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Jean

... "Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'"

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This is important, and something I struggle with too. Should we really work out even though we don't want to? All the evidence/research points to that we should! It's too important to be strong to skip working out.

 

But it sure would be nice to be able to spend that time on something that's more enjoyable for the moment sometimes! The part of the brain that wants instant gratification, and doesn't see the long term effects, is strong!

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23 hours ago, Jean said:

I've had a lot of training. My inner self is a constant battlefield between fear/cowardness and defiance. I crave control, over myself, my feelings, my impulses but also over my environment. My main motivation for doing things is that I want to make an impact. I'm ready for many sacrifices just to matter. That's not particularly healthy, but this is how I run when I'm not scared of conflict, agreeing to anything but still doing it however I want when I'm left alone.

 

It's funny how often you write things about yourself, and they sound exactly like something I would have written about me. This is all very familiar to me. For what it's worth I think you manage it well.

 

Quote

Either early morning or late in the night, like, 2 am-ish. Have I said I lack some basic healthy habits like sleeping ? Or eating, too. I'm skiping meals way more than I should.

 

Sadly, poor sleep and skipping meals are also familiar for me. But I am improving slowly on both counts so that's something. I hope you can find a way to make headway there too.

 

22 hours ago, Jean said:

But sincerely, I think I'm happy enough with how I'm doing and simply want to enjoy the moment without jumping yet into another fight. The truth of the matter is that working out isn't a high priority for me right now, though I'm setting a red flag on the week-end for having recovered enough and jumping right into it again before I lose the clarity of mind that comes with an active body. :)

 

And to those who follow: yes, this could totally be a rationalization to avoid facing working out... or not. That's what I find funny with rationalizations: everything could or could not be it and, at the end of the day, you just have to choose which path you want to walk and deal with the consequences.

 

I think you're right about the rationalizations - it's good to be aware of our own patterns, and observe ourselves so as not to fall into bad cycles, but on the other hand we can't over-analyze everything we do or we'll become paralyzed by doubt and indecision. At some point you need to make a choice and go with it. You can always adjust later.

 

13 hours ago, Tobbe said:

This is important, and something I struggle with too. Should we really work out even though we don't want to? All the evidence/research points to that we should! It's too important to be strong to skip working out.

 

I think this is not a black and white question. Should we work out when we don't want to? Sometimes, perhaps, because sometimes we just are feeling tired or lazy and we need a little push to get started and we'll feel good when we do. But on the other hand if working out becomes something we always have to force ourselves to do, we'll have a bad relationship with movement and activity and it becomes more like a punishment. It's not healthy to skip too many workouts but I also believe it's not healthy to never let yourself skip a workout when you need to. We need a mix of responsibility and flexibility, to push ourselves a little but also be compassionate with ourselves sometimes when we really need a break.

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44 minutes ago, Severine said:

I think this is not a black and white question

 

Nothing ever is, and I hate that! :( I'm a very black/white - all or nothing person. It would be so much easier if the world was like that too! But I know it isn't. I eat like shit, or I eat super healthy. I 5 - 10 km three times per week, or I don't run at all. I strength train, on a schedule. Or I give it all up... Everything in my life is like that.

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1 hour ago, Severine said:

It's funny how often you write things about yourself, and they sound exactly like something I would have written about me.

 

Funny that, eh? It's not the first time it's happening for me. We're not alone. ;)

 

1 hour ago, Severine said:

Sadly, poor sleep and skipping meals are also familiar for me. But I am improving slowly on both counts so that's something. I hope you can find a way to make headway there too.

 

On the plus side, I haven't used an alarm clock for years and have very seldom missed my morning appointments. xD

 

1 hour ago, Severine said:

on the other hand we can't over-analyze everything we do or we'll become paralyzed by doubt and indecision.

 

Yeah, or take it to the next level and analyze how we're analyzing ourselves and how THAT may be one of our bad patterns that we could probably beat if only we just analyzed it more... (I'm doing that a lot, which is why I sometimes need to cut all the thinking and just do whatever feels right at the time).

 

14 hours ago, Tobbe said:

This is important, and something I struggle with too. Should we really work out even though we don't want to? All the evidence/research points to that we should! It's too important to be strong to skip working out.

