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elizevdmerwe - Waiting on Spring

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15 hours ago, annyshay said:

Sounds like time for coffee on the stoep!

Yes, this morning I need it desperately.

 

----------------------------------------------

Friday happened. A bit of wind, then it died away. When we came back from town I decided to take Zuzu out for a quick walk down the street. Rocco decided that he'll take Rosy, while Adam stayed at home. We walked down the street with the two dogs, Rocco getting more nervous and stressed by the minute as he was scared if he wasn't holding Rosy's leash tight, she'll pull out of his grip and fight with the various dogs through the various fences. I tried to calm him down, and it did help, but after one walk down the street and back up, I let him and the dogs off the hook and let them back into the garden. Rocco said his back was very sore from the walk ( I think tensing up, etc.) I don't think Rosy would have fought but you never know. Zuzu was calmness personified. He once or twice pulled on his leash when a dog became very aggressive (one Boerboel tried to squeeze through a hole in the fence, but luckily couldn't), otherwise walked calmly next to me, sniffing at all the cattle dung in the street, and having a good look around. Neither dog tried to run out of the property later  the day when Brandt came home and we opened the gates. They weren't interested in "talking" to the dogs from earlier the day. Which was a problem we always had with Snippie, hence the reason I stopped walking the dogs.

Anyway, I dropped the young ones off, and went for two more trips down and back up the road. So managed about 2.5km. Not much but something. The wind picked up on the last round, but died again soon after I got home.

 

There's a gang in the area stealing motorbikes. Around 10 m.bikes had been stolen through July-August so far. While letting the dogs out multiple times last night, I saw a bakkie (truck) slowly driving up our road with no lights on. I at first thought it was the patrolmen, but they say they had no patrols last night, so we suspect it was the thieves sussing out houses. They stole 2 motorbikes around the corner Friday night.

Another two guys had been harassing people walking home at night. Thursday night they 'tackled' the wrong guy. The student-aged son of a lady staying in the main street, who are apparently very good in martial arts. They 'were put in their place', but the guy left them there, went home and phoned the police. By the time they showed up (half hour later, while the station is about 5min away), the two guys were gone. No more harassment since then.

Otherwise a lot of cattle coming over the ridge from Mpumuza area to graze here where the grass is more, and greener. I don't mind them at all, except when the dogs wake us up barking at them early mornings (4h00-5h00).

 

I was up about 6x last night between 21h00-6h00. 4x for the dogs, 1x for Rocco, and 1x for the wind that blew the milk bucket off the shelf by the front window. The wind howled last night! It was icy cold. It rained through most of Friday night until late morning Saturday, so it was cold for most of the day, and later the wind picked up. I'd forgotten that spring can be colder than winter with the rain and frontal winds. Anyway... moaning over. I really need to lie down for a bit because I'm becoming very unhappy. Everything's echoing and my eyes are sore. I've also had the weirdest dreams the last two nights!

 

Friday:

Bible study:  No :(

Exercise: Walked, see above.

Finances:  Nothing on the spreadsheet, all in my head.

Sleep:  See above. Was in bed on time, but very little actual sleep.

Food: Breakfast: skipped (Brandt and the boys had breakfast, I wasn't hungry earlier). Brunch in town: Rocco continued to ask for chocolate while in town, and after the third time I sat in the car (parked) turned to him and softly asked him to please, please stop. That I'm not refusing to buy choc because I'm trying to be mean, he knows I'm trying to get us all healthy and him continuing to nag is making it very difficult, and please, I can't take it any more. I don't want to shout or fight about this. I asked him to please help me by working with me, for us, and not against me. He stopped nagging, and asked for food. I said, ok, food I can do, so I got the rib-burger with salad, no chips. He got fish and chips, and Adam got a hotdog and chips. Dinner: Grilled chicken with roast veg, as well as bean soup. We each had a small bowl of soup (not Rocco), and then the chicken and veg. The chicken were very small portions.

