... "Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'"

[Jean]

Alright, back in battle log mode because there's some long term progress to be made. I'm still stuck in a situation I very much dislike and there's some heroics to do to get out of it.

 

First off, things are actually better than they've been these last few years. My mental shield has been battle-hardened to the point of efficiency. I can focus and make progress under pressure. This is a game changer. Let's put it to use.

 

There are four ways of progress that I want to pursue here:

 

Life hygiene

Lvl 1: drink water.

Lvl 2: eat balanced meals regularly.

Lvl 3: sleep 7h a night.

Lvl 4: practice Tai-chi as a morning routine.

 

Strength training

Lvl 1: go to the vita trail every other day.

Lvl 2: practice mini-workouts every other day.

Lvl 3: add assisted pull-ups to the mix.

Lvl 4: switch the assisted pull-ups to negative pull-ups.

Lvl 5: do a pull-up and add pull-ups to the routine.

 

Mobility and agility

Lvl 1: go to the vita trail every day.

Lvl2: run for 4*5 minutes every other day (alternating with strength training).

Lvl3: run for 4*5 minutes every day.

Lvl4: add agility exercises until I'm able to do front flips.

 

Language (German) learning

Lvl 1: listen to gaming walkthroughs in German.

Lvl 2: pick up 10 words to learn per week, carry them with me and work on them every day.

Lvl 3: go touring in German speaking parts of the land.

 

And now, I have to get a plan to actually get started on that and keep going on from then on...

 

 

Edit: I guess the logical way to tackle this is to start with:

 

• Drink 1l of water a day (just fill the damn bottle that's sitting on your desk, you numbtart!)
• Go to the vita trail every day. Nothing specific needs to be done there, just going  taking some slow time, smelling the air going through the trees. I don't need special clothes for that so I can go right after work.
• put walthroughs in german in the background when I play rather than some music.

 

That seems doable, we'll see if my shield mind-arm is strong enough to carry me through this.

[Scaly Freak]

 

 

[Jean]

A'right, mental shield on. This is working.

 

Monday, September 27

• Drink 1l of water check!
• Go to the vita trail check!
• listen to german videos check!

 

 

[Jean]

Walking the fine line between becoming crazy and surviving the game. I've got a battle plan, now to stick to it and steel my mind despite the unavoidable setbacks until it works.

 

Priority #1 is making work a place anchored in reality. I'm sick and tired of dealing with fantasy expectations. That means drawing a comprehensive picture of the situation, making it as clear as can be and vulgarizing it to the people coming to me with expectations until it sticks into their minds.

 

Priority #2 is sleep. Sleep deprivation is doing me no good and probably at the root of me slipping into crazyness.

 

Priority #3 is self betterment, learning things and opening options for my life going forward.

 

This must last me until the end of the year, then it's regrouping and setting up my options toward a real life. Everything on top of that is gravy.

 

Daily battle orders

9:30 pm : lights out, in bed, computer shut down, window open. That one obviously won't be done tonight (it's 11:40 pm) but I won't let perfect be the enemy of good.

4:30 am : getting up and out for working out / running.

5:30 am : maintenance : shower, breakfast, getting on my A game and out for work,

6.30 am : work

12:00 : eating and maintenance.

1:30 pm : back to work.

6:00 pm : get home, learning.

7:00 pm : eating and maintenance.

8:00 pm : leisures and relaxation.

9:30 pm : lights out.

 

The learning program has for codename : "Back to basics"

 

That means :

 

Maths

Physics

Chemistry

Biology

Astronomy

Geology

Local history

Law

 

And applied topics :

 

Botany

Animals

Mushrooms

Birds (I know, they're animals...)

Stars

Local geology

Mythology

Engineering

Survival skills

Military skills and tactics

 

It's a long way to go until I master all these topics but I'll never get there if I never start.

 

Let's crawl until the finish line.

 

 

 

 

 

[Tobbe]

I'm like "Ohh? 9:30pm, that's an early bedtime!" and then "OMG! 4:20am! WTF?! Now I see why he goes to bed at 9:30"

 

One thing I'm not seeing in your schedule is enough time for food stuffs. You only have an hour in the evening for cooking + eating dinner, and preparing lunch + snacks for the day after.

Also, are you really working 10 hours? (6:30 - 18:00, minus 1.5h lunch). What's the amount of hours you have in your contract?

[Jean]

5 hours ago, Tobbe said:

What's the amount of hours you have in your contract?

8.5h. Got things to do and a bunch of negative hours to get back. Amazing what a man can do when backed in a corner. Building up my options is my path forward, this is a part of it.

 

As for cooking and eating, there's 1h in the morning, 1.5h at noon and 1h in the evening. It's not like I can't do something else while my meal is cooking. 

 

This doesn't have to be sustainable, it just has to allow me to crawl forward. I've made fleeing forward my way of life.

 

 

[Tobbe]

19 minutes ago, Jean said:

As for cooking and eating, there's 1h in the morning, 1.5h at noon and 1h in the evening. 

