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OptimumKitten

Changing habits in an environment that doesn’t support it?

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Hey ladies,

 

Tl;dr: My SO has no intention of changing his lifestyle which is creating obstacles for me trying to change mine again. I don’t know how to push myself past the easy comfort. 

 

I joined the Academy last summer with a fistful of motivation and the winds of ambition driving me forward.

 

My lifestyle for about 6 months looked like this:

04:45 Wake up and jot down my important tasks of the day with a peppermint tea. 

05:00 Feed the animals and take the dog for a walk in the local heritage grounds right next to me. His puppy dog eyes always motivated me to get out. 

05:45 Study Japanese for a half hour and respond to my language exchange pals. 

06:30 Off to the gym for a bit of incline jogging and minor strength moves.

07:30 Breakfast and shake

08:30 Work with packed lunch and healthy snacks

17:00 Home from work and last meal of the day (paleo too). Another dog walk and visiting family. 

20:00 Into bed with a good book and off to sleep around 22:00.

 

This seemed easy to me. Too easy. I was in a relationship I wanted space from, and money wasn’t an object for healthy food or gym memberships. 

I realised later I was using this new life as an escape from the miseries of every day. 

 

Fast forward one one year since the beginning and I’m in a new home, with a new partner, no animals and next to no money. 

I’m in a more stable environment, with somebody who loves and supports me, and a lot less money because of it (not a complaint, just a fact). I’m also unemployed now but I start an adult ed course in September. 

A fundamental part of my personality is to want to better myself but my lifestyle now looks like:

09:50 - Get up and sit at the back door getting some sun

11:00 - Bowl of porridge

12:00 - plan out the things I want to work on and subsequently feel overwhelmed and throw my Xbox on and eat whatever is in the cupboard: rice, yoghurts, biscuits, rice cakes, nuts, chocolate - doesn’t matter what as long as it’s easy to eat. 

14:00 - Possibly take a break to visit family.

16:00 - Change to 3DS with a tv show in the background. Possibly have a healthy dinner depending on whether it’s my partner or me cooking. I’ll make from scratch chicken or fish dishes. He makes any frozen convenience food he finds with no veg and maximum salt. 

21:00 - Snack on chocolate, crisps, crackers with butter, cereal etc 

01:30 - Possibly sleep 

 

The only thing I’m currently doing right is drinking plenty of water and at least trying to do some yoga 3 days a week - though it’s not nearly enough. 

My partner has no intention of changing his lifestyle so it has become a matter of moulding mine around him. I can’t afford to buy two separate grocery lists but he only likes processed foods and he’s also an intense gamer with a love for tv and movies. He’s the personification of the bad voice in my head that says I can veg out all day no problem. Other than work, he doesn’t do anything active and has no intention to do, which is making it hard for me to try to change my lifestyle. 

I feel so overwhelmed and lost because I can’t afford two grocery lists and I’m using him as an excuse to become stagnant and unhealthy. I feel heavy and bloated, I’m underweight with high body fat, and I have a back injury that I also use an excuse to give up physical exercise. 

If any of you beautiful ladies have any advice for coping with an environment that enables your bad habits, please share! 

 

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Hi there!

 

First off, congrats in taking the first step in making changes - coming here and asking for help! I was (am to an extent) in a similar circumstance. It can be super frustrating and hard to keep going without the support of your SO. This is a great time to work on a routine, before starting your course, since your schedule might have to change at that point anyway. 

 

I absolutely struggle with getting my family on board with healthy eating habits. What has worked for me is to make a single main dish, then eat different sides. While the family might have pasta, I'll grab a salad. Or they will have fries and I'll eat veggies. It's not perfect, but it's better. And it shouldn't be a huge impact to your grocery list to swap out some veggies for some junk food. Also, is there a specific reason you two switch off on cooking duties? If he'll eat healthier things you make, why not compromise and you cook if he'll clean the dishes? 

 

It sounds like the beginning of your day is set up positively, but making your list seems to derail you. Is there some way you can restructure this piece to make it less stressful for you? For example, when I make my cleaning list for the week, I break each room into specific tasks. That way, instead of it being CLEAN THE WHOLE HOUSE, it's sort mail, clean off the bookshelf, sweep the floor, mop the floor, etc... Would it be helpful for you to spend a day making a huge LIST OF THINGS TO WORK ON, break that list into smaller pieces, and then pick two or three a day to complete?

