... "Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'"

[Jean]

6 hours ago, Jupiter said:

Hope tomorrow is better for you. 

 

It wasn't really a bad day, it's just that I must learn to protect my time and stop giving it away for causes I don't support just because they're poor at what they do and I could make their experience better. I've heard the strangest use of Mike Tyson's quote "everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth", meaning apparently for the people around here that since you're doomed not to be able to fully follow your plan, you are therefor absolved from planning at all, anticipating what will be needed and procuring it ahead of time... I guess Mike Tyson didn't prepare for his fights before climbing on the ring, I mean, he was going to get punched in the mouth anyway so, why bother?

 

Saturday, December 18:

Slept enough

Didn't eat enough.

Exercised.

 

I didn't go shopping and, as a result, my fridge is empty. I've dealt with it before but it still bothers me. Saturday is the very most valuable of all my days, I should stop throwing it away and sacrificing it easily.

[Jupiter]

6 hours ago, Jean said:

meaning apparently for the people around here that since you're doomed not to be able to fully follow your plan, you are therefor absolved from planning at all, anticipating what will be needed and procuring it ahead of time... I guess Mike Tyson didn't prepare for his fights before climbing on the ring, I mean, he was going to get punched in the mouth anyway so, why bother?

 

That sounds like a very...defeatist way to live/work? And very stressful. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

[Jean]

1 hour ago, Jupiter said:

That sounds like a very...defeatist way to live/work? And very stressful. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

 

Oh no, no, no! I guess I put it wrong, this, here, is Hobbiton, people are oblivious and joyful, living the life, not caring about what could happen. And it works! Which makes me question my own way of living because, well, maybe I'm just worrying too much. Then again, maybe The Shire needs an Arnor to protect them, lest they get run through by Black Knights and whatnot. I mean, it is the purpose of a fighter to protect innocence so that those who don't know war can live happy lives and thrive...

 

I don't know if I sound confusing, this all makes sense in my head but it's a complex picture. The bottom line is that one can run across a ravine as long as one doesn't look below to see they're walking on raw air, and people here are masters at not looking, while I'm not. xD

 

So, the way forward involves working on myself in order to be more in tune with the land and stop banging my head on the wall out of disbelief.

 

 

Sunday, December 19:

Slept enough

Ate enough.

Ran.

 

Today has been a rest day. It's been a very long time since I've let my body just relax without worries and it's done me a lot of good. Looking forward to doing more of this in the future.

 

 

[Scaly Freak]

8 hours ago, Jean said:

I've heard the strangest use of Mike Tyson's quote "everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth", meaning apparently for the people around here that since you're doomed not to be able to fully follow your plan, you are therefor absolved from planning at all, anticipating what will be needed and procuring it ahead of time... I guess Mike Tyson didn't prepare for his fights before climbing on the ring, I mean, he was going to get punched in the mouth anyway so, why bother?

 

No, that's actually true. No only that, in addition to never doing any kind of preparation, he also completely gave up as soon as his opponent punched him the mouth. That's why he lost every one of his fights and completely failed to have a successful career as a professional boxer. 🙄

 

Personally I prefer this quote, from another legendary boxer I am convinced would have beat Tyson if the two of them ever could have had a chance to face each other in their prime. 

 

[Jean]

Well, now you've done it! The internet is broken, I need 3 emoticons to react to your message and I can only use one. Here's my by-pass to the issue (crude but quickly done, I hope you'll forgive the imperfections):

 

That quote is as awesome as the person who spoke it. Thanks for that.

[Tobbe]

16 minutes ago, Jean said:

That quote is as awesome as the person who spoke it.

 

... and as awesome as the person who posted it! 

[Jupiter]

41 minutes ago, Jean said:

Oh no, no, no! I guess I put it wrong, this, here, is Hobbiton, people are oblivious and joyful, living the life, not caring about what could happen. And it works! Which makes me question my own way of living because, well, maybe I'm just worrying too much. Then again, maybe The Shire needs an Arnor to protect them, lest they get run through by Black Knights and whatnot. I mean, it is the purpose of a fighter to protect innocence so that those who don't know war can live happy lives and thrive...

