Every day is a battle (lots of photos)

[Tobbe]

I've been feeling anxious and stressed out about the end of this week for a while now. It has really sucked a lot of energy out of me  

Knowing there'd be sweets served Thursday night when we had friends coming over, a huge dinner at a restaurant with lots of alcohol on Friday night and sweets plus not the healthiest food during the weekend when my parents were coming to visit. I've had a hard time focusing on anything else besides how to plan/handle all the ("bad") food... I'm kind of grateful it's almost over now. Still have some warm smörgåstårta left that I don't know how to handle. I mean, it was really tasty, so I want more. But lots of bread, cheese, creme fraiche etc, and just a tiny bit of salami for protein... Not the healthiest choice. According to the recipe there is only two servings left of it. But I did the math, and each serving comes out to be 1000 kcal  

[Tobbe]

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

I am going to (very gently) agree with @Mad Hatter

 

No need to be gentle. Sometimes what's needed is a big slap to the face!

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

I think the eventual goal should be to move away from carefully counting and measuring and planning everything

 

Yes please! I would love to be able to trust my body to tell me what/when/how much to eat

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

although I completely understand that's not the sort of change you can make all at once.

 

I want this to be a gradual change. I think that's the only way I'd be able to do it

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

Your current relationship with food is based all around fear - both fear of food and fear of your ability to control yourself.

 

I've read and thought about this kind of fear before, but never felt that it applied to me. But the more I read, and with (very much needed) comments like this I'm starting to come to terms with that I might actually have a lot of fear. And that it's taking a lot of energy to try to handle that fear.

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

Measuring and counting and planning is the way you try to make yourself feel safer around food, safe from overeating.

 

This is one way to try to manage my fear. And it's one of the things that takes a lot of time and energy.

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

Has counting and planning stopped your urges to binge?

 

No. And I don't think that was ever my idea/goal. It's all been about eating "good" or "according to plan" (which has taken on the meaning of eating as little as possibly) during the weeks, to compensate for binges during weekends.

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

I would gently suggest that it's the underlying fear and panic you feel around food causing the bingeing. The counting and planning gives the illusion of control, but it doesn't heal the underlying problem where you can't feel calm about food.

 

I think you're right.

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

I don't want to tell you what to do, because you need to find your own path.

 

I'd love it if someone could just tell me exactly what I needed to do to "fix" this. To get rid of all the ED thoughts. But it's like you say - I need to figure out my own path, but with help and guidance from others.

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

But I encourage you to at least consider that a healthy future, for you, might be one where you are never afraid of any food.

 

That sounds like bliss right now!

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

That doesn't mean you eat more, necessarily - in fact, if you conquer your fear of food, chances are you won't be so obsessed with it, and will more easily be able to avoid overindulgences. It just means removing the power than food has over you, removing its ability to make you feel anxious and afraid.

 

Anxious, afraid, stressed out, uneasy, panicy... Those are all feelings I'm afraid I can indeed relate to  Makes my chest feel all heavy  

 

On 10/19/2018 at 9:14 PM, Severine said:

I don't have all the answers

 

Doesn't matter. It means the world to me that you take the time to write all of this out for me to read!

[Tobbe]

On 10/20/2018 at 12:19 PM, Mad Hatter said:

@Severine thank you for putting the thoughts in my head so eloquently in writing.  

 

Word!

[Tobbe]

On 10/19/2018 at 10:37 AM, Mad Hatter said:

I think it'd be a very good idea to keep the goal of eating 3 meals a day too.

 

You're probably right. But I don't want to have to make it a goal of some challenge just to properly feed my body and brain. It should come naturally! FFS!  How hard can it be?  

[Tobbe]

10 hours ago, Jett said:

But is it common for you to almost binge two days in a row?

 

No! Definitely not! And I've been feeling this myself. It feels like I'm bingeing more often than I used to. Can't hold off as long anymore as I used to.

 

I'm afraid this is because I've sort of given myself permission to do it. Telling myself "It's not my fault. I can't help it. It's just my illness. It's inevitable when eating like I do. Poor, helpless little me. Someone please come feel sorry for me while I eat." And it makes me angry with myself that I feel like that. But the more I read about binge eating, intuitive eating, health at any size etc, the more I feel "everyone" validates the need to binge. Kind of making it something that's a-ok to do, which it isn't!

 

10 hours ago, Jett said:

I may be wrong, but it seems like exotic/unusual foods (ie, foods outside your normal daily routine) might also be a trigger for you?

