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fleaball

Fleaball: Under Construction

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Yes, hello, Flea here, grudgingly emerging from the shadows. If anyone's new here, welcome to the crazy. The last year and a half of my life has been the biggest shitshow ever. My physical and mental health are literally the worst they've ever been. I think I said in a previous thread that I've been collecting diagnoses like Pokemon, and that hasn't really stopped. Since the beginning of the year: depression, PTSD, IBS, prediabetes (technically, although my doctor handwaved it), something else I feel like I'm forgetting? My diet is shit; cheese and white carbs are my main food groups, because comfort food. I'm due for a cholesterol test at the end of July and there's no way it's not terrible. Asthma and acid reflux have gotten worse, my heart rate's at the very top of acceptable. All kinds of fun stuff. Plus shitty mental health, so of course doing anything that might make me feel better generally feels impossible. I've been seeing a therapist for a few months and while we're making progress digging into my issues, I can't actually work at them unless I start forcing myself to take care of myself. The shitty part is that everything is interrelated. I'd feel better physically if I were more active, but between my weight and the asthma that's a lot of effort. Eating a vegetable once in a while would make me feel better and help with the weight thing, but whoops there's a lot of PTSD around food. (Fun fact: It's entirely possible that I'll cry if you tell me I need to go grocery shopping.) Working on my mental health would help with everything else, but after doing my best impression of a human being I have zero spoons left for unpacking trauma. So it's all a tangled mess. 

 

But! Lately I've been feeling like maybe it's time to work on my shit. There's still a huge gap between wanting to do the things and actually getting the things done, but baby steps, right? (Spoiler: I loathe baby steps.) So this challenge is about doing small things and building a foundation to work from in the future. Hence the title. And hey, maybe while building this foundation I can bury some of the shitty things in concrete so they're never seen or heard from again.

 

Was that too much? Right, okay. Moving on. 

 

Goals: 

  1. Exercise 3 times per week: 1 aqua fitness class, 2 trips to the gym to use the exercise bike + do leg things.
  2. Go dairy free. I may love cheese, but cheese does not love me. 
  3. Track food using MyFitnessPal. Less for judgmental purposes, more to make sure I'm getting enough of the right things.  Meditate every day.
  4. Journal for 5 minutes every day. 

 

edit: above goals are for the first two weeks, because I've realized halfway through that they're not working. 

 

Week 3-4 Goals:

  1. Eat some kind of food within 30 minutes of waking up.
  2. Track 75% of the food I eat daily.
  3. Meditate every day.
  4. Journal for 5 minutes every day.

 

Handy dandy spreadsheet. Feel free to copy and modify for your own purposes.

 

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Now that I've made two posts I have no idea where to stick this bit, so it's getting its own post. I DO WHAT I WANT.

 

Anyway. So I'm still not like, 100% enthusiastic about being here. As usual, I care about people but the thought of engaging and checking out other threads has me hissing and retreating into a cave. And I hate it. But I'm hoping that being here and having an actual challenge will make me more invested in other people again. ("I'm making progress! You're making progress! Let's make progress together! And if you're not then I'll throw confetti at you anyway!") So fair warning I might be kind of an isolated jerkface while I adjust to interacting with actual humans again. 

 

Also @Sylvaa, @NeverThatBored, and @Severine let me cry and flail at them a lot so they're also to blame for my coming back. This is why you don't give your phone number to strangers on the internet, kids.

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tumblr_nyl6n08WqD1v0sbg3o1_400.gif

 

If I tell you I has a new kitten will you visit? 

And you're telling me I'm too polite because I didn't stalk you even though I have your number too? :ph34r: (I stalk even though I'm more subtle about it)

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the-coolest-construction-worker-costume-

 

3 hours ago, fleaball said:

Also @Sylvaa, @NeverThatBored, and @Severine let me cry and flail at them a lot so they're also to blame for my coming back. This is why you don't give your phone number to strangers on the internet, kids.

 

No, this is EXACTLY why you give your number to strangers on the internet! :love_heart:

 

Also, because they encourage you to do crazy things. Or maybe that is just me....

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Quote
  1. Go dairy free. I may love cheese, but cheese does not love me. 

 

I'm about to find out if cheese/dairy is playing a role in some shitty stuff on my end for this challenge too - so yay non-dairy buddies? (This legit might be a time where I actually cry over spilled milk... I've never gone dairy free before. Ever.)

 

Sincerely though, I'm glad to see you back :) I would post cat gifs but I'm at work. There will be more tonight. Oh yes.

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9 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Hi, following of course :)

 

Glad to see you around again

hi hi!

 

8 hours ago, RES said:

tumblr_nyl6n08WqD1v0sbg3o1_400.gif

 

If I tell you I has a new kitten will you visit? 

And you're telling me I'm too polite because I didn't stalk you even though I have your number too? :ph34r: (I stalk even though I'm more subtle about it)

I've seen the photos and I want to steal it omg. If I were to visit you it would have to be in the winter, because I'm rather fond of breathing but it's hard to do in humidity. 

 

I'm not sure I'd ever accuse you of being too polite. =P I still have a text from you from 2 years ago telling me to get back on here and I kept noticing it, so you were there in spirit?