 

I like to think about it in terms of objectives and what I am achieving.

 

What is my primary objective with working out ? - To enjoy the clarity of mind and body that comes with it.

What is my secondary objective with working out ? - To develop enough strength to do basic stuff I can't even manage.

 

Right now, walking my 5' a day is enough to achieve my primary objective. It won't always be and if I let myself drop too low, it won't anymore but, for now, it holds, so, box checked.

 

So, what have I been achieving by giving me some leeway ? - Getting back some of the sleep I needed and enjoying the calmness of mind of knowing I am doing what I want and that I've done enough in my day already to afford being lazy when I get home.

 

And what would have I achieved by working out ? - Taking some consolidating step of my primary objective and kept on the path to reach my secondary one.

 

Except, secondary objectives are that: secondary. You still win the mission if you complete only the primary objective, you just miss out on extra points and/or bonus stages so, while I need to cling to my primary objective like my life depended on it (because it does), the secondary ones can be sacrificed if I think I can achieve a better life balance overall by doing so. I feel like this was it.

 

On the plus side, I've done my 2A workout today so, yay for eating that horse!

 

Now, I have to get back to cooking because I've fallen waaaay behing schedule on that primary objective.

 

Food log

4 black coffees (3x morning, 1x evening)

2 Snickers bars (1x morning, 1x afternoon)

precooked pasta with tomato sauce (noon and evening)

100g of dried mango (evening)

0.7ish liters of water (throughout the day)

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking, warm-up, 2A, cool-down.

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? No.

Have I cooked this week? Yes, chicken stir fry, lentils soup, tomato sauce.

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Gotta be next Tuesday.

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

 

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16 minutes ago, Tobbe said:

 

Nothing ever is, and I hate that! :( I'm a very black/white - all or nothing person. It would be so much easier if the world was like that too! But I know it isn't. I eat like shit, or I eat super healthy. I 5 - 10 km three times per week, or I don't run at all. I strength train, on a schedule. Or I give it all up... Everything in my life is like that.

 

That can work too! The amazing thing with a rainbow colored world is that what works for one may not be what another one needs. Discipline is definitely a very valuable skill which, I'm afraid, I'll always lack (I'm more of an embodiment of chaos myself, though I tend to organize it in order to make it work). Could the world appear black and white if you put the relativism in a 'for me' before any question ? Like, is missing out on my workout schedule bad for me? Yes/no - no inbetween. Is eating that candy I don't fully appreciate anymore good for me? Yes/no - no inbetween again.

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1 hour ago, Jean said:

Could the world appear black and white if you put the relativism in a 'for me' before any question ? Like, is missing out on my workout schedule bad for me? Yes/no - no inbetween. Is eating that candy I don't fully appreciate anymore good for me? Yes/no - no inbetween again.

 

I like this idea, because it's something I haven't tried. Any anything that I haven't tried might be worth trying! But right now I have a hard time seeing how this would play out in an action changing way for me. "Is missing the workout bad for me", yes it is, in the long run. No it isn't right now. I won't notice tomorrow if I skip my workout today, or if I skip them for a year. It's in 40 years I'll regret that I didn't set a habit of doing resistance training. Not now or tomorrow. But then again, if it is just that single workout, then that won't matter the slightest in 40 years, if I get all other workouts done...

 

And about the candy... Right now it's easy to say "no, if it isn't even that tasty it isn't worth it". And that's exactly what I say to myself the day after. "How could I be so stupid/weak to eat bad food that doesn't even really taste that good?" But when I'm on my sugar high my brain doesn't work like that. That logical thinking part gets shut down.

 

But again, I haven't tried it, so I can't fully knock it out of the question before I'm in that situation next time, and can try it out in a real situation instead of just sitting here and thinking about it :) 

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I wouldn't say it'd work if you're not getting instant gratification from doing your workouts. I can see how difficult sticking to a plan may be when the results are to be seen only 40 years from now... I'd personally never manage to do it.

 

I find that I feel better when I work out. I have more confidence, I stand taller and my mind is clearer. I feel more able to interract with the people around me because I don't fear them to be throwing criticism at me. I feel like I can defend what I do while I could otherwise back up and consider I've done things wrong.

