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Seraphina Might Be Using Magic [Still a Ranger, Promise]


Seraphina

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I'm back and ready to do a full, real challenge. Dedicating this one to my favorite "kind of gay" witch. I've been dabbling in some "magic" lately to try to reach my goals, so in the spirit of that, it's going to be a magicky sort of challenge. 

 

GOAL 1: MENTAL BANISHING SPELL

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A while back, I talked about how I was looking into the idea of compounding success. Since May 2nd, I've been tracking the habits I built in previous challenges, combined with a few habits I want to build. I've made it into a game and so far it's working. Really well. It's a game of "How often can I cheat and how often can I weigh myself?" to satisfy all the stupid, impulsive pieces of my brain that will never not be obsessed with food and weight. While those parts of my brain are occupied, I get to satisfy my love of tracking (seriously, I track every book I read, every show I watch, every anime episode, EVERYTHING), and I get to actually gradually change my lifestyle, get healthier, feel better, and work on weight loss as a component of those things rather than the only thing. Spoiler tag has the deets.

 

Spoiler

Detail things, incoming.

 

Basically, I have the four tenants/pillars of my diet that I want to follow as much as possible to lose weight, avoid further gaining weight, feel better, etc.: Eat vegan, don't eat restaurant food (especially not delivery), and no sweets or alcohol. The name of the game is, "How many days of that in a row do I have to do before I can have a day of hedonism?" So I tried a 1:1 ratio where I'm a hedonist half the time, and then 1/3 of the time. Both resulted in a gain. The first round of 25% hedonism resulted in a loss, so I'll repeat that trial until it results in either maintenance or gain. With each gain/maintenance result, I add a single day of being "on track" to the trial. It makes it easy to wrap my head around it, because it still seems "short term" to my monkey brain that freaks out at even the idea of deprivation. At the same time, I have a high chance of success because I'm only adding a single day each time. As a bonus, I get to weigh myself after successfully completing each "trial", but no other time. This component satisfies the weight-obsessed, eternal dieter in me, but I never actually have to obsess about my weight or diet. It's all contained in the game. 

 

Other than my four pillars, I do IF. Eating window is 8 hours, fasting for 16 each day. Helps cut down on night eating & snacks, and by "cut down", I mean I don't do it. Other than that, I don't count calories, I listen to my body, and I pay attention to my food. So that's the eating part of it.

Ugh, I'm hesitant to share the example spreadsheet because I'm so not fit and I'm one step away from a human bean bag chair, but here's the tracking part. The top line is the "compounding" which shows cumulatively how much I've done for each thing which I think over time will be really cool.

 

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I'm trying to recover from an injury, so the exercise part isn't great or impressive or even a focus right now, but I track what I do anyway. 

 

The spreadsheet has multiple tabs, including a built-in graph for my weight so my weight-obsessed asshole part of myself gets to look at that, a sheet to track measurements, body fat, resting heart rate, and snore score over time (I use the SnoreLab app to keep track of that, and I only do it at the end of each trial). 

 

GOAL 2: RITUAL OF RESTORATION

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I went to the doctor (my new doctor, she's awesome :D) about my ankle. It's definitely an aggravated ligaments/tendons issue. I'm doing daily mobility exercises and RICE. I want to make sure I keep this up until it's healed, so my "exercise" portion of the challenge is entirely dedicated to recovery. 

 

GOAL 3: CAROLINA'S GRASP

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My previous challenges focused a lot on mental health, but I don't need much mental health TLC these days, since getting off the pill magically [sic] transformed my mental health over the last few weeks from always struggling with severe anxiety, mood instability, and depression, to I'm alright y'all. It's like my previous doctor was an asshole or something. I'm also [pretty much] done with graduate school, which is a huge load of stress off my shoulders. What I do need to do is find a job. So weekly job hunting and associated duties are going to be part of this challenge for me.

 

See ya next week!

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  • Like 7

La esperanza del fénix puede abrirse camino a través de los cielos del desierto y aún desafiar el rencor de la fortuna; revivir de las cenizas y levantarse.

Miguel de Cervantes

SeraphinaLevel 3 scrub.