Other: Not much. More of the same. Drove out to the butchery that Brandt prefers and on the way passed a car that had driven off a low bridge into the Duzi river the night before (either drunk or didn't know how to drive in the rain, or both). No ambulances, just a tow truck to pull the car out of the water. Then I met up with a LOT of traffic coming my way from the highway, where a truck had overturned and the traffic police had blocked off the highway, and rerouted traffic through town. So the way back on that particular road was heavy in traffic, standing still for a while. The guys at the butchery explained how to get back to town via a dirt road that went through a nature reserve. So I took that road, had no problems, but it was longer getting back. I loved driving through the very quiet bush area, hearing only birds, but wasn't lucky enough to see game anywhere. That was really a 'break' in the day that I'd needed. Stopped in front of our gates and got these photos for @Sloth the Enduring of the monkeys. A pair were sitting in front of our neighbour's fence (5-7m away) grooming each other. It seems like a troop of monkeys have permanently moved into the area, and don't sleep in the bush any more.

1331717544_monkeybusiness.jpg.5a5fb464d7948ad04403b5fdc67f6d58.jpg

I'm going to try and have a nap now.

Edited by elizevdmerwe
fix spelling
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Feel better. 

*shakes fist at those monkeys* Those were the kind that stole our stuff in Kruger even though we only had the window open less than an inch. *fist shaking*

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3 hours ago, annyshay said:

Feel better. 

*shakes fist at those monkeys* Those were the kind that stole our stuff in Kruger even though we only had the window open less than an inch. *fist shaking*

Yip, Vervets, thieving little miscreants. Naughty but also adorable. Just don't go too close, they bite!

3 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Around here when animals move into an area it’s because a big chunk of their habitat has been developed. I don’t know about monkeys though, they may just like peeking through the windows and watching TV. 

Same here, although a huge part of the bush is protected and the municipality tried to build there, but they were stopped. Unfortunately the bush isn't large enough to support all the monkeys, then they run out of food during winter. So they come into the suburbs as there are lots of fruit trees and easy pickings. Bread through the window is a favourite too. And chocolates if they can get inside a house and apparently sniff it out. But as fast as it goes in, they leave their own unpleasant gift out the back.

There's one male who sits on our water tank in front of the kitchen windows, watching me cook. He's done it twice now. Well I think it is just one specific one. He runs as soon as the dogs come out of the house even though they can't reach him on top of the tank.

 

For some or other reason I'm not receiving notifications for NF posts.

I haven't had a nap yet. Listened to an online radio talk which Brandt's sister in law was involved in last year. She is a special needs teacher for Carpe Diem school in the Western Cape province. Afterwards I just couldn't sleep, but I'm exhausted and yawning like crazy, but it is only 16h47. If I nap now I will most probably not sleep again tonight.

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6 minutes ago, elizevdmerwe said:

Looks like the boys' cold caught me last night and is holding on tight. Otherwise about the same as usual. Will chat again some time.

Have a good week.

Feel better soon. Really liked how you talked to Rocco, and proud of him for listening about the chocolate

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On 8/20/2018 at 6:02 PM, Elastigirl said:

Feel better soon. Really liked how you talked to Rocco, and proud of him for listening about the chocolate

Thanks and thanks. It's going good w.r.t. food and no chocolate so far. We had our Tuesday chocolate, but no walking. I had to go to town, to drop and collect Brandt at work, and at a stage had almost no voice. Feeling better today, although constantly nauseous because of post nasal drip (which started after we were at a mechanic's, who chain smoke,  house last night and this morning). I can't seem to get the drip to stop, and of course last stages of the cold, so...

 

Scale says I'm down 1kg since Sunday. I'm trying to keep to small portions when I'm really hungry, and having a sandwich or burger once or twice a week is ok. Basically eat what I feel like, within proportion and balance, remembering that too much gluten makes me bloated and const.

 

No exercise so far for the week, and I doubt I'll be walking during Lego. Looks like rain; the air is wet when outside. We have our last Nature Club outing this Friday. The mom who organised it is immigrating to Ireland. She will be handing over to a HS dad, so hopefully things will continue. Brandt will also be away Saturday (taking part in a dirt rally) and Sunday (marshalling close by for kart racing). I'm also expecting another book to proof read tonight, before Sunday.

 

The boys have started with the new reading programme, and I felt so bad. The owner of Ziptales sent me an email from Europe where he was on holiday! His personnel had sent my questions on to him to answer. He suggested that I continue with our current grammar programme (yah!), but check all the spelling words for UK/USA spelling. He said he doubted anything else in the gr.2-gr.6 book would be different, and then I can add some of their grammar (skill builders) videos if I see the boys have a problem. So for now we are using their stories to improve their reading, along with their quizzes and worksheets for comprehension and some grammar/language skill practice. The boys love it!

