Not all those who wander are lost...

[Stickman_11]

But I am totally lost.  And as a member of the male persuasion, I have a hard time admitting that fact.  

 

I guess I could start at the beginning, but it was a long time ago.  And fairly irrelevant to anyone without a degree in counseling.  So I will start with this week.

 

I went on vacation this week with my kids.  They don't live with me, so it is extremely special when I get to spend extended time with them.  We went to Branson, MO for a family reunion and to visit the amusement park down there.  My kids are still somewhat little (though growing up WAY too fast) and they aren't yet captivated by the fastest and scariest roller coasters.  Which is fine by me.  But, like their father, they do enjoy a little thrill in their lives.  So they talked me into going on one of those rides that lift you up in the air and then drop you over and over.  It worked out well because each "side" of the ride had three seats and there were three of us, so I sat in the middle and prepared to comfort my terrified daughters as the ride slowly climbed to the top.  Except I didn't get to make that climb to the top. 

 

My harness wouldn't latch because my stomach got in the way. 

 

It was honestly the most humiliating thing I have ever gone through.  Sitting there on the ride, with everyone in line watching as two high school girls put their shoulders into the harness, trying to get it to close so I could ride.  My kids looking at me like "you better get it figured out, dad."  Eventually they gave up.  I had to get off the ride.  And my daughters, who were so excited to do this ride because I would be with them,  had no desire to ride alone.  So we made the walk of disappointment and shame- their disappointment, MY shame- out of the ride, past the lines of gawking people.  

 

I have never considered myself "fat".  I was always the athletic guy growing up.  I was in all sports, and played college volleyball.  My freshman year in college I was 170lbs and had 8% body fat.  I still have the mentality of an athlete, even though I don't have the body or willpower of one.  My weight has just slowly crept on over the last 15 years.  I hit 200, then 230, then 250.  

 

I am 5'11" and now weigh 280lbs.  I don't look like I weigh as much as I do (so I'm told by extremely polite people) so I have been able to pretend that I don't have a problem.  But I clearly have a problem.  I eat everything in sight.  At restaurants, I finish my meal, and then finish everything everyone else didn't eat.  I am sedentary. I haven't so much as gone for a long walk in almost a year.  Every year I make grand goals and have the best intentions.  Two years ago I was going to do a Tough Mudder.  But I procrastinated on my training and never got registered.  This year I was going to join the local club volleyball team.  But I am self conscious about my weight and never pulled the trigger.  It is overwhelming to me because I have to work on both diet and exercise at the same time.  I need to find a way to stop consuming 6000 calories a day and also go be active when I barely feel like getting off the couch.  

 

I guess what I am looking for here is accountability from someone who understands.  And to create new habits in my life and to be able to go on the damn ride with my kids.  

 

Note: I wrote this from a fairly emotional state, and have decided to not go back and edit it.  I apologize for any grammatical errors and any lack in clarity or continuity.

 

 

[Defining]

47 minutes ago, Stickman_11 said:

Every year I make grand goals and have the best intentions.  Two years ago I was going to do a Tough Mudder.  But I procrastinated on my training and never got registered.  This year I was going to join the local club volleyball team.  But I am self conscious about my weight and never pulled the trigger.  It is overwhelming to me because I have to work on both diet and exercise at the same time.  I need to find a way to stop consuming 6000 calories a day and also go be active when I barely feel like getting off the couch.  

Dude, you are definitely not alone. We all set goals, and then watch them pass by overhead, untouched. You've taken the hardest step - the first one. Everything else after this is progress, and every little change helps.

 

If you are feeling self conscious about your weight to the point of not wanting to participate in group activities (boy, can I relate!), then you can start out with stuff that's fun and effective on your own. But don't try a major overhaul of your life all at once - that's a recipe for disaster, failure, and more sham spiraling (ie. NOT FUN!). Little changes, al la toirtoise-style slow&steady, are the easiest way to get there without stumbling.

 

Go for a 20min walk outside every day - or 2x10min walks. You can bribe yourself to do it by listening to a favourite album or podcast! Just walking can make a huge difference in your energy and mindset.

 

Next: food. You're actually pretty lucky on this one, because you're a bigger dude so you can still eat a fair amount and still lose weight. Aim for 150-200g of protein every day (you may need to keep a food journal for a few weeks until you have a better idea of what that looks like) and 5-8 vegetable servings a day, plus 1 piece of fruit. Limit starchy portions (rice, pasta, potatoes, etc.) to the equivalent of a cupped hand, up to the size of your fist if you're still super hungry - 1 per meal, max 3/day. If you're having dessert, skip the starchy bit of your meal. And that's it. Rinse and repeat. You'll likely need to fine tune this eventually, but if you're regularly eating 3,000kcal+/day, this should definitely leave you with a caloric deficit to start losing fat.

 

This is a great bodyweight routine to start with, you can do it in privacy with minimal/no equipment: https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/beginner-body-weight-workout-burn-fat-build-muscle/

If it were me, I'd aim to try to do this circuit 3-4xweek  - but if you start out less often and build up to that, that's cool too! It's not all or nothing - it's nothing vs something. Always err on the side of the something.

 

Once you've stalled in fat loss/working out with these, I'm betting you'll feel a bit more confident about what direction you'll want to move forward in, and then it'll be time for a new plan! Welcome to the boards; go slow, be safe, and have fun!

 

 

[Sylvaa]

Welcome back! (That's right, I know you were here before - mwahahaha!).

 

You are here at a great time because we will be starting a new challenge shortly. It might be a great way to jump start some small changes! 

 

FWIW, I get where you are coming from with the embarrassment over amusement park rides. My husband has struggled with this also and it's not fun.  But coming back to the forums is a great first step! 

 

PS: If you want to do a Tough Mudder, there are some less challenging OCR's you could finish with some baseline training! There's a big group of us who do OCR's and love to talk about them (and recruit others to start!). 

[Trixie Falsae]

Hello and welcome!  I went ahead and signed up for an obstacle course race and used that as my motivation to get serious about training.  I am starting in October with the warrior dash since it is designed to be manageable by all skill levels.  I will still probably be showed up by my 60 year old father,  but as long as I finish I will be stoked. 

[ladyofthebog]

hey! i think you're brave and i'm so glad you are here also, LOTR person here too. do you have a challenge running this go? if so, please link