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jonfirestar

JonFirestar: Knightfall

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So appointment has happened now. It went pretty much how I expected it to go. Bad news is that i have indeed hurt myself. I have achilles tendinopathy  with some degeneration. The long and the short of it i here is that I'm not doing the race this weekend. I'm certainly not doing the half marathon in 3 weeks. I might be okay to do the spartan in 2 months so long as I am not in pain and I take it easy. 

 

I am allowed to start running again in a week of rehab but not much and only if it doesn't flare up. Lifting anything heavy isn't on the cards for a few weeks (I'm not allowed to load it using weight for at least 3 weeks). When I am allowed to run it's going to be in 5 minute walk run intervals, and then gradually increasing load so long as it doesn't cause pain. 

 

The good news is that it will heal :) and I what I am currently doing is good. So I am allowed to cycle so I'm going to do that. I'm also allowed to use the rower and elliptical so at least I shouldn't lose any CV fitness. I'll probably lose something in the top end of my endurance but I should also be able to work my threshold and anabolic systems quite well. I wanted to make that transition anyway so I'm okay with this. 

 

I have some rehab work do which are 2 exercises done for a crazy number of reps. I need to do them twice a day but with rest days (2 days on one day off, although there is a modification if it causes issues). The exercises I'm told are the most important thing in rehabbing because if you don't maintain the conditioning of the tendon while it heals it will just lead to more chance of reinjuring it. 

 

The other things he did he was very open with the fact that they just 'might help' which made me like him more. I've done enough reading in the area to realise that the exact effectiveness of the treatments is often up for debate. I got a massage on my calf, which hurt a lot. Apparently I have really tight calves. That isn't news to me I know that but I'm a very flexible person in general and the fact that I have crappy mobility in my ankles hasn't been a huge concern when I'm otherwise plenty flexible (most of my OCR technique is based around the fact that I can probably get my leg up to that handhold) . At least i have  a sound reason to work on that but I'm not advised to stretch them because it might irritate the injury but instead use foam rolling. I avoid rolling my calves because it hurts! But that is an indication of a problem.  He also did Graston technique on my tendon. I've seen videos of it before, but never had it done. I looks like it really hurts, but it just felt weird. Essentially you use a titanium rod to scrape at the tissue. The massage hurt and left me with bruises but the scraping didn't hurt at all. 

 

So there we are. I need to think a bit about how I'm going to proceed. Ive decided that I want to focus on losing weight over the next few weeks because the endurance running has been getting in the way of that goal and it's no longer an excuse.  

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54 minutes ago, jonfirestar said:

He also did Graston technique on my tendon. I've seen videos of it before, but never had it done. I looks like it really hurts, but it just felt weird. Essentially you use a titanium rod to scrape at the tissue. The massage hurt and left me with bruises but the scraping didn't hurt at all

 

It may have been the area I had the graston technique done because mine sucked butt! Mine was on my upper rib/just outside the arm pit area and it was like a painful tickle lol. I have pretty tight calves too...maybe I should spend more time foam rolling them.??

 

Overall, I'm glad to hear your Achilles will heal and that you only have to sacrifice a few races here and there. It's also good you caught this now so it didn't become chronic and prevent you from running for a longer stint of time. You've put a LOT of miles on your body over the last few years so taking some R&R isn't the worst thing. You're a fighter. You'll back into the game quick and with more fervor than before! 

 

Wolf

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Just now, Wolfpool said:

It may have been the area I had the graston technique done because mine sucked butt! Mine was on my upper rib/just outside the arm pit area and it was like painful tickle lol. I have pretty tight calves too...maybe I should spend more time foam rolling them.??

To be fair he did seem rather surprised when I remarked that it wasn't hurting. It did feel really weird though. Kind of like a tickle but not.  It's quite sore now mind you!  I'm going to actually suck it up and roll my calves properly. I really only do a half assed job of it because it hurts so much. 

 

6 minutes ago, Wolfpool said:

Overall, I'm glad to hear your Achilles will heal and that you only have to sacrifice a few races here and there. It's also good you caught this now so it didn't become chronic and prevent you from running for a longer stint of time. You've put a LOT of miles on your body over the last few years so taking some R&R isn't the worst thing. You're a fighter. You'll back into the game quick and with more fervor than before! 

 

Yeah, as a card carrying member of the 'I have an injury that'll never actually heal' club I'm really very glad I don't have to add this one to the list and I'm glad this time I actually listened to my body when I realised something was wrong. I was tempted to just ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening because it isn't painful enough that it would have stopped me. 