 

I did notice you had a pretty substantial break at noon. If you're working from home that should be plenty of time to cook a decent lunch 👍

 

19 minutes ago, Jean said:

 It's not like I can't do something else while my meal is cooking. 

 

I usually try to clean up my mess from cooking. Sometimes I manage to do it, sometimes not  

[Scaly Freak]

5 hours ago, Jean said:

This doesn't have to be sustainable, it just has to allow me to crawl forward. I've made fleeing forward my way of life.

 

Is that the tactical opposite of "advancing backwards"?

[Jean]

6 hours ago, Tobbe said:

If you're working from home

I'm not. Not saying I'm having the worst employers on the planet but for a bunch of people claiming to be entrepreneurs, they certainly have a very poor understanding of how to handle human resources, financial resources and of modern management theories. xD

 

2 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Is that the tactical opposite of "advancing backwards"?

No idea. Does "advancing backwards" involves a deliberate and slow action toward non-defined and multiple pseudo-purposes opposite to where one's got a desire to go? If so, then yes, it is the tactical opposite of that. Just getting mechanical and limited thoughts while taking action in order to be in a position of strength and opportunity when I will actually take a tactical break. I'm confident I'll get there but I have to walk/crawl/run the path in the meantime.

[Scaly Freak]

3 hours ago, Jean said:

I'm not. Not saying I'm having the worst employers on the planet but for a bunch of people claiming to be entrepreneurs, they certainly have a very poor understanding of how to handle human resources, financial resources and of modern management theories. xD

 

That's typical of entrepreneurs. All the enthusiasm, and none of the knowledge  

 

3 hours ago, Jean said:

No idea. Does "advancing backwards" involves a deliberate and slow action toward non-defined and multiple pseudo-purposes opposite to where one's got a desire to go? 

 

Um, no. Not quite. It tends not to be slow, and definitely not deliberate.

[Jean]

@Scaly Freak Thanks! I needed both of those to put some light in my day. ^^

[Jean]

Putting this here for further use.

 

 

 

Have fun, keep flying/walking/crawling forward and don't forget: to the darkness around, you are scary. Woe to those who stand in your way.

[Jean]

RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

* cry of rage and despair in the face of the sheer obliviousness of the people I have to deal with.

 

Sorry, I just needed to let it out, nothing to see, carry on.

[Jean]

Going through it the only way I know how: steeling myself and soldiering on. Work, sleep, eat, exercise.

 

Tuesday, November 16th:

Went out to exercise.

Ate enough.

Did my work hours.

 

March on, push on, the pressure won't subside but you'll become stronger to the point of not noticing anymore.

 

On a semi-related note, I'm getting into more and more conflicts, seems people don't stand against me (I'm in sort of a position of authority), to the point of it feeling like bullying. I'm usually way too nice and avoid conflict altogether, so that I don't know where the limit is between setting healthy boundaries while keeping people accountable for the charges of their office and bullying them into submission. Is it normal to have moments of conflict and then to just go on with a normal relationship without really addressing the issue out of which the conflict did arise? Speaking of work relationships in a context where people are at a level of power/authonomy where they're meant to build their own accountability. I'm willing to think people are adapting to it and it's maybe what I've been lacking until now (expecting people to adapt to the situation rather than always adapting myself) but I can't help but think the grown up way to tackle it would be to manage to have an open discussion about the situation and address the underlying issues.

 

 

 

Edit: That being said, I guess not much of what I'm living right now can be characterized as "normal" so, there's that too.

[Scaly Freak]

2 hours ago, Jean said:

Is it normal to have moments of conflict and then to just go on with a normal relationship without really addressing the issue out of which the conflict did arise?

 

Yes. It happens all the time, especially in work environments.

 

Is it long-term conducive to a healthy relationship? Noooooooo.

[Unix]

On 10/18/2021 at 11:47 PM, Jean said:

Walking the fine line between becoming crazy and surviving the game. I've got a battle plan, now to stick to it and steel my mind despite the unavoidable setbacks until it works.

 

Priority #1 is making work a place anchored in reality. I'm sick and tired of dealing with fantasy expectations. That means drawing a comprehensive picture of the situation, making it as clear as can be and vulgarizing it to the people coming to me with expectations until it sticks into their minds.

 

Priority #2 is sleep. Sleep deprivation is doing me no good and probably at the root of me slipping into crazyness.

 

Priority #3 is self betterment, learning things and opening options for my life going forward.

 

This must last me until the end of the year, then it's regrouping and setting up my options toward a real life. Everything on top of that is gravy.

 

Daily battle orders

9:30 pm : lights out, in bed, computer shut down, window open. That one obviously won't be done tonight (it's 11:40 pm) but I won't let perfect be the enemy of good.

4:30 am : getting up and out for working out / running.

5:30 am : maintenance : shower, breakfast, getting on my A game and out for work,

6.30 am : work

12:00 : eating and maintenance.

1:30 pm : back to work.

6:00 pm : get home, learning.

7:00 pm : eating and maintenance.

8:00 pm : leisures and relaxation.

9:30 pm : lights out.