Seraphina Rises [Battle Log] | Drawing on the Power of Plants [Vegan Recipe Book]

Seraphina Might Be Using Magic [Still a Ranger, Promise] || Past Challenges: 1 | 2 | 3

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2 hours ago, Seraphina said:

My previous challenges focused a lot on mental health, but I don't need much mental health TLC these days, since getting off the pill magically [sic] transformed my mental health over the last few weeks from always struggling with severe anxiety, mood instability, and depression, to I'm alright y'all. It's like my previous doctor was an asshole or something. I'm also [pretty much] done with graduate school, which is a huge load of stress off my shoulders. What I do need to do is find a job. So weekly job hunting and associated duties are going to be part of this challenge for me.

This whole paragraph is awesome!

 

Following

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On 23/05/2018 at 11:16 PM, Seraphina said:

My previous challenges focused a lot on mental health, but I don't need much mental health TLC these days, since getting off the pill magically [sic] transformed my mental health over the last few weeks from always struggling with severe anxiety, mood instability, and depression, to I'm alright y'all. It's like my previous doctor was an asshole or something. I'm also [pretty much] done with graduate school, which is a huge load of stress off my shoulders. What I do need to do is find a job. So weekly job hunting and associated duties are going to be part of this challenge for me.

 

I am also expressing my love for that paragraph. And the general Willow-ness of this. I love Willow, one of my favourite redheads.

 

Here to cheer ya on and maybe just generally lurk constantly. :D

  • Like 1

"... However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light." -  Stanley Kubrick

"Difficult for myself? Agent... I was born difficult for myself." - Clint Barton

Challenges:  #1 #2 (mini) #3 (mini) #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21

My Fitness Pal - inactive

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I read Compounding Success as Confounding Success. Totally different! LOL!

 

PS I love your handle- my sister's nickname is Serafina <3

  • Like 1

My Blog | My Story

Race: Wood Elf | Class: Footpath Ranger Leader

Level18 (STR):44.25 (DEX):37.25 (STA):30 (CON):31.25 (WIS):31.5 (CHA):25.25

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

"Love does not throw the book at you because love doesn't have a book to throw." -CS Lewis

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When-She-Friend-Who-Makes-Going-School-F

Here we go, my dudes. Here we go. Also, I changed my mind and I decided to count calories again to check in and make sure I'm eating enough/not too much. And hooray for having time to like, make plans and pretty posts about it ^_^ I dislike the term "cheat day" because it implies something really negative. I don't like the idea of cheating on myself, either. So my "cheat" days are hedonism days, where I can let go and be a hedonist, if I decide to do so. 

 

That's probably the most random paragraph I've ever written. I realize it's not totally coherent but I can't even with writing/English rn.

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Week 1 Plans:

Spoiler

Weeklies

 Thesis edits submitted by Thursday

 SQL Basics Course

 Chapter in Python book

 Arc practice test

Monday

 Rest  Ice  Elevation

Tuesday

☐ Vegan ☐ No delivery/restaurant food ☐ 16:8 ☐ No sweets ☐ No Alcohol ☐ Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Elevation

Wednesday

☐ Vegan ☐ No delivery/restaurant food ☐ 16:8 ☐ No sweets ☐ No Alcohol ☐ Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Elevation

Thursday

☐ Vegan ☐ No delivery/restaurant food ☐ 16:8 ☐ No sweets ☐ No Alcohol ☐ Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Elevation

Friday

☐ Vegan ☐ No delivery/restaurant food ☐ 16:8 ☐ No sweets ☐ No Alcohol ☐ Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Compression ☐ Elevation

  Job Hunting

Saturday 

Hedonism Day

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Compression ☐ Elevation

Sunday *Weigh Day

☐ Vegan ☐ No delivery/restaurant food ☐ 16:8 ☐ No sweets ☐ No Alcohol ☐ Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Compression ☐ Elevation

 

  • Like 3

La esperanza del fénix puede abrirse camino a través de los cielos del desierto y aún desafiar el rencor de la fortuna; revivir de las cenizas y levantarse.

Miguel de Cervantes

SeraphinaLevel 3 scrub.