 

I kept up with bible study in the mornings, and sleep is on and off; more off than on. Basic finances, and we are restructuring the budget after these last food price increases. Otherwise we are going on. Hope you all have a good week.

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Cold is out of my head and into my chest. Nausea is better, but not gone. Still wet, no real rain. I didn't walk. Brandt's taking the car to work today and tomorrow while the Uno is being 'prepared' for the rally Saturday. So we'll be at home. Otherwise nothing new really.

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2 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

Cold is out of my head and into my chest. Nausea is better, but not gone.

I hate it more when it's in my chest. I hope you get better soon. 

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23 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

I hate it more when it's in my chest. I hope you get better soon. 

Thanks Jon. Basically healthy again, except a scratchy throat. Been working on finances, concentrated on food (going well), and even the boys are working together with me on food and school. Feeling altogether a whole lot better, since I got more sleep too. Bible study got done, washing, a lot of reading...

 

Brandt was out to dinner with colleagues from his one office, last night. The three bosses (who now live in Finland, Austria and Australia respectively) are all here and last year's scare when they fired the office manager was put to rest. Brandt's friend who has been the office manager since, is staying on and they are very happy with his work. Anyway... they said spouses could go along to the dinner, but no kids (not even if we pay for them ourselves). I decided to stay home with the boys anyway. Brandt had a good time, and said he would really like to take the boys and I to the Mozambik restaurant some time, which was where they'd gone.

 

Another highlight: I did informal exams with the boys yesterday (English and Math), example pages from Conquesta olimpiads and they passed with flying colours! The things I thought each might struggle with, they did, but they still surprised me with other things like grammar (nouns, verbs, etc.) which they took from their Afrikaans lessons and applied to English, and got it right. I'm so impressed with them and told them how proud I was. Rocco's reading has also improved a lot this last month, and he is really putting in so much effort with the new programme that we've decided to put the game (Titanfall 2 for pc) he has been working for on this month's budget. Which is also a game I want to play, so double yah!

 

Still no let up in mist-rain. It is cold and wet, pretty much awesome spring weather! Have to find out about our hiking trip in September with Hendrik and his wife. Have to put that on the budget (accommodation, travel money) as well.

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I'm a little off kilter this morning. Probably shark week hormones (tomorrow) mixed with last night's scare and being unhappy about the situation.
 

Spoiler

 

Brandt went dirt racing yesterday, with Zyl, his navigator. They got 2nd place and finished the race early. Brandt phoned me about 15h30 to say they were packing up and leaving around 16h00, he should be home around 18h30. Then he phoned again around 17h30 to say that the engine blew, well the gasket was definitely gone, and probably the whole engine will have to be replaced and their stuck next to the road in a township area, across the road from a very rowdy shebeen (pay weekend). They were still about 2hrs from home. He had also phoned Andries (mechanic friend) to come and fetch them as it wasn't safe. When they got to Andries' home around 21h00 last night, he phoned me to fetch him. I left the boys at home (locked doors, dogs inside and they have been practicing phoning police and know which keys are for which doors) and went to fetch Brandt. I was gone an hour.

 

When I got to Andries' home, he told me when he pitched at the place the guys were stranded, some guys at the back of the shebeen across the road had started shooting into the sky and it sounded like a huge fight had broken out. Then the guys started joking about what car Brandt was going to use while Andries fixed the Uno, and he joked about Brandt using the Mazda, and I flipped and told them that over my dead body will that Mazda ever, but ever be used in a race, then continued to help them load the stuff (tools, chairs, cooler box) etc in the back of the Mazda.  I know Andries had only tried to lighten the mood, but I was really struggling to keep my emotions inside and felt like turning around and flying into the three stupid guys, but I didn't knew about what. I just wanted to fight, but I kept it in and breathed, and packed up stuff, and breathed, and could feel the tension. I know they also got a huge fright, and it wasn't as if they planned to break down or be in such an unsafe situation. I just reached a point last night where things seemed... Brandt is always busy fixing a car, he seems to always be away racing or marshaling, and there is always a safety issue. I was just fed up.