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Week 0, Thursday! 

 

So yeah took a rest day. Went to the physio. My calf now really hurts after the massage :( Not really sure what else to say about it. I absolutely failed to do my other chores :(

 

I'm thinking a lot about what I'm going to do now. Nothing firm yet.  

 

Battling Bane:

So, I've eaten too much today and I didn't track it all but it was a very general kind of 'I just ate too many calories' rather than anything ridioulus like a bigne and I am not feeling like I want to shove all the things into my face. So could be better could be worse. Like C- maybe. 

 

Getting in Bat Shape

Rest day

 

Greasing the Groove. 

 

I did get 5 in total today from my door frame based pull up bar (which is nicer than using a girder tbh) 

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11 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Glad the appointment went as well as it could. Good job turning it into a positive.

 

6 hours ago, Cheetah said:

It sounds like you've got a really good plan of action to move forward on.  Good work!

 

Thanks. I really wouldn't have gone if I wasn't already sure that I'd hurt myself. As much as I'd rather it wasn't a thing understanding it does allow me to plan around it and to wrangle the old RangerBrain onto other things. 

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17 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

He also did Graston technique on my tendon

 

I made the mistake of image searching this.

Ryan Reynolds Want GIF

I'm glad I didn't have to have this done. I bruised just from the normal massage!

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2 minutes ago, Charlie_Quinn said:

I'm glad I didn't have to have this done. I bruised just from the normal massage!

 

You'd think, but honestly the normal massage was agonising and has left me with some serious bruises. The scraping didn't hurt at all, it's a little bit sore but not bruised. Everything is taped up so I can't see how bad it may or may not look ;)

 

 

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2 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

 

You'd think, but honestly the normal massage was agonising and has left me with some serious bruises. The scraping didn't hurt at all, it's a little bit sore but not bruised. Everything is taped up so I can't see how bad it may or may not look ;)

 

 

 

My thigh is still a little bruised from a massage a week ago. She was driving her thumbs into my quad and I had to slowly bend my knee back and forth. It was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. And now I have to simulate that massage with a foam roller and it's so painful. If you're allowed to roll your quads, try it and you'll see what I mean! 

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1 hour ago, Charlie_Quinn said:

. And now I have to simulate that massage with a foam roller and it's so painful. If you're allowed to roll your quads, try it and you'll see what I mean! 

I don't mind foam rolling my quads. My IT band tends to protest a little more but on a whole my quads are okay. I hate rolling my calves because it really hurts to do it. Of course, the point here is that it shouldn't feel like that at all to roll them and that's why these are our respective problem areas. My mission for the next few months is to sort my calves out and then, once I can safely work on my mobility I want to sort out my ankle mobility on top of getting together a daily stretching and mobility routine. 

 

1 hour ago, Charlie_Quinn said:

She was driving her thumbs into my quad and I had to slowly bend my knee back and forth. It was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced

Not my quad but yep. It was excruciating. It's like he found the spot that would cause the most pain and then drilled on it for ages! 

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On 8/9/2018 at 5:58 PM, jonfirestar said:

Bad news is that i have indeed hurt myself. I have achilles tendinopathy  with some degeneration. The long and the short of it i here is that I'm not doing the race this weekend. I'm certainly not doing the half marathon in 3 weeks. I might be okay to do the spartan in 2 months so long as I am not in pain and I take it easy.  

 

I am allowed to start running again in a week of rehab but not much and only if it doesn't flare up. Lifting anything heavy isn't on the cards for a few weeks (I'm not allowed to load it using weight for at least 3 weeks). When I am allowed to run it's going to be in 5 minute walk run intervals, and then gradually increasing load so long as it doesn't cause pain.  

 

The good news is that it will heal :) and I what I am currently doing is good.

Oh, ouch indeed! So sorry that you are out of action for so long, but glad that you are healing and treating it properly!

Physio's and sometimes chiro's treatments, can be harsh and sore at times. I don't have a lot of experience, but I've heard enough from Brandt on that.

On 8/9/2018 at 9:02 PM, jonfirestar said:

'I just ate too many calories' rather than anything ridioulus like a bigne

That is actually a win, I think, because you didn't binge eat. :loyal: You can beat it. I'm with you on this one; I have to focus on loosing weight.