Seraphina Rises [Battle Log] | Drawing on the Power of Plants [Vegan Recipe Book]

Seraphina Might Be Using Magic [Still a Ranger, Promise] || Past Challenges: 1 | 2 | 3

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So... Yesterday was a day. 

 

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Started out okay, and I was super excited because I submitted my final thesis edits and got my new motherboard and cpu for my computer that's been dead since the beginning of last week. Turns out this new motherboard only has space for DDR4 RAM, and I had a DDR3 stick. Ugh. I was feeling good enough to walk to the store, thinking, "It's a really short walk." By the time I walked out of the store $160 poorer, my ankle hurt baaad. I reassembled the entire computer with the new parts, and ran into approximately 305832098929062 problems trying to get it to start up. At one point, I saw something dripping into the case, and was like wtf mayne, and it turned out to be my blood. My computer made me bleed my own blood. Huge gash on my thumb, and I'm not even sure how. Reached an impasse where the mouse/keyboard stop responding once Windows starts up, so I'm unable to log in. Solution is to re-install Windows. Guess who doesn't have an install disk? So I spent almost $600 on new parts, and my computer still doesn't work. Bf is mailing me his disc and key, and it won't get here until Friday. All the work I did trying to avoid having to reformat a hard drive to reinstall Windows, and I have to do it anyway.

 

But that's not the worst part. The whole time, bf is on the phone "helping me", starts getting mad at the fact that I'm upset about it. Insert fucked up things said, we both talk about how unhappy we are but don't want to break up, ugh ugh ugh. He tells me he keeps "absorbing" my emotions and they make him feel things. Cue I get vilified every time I feel something that isn't happy because how dare I make him feel things. Every time I bring up something emotional or something that hurts me, my feelings are quickly pushed aside for his because omg he feels bad. I don't know. I don't want to deal with it. I'm tired of being scared and uncomfortable with sharing how I feel. I'm tired of feeling so much, period. I just want to be a robot. Or go away. Going away would be good too. 

 

It's easy to stick to not eating like shit when you're distracted, so I did fine other than not resting my ankle.

 

Week 1 Progress:

Spoiler

Weeklies

 Thesis edits submitted by Thursday

 SQL Basics Course

 Chapter in Python book

 Arc practice test

Monday

 Rest  Ice  Elevation

Tuesday

 Vegan  No delivery/restaurant food  16:8  No sweets  No Alcohol  Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Elevation

Wednesday

 Vegan  No delivery/restaurant food  16:8  No sweets  No Alcohol  Under calories

☒ Rest  Ice  Elevation

Thursday

☐ Vegan  No delivery/restaurant food  16:8 ☐ No sweets ☐ No Alcohol ☐ Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Elevation

Friday

☐ Vegan ☐ No delivery/restaurant food ☐ 16:8 ☐ No sweets ☐ No Alcohol ☐ Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Compression ☐ Elevation

  Job Hunting

Saturday 

Hedonism Day

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Compression ☐ Elevation

Sunday *Weigh Day

☐ Vegan ☐ No delivery/restaurant food ☐ 16:8 ☐ No sweets ☐ No Alcohol ☐ Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Compression ☐ Elevation

  • Like 1

La esperanza del fénix puede abrirse camino a través de los cielos del desierto y aún desafiar el rencor de la fortuna; revivir de las cenizas y levantarse.

Miguel de Cervantes

SeraphinaLevel 3 scrub.

Seraphina Rises [Battle Log] | Drawing on the Power of Plants [Vegan Recipe Book]

Seraphina Might Be Using Magic [Still a Ranger, Promise] || Past Challenges: 1 | 2 | 3

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Def following you. Not just for the PCOS connection : p

 

I too love spreadsheets (although I lack the discipline for daily tracking, I so wish I could keep up with it), am finishing graduate school, build my own computers, and enjoy reading and anime. LOL I even use the SnoreLab app.

 

Sorry you're having a rough day today but stick with it as best you can. Sorry your bf isn't offering much support at the moment. I hope that gets better.

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2 hours ago, Elice.Brigadd said:

Def following you. Not just for the PCOS connection : p

 

I too love spreadsheets (although I lack the discipline for daily tracking, I so wish I could keep up with it), am finishing graduate school, build my own computers, and enjoy reading and anime. LOL I even use the SnoreLab app.