 

Well, yeah. But I've kind of made this a self-fulfilling prophecy by excluding any triggering food from my regular diet. So a lot of what's outside of what I normally eat is a trigger for me. If it wasn't I'd eat it more often.

 

10 hours ago, Jett said:

I'm wondering if your choice of not eating anything in the first part of the day plus all the fancy foods (including sweet ones) from the restaurant combined into the desire to eat more.

 

I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Didn't feel super-hungry when we got to the restaurant. And also not super-full when leaving. A mindset problem I need to work on is the "need" or wish to feel almost sickening full when leaving a restaurant. Unless I'm so full I feel a little sick I'm not satisfied, and want to eat more, just because I can, and just because I'll "never" be able to eat that much again. (Of course I know it's not "never" - it's probably, at the most, not further away than next weekend - but then and there it feels like that.)

 

I can't remember where I read it, or heard it, but it was a bit of an eye-opener for me; I've been told, and known, for a while that if you don't eat properly/enough for a long time you're more likely to eat too much when you get the chance, because the body/mind takes the chance to really re-fuel when it finally has the opportunity. But as I said - this is no news. Past actions will affect your eating.  What was new to me is that the way you think about the future can and will also affect you. If you tell yourself. "I'll just have this last piece of cake today. Tomorrow I will start eating according to my plan again" you're setting up some kind of "last supper" mentality, where the brain/body will make you eat more (of the cake) to prepare for the coming food restrictions. 

 

So if you come to a meal/party/dinner with a history of eating too little, and a mindset of "just this once I'll let myself indulge" you're setting yourself up for failure from both your past and your future. Burning the candle from both ends so to speak. Accelerating the bad eating behavior.

 

But again - I hate that it feels like I use this knowledge as a way to justify my eating at that single event instead of using it as a way to fix my day-to-day way of eating  

[Tobbe]

I'm such a geek, but I couldn't help but notice my leet post count   

 

[Arkania]

I would love to write something helpful but I can't. I didn't really experienced binging. Sometimes overeating but not that I feel I don't have the control anymore (or just slightly).

But I leave a little love and hope (I think the "re-learning" FFS is like after every... hm... illness or during. For me it felt the same after the burn-out. And now with inutitive eating. I have to learn it again.)

[Severine]

3 hours ago, Tobbe said:

I'm afraid this is because I've sort of given myself permission to do it. Telling myself "It's not my fault. I can't help it. It's just my illness. It's inevitable when eating like I do. Poor, helpless little me. Someone please come feel sorry for me while I eat." And it makes me angry with myself that I feel like that. But the more I read about binge eating, intuitive eating, health at any size etc, the more I feel "everyone" validates the need to binge. Kind of making it something that's a-ok to do, which it isn't!

 

This really hit home for me. This is a feeling I have all the time - that the risk of being forgiving or compassionate with my flaws, especially bingeing, is that I will end up just making excuses for myself, and giving myself permission to slack off and be flawed, and then I won't try as hard to get better.

 

And sometimes I feel like I'm doing that. In a moment, I'll notice myself losing control about food and I'll say to myself "this is the binge mentality kicking in, and it doesn't make me a bad person but I should do my best to use the coping mechanisms I've learned"...and another part of my brain is screaming "yes it DOES make me a bad person, who lacks self control and the ability to regulate my decision making, stop making excuses for weakness because we cannot let ourselves accept this!"

 

This is something I've talked about with my eating disorder therapist a lot. Because she is heavily on the side of being compassionate and forgiving, and she tries to encourage me to stop seeing binges as "failure" and instead to see it in a more neutral way of "gathering information about my triggers and behavior patterns." And I have pushed back a lot on that idea, suspicious that it's just indulgence and excuse making. Her response to that was something like, "Okay, well you've tried it your way for many years, and your way has not worked, so how about trying my way?"

 

And I admit she had a point, that my harshness with myself, while it made me feel better that I was not "making excuses" for myself, was not actually stopping the bingeing. In fact, before I started seeing her, it was slowly getting worse year by year. So I said I would try her way. But honestly, for months, I said I was trying it but my heart was not in it because secretly I still thought her approach was the equivalent of excusing weakness and dooming myself to a life of that behavior forever.