 

Anyway, we got in the car, dropped Zyl off at his house and went home. Brandt tried to tell me that the damage to the Uno's engine wasn't that bad, but I was just so worked up that I couldn't care and didn't want to listen. I showed the boys Brandt's silver medal, congratulated him again, then put the boys to bed and got in bed myself.

Got up this morning. We went through the motions. I listened when Brandt spoke about the damage and options to fix it. Got him breakfast, fed the dogs, opened and closed the gates when Brandt left to marshal a cart race at iDube this morning. He seems unsure, I'm very upset, but not sure exactly what about, and if the car was here, I would definitely have gotten in, loaded up the boys and just drove away. I really, really felt like just getting in the car and driving, off... somewhere... and only turn back when  I had to.

 

Got back in bed to nurse a mug of coffee and cried. Sent Andries a message to apologise for my outburst last night and thanked him again for bringing Brandt home safely. He replied that they were only joking about the Mazda, and that he was sorry to have upset me. I replied that I understood what he was trying to do, lighten the mood, but the Mazda and racing is a sore point, and that I need one car here, that I can trust and depend on, for the boys and I. Got up, showered, made breakfast. The boys already had their cereal, and I fed the animals while Brandt was loading up this morning.

 

I'm going to start on proof reading now, then later when I'm sure I can walk in the street without crying (really must be hormones), I'll probably go for a walk. Brandt should be back early afternoon. And yes, I had a huge helping of chocolate mousse icing last night while waiting for Brandt to be towed back home.

 

 

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10 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

I'm a little off kilter this morning. Probably shark week hormones (tomorrow) mixed with last night's scare and being unhappy about the situation.
 

  Hide contents

 

Brandt went dirt racing yesterday, with Zyl, his navigator. They got 2nd place and finished the race early. Brandt phoned me about 15h30 to say they were packing up and leaving around 16h00, he should be home around 18h30. Then he phoned again around 17h30 to say that the engine blew, well the gasket was definitely gone, and probably the whole engine will have to be replaced and their stuck next to the road in a township area, across the road from a very rowdy shebeen (pay weekend). They were still about 2hrs from home. He had also phoned Andries (mechanic friend) to come and fetch them as it wasn't safe. When they got to Andries' home around 21h00 last night, he phoned me to fetch him. I left the boys at home (locked doors, dogs inside and they have been practicing phoning police and know which keys are for which doors) and went to fetch Brandt. I was gone an hour.

 

When I got to Andries' home, he told me when he pitched at the place the guys were stranded, some guys at the back of the shebeen across the road had started shooting into the sky and it sounded like a huge fight had broken out. Then the guys started joking about what car Brandt was going to use while Andries fixed the Uno, and he joked about Brandt using the Mazda, and I flipped and told them that over my dead body will that Mazda ever, but ever be used in a race, then continued to help them load the stuff (tools, chairs, cooler box) etc in the back of the Mazda.  I know Andries had only tried to lighten the mood, but I was really struggling to keep my emotions inside and felt like turning around and flying into the three stupid guys, but I didn't knew about what. I just wanted to fight, but I kept it in and breathed, and packed up stuff, and breathed, and could feel the tension. I know they also got a huge fright, and it wasn't as if they planned to break down or be in such an unsafe situation. I just reached a point last night where things seemed... Brandt is always busy fixing a car, he seems to always be away racing or marshaling, and there is always a safety issue. I was just fed up.

 

Anyway, we got in the car, dropped Zyl off at his house and went home. Brandt tried to tell me that the damage to the Uno's engine wasn't that bad, but I was just so worked up that I couldn't care and didn't want to listen. I showed the boys Brandt's silver medal, congratulated him again, then put the boys to bed and got in bed myself.

Got up this morning. We went through the motions. I listened when Brandt spoke about the damage and options to fix it. Got him breakfast, fed the dogs, opened and closed the gates when Brandt left to marshal a cart race at iDube this morning. He seems unsure, I'm very upset, but not sure exactly what about, and if the car was here, I would definitely have gotten in, loaded up the boys and just drove away. I really, really felt like just getting in the car and driving, off... somewhere... and only turn back when  I had to.

