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TheGreyJedi-Ranger

Jedi Finally Finds Some Balance!!

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My last challenge was heavily focused around bringing myself back into balance. I'm happy to say that that was successful! I feel more balanced emotionally and feel like I'm getting more balanced physically. You guys know that last month was one of the most financially challenging we'd had in a long time, and it was at a really rough point. Like I ate the same thing for a week straight(homemade pizza and Kraft Mac and Cheese) and my mom felt so bad for me she ordered Chinese food for me online so that I could have something a little bit different (bless her).

 

But now we have more money and can handle buying more varied things. I've been cooking again and it's SO GREAT. I actually managed to kick my 'eat and read' habit again thanks to actually enjoying the food I'm eating. My Intuitive eating is going a lot better as well because I'm eating what my brain and body want. I'm actually trying to eat more healthy foods- because my body wants them! It's nice. Though I'm trying to find a substitute for pinto beans since those (along with chickpeas) are now on my list of foods that make me sick to eat. I may have to see if I can find a way to prepare black beans so that I like them. 

 

I've also been working out again! I love it. I feel so much better when I work out. I've been doing bodyweight workouts that I kinda came up with on my own. I do squats, plank, wall pushups, downward dog, arm circles, russian twists, and one legged chair pose. The one legged chair has made a huge difference in my ankle strength with my bad ankle! I'm not so wobbly and I'm also not having trouble with it any more like I was. But we'll see how it holds up when I start running and also BOOT SEASON. The plan is to work out at home until around October or so, and then get a Planet Fitness membership so that I can start lifting again. 

 

So as for goals:

 

- Work out 3x Weekly

- Keep getting that Intuitive Eating going

- Don't lose my mind trying to balance part time work, being a housewife, being a dog and kitten mom, and running a (v. small) makeup and beauty related Youtube channel and blog

- Do stuff with your friends

- Make sure to drink all of your necessary water!

 

So yeah, that's my challenge this time. Something simple and easy for now, I can always edit it if I need to!

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Following! I'm so glad to hear you're learning how to keep yourself balanced - all in all, seeing you navigate through the hardships and staying awesome is a joy :) Simple and easy sounds like a good way to keep going, especially since you have so many responsibilities!

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13 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Following. I'm so glad you're in a better place now.

Caribbean cuisine knows all about how to use black beans, just search for Puerto Rican or Cuban recipes with black beans.

Me too :)

 

I'll have to look into that! I had a Guatemalan roommate in college who ate a lot of black beans but her standards for food were horrifically low. Like I've got fairly low quality standards and how-long-has-that-been-in-the-fridge standards but she'd eat anything that didn't have mold on it no matter how long it had been in there. I think I tried black beans with her and I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't like them.

 

7 hours ago, Ensi said:

Following! I'm so glad to hear you're learning how to keep yourself balanced - all in all, seeing you navigate through the hardships and staying awesome is a joy :) Simple and easy sounds like a good way to keep going, especially since you have so many responsibilities!

Awwwwww, thanks <3 I'm just trying to keep myself going and functioning and doing my stuff! lol

 

3 hours ago, Echoceanic said:

Here to support you!