 

And then a couple months ago I finally started to get what she meant. When she says to be compassionate and nonjudgmental with myself when binges happen, she doesn't want me to accept them as normal. She wants me to recognize that it is an abnormal and unhealthy behavior that I want to stop, but in a way that is completely emotionally neutral and devoid of blame. The example she gave me was someone teaching a child to do something: if the child makes a mistake, you do need to make them aware of the mistake and show them the right way, but you do it with love and encouragement and understanding. Then it's a positive experience and the child can learn the lesson and move on to master the activity; if instead you scream at the child and berate them for their stupidity, and tell them that they made a terrible mistake that they must never ever ever make again or else bad things will happen, the child will have such a negative experience that they are unlikely to properly absorb the information to improve - so not only will they fail to learn the lesson, but they will be so affected by the cruelty that they will likely approach that activity with fear and nervousness in future, thereby setting them up for worse performance than they are capable of.

 

And since then, a few times I have had the experience of losing control with a food (often chocolate) and I practiced trying to feel less upset about it. Like, "oh, huh. Wow I wasn't watching and I ate 20 of these hershey's kisses without even realizing it, oh well!" but trying as hard as I could to not let the shame and judgement and anxiety take hold. I tried to see it as a more neutral thing, like the way I would feel about other mistakes. Like, if I accidentally left the porch light on all night, I think, "oops, wasted electricity!" but then the mistake passes from my mind, no big deal. And I have found that decreasing the amount I feel bad about eating too much makes it (1) easier to stop the binges earlier (2) easier to have them not happen and (3) less of an awful experience if they do happen. I honestly felt like chocolate had less power on me after that. Like...if I eat too much, and it's not as big of a deal, I don't have to spend all my time trying not to eat it. Which, paradoxically, seems to mean I eat less. Think of normal people: sometimes, normal people eat way too much, maybe at a big lunch with friends or a holiday or just when watching a film with a box of candy in front of them. But it doesn't consume their mind and feelings the way it does you (and me). They just think, "Ugh, my stomach is too full, that sucks" and then they go back to life. Like leaving porch light on. 

 

It's still a new thing for me. But I am starting to believe M. that maybe she's right when she says that in the case of a disorder which arose as a response to restriction, it's less strictness, not more, that is needed to improve behavior. In the long run, of course - after a long time of strictness, a short term loosening will result in more bingeing as the body tries to make up for lost time. But the idea is that, eventually, the bingeing is less appealing because it's no longer necessary. 

[Tobbe]

4 hours ago, Arkania said:

 

Yeah, we can't give up! And neither you or me are going to! It's just not the kind of people we are!  

[Tobbe]

1 hour ago, Severine said:

Think of normal people: sometimes, normal people eat way too much, maybe at a big lunch with friends or a holiday or just when watching a film with a box of candy in front of them. But it doesn't consume their mind and feelings the way it does you (and me). They just think, "Ugh, my stomach is too full, that sucks" and then they go back to life.

 

Yeah, this is true. And then they do it again, and "go back to live". And again. And again. And here we are where more than 50% of the population is overweight... I don't want to be like "normal" people. Because "normal" people aren't healthy. (Neither am I, but that doesn't mean I want to go from one kind of unhealthy to another!)

[Tobbe]

@Severine Other than the quote above, I really agree with you, and feel the same way about a lot of the things.

 

Especially this is of course true

1 hour ago, Severine said:

"Okay, well you've tried it your way for many years, and your way has not worked, so how about trying my way?"

 

I do need to try something different. What I'm doing different right now, at this moment, is reading about Intuitive Eating, Binge eating, Health at every size, and things like that. It's totally new to me, and does bring up a lot of thoughts/doubts/question/ideas in my head. But also hope. Hope that I, too, will be able to come back to eating by intuition one day. After a period of this information gathering it's going to be time for some actual changes. Actually trying to do things in a different way. But right now, just opening my mind to new ways of seeing things is enough of a change  

[Tobbe]

Day 101

 

Sunday 21/10

 

Food Log

  

Breakfast - 09:00

 

 

Quark, kefir, a pear, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds

 

Lunch - 12:20

 

 

 

Grilled bratwurst, sauerkraut, mustard, mixed salad

 

Snack -14:40

 

 

A piece of orange and a cup of tea

 

Dinner - 20:10

 

 

Warm smörgåstårta, mixed salad with olive oil

 

Food Log

 

Morning walk

 

 

 

Cold morning today! (26.6 F)

 

Workout

 

NF Beginner bodyweight workout

 

I've been meaning to do this workout since Friday, but just haven't taken the time to actually do it. Today was the last chance to get the third and final beginner bodyweight workout in for the week. At around 9 pm my wife suggested we sit down together and watch some TV. Sounded really nice, because I was feeling pretty tired. And sure enough - after about 15 minutes I started dozing off, and after 30 minutes I just gave up and lay down in the couch in front of the TV and fell asleep. Thankfully I woke up at a little past 11 pm and went out for a two minute walk to get some energy. When I got back in I did a short warm-up, not the full Steve warm-up I usually do, and then I did the beginner workout routine plus some stretching when I was done . Close call!  

