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Jean

... "Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'"

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9 hours ago, Jean said:

 

Nope, I just haven't slept yet. I'm used to do that when I feel pressure over something. I 'should' be working to be more prepared, but that'd be giving in to a system which would grant me no rest whatsoever, and I can't sleep, because that'd mean considering that not being ready is normal and not a problem.

 

This is all too familiar! I have a hard time sleeping when I'm anxious but then I'm too nervous to get much useful done in the extra hours I'm awake.

 

I once saw something like this written: "If you can fix the problem, there's no need to worry. And if you can't fix the problem, worrying will make no difference." I try to remember it when I'm stressed out but even though it makes a great deal of sense to me intellectually, it doesn't actually stop worries. But at least we can try to be philosophical about it.

 

When D is stressed about work being understaffed and tempted to work extra time to make up for it, I remind him that if he does that, the company will never feel the pain of understaffing and so will never have the incentive to hire the necessary additional personnel. The people in charge have to feel the consequences, which means the people doing the work have to be willing to let projects flounder or even fail if the resources are too few. If you sacrifice yourself to make it work despite being undersupplied, that will just become the new normal and they'll expect it.

 

9 hours ago, Jean said:

So I plan failure by being both unprepared and unrested. Perfectly sane reasoning. Trust me. ;)

 

This made me laugh  :D  Très drôle!

 

9 hours ago, Jean said:

EDIT: thinking about it, it's also that I like the quietness of the night, especially when I know a storm is coming. It makes me feel like it's my time that nobody can steal and that I am protecting it from the people who'll make a wreak out of my time of tomorrow. This time is especially precious that I know that it'll be taken away soon.

 

I have definitely experienced this as well, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just not trying to find a bright side to insomnia...

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3 hours ago, Severine said:

I once saw something like this written: "If you can fix the problem, there's no need to worry. And if you can't fix the problem, worrying will make no difference." I try to remember it when I'm stressed out but even though it makes a great deal of sense to me intellectually, it doesn't actually stop worries. But at least we can try to be philosophical about it.

 

Thanks for that quote! Do you know who it's from? Of course it's difficult to think like that when you need it most, but now that I know about it at least it's more likely that I'll think about it than when I had never heard it said ;) 

 

3 hours ago, Severine said:

If you sacrifice yourself to make it work despite being undersupplied, that will just become the new normal and they'll expect it.

 

Sadly this is all too true :( If, from the boss' view, the current situation works nothing will be done to change it

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1 hour ago, Tobbe said:

Thanks for that quote! Do you know who it's from? Of course it's difficult to think like that when you need it most, but now that I know about it at least it's more likely that I'll think about it than when I had never heard it said ;) 

 

According to the internet, it was the Dalai Llama, in slightly different words from how I phrased it:

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/18432-if-a-problem-is-fixable-if-a-situation-is-such

 

 

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29 minutes ago, Arkania said:

I like this one (maybe not with "God")


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

-Reinhold Niebuhr

That is known as the Serenity Prayer, and it's used by A.A. (and other 12-step programs).

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1 hour ago, Tobbe said:

I like your version better. Shorter and easier to understand :) 

 

I will put that on my resumé  perhaps. "More quotable than the Dalai Llama"  :lol:

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2 hours ago, Severine said:

 

I will put that on my resumé  perhaps. "More quotable than the Dalai Llama"  :lol:

 

Rolling on the Floor Laughing You totally should! :D 

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3 hours ago, Arkania said:

(maybe not with "God")

 

Agreed!

 

2 hours ago, TimovieMan said:

If it helps people battle addiction, then that's a good thing. ;)

 

Very true! Then it's even worth the "God ..." part!

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On 10/4/2018 at 9:16 AM, Tobbe said:

 

I wish I could grow things! But I can't even stick to watering our window sill herb pots :( So more power to you for taking care of a full vineyard!

 

It's raining enough that the vines don't need watering so... we can't compare ? I've killed quite a few green plants myself when I still was foolish enough to think I could take care of them. Watering plants, for me, is as hard as drinking water, and I had to do a goal of the latter to finally get down to it.

 

 

On 10/4/2018 at 9:16 AM, Tobbe said:

 

I'd say you're doing unusually good on the debt front! Good for you!

No loans from buying the vineyard? Or is that included in the "debts I have towards my family" bullet point?

 

I don't know if it's really that unusual around these parts. Bank credits are hard to get if you don't already have money (and I used to not have money until last year) so, the only easily available credits are those silly 14% interest consumer credits and I'm greedy. No way is my money ending in the pocket of a person whose job is to get me to buy a fancy smartphone when my sturdy dumbphone is still very efficient.

 

The debt I have toward my family include money they put on my rent guarantee and money I needed to pay some bills. They don't want me to pay them back so my sister and I have designed an 'Emergency found' that can be used by any member of the family to go through difficult times (including getting a trip to a foreign country when they couldn't afford it but still really need to get their mind out of their current situation). We put that kind of 'debt' money there and I'm currently down on refilling it so, that should be a target for the times to come.

