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Every day is a battle (lots of photos)

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Thursday Feb 7


Food Log


Breakfast - 11:00




Last of the vanilla quark, cottage cheese, pear, pecans and cardamon


Lunch - 16:00




Cauliflower soup, tofu "croutons", "Panama seasoned" hot sauce, and veggies to dip


Dinner - 20:00




Veggie sticks, hummus and white beans + beet dip


Tasted great, but left me in a pretty bad state mentally. This is what I wrote in my journal



I feel like I ate too much. Makes me feel really bad about myself. Should have stopped eating sooner. My head is spinning around the question "How much did i really eat? Was it too much? I'll get fat!" From a logical standpoint i know that it's just my ED taking, but I still couldn't think of anything else for at least an hour. And it's not only in my head. My heart started racing too, and I got anxious in my whole body.



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Interesting that you got that thought. Obviously, reasoning things out don't help but I tend to bind veggies and the feeling that I can't get fat eating them together. They're rather full of water and I like the idea of having a food where I can pile up the quantities and it doesn't matter.


Do you have a happy place to go/happy activity for when anxiety starts rising?

Legally bound to hug people in need.


Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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3 minutes ago, Jean said:

Interesting that you got that thought. Obviously, reasoning things out don't help but I tend to bind veggies and the feeling that I can't get fat eating them together. They're rather full of water and I like the idea of having a food where I can pile up the quantities and it doesn't matter.


Do you have a happy place to go/happy activity for when anxiety starts rising?


Yeah, the problem wasn't the veggies. It was all the dipping sauces (hummus and the bean+beet one)


No, not really. I need more anxiety coping skills/tools

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Friday Feb 8


Food Log


Breakfast - 10:20




Lentil pancakes, salad, cottage cheese and caviar


Lunch - 14:40




Black bean soup topped with cilantro, radishes, snack pepper, avocado and leek


Dinner - 18:30




Didn't actually eat any eggs for dinner :D  Just took a photo of it to remember at what time I ate :P I actually forgot to take a photo of my "dinner" before I had eaten it all. I ate a teaspoon or two of cottage cheese, and a couple of tablespoons of leftover minced meat from my children's plates... Not much, but I wasn't very hungry.

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Saturday Feb 9


Food Log


Breakfast - 08:40




Thin crispbread with butter, eggs and kaviar


I was very much contemplating not having any breakfast at all. Then I had a small win over my ED-thoughts and we agreed that I could have this for breakfast. But then, as I was doing my workout during the morning I got more hungry, so I asked my wife to set the table with a bowl of cottage cheese and diced up pear for me to eat as well. But then when I came to sit down to actually eat it my ED voices came on strong and made some, at the time, very convincing arguments for why I shouldn't have the cottage cheese with fruit. So I only had the bread with the egg even though I was hungry for more.


Lunch - 12:30




Ramen with a small wakame salad on the side.


I haven't had much proper ramen soup in my life, so I can't say how this stacks up against others. But I can say that it was delicious! My wife and I were away on a romantic weekend and this Japanese restaurant was our first stop.


Afternoon sweets - 14:30






Cake with coconut caramel topping


When we arrived at our hotel they treated us to a cup of tea and some sweets (cake, chocolates, fruit). I went for a few pieces of the cake. It was delicious!


Sweets on the room - 15:30




Chocolates, toffee candy, Semla, caramel tart with chocolate cream, cupcake with whipped cream and berries.


After the lunch restaurant stop we did some shopping and picked up a few sweet treats. I knew there would be tea/coffee at the hotel, but didn't know they would offer anything to eat with it. So we bought and brought some of our own sweets, just to make sure there'd be something tasty for us to treat ourselves to :)  To be perfectly honest though, none of what we had bought was really all that good :(  We did buy it at a proper bakery, but I'm so spoiled by my wife's delicious home baked cakes and cookies and pies that it's almost impossible to find anything at a bakery/café that tastes as good as what she makes. I will say though that the cake with coconut caramel topping we had earlier was really great. They had made it themselves at the hotel. It was a good sign for the dinner to come :) 


Dinner - 19:30










Home baked sourdough bread with butter

Scallops on thinly sliced yellow beets with dill "snow" and a few other things

Cod with potatoes, salt baked carrots, sea weeds and a cream sauce.

Citrus ice cream served on top of a coconut pudding with pineapple sauce


When I booked the hotel I also booked a "surprise" three course dinner. So I had no idea what we were getting. But I was not disappointed! Everything was extremely well cooked and prepared. And it all tasted exquisite! So happy with the food at this place :) 

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Sunday Feb 10


Food Log


Breakfast - 09:00








These were some of the things I had for breakfast. The breakfast buffé at the hotel was very good! Everything was fresh and tasty. The scrambled eggs were creamy and dripping of butter, as they should. The bacon was crispy. They had a decent selection of cheeses etc. I was very pleased :)  


But then I wrote this in my journal:



The meal started off with my mind in a really great place, and it felt pretty good throughout the breakfast. But then when I went and grabbed the last cup of tea, and also had extra crackers and cheese and jam, then I really started to beat myself up. And after leaving the restaurant the bad feelings really got a hold of me. I felt sad and angry and disappointed with myself for eating so much. I feel too full, and my ED voices don't like the feeling of being full. Now, in reality, I did just come in from a long morning walk. And I only did eat to a low eight on the hunger/fullness scale. But the ED voices wouldn't listen to those more reasonable voices, and it really killed my mood for a big part of the morning



Lunch - 13:30






Lentil soup

Mixed Lebanese tasting platter


We went to a Lebanese restaurant for lunch. The food was good. Tasted really authentic. And it was relatively cheep too :) 


Snacks - 15:00 ->






Avocado/banana/strawberry smoothie

Apple pie with ice cream (vanilla and vanilla/strawberry) and chai latte

More apple pie (not pictured)


After lunch we went to visit some friends of ours. There we first had a small sampling of their super creamy and tasty smoothie. Then they treated us to home baked apple pie. After the pie we got in the car and drove to my wife's parents to pick up our kids. And they had just eaten apple pie there as well, so we had some of that too. But I didn't think of taking a photo of that. When we got home later that night, at around 8 pm, we still weren't very hungry. So we ended up not eating anything more that day.

