Blaidd, you're a wolf not a bear! Come out of the cave!!

[Blaidd]

Jeepers, it's been a long while since I was here. I got lost somewhere along the way and Fear drove me into a cave. It was a warm and comfy cave and I quite liked being in there, but I need to come out of the cave and start enjoying being in the world around me. I need to fight Fear and become the warrior I once was. 

 

Since I was last here,  I started studying again, our company merged, I left the gym (and working out completely), I've traveled a bit and I've gone through a series of tummy issues (which are apparently caused by nothing - will cover that a little later).  I haven't had a bad time, but I've struggled badly with anxiety (3 - 4 mild panic attacks per week) and it's caused me to step away from life a little and hide away. A month ago I realised that my anxiety had led me into a field of (mild) depression, and I needed to fight my way out of that and back to my formidable, warrior self. I am starting slowly, by taking small baby steps out of the cave and now I'm back here to take my courage back. I'm doing 4 tasks this challenge (1 fitness, 1 diet and 2 life). 

Step 1 - FIGHT Fear, go to gym
A month ago, I signed back up to the gym.  My medical insurance covers 80% of my gym membership fees so it works out to R189 (+/- $12) per month for full access to a really good gym (Virgin Active) which is located at a local private hospital. Virgin Active has a reputation for being the gym for all the "pretty, young things" to hook up and look up one another, so for someone who has let Fear control her insecurities, it was a big step for me.  (Side note, I literally heard a couple on the bikes next to me who were on a "first date" as set up by Tinder). I have kind of figured out when it's quiet and I head to the gym then.  It's a unisex gym (as most are), so I like the quieter times, because it means I don't have to fight the "gym okes" for the squat rack when I want to head there. This does however restrict me to weekends though, and I haven't been brave enough to go during the week.  It's just too busy and I'm not quite at that level of dealing with more than a handful of people yet. 

The task? Get to the gym 8 times over the challenge.

The reward? If I make it to all 8 sessions, I am allowed to spend some money buying a new swimsuit (mainly so I can use the pool too)

Step 2 - Don't fear the kitchen

Don't get me wrong, I love cooking and being in the kitchen and I already eat really well (nothing major like Paleo or anything, but a VERY balanced diet). I am not aiming to add 5 freggies (that's less than how many I eat daily, anyway), I'm not cutting carbs (maybe a little later), going to stop eating sweet stuff (I don't like chocolate and I don't have a sweet tooth) or drink more water (it's 10pm and I've already had +/-3 litres to drink). My diet is a little more complicated than that.  I have been suffering some serious tummy issues, and after a month of tests (I feel like a lab rat), none of the doctors I have seen are able to find anything wrong with me physical, but the symptoms persist and the gastro is "concerned". My scopes are clean, and my blood tests have all come back good - as a matter of fact, he's actually impressed with the blood work (if he'd never met me and had only looked at my blood work, he'd have thought I weighed in the normal range with no issues, at all).

 

He'd like me to look at my diet and try a Low FODMAP diet. So the first step in that cycle is to keep a food diary for the next month. There are no macros or calorie counting, just jotting down what I ate, my bowel movements (TMI) and symptoms (everything from rectal bleeding, to skin break outs, to sore muscles. he wants it all).  Then we'll look to see if we can find any triggers and work on starting FODMAP (if it's necessary). 

 

The task? Keep a diary EVERY day

The reward? A visit to a proper dietitian

Step 3 - Don't fear discipline and the books

I have 5 assignments due during this challenge.  This covers 4 subjects, 5 chapters and +/-200 pages. In between this I need to complete our financial audit, do tax submissions for my 6 clients, close off month ends for 3 further clients AND still maintain relationships and work full time.  It is incredibly taxing on my brain (and mental state) and some times I just climb into bed when I get home because I can't face the overwhelming pile of work STILL facing me.  But I want to pass this semester, so I need to remain focused and get those assignments done without letting anything else fall by the way side. 

 

The tasks? Complete 200 pages of studies and hand in all assignments before the end of the challenge. 