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On 8/11/2018 at 6:34 PM, elizevdmerwe said:

Oh, ouch indeed! So sorry that you are out of action for so long, but glad that you are healing and treating it properly!

Physio's and sometimes chiro's treatments, can be harsh and sore at times. I don't have a lot of experience, but I've heard enough from Brandt on that.

Yeah they sure can be. I can handle the massages though if they are going to result in my getting better. 

 

On 8/11/2018 at 6:34 PM, elizevdmerwe said:

That is actually a win, I think, because you didn't binge eat. :loyal: You can beat it. I'm with you on this one; I have to focus on loosing weight.

Thanks I agree. I just wish that the weekend went quite as well. 

 

On 8/11/2018 at 7:26 PM, Salinger said:

How have you been Jon?x

Not great TBH but I guess I've been worse. Still here though so that's a plus! 

 

On 8/11/2018 at 9:17 PM, Stribs said:

It seems like this is the rehab challenge.  You, me, @Charlie_Quinn, we should start a ranger rehab club, ha.  Glad you feel like you have a plan to move forward!

 

There does seem to be quite a lot of rehabbing going on right now :) 

 

 

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10 minutes ago, jonfirestar said:

 

Not great TBH but I guess I've been worse. Still here though so that's a plus! 

 

 

 

 

sorry to hear that Jon, its another day though, you can do it. I believe in you so much. Always here to talk things through, please remember that. xx

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Week 0, Weekend Update

 

I not only fell off the wagon over the weekend I smashed it to kindling, poured petrol on the remains and danced hysterically around the ensuing blaze. Time to build a new wagon. From Friday night through Sunday evening I pretty much just lost the plot and retreated inwards isolating myself from the world when I should have been reaching out. My behaviour was nothing short of self destructive and, frankly, scary. 

 

Good stuff from the weekend:

 

Did my PT exercises on Saturday. Sunday was the scheduled rest day (the schedule for the exercise are 2 days on 1 day off). Sunday I did do some domestic rangering. I did do my meal prep which included making freezer breakfast burritos for the next fortnight and my lunch for this week. On a rudimentary level I've done my meal planning for the week and all groceries are brought. 

 

This might get a little ranty: 

Spoiler

I'm in a bit of a weird emotional place right now. I'm really not sure how to proceed.

 

The thing that is missing is simple old fashioned discipline. I need to tell myself no, to deny the instant gratification, in order to reach my long term goal. My words keep saying this my actions keep contradicting it. 

 

Over the last two decades where I've gaining and losing weight in mind boggling numbers I kind of understand one thing about weight loss. In order for it to work you need to fight yourself over it because your subconscious will not take it lightly when you start to withhold nutrition. I've been trying desperately to be able to do this whole business without fighting myself but it simply hasn't been working. The fight is tiring and I've had no staying power.

 

I don't know how to make that happen. Every time I've successfully lost weight I've simply made up my mind one day to do it seriously and then made it happen but how do you find that initial spark? 

 

TLDR; I'm a little depressed. I know the thing I need to do to make progress is fight with my subconscious. I don't know where to find the strength to do that. 

 

Week 1 Plan:

 

Food: 2600-2700 calories per day. Actually maybe ask for help if I crash out again. That needs to happen before I get to the 'I just don't care anymore' stage. 

 

PT exercises, twice a day. Monday, Tuesday,  Thursday, Friday, Sunday - PT clearly stated simply not to worry if these did or did not clash with another workout. 

 

Workout

Cardio: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday. This is going to be cycling, realistically. In one week today I'm allowed to run!

Strength: Tuesday, Friday - there hardly seems any point going to the gym just to do upper body so I might do this at home. I don't have enough weight at home to make squatting and deadlifting worth while but more than enough to do upper body stuff. 

 

GTG: Moving up to 10 per day. Taking Sunday as a rest day though. 


Sleep: 22:00 at the latest (I've been really erratic about this the last few weeks and that really doesn't help my mood). 

 

36 minutes ago, Salinger said:

sorry to hear that Jon, its another day though, you can do it. I believe in you so much. Always here to talk things through, please remember that. xx

Thanks Lizz! I really don't know a very sudden and deep depressive slump. My reaction was the exact opposite to what I should have done and I isolated completely for 2 days. Friday night is a bit of a trigger sometimes.  

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13 minutes ago, jonfirestar said:

 

Thanks Lizz! I really don't know a very sudden and deep depressive slump. My reaction was the exact opposite to what I should have done and I isolated completely for 2 days. Friday night is a bit of a trigger sometimes.  