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Monday Feb 11


Food Log


Breakfast - 08:20




Cottage cheese with pear and cardamon


Remember that cottage cheese with diced pear I was supposed to have eaten Saturday morning? Well, today I had it. The pears were too ripe to eat already on Saturday really. They were not better today... So this was really the last chance to eat them. So I did. But my ED voices did not like that! It was way too much fruit for my ED to comfortably eat for breakfast. So I wasn't feeling very good this morning :( 


Lunch - 12:45




Omelette with jalapeño cheese and ham pieces. Side salad


Dinner - 19:00




Chickpea pasta with creamy mushroom sauce. Green beans and tomato. Topped with parmesan cheese.


This wasn't my best cooking. Wasn't as creamy as I would have liked, and was a bit flavorless. But it has potential! So I do want to give it another go and make a few tweaks :) 

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Tuesday Feb 12


Food Log


Breakfast - 09:00




Long milk with granola


This used to be a real favorite for me. This oats and raisins granola is *loaded* with sugar. But then we stopped buying it, because really, it's like eating a bowl of crushed up cookies for breakfast... But for some reason I've been thinking about it a lot lately, so I bought a box to see if I stilled liked it as much :) The jury is still out on the final decision about that though...


Lunch - 14:00




Black bean soup


Reheated leftover soup from the other day. This time I also added sauerkraut to it. Sounded weird, but my sister insisted that it was a good match. And she was not wrong. It was perfect! :) 


Dinner - 20:30




Lentil pancakes with salad, cottage cheese, eggs and caviar


Really tasty! And oh so filling! Should probably only have had two, because I did become a bit overly full. But since I had already prepared all three for the photo, I figured I might as well eat them all too... Next time I'll prepare one at a time so I can stop whenever I'm full and satisfied.

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Wednesday Feb 13


Food Log


Breakfast - 10:30




Two bowls of long milk and granola


You can't really tell, but that is actually two different brands of the "same" granola. You see, the one I had yesterday was the brand I always got before. But now they had New recipe. 30% less sugar. Written all over the front of the box. So I knew it wouldn't taste exactly like the one I was all nostalgic about. But then I found this other brand that had copied all of the original brand's different flavorings, but hadn't (yet?) updated their recipe. So I picked up their oats and raisins version, so I could compare them both :)  


So I asked my wife to prepare two bowls, without me looking, and then I would have a taste test. My wife had already tried both versions, but not side by side, and said she couldn't taste a difference at all. And I agree, they are extremely close in flavor. But doing a side by side comparison like this I could pick up a tiny difference. Now, remember, I didn't know which one came from which box. But I could pick a "winner", and it was actually the one with the new recipe, with less sugar. It just had a deeper flavor for some reason. 


So, do I still like it as much as I used to? No, I don't. It's too bland. I'd like more flavors in there. Maybe an additional kind of dried fruit. Or some different kinds of nuts and seeds as well.


Lunch Nope


Dinner - 19:00




Fried broccoli and fried eggs. Mixed salad and mixed pickled veggies.


Evening snack - 22:30




Long milk, granola and blueberries


I went shopping earlier today, and picked up a different kind of longmilk than the one I usually buy (this one is more expensive, and not organic, so that's why I don't buy it as often). It's even more sour, almost fizzy on my tongue, and I like that. It's also higher in fat, 4.2%, so it's extra creamy and good :)

As I said above, I felt the granola was missing something, so I tried adding some blueberries this time. It was better, but it was almost best to just eat the longmilk with the blueberries, to really get the taste of the berries, because they were so good :) 


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Thursday Feb 14


Food Log


Breakfast - 10:10




Rice cracker with peanut butter and banana slices

Cottage cheese mixed with kefir and frozen berries


Now, you might wonder why I didn't put PB and bananas on the entire cracker :) The reason is that it was so long ago I had a rice cracker I wanted to taste it without anything else, to really get the taste of the cracker alone first, before going all in on all the toppings Yummy


Lunch - 13:50




Fried caulirice, fried eggs, sweet & sour thai chili sauce and a white sauce made of blended cottage cheese, kefir, salt and pepper


Dinner - 20:30




Pan fried steak and arugula salad with white beans, button mushrooms and caramelized union


Delicious Valentines dinner Yummy


Evening sweets - 21:30






We had heart shaped coconut cake with raspberries and whipped cream. 


I decorated my cake pieces in a few different ways, just for fun :) This was two of the ways I made them :) 



And with this I'm ending my photo food log for now. I will try not taking any photos of my meals for a while. See how that makes me feel. I might pick it up again, I might not. We'll see!

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Long time since I posted here... Mainly because I stopped taking photos of what I eat. But today I made an exception. It's International Waffle Day, so we had waffles for dessert




Three kinds of jam, whipped cream, a stack of waffles, sugar, thawed raspberries and thawed frozen strawberries. Also had vanilla ice cream, but we forgot to put it on the table before I took the photo.



But this really wasn't the main reason for posting today. What I really wanted to do was to let you all know that I've started a new challenge thread




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