The reward? A good (fiction) book

 

Step 4 - You're a financial manager, why do you fear your own finances?

I've kind of let my own finances get away from me and I need to get back on top of them.  I need to follow up with my outstanding debts (and see if any of them have reached a settlement amount that I can afford yet, to write them off completely) and set up a proper budget. Start putting back into my savings account (we've been living off of my savings the past few months, because my boyfriend's work has been slow coming in, but luckily it's picked up again and he's just qualified to practice another type of law.  We're just waiting for his admission to be finalised). 

The task? Phone all creditors and figure out debt (and settlement amounts) and set up a budget

The reward? Some crystal knobs for my desk refurbish

 

Yeah so that's that.  Wish me luck. 

xoxo

[Tateman]

Welcome back! I was just looking at a few profiles the other day. Just remember all the other people that use to be around before I had left too. Following!

 

[Blaidd]

Today wasn't anything special.  I'm quite tired, but that's a typical friday feeling for me. I slept through the night though, and that's happening more regularly again.  I haven't had a middle of the night panic attack in a while and I'm pretty happy about that. Maybe it's because I'm feeling more in control of my life. That'd be great

 

I didn't get to gym today and I don't see there being much time to do it tomorrow. I'm a little disappointed by that, because I was looking forward to it.  I really have to find my mum something for her bday tomorrow and I haven't got a clue.  That's so unlike me.  So I see myself walking all over the mall trying to be inspired and hopefully actually finding something for her.  I hate shopping malls and generally shopping especially when there isn't a plan and I can't just do it online. Malls cause me quite a bit of anxiety. But it needs to be done before we head to her tomorrow for dinner. I hate doing things last minute. 

Food Diary: - Breakfast = gluten free honey and oats bread (that I made), with peanut butter and banana, snacks (throughout the day) = small packet of crisps, biltong (kinda like jerky but better) and a soda (my tummy was acting up from the night before and this soda seems to settle it); lunch = chipotle marinated chicken breast, a small greek salad and a few potato wedges; Supper = 1x panko crumbed chicken breast on a bun.  My boyfriend bought me an airfryer two weeks ago and I've just fallen in love! Between my AF and my steamer, I never use oil (not even the healthy ones) or the oven anymore. I think I probably didn't get enough calories in, but I can't even think of eating anymore today.  As it is I forced the chicken bun down because I knew I needed more calories.  I'm sure tomorrow will be better, as my tummy has settled and I'll get my appetite back (unless I'm getting the flu, in which case I won't be eating much the next few days). 

 

Finances - I received a scholarship for the rest of my degree. I found out today, that means I have one less thing to budget for. It covers my studies and my textbooks. Woohoo! More money into my savings (or to pay down some of my debt). 

Studying - nothing yesterday or today. But knowing myself, I'll probably pump out a nice chunk over the weekend (after I've done some work). 

[Blaidd]

18 hours ago, Tateman said:

Welcome back! I was just looking at a few profiles the other day. Just remember all the other people that use to be around before I had left too. Following!

 

I did that too  I kinda miss everyone, but we all move on at some point, don't we?  

[Mrs Van]

Nice going on the food. The honey and oats gluten free bread sounds nice! We've only started eating gluten regularly this year, but honestly for myself I probably have to cut back on gluten. The boys at least don't have any asthma attacks when they eat gluten.

 

Hope you got that birthday gift for your mom!

 

On 8/17/2018 at 10:38 PM, Blaidd said:

I received a scholarship for the rest of my degree. I found out today, that means I have one less thing to budget for. It covers my studies and my textbooks. Woohoo! More money into my savings (or to pay down some of my debt). 

Congratulations! That is great news! I'd pay down the debt first, because the interest on it double or triple your initial debt in the long run, but I don't know your financial situation, so ... all the best!

[WolfDreamer]

I know we just met, but I want to say I'm sorry you had a rough go @Blaidd. But I am really, really glad you're back. I know you are among others who have had ups and downs, some with a lot of downs, and many of us would agree that "coming out of your cave" is the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

Let me know if I can help in any way.

