordor, Read Harder, and the guild mini challenges. I already walk every day, I enjoy reading already, so the one that might actually be difficult is the mini, since I don’t know what the upcoming challenges will be about. This will be my one attempt to push myself this challenge period. (In theory, at least.)

 

3. Do at least one thing every day just because it makes me happy.

This can be play or walk with the Happy Sidekick, or meditating, or writing in the gratitude journal, or taking a bath, or eating my favorite dairy-free ice cream, or playing a new game, or watching one of my favorite shows on Netflix, or bake something, or snuggling with Husband, or whatever else I want.

 

And that is it. Basically continue doing what I was doing towards the end of the last challenge, to try and get some stability and to give myself time to figure out what I need to do to make future challenges work better.

[CourtnieMarie]

perfect way to strategize. love it

[Mike Wazowski]

Love it! Especially #3  

[Scaly Freak]

#3 overlaps with #1.

 

Today is the first gym day since the challenge officially started. Detailed notes will be taken on all planks and cobras so I can contribute to the mini challenge!

[Deckard Gainz]

Hi scaly! I hope juggling your additional challenges proves to add some exciting variety to your goals if they feel they've gotten a little stale.

[Scaly Freak]

Progress!

 

I didn't do a lot yesterday, except to eat So Delicious snickerdoodle cashew ice cream (because it makes me happy!), so today feels like the first real challenge day in a way. I managed to hit all three of my goals at once, by going to the gym. Obviously, that means #1, but it also means #3.Gym makes me happy. After my warm-up of a couple of 30 second planks, I alternated between doing reverse cobra, wall sit, and more planks, for 60 seconds at a time, until I had given myself a thorough full body workout and in the process provided some assistance for Ran.

 

So for #2, I logged my minutes in the mini challenge spread sheet, I have recorded my Mordor miles, and now I'm going to go read more in Rebecca. 

 

As a side note, I can report that doing reverse cobras when you have DOMS in all those muscles from doing reverse cobras two days earlier, isn't nearly as much fun as it sounds  

[CourtnieMarie]

7 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

As a side note, I can report that doing reverse cobras when you have DOMS in all those muscles from doing reverse cobras two days earlier, isn't nearly as much fun as it sounds

seriously! i had never done reverse cobra as a hold for longer than say 5 secs. but my oh my does that one work ya.

[Mike Wazowski]

Sounds like a lovely set of days - go you!

[Scaly Freak]

5 hours ago, CourtnieMarie said:

seriously! i had never done reverse cobra as a hold for longer than say 5 secs. but my oh my does that one work ya.

 

I learned about them when my knee was injured and I was desperate for something that targets the glutes while keeping my weight (and any strain) off my knee joints. Enjoyed them so much I've kept doing them since then.

 

3 minutes ago, MikeW said:

Sounds like a lovely set of days - go you!

 

It was, thank you. And now that I have finished the book, I have an excellent excuse to watch the movie Rebecca again.  

[Chant]

I really like the scope of this challenge and the mindfulness you're seeking with it. It's always a warning sign when the things that made you happy suddenly stop doing that. I hope that over the course of this challenge, you're able to suss out what changed and get to a path that brings joy again.

 

The ice cream sounds delicious!

 

And reverse cobra is an evil, evil exercise, which naturally means is great for you and deeply works everything it's supposed to! Great job!

[Scaly Freak]

Monday evening, and the week has been over for almost 24 hours now.

 

I almost did well. I stayed home from the gym on Friday evening to spend nice happy time with Husband. And by Husband, I mean Kratos and the Leviathan Axe, and by nice happy time I mean BRUTAL MURDER AND MAYHEM AND VIOLENCE! (God of War has arrived, and it is incredible.)

 

I have kept up with reading and the warrior mini challenges, but I am behind in updating my Mordor miles. I will take care of those tomorrow.

 

An unexpected but very beneficial side-effect of doing my challenges this way is that I've been forced to think about what makes me happy, and what that actually means. Brief joy or gratification is all well and good, but it's not the same thing as happy. So now I'm trying to work out what being happy actually means for me. Once I have that figured out, I suspect that the question of what makes me happy, will answer itself.

[CourtnieMarie]

10 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

what makes me happy, and what that actually means.

not an easy question to answer! at least for me. what i'd like to do and what my body needs sometimes differ so it has seemed to be a balancing act of happy mind/happy body.

[Scaly Freak]

I'm starting to realize that in my case, a happy body makes for a happy mind, but it doesn't necessarily work the other way around.