 

Finally, talk to your SO. Even if he's not on board making changes himself (which is fine!), make sure he realizes how important it is to you to make changes. Find some ways he can support you. Maybe you don't start watching tv together in the evenings until you've done your yoga. Maybe you change the junk food you get to be things he eats, but don't tempt you. Just because he doesn't want to change, doesn't mean he shouldn't support you! 

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12 hours ago, OptimumKitten said:

My SO has no intention of changing his lifestyle which is creating obstacles for me trying to change mine again. 

 

My partner has no intention of changing his lifestyle so it has become a matter of moulding mine around him. I can’t afford to buy two separate grocery lists but he only likes processed foods and he’s also an intense gamer with a love for tv and movies.

 

Other than work, he doesn’t do anything active and has no intention to do, which is making it hard for me to try to change my lifestyle. 

 

I feel so overwhelmed and lost because I can’t afford two grocery lists and I’m using him as an excuse to become stagnant and unhealthy.

Get a new SO.

 

I know, that sounds really harsh (and maybe not feasible if you're currently dependent on him for financial support), but you have to ask yourself: what kind of future can you see for a couple where the individuals have totally different priorities and values? Have you said to him "I want to start eating better and working out" and he's replied "That's cool, I'm not doing it" - or did you try to make some changes and didn't explicitly mention it?

 

Different interests are great, and wanting to spend some of your time differently is a healthy part of a relationship. But if both sides aren't SUPPORTIVE about one another's interests? I dunno. To me, that doesn't scream of long term happiness for both parties.

 

Sounds like you already know the basics in terms of eating better & moving regularly. So you're actually just faced with a difficult and unpleasant choice: which is more important to you, your health or your relationship?

 

If you'd like to try to keep both, then you NEED to sit your SO down and have a very frank and honest conversation. Offer to do all the shopping & cooking if that helps, but he's going to have to agree to some changes in the available food in the house (I can almost guarantee that if there's lots of junk food around, you're going to eat it).

 

Maybe sign up to a group class where you have some accountability to show up and workout regularly. Or volunteer at a local animal shelter as a dog walker: FREE motivation! :) Plan to get out of the house within 2hrs of waking up - that'll break the 'lounge around all day' cycle, and put you in a better mindset to be more productive with your time.

 

Or look at finding a part time/temp job or volunteer gig. You need to find something that gets you out of the house on a regular basis, and forces you to follow a schedule on a daily basis - structure is the enemy of wasted time. ;) September is a long time away yet.

 

It really sucks that you're dealing with this, and I sympathise - the shitty part is that nothing will change until you take the bull by the horns and change it yourself. Wishing you luck, love, and success. 

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18 hours ago, Defining said:

Get a new SO.

 

I know, that sounds really harsh (and maybe not feasible if you're currently dependent on him for financial support), but you have to ask yourself: what kind of future can you see for a couple where the individuals have totally different priorities and values? Have you said to him "I want to start eating better and working out" and he's replied "That's cool, I'm not doing it" - or did you try to make some changes and didn't explicitly mention it?

 

Different interests are great, and wanting to spend some of your time differently is a healthy part of a relationship. But if both sides aren't SUPPORTIVE about one another's interests? I dunno. To me, that doesn't scream of long term happiness for both parties.

 

Sounds like you already know the basics in terms of eating better & moving regularly. So you're actually just faced with a difficult and unpleasant choice: which is more important to you, your health or your relationship?

 

If you'd like to try to keep both, then you NEED to sit your SO down and have a very frank and honest conversation. Offer to do all the shopping & cooking if that helps, but he's going to have to agree to some changes in the available food in the house (I can almost guarantee that if there's lots of junk food around, you're going to eat it).

 

Maybe sign up to a group class where you have some accountability to show up and workout regularly. Or volunteer at a local animal shelter as a dog walker: FREE motivation! :) Plan to get out of the house within 2hrs of waking up - that'll break the 'lounge around all day' cycle, and put you in a better mindset to be more productive with your time.

 

Or look at finding a part time/temp job or volunteer gig. You need to find something that gets you out of the house on a regular basis, and forces you to follow a schedule on a daily basis - structure is the enemy of wasted time. ;) September is a long time away yet.

 

It really sucks that you're dealing with this, and I sympathise - the shitty part is that nothing will change until you take the bull by the horns and change it yourself. Wishing you luck, love, and success. 

 

Thank you so much for your support and advice! 