 

Got back in bed to nurse a mug of coffee and cried. Sent Andries a message to apologise for my outburst last night and thanked him again for bringing Brandt home safely. He replied that they were only joking about the Mazda, and that he was sorry to have upset me. I replied that I understood what he was trying to do, lighten the mood, but the Mazda and racing is a sore point, and that I need one car here, that I can trust and depend on, for the boys and I. Got up, showered, made breakfast. The boys already had their cereal, and I fed the animals while Brandt was loading up this morning.

 

I'm going to start on proof reading now, then later when I'm sure I can walk in the street without crying (really must be hormones), I'll probably go for a walk. Brandt should be back early afternoon. And yes, I had a huge helping of chocolate mousse icing last night while waiting for Brandt to be towed back home.

 

 

I'm sorry you had such a rough time. It sounds like you and Brandt need to have a talk about his racing. Hormones may have amplified feelings, but those feelings were already there for the hormones to play with.

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Hugs and prayer for wisdom. Tank is wise (again, no surprise ) The thing I will add is that  when I had more intense hormones  in peri- menopause the thing  I learned was really, most of the time it wasn't that the feeling I was having at the moment were new, they were there and I had just done a good job of suppressing them (until I didn't) I learned it was far better for me to deal with them before they became so intense. Or, like in your situation, wait a bit and let the emotion not be so intense, then pray then go and talk to your husband and communicate. For my husband anyway those kind of conversations are better done while we are walking. I think it leaves him feeling less cornered, and the walking helps him gather his emotions and thoughts

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That sounded like a really scary and stressful night. I hope you and Brandt are able to have a good talk. I know it's a complicated set of issues and feelings.

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We spoke some.

Spoiler

 

I came to a lot of realisations about just how much I need to hear he loves me, and get some recognition for me and what I do, and he just isn't the type of man to do that. But a clear "I love you" when he leaves for work in the morning, instead of a mumbled "I mbmf", racing of to work, might be a start. He needs a wife that sounds more like the perfect PA, who never flinches and are always up to a challenge, and I balk against a lot of the stuff he wants me to just take up and handle because he doesn't want to, or "doesn't have time for". I want a surprise like a flower or a hug every now and again, he feels that providing for us and working for enough money that we can come and go and do things, shows his love. I want a man in charge, which I can follow. Maybe I want a storybook hero for a husband.


He thought I understood how much it meant to him, that I gave him so much time on the car and racing, etc. he didn't realise that I felt neglected and negative about it. Jealous even... He is waiting for me to organise outings with the boys, then tell him, "I've organised this, or decided we're doing this", and he'll then say "ok, then I'm not marshaling or racing that weekend". That's why he phones me (these last two weeks) before every race to ask if there was anything on, and can he go and marshal, while I felt he was putting me in the position of "woman is wearing the pants in the house and he can't do anything without talking to me first", making me feel and seem like a... horrible, controlling wife. He felt he was taking me into consideration and showing me that my feelings are important.

 

I don't know why I got such a huge scare Saturday night because of the situation; it isn't as if the non-safety was totally out of normal. He admitted that it was very unsafe, and I got the impression that they might have had to tell people there where they were stranded, to back off, and he thinks I did totally over react (I agree), but he thought there might be more behind my feelings. I don't know if anything is going to change, except that I should try and work on my insecurities and need for recognition.

 

I should probably read that 5 Love Languages book again, and maybe be the secretary/wife that sends him notes on every chapter/point.

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8 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

I'm glad you guys got to talk about it. 

Ja... things are a bit tight. As usual he said hardly a word while we walked during lunch, which had Rocco turn around afterwards and ask him why. And of course Rocco answered his own question, and asked whether it was because Brandt was actually not happy walking with us? Brandt just said mmmm, said goodbye and walked back into his office. So maybe I've now caused more problems with my outburst. :(

I had a light migraine (flickering lights and pressure) start just before our walk, and it has started growing this afternoon. I don't have super headache, but a lot of pressure in my head, along with sore eyes and feeling very tired.

 

Monday and Tuesday:

Bible study:  Yes.

Exercise: Strength training Monday morning. Walked Tuesday lunchtime. Again about 3-3.5km up and down. The boys actually walked well ahead of us, and didn't complain. They were competing against each other over who was first to which tree.

Finances:  July done and filed! Started with bank statement for August.

Sleep:  Sunday and Monday nights in bed by 21h00. Tonight will definitely be early as well.