 

This is actually a bit of a relief, because this means that I can actually do things that improve my overall state of mind and well-being, by making behavior changes. Walking outside for 20 minutes every morning makes a huge difference for whether I have a good day or just an okay day. But it's also annoying because it makes it partially my fault when I'm gradually drifting off into a lethargic sort of annoyance with every irritating thing out there (and everything becomes irritating if this goes on long enough).

 

If I have the ability to make myself, if not completely happy, at least happier, by doing certain things, that also means it's largely my own fault when I don't do those things, and then become unhappy.

 

Wait. What did I decide it means to be happy again?

 

Oh dammit.

[Deckard Gainz]

On 5/1/2018 at 1:38 PM, scalyfreak said:

Wait. What did I decide it means to be happy again?

 

Oh dammit.

 

I have struggled with this a lot as well and I continue to. Part of the problem is that it's a moving target. Happiness is like when you get a sun spot in your eye; as your move your eye towards the spot you think you're seeing, that spot moves with your eye until your eye can't move anymore and everything's blurry and weird. We can't just do a thing or get a thing and be happy forever. Happiness requires unhappiness to provide it context, so for me it kind of becomes an argument like "what is the maximum amount of time I can spend being happy while also having enough unhappiness in my life to provide relevance? And what exact things need to happen to strike that balance?" Idk, brain stuff is weird and hard, and we're not in control of a lot of internal or external factors. We're kind of just along for the ride. That's where I think a lot of this mindfulness stuff pays off. Just being able to identify what is and isn't within our control. Maybe that's a different conversation but it's certainly relevant.

[Chant]

On 5/1/2018 at 1:38 PM, scalyfreak said:

If I have the ability to make myself, if not completely happy, at least happier, by doing certain things, that also means it's largely my own fault when I don't do those things, and then become unhappy.

 

I personally have found the concept of fault or blame deleterious to happiness or mental health. Responsibility, definitely. On one hand, I get how it sucks to realize that you're often responsible for your moods. It's a lot easier and sometimes more fun to blame somebody else for being a general jackass when in actuality, they're minding their own business but happen to be in your way. I can get to that stage of irritated at the world and irritated by my irritability. I think that comes with the territory of introversion and over-exposure to stimulus. On the other hand, it's good and empowering to know that you can actually do something to stave off or at least mitigate those moods with something relatively simple, a 20 minute walk.

 

I also think that our society on the whole, Western society at least, has a harmful view of happiness, that it's this thing you can attain if you work hard enough and stay there. Mountain climbed. Peak attained. And if you somehow fall off or out of that state, well, it's your fault. You're just not good/wise/skinny/fit/rich/etc. enough to have it. When research says that happiness is fleeting, just like every other emotion, and that all of us have a baseline of contentment that we naturally return to when not stimulated by outside forces. For some that's more content than others. It can be changed a little bit, but not to some huge degree.

 

Ironically, learning that and sort of trying it out in my own life has led me to be more content than I ever was in the past. Probably because I stopped trying to push the river (me) into an unnatural course and just let those moments come more naturally. I think the things that make you feel most like you, if that makes sense, are also the things that lead to the most contentment, and it makes sense that one of those things would be feeling healthy and fit physically. It's easier to have a better baseline mood when you don't physically feel like crap.

[Scaly Freak]

2 hours ago, Deckard Gainz said:

 

I have struggled with this a lot as well and I continue to. Part of the problem is that it's a moving target. Happiness is like when you get a sun spot in your eye; as your move your eye towards the spot you think you're seeing, that spot moves with your eye until your eye can't move anymore and everything's blurry and weird. We can't just do a thing or get a thing and be happy forever.

 

Oooo, good point! I will take this into careful consideration as I continue to search for what it meas for me to be happy. Right now, at least.

 

I don't think happiness needs unhappiness to provide context and relevance, anymore than light needs darkness in order to be noticed and appreciated.

 

It is perfectly possible to be entirely happy and notice and appreciate it, at least for a while. But if we go for long enough without being reminded that we are happy, that's when we stop noticing and eventually stop being happy. Just like darkness is created by an absence of light, unhappiness is created by an absence of happiness. The trick is to find a way to make the dark/unhappy parts of life be a fleeting shadow that is easily lifted by the light, and not the kind of long-lasting midnight they had in Pitch Black.

 

2 hours ago, Chant said:

 

I personally have found the concept of fault or blame deleterious to happiness or mental health. Responsibility, definitely. On one hand, I get how it sucks to realize that you're often responsible for your moods.

 

"Fault" was the wrong word. It's close to what I was looking for, but the implication of blame and guilt does not belong there. There is a very fine line between holding myself accountable for what I at the time knew was an unwise decision that would make me feel like something the dog has chewed on, and punishing myself for that decision. To use an obvious and over-simplified example, if I eat a pint of regular ice cream, I give myself a form food poisoning. I know this. If I choose to eat a pint of regular ice cream despite knowing this, the inevitable nausea, vomiting, and so on, is directly caused by me doing something that frankly was a stupid thing to do.