 

So, I can give up on a workout or two, because there are other things to gain, but I'm still enjoying what the workouts give me, so as long as it's still on my mind, there's still a drive to do it, for me. I can fight it, stay in bed and wait for it to go away (after a few weeks, I won't feel it anymore) or give in, put on my shoes and go for some training, even half-assed if it leads me to doing some more in a better form the days after.

 

Also, yeah, candies weren't the right example. You can't reason something out when the mind is put off on the matter.

 

As for today:

 

Food log

3 black coffees (2x morning, 1x noon)

pasta with lots of cheese, mixed salad (noon)

chocolate biscuits (evening) xD

1l of water (throughout the day)

Pasta with tomato sauced tuna (night)

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking.

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? No.

Have I cooked this week? Yes, chicken stir fry, lentils soup, tomato sauce.

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Gotta be next Tuesday.

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

 

 

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So, after skipping it last week, today is measurements day:

 

Measurements

Weight: 76.6 kg (+0.6) -> going in the right direction

Neck : 36.4 cm

Chest : 88 cm

Right biceps : 25.2 cm -> loosing on that front

Left biceps : 26.0 cm -> loosing on that front

Waist : 84.8 cm

Hips : 100.02 cm

Right thigh : 49.8 cm

Left thigh : 49.8 cm

Right calf : 34.4 cm

Left calf : 35.6 cm

 

 

Body fat : 16.20% (+0.3%) -> not good

Hydration : 57.60%

Using a body fat scale.

 

I've dropped a lot of workouts last week, so the evolution seems normal, though not desirable. Time to get back on track, keep the good food habits and get some sport on top of that.

 

Also, I totally fell asleep without logging yesterday, so:

 

13.10.2018:

 

Food log

chicken stir fry with rice (noon)

2 Snickers bars (afternoon and evening)

1 Mc Chicken and 9 Chicken nuggets + chinese sauce (late afternoon)

A few walnuts (throughout the day)

~1l of water (throughout the day)

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking, warm-up, half-assed 2B, half-assed cool-down

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? No.

Have I cooked this week? Yes, chicken stir fry, lentils soup, tomato sauce.

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Gotta be next Tuesday.

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

 

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Oh bloody hell, I'm dead!

 

I've just taken down the Widowmaker (yay!) and those side planks were the death! And now, looking at what my next workout sessions will look like, I see that I'll have to perform them on every A workout!? And the B one has one leg romanian deadlifts!? I bet I can't even perform half of one of those... Speaking of which, both the B and C routines look like hell to me. Seriously, I was already having trouble with the cool-down routine...

 

Oh well, let's see if I can try it tomorrow (tough day with meetings in the evening so not such a good chance of that happening).

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6 hours ago, Jean said:

Right biceps : 25.2 cm -> loosing on that front

Left biceps : 26.0 cm -> loosing on that front

 

How long since you last measured yourself? Cool that you can see a difference! (Even if it's in the wrong direction this time)

 

6 hours ago, Jean said:

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Gotta be next Tuesday.

 

Tuesday can't come soon enough! I've been looking forward to how you like the Tai Chi :) 

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2 hours ago, Jean said:

And the B one has one leg romanian deadlifts!?

 

I can tell you I had some serious problems first time I tried that one! Not that it's super heavy, but there's a lot of body control involved.

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55 minutes ago, Tobbe said:

 

I can tell you I had some serious problems first time I tried that one! Not that it's super heavy, but there's a lot of body control involved.

Balance for me was the main issue. I didn't finish a single set where I didn't have to use my arms to stabilize myself. Often it was only once for 8 reps, but still.

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Thanks for your feedbacks. The B series seem to be all about body control and agility and I must admit that I have none of those... all the more reasons to put twice the care in them but most of the time, I end up just rushing through it and half-assing it. I guess I've got my back against the wall, this time, and I'll have to give it a try for real.

 

4 hours ago, Tobbe said:

 

How long since you last measured yourself? Cool that you can see a difference! (Even if it's in the wrong direction this time)

 

3 weeks. I don't really trust my measurements, depending on where exactly I took them and how tight I went with the measuring band, they can vary greatly but this one seems logical: I haven't done much with my arms these weeks and their natural state is 'skinny'. This is part of the why I must exercise, my natural strength is 3 (speaking DnD stats).