 

Then we will rally round you on Fridays. I move this Friday but how about we set a time in the evening to talk on fb? Dont know if having a set time to reach out would help? 

 

I get it though, im not as bad as i used to be with drinking, but id be on 20 cans of beer a night, more over the weekend. I knew it was making me feel worse but nothing could stop the negative voices egging me on. That instant gratification you mention, thats it isnt it.....we need to find something which gives us that, which doesnt destroy us! (exercise perhaps? Although i know you have to rest/heal more for a while) hmmmm meditation? A certain song to listen to loud? Or just plain old seeing a friend...

 

Anyway, just throwing out some thoughts, you obviously know better than me what could work. Just know we have your back and want you to succeed. xxx

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1 hour ago, Salinger said:

 

Then we will rally round you on Fridays. I move this Friday but how about we set a time in the evening to talk on fb? Dont know if having a set time to reach out would help? 

 

I get it though, im not as bad as i used to be with drinking, but id be on 20 cans of beer a night, more over the weekend. I knew it was making me feel worse but nothing could stop the negative voices egging me on. That instant gratification you mention, thats it isnt it.....we need to find something which gives us that, which doesnt destroy us! (exercise perhaps? Although i know you have to rest/heal more for a while) hmmmm meditation? A certain song to listen to loud? Or just plain old seeing a friend...

 

Anyway, just throwing out some thoughts, you obviously know better than me what could work. Just know we have your back and want you to succeed. xxx

 

I really don't know the answers. I wish I did. I know, for a fact, that I'm going to need to get uncomfortable to make progress towards my goals. It's sort of weird why I'm unwilling to do that for this goal. 

 

I think it's very similar to drinking at least the compulsive act and it creates it's own little depressive loop. I don't know that replacing the gratification is the answer but I also don't know that it isn't. I need to find something positive to fill the time when I'm fighting with myself because sitting down and obsessing over it isn't going to work. 

 

I think, or hope, that if I'd talked to someone about exactly what the scale of my intended infractions were I probably wouldn't have gone quite so far off the deep-end and it might have stopped me dead. Or I might have simply lied and carried on regardless. I don't know the answer. I'm feeling incredibly frustrated and I'm just focusing on making it through today.  

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59 minutes ago, jonfirestar said:

I think, or hope, that if I'd talked to someone about exactly what the scale of my intended infractions were I probably wouldn't have gone quite so far off the deep-end and it might have stopped me dead. Or I might have simply lied and carried on regardless. I don't know the answer. I'm feeling incredibly frustrated and I'm just focusing on making it through today.

You can w.app me if you need to text/talk to someone, or have someone there to listen. PM me if you want my cell nr. I only use Fb, email, and NF messages on the computer, so I don't receive them immediately.

I do understand the feeling of picking up weight and not loosing, or see-sawing. I don't binge eat, or loose control like that, but at this stage it seems that even a little bit of something extra climbs on the hips which is making me very negative as well. Sometimes I can say no, other times I feel like, why bother? So basically trying to say, I'm with you on the frustration and trying to make it through every day, and I'm here if you want some support to stick through it. Maybe like with the getting up earlier this year, we can again motivate or get each other to stay on the narrower road?

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4 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

 

I not only fell off the wagon over the weekend I smashed it to kindling, poured petrol on the remains and danced hysterically around the ensuing blaze. Time to build a new wagon. From Friday night through Sunday evening I pretty much just lost the plot and retreated inwards isolating myself from the world when I should have been reaching out. My behaviour was nothing short of self destructive and, frankly, scary. 

 

 

Are you me?  Or maybe I'm you?  Either way - yeah, weekend in a nutshell, huh..........

 

Guess we gotta build new wagons now.

 

2 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

 

I think, or hope, that if I'd talked to someone about exactly what the scale of my intended infractions were I probably wouldn't have gone quite so far off the deep-end and it might have stopped me dead. Or I might have simply lied and carried on regardless. I don't know the answer. I'm feeling incredibly frustrated and I'm just focusing on making it through today.  

 

I think about this a lot - for me, the majority of times that I'm in this state I'll knowingly push people away... like talking doesn't always help me.  A lot of it depends on the person I think and often I'll just get angry and shut myself away more??  You're right though - what is the answer?  I don't know either.  It is totally maddening, frustrating, unfair, all of the above....

 

One day at a time, though.  We have to believe there are better days waiting for us. <3

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