 

The fact that I caused this myself means I can learn from it and avoid making the same decision again in the future. It does not mean I need to blame and punish myself, however. That only took my entire life up until this point to learn

 

3 hours ago, Chant said:

I also think that our society on the whole, Western society at least, has a harmful view of happiness, that it's this thing you can attain if you work hard enough and stay there. Mountain climbed. Peak attained. And if you somehow fall off or out of that state, well, it's your fault. You're just not good/wise/skinny/fit/rich/etc. enough to have it.

 

The American society I live in now, certainly does. Thankfully, the Swedish one I grew up in seems, by comparison at least, to be a lot less obsessed with material wealth as a source of happiness. It's still a thing you can obtain, but you do it by turning down a promotion to stay in a job that you genuinely enjoy.

 

5 hours ago, Chant said:

 

 I think the things that make you feel most like you, if that makes sense, are also the things that lead to the most contentment, and it makes sense that one of those things would be feeling healthy and fit physically. It's easier to have a better baseline mood when you don't physically feel like crap.

 

This makes perfect sense. Does this mean that contentment is the same as happiness?

 

Taking my sweet time replying to these to posts has led my thoughts in productive directions, and I think I may be closer to figuring this thing out... Thank you @Deckard Gainz and @Chant !

[Chant]

One of my very good friends from Sweden has said similar things. I've often envied the freedom he has in his career. There seems to be much more focus on life quality and balance there than here. He still lives there, and it sounds like a good place to be.

 

I don't personally define contentment as quite the same as happiness, but I think for some people it might be a matter of semantics. To me happiness is that fleeting thing that happens when you're really enjoying yourself, or you beat your personal best score in a game, or whatever gets you going. Contentment is more of a steady state default when things are going relatively smoothly, or they aren't, but you're able to keep your balance anyway. Contentment is softer and more subtle, being at ease with who you are and where you are, even if your goal is to change over time. Contentment has to be cultivated, whereas happiness will find you in a moment and leave just as quickly. Your mileage may vary. That's just my own personal view.

 

Glad to be of help. You've certainly helped me in my challenge!

[Scaly Freak]

Maybe happiness is what happens when you're completely living in the moment, and that moment is perfect? (And if that is true, one of the very few truly happy creatures in my life is a dog. She is currently gnawing on an antler, with an expression of pure joy on her face.)

 

Your definition of contentment has a lot of things in common with how I used to define happiness. But balance is not the same as happiness... if it was, the Jedi philosophy would rave about the importance of giving your emotions free reign, and they do the opposite.

[CourtnieMarie]

I'm really enjoying this conversation. But my favorite part has to be the pitch black reference...

[Chant]

11 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

Maybe happiness is what happens when you're completely living in the moment, and that moment is perfect? (And if that is true, one of the very few truly happy creatures in my life is a dog. She is currently gnawing on an antler, with an expression of pure joy on her face.)

 

Your definition of contentment has a lot of things in common with how I used to define happiness. But balance is not the same as happiness... if it was, the Jedi philosophy would rave about the importance of giving your emotions free reign, and they do the opposite.

 

Ha! I think dogs are excellent happiness coaches. Every time I go on a walk with mine she reminds me of that. She is the embodiment of joy, especially when she finds a game trail. The Jedi philosophy reminds me a lot of Buddhism. I read an excellent book years ago that talked about the differences between a Buddhist path and a Yogic path and wound up advocating for something in between. It gave me a lot to think about. Mindfulness Yoga by Frank Jude Boccio.

[Scaly Freak]

2 hours ago, CourtnieMarie said:

I'm really enjoying this conversation. But my favorite part has to be the pitch black reference...

 

One of my favorite movies.

 

1 hour ago, Chant said:

 

Ha! I think dogs are excellent happiness coaches. Every time I go on a walk with mine she reminds me of that. She is the embodiment of joy, especially when she finds a game trail.

 

My dog's definition of happiness is a large cardboard box that she has permission to tear to pieces. HEAVEN!

 

Cats are good happiness coaches a well. They excel at being in the moment and genuinely enjoying whatever it is they are doing right now... and they never do anything they don't actually want to do. But I suspect one of the biggest reasons cherished pets are happy though, is the way they so freely demand and give affection. We humans could probably learn a lot just from that.

[CourtnieMarie]

2 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

One of my favorite movies.

same! my sister and I quote "looks clear" often and then laugh at ourselves because no one else gets it 

 

2 hours ago, scalyfreak said:

 

My dog's definition of happiness is a large cardboard box that she has permission to tear to pieces. HEAVEN!