 

Sorry you're having a rough day today but stick with it as best you can. Sorry your bf isn't offering much support at the moment. I hope that gets better.

 

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OMG, we are definitely a lot alike! Definitely going to follow you back :P And thank you!

La esperanza del fénix puede abrirse camino a través de los cielos del desierto y aún desafiar el rencor de la fortuna; revivir de las cenizas y levantarse.

Miguel de Cervantes

SeraphinaLevel 3 scrub.

Seraphina Rises [Battle Log] | Drawing on the Power of Plants [Vegan Recipe Book]

Seraphina Might Be Using Magic [Still a Ranger, Promise] || Past Challenges: 1 | 2 | 3

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Things are slightly better.... Had kind of an epiphany sort of thing with the bf. A lot of what happened between us recently was the result of my lack of patience. Granted, I'm keeping him accountable for the times he hurts me, but in order for things to be less hellish for both of us it's important to keep things in context. Dude has a lot of baggage. His anxiety problems are serious. He gets chest pains and burning tongue and overreacts a lot. I'm pretty dramatic/high-stress, so it's not a good combination. Part of me gets embittered by the idea that I have to be someone else's emotional/relational educator. It's exhausting, but as long as I'm with him that's how it will be. Sometimes I also just think we're badly matched and I should just give up. And then I want to curl into a little ball and disappear. 

 

Sigh. Gonna change the subject now.

 

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Computer is still not working. Something about drivers and Windows 7 fuckery because Microsoft is passively aggressively trying to bully everyone who hesitated to update to Windows 10 into paying for their Big Brother: Windows Edition, so they're bullying hardware companies into making it incredibly difficult for PC builders to update their parts if they're still using Windows 7. I wish I had money so I could pay someone else to deal with this for me, haha. I've wasted 2 whole evenings and spent almost $600 on parts at this point. So it's still a headache.

 

Onto goal things.

 

GOAL 1: MENTAL BANISHING SPELL

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Picture the bug as body dysmorphia, yep.

 

Social stuff happened... Happy hour after work on Thursday somewhat derailed my 4-day strictly healthy (term used in place of "diet" because dieting is toxic) interval, but I plodded on because I stayed on track for the 4th day and was on track the other days. It was a social thing, and I tend to be more forgiving about those because I'm really not that social. Those happy hours are literally quarterly, and I most likely will no longer be working there by the next one. 

 

Today is hedonism day and I am eating fried chicken and banana pudding, and having sweet summer wine tonight, because that's what I'm about. Nervous about the weigh-in tomorrow because I fear I've gained weight again. Idk, I have pretty bad body dysmorphia that goes in both directions, so I can't really judge it by how I think I look or even the fit of clothes. I am eating so much fiber on the vegan stuff that I'm super bloated by the end of the day, which also happens at the end of a cheat day for different reasons (sugar & salt, lol). So I feel bloated and gross all the time... makes it really hard to judge how I'm actually doing.

 

GOAL 2: RITUAL OF RESTORATION

Willow-Rosenberg-Fan-Art-willow-rosenber

 

I haven't been so good about ice & elevation with my ankle, but resting seems to be making it better. I took a short walk to the store yesterday (for more computer shit, ha) and didn't have the pain I felt on Wednesday. I got a compression wrap to keep on it during the day. I'm hoping to do a couple of 30 minute walks spaced a couple days apart next week with the wrap on and keep gradually working my way up from there.

 

GOAL 3: CAROLINA'S GRASP

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Still plugging away, job hunting & applying. I have a couple of job leads, which is nice. Just phone calls, not interviews. We'll see what happens there, but it is encouraging. I'm glad I'm brushing up on programming and practicing GIS weekly, I think that will help me feel prepared and qualified when I show up to interviews. Plus a lot of them require passing skills tests. And drug tests. I miss my legal weed and the anti-inflammation and anxiety/stress relief it provides. :| The world is a dumb place, mostly.