 

The vineyard is an anticipated inheritance from my father that cost me only my sister's part, and it was cheap. Roughly 8 CHF/m2 (~8 $/m2) so a bit under 2'000 for the full 420 m2. I'v bought my uncle's part this year to complete the set - it's located right next to the other and had half the cabin in it so that's roughly 500 m2 of vineyard I have under my care now. :)

 

 

On 10/4/2018 at 9:16 AM, Tobbe said:

A car is always going to be a cost. It usually adds up to more than you think at the end :( But yeah, neither an asset or a dept. More of a monthly/daily expense.

 

 

Thanks y'all for helping me to organise my spreadsheets. It's greatly appreciated. :)

 

 

On 10/4/2018 at 2:34 PM, Severine said:

This is all too familiar! I have a hard time sleeping when I'm anxious but then I'm too nervous to get much useful done in the extra hours I'm awake.

 

So much that! Thanks for putting it into simple words and I hope you're doing better on that front.

 

 

On 10/4/2018 at 2:34 PM, Severine said:

I once saw something like this written: "If you can fix the problem, there's no need to worry. And if you can't fix the problem, worrying will make no difference." I try to remember it when I'm stressed out but even though it makes a great deal of sense to me intellectually, it doesn't actually stop worries. But at least we can try to be philosophical about it.

 

Some problems can be fixed but need you to work on it for it to happen so, our choice is worring or getting stuff done. When I'm tired, I find worrying a whole lot easier. It still gets some small part of the work done (for example, I had a battle plan for my meeting, which I didn't have when I'd have gone to bed). That plus being tired makes me more prone to tell people to take care of their own shit themselves, which I need to do more, so not sleeping is part of the solution (if not optimal by miles) to some of my problems. All in all, I'm not sure sure that this quote holds true (but do I really think that or am I just trying to rationalize this in order not to have to change my ways? Dundundun!).

 

 

On 10/4/2018 at 2:34 PM, Severine said:

When D is stressed about work being understaffed and tempted to work extra time to make up for it, I remind him that if he does that, the company will never feel the pain of understaffing and so will never have the incentive to hire the necessary additional personnel. The people in charge have to feel the consequences, which means the people doing the work have to be willing to let projects flounder or even fail if the resources are too few. If you sacrifice yourself to make it work despite being undersupplied, that will just become the new normal and they'll expect it.

 

So much this!!!

 

There's a world between thinking it and acting like it, though so... more homework, I guess? I'll keep it for later, there's enough wolves to tame in my life already.

 

On 10/4/2018 at 2:34 PM, Severine said:

I have definitely experienced this as well, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just not trying to find a bright side to insomnia...

 

That's the beauty of the human mind, isn't it ? We can rationalize almost anything so, what holds true ? I never know if I'm really doing things for the reasons I think I have to do them so I try not to think about it too much and simply do things. 'Try', here, meaning that there's a long way to go before actually doing it consistently.

 

22 hours ago, fleaball said:

I don't have much to offer, but I wanted to say I'm here and lurking!

 

Thanks!

 

 

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04.09.2018

 

Food log

Shepherd's pie (noon)

1 Pralinato (afternoon)

Chinese take-away (Kung-Pô chicken, rice and vietnamese nems - evening)

5 black coffees (3x morning, 2x afternoon)

2l of water

 

Exercise: 5' of walking.

 

05.09.2018

 

Food log

Shepherd's pie (noon)

Homemade cheezburger (evening)

3 black coffees (2x morning, 1x afternoon)

2l of water

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking, warm-up, 2B, cool-down.

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? No.

Have I cooked this week? Yes, shepherd's pie and cheezburger.

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Next tuesday is cancelled too so that's gotta be on the 16th.

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

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A good thing I wasn't playing poker with my boss because I completely missread the situation. He was really cool and down to earth, searching to grasp the situation and know what to plan for the end of the year and the year to come. Congrats Jean on worrying for nothing instead of getting stuff done! No harm done, though, so that's not a bad thing to have done. I'll just correct my view of the situation for the next times.

 

Also, I reaaaaally wanted a 'Royal with cheese' today. So I made some instead of driving to the McDo aaaand...

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRUybJ87NgYyESGs0TAKmS

 

That's all, you can all get back to your life now. :)

 

 

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8 hours ago, Jean said:

Also, I reaaaaally wanted a 'Royal with cheese' today. So I made some instead of driving to the McDo

 

That's a huge win! Congratz! Thumbs Up

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It is! Mainly because I've discovered the proper mix of seasonings to make it fit my taste (salt, pepper, chili pepper and paprika). I had forgotten the ketchup yesterday and tried it once again with it today. I like it definitely better without all the added sugar. :)

 

Slow day, today. I did a bunch of paper filing (and now there's breathing room in my home, amazing!), cooked a bit and rested a lot.

 

Food log

Black coffee (morning)

Cheeseburger (noon)

Can of corn (afternoon)

Pasta bolognese and parmesan (evening)

2l of water (throughout the day)

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking.