Thanks! Glad to have you!
 

~~~~

Okay so last night I managed to fight off a bad body image mood and I'm really proud?? 

 

Storytime here: I have been wearing the same like 15 pairs of underwear since like 2010-2011ish. I've gained like 80 lbs in that 7-8 years or so (most of it recently to be fair but meh) but was wearing horrifically too small underwear because "eventually they'll fit again. But yesterday I bought new underwear and trashed every pair of plain cotton underwear that didn't fit (except the plain white ones because my new pack didn't have any??) and when I grabbed them to put on I was actually super depressed for a second there. Like "these underwear are huge, how am I going to feel if these fit me properly??" And they did. But I basically told myself that it's silly to expect my body to not change at all from teenagerhood and not at all during these first couple of years of marriage. And I asked myself a very important question: "What does the number on them matter if they feel good? How long have you been wearing painful underwear that dig into your skin because you want to be skinnier? Respect your body as it is and take care of it. We'll see if it changes what your body looks like or not." It was a real turning point for me I think. And honestly, something that small just made me feel so much better. I felt like I wanted to actually dress in real clothes this morning (despite not going anywhere). Like, I'm wearing real clothes, not PJs, and I even did my hair. 

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That is an amazing moment, and I am SO SO SO HAPPY for you!!!!!  You have worked so hard and come so far!!! ^________________^

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21 minutes ago, shaar said:

That is an amazing moment, and I am SO SO SO HAPPY for you!!!!!  You have worked so hard and come so far!!! ^________________^

I was SHOCKED at how much better it made me feel. Something so small, yet it made such a difference!

 

Tbh I'm going clothes shopping this weekend for nice warm weather shirts. I have two nice shirts, and a bunch of tee shirts. That's not cool >_>

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I am so mad I could SCREAM. Yall might remember that last month, my husbands paycheck was like $200 short from normal. And now we just found out what happened to his check and why he didn't get his extra days this month and why is $3k worth of vacation time never came.

The stupid, petty ass HR woman found herself a loophole that allowed her to hold his check(s) and refuse to pay out his vacation. So SHE is the reason we could barely afford food last month.

I'm so mad I want to break something. All that stress and anxiety and worrying if I could feed my cat and dog and husband and it's ALL. HER. FAULT.

And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it because she found some stupid loophole about how he "didn't work the whole month" when the last two days were his scheduled days off.

I will reiterate. I. Want. To. SHATTER. Something(one). I'm so angry and hurt and sad.

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Wait wait WHAT?!!?!!?  So you're not even able to get the money that's rightfully yours?!!?!!?

 

JESUS HORNBLOWER CHRIST WHAT?  That's gotta be some kind of illegal?!!?  Holy shit.... at the very least I'd be leaving scathing reviews all over the internet for their company.  I'm furious FOR you, that is just despicable and underhanded and outright disgusting.

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Wait wait WHAT?!!?!!?  So you're not even able to get the money that's rightfully yours?!!?!!?
 
JESUS HORNBLOWER CHRIST WHAT?  That's gotta be some kind of illegal?!!?  Holy shit.... at the very least I'd be leaving scathing reviews all over the internet for their company.  I'm furious FOR you, that is just despicable and underhanded and outright disgusting.


Loopholes :( and I dont think bad reviews will help this time, it's a regional jail lol

But yeah, I'm highly pissed about the whole thing. Shes literally just being petty and that pettiness caused me a decently large bit of emotional difficulty. I just dont understand how people can act like that tbh



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8 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I would still send a complaint to the state labor board. That loophole might have been illegal if they were his scheduled days off. Don't take the word of evil HR people. File an appeal.

 

yes. burn them

 

fb4.gif

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Oh, I am furious in your name. MESSING WITH PEOPLE'S INCOME IS A DICK MOVE.

 

4 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I would still send a complaint to the state labor board. That loophole might have been illegal if they were his scheduled days off. Don't take the word of evil HR people. File an appeal.

 

Scheduled days off are (at least where I'm from) treated as days you were working, aka they don't influence your regularity unless it's specifically unpaid leave. Make some noise above her head and check. 

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2 minutes ago, Echoceanic said:

Oh, I am furious in your name. MESSING WITH PEOPLE'S INCOME IS A DICK MOVE.

 

 

Scheduled days off are (at least where I'm from) treated as days you were working, aka they don't influence your regularity unless it's specifically unpaid leave. Make some noise above her head and check. 

Likely the directions to do so came from above the head of the HR lady. Hence starting with the state labor board.

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5 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I would still send a complaint to the state labor board. That loophole might have been illegal if they were his scheduled days off. Don't take the word of evil HR people. File an appeal.

 

5 hours ago, Ensi said:

 

yes. burn them

 

fb4.gif

 

30 minutes ago, Echoceanic said:

Oh, I am furious in your name. MESSING WITH PEOPLE'S INCOME IS A DICK MOVE.

 

 

Scheduled days off are (at least where I'm from) treated as days you were working, aka they don't influence your regularity unless it's specifically unpaid leave. Make some noise above her head and check. 

 

27 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Likely the directions to do so came from above the head of the HR lady. Hence starting with the state labor board.

 

~~~

 

Got an update on this. Basically, it was a combination of his command staff forgetting to file some paperwork making sure that his 14 days was a FULL 14 and not the 13 which was all he could give (he literally walked back in after returning the new job's call and told them) and the fact that some of his PTO that he'd used at the beginning of that month was unbeknownst to him used as some unpaid time off he had (IDK why they even have that as a thing but meh). From Mr. Right's explanation there's not much that can be done (I don't remember all the details, the conversation was a couple of hours ago at this point). But yeah, HR Lady (head HR lady unfortunately) went out of her way to make sure she could screw this up for him because she raised HELL when he came in to give his notice and it wasn't quite enough days (even though Captain and.. superintendent maybe? said it was perfectly alright and were going to file him a day off for that 14th day but didn't or forgot). Because God forbid she pay out what she should owe him when she can find a loophole that says she doesn't have to.