 

Week 1 Progress:

Spoiler

Weeklies

 Thesis edits submitted by Thursday

 SQL Basics Course

 Chapter in Python book

 Arc practice test

Monday

 Rest  Ice  Elevation

Tuesday

 Vegan  No delivery/restaurant food  16:8  No sweets  No Alcohol  Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Elevation

Wednesday

 Vegan  No delivery/restaurant food  16:8  No sweets  No Alcohol  Under calories

☒ Rest  Ice  Elevation

Thursday

☐ Vegan  No delivery  16:8 ☐ No sweets ☐ No Alcohol ☐ Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Elevation

Friday

 Vegan  No delivery/restaurant food  16:8  No sweets  No Alcohol  Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice ☐ Compression ☐ Elevation

  Job Hunting

Saturday 

Hedonism Day

 Rest ☐ Ice  Compression  Elevation

Sunday *Weigh Day

 Vegan  No delivery/restaurant food  16:8  No sweets  No Alcohol  Under calories

 Rest ☐ Ice  Compression ☐ Elevation

 

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Me irl

 

Mostly I just want it to not be summer. I'm not ready to be hot all the time. I wish I felt comfortable enough with/in my body to wear shorts and tank tops. I really don't

  • Like 2

La esperanza del fénix puede abrirse camino a través de los cielos del desierto y aún desafiar el rencor de la fortuna; revivir de las cenizas y levantarse.

Miguel de Cervantes

SeraphinaLevel 3 scrub.

Seraphina Rises [Battle Log] | Drawing on the Power of Plants [Vegan Recipe Book]

Seraphina Might Be Using Magic [Still a Ranger, Promise] || Past Challenges: 1 | 2 | 3

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I can't sleep, so here I am wheeeeeeee

 

When-She-Friend-Who-Secretly-Has-Wild-Si

 

Week 1 Report Card:

Food goal: 26/30 = 86% B+

Recovery goal: 13/24 = 54% F

Job hunting goal: 3/5 = 60% D-

 

So, I kinda sucked at the recovery goal and didn't spend much time practicing skills related to job hunting. I keep forgetting ice & elevation. I bought one of those ankle ice pack wraps, so I'm just going to put that on at night once it gets here. In my defense, I can't do the skills practice without GIS software, and my laptop can't handle GIS software. My lack of a PC is hurting me in more ways than one. I just spent another $300 on parts.... hoping that things will work out this time. I found out the stuff I bought before is non-refundable, so that's a barrel of laughs.

 

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Onwards, to week 2.

 

GOAL 1: MENTAL BANISHING SPELL

In the end, I did nothing but gain weight in May. So... the game has changed somewhat. I have concluded after the recent experiments that I really can't have that many carbs. As good as they make me feel physically compared to the constant dragging of ass that low carb causes, I can't lose weight and consume that many carbs simultaneously. So now I'm playing the game of "how many carbs can I eat and still lose weight," starting high ("high" being what normal people eat) and gradual. It sucks that avoiding sweets and alcohol, counting calories, and intermittent fasting isn't enough. I have to go further, and be more strict, to lose weight. Yay PCOS, it's super cool. Doesn't make me feel totally hopeless and want to drop myself off a roof or nothin. Cool.

 

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Interrupting Willow time for this very important picture

 

GOAL 2: RITUAL OF RESTORATION

Despite my slackage last week and somewhat non-compliance with doctor's orders, my ankle feels better. It doesn't hurt anymore. Still swelling nightly and generally feels tight, but I imagine if I remember to ice it, that would probably get better. This week I'm going to try short walks, spaced apart as needed. 15 minutes at a time or so. 

 

GOAL 3: CAROLINA'S GRASP

Recent job leads didn't pan out. Plugging on and trying not to get down on myself is the name of the game. It's hard not to feel worthless in the face of so much abject rejection. It's hard not to feel like I'm just going to get stuck in that negative feedback loop of "I have no experience so no one will hire me and I can't get experience because no one will hire me". Being discouraged this early is never a good sign, but my life is a ticking time bomb at this point. My ability to pay rent and keep myself afloat implodes in approximately T - 90 days. The fact that I have two Masters degrees and can't manage to find a job in a city with a booming job market just makes me feel like I'm a joke. Over-educated idiot trashcan of a person.