[Blaidd]

On 8/19/2018 at 10:29 AM, elizevdmerwe said:

Nice going on the food. The honey and oats gluten free bread sounds nice! We've only started eating gluten regularly this year, but honestly for myself I probably have to cut back on gluten. The boys at least don't have any asthma attacks when they eat gluten.

 

Hope you got that birthday gift for your mom!

 

Congratulations! That is great news! I'd pay down the debt first, because the interest on it double or triple your initial debt in the long run, but I don't know your financial situation, so ... all the best!

I try and avoid gluten as far as possible, but every now and again a muffin or a burger or a pizza is consumed. I really don't mind as the amount of gluten I'm consuming and the fact that I consume next to no dairy anymore, means that the bloating I previously experienced has gone down.  Also I have a whack of gluten free recipes, gluten free flours have gone down in price and most places offer gluten free/banting these days. So it's not that hard to avoid

 

I got her a daily devotional by Joyce Meyer and a few nice blouses to wear in summer (or with a vest underneath) in winter. 

On 8/19/2018 at 3:10 PM, Wolfen said:

I know we just met, but I want to say I'm sorry you had a rough go @Blaidd. But I am really, really glad you're back. I know you are among others who have had ups and downs, some with a lot of downs, and many of us would agree that "coming out of your cave" is the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

Let me know if I can help in any way.

It's getting easier to come out the cave.  20 seconds of courage is all you need really.  My bestie and I have also realised that it's also about just setting a date and doing it.  Saying you're going to do something doesn't mean it'll happen. 

__________________

SO the past week hasn't been too bad.  I have been logging my food, I haven't gotten to gym, but I've done 1 or 2 other things instead.  It really is helping me with sleep though and that's amazing. I've had 6 out of 7 days of amazing good quality sleep. I'm still climbing into bed when I get home from work though, but I'm forcing myself to do 1 J.O.B (Just One Bite - thanks Jordan Paige - a teeny thing, like pack away laundry, make a phone call etc.) before I climb into bed for that nap though. I know it's mostly about the effects of depression but I do have extremely brain intensive days (and then need to study after dinner again), so the little nap helps me with the focus I need after dinner for that next round of work/study. 

Quote

 

Step 1 - FIGHT Fear, go to gym
The task? Get to the gym 8 times over the challenge.

The reward? If I make it to all 8 sessions, I am allowed to spend some money buying a new swimsuit (mainly so I can use the pool too)

 

I made it to the gym 0 times, but I'm not hung up about that  I managed to walk 10k steps in the 2.5 hours I was at the mall on Saturday. I hate malls, too many people. 

Quote

 

Step 2 - Don't fear the kitchen

The task? Keep a diary EVERY day

The reward? A visit to a proper dietitian

 

I managed to do this.  I am managing to remember to log everything I eat. It's not fancy, but it's happening.  Also I made another 25 minute roast dinner with my airfryer and steamer (I love these two things). 

Quote

 

Step 3 - Don't fear discipline and the books

The tasks? Complete 200 pages of studies and hand in all assignments before the end of the challenge. 

The reward? A good (fiction) book

This was where I had a little hiccup this week.  I had an assignment due on Monday and I missed the deadline by 10 minutes, so I might possibly not be allowed to write the exam. I got irritated with myself and I'm still feeling some residual irritation.  It only counts 5% towards my overall mark, but it needed to get in on time in order for me to write. So 10 minutes before the deadline closes, I had 5 multiple choice questions to complete and decided to not hand in incomplete work and it was ONLY 5 q's.  I'd be done in a few minutes. So I did them. Looked up, deadline had passed and I hadn't handed in my assignment.  I was so cross with myself for being an idiot perfectionist and missing the deadline. I still submitted because it was only 10 minutes and perhaps the TA will be lenient and let me into the exam anyway, because to them it might look like an internet issue etc. Unfortunately we aren't allowed to engage with lecturers and TA's about this so I won't know until the end of September whether I'm allowed to write (2 more assignments due before then). Of course my irritation meant I couldn't sleep until I had calmed down considerably (which took hours) so I only had a few hours sleep that night. 