 

I don't know if I sound confusing, this all makes sense in my head but it's a complex picture. The bottom line is that one can run across a ravine as long as one doesn't look below to see they're walking on raw air, and people here are masters at not looking, while I'm not. xD

 

So, the way forward involves working on myself in order to be more in tune with the land and stop banging my head on the wall out of disbelief.

 

Ah, I see now, maybe I just read it wrong before. 

[Jean]

Alright, letting go is good. Sleeping is good.

 

Monday, December 20:

Slept enough.

Ate enough.

Did my work hours.

Exercised.

 

I'm winning this. Now to recover while fighting and renew my energy and ability to plan.

[Jean]

Tuesday, December 21:

Slept enough.

Didn't eat enough.

Didn't do my work hours.

Ran.

[Jean]

Alright, I've got this.

 

Wednesday, December 22:

Slept enough.

Ate  enough.

Didn't do my work hours.

Exercised.

 

I'm getting even on the work hours front so I'll be able to take some pressure off there in the future. The trick will be smooth transitioning, I'll have to focus on that for a few weeks.

[Jean]

I'm not where I'd want to be, two days of rest have told me that I need a whole slew more. I wanted to start this year strong with a challenge but I'll focus on recovery instead and put no pressure on myself for the coming week.

 

Have a meaningful and fulfilling year 2022 and keep growing! I know I will, tiny step by tiny step.

 

Edit: Alright, starting now, I am Marie Kondoing my internet habits: 5 minutes into a Youtube/reading binge, I will ask myself "does this spark joy?" or "does this really bring something to me?" and if it doesn't, I will close the tab on my browser. This should be a huge quality of life improvement.

[RES]

5 hours ago, Jean said:

Edit: Alright, starting now, I am Marie Kondoing my internet habits: 5 minutes into a Youtube/reading binge, I will ask myself "does this spark joy?" or "does this really bring something to me?" and if it doesn't, I will close the tab on my browser. This should be a huge quality of life improvement.

Great idea!

[Unix]

Welcome back man. The holidays were not a good and productive period for me as well, but the year has just started, so let's smash it

[Jean]

Thanks! I'll smash it by applying this:

 

2022 resolution #2: refrain from immediately being a smartass. Walk away and let it cool down, if by the time you come back, you still want to react like a smartass, then be a smartass.

[RES]

3 hours ago, Jean said:

if by the time you come back, you still want to react like a smartass, then be a smartass.

I love this addition!

[juliebarkley]

On 1/2/2022 at 1:06 PM, Jean said:

Alright, starting now, I am Marie Kondoing my internet habits: 5 minutes into a Youtube/reading binge, I will ask myself "does this spark joy?" or "does this really bring something to me?" and if it doesn't, I will close the tab on my browser. This should be a huge quality of life improvement.

This is a brilliant application. I am sensing the need to steal from you...

 

Just wanted to say, I'm so happy to have found your thread. (I have finally caught up.) You have been through so much over the last few years, and yet you always keep fighting on, even when you're not sure you can. I've learned much from your philosophical asides, but also from observing your fierce but gentle spirit at work. Know that you are appreciated for who you are.

[Scaly Freak]

On 1/2/2022 at 11:06 AM, Jean said:

Edit: Alright, starting now, I am Marie Kondoing my internet habits: 5 minutes into a Youtube/reading binge, I will ask myself "does this spark joy?" or "does this really bring something to me?" and if it doesn't, I will close the tab on my browser. This should be a huge quality of life improvement.

 

I would suggest that if the answer to your second question is, "yes, lots of negativity", that should also be a reason to close that browser tab  

 

21 hours ago, Jean said:

2022 resolution #2: refrain from immediately being a smartass. Walk away and let it cool down, if by the time you come back, you still want to react like a smartass, then be a smartass.