 

Week 2 Plans

Spoiler

Weeklies

 SQL Basics Course

 Portfolio writing samples

 Job Hunting 

Monday

 16:8  Under calories

 Compression  Ice  Elevation

Tuesday

☐ Under carbs  16:8 ☐ Under calories

  Compression  Ice   Elevation

Wednesday

 16:8 ☐ Under calories

  Compression  Ice  Elevation

Thursday

☐ Under carbs ☐ 16:8 ☐ Under calories

 Compression  Ice  Elevation

Friday

☐ 16:8 ☐ Under calories

 Compression  Ice  Elevation

Saturday 

Hedonism Day

 Compression  Ice  Elevation

Sunday

☐ Under carbs ☐ 16:8 ☐ Under calories

 Compression  Ice  Elevation

 

 

  • Like 5

La esperanza del fénix puede abrirse camino a través de los cielos del desierto y aún desafiar el rencor de la fortuna; revivir de las cenizas y levantarse.

Miguel de Cervantes

SeraphinaLevel 3 scrub.

Seraphina Rises [Battle Log] | Drawing on the Power of Plants [Vegan Recipe Book]

Seraphina Might Be Using Magic [Still a Ranger, Promise] || Past Challenges: 1 | 2 | 3

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So sorry you're struggling on the job front. It really sucks to be stuck in that BS loop that most of us find ourselves in at some point or another. I don't know much about the field you're looking to work in, but can you find any volunteer opportunities? It won't help pay the rent, but may hep get some "experience" to pad out your resume or CV. If there's a certain company or group you'd love to work for, you can try to reach out to them and see if they allow people to shadow their employees or a short term non-school-related internship? Anything to get your foot in the door. Sorry, these suggestions may make no sense in your field : / Wishing you luck either way.

 

 

I feel you on the carb front. It sucks so so so so so much to be playing on legendary mode when it comes to weight loss. I feel like we can combine every working strategy people use, follow it religiously for years, and still make barely any progress unless we go on a super strict meal plan which you can only stick with for so long. Just know you're not alone in your struggles.

 

 

BTW I <3 your check boxes for your weekly progress check. Can you do that right in the forum or do you copy and paste from different software?

  • Like 1
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I remember the suckage of trying to find a job out of college. For me especially once I got my masters because I was "over qualified" for entry level but didn't have experience needed for anything else. I ended up working with temp agencies, with a wide range of results but it kept me employed until one finally found me my current job. You may not be able to get GIS work through temp agencies but if you get to where you need an income it might be a place to look.

 

I used to follow someone on facebook called "Go Kaleo" (a jab at the kale and paleo fads) who is a woman with PCOS who managed to lose quite a bit of weight and put on some muscle. I haven't followed her in quite a while but you might track her down and see what worked for her, or at least get some motivation that playing the game of life in hard mode is possible.

  • Like 4
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On 6/2/2018 at 1:29 PM, Seraphina said:

 

Things are slightly better.... Had kind of an epiphany sort of thing with the bf. A lot of what happened between us recently was the result of my lack of patience. Granted, I'm keeping him accountable for the times he hurts me, but in order for things to be less hellish for both of us it's important to keep things in context. Dude has a lot of baggage. His anxiety problems are serious. He gets chest pains and burning tongue and overreacts a lot. I'm pretty dramatic/high-stress, so it's not a good combination. Part of me gets embittered by the idea that I have to be someone else's emotional/relational educator. It's exhausting, but as long as I'm with him that's how it will be. Sometimes I also just think we're badly matched and I should just give up. And then I want to curl into a little ball and disappear. 

 

 

Ooh I so feel you here. My bf had a very abusive childhood, and has gone through a lot of rough stuff in his teen and adult years as well, so he needs a lot of reassurance of love and progress, and also physical affection and communication.

I am a terrible communicator, show very little physical affection, tend to retreat into myself, and get annoyed when pushed to work on things.

So it really feels like we're the opposite of what the other needs. Despite that we love each other and have been working on this relationship for 20 years, so even though we're "badly matched" the idea of giving up on it is crushing. I hope you're able to make progress together.

  • Like 2
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18 hours ago, Rusk said:

cheer-up-meme-9-248x300.jpg

 

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough patch.