 

I have another assignment due tomorrow, but at the rate I am getting through these chapters I should be able to submit today  

Quote

Step 4 - You're a financial manager, why do you fear your own finances?

The task? Phone all creditors and figure out debt (and settlement amounts) and set up a budget

The reward? Some crystal knobs for my desk refurbish

I have the templates all ready to go, now I just need to fill them in.  I should have my Income Statement and Investment Portfolio's complete by the end of this week and then I'll start compiling my liabilities (or debt) from next week.  I am not in MASSIVE debt.  I still have a student loan from my first go at Uni, vehicle finance, a credit card and some of my dad's debt (that was in my name when he died) left.  It's not a large amount, but it's debt nonetheless and I don't want any debt (unless it's a mortgage and we're not willing to buy in the current economic client so none of that yet). I just need to get a handle on the actual amounts and if there are any settlement amounts that I can close off in the meantime. 

___________________________________

It's been an ok week.  I even took my boyfriend on TWO dates. 
We went to a chocolate truffle making class (he loves chocolate and I love learning new cooking methods) and we both enjoyed it - although he started the class off quite irritated. He now has 2 boxes of truffles, I am making everyone truffles for Christmas gifts and we landed up having a good time in the end. 

We then attended a theatre production of Shakespeare in Love and that was beautiful.  Such a well made (and acted out) play.  It was a nice break from the norm. 

So three social activities over the past week - mum's bday dinner, Lindt Studios and the theatre. Bye Bye Cave!!

 

[Mrs Van]

On 8/23/2018 at 7:46 AM, Blaidd said:

I try and avoid gluten as far as possible, but every now and again a muffin or a burger or a pizza is consumed. I really don't mind as the amount of gluten I'm consuming and the fact that I consume next to no dairy anymore, means that the bloating I previously experienced has gone down.  Also I have a whack of gluten free recipes, gluten free flours have gone down in price and most places offer gluten free/banting these days. So it's not that hard to avoid

We were gluten free for years, well maybe about 90% GF? And yes, I've seen that even here our local PnP and Spar shops are even bringing in their own brands of GF products. If it's just for me, it won't be such an issue following it and keeping to it. And I have enough incentive to want to stay GF as much as possible. I also have a lot of GF e-books, so I don't really have an excuse.

 

I wanted to mention last time, but forgot, that I totally understand how you feel about going to gym and the ladies there. I've had my run in with the same type years ago, before the boys were born. Had some good experiences too, though, but in the end, especially with the boys around, I have to admit that I really enjoy working out at home, but I have to be very disciplined, which I'm not. Not for long stretches of time anyway. Maybe a couple of months at a time and then I just fall of the wagon. Anyway... I truly understand how you feel, and actually think it is normal, but also glad that you got out of your "cave". Will your friend be going with you to gym? Then you can face things with her by your side. And you are absolutely right, you have to set a date and time. That is about all that can sometimes move me to get something done.

 

People I know took their daughter for a bunch of courses at Lindt there in the Cape these last couple of years! Her creations are absolutely stunning! I love that beautiful smile you had in the photo and glad that you and your boyfriend enjoyed the outing in the end.

 

On 8/23/2018 at 7:46 AM, Blaidd said:

but I do have extremely brain intensive days (and then need to study after dinner again), so the little nap helps me with the focus I need after dinner for that next round of work/study.

Oh I remember these days! Brandt (my husband) and I both studied part time at a stage and would work full day, then come home, take a nap, and then study for a couple of hours. Luckily not at the same time though. I only studied after he got his 2nd degree and I was working from home.

 

Looks like you are doing well and managing as best you can. I'm really impressed with how much you do. Hope you have a great weekend.

[Jakkals]

Hello, goed om jou weer te sien.

[Tateman]

Ohh chocolate, yum!