 

Getting a new SO definitely is out of the question. Our values and principles match up in most other way - just not with health. He doesn’t care for his, but he is supportive when I want to change mine. I’ve tried telling him that if he doesn’t want to look after himself for his own sake, that I’d appreciate if he did for my sake because I plan on having him around for the future if it’s possible. He agreed and told me he understood and some small things have changed - but eating and moving are not some of those things. 

 

He’s been alone a long time and lived this way a long time so if there is any scope for change, it’ll be a long time coming and in very tiny steps. 

 

I don't want to suddenly overhaul our lifestyle because that kind of change could put a lot of stress on our relationship. This is why I’ve been trying to focus on incrementally improving mine and then I’ll have more assertion when I need him to think about his lifestyle. 

 

Unfortunately, I have zero self-motivation. I’m only motivated by others. If he was the one who wanted to change, I’d be exercising every day and cooking healthy meals. If a friend asked me to join a fitness group for support, I’d be there every time. I struggle with doing things for my own sake, even thought I know how vital it is to my own health and vitality. 

 

I already do all of the grocery shopping and most of the cooking unless I’m having trouble with my back (as I have lately). But, he doesn’t eat most things and his tastebuds are dead from years of salt and sugar so healthy food doesn’t taste good to him. The best I can get him to eat is a homemade curry and occasionally homemade fajitas. Everything else has to be fully processed. 

 

You're definitely right about structure! I’m going up the walls without routine. And the idea of getting out within 2 hours is a great one. On day when I have things to do, I tend to be more motivated. 

 

I apologise for my post being a bit disprganised and repetitive by the way. I wrote it on my phone while doing something else so I didn’t pay attention or proof read. 

 

Thanks again so much! 

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On 7/11/2018 at 3:45 PM, Sylvaa said:

Hi there!

 

First off, congrats in taking the first step in making changes - coming here and asking for help! I was (am to an extent) in a similar circumstance. It can be super frustrating and hard to keep going without the support of your SO. This is a great time to work on a routine, before starting your course, since your schedule might have to change at that point anyway. 

 

I absolutely struggle with getting my family on board with healthy eating habits. What has worked for me is to make a single main dish, then eat different sides. While the family might have pasta, I'll grab a salad. Or they will have fries and I'll eat veggies. It's not perfect, but it's better. And it shouldn't be a huge impact to your grocery list to swap out some veggies for some junk food. Also, is there a specific reason you two switch off on cooking duties? If he'll eat healthier things you make, why not compromise and you cook if he'll clean the dishes? 

 

It sounds like the beginning of your day is set up positively, but making your list seems to derail you. Is there some way you can restructure this piece to make it less stressful for you? For example, when I make my cleaning list for the week, I break each room into specific tasks. That way, instead of it being CLEAN THE WHOLE HOUSE, it's sort mail, clean off the bookshelf, sweep the floor, mop the floor, etc... Would it be helpful for you to spend a day making a huge LIST OF THINGS TO WORK ON, break that list into smaller pieces, and then pick two or three a day to complete?

 

Finally, talk to your SO. Even if he's not on board making changes himself (which is fine!), make sure he realizes how important it is to you to make changes. Find some ways he can support you. Maybe you don't start watching tv together in the evenings until you've done your yoga. Maybe you change the junk food you get to be things he eats, but don't tempt you. Just because he doesn't want to change, doesn't mean he shouldn't support you! 

 Thank you for support and advice! 

 

I have tried doing the different sides thing which does help a bit. He’ll have fries while I’ll have nuts and veg. But as you said it’s not perfect. 

 

He won’t eat anything healthy except my homemade chicken curry and occasionally a roast dinner with meat and two veg. Other than that it’s chicken dippers, pizzas, burgers etc. It’s difficult to get him to try new things because he has stomach problems and I’m just glad he’s at least eating something some days. 

 

I don't buy junk food at all except for dinner items for him. I buy nuts, frozen fruit, veg etc. I currently leave him responsible for what we call “munch.” If he wants junk, he buys it which we both see as fair. But he gets excited when he sees junk I like on offer and comes back with chocolate, cheese puffs, crackers, biscuits, ginger ale. I’ve explained it’s better if he doesn’t get me anything because then I’m forced to get creative with healthy snack making. But if my back acts up, he sees getting me junk as comforting and tells me to just relax enjoy myself for one day. My energy is too burned out to resist which is my own problem. 

 

Again, thank you so much for your help!