 

7 hours ago, Rookie said:

OMG YES 

oh hai!

 

7 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

the-coolest-construction-worker-costume-

 

 

No, this is EXACTLY why you give your number to strangers on the internet! :love_heart:

 

Also, because they encourage you to do crazy things. Or maybe that is just me....

You're definitely a bad influence, there's no question there.

 

6 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

Flea is back, Flea is back! Sound the cat alarms!

 

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Kittieeeeessss

 

5 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Welcome back.

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Image result for welcome back cat gif

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<3

 

4 hours ago, Annabelle said:

 

I'm about to find out if cheese/dairy is playing a role in some shitty stuff on my end for this challenge too - so yay non-dairy buddies? (This legit might be a time where I actually cry over spilled milk... I've never gone dairy free before. Ever.)

 

Sincerely though, I'm glad to see you back :) I would post cat gifs but I'm at work. There will be more tonight. Oh yes.

Yay buddies! Idk what your issues are, but fwiw I've dropped dairy a few times and noticed a huge difference in how I felt. I keep going back to it mostly out of convenience more than anything, but at the cost of feeling like death. I hope you figure out your issues, but I also hope it's not dairy-related if that's going to make you sad!

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Who remembers last year's Root Canal from Hell? In about 12 hours I'm getting an implant to replace that tooth. Nbd, just having a giant screw thing shoved into my jaw over the course of an hour and a half. 

 

On the first fucking day of my period. I've been on the pill for almost two goddamn years and have yet to realize that I should pay attention to when each pack runs out. Of course this just gets added to the list of horribly inconvenient times to start bleeding, highlights of which include the day before of day of every single transatlantic flight I've ever taken, and also at senior prom. At least I was wearing a pink dress? 

 

I'm already freaking out about this implant. I'm not really worried and I'm not afraid of the dentist, but anxiety doesn't need a reason anyway right? But I hate that it's going to be such a long process, and I hate having to just sit there with my mouth open the whole time, and I hate hearing the drills and shit and being aware of everything. And I hate that everything they put in my mouth feels so much bigger than it actually is. (You're welcome.) But for real like, they use the teeny tiny sharp scrapey thing and it feels like "MWAHAHA SLEDGEHAMMER IN YOUR MOUTH" which just makes me more nervous because what the fuck do you need something that big for?? 

 

Huh. I just realized that maybe it won't hurt quite as much as I'm expecting because it's all zombie bone in that area and that bit of nerve is gone. Getting that root canal hurt like a motherfucker each time they did it. 

 

Bah. Anyway. Gonna watch another episode of Merlin to calm down and then go to bed. Maybe I'll be tired enough to fall asleep at the dentist. >> 

 

edit: First rambly post with no direct relevance to the challenge. Flea thread is now official!

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21 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Who remembers last year's Root Canal from Hell? In about 12 hours I'm getting an implant to replace that tooth. 

I remember that.  In an act of solidarity, I went and had a double root canal a week ago, and will need to go in this weekend to finish the procedure.  They still haven't started working on the crown yet, so I expect I am going to end up with another temporary until that gets finished.  Sooooo looking forward to using only the left side of my mouth for a month.

 

I went to go Google some cat gifs because root canals are depressing, but my VPN just died :(  

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23 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

I remember that.  In an act of solidarity, I went and had a double root canal a week ago, and will need to go in this weekend to finish the procedure.  They still haven't started working on the crown yet, so I expect I am going to end up with another temporary until that gets finished.  Sooooo looking forward to using only the left side of my mouth for a month.

 

I went to go Google some cat gifs because root canals are depressing, but my VPN just died :(  

Aaaaagh gross. My sympathies. 

 

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Corona-Dentist.jpg

 

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I've been a bad guild leader lately but I too am trying to be more present this round so hiiiii welcome back ily

 

Good luck as always with your changes and challenges and lmk if you need anything! 

 

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I was going to need a root canal. I went to a endodontist and was going along when the guy stopped. I remember thinking "that was really fast!" Then I found out the tooth was going to have to be pulled eventually, so the surgeon said he wasn't going to do anymore since it would be futile and he didn't want me to have to pay for the extra work. Getting a tooth pulled is not fun, but tolerable, and way simpler than the way I've heard root canals described.

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I was going to need a root canal. I went to a endodontist and was going along when the guy stopped. I remember thinking "that was really fast!" Then I found out the tooth was going to have to be pulled eventually, so the surgeon said he wasn't going to do anymore since it would be futile and he didn't want me to have to pay for the extra work. Getting a tooth pulled is not fun, but tolerable, and way simpler than the way I've heard root canals described.

Jealous! I wanted my tooth pulled and they were like “nooooo that’s such a bad idea don’t do it” so of course it came out anyway. >_> Root canals are obnoxious. 

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1 minute ago, fleaball said:

I have a very small mouth and a strong tongue, apparently.

 

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In before Tank....

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1 hour ago, Sylvaa said:

 

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In before Tank....

As soon as he told me that I was like "yup, that's going online. I wonder who's going to reply first?" I was not disappointed.

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