 

 

4 hours ago, Tobbe said:

Tuesday can't come soon enough! I've been looking forward to how you like the Tai Chi :) 

 

I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it quite a bit. I'll have to perform exercises in tandem with another person we'll have to pick on our own. I really hate the things I can't do all by myself. This is another thing I need to work on: trusting others and having a good enough image of myself that I won't see a reason to be rejected. Wish me luck!

 

 

Food log

3 black coffees (1x afternoon, 1x evening, 1x night)

Chicken stir fry with rice (noon)

1 Snickers bar (afternoon)

2 ham sandwiches (afternoon) - made some mustard-butter again, so they're back on the menu :)

Chicken stew (evening)

 

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking, Widowmaker.

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? No.

Have I cooked this week? Yes, chicken stir fry, lentils soup, tomato sauce, mustard-butter and chicken stew.

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Nope. Gotta be next Tuesday.

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

 

 

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Good luck with tai chi! I know what you mean about the partner work. Having to pair up with strangers was the most stressful part of aikido for me. It did improve over time as I gained confidence and didn't worry as much about the other person feeling disappointed in working with me.

 

Body control and core strength are things I'm working on too. Always a weak point of mine...in rock climbing, core strength was my biggest limitation. Frustrating since it is so essential for so many things.

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Holy crap, I don't know how to walk!

 

Like, seriously, we walked, then ran, then paid attention to the movements of our legs and arms as we ran, then walked and paid the same attention to the same legs and arms and I'm completely out of synch when I walk. I have a long, long way to go.

 

Other than that, our teacher was in a talking mood about his experiences, which was nice, and we practised a bit, which I am still very bad at. People talked about (not) practicing the exercises outside of the formal lessons and it seemed like a good idea for me to plan some tai chi on my resting days. If I can get myself to practice my workouts, that is, because I've fallen behind schedule once more (I haven't slept sunday night but this is no excuse, this time: this week is way less stressful than the last one was).

 

I'm also behind in my logging. I'll be doing that in a few moments ('cause I still fall for the 'I'll just play an hour of Baldur's Gate just to relax and come do my homework later' bullcrap. Some improvement to do there too).

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22 minutes ago, Jean said:

Baldur's Gate

 

:wub:

 

I have so much positive nostalgia about that game.

 

I am interested to hear more about your observations about how your walking is out of sync, if you learn more. The other night I did an experiment where I was walking on an empty path, and I closed my eyes and tried to walk straight...when I opened them, I was waaay off to the left. Which means I am walking out of balance and only by keeping my eyes open and correcting do I manage to walk in a straight line. Suggests an imbalance I think. And for so many years I just assumed walking was a thing I could take for granted...apparently not.

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Clerics are completely OP in vanilla BG1: Command, Silence, Hold Person, Animate Dead!... Mages may rock the end game but clerics rock the early AND midgame AND are still powerhouses through the end game. The only thing stronger than a Cleric is a Gnome Cleric/Illusionist packing 3 Commands and 2 Sleeps at lvl 1.

 

29 minutes ago, Severine said:

I am interested to hear more about your observations about how your walking is out of sync, if you learn more. The other night I did an experiment where I was walking on an empty path, and I closed my eyes and tried to walk straight...when I opened them, I was waaay off to the left. Which means I am walking out of balance and only by keeping my eyes open and correcting do I manage to walk in a straight line. Suggests an imbalance I think. And for so many years I just assumed walking was a thing I could take for granted...apparently not.

 

Thanks for your feedback. I have that too.

 

Plus, I don't put my feet flat on the ground (like, on their width, not their length) so I have less balance the slower I walk which is probably part of why I tend to walk fast.

 

Plus, my arms are so tense that they don't swing naturally at all. They don't follow the rythm of the legs, they just go on their own irregular 'rythm'. It's very weird but it is plain that I do need to work on the giant tension I have in my shoulders and arms.

 

None of this seems to happen when I run, which is kinda weird but may also be me just not noticing it happening.

 

 

And since I'm here, some logging:

 

15.10.2018

 

Food log

A weird day...