Thank you!!! I want to hug all the grumpy cats :P

 

10 hours ago, Elice.Brigadd said:

So sorry you're struggling on the job front. It really sucks to be stuck in that BS loop that most of us find ourselves in at some point or another. I don't know much about the field you're looking to work in, but can you find any volunteer opportunities? It won't help pay the rent, but may hep get some "experience" to pad out your resume or CV. If there's a certain company or group you'd love to work for, you can try to reach out to them and see if they allow people to shadow their employees or a short term non-school-related internship? Anything to get your foot in the door. Sorry, these suggestions may make no sense in your field : / Wishing you luck either way.

 

 

I feel you on the carb front. It sucks so so so so so much to be playing on legendary mode when it comes to weight loss. I feel like we can combine every working strategy people use, follow it religiously for years, and still make barely any progress unless we go on a super strict meal plan which you can only stick with for so long. Just know you're not alone in your struggles.

 

 

BTW I <3 your check boxes for your weekly progress check. Can you do that right in the forum or do you copy and paste from different software?

Thanks! I'm looking at GIS analyst jobs or jobs involving education and outreach for either geography or environmental science (my first career/masters degree was in education). I agree about the volunteer opportunities.... Right now I am working at a full-time job, though, so I really can't get into that. About 10% of what I do right now is GIS, so at least I am gaining experience, even if it isn't a lot. I can fall back on teaching, but it would be more like teaching night classes to adults or community college classes. I have 0 interest in setting foot in a public school as a teacher ever again. 

 

I'm playing with carb cycling, so I'll let you know how that goes for me. Maybe it's something you can try as well. It's definitely less depressing and less hard on the body than full-time low carb. 

 

The checkboxes are unicode symbols that can be copied and pasted. There are lots of websites out there that list them... Wikipedia is probably best because they organize the symbols by category.  snowman and his tiny snowman friend are my favorite, lol. I edit the colors using the text editor right here in the forums :) 

 

10 hours ago, Maigahane said:

I remember the suckage of trying to find a job out of college. For me especially once I got my masters because I was "over qualified" for entry level but didn't have experience needed for anything else. I ended up working with temp agencies, with a wide range of results but it kept me employed until one finally found me my current job. You may not be able to get GIS work through temp agencies but if you get to where you need an income it might be a place to look.

 

I used to follow someone on facebook called "Go Kaleo" (a jab at the kale and paleo fads) who is a woman with PCOS who managed to lose quite a bit of weight and put on some muscle. I haven't followed her in quite a while but you might track her down and see what worked for her, or at least get some motivation that playing the game of life in hard mode is possible.

IT SUCKS SO BAD, WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF 3 TIMES???!!?!?! lol I think that's part of the problem is now I appear "super over-qualified" for everything. I don't even put my 2nd masters degree on my resume unless I'm applying for something where they both make me more qualified for that position. 

 

Thanks for the info! I'll have to check that lady out :D (purposely worded in the most awkward way possible).

 

10 hours ago, Elice.Brigadd said:

 

Ooh I so feel you here. My bf had a very abusive childhood, and has gone through a lot of rough stuff in his teen and adult years as well, so he needs a lot of reassurance of love and progress, and also physical affection and communication.

I am a terrible communicator, show very little physical affection, tend to retreat into myself, and get annoyed when pushed to work on things.

So it really feels like we're the opposite of what the other needs. Despite that we love each other and have been working on this relationship for 20 years, so even though we're "badly matched" the idea of giving up on it is crushing. I hope you're able to make progress together.

 

Yeah :( we've talked about it a couple of times, and both of us feel like, at least right now, we don't want to break up. It doesn't help that my previous relationship (before the breakup, which was both fast and terrible) was the opposite of this one. It was easy. We co-existed in harmony and intuitively understood one another. And then bipolar happened (to him). That's a whole story, though.

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Hi.

 

Oh boy do I get the job hunt struggles. I'm not the opposite end of the spectrum though, with my college diploma but some graphic design experience. You'll push a lot but there will be a break. You just need to hold on, which yeah is rough and not nearly as easy as the words make it sound but you got this.

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On 6/6/2018 at 10:58 AM, Echocheanic said:

Hi.