Food: Breakfast: Double cream Greek yoghurt (about 3x heaped tablespoons, with 1x chopped date, and this morning a palmful of cut biltong. Two mugs of chai tea with cream. Lunch... Wasn't hungry, but I did have a "All in One breakfast bar" after the walk. Yes it had chocolate in, and oats, puffed rice, and raisins. Dinner: Pork chop with broccoli, pumpkin (cinnamon sugar and butter), and fried mushrooms. Only had two mugs of coffee today, but going for the third one now.

Other: Other things I had to organise and get done. School work as usual, and the new reading programme seems to be going well so far. I'm pleasantly surprised by how much they actually know and remember of the things we are reviewing through the worksheets. Brandt and I had a brief talk about the weights rack that he has finally started building (now that he doesn't have a car to work on). He just said it will be big, and I might have to rearrange the furniture to try and fit it in, in the front room. He actually suggested I take the big wooden dining room table out that the boys and I do school work on, and replace it with a smaller metal folding table we have stashed in the store room. I tried not to let my horror show, but I might have to do that, or make space on the locked part of the stoep outside. Imagine pitching at our house and right by the front door you are greeted by a rack of weights!

 

My mom phoned me again (or tried to), so I guess she has either run out of spending money, or data on her phone. The first goes off on a debit order, and the second I'll only be able to buy 30/31 Aug. But this end of month phoning seems to be the new habit since all contact was supposed to be broken end of June. I'd left my cellphone in the car while walking with Brandt, so only saw the missed calls later. I didn't get upset.

 

Now for a headache tablet, a mug of coffee and maybe relax with a book. Then early to bed.

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Keep talking, and remember you are two people who love each other and want this to work out. It won't be easy, it will be uncomfortable, and you are both worth it. Your needs are valid. His needs are valid. This is at it's heart a communication problem. Keep communicating with the goal of finding a win win and it will work itself out. At most you both might need some coaching on communicating even better. 

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7 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

Brandt and I had a brief talk about the weights rack that he has finally started building (now that he doesn't have a car to work on). He just said it will be big, and I might have to rearrange the furniture to try and fit it in, in the front room. He actually suggested I take the big wooden dining room table out that the boys and I do school work on, and replace it with a smaller metal folding table we have stashed in the store room. I tried not to let my horror show, but I might have to do that, or make space on the locked part of the stoep outside. Imagine pitching at our house and right by the front door you are greeted by a rack of weights!

I understand your horror, but I have also made half of my living room into a "yoga studio"

 

I'm really encouraged by what you wrote about your talk with Brandt. It sounds like you have a lot of awareness of your respective needs (I hope he does too).

 

7 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

As usual he said hardly a word while we walked during lunch, which had Rocco turn around afterwards and ask him why. And of course Rocco answered his own question, and asked whether it was because Brandt was actually not happy walking with us? Brandt just said mmmm, said goodbye and walked back into his office.

I'm sorry this was rough. The Tuesday walks really seem like such a very good idea for you guys. Hope the next one is better.

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 Hope the headache is better. I don't think it is being bossy or naggy to put some things on the calendar. My hubby and I have had very similar conversations, or the opposite where he does everything I put on the calendar, but really wanted to do something else, but didn't know how to say that. I think if you just come to it like Tank said, recognizing both needs as valid, you can work on it. You could say things like," Hey next weekend I was thinking of doing a family outing how does that work for you?" Or when he mentions a rally you could say ", Hmm, I was hoping we could all do x that weekend, would you mind not doing the rally, or maybe do it this week and next week is set aside for us?' I think it's just a matter of the two of you speaking your thought out loud, something us introverts have to work at.:smug:

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On 8/28/2018 at 11:18 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Keep talking, and remember you are two people who love each other and want this to work out. It won't be easy, it will be uncomfortable, and you are both worth it. Your needs are valid. His needs are valid. This is at it's heart a communication problem. Keep communicating with the goal of finding a win win and it will work itself out. At most you both might need some coaching on communicating even better. 

We're trying, but definitely both are tip-toeing around each other at the moment, and I feel like a heel for the outburst.