 

Whatever *rolls eyes.* We survived and we're in pretty decent shape now. That $3k would have been great to build our savings back up after The Great Apartment Complex Debacle (see challenge... #24?) but whatever. I won't be getting a new car this winter like we'd hoped, that's for sure.

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Hai guys!!!

 

So I learned something yesterday.

 

I learned that my asthma and my allergies aren't anywhere nearly well controlled enough for running. I went for a run with Mr. Right yesterday morning. I couldn't run for very long before I was doing something that might be wheezing? Idk, but I felt like there wasn't enough oxygen in the air for me to be able to function. Needless to say, we didn't finish the run. I'll be building up before I try anything like that again >_> And contacting my allergist about that third allergy medicine. I'm going to start with mostly walking with short bursts of running in there and only a short distance. Slowly build my poor lungs back up and all that jazz. I was low key dying during that workout and it wasn't even late in the day or anything.

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Ayyy yi yi that sucks about that HR lady! What a shitty thing to do. At least he doesn't work there anymore so you won't have to deal with any more shenanigans from her...

 

I am happy that you had that body-positivity moment! That's awesome!

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2 minutes ago, Shadri said:

Ayyy yi yi that sucks about that HR lady! What a shitty thing to do. At least he doesn't work there anymore so you won't have to deal with any more shenanigans from her...

 

I am happy that you had that body-positivity moment! That's awesome!

For REAL. I'm so glad we don't have to deal with her anymore. He told me that even if we move back to that town he's never going to work there again.

 

Me too! It's actually made a shocking amount of difference being more physically comfortable. It makes me want to make the inside of my body physically comfortable as well >_>

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HoLy WoW What a DAY. 

 

So I woke up extra early this morning because my landlord is painting my house (outside) and I wanted to be on hand in case they needed to get in here for whatever reason but they didn't and I'm still slightly salty that I woke up 45 minutes early >_> But oh well. But my house is looking great on the outside which makes me want to finish hanging things and finish making the inside gorgeous. Also finishing all the cleaning up that I've been doing slowly. Like a deep clean.

 

I also spent basically the whole afternoon shopping with a friend! I direly needed new shirts because I have exactly two nice shirts. Actually, it's HAD. Because today I went HAM on the sales. Just everywhere. At Walmart, I got one shirt, At NY&C I got two cute shirts and a gorgeous dress, and at Target I got a nice white jean jacket, a pair of rose gold high heels, and some assorted makeup ^_^  Clothes that fit! hallelujah! It's a christmas miracle!

 

And I stayed at around what my budget was!! Though tbh I'm starting to get a little nervous because I need my check to come in because I've gotta pay the power bill and the water bill and the phone bill and now my extra credit card bill and also my parents. I figured that if it had been sent Tuesday-Wednesday it would come in today but... apparently not? I'm trying to not get anxious about it but also I had an anxious dream about my finances last night. (and yes I did go shopping today- I put everything on my credit card to pay back when I get my check in because I'd expected my check already and had plans to go with a friend otherwise I wouldn't have I'm responsible I promise). 

 

Currently I'm making a grocery list and I'm kinda.. feeling.. weird? IDK. I kinda wanna get salad and have a salad but salads NEVER fill me up and also they are (for lack of a better word) kinda ED triggering for me? Like- when I was younger and around my mom she was constantly ragging on me about salads and I feel like she's super funny about eating salads and IDK. It's weird. Salads kinda make me feel like I'm on a diet of some kind, but that doesn't have to be true. I kinda wanna try making them for lunches. Like a good one. I'm thinking butter lettuce, cheese, shredded taco chicken, dried cranberries, boiled egg, cherry vanilla vinegar, and croutons, which are one of my fear foods. Well actually, salads are kind of a fear food in a way. Actually, yeah. I'm going to RECLAIM THE SALAD. So that I can enjoy them if I want them.