 

Completed Quests

 

Learn to Use a Compass - 25 XP

 

 

 

I took my family to an event put on by a local group of outdoor enthusiasts who had invited a couple of professional orienteers to teach us about using a map and a compass. After going through how to read a map and use a compass we got to try our new skills by looking for marked points on the map, and finally finding a treasure  After the treasure hunt we grilled some sausages for lunch. 

 

It was a great family activity!  

[Severine]

2 hours ago, Tobbe said:

 

Yeah, this is true. And then they do it again, and "go back to live". And again. And again. And here we are where more than 50% of the population is overweight... I don't want to be like "normal" people. Because "normal" people aren't healthy. (Neither am I, but that doesn't mean I want to go from one kind of unhealthy to another!)

 

I chose the wrong word - I didn't mean "normal people" in the sense of average people or typical people. In a dysfunctional food culture like the one we have, saturated with unhealthy tempting foods constantly available, and simultaneous pressures about body image and being thin and losing weight, many people have problems with food even if they don't have eating disorders and it shows in their choices and behavior patterns. I meant "normal people" in the sense of those people who have a healthy, functional, normal relationship with food. They do exist! And even they indulge now and then, but not in the habitual, dysfunctional way you mention. 

 

Sorry for lack of clarity for what I was saying.

 

Oh, and for the record, I do think it's possible, at least for some people, to be 'overweight' and still be perfectly healthy. As an example, one of my friends is 5'5" and weighs about 165 - overweight by BMI standards. She is 39, gorgeous and fit looking, physically strong, she works a demanding physical job, and runs and hikes and swims and bikes for both fun and exercise. Her vital health statistics, from cholesterol to blood sugar to blood pressure, are all in optimal ranges. She eats mostly homecooked stuff, tonnes of veggies (she's a vegetable farmer actually) with the occasional cookie or ice cream, and she is happy and active and full of life and energy. She is probably in better shape than most people in the normal BMI range. In my opinion, any doctor who looked at that woman and told her she needed to lose 20 pounds for her health would be completely nuts. Weight can be a factor in health of course, but it's not so simple as "overweight BMI = automatically unhealthy." More important, IMO, is what the person eats, how active they are, and (often most importantly) how lucky they are with genetics.

[Tobbe]

10 hours ago, Severine said:

I didn't mean "normal people" in the sense of average people or typical people

 

I see  That does make a difference  

 

10 hours ago, Severine said:

Oh, and for the record, I do think it's possible, at least for some people, to be 'overweight' and still be perfectly healthy.

 

Absolutely! I agree. And I agree now more than ever now that I've read a little about Health At Every Size!

[Mad Hatter]

Here's something you might want to check out, either now or as future reference (it expires at the end of the month) https://www.truewarrior.fm/p/secret-session-sign-up

[Tobbe]

3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Here's something you might want to check out, either now or as future reference (it expires at the end of the month) https://www.truewarrior.fm/p/secret-session-sign-up

 

Thanks! I'm fetching backup copies of the videos and pdf files for safekeeping  

[Tobbe]

Day 102

 

Monday 22/10

 

Food Log

  

Breakfast Nope

 

Lunch - 13:30

 

 

Savory pumpkin pie with a mixed salad

 

This UFO (Unidentified Frozen Object) was a real treasure  When I started eating it I recognized what it was. It was the last leftovers of the appetizer I served for Thanksgiving dinner in 2016! A pumpkin pie/quiche with caramelized onions, sage, chili flakes and a coconut flour crust. The crust wasn't bad, but not as good as it has been. But the filling! Wow! That was tasty  

 

Dinner - 19:00

 

 

Nettle- and broccoli soup

 

Another UFO creation. Found a half serving of nettle soup in the freezer. So I made a broccoli soup as well, using frozen broccoli and fresh celery. And then I just mixed both together. Tasted great!

 

Fitness Log

 

Morning walk

 

 

 

 

Remember this fellow? He was still there, in the middle of the forest. But he had fallen over  So I put him up on his feet again!  