 

[Jean]

33 minutes ago, Scaly Freak said:

I would suggest that if the answer to your second question is, "yes, lots of negativity", that should also be a reason to close that browser tab  

Awwww, but that's, like, half of my watching list! This is not what I was planning for, what am I supposed to do with that time?

 

 

12 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

I am sensing the need to steal from you...

Steal away! But only if it does spark joy.

 

 

12 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

You have been through so much over the last few years

I like to let the steam off when I come here but a lot of the pain is self inflicted. The only lesson in it is that I need to grow, and I have, and I will.

 

 

12 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

yet you always keep fighting on

Yep, that's me! Going on even if that means I may end up spending some time in a jail. I mean, isn't that what life is all about? It's the whole book that justifies the chapters, even the sad ones. If I let go every time it's tough, what kind of story would I be writing?

 

 

12 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

but also from observing your fierce but gentle spirit at work

Awwww, that's nice, thanks!

 

 

12 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

Know that you are appreciated for who you are.

And that feels awesome! Double thanks! I've got a powerful sad music video that goes something like that...

 

Now, this is no time to rest and sit on my butt:

 

2022 guideline #3

There has been a time for leniency and understanding, fighting off the beatings by taking them, the way of the tank. This was last year and it has served me well.

 

There is now no more room for excuses. What needs be done needs to get done. If I need to rest and recover, I must take the necessary time off, shut my phone and emails off, and rest and recover. If I must send an application for a given date, everything necessary for that application to reach the point where I'm actually proud of it and for it to be sent in time must be done. The deadlines I take on must be met. The deadlines I can’t meet must either not be taken at all, or be unequivocally set later, to a date where they can be met.

 

This year is a year for the way of the warrior. It starts with life hygiene:

 

• wake up early in the morning.
   

• eat, shower, brush my teeth, put on clean clothes, every day.
   

• pay myself with my time first: if I want to exercise, do it in the morning. If I want to go for a hike, take a headlamp and go for a hike. This takes precedence over everything else in the day.
   

• be efficient at work, prioritize, use indicators, be very graphic. Write things, draw things, cross things when they’re done. Keep it available and visible.
   

• take height and delegate. Organize things, open doors, make resources available, unlock access to people with the ability to solve the problems at hand but mostly use or hire others to do most of the field work. You’ve been a fighter and it has served you well. This is no more your station, get people the resources they need, check that the job gets done, plan, organize, check and keep people accountable, congratulate. People don’t need you to field the ranks, they need you to make sure they got all the ammo they need. Procure the ammo, get ready to organize an air strike, have the extraction convoy ready but let them do the field work. You can't shape a winning environment when you have your head in the mud.
   

• don’t slack outside of time dedicated to resting. Your house needs to be ordered and clean, your clothes need to be washed, you need to be taken care of.
   

• always clean and store your equipment after having used it. This is part of the task you've done with it and takes precedence on everything else. You are part of the routine: take care of yourself before storing you out for the night. Don't cut corners.

 

 

Areas of focus right now are:
 

• sleeping: there’s no way around it. Go to bed early, take planned naps if needs be.
   

• eating: don’t be cheap. Buy and cook portions of decent size. Don’t go to bed before having prepared:

  • the breakfast for the morning.

  • a couple of sandwiches for the morning break.

  • a packable meal for the lunch.
     

• living:

  • keep clean clothes. Right now, that means washing, drying and storing 6 items every day. Don't dodge around it, get it done.

  • keep a clean and ordered house. Right now, that means decluttering 4 square meters of surface every lunch break.
     

• clear your mind: wake up early and go for a walk/a hike in the morning, go for a hike during the weekend. Practice tai chi. That time is your time, use it for yourself.
   

• exercise: build up a strength, endurance and mobility training regimen. Run, exercise or hike in the early morning (this takes precedence over the last point on workdays).

 

 

 

Target for this year is finishing mountain leader training. That means :
 

• ordering a suitable first aid kit.

• filling my profile on the association’s website.

• staying in shape.

• calling a few people to get the mandatory 4 days of internship.