 

I was going to work out tonight and do the laundry but I got home at like 6pm and then had to put stuff away and feed muh face, and all that. So. Nope. Gonna handle all that tomorrow. But I'm tired AF and I'm going to go ahead and quickly edit this youtube video, and then I'm going to get myself together and get some much needed rest!

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4 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Well actually, salads are kind of a fear food in a way. Actually, yeah. I'm going to RECLAIM THE SALAD. So that I can enjoy them if I want them.

 

Oh gosh, yes. :D I totally get what you mean! We stopped by a fast food place during our car ride yesterday, and my Mom and brother were gonna have hamburgers. I thought, "I kinda want a salad, but... do I? Or do I think I should want??" and I just finally had a salad, because I figured it would be better for my stomach. Salads are great, as long as they're not boring. That's my guideline :D The salad I had yesterday was boring af: just a bunch of lettuce, two cherry tomatoes (!!), feta cheese cubes and chicken. It was so bland! The ingredients you're thinking about sound great, though. Give it a try :)

 

Your shopping trip sounds great <3

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15 hours ago, Ensi said:

 

Oh gosh, yes. :D I totally get what you mean! We stopped by a fast food place during our car ride yesterday, and my Mom and brother were gonna have hamburgers. I thought, "I kinda want a salad, but... do I? Or do I think I should want??" and I just finally had a salad, because I figured it would be better for my stomach. Salads are great, as long as they're not boring. That's my guideline :D The salad I had yesterday was boring af: just a bunch of lettuce, two cherry tomatoes (!!), feta cheese cubes and chicken. It was so bland! The ingredients you're thinking about sound great, though. Give it a try :)

 

Your shopping trip sounds great <3

I just want to feel like I can eat a salad if I want one without feeling like I'm giving in to the ED behaviors that were kinda taught to me when I was really young. Like that was always the thing. If I wanted something for lunch it was always "why not a salad?" Like eternally. I have a lot of complicated feelings around salads, and a lot of them revolve around a sense of rebellion. I was told salads were the only truly healthy meal and that's just wrong. I feel like I've come far enough that I can start doing that. 

 

It was!! I direly needed it. I feel like I'm building a legit wardrobe of clothes that fit. It still sometimes makes me sad that I've gained so much weight over the past couple of years. Part of me wonders if it's related to my Birth Control. I'm not sure. I don't think every bit of it is, because I did start eating somewhat differently when I got married. However, I wasn't eating SO differently. Plus, the gaining started up right around when I changed meds. I thought it was related to emotional stuff but idk. I've been thinking about it a lot recently and kinda wondering if it's time to quit for good.

 

~~~~

 

Whooooo boy my motivation to do life is basically zero right now. I'm trying to keep my motivation for the bare essentials, but that means I haven't worked out all weekend. I really need to do something today since I'm not going to have time next week to get three workouts in otherwise. Life's been super intensely exhausting recently. I'm not sure if I'm short on sleep or what.... It's definitely weird. But I'm trying to power through and get at least a few things done. Like I'm doing the laundry finally. But yeah, I've been SO exhausted the past few days. This whole weekend really. I'm trying to get a little bit of motivation back. 

 

Eating was absolute crap, but I can't do much without food and we can't get food until my check comes in. Fingers crossed it comes in tomorrow >_>

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On 8/12/2018 at 4:08 AM, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

I'm going to RECLAIM THE SALAD.

 

YES!!! GO DO THAT!! 

 

Honestly saldas can be nice (especially in hot weather) and yeah you can make nice ones that are not ''on a diet' salads.

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Yassss salads can be super delicious and awesome and it's great that you're tackling them with so much mindfulness! :) I'm glad you got some well-fitting clothes. Hopefully your check comes soon!!

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15 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

It still sometimes makes me sad that I've gained so much weight over the past couple of years. Part of me wonders if it's related to my Birth Control. I'm not sure. I don't think every bit of it is, because I did start eating somewhat differently when I got married. However, I wasn't eating SO differently. Plus, the gaining started up right around when I changed meds. I thought it was related to emotional stuff but idk. I've been thinking about it a lot recently and kinda wondering if it's time to quit for good.

 

I dropped hormonal birth control and hey wow 10 pounds, gone.  While it definitely wasn't the one and only reason for losing weight, it sure was holding onto those last stubborn few pounds..... dropping it made a lot of difference in my face shape too, like, way less puffy. If I have to go back on BC at any time it's gotta be non-hormonal at this point, or maybe just have someone take my uterus and sell it on the black market IDEK. 

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