Fear and (self) loathing in Ohio

[joat982]

Good morning everyone!

 

I poked around for a while here before I made the decision to join.  I think a community is crucial to accomplishing goals and staying motivated and I am pretty sure that this is the right community for me!  A little background:

 

My wife and I are starting a journey together of self-reformation.  Both of us are in the same boat.  We hate the way we look in the mirror.  Certain aspects of our life is suffering because of it.  Our overall health isn't great.  We have 3 older boys (my step kids) all moved out, 3 little ones of our own and we are foster parents (currently a placement of 2 kiddos).  We're busy.  I mean REALLY busy lol.  I am 35 and she is 41.  I am....skinny-fat.  On bad days, I look like snake that swallowed a bunny.  She has issues with her stomach appearance and a little extra padding in the normal places.

 

I can only speak for what is in my heart.  One morning I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror and my confidence was instantly crushed.  It was like I had never seen myself before.  I haven't recovered from that.  I have to force myself to take my shirt off when the kids want to go to the pool.  The lights in the bedroom stay off.  I used to be a fairly accomplished martial artist and now I can barely kick.  Over the years, my self-care has suffered endlessly.  I need this change!  I need to feel good again for my kids and my wife.

 

Our goals are very similar. Lose the fat then tone the muscle.  My specific, personal goals though:

 

• 10-15% body fat
• Quit smoking
• Run a 5k
• Be 100% comfortable with my shirt off

 

I know that most of you think the smoking should come first.  Not in my book.  Yep, it's a HORRIBLE habit and super bad for me, but it isn't damaging me as much as the fat and lack of muscle tone.  If I feel better about myself, I KNOW it will be easier to quit smoking.

 

Based on research, here's what we are currently doing:

 

• Our diet is paleo(ish).  We haven't cut carbs completely, but mostly and we reduce them throughout the day.  Dinner has next to no carbs at all.
  • I am incorporating intermittent fasting
• Our exercise routine is 2 days cardio focused (elliptical because we own one) and three days compound movement "power lifting" with a barbell
  • Dead lift
  • Squat
  • Overhead press
  • Pushups (we don't own a bench at the moment)

 

Can't really afford to invest a whole lot, but we are doing what we can with what we own.

 

I am looking forward to forming connections and learning from some of you.  I doubt my wife will be on here, but it feels right for me!

[Trixie Falsae]

Welcome! Glad to have you! I am glad you and your wife have mutual support.  Achieving your goals with what you have at home is certainly doable. Bodyweight exercise will help you on your way.  You don't have to lift unless you want to.  I personally prefer to,  so it is what I do.  

 

I also caution you from having if/then mentality to health,  such as your when I get to 15% body fat then I will quit smoking.  They are two separate goals and you can work on both at the same time.  Quitting smoking will actually help you get more active. While you are working on your fitness,  you can also have a goal to cut out 1 cigarette a week or something.  And as a hospice nurse I strongly disagree that extra fat and lack muscle tone is worse than smoking.  

[joat982]

No no....I TOTALLY agree with you.  What I was saying is that I know I will have a much harder time quitting now than I would after I start to feel better about myself.

[Trixie Falsae]

OK.  So maybe have a self care,  confidence boosting goal to go along with the physical goal.  Listen to one podcast a week,  read a book,  anything to help with the self doubt.  I always found I got in shape better when it was because I loved myself and wanted better for myself and not because I hated what I saw.  In the same way,  make sure you are building up your wife as well!

[joat982]

That’s probably a really good idea, Trixie!  Trust me, I build my wife up and try to provide her with as much (positive) motivation as I can!  :)

 

i definitely agree. I want more for my myself than my body in its current state is capable of. I am trying to create the life I want to live!

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Welcome and best of luck! I’m in a similar situation (far fewer kids though, kudos on balancing all that!) and have been at it for about 2 weeks. It’s a great community and look forward to seeing you around.

[turtleduck]

Welcome! This is a great community  : )

 

I've got 2 kids, and the busy-ness is real. It looks like your goals support each other though, rather than needing to be completed before moving on to the next - training for the 5K may help with the body fat percentage (I know, I know; lifting is better for weight loss than cardio, but building leg muscle for the run burns calories at rest), quitting smoking will help with the running, etc.

[Mike_d85]

On 7/7/2018 at 7:41 AM, joat982 said:

I know that most of you think the smoking should come first.  Not in my book.  Yep, it's a HORRIBLE habit and super bad for me, but it isn't damaging me as much as the fat and lack of muscle tone.  If I feel better about myself, I KNOW it will be easier to quit smoking.

 

I finally managed to quit smoking after getting into the running habit.  I realized that the smoking was holding me back and it added another reason to add onto the pile.  Something immediate and relateable. 

 

Honestly though, with smoking I think you just have to keep trying what you can when you can until you find what works for you.  If you think feeling more confident will help, do it. 

[joat982]

Thanks for everyone’s feedback and encouragement!  I know this is all going to be a long road, but I think we’re ready!

[TGP]

those are big goals so be prepared for a haul.

As a group NF is incredible supportive so you've come to the right place.  the key seems to be to plan it all out then day in and day out, post an accountability of how you are doing.

 

are you moving towards what you intend to do or away?

 

I would also encourage to take a positive view on what you want to do.  its Great and good to find things that you are determined to fix.  but stuff like losing bodyfat and feeling more comfortable about the way you look can be a long, slow process.

 

what kind of things do you hope to enjoy on the way?