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<toughlove>I am failing to see how your SO is supportive of you if he is simultaneously sabataging you by buying you junk food and encouraging you to be sedentiary.  I can guarantee you his pizza and burger habit is not good for his stomach issues.  My last relationship was much the same way. He didn't want to improve himself and tried to keep me fat and unhappy so I wouldn't have the confidence to leave.  It is emotional manipulation.  It may not be the same in your case and I am just looking through a tainted lense, but please be careful.  If he was supportive of you,  he would support you in becoming a better,  healthier you.  It is unacceptable to thwart your efforts because he doesn't want to put in the effort to be a better version of himself. </toughlove>

 

You can refuse to buy and fix his junk food.  You focus on your health and getting good food.  If he doesn't like it he can get his own junk on his own.  You can even stipulate that his junk has to be put away where you can't see it.  If he buys stuff for you,  immediately throw it in the trash.  He will learn quick you are serious. 

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I think we may not know the bigger picture here on the relationship, and that has to be okay. It sounds like the previous relationship that involved the money, the dog, the healthy lifestyle, had a major con that wasn't really discussed. If Optimum feels safe and supported, then that's got to be that. For now. Sometimes we don't see things clearly because we're still healing from past problems. Or sometimes a healthy relationship for our OP here may just not extend to the kitchen.

 

Being at home alone all day is a huge suck on time and motivation. I agree with others that say you should try to get out of the house in the first hour or two of the day. Try to reconnect with friends who have gone back to school or have shift work schedules or something. Your SO shouldn't be your ONLY support in life. He can be a big part of it, but you may find friends to re-motivate you on exercise. Learn to work with and around your back injury so it stops becoming such a mental hurdle. Eat healthy up until dinner time and maybe focus more on portion control and healthy sides.

 

The "get a new SO" thing may pan out to be correct, but isn't a useful suggestion unless you've already gone down that path mentally, and it sounds like you're mostly looking at the positives in this relationship vs the old one.

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On 7/14/2018 at 5:55 PM, Trixie Falsae said:

<toughlove>I am failing to see how your SO is supportive of you if he is simultaneously sabataging you by buying you junk food and encouraging you to be sedentiary.  I can guarantee you his pizza and burger habit is not good for his stomach issues.  My last relationship was much the same way. He didn't want to improve himself and tried to keep me fat and unhappy so I wouldn't have the confidence to leave.  It is emotional manipulation.  It may not be the same in your case and I am just looking through a tainted lense, but please be careful.  If he was supportive of you,  he would support you in becoming a better,  healthier you.  It is unacceptable to thwart your efforts because he doesn't want to put in the effort to be a better version of himself. </toughlove>

 

You can refuse to buy and fix his junk food.  You focus on your health and getting good food.  If he doesn't like it he can get his own junk on his own.  You can even stipulate that his junk has to be put away where you can't see it.  If he buys stuff for you,  immediately throw it in the trash.  He will learn quick you are serious. 

 

I may have been a bit vague with my description of him which is unfair to his image. He is very supportive of me in many ways. He encourages me with new projects, he cheers me on when I have new ideas or suddenly change direction because I get bored easily. He tries to encourage me to do my yoga but I can be very persuasive when I don’t feel like doing something. He still buys me junk but he does try to tell me to eat something proper before I touch the junk. Sometimes he hides it until after 10pm so I’m forced to eat something helpful. 

I understand that him not wanting to change may seem unsupportive but that isn’t so. He’s supportive in his own way and I would never expect him to change just because I said so. He’s trying to understand my longing for health and I’m trying to understand his longing for comfort. We’ll meet half way eventually, I just need to focus on getting my health up to scratch by myself instead of succumbing to temptation. 

 

My SO is in no way trying to keep me fat, lazy or unhealthy. He just wants me to be happy with myself and believes that I over-stress myself with this stuff. It’s just a different view. There is no emotional manipulation; he genuinely just wants me to be happy and comfortable and this just happens to be his idea of that. 

 

He is always trying to build my confidence. He tells me how good I look and how attractive he finds me regardless of what I look like. I was much leaner when we met and he’s never made any kind of negative remark about it. 

 

I don’t want to throw away things he buys me either because he’s coming from a place of love, not sabotage. I feel it would be hurtful and rude to do so, so I’d rather calmly explain to him. I need to rely on my own willpower. He’s under no obligation to change his lifestyle for me; he’s already made plenty of changes in other ways that are important to me. 

 

Thank you for words of support though, and I really appreciate your views. 