 

The learning program has for codename : "Back to basics"

 

That means :

 

Maths

Physics

Chemistry

Biology

Astronomy

Geology

Local history

Law

 

And applied topics :

 

Botany

Animals

Mushrooms

Birds (I know, they're animals...)

Stars

Local geology

Mythology

Engineering

Survival skills

Military skills and tactics

 

It's a long way to go until I master all these topics but I'll never get there if I never start.

 

Let's crawl until the finish line.

 

 

 

 

 

I like how your goal of waking up early is similar to mine. Where do you live? I recently found an app that basically force you to get out of bed in order to wake up. 

 

And also the goal of being realistic and start small. I consumed so much shitty self help content in the past that for a good 9 months I have been addicted to it. Being real realymade me feel better

[Jean]

Hi there and welcome on this adventure!

 

 

On 11/17/2021 at 12:50 PM, Unix said:

Where do you live? I recently found an app that basically force you to get out of bed in order to wake up. 

 

Switzerland. You'd have to find an app that forces me to keep sleeping past 4:30 am. xD My body is really acting on stress instinct and constantly checking up that I don't sleep too much (too much being more than 4 hours, apparently. It's 1:45 am and I'm ready to go).

 

On 11/17/2021 at 12:50 PM, Unix said:

And also the goal of being realistic and start small. I consumed so much shitty self help content in the past that for a good 9 months I have been addicted to it. Being real realymade me feel better

Indeed. Being oneself in the real world is an incredible edge in life. Working with reality helps to address the real problems, brush aside the fake stakes (some of them being pushed on us by the people around us, oh, sweet, sweet work environment) and stay focus on the target. Motivational videos is what has kept me afloat when all was falling down, this one particularly:

 

 

 

I haven't started implementing the battle orders as of yet, by the way. I'm just marching, head down, against the wind. Pretty sure it's working though it's frustrating not being doing more.

 

Wednesday, November 17th:

Got out to run.

Slept enough.

Did my work hours.

Missed a meal.

 

Thursday, November 18th:

Went out to exercise.

Skipped too much sleep.

Did my work hours.

Ate enough.

 

 

 

[Jean]

I'm completely destroyed but the week is over. A few more wins on the way and some important things still waiting ever more.

 

Friday, November 19th:

Went out to run.

Skipped waaaaay too much sleep.

Did my work hours.

Barely ate enough.

 

Let's take the weekend to recoup and regroup then go to battle once again.

 

 

[Unix]

wait, how did you rewired yourself to be able to wake up that easily? I am curious now xD 

[Renate]

3 hours ago, Jean said:

Let's take the weekend to recoup and regroup then go to battle once again.

 

 

Yes, please. 😵

 

Good go hear from you. 👍

[Jean]

7 hours ago, Unix said:

wait, how did you rewired yourself to be able to wake up that easily? I am curious now xD 

 

Coffe and high levels of stress, meaning I fall asleep worrying about all the things I still have to do the day after and how there's no escape if they don't get done. I don't recommand it.

 

If you really want to go that way, I'd start by giving myself a good 3h of sleep then putting an alarm every hour and a half after that, or something such (you might want to study your sleep pattern), then adjust the pattern (probably shorten it: at the extreme, I can wake up every half hour in the very few worst nights). Then, it's mainly a matter of deciding/having your body decide that whatever awaits you in the day is more important than the extra cycle you'd get in by getting asleep once more.

 

 

7 hours ago, Athena said:

Yes, please. 😵

Yes, go to battle once again?

 

Things are getting better but there's still a good 2 years of constant pushing on if they keep going the way  they're going. Still trying to figure out my options. The good news is that past those 2 years, life will be no less difficult, but awesome!

[Unix]

Ah man, i also want to rest while I sleep, not only to wake up early haha back in time I have read a book called uberman sleep, where these guys were napping for 20m every 3h l, without having a core sleep scheduled. It was crazy and tempting to try but I can't remember nap at work lol

[Jean]

Wise stance. Sleep balance is hard to find, we're all getting at it from different starting points. We'll get there (though I know I have quite some work left to reach that).

 

I like the concept of uberman sleep. Another concept I had stumbled upon and that did make me want to try it is the 28h days: you basically work on a week of 6 days of 28 hours each and "still" sleep for 8 hours each "day". That requires to have the opportunity and be able to sleep during the day some days so I can't put it in my work schedule but I'd be curious to try it sometime.

 

Saturday, November 20th:

Did exercise.

Didn't sleep enough.

Didn't eat enough.

 

I'm completely tired and have been so for  most of my weekends lately. I'll try to get as much rest as I can out of it.

 

 

[Renate]

12 hours ago, Jean said:

Yes, go to battle once again?

 

Of course. Not having some battle (or 20) to go at somehow seems a little boring. But. Recouping and regrouping first. 

[Renate]

12 hours ago, Jean said:

Things are getting better but there's still a good 2 years of constant pushing on if they keep going the way  they're going. Still trying to figure out my options. The good news is that past those 2 years, life will be no less difficult, but awesome!

 

💗

 

(Giving you a reminder of my two-shot replies 🤭😊)