4 black coffees (3x morning, 1x afternoon)

2 ham sandwiches (morning)

chicken stew (noon)

3 whole chocolate bars (evening)

1 Snickers bar (evening)

plenty of bread (with the chocolate, evening)

some 1.5l of water (throughout the day)

 

Exercise: 5' walk (should have done a 3A workout).

 

16.10.2018

 

Food log

3 black coffees (2x morning, 1x afternoon)

Chicken stew (noon and evening)

1 chocolate bar (early evening)

2 ham sandwiches (early evening)

1l of water (throughout the day)

 

Goals tracking

Have I done my exercise? Yes, 5' of walking and tai chi.

On hold: have I wandered around with water at my disposal ? Nope. -> replaced by a new goal: complete my Belt of Preparedness so that I can wander around with water at my disposal (among other nifty things that I should always carry with me).

Have I cooked this week ? Not yet (unpacking chocolate and engulfing it in one move doesnt' count xD).

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Yup! Was great!

On hold: have I taken care of my internet site? Not yet.

 

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7 hours ago, Jean said:

Have I taken part to my second tai chi lesson? Yup! Was great!

 

Just to make sure I understand, that talk about your messed up walking, was that coming from the tai chi? I mean, was that what you did during that lesson, walk, and thinking of how you walked?

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That's part of what we did, part of the warm-up, if you want. We did talk a lot so we didn't do much beside warming-up and trying to achieve 'the form' (not sure how it's named in English). Part of the way our teacher envisions tai chi is sending our minds throughout our body (at first, then everywhere simultaneously), so getting a better awareness of our body parts while we train is part of the lessons. It's not very physical (I don't need to shower right after but can wait until I'm back home, for example) but it seems to drive toward mastery of the body and enhancing the relationship between the body and the mind.

 

As I understand it, different masters will have a different approach. What we get there is part of what I need right now, so I'm gonna try and keep practicing it. On the long run, I'll probably add a more physical martial art to it but I'm not ready for it right now: habbit building, consolidating and all that.

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6 hours ago, Jean said:

mastery of the body and enhancing the relationship between the body and the mind

 

I feel this is a reoccurring theme for all traditional Asian martial arts :) 

 

6 hours ago, Jean said:

What we get there is part of what I need right now, so I'm gonna try and keep practicing it.

 

Sounds like a good idea. As I wrote above, it's a reoccurring theme, so whatever you learn here I'm sure will be a great foundation for whatever you want to try next!

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Thanks for checking in. I'm kinda falling off horse with logging and training, which is a bad thing, obviously.

 

There is global progress:

 - 5' walks are becoming a habbit;

 - cooking is happening;

 - coffee consumption is somewhat down;

 - water consumption is up.

 

In the meantime:

 - workouts aren't happening;

 - at home tai chi sessions aren't a thing;

 - I'm not taking my life in a good way and don't give me the tools for happiness (in that: I need to grant myself some sleep but am not planing or acting toward giving it a chance).

 

I guess I'll start by kinda logging my food for the last few days, all in one big lump:

  • a few black coffees a day;
  • chicken stew (1x)
  • pork chops (3x) with mashed potatoes (1x) or rice (2x) and veggies;
  • minced meat with mashed potatoes and veggies;
  • pasta bolognese with parmesan;
  • roasted chestnuts with cheese, fruits and dried meat;
  • 1 roasted beef steak;
  • 2x ham sandwiches;
  • potato chips and biscuits (a few);
  • 3 beers (25cl), 1 dl of red wine (had a lunch with friends);
  • water;

Exercise has been 5' walks.

 

Everything else is on hold.

 

But what will happen next on Jean's unadventurous life? You'll have to tune in next time to find out! Dun dun dun...

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Tonight. :)

 

Also, I'm working on some changes in mindset/habbits/batcave to make working toward a better life more accessible. I'm too easy to throw off balance (life-wise) and need to put more of a focus on going forward no matter what the details are.

 

Logging in for yesterday's food:

 

- 3 black coffees (2x morning, 1x afternoon);

- spaghetti bolognese with parmesan (noon and evening);

- water (roughly 1.5l);

- nuts (almonds and hazelnuts).

 

It's been a slow day for food. Less so jobwise.

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