 

Workout

 

NF Bodyweight workout 4C

 

Started with: Jump with both feet together - 3 x 30 sec

 

4 rounds:
Lateral Jumping Squat - 12 reps
Bodyweight Pushup - 12 reps
Assisted Chin Up - 10 reps

 

Finished with: Hanging Scapular Retraction - 2 sets of 20

 

Miscellaneous

 

Slept for too long this morning, and then I had an early appointment with my eating disorder therapist. That's why I didn't have time for breakfast  Didn't feel the appointment itself gave me very much, but I did get a home assignment that I'm looking forward to completing. Will post more about that when I start looking in to it. It's about "thought traps" https://www.samuelthomasdavies.com/cognitive-distortions/

[Tobbe]

Day 102, part 2

 

Sleep Log

 

I'm doing the "Mindset: Keep a Sleep Journal - 25 XP" quest this week.

 

Officially, these are the questions I should answer

 

Quote

• What time did you wake up, and what time did you actually get out of bed?
• How many times did you hit snooze?
• After work, how much television did you watch?  After you finished watching, did you go right to bed?  Did you fall asleep with the TV on?
• How long did you lie in bed before actually falling asleep (obviously this will be tough to tell, but you can estimate).

 - https://academy.nerdfitness.com/level-up/mindset/hack-your-sleep/

 

But, I never hit snooze on my alarm. Sometimes I will lay awake in bed for a while before getting up. Sometimes I will fall back to sleep (oops). But I never use the "snooze" feature. So, no point in keep saying "Zero times" every single day...

I could track my evening TV-time. I'll try to do that actually.

When I do manage to drag myself to bed I always fall asleep immediately. If I don't for some reason I'll try to make a note of it.

 

So, yesterday (today) I went to bed at 01:30 am, and woke up at 09:40. 8 hours and 10 minutes of sleep! Nice!

[Tobbe]

Day 103

 

Tuesday 23/10

 

Food Log

  

Breakfast - 09:50

 

 

Cottage cheese and seeds bread with egg and kaviar. Strawberry quark, kefir and a lonely strawberry  

 

The bread and the strawberry were dumpster diving (i.e. freezer) finds  

 

Lunch - 13:30

 

 

Boiled hen in curry sauce. Served with turmeric cauliflower rice, pan fried broccoli and tomatoes.

 

This was so good! Love the hen in curry sauce. So much more flavorful than regular chicken!

 

Dinner - 20:00

 

 

Pan grilled pork, mango Greek yoghurt sauce, mixed salad and oven baked cauliflower.

 

Fitness Log

 

Morning walk

 

 

Workout

 

NF Beginner bodyweight workout

 

Sleep Log

 

Monday to Tuesday I slept 01:50 - 07:30. 5 h 40 minutes. Stayed up late working. Preparing for a demo Tuesday morning.

[Tobbe]

Day 104

 

Wednesday 24/10

 

Food Log

  

Breakfast - 10:20

 

 

Vanilla/pear chia pudding with hazel nuts

 

This might have been the best chia pudding I've ever had! It was so tasty! Made with vanilla/pear sugar free protein smoothie, natural quark, chia seeds, flax seeds and vanilla/pear whey protein powder. Topped it off with chopped hazel nuts, and warm pieces of pear (pear found in freezer).

 

Lunch - 17:15

 

 

 

Home baked buckwheat bread with peanut butter + pear marmalade, boiled egg and kaviar, and raw honey

 

So I was reading my Intuitive Eating book. And they're really pushing how important it is to listen to your cravings (both cravings for "chicken breast and salad" kind of foods, but also for cookies etc). So reading all about that, and still having @Jean's post about eating bread with honey in the back of my head, I got up in the middle of the night and put some buckwheat in water to soak over night  The bread was very tasty (nothing like freshly baked food!), and all three toppings were great in their own way  The salty/crunchy peanut butter with that home made pear marmalade that I cooked using frozen pears, a little thickener and some sweetener. The egg from our own hens. The raw, locally produced, honey. Everything tasted so good 

 

Dinner - 20:00

 

 

Vegan sushi salad plate.

 

First time I ever tried wild rice. Love it  And the Gari! Haven't eaten that in way too long.