 

Oh boy do I get the job hunt struggles. I'm not the opposite end of the spectrum though, with my college diploma but some graphic design experience. You'll push a lot but there will be a break. You just need to hold on, which yeah is rough and not nearly as easy as the words make it sound but you got this.

giphy.gif.2421043ea5f823e23751dd9df09aacb7.gif

The struggle is real! It's hard to see jobs you really want that you feel like are the right fit for you, and to not get too invested/get your hopes up.

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La esperanza del fénix puede abrirse camino a través de los cielos del desierto y aún desafiar el rencor de la fortuna; revivir de las cenizas y levantarse.

Miguel de Cervantes

SeraphinaLevel 3 scrub.

Seraphina Rises [Battle Log] | Drawing on the Power of Plants [Vegan Recipe Book]

Seraphina Might Be Using Magic [Still a Ranger, Promise] || Past Challenges: 1 | 2 | 3

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Journaly post, inc

 

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my life. I'm about to have some big changes happen for me, and while I'm excited for them, there are other things that I want to change. I was talking about my relationship to my brother last night. I talked about how there's this "layer" to my boyfriend's behavior and interactions with me that is dark and scary and hurtful. He was shocked at some of the things I told him about my boyfriend's behavior and things he's said to me. My boyfriend has been very sweet and charming to my friends and family, but behind closed doors and when things are stressful, he's caustic. My brother is a social worker/counselor in training, and he told me that a lot of the behaviors resemble someone who has Antisocial Personality Disorder. I read about it some more, and it clicked for me. Not that I would diagnose him or ever share this with him, but it makes a lot of sense and explains a lot.

 

I've given this a lot of thought, and there's not much holding me back from ending this relationship. In fact, when I think about it today, I feel really happy. I feel like it's the right decision. I no longer have any hesitation or fear about it. But, I am afraid of putting myself in a precarious situation with him. My plan to approach ending it is to tell him that I want to focus on myself and that I feel that we would be better as friends. I don't think he could argue much with that. We really don't get along well, and, whether he's willing to admit it or not, he's not really attracted to me. I definitely will not bring up that it's really that his behavior scares me more than anything else. I've put a lot of effort into maintaining this relationship, but I haven't really received much. I was hoping when he finally got a car that he would be here more often. He has been here 3 times in the 4 months since he's had a car. For reference, we live 6 hours apart. I still have to beg for affection, and I still feel like he's repulsed by my body. The last time I brought it up, he said, "I don't know why you want that lovey-dovey BULLSHIT. It's not real and it doesn't last."

 

Yeah, I feel pretty good about leaving that behind, even if I never have another relationship again. 

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La esperanza del fénix puede abrirse camino a través de los cielos del desierto y aún desafiar el rencor de la fortuna; revivir de las cenizas y levantarse.

Miguel de Cervantes

SeraphinaLevel 3 scrub.

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31 minutes ago, Rusk said:

mmmmmm-no-title_o_829576.jpg

 

Wishing you strength, sister.

Haha, you're fine. I wouldn't think anyone here would "like" my sadness. 

 

And thank you... I'm definitely going to need it.

La esperanza del fénix puede abrirse camino a través de los cielos del desierto y aún desafiar el rencor de la fortuna; revivir de las cenizas y levantarse.

Miguel de Cervantes

SeraphinaLevel 3 scrub.

Seraphina Rises [Battle Log] | Drawing on the Power of Plants [Vegan Recipe Book]

Seraphina Might Be Using Magic [Still a Ranger, Promise] || Past Challenges: 1 | 2 | 3

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As an outsider who only knows what you've posted on NF I think it sounds like the right decision. A HARD one, but right. It didn't sound like you guys had a healthy dynamic and that you were staying partially because you'd invested so much time and energy into it. In the Finance world we call that a "sunk cost fallacy", that what you've paid for something (in dollars, time, and/or energy) is what it's worth, but that's definitely not always the case.

 

1 hour ago, Seraphina said:

But, I am afraid of putting myself in a precarious situation with him. My plan to approach ending it is to tell him that I want to focus on myself and that I feel that we would be better as friends.

And this makes it sound like he might retaliate against you. Physically? Please take care of yourself

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