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On 7/16/2018 at 9:50 PM, DaemonCorax said:

I think we may not know the bigger picture here on the relationship, and that has to be okay. It sounds like the previous relationship that involved the money, the dog, the healthy lifestyle, had a major con that wasn't really discussed. If Optimum feels safe and supported, then that's got to be that. For now. Sometimes we don't see things clearly because we're still healing from past problems. Or sometimes a healthy relationship for our OP here may just not extend to the kitchen.

 

Being at home alone all day is a huge suck on time and motivation. I agree with others that say you should try to get out of the house in the first hour or two of the day. Try to reconnect with friends who have gone back to school or have shift work schedules or something. Your SO shouldn't be your ONLY support in life. He can be a big part of it, but you may find friends to re-motivate you on exercise. Learn to work with and around your back injury so it stops becoming such a mental hurdle. Eat healthy up until dinner time and maybe focus more on portion control and healthy sides.

 

The "get a new SO" thing may pan out to be correct, but isn't a useful suggestion unless you've already gone down that path mentally, and it sounds like you're mostly looking at the positives in this relationship vs the old one.

Thank you for your objective understanding. 

The previous relationship may have looked good on the outside but I wasn’t getting anything else I needed from it and we were not a match in many important ways, despite having similar health goals. Amongst other negatives I won’t go into.

A healthy relationship for me personally does not involve overhauling somebody’s lifestyle to suit mine. It involves compromise where the ideal would be that he has his comfort and I have my health, even if we both make small sacrifices to reach this goal. 

He is supportive of me changing if I wish, but he is in no way obligated to change himself based solely on what I want. The fact that he encourages me no matter what and genuinely worries about my health too is enough for me to be considered support - even if he doesn’t want to change himself completely. He is coming from a place of love with junk food because that’s how he grew up; junk is comfort food and comfort means less stress. 

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1 hour ago, OptimumKitten said:

I don’t want to throw away things he buys me either because he’s coming from a place of love, not sabotage. I feel it would be hurtful and rude to do so, so I’d rather calmly explain to him. I need to rely on my own willpower. He’s under no obligation to change his lifestyle for me; he’s already made plenty of changes in other ways that are important to me. 

 

I think part of the point people are trying to make (although perhaps a bit harshly) is that buying you things like junk food can be love AND sabotage, even if that isn't the original intent. If he likes to buy you things, maybe switch from food to something collectible instead? That way, he is still able to show his caring (which sounds important to him) and it keeps you without the negative food choices. It probably is hurtful and rude to throw things away he buys you. But if you've asked him to stop doing it and he does it anyway, that is no less hurtful and rude. It's not respecting your wishes, even if it is coming from a loving place. 

 

There are a ton of articles on the internet that explain why willpower doesn't work. Shape magazine isn't the most reliable of sources, but their article breaks it down pretty nicely. The thing is, we only have a finite amount of willpower. If the food is there, chances are your willpower won't work. And that's not a negative statement on YOU, it's just the nature of the beast. 

 

On 7/12/2018 at 1:09 PM, OptimumKitten said:

Unfortunately, I have zero self-motivation. I’m only motivated by others. If he was the one who wanted to change, I’d be exercising every day and cooking healthy meals. If a friend asked me to join a fitness group for support, I’d be there every time. I struggle with doing things for my own sake, even thought I know how vital it is to my own health and vitality. 

 

This is my </toughlove> post. Long-term, this thought process isn't going to result in success. Full stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. 

 

It is 100% possible to be successful without full SO support, because your success depends on you. But this mindset has you set up to fail. I read in your introduction post that you are a member of the Academy. Truthfully, I'd respawn from the beginning, including restarting the initial 12 week e-mails. Find your Big Why and take the small steps to help you find your own motivation. 

 

Look, I get it. I've got a whole family that would only eat junk food if I let them (except, in my case, they didn't grow up that way, so they eat what I cook or make their own food). It's hard. It's disheartening to stand in the kitchen and cook a meal that your family doesn't want to eat because you put [name any healthy food here] in it. It's difficult to get off the couch and go exercise when people are watching a show together. It would be so much easier to sit there and hang out with a bag of chips. But I don't. Because I prioritize myself. At the end of the day, if you don't want to change yourself, no one will. 