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? No.

Have I cooked this week? Yes, shepherd's pie, cheeseburger (x2) and bolognese.

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Next tuesday is cancelled too so that's gotta be on the 16th.

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

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Another simple day. I forgot to take my measurements this morning so I'll have to do it tomorrow.

 

Food log

Black coffee (morning)

Pasta with bolognese (noon)

Cup of tea (afternoon)

Dürüm Kebap (evening)

2l of water (throughout the day)

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking.

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? No.

Have I cooked this week? Yes, shepherd's pie, cheeseburger (x2) and bolognese.

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Next tuesday is cancelled too so that's gotta be on the 16th.

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

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Nope, because I would loose my consistency. The thing about those 5' walks isn't about burning calories or building muscles, it's about maintaining a habit of taking some me time everyday. There's always time for a 5' walk, I can be 5' late and nobody will complain, and walking can be done anywhere so I'd need to be in really bad faith in order to think about it times after time in the day and still not go do it.

 

I still have other fitness goals and a workout plan but the really important task, for me, is to not drop it. Those 5' are the way by which I measure it.

 

Speaking of which, I missed my workout yesterday (but still went for a 5' walk) so I'll have to do it today. I've missed my measurements too and I'm not taking the time right now to do it so, next saturday, I guess. I've slept long and good, though, so that counts as a win.

 

08.09.2018

 

Food log

Black coffee (morning)

Pasta with bolognese (noon)

1 small sausage (afternoon)

Stirfry chicken with rice (evening)

1.5l of water (throughout the day)

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking (should have done work-out 2A).

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? No.

Have I cooked this week? Yes, chicken stirfry.

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Today is cancelled too so that's gotta be on the 16th.

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

 

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4 hours ago, Jean said:

Nope

 

Good for you, knowing when to say "no"!

 

4 hours ago, Jean said:

There's always time for a 5' walk, I can be 5' late and nobody will complain, and walking can be done anywhere

 

Great mindset :) 

 

4 hours ago, Jean said:

Speaking of which, I missed my workout yesterday

 

Me too :( So yeah, doing it today instead! Strong

 

At what time have you scheduled your workout? I'm doing mine during lunch break!

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On 10/9/2018 at 10:46 AM, Tobbe said:

Good for you, knowing when to say "no"!

 

I've had a lot of training. My inner self is a constant battlefield between fear/cowardness and defiance. I crave control, over myself, my feelings, my impulses but also over my environment. My main motivation for doing things is that I want to make an impact. I'm ready for many sacrifices just to matter. That's not particularly healthy, but this is how I run when I'm not scared of conflict, agreeing to anything but still doing it however I want when I'm left alone.

 

Another workout missed (so, two in a row). I don't know if I'll make it work tonight, this is... a strange time, and I'm both indulging myself more than I should and learning a lot. I like who I am right now but I wish (wish, not will) I could break this barrier and finally get myself to unlock some real physical stuff.

 

 

On 10/9/2018 at 10:46 AM, Tobbe said:

At what time have you scheduled your workout? I'm doing mine during lunch break!

 

Either early morning or late in the night, like, 2 am-ish. Have I said I lack some basic healthy habits like sleeping ? Or eating, too. I'm skiping meals way more than I should.

 

Anyway :

 

09.10.2018

 

Food log

3x Black coffee (2x morning, 1x afternoon)

Chicken Stir fry with rice (noon)

1 bowl of Smacks, milk and cocoa (early evening)

Lentils, pasta and veggies soup (evening)

2l of water (throughout the day)

 

'Exercise' : 5' of walking.

 

10.10.2018

 

Food log

1 ham and cheese sandwich (morning)

4 black coffees (2x morning, 2x afternoon)

 - (noon)

150g of dried mando (afternoon)

150g of cashews (afternoon)

bread and cheese cream (evening)

0.75ish l of water (probably on the lower side of this estimate - throughout the day)

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking (should have done work-out 2A).

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? No.

Have I cooked this week? Yes, chicken stirfry, lentils soup.

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Gotta be next Tuesday.

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

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3 minutes ago, Jean said:

Either early morning or late in the night, like, 2 am-ish.

 

I didn't mean in general, I meant that particular "make-up-for-it" workout :) 

Maybe it would be easier for you if you schedule the workout more strict? As in actually putting it in your calendar at a specific time?

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That particular "make-up-for-it" workout was scheduled 'right before bed' at whatever time that would have been. ;)

 

But sincerely, I think I'm happy enough with how I'm doing and simply want to enjoy the moment without jumping yet into another fight. The truth of the matter is that working out isn't a high priority for me right now, though I'm setting a red flag on the week-end for having recovered enough and jumping right into it again before I lose the clarity of mind that comes with an active body. :)

 

And to those who follow: yes, this could totally be a rationalization to avoid facing working out... or not. That's what I find funny with rationalizations: everything could or could not be it and, at the end of the day, you just have to choose which path you want to walk and deal with the consequences.

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