 

Fitness Log

 

Morning walk

 

 

Workout

 

NF Bodyweight 4A

 

Started with: Jump with both feet together - 3 x 30 sec

 

4 rounds
Bodyweight Squat - 10 reps, with medium resistance band
Divebomber Pushup - 8 reps
Resistance band Row - 25 reps, with medium and strong resistance bands

 

Finished with: Hanging Leg Raise - 2 sets of 16 reps, with bent legs

 

Completed Quests

 

Hold Cobra for 15 seconds - 20 XP

Hold Cobra for 30 seconds - 40 XP

 

The Cobra pose is the third from last movement in my cool down routine. So I just held it longer than I usually do (30 seconds) today. Next step is to do an upward dog instead. But that looks pretty intense!

[Jett]

That salad look soooo good! Making me hungry!

 

[Tobbe]

Day 105

 

Thursday 25/10

 

Food Log

  

Breakfast - 08:30

 

 

Zoats with pea protein, egg whites and frozen red currants

 

Lunch - 13:30

 

 

Same salad as I had for dinner yesterday, except I added some broccoli too.

 

Had a much larger serving today for lunch than I did for dinner yesterday. Felt that yesterday it didn't really fill me up quite enough, so I made more today. And the best part is that I still have some left of most of the ingredients, so I can have it one more time! 

 

Dinner - 19:30

 

 

Tex-Mex inspired salad wraps

 

Two huge salad wraps with tex-mex flavored ground beef, lots of different vegetables, sour cream, grated cheese, olives, spicy salsa, jalapeños... The works!  I was actually pretty satisfied after eating just one of the wraps. But it was really tasty, so I kind of wanted the other one as well. And a salad wrap like that doesn't take well to keep in the fridge for the day after. And no one else wanted it. So I decided to eat it. And then I felt over-stuffed. And my ED/Diet Mind sprung in to highest gear and I felt like crap  Couldn't let the feeling go. Tried to ignore it, but it kept lingering in the back of my head, not letting me fully concentrate on anything else. Didn't know what to do to relieve some of the stress and anxiety... Had this really uncomfortable feeling in my entire body. Even my stomach was acting up feeling super bloated and full of gas. Haven't felt this down in a while. Finally decided to go for a walk. I told my wife about how I was feeling, and that I'd go for a walk to try to release some of the anxiety. She got worried, and asked if it was because of something she had said/done or if she could help in any way. I told her it wasn't, and that she couldn't. I had to work it through myself. But then I realized she could actually help me with something. I asked her to stay awake (it was pretty late by now) and wait for me to come home again, and make sure I'd go to bed. So that I wouldn't stay up and try to comfort/numb myself with food. Just asking her for that help made me a little bit calmer. That way I didn't have to be afraid of another late night binge. So I went for my walk. Didn't really feel it helped. But then, while walking, I remembered something I had heard about music triggering the pleasure senses in your brain. So I put on some heavy music that I thought would pump me up a bit. And it did! And I started jogging/running. Now that helped!  After I stopped running I realized I hadn't had any bad thoughts at all while I was running. I was too focused on forcing my tired legs to just push me up that next hill, and the next, and the next! It was such a release! So when I got home I did feel better. My wife was still awake, waiting for me. So I followed through with the plan and went to bed together with her. We talked a few minutes in bed, and then both of us fell asleep. Today I'm feeling better. Especially after stepping on the scales and seeing that my weight had gone down since I last weighted myself. Which I guess is a problem in and of itself. It would be healthier for me if the scale moved in the other direction. But today that was what I needed to see to feel alright about myself again.

 

Fitness Log

  

Morning walk

 

[Tobbe]

17 hours ago, Jett said:

That salad look soooo good! Making me hungry!

 

 

It was great! That's why I had it again the following day  (As you can see in the food log above )

[Tobbe]

Been forgetting to post my sleep logs!

 

Sleep Log, day 104, Wednesday

 

Tuesday to Wednesday I slept 01:45 - 06:00. That's just 4h 15min. Stayed up late reading, and then had to get up early to get the kids to school!

 

I actually did go to bed earlier, and read my Intuitive Eating book for a while. But then I got up again instead of going to sleep... Had to prepare for that bread baking, remember?  

 

Sleep Log, day 105, Thursday

 

Wednesday to Thursday I slept 00:30 - 06:00. 5 h 30 minutes. Again, lay in bed reading in the evening. It's a really good book 

[Jean]

It must have been a hard moment with anxiety, there, but it's so great you got to talk it out with your wife and you actually worked on it together that I'm feeling the whole experience was a big win.

 

Kuddos on that crisis management!