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I've been watching this thread a bit.  Kept quiet because the whole Y chromosome thing, and the ladies got this pretty well.  Just wanted to add something about this:

 

On 7/18/2018 at 9:51 AM, Sylvaa said:

I think part of the point people are trying to make (although perhaps a bit harshly) is that buying you things like junk food can be love AND sabotage, even if that isn't the original intent. If he likes to buy you things, maybe switch from food to something collectible instead? That way, he is still able to show his caring (which sounds important to him) and it keeps you without the negative food choices. It probably is hurtful and rude to throw things away he buys you. But if you've asked him to stop doing it and he does it anyway, that is no less hurtful and rude. It's not respecting your wishes, even if it is coming from a loving place. 

 

I have an SO who shows love by giving gifts.  She would send me things, and load the box up with junk food.  And I tried to gently ask her multiple times to stop.

 

What it took to get through to her was being incredibly, almost brutally, blunt.  You need to state that it is not an acceptable method to show affection.  And that the next time something like that happens, you will just throw the food out.  And then follow through with it.

 

It took that conversation to get the junk food to stop in the care packages.  Sometimes it crops up still, but its now things that are special, and its so rare that I don't mind.  But the hard stop is what it usually takes for gift givers to understand that's not how the gift is being received.

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So I have a bit of experience with both sides of this issue. First when I met my wife she only ate processed food because it was quick and easy so I started to cook her healthier food, all fresh ingredients and very tasty but I don't fix most of those foods any longer because they don't meet my diet or goals.  Over six years of doing all the cooking she now asks for steamed vegetables and sometimes even wants more than just two bags.   So the moral of that part of the story is taste buds can be changed but the other person has to work with you, my wife had a 2 liter Diet Mountain Dew habit when we met and not she drinks fresh brewed full leaf green tea. 

 

So that is how I changed my wife's eating habits now how she changed me.  When we met we were both overweight and I was fine with it, I am a gamer and like my TV and comics and I never did any physical activity.  My wife was more active with walking but she didn't eat right so she was also overweight, to give you an idea I am about 6 foot and I was 268 and she is about 5' 7" and was 186.  So we met and got married and I was literally fat and happy but she wanted to get a gym membership and go together.  I was not wanting to do that because I thought we would join a gym and it would last a month maybe two and then it would stop..... it never stopped.  We started slow three days a week for 30 minutes on the stair mill and we started to lose weight, then I started to feel better, and then I stopped having sleep apnea (24 apneas an hour was where I was).  After that everything has snowballed and we do a lot, my wife is down to 140 while I am around 180.

 

Looking back I can see what my workouts have given me, better health, stronger immune system, and more energy to name a few but back in November of 2014 when my wife was asking me to do this with her repeatedly I only saw lost time and money.  If your SO will work with you and if you do little baby steps everything can change to the point you don't recognize the people you were all those years ago. Go slow talk a lot and compromise (he may not be ready to give up chips this month but maybe you can get chips you don't like and won't eat until he is ready).  I hope this helps if you have any questions for me or my wife let me know.   Oh and I do still game it's just maybe an hour every other day or so but you can work full time, workout, and game.        

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On 7/12/2018 at 12:09 PM, OptimumKitten said:

Getting a new SO definitely is out of the question. Our values and principles match up in most other way - just not with health. He doesn’t care for his, but he is supportive when I want to change mine. I’ve tried telling him that if he doesn’t want to look after himself for his own sake, that I’d appreciate if he did for my sake because I plan on having him around for the future if it’s possible. He agreed and told me he understood and some small things have changed - but eating and moving are not some of those things. 

 

He’s been alone a long time and lived this way a long time so if there is any scope for change, it’ll be a long time coming and in very tiny steps. 

 

I don't want to suddenly overhaul our lifestyle because that kind of change could put a lot of stress on our relationship. This is why I’ve been trying to focus on incrementally improving mine and then I’ll have more assertion when I need him to think about his lifestyle. 

 

 

 

My husband also has no desire for any big changes. I find I have to just change things out slowly for him. Wherever I'm making changes I cook dinner "my" way for both of us and the kids. Lunches are independent because we're not in the same place. I eat my way he eats his way. I buy his Pop tarts but sometimes switch them out for bagels. I just have to gradually increase the healthy stuff at home to fade out there junk. If he wants chips or ice cream badly enough he'll pick them up himself. I don't buy it. I only buy snacks like gummy snacks and oatmeal bars for my three year old and I'm even working on transitioning him off chips and sugar.

 

Control what you can to the extent that you two can have an understanding. Don't get on his butt when he had a snack he made the effort to procure. Don't try to control what he eats at work. That's not your power. He may gradually come around when his girl starts to look too hot for him. ;)

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