• take people with me on hikes and practice the trade.

 

 

Secondary targets :
 

• upgrade my living arrangements: rent or buy a place that fits my needs.

• get back outside, spend time with my friends, build a tribe, get back on the dating scene.

 

We need a theme song for this year. I suggest this one:

 

 

 

Let's rock like this world isn't prepared for it!

[Scaly Freak]

19 minutes ago, Jean said:

Awwww, but that's, like, half of my watching list! This is not what I was planning for, what am I supposed to do with that time?

 

Go outside and look at the sky.

 

That's a serious suggestion, it is almost creepy how mentally healing  it is to go outside and move around for a little while.

[Unix]

I decided to spend more on eating as well. Adding red meat is expensive but fuck it, its still your body

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Great challenge, love the music!

[Jean]

On 1/4/2022 at 9:49 PM, Jean said:

If I need to rest and recover, I must take the necessary time off, shut my phone and emails off, and rest and recover.

 

I'm already failing at this. I've taken 1.5 days off because I was dropping from fatigue and I'm already thinking about what I should do on Sunday in order to reach the targets I had for this week and handle correctly our global meeting on Monday morning. I'm basically considering trading my Sunday for a Friday while giving out a day of. This is very, very wrong and I must work on it.

 

Practice makes perfect, this has been my problem since I've taken this job. Most everything I've done since then with my holidays has been to deal with this issue (including and especially the mountain leader training - which I don't regret one bit but also come with a price tag attached). I don't know if I can find balance. I've got my focus but it hurts, acknowledging that I live for work, can't reach my targets and am sacrificing year after year (already considering sacrificing this one, which is very, very bad) for my job. And the more I go, the less efficient I'm feeling, the more I feel that I have to compensate for it.

 

At this point, I'm stuck. Building myself back up so that I can figure out the way forward should take precedence so I'll focus on not worrying, enjoying the weekend and sleeping. I have to climb out of this hole.

 

Edit:

As a reminder to myself, 2022 goals are:

• finish the mountain leader training, accumulate a few hours of practice to prepare for the license.
• move to a better flat/house that will actually suit my needs (points of contention are clothes washing amenities, enjoyable kitchen and shower room, storage space).

 

Staying employed is not one of them. Getting a monthly income is so that is the real target (and would be fulfilled by unemployment insurance in the short term if things turn sour).

[Unix]

still alive?

[Jean]

Thanks for checking in. I've been applying my principles and taking a few more days off, which has done me good and helped start to further my own goals. It took 5 full days to get back into something of an efficient-able state, so that bit was interesting...

 

I've worked today, the plan is to take a day to get up to date at work without outside perturbations at the end of all holidays, this can be done by getting back on Friday (1 day to prepare the next week, then the weekend) or Tuesday (no stressing Monday which is the day when everything must be done in my job).

 

I've taken home 3 key teachings so far:

• It is SUCH a gamechanger to be in a fit for performing state that I want/need to keep it rolling. I won't achieve anything meaningful in my personal life without getting it.
• If I want this to work, sleep is key. I must never, ever, sacrifice it. It comes first.
• Related to the previous point, caffeine hinders more than it helps. A couple of coffees in the morning is fine, handling stress through coffees consumption isn't.

I've got a good opportunity to pivot jobwise, I'm pondering chasing it. The alternative is growing in my current position, where I can become the go-to man in my company, which would carry its own set of benefits. That would be a bet that they manage to change their benefits structure going forward, I'm not sure I have that confidence (the main problems I have with my current job are long days, few holidays (for Swiss standards) and no gratitude toward employees/raises). A recent hire did 4 months by us (before finding a better position elsewhere) and already had multiple people complaining to her about that, which is a pretty strong signal by my standards. Evolve or die... my company is currently "dying".

 

Edit: alright, there is a fourth teaching, it is to reject laziness and procrastination and to always do the thing until it's done and to do it immediately when that is possible at all. Reading about the Japanese way of the sword could do me good.

 

Edit2: song for the mood:

 

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Love the music!