On 8/29/2018 at 2:35 AM, Xena said:

I understand your horror, but I have also made half of my living room into a "yoga studio"

Umm just to be clear, I have no problem with the weights standing either in the front room or just outside the door. I have a very big dislike for that metal folding table though. I'll work something out. This is where we are "stashing" our weights at the moment, on thick rubber mats under the "dining/school" table. The dogs sometimes also lie on Brandt's mat which is 'strategically' placed on top.

21-weights.thumb.jpg.cae3ee500adf421fb5dfb83057f2b8a2.jpg

And this is what I call our "front/dining/school room". I don't have a lounge, just a dining room turned school room. On the other side of the XBox table is the doorway of the passage and next to it against the wall another big bookshelf with the kids' books.

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In the open-plan area to the right and more behind, is what was supposedly the lounge (a smaller room than this one). This is where our computers are, which is where we gather as family and watch movies, work, etc. during the day or night.

Anyway, so B's suggestion was to replace the wooden table with the metal table, which takes up less space, then the weights' shelf can fit in on the left between the table and the small bookcase, in front of the window. But then we won't have space to put their notebooks to actually write things down onto, or I have to find new places for the current stationary, math manipulatives, markers, etc. etc. But I'll figure it out *sigh*.
To the immediate right of where I stood when I took the last photo is a "kist" (old linen chest) with our board games , and against that wall a map of our country. We need access to these as we use that map a lot now for our South Africa studies.

I think the weight rack will have to stand just outside the front door, in the section that is still locked up and thus inside the security gates. I'll just have to see what it looks like when Brandt is finished and then make the best with what I have.

On 8/29/2018 at 2:35 AM, Xena said:

I'm really encouraged by what you wrote about your talk with Brandt. It sounds like you have a lot of awareness of your respective needs (I hope he does too).

 

I'm sorry this was rough. The Tuesday walks really seem like such a very good idea for you guys. Hope the next one is better.

Sometimes he just does what he wants to do and to "dinges" with the consequences. But we are trying, and he has shown a lot more compassion/understanding (?) towards me since my last visit to the psychologist (beginning July), so I do think he is trying to understand and do his share.

On 8/29/2018 at 4:16 AM, Elastigirl said:

 Hope the headache is better. I don't think it is being bossy or naggy to put some things on the calendar. My hubby and I have had very similar conversations, or the opposite where he does everything I put on the calendar, but really wanted to do something else, but didn't know how to say that. I think if you just come to it like Tank said, recognizing both needs as valid, you can work on it. You could say things like," Hey next weekend I was thinking of doing a family outing how does that work for you?" Or when he mentions a rally you could say ", Hmm, I was hoping we could all do x that weekend, would you mind not doing the rally, or maybe do it this week and next week is set aside for us?' I think it's just a matter of the two of you speaking your thought out loud, something us introverts have to work at.:smug:

Thanks the headache finally disappeared today. It was almost gone yesterday. I sat on the stoep with a book, and dozed off at one stage.  That did me a world of good. My temples and the back of my head was still sore when I moved, when I got into bed last night, and got up this morning, but by about 9am-ish I realised that I wasn't feeling it anymore.

 

What I have been thinking is to (in general) arrange one weekend day/weekend a month to go out as family. He then has his two weekends a month for his car and racing stuff, and there is one weekend where we can just be at home and relax, even though Brandt usually either ends up marshaling or working on the cars. This month is already working out like that, with this coming weekend as a "stay at home" weekend; the 2nd Sept. weekend is still open (but hoping to go to the beach that Sunday morning); the 3rd Sept. weekend B is marshaling at a race; the 4th weekend we are going hiking with his colleague (Sat. to Mon.); the 5th weekend B is marshaling at a rally again, and it is shoot club day that Sunday too.

 

If I arrange something, it doesn't have to be a whole day thing, but just something that we can do together as a family, even if it comes down to having a picnic at the Botanical Gardens close by. I've been waiting on B to arrange or suggest something, but that won't happen. He'll go to something if I've made the arrangements, he won't make the arrangements himself. He hates that (except when it comes to cars and cycling). When the boys and I drove back from the south coast where we spent the night with B, the boys asked that we go to the sea one day and take daddy with us, so that he can play with them in the surf. So I think I need to arrange that for next Sunday morning. That will give him all of Saturday and Sunday afternoon to work on his cars. We can leave early morning, have a picnic breakfast on the beach, and come back just before lunch time, leaving enough time to settle down for the afternoon, and recharge for the week.

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