 

Cats are good happiness coaches a well. They excel at being in the moment and genuinely enjoying whatever it is they are doing right now... and they never do anything they don't actually want to do. But I suspect one of the biggest reasons cherished pets are happy though, is the way they so freely demand and give affection. We humans could probably learn a lot just from that.

so much truth. one of the things i love about the book series, Iron Druid Chronicles, are the constant reminders/perspectives from the main character's dog. household pets can really help put things in perspective for us.

[farflight]

*peeks around a tree*

...

........SCALY!

 

Just browsed through to get a little caught up. Love the theme and I truly enjoyed your challenge intro, you're a gifted writer. However, the real drawback to sitting under leaves for hours is realizing you shoulda leveled your illusion skill better :-P.

 

Enjoyed the happiness discussion too...deep shit going on in this thread, kinda like the movie Chappie. 

 

Happiness is a tough one...what I've started trying to realize and believe, "happiness" isn't so much a destination, but more how we go about getting there (maybe?)

 

Something I got in a daily ponderables email (if you know it its wonderful)

Ten Rules for Being Human

1. You will receive a body.

You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this 
time around.

2. You will learn lessons.

You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "life." Each day in 
this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant or stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.

Growth is a process of experimentation - trial and error. The so-called 
"failed experiments" are as much a part of the process as the experiments that 
ultimately "work".

4. A Lesson is repeated until learned.

It will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. 
When you have learned it you can then go on to the next lesson. If you do not learn easy lessons, they become harder. You will know you have learned a lesson when your actions change.

5. Learning lessons does not end.

There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. Every person, 
every incident is the universal teacher. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better than "here."

Nothing leads to happiness. When your "there" has become a "here," you will 
simply obtain another "there" that again will look better than "here."

7. Others are merely mirrors of you.

You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects 
something you love or hate in yourself.

8. What you create of your life is up to you.

You have all the tools and resources your need; what you do with them is up 
to you.

9. All your answers lie inside you.

All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

10. You will forget all of this.

 

Anywho, keep up the great work!

 

[Scaly Freak]

"And how does it look NOW!?!"
 

Other favorite quotes involve the movie intro, the conversation about believing in God, and nearly any scene featuring Johns.

 

29 minutes ago, farflight said:

Just browsed through to get a little caught up. Love the theme and I truly enjoyed your challenge intro, you're a gifted writer. However, the real drawback to sitting under leaves for hours is realizing you shoulda leveled your illusion skill better :-P.

 

 

I actually have quite a large number of levels in that skill, though unfortunately I specialized in the technique Delude Self, so it's not very useful for me when I need to hide from others.

 

And thank you.

 

44 minutes ago, farflight said:

Happiness is a tough one...what I've started trying to realize and believe, "happiness" isn't so much a destination, but more how we go about getting there (maybe?)

 

Interesting theory. Maybe happiness is a bit like physical fitness? Everyone starts from a different situation, with our own unique baseline, and that baseline largely depends on decisions and actions of our past. We can move that baseline by actively doing things that makes us more fit/happy, and if we regularly and consistently keep doing these things, our general daily fitness/happiness level will go up and stay up, and that becomes our new baseline.

 

And just like the muscle gains stop and eventually reverse if we stop lifting, the happiness will stagnate and eventually fade if we stop actively trying to be more happy.

 

This makes sense to me. This is a definition of happiness I can intellectually understand and buy into. More importantly, it's one I can work towards, and it's attainable.

[Chant]

On 5/4/2018 at 1:59 PM, scalyfreak said:

Interesting theory. Maybe happiness is a bit like physical fitness? Everyone starts from a different situation, with our own unique baseline, and that baseline largely depends on decisions and actions of our past. We can move that baseline by actively doing things that makes us more fit/happy, and if we regularly and consistently keep doing these things, our general daily fitness/happiness level will go up and stay up, and that becomes our new baseline.

 

And just like the muscle gains stop and eventually reverse if we stop lifting, the happiness will stagnate and eventually fade if we stop actively trying to be more happy.

 

This makes sense to me. This is a definition of happiness I can intellectually understand and buy into. More importantly, it's one I can work towards, and it's attainable.

 

Yes, this really makes a ton of sense. I think you hit on something big with this. I also think that really being in the present moment helps. Relatively, there are few moments that are truly intensely awful. It's what we're thinking and fearing that bring awfulness to what is often just uncertainty. My Grandmother had a saying I always liked. "Stop borrowing tomorrow's trouble for today."

 

Circling back to the idea of cats being happiness coaches, they can be. They can also be perfect little misery balls, especially if dinner is a nanosecond late!